Admittedly, I'm a bit of a neophyte with this.  Paradox is my attempt at
humor, and I'm not sure how well it works.

Intro:

Time Passing By, {Written under the influence of M & M's}

Paradox, part 1

Sandstorm: Umm, Billy, When I become Magnus's wife??

Billy: Uh oh, Shaw's up to it again (either that, or our author is getting
ahead of herself. She tends to do that quite a bit.)

Emily: What can we do about this?

Billy: Personally, I think we should regroup while I read some more Mhairie.

{Thwack!}

Billy: What was that for?

Emily: You really have to ask?

Billy: Why don't you just ask Bo about this?

Emily: Bo?? Who is he??

Billy: Bo Duke, our beloved {Beloved?!?} leader......

Emily: Wha...??? What have you been smoking?!? Wait a sec....... Is that the
General Lee?!? Thisisnothappeningthisisnothappeningthisisnothappening.
Thisisalladreamthisisalladreamthisisalladream. {Starts clicking her heels
together.}
There'snoplacelikehomeThere'snoplacelikehomeThere'snoplacelikehome.

Billy: {Waves hand in front of Emily's face} Earth to Sandstorm, earth to
Sandstorm. Come in Sandstorm. You there Em?

{Bo Duke saunters over to them}

Bo: How are you guys doing?

Emily: {Snaps out of her stupor.} Where's the "Sheriff". We need to find him
and neutralize him. He's a ........... Now what's a good word to describe
him? "Monster" sounds so cliched.

Billy: Oh come on now, Roscoe's not all that bad.

Bo: Roscoe's gone. We have a new sheriff in town, his name is Buck. Comes
from a small town called Trinity.

Emily: Oh dear Lord, now Shaw looks like Gary Cole. Now I won't be able to
stop drooling when I see him.

Billy: That's an image I didn't want rolling around in my head.

Bo: "Gary Cole"?

Emily: He's the actor who played Sheriff Buck on American Gothic. Just like
*you* are played by John Schneider.

Bo: Oh I get it, this has to do with all those alternative realities you
have
been to. Is it something resembling that Sliders television show?

Emily: But this is the "television" world. Sliders characters should exist
here as well. Just like Scooby, Godzilla, KITT, MacGyver, Sam Beckett, Jem,
etc., etc. Speaking of MacGyver, why doesn't Mac lead this little group of
misfits?

Bo: Just what are you implying? That I'm not capable?

Emily: No, just that he's far more ...... um....... how should I put this
delicately......... capable of dealing with difficult situations.

Bo: Oh, and I'm not?

Emily: No, he just........ well he can.....

Billy: Oh just come out and say it Emily, MacGyver's a bloody genius.
Whereas
Mr. Duke here has a double digit IQ. Everyone knows that Luke was the brains
of the pair. Our author just happened to "like" Bo better.

Bo: Hmmph! That never bothered anyone before. {Stomps off.}

{Emily tries to use her teleportation powers. All she gets is a pile of blue
sand at her feet.)

Emily: My powers aren't working for some odd reason. We need to find this
reality's version of Ariel.

Billy: "This reality's", but Emily, this is mmphh..... {Sandstorm hastily
covers his mouth}

Emily: Don't say it! Don't even think it!

Comments/criticism welcomed.

Disclaimer: With the exception of Billy Hayes, Sandstorm (Emily Hayes), Shaw
Gardner, and Ariel, none of the rest of the characters belong to me. They
belong to their respective creators, whomever they may be. This little fan
fiction is meant as pure, harmless fun and no profit is being made from it.

Time Passing By, Paradox part 1

Now, picking up not quite where we left off.............

Emily: You know Rogue, I am getting really sick and tired of you whining
about not being able to touch people! So here! {Waves her hand to cast a
spell.} Now you can touch whomever you want. Go ahead. Knock yourself out!

{Rogue looks at Gambit, then turns and looks at Magneto.}

Billy: Hmm..... You could always try a three..

{Emily bashes him over the head with her chair.}

Billy: Ouch.

Rogue: But isn't Magneto your husband Sandstorm??

Billy: {Rubbing the huge lump jutting out of his head} She's his wife only
in
the "Time Passing By" regular continuity. This is the Paradox (TV World) so
he's fair game.

Emily: Says you! {Shoots an icy stare in his direction.}

Billy: Then why on Earth did you give her control over her powers??

Emily: As I mentioned before her whining was driving me nuts!

{Emily and Rogue lock eyes as they start to argue over their mutual love
interest as a somewhat stunned and flattered Magneto watches on. Meanwhile
"poor" Gambit observes the goings on in complete and utter horror.}

Gambit: Um, chere??

Billy: Give up Remy, our author likes him better. In other words, you have a
snowball's chance in hell.

Meanwhile, over at the bar Quicksilver and Phillip Spaulding (From "Guiding
Light") are commiserating over their respective fathers while drowning their
sorrows in alcohol.

Pietro: Anyway, even though he didn't know that he was our father when we
were in his "Brotherhood", that doesn't excuse what he did to my sister and
I.

Phillip: I know what you mean Pietro, there have been times that I have
wanted to change my last name to Marler.

Pietro: "Marler"?

Phillip: Alan's not my biological father. He bought me ::achem:: "adopted"
me
when I was just a little baby. My real father is Justin Marler. Why I even
still speak to Alan is beyond me. He's lied to me about my true parentage.
He
faked my first love's, Beth Raines, death, "for my own good". Only telling
me
about that after I had married his worst enemy's daughter. (Who later on
married both my half-brother, and my biological uncle, Ross, as well as
sleeping with my other biological uncle, Ben.) Admittedly, he ended up being
right about Roger, but that doesn't change the fact that he had tried using
his own unborn grandchild to blackmail me into allowing him back into
Spaulding Enterprises. Then he shot me at my own wedding while trying to
unmask Adam as being Roger.

Pietro: That's horrible! My father has tried to kill me too, in the name of
his "cause".

{Alan walks up to the pair and taps Phillip on the shoulder.}

Alan: ::Achem!:: You're forgetting a few things Phillip. Like how you
maneuvered that Spaulding/Lewis Oil merger solely to bankrupt and humiliate
me.

Phillip: After you disowned me!!

Alan: You wanted me to disown you, or was that vice versa? Regardless, you
didn't want anything do with me after the "Art Scam" fiasco. But getting
back
to the merger. You didn't care who got hurt. You just used the Lewises to
get
what you wanted. Or the fact that, that late, lamented unborn baby was a
result of you sleeping with your best friend's wife!

Rick: Yeah pal, don't think that I have forgotten about that!

Lujack: Not to mention, sabotaging my club when Beth chose me over him. You
aren't exactly a saint cous'.

Phillip: What???? Lujack?? You're dead! What the.......Just where are
we?????

Pietro: {Pours another shot of whiskey and passes it over to Phillip.} The
Twilight Zone perhaps?

In the meantime.. over at an undisclosed location. MacGyver and Little Washu
(from the Tenchi anime series) are discussing the pros and cons of her new
"world annihilator" invention.

MacGyver: While I admit that the design is quite admirable. Really it is.
Don't you think you should use your vast intelligence on an invention to
help
mankind rather than something that will bring about it's extinction?

Washu: {Stares at him blankly.} Where's the fun in that?

MacGyver: "Fun?!" You think creating weapons of mass destruction is "fun?!"

Washu: Hey, when you live for more than twenty thousand years {1} life gets
a
little boring. You got to push the envelope. You know what I mean?

MacGyver: {Mouth hanging open.} Twenty..... thous...thousand..... years!?!
Oh
the hell with it! {Sticks a paper clip strategically into Washu's invention.
The device promptly crumbles into a pile of rubble.}

Washu: Hey! I spent a whole afternoon building that!

Meanwhile, over at a picnic table Usagi (Sailor Moon), Miaka (Fushigi
Yuugi),
and Lina Inverse (Slayers) are participating in a pie eating contest. While
Tuxedo Mask (SM), Tamahome (FY), and Gourry (Slayers) watch on.

Tuxedo Mask: I have 6,000 yen on Usagi.

Tamahome: No, Miaka will win, you'll see. 9,000 yen on her.

Gourry: You're both wrong. I underestimated Lina in the beginning. I *won't*
make that mistake again. 12,000 yen on Lina.

Tuxedo Mask: Geez, given how they stuff themselves, how can they possibly
stay so thin?

Tamahome: No kidding!

Gourry: I think I'm going to be sick. {Covers his eyes.}

Lina: {To Gourry} Hypocrite!!!

{Lina, noticing that Usagi and Miaka are slightly ahead of her, decides to
delay her foes by throwing a fireball at them. Unfortunately, due to the
distraction of her gloating over their charred (but still alive) bodies, she
doesn't notice a Great Dane sneaking up by the table and gulping down the
rest of the apple pies.}

Daisy Duke: And the winner of the pie eating contest is............ Scooby
Doo!

Lina: Nani!?! (translated from Japanese, "what") That's a dog!

Daisy: {dryly} Very observant.

Lina: A dog can't win a pie eating contest! They are just ......"dumb"
animals!

Gourry: Careful, Lina. Remember that "fishman"?

Lina: {Tosses a fireball in Gourry's direction.} Don't remind me!

Scooby: Scooby Roo!

Gourry: {coughs} See!

Lina: {Scratches her head.} Urm, I really didn't mean any offense with that
"dumb animal" talk.

Scooby: Raeh right!

Meanwhile, Billy is now watching Ryoko and Ayeka (From the Tenchi anime)
fight over Tenchi.

Billy: Ayeka, I have always wondered why you keep on forgetting your
relationship to Tenchi?

Ayeka: How so?

Billy: Well, after all, he *is* your grand-nephew.

Ayeka: So?

Billy: It's incestuous!

Ryoko: Yeah, Ayeka. So why don't you leave me and Tenchi alone? {Grabs
Tenchi
and pulls him to her chest.}

Ayeka: Grrrrrrr....

{Ayeka and Ryoko go back to pulling at each others hair.}

Tenchi: ::sigh:: Here have some saki.

Billy: Thanks. {Looks over at Sandstorm and Rogue.} At least neither of them
are related to Magnus.

Bo Duke stomps into the area.

Bo: All right, everyone, it has come to my attention, that certain people
think MacGyver would be a better leader for this little group. Now, I
believe
fervently in a democracy. So I say that we take ourselves a vote. All those
in favor of me, raise your hand.

{Washu raises her hand, spitefully looking at MacGyver.}

Bo: All those in favor of MacGyver, raise your hand.

{Everyone else raises their hand.}

Bo: Luke?? Daisy? {Gives them a wounded look.}

Luke: Sorry Cous'.

{Daisy just shrugs.}

Bo: Well then, I guess.... Oh wait, I'm forgetting someone.... Now who isn't
here....

{Behind him Godzilla rises from the moat and gives the assembled masses a
rather menacing look.}

Bo: {Smiles wickedly.} Maybe we should take another vote. All those in favor
of me, raise your hand.

{Everyones hand shoots up.}

Bo: Great, it's anonymous! {Turns to Godzilla.} Thanks, big guy.

Billy: So much for democracy.

Emily: Maybe there's hope for him after all.

{1}  According to the Tenchi OAV series, volume #8, Washu gave birth to a son
20,000 years prior.