Time Passing By, Paradox, part 4 (original has captured stil of the contestants) Disclaimer: With the exception of Billy, Sandstorm (Emily Hayes), Shaw Gardner, and Ariel, none of the rest of the characters belong to me. They belong to their respective creators, whomever they may be. This little fan fiction is meant as pure, harmless fun and no profit is being made from it. Billy: When I said that I wanted a battle of the wits between me and Washu. This was *not* what I had in mind! {Billy is tied spread-eagled to an examining board, as Washu prepares for her examination.) Tenchi: I'm sorry, Washu tends to get a little carried away at times. Washu: (In her little nurses uniform) Oh, come on now. This won't hurt a bit. Ryoko: That's what you always say. "Ma." Washu: {sigh} Hell hath no fury like an ungrateful daughter. Why, it was experiments like this that enabled me to create you. Emily: {Entering the closed off chambers of Washu's makeshift lab.}What are you doing to Billy?! Washu: Just a little scientific experiment. Emily: {eyes starting to glaze over} Experiment? Washu: Yes. {Looks at her, a bit concerned.} Are you all right? Billy: Uh oh. Washu: It's not going to hurt him. Emily: {Eyes glowing in rage} How do you know that?! You're little better than Shaw. All the experiments that he performed on...... Washu: Oh, boy. Uh, listen. I'm nothing like this Shaw guy. Really, I'm not. Emily: I want to believe you. Really I do. But if you're different, then let him go! Or I'll dismantle this lab. {Specks of multicolored sand swirl around her. She gestures at a computer console, it immediately turns into sand.} Ryo-ohki: Meow! {Cue the cute little cabbit who can turn into an multipurpose spaceship} Emily: Wait. I forgot. You created her. You can't be....like him. If you created something as sweet and adorable as her. {Picks up Ryo-ohki and hugs her.} I'm sorry to have been a bother Washu. Please continue with your business. Billy: HEY?!? What about me?!? Emily: {Whispers to him.} Hey, I really don't want to take on an ex-Goddess, unless I absolutely have to. Billy: Goddess?!? Emily: Ex. She's an ex-Goddess. And keep your voice down. She doesn't remember anything prior to 20,000 years ago. Billy: Oh great. First I get squashed by an omnipotent Star Wars character. Emily: Star Trek, you mean Star Trek. Billy: Whatever. Now I get experimented on by an universal scientific genius, who just happens to also be an amnesiac ex-Goddess?! Geez. I guess it can't get much worse than this. Emily: Uh, Billy. Have you forgotten who.... No, just what, Ariel and Shaw are? Billy: No, of course not. Emily: Because it's not like this is the first time you have had to deal with beings of absurd power. Just use the brains that Cherakahn gave you, and I'm sure you'll find a way out of this. Billy: You're right of course. {After she leaves} Although, how it's going to help me in my current situation, I have absolutely no clue. Washu: Now, where were we. {Notices the expression on his face.} Oh, don't worry. All I want to do is give Ryoko a little brother or sister. Is that so terrible? Billy: Eep. {On that note. A special arrival has just materialized in Kalaki. We cut back to the picnic area.} Billy: Hey! You can't just leave me hanging like that?!? {Achem! Author glares at Billy. He sulks off. On that note. A special arrival has just materialized in Kalaki. We cut back to the picnic area where Dark Schneider, Arshes Nei, and Yohko have just arrived from their futuristic apocalyptic realm.} Yohko: Now, Luche. Please, and I do mean please, behave yourself. Arshes Nei: {sighs} I think it's too late, Yohko. Darshu's drooling. Darshu/aka Luche/aka Dark Schneider: Oh, come on girls. All I want to do is have a little fun! Yohko and Arshes together: That's what we're worried about. Ariel: Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. Dark Schneider's going to be a good little wizard, or else. D. S.: Or else, what? {Shamelessly flirts with her. Much to the chargrin of Yohko and Arshes} Ariel: Or else he's going to be singing Soprano from now on. If you get my drift. D. S.: {Arrogantly} You have no idea what I'm capable of. Ariel: {half-smiles as she tilts her head.} Are you sure? This is my territory. My reality. Your power is meaningless here. Go ahead, see for yourself. D.S.: Halloween!! {Nothing happens} Nani!? Impossible! Yohko: Baka!! {Hits him on the head.} You attempt one of your most powerful and destructive spells to see if your magic is working?!? Luche no baka!!! Ariel: Now be good. I really don't like to get heavy handed. We have a special event coming up, and you were invited for a reason. {Now cut to a forlorn Emily throwing pebbles into a heart shaped pond. As a tuckered out Ryo-ohki takes a nap on her lap.} India: Having a bad day? Emily: I 've had better. India: Man troubles? Emily: How'd you guess. India: It's painted all over your face. That, and you spelled out the name Magnus with pebbles. Emily: Oh. {Long awkward silence.} He chose someone else. India: {Nods sadly} I can relate. Although in my case, I was competing against an obsession. A past love. Emily: Hmm. Funny, that's what broke us up years ago. His obsession with his first wife. India: Oh. I guess all you can do is move on. I have. It took awhile, but I finally think I have finally found happiness, with his father. Emily: {Sighs. Whispers under her breath.} Soaps really do have convoluted relationships, don't they? India: Excuse me? Emily: Oh, nothing. {Ryo-ohki starts to stir.} Ryo-ohki: {Eyes still half closed from drowsiness.} Meow. India: {Looking at Ryo-ohki} This world definitively has the most, *interesting* creatures. Emily: Yeah, isn't she kawaii? India: "Kawaii"? Emily: Cute, it means cute in Japanese. India: Yes, she is rather adorable. Dorie would just go nuts over her. Emily: Your daughter? India: Yes. {Ryo-ohki jumps up and transforms into space ship mode.} Emily: What's up with her? India: Now there's something you don't see every day. Emily: I think she wants us to go with her. India: Uh, well. I'm not currently involved in any story line. Perhaps, I could use this experience to influence the writers to do a genuine never done before story line. Emily: Actually, I think "alien abduction" was done on that sitcom soap, "Soap". India: Shhh! They don't need to know that. {Four hours later. Ryo-ohki brings them back from their inter-galatic trip.} Emily: Ah, that was relaxing! India: And exciting! I never knew that there was so much intelligent life out there! Emily: Not to mention the shopping. India: Oh yes, these clothes are definitively out of this world designs. I think this dress will make a few men speechless, don't you? Emily: {Giggles.} Just be careful. You don't want to give Alan another heart attack. India: It was odd, however, that most everyone we came across spoke perfect Japanese. Emily: Yes, well, Kalaki has been overun with anime characters in recent years. Ariel: Where have you been?! The contest is about to start!! India: What contest? Ariel: The beauty contest of course! All the contestants have finally arrived! Emily: Oh, I guess I'd better get dressed then. India: For the contest? Emily: No, I'm a judge. If you want, you can be one as well. Ariel, you don't have a problem with that, do you? Ariel: Not at all. Knock yourself out. Just be aware, Ms. Von Halkein that the contest could create a conflict of interest for you. So it would be best to chose your pick carefully. India: If I can't be impartial, then why should I be on the judges panel? Ariel: Because there are no impartial individual's here. Everyone has their own personal biases. So the more judges the better, for our purposes anyway. {Now cut to the Grandstand at the picnic area.} Ariel: Attention. Attention all. The final contest of the day is about to begin. Ryoko {To Ayeka.} Just how long has this day been? It's seems like it has dragged out forever. Washu: Don't worry. This will be fun. Ayeka: Uh, Washu. Where's Billy? You didn't leave him tied up, did you? Washu? Ariel: Our first contestant in the "Beauty" contest is Yasha. He is from the anime, "RG Veda." {Various ooo's from the female members of the crowd.} Ariel: Our next one is Phillip Spaulding, from the "Guiding Light". {India gulps} Emily: {to India} Hence the aforementioned conflict of interest. India: No kidding! Ariel: Third is Dark Schneider, also known as Darshu or Luche, from "Bastard". D. S.: Of course. I am easily the most handsome man of all gathered here. Yohko: {sighs} Him and his ego. Ariel: Fourth is Bo Duke, from the "Dukes of Hazzard" Bo Duke: {whispers under his breath.} Ah, they still love me. {Grins and waves.} Billy: Of course, how unoriginal. Emily: Billy! You're back! Billy: Ayeka untied me. Ariel: Fifth is Remington Steele, from well "Remington Steele". Billy: Shameless author 80's crush number two. {Author glares at Billy.} Billy: Hey it's not like I'm in this contest! Author: You were, until now. Billy: Hey. I'll be good. I promise! Author: Too late. {To Ariel:} Please continue. Billy: Boy, did I stick my foot in it or what? Emily: Don't feel to bad, people are going to be judging by the photos, and since you don't have one.... Billy: I wouldn't have a chance in hell? Emily: Yup. Ariel: Sixth is Gourry from the anime "Slayers". {Lina closes her eyes in quiet contemplation} Gourry: Well, here I am. But for the record. I really hate this! {Gourry shows up wearing a dress.} Lina: Baka! Gourry: I thought this was a beauty contest? Lina: Not that kind of beauty contest you moron! {Pulls off Gourry's dress, leaving him in boxer shorts.} D. S.: Hey, I can do better than that! {Sheds clothes.} Ariel: SCHNEIDER! {Glares at him.} Put something back on now or be disqualified! D.S.: But this is how I usually dress. Yohko and Arshes: Well that's definitively true. {sigh} Ariel: I don't care! Remember our previous discussion. {Reluctantly, D. S. puts back on his clothes} D.S.: Spoil sport. Ariel: {Achem} Seventh is Hotohori from "Fushigi Yuugi". Nakago: Grrr. Why wasn't I picked?! Nuriko: Or me? Nakago: You really don't want to know do you? Ariel: Eighth is Yosho from the "Tenchi" OAV series. Tenchi: Grandpa?! Ayeka and Ryoko: Why not Tenchi?!? Ariel: You really have to ask? Anyway, please lose the phony old man guise Yosho. Ayeka: You lied to me? You told me that you had aged naturally. Why?! Because you didn't want to marry me?!! Billy: She was engaged to her half-brother?!? Eep. Ariel: Ninth is Magnus, aka Magneto. {Emily and Rogue both sigh.} Ariel: Tenth is Sheriff Buck from "American Gothic". Emily: You have got to be kidding me!? You can't have a fallen angel in this contest?! Author: But Gary Cole *has* to be in it. Emily: Then use one of his other roles. Author: Like what? Emily: Midnight Caller. Author: What role did he play? Emily: How the hell should I know, I never watched the show! Author: Ok, he's Midnight Callerwhateverthehellhisnameis. Ariel: {Sigh} Now, since Billy was disqualified due to insubordination. {pan to a dejected looking Billy} Our 11th contestant in the contest is Ken-ohki. Ryo-ohki: MEOW!! {Ariel smiles at the cabbit's enthusiasm over her boyfriend's nomination.} Billy: She replaced me with a cabbit?! Oh, the humiliation!