Tenchi Muyo! Multiverse #1
No Need For A Mining Ship!
By Ewen "Ryoga" Cluney

	Introduction: Tenchi Muyo! Multiverse is a sort of 
spinoff of TM! Universe, in which each episode presents a 
visit to a world that is parallel to Tenchi Muyo! in much 
the same manner as Pretty Sammy. This is the first one, No 
Need For A Mining Ship!, which sticks the Tenchi cast into a 
world loosely based on the British sci-fi comedy, Red Dwarf.
	DISCLAIMER: Tenchi Muyo! is owned by Pioneer LDC and 
AIC. Red Dwarf is owned by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor (and 
possibly the BBC -- I can remember).

	The doors of the stasis chamber slid open with a 
metallic scraping noise. Tenchi looked around -- there was 
no sign of anyone in the stasis corridor, which was odd, 
since release from stasis sleep was usually handled 
manually. Besides, it would be nice to have someone to 
explain what had happened in the past six months. "Um, 
hello?"
	"Hey there, Kiddo!" rang out the voice of Washu, the 
ship's computer. "How 'ya doin'?"
	He turned to look at the monitor. Washu was a 10th 
generation AI whose I.Q. was rated at over 6000. But she had 
the personality of a grade-school teacher, and her persona 
program gave the appearance of the head and shoulders of 
someone not more than 12 years old. "Fine, I guess. What's 
up?"
	"Well... that's a bit of a long story."
	He did not like the sound of this. "Oh boy."
	"Why don't you go up to the bridge and I'll explain it 
on the way."
	Tenchi gave a shrug, and walked towards the lift. 
"Well?"
	Washu popped up on the elevator's monitor. "It's like 
this. Light Hawk's drive plate got misaligned when 
Technician Kurata tried to seal it by himself. As a result, 
the entire ship was flooded with Cadmium II. The resulting 
radiation vaporized all of the crew except for you, on 
account of your being in stasis."
	The universe had just fallen apart. "WHAT!?!?!?!?!" 
Everyone on the ship was dead? Captain Nobiyuki, Lieutenant 
Aeka Jurai, Technicians Hiroshi and Daisuke? The lift doors 
parted and he numbly stepped out onto the bridge.
	"Unfortunately, the radiation also damage several key 
systems, as well as portions of my own circuitry, so I had 
to shut down until you could be released, which could only 
be done once the radiation had reached safe levels."
	Tenchi stopped in his tracks. "Wait a minute. Radiation 
stays around for a long time. A VERY long time."
	Washu nodded. "Three million years. And unfortunately I 
was unable to activate the reverse thrust, as the NaviComp 
systems are down at the moment."
	"THREE MILLION YEARS!!!!!!!"
	"Yup. And I hate to say it, but we were moving at 
orbital cruising speeds the whole time -- we ought to be on 
the other side of the galaxy by now. It'll take quite a 
while to get back."
	Tenchi held his hands in his head. "How... how can you 
be so calm?"
	Washu shrugged. "Actually I'm not, it's just that I'm 
appearing as such to keep you from panicking. By the way, my 
analysis says you'll need someone, a companion, to keep you 
sane."
	He looked up. "But if everyone's dead..." A hologram. 
That was the only possibility. Washu could maintain a single 
hologram simulation, and would have the backups of the 
entire crew to choose from. He could remember how the ship's 
M.D., Dr. Clay, had attended his own funeral in hologramatic 
form.
	On the floor was a light bee, a tiny device only two 
inches long, that served to project such holograms. Light 
swirled up from it, and coalesced into a human form, which 
gradually became more and more defined, until at last it 
became a very familiar face.
	"Hello, Tenchi."
	He looked at the specter of Aeka, his accidental 
fiancee, in disbelief. She looked much as he remembered, 
only with a letter "H," for "hologram" on her forehead. "Um, 
hi Aeka."
	She frowned. "You realize this is all your fault." she 
said coldly.
	"Me?"
	She nodded. "If you hadn't brought that cabbit thing on 
board you wouldn't have been put in stasis, and Kurata 
would've had someone to help him with the drive plate!"
	"B-but..."
	"Because of you everyone on the ship is dead! Worst of 
all, that includes me!"
	"Gee..." said Washu, "Isn't it interesting how a pair 
of technicians who normally deal with vending machines, one 
of whom was in stasis sleep at the time, got assigned to 
deal with the drive plate, rather than the actual 
engineering staff. Sounds like quite an administrative 
screw-up to me..."
	Aeka glared at the monitor. She had been an important 
part of the ship's administrative staff, which determined 
work schedules and so forth. If such a mistake had been 
made, it would've been made by her or one of her close 
colleagues. "Never mind!" she said at last. "That doesn't 
change our situation at all! We're still stuck out here, 
three million years from Earth, which may or may not still 
exist! Who knows what three million years of evolutionary 
progress have done?!"
	"Speaking of which," said Washu, "there's a non-human 
life form on board."
	Aeka and Tenchi looked at the monitor in disbelief. 
"WHAT!?!?!"
	"It's somewhere on one of the lower cargo decks. I 
suggest you check it out before we get much further. You can 
take a bazookoid down, but I can't get any direct access 
there."

	Tenchi had never imagined that that cute little gelf 
critter could've been so much trouble. He never even knew it 
had gotten into his bags until he was back in his quarters, 
and when the captain had found out, Tenchi could offer no 
explanation. And so, it was into the stasis chamber. Kurata 
was a nice guy, though he'd never met anyone who'd make a 
career of being a technician 1st class. He could just 
imagine the pudgy little guy looking at the orders, and 
failing to argue that this was totally out of his expertise, 
and finally heading off down the corridor, sweating all the 
way.
	As it stood, he and Aeka were on the freight elevator 
that led down into the auxiliary cargo bays, where months 
worth of provisions were stored, vacuum-sealed, such that 
they would've probably survived even now. When they finally 
reached Orange-6, though two jaws dropped.
	It was a city.
	A small one to be sure, crudely built from the 
materials to be found in the cargo bay, but it was 
undeniably a city.
	"It looks deserted." said Tenchi.
	Aeka nodded, and they proceeded out into the bay. 
Tenchi watched the PSI-Scan and kept the bazookoid handy.
	"There is one other life form here, in that direction." 
He motioned off to the right. After walking for several 
minutes, Tenchi stopped. They were in the middle of some 
sort of plaza. "Whatever it is, it's here."
	The two of them scanned the area, but could see 
nothing.
	Suddenly, there was a growl, and Tenchi was thrown to 
the ground. The next thing he knew, there was a wild-looking 
woman with light blue hair and catlike yellow eyes staring 
down at him. Actually, she was sort of on top of him. He 
wasn't thinking clearly enough to realize this fully, though 
Aeka certainly was, and it made her (simulated) blood boil.
	"Get off of him, you---!"
	The strange woman looked into his eyes, and smiled. 
"You're kinda' cute, whatever you are." She stood up, and 
helped Tenchi to his feet. "I'm Ryoko."
	"Uh, Tenchi." he replied shakily.
	"Tenchi, let me handle this!" Aeka shouted. She took up 
a karate stance, and charged straight at the newcomer. And 
passed straight through.
	Tenchi watched and scratched his head. Ryoko smiled. 
"So, where'd you guys come from?"
	"It's... a long story. You'd better come with us."
	Ryoko shrugged, and, much to Aeka's chagrin, put her 
arm around Tenchi's shoulders. "Anything you say, cutie."

	The three of them were on the bridge. Washu looked at 
Ryoko with interest. "As near as I can tell, what happened 
is this; your pet cabbit found its way into one of the outer 
cargo bays, and thus was sealed off from the crew area at 
the time of the accident."
	Aeka rolled her eyes. "So?"
	"She was also pregnant," replied Washu, "and her 
children evolved into a race of humanoids. This Ryoko is a 
Cabbit. A highly evolved one to be sure, but basically a 
Cabbit."
	Tenchi looked at the woman who was still hanging on to 
him. "But-- where are all the rest of them, then? We saw an 
entire city down there..."
	Washu shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. Chances 
are they left. Why don't you ask her?"
	He looked at Ryoko, who was sort of rubbing her head 
against his chest in the way that a cat does when their head 
itches. "Um... Ryoko?"
	She looked up at him and smiled. "Yes, Tenchi?"
	"Where... did the other cabbits go?"
	The question didn't quite seem to register with Ryoko. 
She just sort of smiled. "Tenchi, I'm hungry!"
	Aeka sighed. "Well, it seems she's even more stupid 
than she looks."
	"Ryoko..."
	"Hungry!"
	"Okay, okay." Tenchi walked over to the food dispenser, 
encumbered by Ryoko, and ordered a plate of carrots -- he 
remembered that his pet cabbit, Ryo-Ohki, had been 
absolutely nuts about the things. "Here, here's some food."
	Ryoko's eyes lit up; she tore into the package, and 
simply devoured the carrots. Tenchi took that opportunity to 
back away from her.
	"Really," said Aeka, "we should just kick her off the 
ship."
	"We can't do that!" said Tenchi, "We can't just leave 
her out in space, ya' know."
	"So you want to bring her with us?"
	"Why not?" asked Washu. "There's no reason not to. 
Besides, another pair of hands could be useful for the 
repairs we need to do."
	Ryoko looked up from her carrots and stuck her tongue 
out at Aeka. "Nyeeeeeeeeh! I get to stay!"
	"Ryoko," said Tenchi, "you still haven't told us where 
all the other Cabbits went."
	She looked up at him. "Hm? They all left. They went 
looking for some place called Gurth, 'cause it says in the 
Book of Carrots that Kenti the Bashful wanted us to go 
there."
	Tenchi, Washu, and Aeka looked at the cabbit-woman, 
trying to make sense of what had happened.
	After a moment, Washu spoke. "Of course! The cabbit-
people, felio-lepus sapiens, based their religion on 
Tenchi's desire to return back home to Earth."
	Tenchi scratched the back of his neck. "What's all this 
mean?"
	"It's simple. You're Kenti the Bashful."
	Ryoko looked at Tenchi, and grinned. "Him? Kenti?!" An 
instant later, Ryoko was rolling on the ground in laughter. 
"That's funny!" Tears came to her eyes. "You think HE'S a 
god?!"
	Aeka looked at Tenchi and smiled. "I suppose that *is* 
sort of preposterous."
	"Well," said Washu, "we'd better get going on those 
repairs."

*	*	*

	After a week, there were some ten service robots 
running around the ship, repairing systems like mad. Tenchi 
had finally convinced Ryoko to not cling to him all the 
time, mainly because he showed her how to get carrots from 
the machines on her own. She and Aeka had grown to detest 
one another, despite Tenchi's attempts to get them to get 
along.
	Tenchi sat, watching the monitors, and idly looking at 
a busted component which he held in one hand, a multi-tool 
in the other.
	Aeka strode into the room. "Tenchi! Turn on the comms! 
We're getting a signal!"
	"A signal?" Who could possibly be transmitting to them? 
"Washu? We're receiving a signal?"
	The computer's persona popped up on the monitor. "Hm? 
Oh, yeah!"
	"Washu, why didn't you tell me?"
	The computer rolled her eyes. "Well, um, I was busy 
with some things, and--"
	Tenchi gave a sigh. "Never mind! Just punch it up, will 
you?"
	"Sure thing, kiddo!"
	On the screen appeared the image of a woman. Actually, 
it was an android -- he could tell by the short blue lines 
along the left side of her forehead. "Um, hello?"
	Aeka faced the camera. "Yes? I am Lieutenant Aeka Jurai 
of the Jupiter Mining Corporation Ship Light Hawk. Who is 
this?"
	"Um, I'm Mihoshi, the android from the Yagami."
	"And you've sent out an S.O.S. because...?"
	Mihoshi looked behind her for a brief moment. "We 
crashed and we've been stuck here for a while, um... I'll 
transmit the coordinates."

	The three of them were at the helm of Kamidake, one of 
the Light Hawk's two Starbug-class transports. They came 
upon the Yagami in a matter of moments; it was a Space Corps 
exploration vessel which had crashed into an asteroid and 
become partially embedded.
	Tenchi piloted Kamidake in closer. "Looks like they had 
a crash. A bad one."
	Aeka nodded, and looked at the monitors. "According to 
the transponder codes it's a Space Corps exploration vessel, 
sent out on a special mission for the Coca-Cola corporation, 
causing supernovas in a calculated fashion so as to have 
an... advertising slogan appear in the sky on Earth. They 
departed during the 27th century, some three hundred years 
after Light Hawk left."
	Ryoko, sitting behind them, at the navigation console 
(not that she understood it -- it was just that it was the 
seat behind Tenchi), rolled her eyes. "What's all that 
mean?"
	Aeka frowned and tried to contain her anger, especially 
since she had no physical presence, and thus couldn't act on 
it. "It means that this ship, the Yagami, has been sitting 
there for quite some time, and further, it will be equipped 
with technology greatly in advance of our own."
	"Oh, of course." said Ryoko sarcastically.
	Tenchi brought Kamidake down onto the surface of the 
asteroid, only a few yards from the Yagami. It was a massive 
crimson ship, lodged into the asteroid rather firmly. Tenchi 
and Ryoko got into spacesuits, despite Ryoko's complaints 
about how unfashionable it was, and the three of them made 
their way to the Yagami's airlock. It opened immediately, 
and after a quick aeriation cycle, they stepped into the 
interior of the ship.
	Mihoshi stood before them, wearing a maid's outfit. 
"Hello there! Welcome aboard the Yagami!"
	"Um, hi there." said Tenchi, pulling off his helmet.
	She gave a short bow, and led them into the crew area. 
There Tenchi, Aeka, and Ryoko stopped and looked, agape, at 
what was before them; four skeletons, each fully clothed.
	Aeka was the first to speak. "Oh my dear."
	Mihoshi motioned to one of them. "This is Captain 
Kazue, and this is Lieutenant Hakko..." The android noticed 
how they were looking at her. "What's wrong? Is my hair 
messed up?"
	Aeka and Tenchi couldn't think of what to say, but 
Ryoko, lacking subtlety of any sort, put it bluntly. 
"They're all dead, you know. _Skeletons_."
	Mihoshi looked back at them in disbelief. "But... 
they're just resting."
	Ryoko rolled her eyes. "Yeah, resting *in peace*, as in 
permanently."
	"But... but..." The android looked around, confused and 
scared. "They _can't_ be! What am I going to do?" Synthetic 
tears welled up in her sky-blue eyes.
	"Well," said Tenchi, trying to think of how to comfort 
her. "You could come with us. Our ship isn't working right 
now and we could use any help you could give."
	Mihoshi paused, trembling, and then threw herself at 
Tenchi, wrapping her arms around him. "Oh, thank you! You're 
so kind to an old model like me!"
	Aeka and Ryoko watched this unhappily. "Anyway," said 
Ryoko, "we'd better get on with whatever we're going to do 
here. I'm getting hungry again, you know."
	"The rate you're going we'll run out of carrots in a 
week," said Aeka, "even though the stock is supposed to last 
a crew of over a thousand for two years. You're such a pig!"
	Ryoko put her hands on her hips and frowned. "I'm a 
cabbit, remember?"
	"Mihoshi," said Tenchi carefully, "is there anyone else 
on this ship we should know about?"
	The android looked around thoughtfully. "Um... I think 
there's someone in stasis still..." She led them to the 
stasis chambers, of which there were six. All were empty but 
one, which held a little girl. "This is Sasami, the 
captain's daughter." She looked at the control panel. "Let's 
see... how does this work again?"
	They all waited, until they realized that the main 
control panel had only two buttons on it.
	Aeka frowned. "Mihoshi?"
	"Just a minute, I think I've almost figured it out..."
	"Mihoshi, I think we can help with that, you see--"
	"Now, what was the command code again?"
	"IT'S 'OPEN'! How stupid can you be?!?!"
	"Huh?" Mihoshi turned around, and leaned against the 
control panel by accident. The stasis field dropped, and the 
door slid open. The girl, not more than nine years old, 
looked at those around her with curiosity.
	"Um, hi Mihoshi... Who are all these people?"
	She motioned to the three of them. "Miss Sasami, these 
are Ryoko, Aeka, and Tenchi. They came from a mining ship to 
rescue us."
	Sasami stepped down onto the deck, and gave a short 
bow. "Pleased to meet you, I'm Sasami Minamiu. What ship are 
you from?"
	Aeka, pleased to finally deal with someone who had both 
a backbone and some refinement, smiled. "We are from the 
Jupiter Mining Corporation Ship Light Hawk, and we are 
currently heading back to Earth."
	"Really? How long have I been in stasis?"
	Tenchi and Aeka exchanged glances, though neither could 
think of any easy way to explain just how long it must've 
been.
	"Sasami," said Tenchi, "I don't know when you were put 
in stasis, but our ship..."
	"Our ship," said Aeka, "suffered a radiation leak which 
killed off the entire crew save for Tenchi, who was in 
stasis for having brought a Cabbit on board, and the ship's 
computer didn't release him until 3 million years later, 
when the radiation went down to safe levels."
	Sasami looked up at them, worried. "Gee, that's an 
awful long time... And that means that you're dead too... 
But what about Ryoko?"
	Tenchi scratched the back of his neck. "Well, the 
cabbit that snuck into by luggage when I was on leave 
managed to get into the outer cargo areas, and was pregnant, 
and had children, and her descendants sorta'... evolved."
	"So she's actually a really evolved Cabbit?"
	Ryoko grinned. "You better believe it."
	"Well, we'd better get going now," said Aeka, 
impatiently.
	Sasami turned to Mihoshi. "Since you let me out, I 
suppose it means you took care of the polymorph already, 
right?"
	"Oops."
	Tenchi and Aeka couldn't believe what they were 
hearing. "WHAT!?!?!?!"
	Ryoko looked at them, confused. "What's a... poly... 
morph?"
	"It's a monster!" Aeka shouted, "It can assume any 
shape it wants, it feeds on emotions, and it's true form is 
a nine foot tall armor-plated killing machine!"
	"That's bad, huh?"
	"YES IT'S QUITE BAD! WE'LL ALL BE DRAINED OF EMOTIONS 
AND THEN EATEN ALIVE! I THINK THAT QUALIFIES AS 
BAAAAD!!!!!!!!!"
	Tenchi was not calm, but he was more scared than angry. 
"Um, so why isn't Mihoshi affected?"
	"I bet is just drained all her smarts out." said Ryoko.
	Sasami shook her head. "I wish. I think it can't affect 
artificial life forms. Either that or she's just not smart 
enough for it to affect."
	Tenchi scratched at the back of his neck again. "Let's 
not stay around to find out, okay?"
	They all agreed wholeheartedly, and decided to make 
their way back to Kamidake. Ryoko and Tenchi got back into 
their Space Corps vacc suits, while Sasami donned a custom-
made spacesuit that was all pink and aqua-marine, with 
little hearts and a big carrot design on the front that 
Ryoko had a hard time keeping her eyes off of. Aeka and 
Mihoshi didn't need suits, being vacuum-proof in both cases. 
They headed up the ramp and into Kamidake's cockpit, there 
unsuiting.
	"Well, let's get going." said Tenchi, "okay?"
	Aeka sat down at the sensor monitor, not sure of what 
to think about her newfound crewmates, when one of the alert 
sensors went off. "Um, excuse me..."
	"Say, Sasami," said Ryoko, "where'd you get that cool 
spacesuit?"
	"My father had it custom made for me on Venus. Do you 
like it?"
	"Excuse me..." Aeka repeated, a little louder.
	Mihoshi nodded. "I was there. It was a few months 
before we left on the Yagami."
	"EXCUSE ME! I think we have a bit of a problem here!"
	Everyone turned around at once.
	"The sensors are picking up an unidentified lifeform in 
this ship." she said carefully, as though if she raised her 
voice any more the problem would be magnified.
	Those present stopped and froze in fear. Ryoko was the 
first to speak. "So, where is it?"
	Aeka looked back at the monitor. "It seems to have 
gotten up into the engine section, in the ducts that run 
through the upper portion of the ship."
	Ryoko slammed one fist into the other outstretched 
palm. "Well, let's get those guns and go kick the thing's 
ass! I'm not gonna' let some little shapeshifting freak get 
any of us!"
	"Um, Ryoko..." said Tenchi, trying to calm down the 
situation.
	"I hate to say it," said Aeka, "but for once miss 
gigavolt hair is correct. We have to kill it now, before we 
get back to the Light Hawk. Otherwise it could wander around 
for weeks without us even knowing it, feeding a little at a 
time."
	Ryoko nodded. "Thank you-- what did you call me?!"
	Suddenly, the face of Washu popped up on the monitor. 
"Hey, kids! What's up?"
	As Ryoko and Aeka began to enter into yet another 
verbal battle, Tenchi faced the monitor. "We found an 
android and a little girl on the Yagami. And a polymorph was 
there also, and now it's on board Kamidake."
	Washu nodded gravely. "Be careful, Tenchi. You have to 
get it as soon as possible. Use your bazookoids at their 
highest setting, and in heat seeker mode if you can do so 
safely. And before you ask, you _should_ give one to Ryoko; 
her reflexes are excellent."
	"Okay. Sure thing."
	The computer winked before signing off. "Good luck. 
You'll need it."
	Tenchi went to the weapon locked, and pulled out a pair 
of bazookoids. These were multi-purpose energy projectors, 
designed for both mining purposes and use as a weapon, in 
case of attack by space monsters, gelfs, and so forth. Just 
as Ryoko and Aeka were about to come to the point of trying 
for physical blows (despite the fact that it was 
impossible), he handed one of them to Ryoko. "Come on. We've 
got to go after that thing."
	Ryoko took the thing in one hand (whereas Tenchi had to 
use two) and smiled. She looked back at Aeka. "Well, I guess 
_we_ have to go. Too bad Tenchi and *I* will have to go 
through those cramped, hot ducts and corridors together 
while you're stuck here."
	"Why you--!!"
	Tenchi handed a third bazookoid to Mihoshi, though he 
feared he might yet regret it. "Mihoshi, you watch things 
here. Aeka, explain to her how to operate it, and everyone 
keep an eye out."
	And with that, Tenchi and Ryoko disappeared down the 
corridor.
	Aeka frowned.

	Tenchi looked at the PSI-Scanner, but there was simply 
too much interference to get a definite fix on the thing. He 
and Ryoko walked down corridor after corridor, but could 
find no sign of it.

	Aeka paced back and forth, watched by Mihoshi and 
Sasami. "Really! That woman isn't even human! She's 
descended from a little mis-gened gelf creature!"
	Ryoko appeared in the doorway, with a grin a mile wide 
on her face. "Hello there." she said smoothly.
	Aeka faced the cabbit-woman and frowned. "WELL?!"
	"Well, I thought you should know, we didn't find the 
thing, but we did find... each other."
	Veins started to pulsate in Aeka's forehead. "Just what 
do you mean by that?!"
	Ryoko wrapped her arms around herself, and smiled 
wistfully. "You're a woman... well, you know... when a man 
and a woman get together, certain things happen..."
	Aeka made a fist. "LIKE WHAT?!"
	Mihoshi and Sasami looked on in fear. "Um, Aeka," said 
Sasami, "I think that isn't really Ryoko..."
	"It's just what comes naturally..." Ryoko continued 
coyly. "Between lovers..."
	At this point Aeka turned bright red. "THIS TIME YOU'VE 
GONE TOO FAR!!!!" She threw herself at Ryoko, only to have 
the woman suddenly transform into a terrible armored 
creature that was indeed some nine feet high. A tentacle 
flew forth from its great maw, and struck Aeka squarely on 
the head. Then, just as suddenly, the creature became a 
beach ball and started to bounce away.
	Mihoshi and Sasami rushed over to see the fallen 
hologram's condition.
	"Are you all right, Aeka?" asked Mihoshi.
	Aeka sat up with a start. "What?!" Suddenly, she seemed 
to spontaneously calm down. "What's happened to me? I feel 
different somehow..."
	Sasami looked her over. "Well, you look okay, but..."
	Mihoshi looked at the bazookoid. "I should've 
remembered to use this... Oh!" She began to cry again. "My 
memory circuits aren't working very well anymore! I've 
failed _again_! I'll never get to Silicon Heaven now!"
	Aeka smiled pleasantly. "It's all right Mihoshi. I 
forgive you."
	The two of them looked at Aeka in surprise. "You 
mean... you're not angry?"
	Aeka shook her head. "No. Why would I ever be angry?"
	"Oh no!" cried Sasami, "it took away all of her anger!"

	Ryoko and Tenchi had finally decided to split up, 
despite Ryoko's pleadings to the contrary. Tenchi's commlink 
activated rather suddenly. "Tenchi! This is Sasami! The 
polymorph was in here a minute ago... It... it drained all 
of Aeka's anger."
	Tenchi tried to imagine Aeka without any anger, and 
found it very difficult. For all her refinement, she had a 
mean streak a mile wide. "Understood." he said at last. He 
looked at the PSI-scanner again. Now there was finally a 
definite reading. Following it, he found his way to the 
cargo area, where Kamidake's emergency provisions and mining 
supplies were kept.
	Even though his knees were shaking, he continued on. 
"Ryoko," he said into the commlink, "I think it's here, in 
the auxiliary cargo bay. Get down here right away."
	"Sure thing, Tenchi dear."
	He crept along, carefully avoiding the stuff that was 
strewn everywhere. In the distance he could hear something 
stirring. "Damn. It's close." he muttered.
	For second after second he kept moving. Then, suddenly, 
something popped up from the shadows.
	He heaved a sigh of relief -- it was only Aeka.
	Then he realized, she was nude.
	"Hello, Tenchi." she said smoothly.
	Tenchi, for his part, turned bright red, blood dripped 
from his nose, and he was quick to turn around.
	"What's the matter, Tenchi?" she said, coming up behind 
him, wrapping her arms around him.
	The trickle of blood from his nose became a spray. Just 
as suddenly as she had appeared, Aeka transformed into a 
gigantic genetically engineered killing machine. A tentacle 
struck him in the forehead, and then the creature was gone.
	When Tenchi came to, Ryoko was standing over him. 
"Tenchi, are you allright?"
	He stood up, checked himself over. "I think so." Tenchi 
looked at Ryoko, and an odd impulse struck him. He put his 
arm around her shoulders. "You know, I'd been meaning to 
tell you, you're *really* sexy."
	Ryoko smiled, until she realized that the Tenchi she 
knew would *NEVER* say something like that. "Are you okay?"
	He nodded and grinned like an idiot. "Especially with a 
beautiful woman like you around."
	"You're feeling okay, then?"
	He nodded again. "Just fine, Ryoko."
	She scratched her head, trying to figure out what it 
was with him. It was as though... "The polymorph got you, 
didn't it?"
	"Yup. But I'm fine now."
	"So it took one of your emotions..." Ryoko opened up 
her blouse, revealing her rather ample cleavage. Tenchi 
didn't bat and eye. In fact, he was actually acting 
*interested*. She closed her blouse again. "That's it! The 
polymorph took your embarrassment!" It was difficult to tell 
just what he'd be like if that were true; embarrassment 
seemed to be the defining trait of Tenchi's personality. 
"We'd better regroup."
	Tenchi shrugged, and activated the commlink. "This is 
Tenchi here. I got attacked by the polymorph. We decided to 
regroup at the cockpit."

	The five of them were in the cockpit. Aeka was wearing 
a pink dress, and Tenchi had decided to take his tunic off 
because the cockpit was a little warm. Ryoko, Mihoshi, and 
Sasami watched the changed pair and hoped the same wouldn't 
happen to them.
	"Ryoko," said Aeka, "I hope you're taking good care of 
Tenchi."
	Tenchi had his arms around Ryoko, and she didn't 
answer.
	"So long as you're having fun."
	"What are we going to do about the polymorph, though?" 
asked Sasami.
	Tenchi shrugged. "I dunno. To tell the truth, I'm 
terrified of it. I don't want to go near it."
	"Tenchi," said Aeka calmly, "you're such a coward."
	He turned back to face her an smiled. "I know."
	Mihoshi sighed. "This is getting us nowhere. I'm not 
programmed to handle this sort of thing!"
	Sasami frowned. "I guess it's up to me." she said under 
her breath. "Adults are so stupid sometimes." She picked up 
a bazookoid, and headed off down the corridor, followed by 
Mihoshi.
	"You know," said Ryoko, "I've been wanting to tell you 
this for a long time, Aeka. You're a real pinhead. I mean, 
your petty bureaucratic ways of doing things combined with 
that holier-than-thou attitude make you the single most 
obnoxious _thing_ I've ever met."
	Aeka smiled good-naturedly. "Why, thank you Ryoko."
	In the distance there was a zapping noise, followed by 
a short yelp, followed by squishy noises. A moment later, 
Sasami returned, watched by Ryoko, Mihoshi and Tenchi.
	"I took care of the polymorph for you." she said 
flatly. "Are you back to normal yet?"
	Tenchi looked around, a little confused, and then 
quickly put his shirt back on.
	Aeka, meanwhile, had turned bright red. Veins throbbed 
in her forehead, and she trembled with rage. 
"RYOKO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tenchi, Mihoshi, and Sasami backed down 
the corridor, taking the bazookoids with them just in case.

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by Ewen "Ryoga" Cluney (ryoga_hibiki@hotmail.com)
Tenchi Muyo! Universe Home Page:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/6127/Tenchi.html

Beware of pandas carrying signs.
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