[Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo! and its characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC, Inc. and was created by Masaki Kajishima. Chicken Boo is trademarked and copyrighted by Warner Bros. This story comes entirely from my imagination, and is strictly intended to be apocryphal--so please don't sue me.] 1 EXT. HEN HOUSE A few chickens peck the ground, as bg. music starts up. 2 INT. HEN HOUSE A giant chicken--Boo--goes up to a nice rectangular floor mirror. BG. MUSIC "Chicken Boo, what's the matter with you? You don't act like the other chickens do-- You wear a disguise to look like human guys, But you're not a man! You're a chicken, Boo!" CU. BOO (looking in mirror) He puts on several different disguises, tilting his head suggestively, considering. FADE OUT 3 TITLE: "TENCHI BOOYO!" 4 EXT. FLOATING ONSEN 5 INT. POOL Ayeka and Ryoko are relaxing in the pools, as Sasami sits at the edge, kicking up some water with her feet. AYEKA: There's something different about Lord Tenchi, today. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but he seems so much more manly today. I shudder to admit this, but my heart is pounding in my chest, just thinking about him. Oh, I think I shall just die! He's so perfect for me! RYOKO: (amused) Forget it, Princess! My Tenchi is too much man for you! I bet you'd faint just at the thought of one hot, steamy night with him. You know you can't compare with me. I'm the bad girl, and guys always fall for the bad girl. You wait. This morning, he wasn't embarrassed at all around me. Tenchi and I were meant to be together! Mihoshi suddenly appears, holding a bottle of sake. MIHOSHI: Oh, you all are so silly! (wistfully) Tenchi is my destiny. And I think today is the day we are going to get married! Oh! When he looked at me this morning, I could just see so much love and kindness in his eyes! You two may think you can win his heart, but I'm so sweet and innocent, he'll just fall into my arms! Tenchi is such a romantic! Mihoshi sits at the edge of the pool, weeping with joy. CU. SASAMI SASAMI: (matter-of-factly) Actually, he's a giant chicken. POOL A general gasp splits the air. CU. RYOKO RYOKO: (outrage) What did you say? CU. AYEKA AYEKA: (annoyed) Now, Sasami. Just because you are young, doesn't mean you can just say anything you wish. If you insist on making fun, at least do so in a wholesome way. You are a princess, too, you know. POOL Ryoko is glowering at Sasami, as Mihoshi looks up at Sasami in shock. Ayeka frowns, thoughtfully. MIHOSHI: Oh, Sasami! How can you say such a mean thing? I thought we were friends! RYOKO: You little brat! You're just jealous! You stay out of this! AYEKA: Ryoko, you shouldn't be so vindictive. This attitude of hers is all your fault. RYOKO: (turning to Ayeka) Huh? Oh, not that stupid argument again! AYEKA: You are a bad influence on the young one, Ryoko. She takes this casually perverse air from you. RYOKO: You're the one who always starts it, Princess. You're so obnoxious, anyone would gladly scorn you. AYEKA: (defensive) I'm not the monster, you are! CU. SASAMI SASAMI: (pleading) But he is a giant chicken, I tell you! A giant chicken! CU. RYOKO She trembles in anger. CU. AYEKA AYEKA: (upset) Sasami, you leave here this instant! We are going to have to discuss this, but I will make sure you are severely punished, first! This is the last time I put up with your insolence! POOL Sasami seems about to object, as Ryoko flies out of the pool and drags Sasami over to the door. CU. MIHOSHI MIHOSHI: (mournfully) I can't believe Sasami. How could she be so rude! CU. AYEKA AYEKA: Well, Mihoshi, it only shows you how familiarity can sometimes breed envy... CU. SASAMI SASAMI: But Ryoko, if you would just listen to me for a moment-- CU. RYOKO She opens the entrance door and kicks Sasami out. RYOKO: Good riddance, you little brat! POOL Ryoko turns and casually wipes her hands. AYEKA: Anyway, you are all deluding yourselves. I'm so much more worthy than either of you. You can only win his heart, but I can give him the throne of a galactic empire! RYOKO: (snorting) You mean, if Azusa has a fit and keels over dead, of course. AYEKA: (gasping) How dare you talk about the emperor that way! My father will respect me! Tenchi can prove himself, and everyone knows it! MIHOSHI: (pondering) But, I thought he only won that duel because of me... Ryoko and Ayeka glower at Mihoshi for a moment. RYOKO: (amused again) Anyway, Princess, isn't it against Jurai royal code for you to contemplate the death of an emperor? This is grounds for a beheading, is it not? CU. AYEKA AYEKA: (stunned) I was not thinking any such thing! You were! I was only suggesting the logical line of succession! CU. MIHOSHI MIHOSHI: But, isn't that against the Seto Treaty? You could start a war, just implying a thing like that. POOL Ayeka hides her face in disgust, as Ryoko laughs. RYOKO: Yeah, Princess. You're nothing but trouble for poor Tenchi. I, on the other hand, can make all his wildest fantasies come true. I'm not tied down to any old stupid code. I follow my own rules! Tenchi can rule the universe with me at his side! AYEKA: If you don't get caught, you mean. You're nothing but a pirate! If Tenchi ends up with you, it'll probably be in a cage, somewhere--miserable and publicly humiliated! RYOKO: With you, Princess, every day would be a public humiliation! Those Juraians don't exactly warm up to Earthlings, you know! AYEKA: They will just have to learn! It is already our formal decree! CU. MIHOSHI MIHOSHI: Oh, just come off it! Tenchi doesn't want any of that! He just wants a plain, simple life! I'm a very plain and simple kind of person, you know. CU. RYOKO RYOKO: 'Simpleton,' you mean. CU. AYEKA AYEKA: Plain, you may be, Mihoshi, but you are anything but simple. You hurl yourself from one difficulty to the next. Tenchi would never have a moment of peace with you. CU. MIHOSHI MIHOSHI: That's silly, Ayeka! I don't care about any of that! In my heart, I'm very innocent and gentle. I would never have another moment of trouble with Tenchi. POOL RYOKO: Naive little girl! You don't know the first thing about avoiding trouble! I've been avoiding trouble all my life. I can make Tenchi happier than any of you! AYEKA: How happy would Tenchi be, getting chased around by police all the time? Really, Ryoko. You are the one who is naive! You think people would just forget all the crimes you've committed? RYOKO: But none of that was my fault! It was all Kagato, I tell you! AYEKA: Yeah. Just try explaining that to all the people who lost their families. They don't care who ordered it. They just want to see you suffer--and they might hurt Lord Tenchi to get to you, if he were ever foolish enough to be seen your company! MIHOSHI: Yeah. Tenchi would be much safer with me! At headquarters, I could have my grandfather arrange for him to have constant protection--maybe even a new identity. Ryoko and Ayeka glare at Mihoshi, ominously. CU. ENTRANCE The door slides open for Boo, wearing a wig and a kimono. He enters. CU. RYOKO Floats up in front of Boo, fingering his chest. RYOKO: Tenchi! How are you, my darling? CU. AYEKA Goes to stand next to Boo. AYEKA: Lord Tenchi! How handsome you are, today! My heart is bursting with joy to see you! CU. MIHOSHI Nervously sidling up to Boo. MIHOSHI: Tenchi! How do you feel? Don't just stand there, say something. CU. BOO Cocking his head around, somewhat smugly--but very bird-like. BOO: Ba-kaw! Bak-bak-ba-kaw? POOL RYOKO: Don't be embarrassed, Tenchi. You never say anything I'm ashamed of, you know. AYEKA: Fate has brought us together, Lord Tenchi. There is no need for you to apologize. MIHOSHI: It's so sweet that you are so modest, Tenchi. You know I'd do anything for you, though! CU. BOO Looks around at the entrance, then back at the girls. BOO: Bak-bak-bak. Bak-ba-kaw! POOL The three look a little stunned. RYOKO: (shocked) What? AYEKA: (forlorn) Another? Who? I don't understand! MIHOSHI: (starting to cry) You're not leaving me, are you? Oh, Tenchi! How could you? BOO: Bak-bak. Bak-bak-bak. Washu appears in the door. WASHU: (smug) That's right! Surprised? CU. RYOKO RYOKO: But, Mom! You know how I feel about Tenchi! How could you do this to me? CU. WASHU WASHU: Well, it's very simple, actually. Tenchi and I were just discussing it. Tell her, Tenchi. CU. BOO Looks down for a moment, then at Ryoko. BOO: Bak-bak-bak-ba-kaw. Bak-bak-bak-bak? CU. RYOKO Her eyes widen, and she begins to weep. CU. AYEKA She gasps and looks at Ryoko, curiously. AYEKA: You actually said that? Why in the world did you do that? CU. MIHOSHI She frowns for a moment, then gapes in understanding. MIHOSHI: Oh! So, when you said you wished Achika was your mother too, Tenchi took it to mean that you wished you were his sister... CU. RYOKO Scowling as she continues to weep. RYOKO: It's not true! I never meant anything like that! Oh Tenchi, what I feel is so much deeper than that! You must believe me! CU. WASHU A little stern, as she considers Ryoko. WASHU: Now, now, Ryoko. It's no use, trying to deny it. You may have meant it as a slight to me, but it revealed something I think is essentially true. I mean, face it. You don't really know anything about love. POOL Washu consoles Ryoko, as Ayeka looks thoughtful. AYEKA: But, Tenchi. This is all so sudden and thoughtless. How could you neglect me? I am your true and perfect mate, and you know it. BOO: Bak-bak. AYEKA: (shocked) What? BOO: Ba-kaw! Bak-bak-bak-bak-bak-ba-kaw! Bak-bak-bak-bak-bak. Bak-bak-bak? CU. AYEKA She trembles with grief and anger. AYEKA: No! That is a lie! I love you, Tenchi-- not Yosho! CU. WASHU WASHU: (gently) Really? Are you sure? CU. RYOKO Collects herself and looks up at Ayeka. RYOKO: Yeah. Now that I think about it, it makes sense. You only latched onto Tenchi out of grief for Yosho. You tried to take Tenchi on the rebound, but you're really still in love with Yosho! CU. AYEKA Putting her face in her hands, and starting to weep. AYEKA: No! It's nothing but lies! No! POOL Ryoko looks smugly at Ayeka--who is weeping, wrenchingly. Mihoshi looks around, confused. MIHOSHI: Tenchi--don't you know how I feel? I only came here for you. CU. BOO He looks down for a moment, then up at Mihoshi. BOO: Bak-bak. Bak-bak-bak-bak. CU. MIHOSHI She smiles, as tears fall down her cheeks. MIHOSHI: Oh! That's so sweet! I understand, Tenchi! But, you're breaking my heart, you know? CU. WASHU WASHU: You'll get over it, kid. I should know-- well, maybe not. Eh, who cares? (she turns to Boo) Are you ready? Let's get out of here before the real fireworks start. CU. RYOKO Glaring at Washu, venomously. RYOKO: What makes you think you can just walk out of here, Washu? POOL Washu has suddenly grown as tall as Ryoko. She goes and looks Ryoko in the eyes. WASHU: And who's going to stop me? You? BOO: Bak-bak-ba-kaw! WASHU: Just stay out of this, Tenchi. Sometimes, a mother has to do what a mother has to do. RYOKO: How are you going to get out of here? WASHU: I'll just take Ryo-Ohki. It's not like you own her. Anyway, if I left her here you would just track us down. I kill two birds with one stone, that way. CU. RYOKO RYOKO: You bitch! We'll just see who gets killed today! CU. ENTRANCE Tenchi apppears in the doorway, looking in curiously. TENCHI: Hey! What's all the commotion in here? What's this giant chicken doing in that get-up? POOL Boo looks very embarrassed, as the others look around in confusion. Washu reverts back to child-form. WASHU: Chicken? I don't see any giant chicken. AYEKA: Oh my god, Tenchi! But, now there are two of you! Which one is which? RYOKO: Hey! There's something funny going on here! Mihoshi is completely stunned. TENCHI: (very disconcerted) Have you all gone nuts? Look! He grabs the wig and the kimono from Boo. Boo is quite obviously a giant chicken. A general gasp splits the air again. WASHU: He is a giant chicken! (groaning) I can't believe I actually kissed him! Sasami suddenly appears in the door, next to Tenchi. SASAMI: I told you that guy was a chicken. Come on, Tenchi. I think the others will want to be alone with him for a while. Tenchi leaves with Sasami, and the others turn and look at Boo, very venomously. CU. BOO His wings start trembling in fear. BOO: Bak-bak? IRIS OUT ALREADY, PLEASE! THE END *** NOTES: Frank Welker is the VA for Chicken Boo in the Animaniacs. He also does Ralph the Guard, The CEO, The Announcer, Flavio, Buttons, Runt... He is also Abu from Disney's Aladdin, and I understand he does a lot of weird animal noises for other cartoons.