Yasha Muyo - Scroll 1: No Need For Mental Breakdowns


Washu frowned. This experiment was going all wrong! Nothing was reacting the
way it was supposed to. Another frown creased the red head’s face. She was
introducing all these variables to her dimension shifter, she had predicted
all results perfectly in the past, but now, everything was screwed up. She
slammed her fist down on the table, sending a scale model of the Jurai space
fleet shattering to the floor.
“AAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!! I can’t take it anymore!!!” Tearing at her hair, Washu
stomped out of the lab and down to the baths. Ryoko was the only one there,
working on her umpteenth bottle of sake.
“Hey, Washu, wassa matta? Want shome shake??” Ryoko waggled a bottle
temptingly.
“Gimme that!” Washu snatched the bottle out of the demon’s hand, and drank
it in one gulp. “Ahhh, thats nice!! Got any more?”
Ryoko blinked, nodded and passed another bottle to the little genius. Kiyone
stepped into the bath.
“Washu, what the hell are you doing?”
Receiving no response, she turned to Ryoko. “Why is Washu taking a bath with
all her clothes on?”
Ryoko shrugged. “Who can tell? She just shtomped in here ‘n drank all my
shake´.” she grinned wickedly. “Shilly twerp. That shtuff’s really shtrong.
I can only do it cuz I’m a demon and I’ve been doing it for yearsh.”
“Awww, Ryoko, that was mean.” Hands on hips, Kiyone bent over Washu. The
short goddess was draped over the edge of the pool, half in and half out,
snoring loudly. “Jeeze, this sucks. Why do I always have to be responsible
for you guys?”
“Shince you moved in, I guess.” giggled Ryoko. “Sure you don’t want some?”
Kiyone groaned and pulled Washu out of the pool. Another subject she did’nt
want to be reminded of. After being evicted from their apartment, she and
Mihoshi had moved back into the Masaki household, literally being chased by
rent collectors (who were now living as lab rats in Washu’s lab). Even
though Tenchi and company were welcoming and perfectly happy (especially
Noboyuki) to take in two more girls, Kiyone still had her pride. She dragged
the sleeping Washu out of the bath, left her on the couch, and went back to
the bath. Life could be so rough.

That afternoon, Washu woke up to the sounds of Ryoko and Ayeka fighting over
Tenchi, Ryo-oki meowing, Sasami and Mihoshi laughing and Kiyone and Tenchi
yelling at everyone to stop.
“Whats this then?” She sat up, massaging a throbbing head. One of Ryoko’s
energy bolts exploded next to her ear.
“YAAAAAGGGGH!!!”
Ryoko giggled and waved it off. “Oh, come on, old one!! You should know
better than to get in my way!!”
“Oh yeah?” Washu smacked Ryoko. “No daughter of mine is gonna speak to me
like that!!”
“Now girls, stop, please!” pleaded Tenchi.
Ayeak sidled up to Tenchi. “Oh yes, they can be so childish, can’t they,
Lord Tenchi. Come, have some food with me.”
“Oh, no you don’t!” roared Ryoko, and attacked Ayeka.
“Ahhhhgggghh!!! Tenchi, help me!”
Tenchi backed away. “Now wait a minute! Please don’t destroy my house
again!!” His pleas fell on deaf ears. Ayeka’s mini guard logs flew out,
sending sparks flying everywhere. Kiyone, Sasami and Ryo-oki dove for cover
under the table, Mihoshi and Tenchi ran behind the couch. Washu was caught
in the crossfire, and stumbled off to the lab with frazzled hair, clothes
and wits.
Ahhhhh...she slumped down on her floating pillow, her thoughts trailing back
to her earlier experiments. It wasn’t just that she couldn’t predict
anything (even thought that was irritating the shit out of her), it was that
the results of her experiments were acting in the opposite way that they
normally did. Instead of creating space in a new dimension, it was warping
and deleting pre-existing space. She rubbed her head, mentally pushed back a
hangover induced migraine, and shuffled off to her new invention. Like
everything else she had ever built in her life, it was of mammoth
proportions. It was a giant cylinder suspended above the lab floor by struts
and cables, at one end was a big black box, large enough for Washu and
several computers. Green light crackled the length of the cylinder, and
there were eight glowing red jewels placed around in a circle at the end.
Washu stepped inside her box at the end and flicked on the controls. She
moodily punched buttons. Lessee, this time, instead of simply creating
random space, the red head planned to create space for a specific entity.
“Ok, so, we need living space for an aquatic mammal, like a seal or
something. So all I need to do is shift around some of this extra space in
the X18 dimension...”
She hummed happily to herself as she turned dials and punched buttons. Maybe
this time it would work.

Sasami soon got bored of watching Ayeka and Ryoko fight. Tenchi had thrown
them out of the house, and they were standing in the yard fighting over
whose fault it was that they had gotten thrown out for fighting. The little
princess tied on her apron and walked into the kitchen. It was almost supper
time, and Sasami figured that there was nothing that would calm down the
uppity women more than a nice meal. Of course, on the other hand, meal times
was where most of the battles got their beginnings.
She started chopping vegetables, keeping an ear cocked. One never could tell
when Ryoko or Ayeka or Washu, for that matter, might accidentally annihilate
half the house again. Sasami had no desire to become part of the wreckage.
There were several curious popping noises and a loud ‘Dammit!!’ from
somewhere in the house. This was followed by a steady banging from the
inside of the refrigerator. Sasami opened the door curiously.
“Miss Washu!! What happened?”
Washu’s scowling, rumpled, and slightly burnt head was poking out of the
vegetable crisper.
“Never mind! I need you to help me with something!”
“Well, ok.”
Washu climbed out of the crisper and dusted herself off. “I need to know if
you know how to cook...” she reached back in the dimensional hole and pulled
something out. “This.”
Sasami gathered her jaw off the floor with a squeak. “But...Miss Washu, do
you know know what that is?”
Washu snorted and shook the duck-billed platypus in Sasami’s face. “Of
course I do! And I’ve got seven more of these things, so get a pot of water
boiling!! A big one!!!”
The platypus blinked lazily as Mihoshi and Tenchi came into the kitchen.
“Oh, no, Washu, where did you get that?” groaned Tenchi.
Mihoshi squealed. “Oh, it’s so cute! What is it?”
“Supper.”
“I told you, I can’t cook a platypus!!!” screamed Sasami as Mihoshi scooped
up the platypus and started tickling it.
Washu threw her hands in the air. “Well, what the hell am I supposed to do
with eight duck-billed platypi if we can’t eat them? They’re no good for
experiments. Mice and rent collectors are so much better.”
“You mean there are more of these things?” shouted Tenchi. Washu nodded.
“For Godssake, why do you keep doing this?”
“Oh, like it was my fault!!” she roared back. “You think I wanted my
invention to backfire? You think I like this? You think that I want things
to come to me?” She stopped. “Oh, shit!! Thats soooo cool!!”
“Whats so cool?” asked Mihoshi.
No answer from Washu, who was climbing back into the crisper, chattering
excitedly. Tenchi grabbed her by the hair. “What about the platypus?”
“Huh? Oh, talk to Sasami about it.” The little scientist disappeared, and
seven more platypi came shooting out of the dimensional hole before it
closed with a snap.
“Oh, wow, more of them!” giggled Mihoshi. Tenchi goggled. Sasami scratched
her head. “Maybe I should cook them all. There could be one for each of us
and one left over...”
“I won’t eat it!!”

For lack of a better caretaker (Sasami was busy and Tenchi was getting the
migraine that the girls always gave him), Mihoshi was put in charge of the
platypi. And for lack of brains, and a better place, the GP officer deduced
that the place a platypus would be most at home in would be the bath.
This conclusion was to become the subject of a rather violent dispute.
Kiyone, Ryoko and Ayeka had the shit scared out of them when they retired to
the baths before dinner, and Tenchi got a nasty shock when one adventurous
platypus swam through a dimensional portal into his bath.
Clutching a towel around him with one hand, and holding the creature by the
scruff of the neck in the other, he tore out of the bathroom and down to the
lab door.
“Washu!!! This is too much!! Send these things away to wherever you got
them!”
Several explosions erupted behind them, and five platypi came scampering
down the hall, as fast as a platypus can go when it is being chased by an
irate, naked, blue haired demon who was seeing red.
“Die, you thingies!!!” She burned several craters in the carpet, and spotted
Tenchi.
“Oh my God! It got you!!!” She attacked the platypus, missed, and brained
Tenchi. More screams, as Ayeka raced out waving her arms, with Kiyone
smacking the back of her head with a broom. Platypus number seven was firmly
attached to her hair. Ayeka knocked into Ryoko, who tripped over Tenchi, who
dropped his towel. Kiyone skidded to a stop, broom upraised, slowly turning
a beet red.
“Nobody move!!!”
They all froze as Mihoshi sprang down the steps from the bath, gun held in
shaking hands. “They must have rabies!! Don’t move, and I’ll shoot them for
you!”
They all closed their eyes and wished for the rabid platypi instead of
Mihoshi with a gun.
Sasami banged out of the kitchen, waving a butcher knife. “They most
certainly do no have rabies!!! Tenchi! Your towel!” She blushed.
“Oh my.” Mihoshi dropped her gun. It went off with a bang as it hit the
floor, the laser bullet ricocheting off the lab door and going through the
ceiling. Bits of tile, wood, and insulation rained down on them.
“This is stupid!!” screamed Kiyone. She walked over to thee lab door as
everyone else untangled themselves, and wrenched it open. “WASHU!!! WHAT
THE--”

Oh ho ho!!! What do they find in the lab? *^_^* Please tell me what you
think, this is my first Tenchi fic....I decided to go for as much humor as
humanly possible.
-Washu & Xellos