Robert "Chazo" Montoya
hotluvchef@aol.com
Tenchi Ball Z - Episode 2: No Need For Death
Crossover
Continuation of the Tenchi Ball Z spinoff of "The Newcomers".  All of our
heros have died, but will the afterlife prove more interesting than ours?

Yes!  Thank god!  I have finally had the stories returned to me!  for all my
adoring fans, your wait is over, here is the long awaited Episode two of the
Tenchi Ball Z saga.  Here's why it took so long for it to get here.  The
laptop that i saved the stories on was in the shop for 3 months.  It was a
problem because I was stupid enough to not back up the stories on a hard
disk.  Oh well, here's the second episode of Tenchi Ball Z.  ENJOY!

*DISCLAIMER*
I DO NOT BY ANY MEANS OWN TENCHI OR ANYTHING RELATING TO DRAGONBALL Z
(EXCEPT THE 4 CHARACTERS I MADE UP).  ZERO, D-SHADE, DOUBLE S, AND GREY FOX
ARE PROPERTY OF BMSCAIFE@AOL.COM.  IF YOU WANT TO READ PREVIOUS ADVENTURES
THAT HE HAS WRITTEN, CHECK OUT THE TENCHI MUYO FAN FIC ARCHIVE.  KEEP IN
MIND THAT HE IS A PERVERT SO HIS STORIES WILL BE IN THE LEMONS SECTION.
 NOBODY SUE ME BECAUSE THEIR EFFORTS WOULD BE FOR NAUGHT.

LAST TIME ON TENCHI BALL Z. . .

   Washuu had almost completed her time machine, but due to some whining by
Ryoko, she was forced to use it ahead of time.  However something went
terribly wrong, and instead of them going into the past, they went 100 years
into the future.  While there they met up with some "friends."  To decide
which side was stronger, they decided to have a couple of matches.  Double S
toppled Shou with a painful knee to the groin that shortened his sperm count
heavily.  Mia managed a victory against D-Shade using her cunning and
beauty.  Then in an unexpected turn, they decided to skip right to Chazo
V.S. Zero.  It seemed that even though Chazo was no match strength wise, his
intelligence evened up the score.  But when the two combatants locked horns
in an energy standoff, the blast went haywire and everyone was engulfed
inside!  Did they survive?  Find out today on TENCHI BALL Z!

NO NEED FOR DEATH

It took a while before Chazo woke up.  When he did, he found that he had a
huge headache.

"What the hell happened?  Was I drinking again last night?"

As he looked around him, he saw that the surroundings looked eerily
familiar.  Then it hit him.  He was dead.  He wondered if Zero was with him,
since he must've been engulfed in the blast with him.  But as he looked
around, he saw that the situation was worse than he thought.  Not only did
he and Zero die in the blast, so did everyone else around them.  He
recognized Tenchi and his friends, and also his own crew.  He also noticed
all of Zero's friends were here too.

"Damn," he thought, "how big was that explosion?"

He decided to wake up the other members of his crew, Zero could wake up his
own damn friends when he gets up.  He went over to Shou and shook him
slightly.  He continued snoring.  He shook him a little harder, nothing.
 Getting a little frustrated, he stomped on Shou's stomach, causing Shou to
get up coughing and gasping for air.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Wake up you ass, we got a problem."

"What?"

"You want the long explanation?  Or the short one?"

"The short one."

"Ok.  We're dead."

"WHAT?"

"Go wake up Zero.  Tell him to wake up his friends."

As Shou walked over to Zero, he was thinking of what he should say.  He
decided he would try what Chazo did to him and stomp on his stomach.  As he
stood over Zero, he raised his foot, ready to stomp down.  All of a sudden,
he felt a crushing pain in his nuts again.  He looked down and saw Zero
glaring at him with red eyes, crushing Shou's package in his hands.

In a high pitched voice, Shou said, "Ok!  Ok, leggo!  Please leggo!"

As Zero let go, Shou fell to his knees in agony.

Zero eyes went back to normal.  "Where the hell are we?  What's with all the
clouds?"

"I don't know how to tell you this, but we're dead."

"HUH?  How did we die?"

As the pain was slowly fading away, his voice got a little deeper.  "Well
from what I know, we all must've been engulfed in the blast."

"Shit!  Anything else?"

"Yeah.  Will everyone please stop going for my nuts?  I probably can't have
any kids now!"

Zero went over to wake up his friends and one by one, everyone eventually
was awake and aware of their situation.  None were all too pleased.

Ryoko was whining again, "How could this happen?  I'm too young to die!"

"You're one to talk!  I'm too young and beautiful to die!"

"That's a laugh!"

Tenchi stepped in yet again, "Stop!  Not now!"

Chazo also decide to say something, "He's right.  Now's not the time to
quarrel.  Our main goal is to figure out how to get out of here."  He
extended his hand to Zero, "What do you say, call a temporary cease-fire?"

Zero slapped Chazo's hand away, "You think I'll call a truce with you?"

"Hey man what's your problem?"

"It's your fault we’re here.  No way I'm gonna be friends with you!"

   "We gotta get outa here somehow, it'd be easiier working together."

"Listen, you do it your way, we'll do it ours.  Guys, lets go."

"Where?" asked Chazo.

"What?"

"Where you gonna go? You know where everything is?  Yo know how to get
around?"

Zero looked down, he didn't know anything about death.

"See?  You do need me, because," he got a serious look, "I've died a couple
times."

Zero looked at him in a different light.  He had somewhat of a newfound
respect for him, but he still didn't like him all too much.  In his mind, he
felt that Chazo was responsible for their death.  Chazo felt the same way
about Zero, but for a different reason.  He thought Zero was way too big for
his britches.  Maybe Zero was stronger, but in his heart, Zero didn't
completely have the killer instinct that Chazo had.

Chazo got a cold look on his face, "Better watch it Zero, or next time I
take a little snack, I won't hesitate to take. . .,"he looked at Sasami,
"everything."

Zero's eyes blazed red, "If you touch her–" he stopped, threatening him
directly would be useless. So he thought of an idea, "If you touch her, I'll
take your most valued asset from you."

Chazo's eyes also blazed red like Zero's.  Something nobody noticed before.
 Why did their eyes blaze in the same way?  And why did they look so much
alike?  Questions to be answered later, right now the goal was to get these
two separated before shit went down and they all got hurt.

Mia grabbed Chazo and held him at bay.  "Hey babe, cool it!  Just chill out!
 You Raise a fist toward him, I'll take you down myself!"

Sasami also grabbed Zero, but didn't say anything to him.

Zero smirked a little, "Hey Chazo, do you always let your women control you?
 What is she your trainer?"

Mia walked over to Zero and slapped him dead in the face, HARD!

Zero just stood there, shocked that a woman had ever just straight out hit
him that hard before.  And he also had a painful red handprint on his cheek,
that stung like a muther-fucker!  All of a sudden a dark shadowy mist
enveloped him as his eyes glowed a deep red.

"You hit me!  You slut!  You live with 3 guys and probably fuck each and
every one of them. You couldn't beat D-Shade hand to hand, so like a true
bitch you relied on your figure to get you what you want.  And I'm sure that
your weakness doesn't end there.  You're pathetic and are only wanted
because you can cook."

After hearing this, Mia's eye's watered, and she just began to break down
and weep.  Chazo immediately forgot being angry at Zero.  The only thing on
his mind right now was Mia.  He ran up to her and hugged her tight as she
continued to cry into his arms.  Meanwhile, Zero's eye's went purple in
forgiveness, and the black cloud disappeared.  You could tell he was
incredibly sorry for what he had just done.  His friends began to back away
from him.  Even Sasami, the girl who loved him, backed away from what she
thought was a monster.  But he wanted so bad to apologize.

"Hey I'm–" Zero was so sorry, he began to choke on his own words.

Chazo's eye's glowed a deep, blood-red as he looked up at Zero.  He was
gonna kill this sonuvabitch!  Nobody, and that means NOBODY, ever hurt Mia
like this!

Chazo was so pissed that his voice began to crack, "You realize this means
you're going to die!"

Chazo handed Mia to Jeigo who tried to comfort her.  As he did, Chazo
powered up and went Super Saiyan, but it didn't end there.  Zero had to act
fast, because Chazo's hair was beginning to grow to a SS3's length.

Zero raised his hands and shouted, "NEURALIZER!"

Instantly, a blue bubble enveloped the entire group and then popped, leaving
even frozen in place.

Chazo began to feel confused, "What the hell?  Why am I a Super Saiyan all
of a sudden?"

Zero tried to hide his emotions and made up a lame excuse, "Uh, we had just
called a truce and we he getting ready to spar."

Chazo narrowed his eyes at Zero.  Zero began to fidget.  Did he do the move
incorrectly?

Chazo eyes rounded, "Ok.  I guess I just a few hard shots to the head and
just forgot."

Zero sighed in relief.  But now he actually had to spar with Chazo to keep
the fantasy believable.  Just as he was about to power up, one of King
Yama's blue servants came up to them.

"Uh, Mr. Tenchi Masaki?" he asked.

Tenchi spoke up, "Right here."

He handed Tenchi a card and a clipboard, "Sign here please."

As Tenchi signed the clipboard, the servant went up to Chazo.

"Mr. Chazo Grewishika?"

"Yeah?"

He handed him the same card as Tenchi.  As he got the clipboard back from
Tenchi he handed it to Chazo, "Sign here please."

As Chazo signed, the servant went up to Zero, "Um, Mr. Brian Sage?"

Everyone stared at Zero in fear.  It'd been so hard for him to tell his
first name, now this blue guy just called him by his last name.  But Zero
acted very nonchalant.

"Here."  The servant handed him the clipboard.  As Zero signed it, everyone
stared at him.

"Uh Zero?" asked Tenchi.

"What?"

"Uh, you never told us your last name before."

"Well, you never asked."

Tenchi fell over in exasperation.  Had things been going normal, he would've
kicked the shit out of anyone for saying his last name.  As the man left,
everyone was wondering what the cards said.  As Zero, Tenchi and Chazo,
lread their cards, Ryoko was giggling like a madman.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" asked Chazo.

"Grewishica!  Ha ha!  That's the funniest name I ever heard!"  But her
laughter was soon cut short at the sight of Chazo's red eyes.

"No one makes fun of my name.  How bout Ryoko?  Sound's like a guy's name!
 Or an ugly goulish monster."

Ryoko's mouth was open in a silent gasp.  Everyone felt sorry for Ryoko.
 But Ayeka was on her back laughing like a crazy person.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Finally someone else see's what I see!"

Chazo looked at her, "What the hell you laughing at?"

Ayeka stood back up, "Oh nothing."

"I thought so."

Zero cut off the bickering, "The card says, 'You and a group of 4 have been
invited to compete in a Martial Arts Tournament.  Grand Prize is mortality
for you and your group.  The tournament will begin in one year.  Be
prepared.  Singed: Grand Kai."

Chazo was shocked, "One year?"

Tenchi seemed curious, "Hmm, only 4 members per team?  Who are you gonna
take Chazo?"

Chazo looked up, "It's obvious isn't it?  My party is Mia, Jeigo, and Shou,"
he looked at Zero, "what about you?"

Zero replied, "My party's Grey Fox, Double S, and D-Shade."

Sasami looked dissapointed, "What about me?"

Zero looked a little embaressed.  He had forgotten about Sasami.  "Uh. . ."

Tenchi saved him, "Don't worry Zero, my party's Sasami, Ryoko, and Ayeka."

"Ok." said Sasami.  She was still a little miffed that Zero hadn't picked
her.

Zero was a little confused, "Uh, how do we get to wherever we have to go?"

Chazo thought for a moment, "If memory serves me right, one of those planes
over there."  He pointed to some jumbo jets outside.

Everyone was in awe.  And a little confused, what the hell were these planes
doing here?

"Hey Chazo," asked Zero, "What about those who aren't going to be in the
tournament?  Can they still go?"

"I think so.  But they remain in the stands at all times.  Any attempt to
interfere results in an automatic sentence to Hell."

Tenchi was curious,"Hey Chazo, How do you know about the tournament so
well?"

Chazo got an angry look on his face, "I was a finalist in the last
tournament.  And I would've won had it not been for this one jackass named
Goku!"

Zero's eyes widened in shock, "Goku??  He's here?"

"Friend of yours?"

"He was my sensei.  Greatest fighter I ever knew!"

Chazo's eyes went red, "Goku is the reason I didn't win the last tournament.
 Had it not been for him, I wouldn't have had to challenge the Grand Kai."

"What happened when you did that?" asked Ryoko.

"He declared that for my insolence, I would have to face 5 fighters in a
gauntlet match.  If I lost, I would've been sent to hell for all eternity."

"And you won right?"

"Wrong."

Everyone looked at him differently.  Maybe he was a lot smarter than he
looked.

"I lost in the final round, to the other man I vowed to defeat later in
life, Gohan.  And what made it worse, he was one of Goku's sons."

Shou chuckled, "Guess you just got your ass whipped by Goku's whole fucking
family."

Chazo calmly walked over to Shou, and kicked him squarely in the balls.
 Shou, overcome with pain, fell to the ground, cupping his genitals and
crying in pain.

"Say something like that again, and I'll cut 'em off!  Anyways, we better
get on the plane.  Hey you," pointing to Grey Fox, "help Jeigo carry him on
the plane."

Grey Fox grabbed his ankles while Jeigo grabbed Shou's hands.  Shou, by this
time, was unconscious from all the ball beatings.  Chazo showed their cards
to the stewardess as the other climed aboard.  The interior of the airplane
was very luxurious.  Double S beamed Happily and pointed at something.

"Lookie lookie!  They got a fridge!"

However when he ran over to open it, he found that it was empty.  He slunk
dejectedly to a seat where he began to sulk.  "I guess this is one of those
fridges where you bring your own damn food."

Chazo chuckled, "Don't worry, just be patient.  The fridge doesn't fill up
until the plane takes off."

Zero tried to open a door, but found that it was locked.  "Hey Chazo,
where's this door lead to?"

"That's another perk about being invited.  That leads into a training room
for those who have been invited twice."

"But who here has been invited twice?"

Everyone shook their head in disgust.  Then they pointed to Chazo.

"Oh yeah."

Chazo got up from his seat, "Let me open this up for you Zero."

Zero looked at Sasami, "Care to join me babe?"

Sasami got a sexy look in her eyes, "Oh you know it."

Chazo waved his hands, "Uh uh, no way!  No sex allowed in the training room,
otherwise you're disqualified from the tournament."

Zero looked disappointed, "Well, want to come in anyways?"

"Sure, why not?"

As they went into the training room, Chazo went back into the lounge to just
kick back and take a small snooze before they got there.  When he woke up,
they were about halfway there.  Everyone was sleeping, D-Shade and Jeigo
both had snot bubbles coming out of their noses.  He went over to the fridge
and grabbed three sodas and decided to take some to Zero and Tenchi, who
were sword fighting in the training room.  He thought to himself,
swordfighting?  He hadn't figured Zero to be a sword fighter.  As he went
into the room he saw Tenchi was using a sword similar to Zero's.

Just as he walked a few steps in, the flat ends of the swords, right in the
head, struck him HARD!

Chazo rambled incoherently, "Yahtzee!  You're welcome."  And with that he
fell to the ground, his butt sticking up in the air.  When he woke up, he
found that he was lying on a couch, with Sasami putting a cold washcloth on
his head.

"What the hell happened?"

"Shh.  Just lay back, relax.  You've been through a lot latley."

"Look, I make it a point not to have fun with somebody else's girlfriend."

A few seconds later, he had a deep red handprint on his cheek.  That woke
his ass up.  "Sorry.  I had that comin'."

Sasami still seemed a little exasperated, but a little more relaxed.  "Well,
it's ok.  But Zero would've killed you if he heard that."

"Zero's a lucky guy to have you.  Probably the same way I feel about Mia.
 She's first, my last, my everything."

"Yeah, I guess."  Sasami suddenly got a confused look, "Isn't that from a
Barry White song?"

Chazo looked a little embarresed, "Oh look, here's Zero."

When she looked over, Zero wasn't there.  When she turned back, Chazo had
gone and went over to Mia.  Sasami seemed somewhat disturbed that he hadn't
even found her attractive, since everybody else did.

When Zero did come out of the training room, he seemed glad that Chazo was
ok.  "Hey man how's your–"

Grey Fox stopped him, "Uh uh, I got in trouble before for saying that."

Chazo got up, "I think my head's ok."

Everyone stopped for a while, then bust out laughing.  Chazo's eyes and
cheeks went with cheeks went pink with embaressment.  He slunk into a corner
of the room and sat there for the remainder of the trip.  When they finally
arrived, they almost didn't notice it because the landing was so soft.
 Chazo was the last one to climb out of the plane, trying to hide from
everyone else.  As they walked out, Chazo took a deep breath and got his
courage back.

"Pretty impressive isn't it?" asked Chazo.

Indeed it was, everywhere they looked there were fighters.  Some were
sparring, some talking, some laughing.  It was a warrior's dream, come true.

"Well," said Chazo, "let me introduce you to some friends."

He walked over to a blonde man wearing a Viking-style hat.  "Hey Olive,
how's it going?"

Olive turned around, "Oh quite well actually.  How long has it been?  5
years?"

Chazo smiled, "Must have felt like nothing to you.  I'd like you to meet
some friends of mine.  This is Shou, my brother Jeigo, and the love of my
life, Mia."

Mia smiled and blushed a little.

Olive took Mia's hand and kissed it.  "It's a major pleasure to meet you."

"And this guy," he pointed to Zero, "is Brian."

Zero flushed a little, "Don't call me Brian!  Not even my friends do!"

"Soooooorrrrrrrrryyyyy!  Ok, this is Zero.  Well Zero, go ahead and
introduce yourself."

Zero waved, "My name is Zero, this is my group, Double S, D-Shade, and Grey
Fox."

"And who are the others?"

Tenchi answered, "I'm Tenchi.  This is Sasami, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Ryoko, and
Ayesha."

"A pleasure to meet you all."

All of a sudden, Chazo got a mean look in his eyes as he spotted a certain
someone that he was looking for.  "I'll be back.  There's someone I need to
speak with."

As Chazo walked away, Zero noticed who he was talking about.

"Well, it's been a while." said Chazo.

"Hey Chazo, long time no see!" said the stranger.  He held out his hand.

Chazo ignored it, "I was hoping I wouldn't die for a long time.  It's been
too soon."

"Hey I'm sorry about our last battle.  It was a total fluke I swear."

Chazo smiled a little, "No, it wasn't.  But don't worry, I got a new trick
up my sleeve."

From the distance another man called out, "Hey dad!"

The stranger turned his head, "Hey Gohan, look who's here."

Gohan looked at Chazo, and got a cold look.  "Guess you were too weak and
got killed again."

Chazo's eyes turned red, "Watch it, or I won't hesitate to kick your ass
harder this time!"

"Shove it."

"WHAT WAS THAT??"

Chaso burst into Super Saiyan mode, followed closely by Gohan.  Goku backed
off a little.  Gohan smiled, before he went all the way to SS3.  Chazo
grunted and pushed himself to SS2.  He tried as hard as he can, and to his
own amazment, he went to SS3 also.  Chazo was amazed, that seemed way too
easy.

Gohan was greatly impressed.  "Well, you've gotten stronger.  I have to give
you that."  He then powered down to his normal form.  "I'm looking forward
to facing you agan."

"As am I."  He powered down also.

Zero walked up, "Goku?"

"Zero?  Oh my god!"

They gave each other a short embrace.  When they let go, Zero eyes, were in
a light blue.  He only felt like this whenever he'd see Sasami after coming
back from a long trip.

"Goku how long has it been?"

"Over 100 years.  I was wondering why you haven't died yet."

"I can explain that." said Chazo.

"I'm sure you can, but I'm not asking you."

Zero answered, "Well, our stupid friend Washuu built a time machine and when
she tried to send us into the past, it fucked up and sent us into the
future."

Gohan looked at Chazo, "And how did you die?"

"Well, we went to go check these people out, and we got into a fight.  We
had a tournament, and we were the last ones left.  So when we got locked in
a power struggle, it overloaded, and we were all killed."

"Hey Sasami, " he turned to Goku, "there's someone I want you to meet."

Sasami walked up.  Zero took her hand, "this is my girlfriend, Sasami."

Goku seemed happy, "Wow Zero!  Congratulations!"  Goku kissed Sasami's hand.
 "She's pretty."

Although Zero was still happy, he said, "Remember Goku, you're married."

"Oh shut up."

Zero said, "Man, Goku, it's sure good to see you."

All of a sudden, a large horn sounded.  Everyone fell silent as the Grand
Kai entered the courtyard.  HE was clad in his traditional robes and hat.
 As he made his way to the front of the courtyard, he spoke in a
surfer-style voice.

"Welcome to my planet.  As you probably guessed, the Afterlife Martial Arts
Tournament will begin in one year.  So I hope you all train for the event as
hard as you can.  Because we have a special prize up for grabs this time.
 Mortality, for you and a party of three.  So choose your friends and allies
well.  And as an added bonus, I've installed many new hyperbolic
time-chambers.  So any of you who feel that they need a lot more training,
may use the chambers after consulting your regional Kai.  Fight hard, think
deep.  Good luck!"

After he was finished, everyone got back to their training.  But the Grand
Kai walked over to Chazo and the gang.  While Goku, Gohan, and Olive bowed,
Zero and Chazo stood firm.  The Grand Kai didn't seem too miffed though.

"Well Chazo," he said, "hope we don't have another repeat of what happened
last time.  You really embaressed me then."

"Sorry.  But if I lose, I'll take the gauntlet again."

The Grand Kai shook his head.  He looked at Zero, "Ah a rookie!  Welcome.
 Hope these guys don't hurt you too bad."

"Don't worry about it.  I feel pretty confident."

"Well, good luck anyways."  And with that, he turned away.

Sasami ran up to him, "Excuse me sir."

"Yes?"

You said if we wanted to use the hyperbolic chambers, we had to consult our
regional Kai's."

"Yes?"

"I was wondering, who are our regional Kai's?"

"Hmm.  Where were you born?"

"Jurai, same as my sister Ayeka."

"Oh Jurai!  Nice planet.  Your Kai is," he thought for a moment," I believe
it's the West Kai."

"But I live on Earth now."

"Oh, well then it's the North Kai."

"Thank you."

"Anytime."  With that, he walked back to his palace.

Tenchi was fascinated by this place.  "Wow this place is amazing."

Ryoko was still curious, "So which Kai do I belong to?"

Chazo thought, "Well where have you spent most of your life?"

"Near the planet Jurai."

"Well then you're fighting for the West Kai."

"But I live on Earth too."

"OK, like I told her, if you live on Earth, your regional Kai is the North."

"Ok thanks."

Goku turned toward Zero, "Oh that's right.  This is your first time, so you
never met King Kai.  Follow me."

Goku led them to a small pavilian where there where three squat, little
people wearing robes like the Grand Kai.  They were sitting around talking
about who has a better shot at the tournament.  Chazo walked up to North Kai
and bowed.

"It's good to see you again King Kai."

"What are you doing back?  I thought you became the strongest fighter on
Earth."

"I did," he looked at Zero, "but someone proved to me otherwise."

Zero was taken aback by the remark.  Even if it was left-handed, it was the
first compliment that Chazo ever gave him.

North Kai looked past Chazo at the others.  "Who are they?  I haven't seen
them before."

"Couple of rookies.  Need someone to show them the ropes.  I said my piece."

"Well, what planet are they from?"

Chazo grinned, "That's the best part.  They are all extremely strong, and. .
. they're all from Earth."

King Kai jumped with joy.  "Whoopie!  I haven't had a good fighter from
Earth since Olive and Goku."

Gohan cleared his throat to make himself noticed.

"Oh yes, and Gohan."

North Kai gave his small introductory speech, which sounded amazingly
similar to the Grand Kai's.  ". . . and, if you want, I can train you before
the tournament."

Zero began to say, "Well that's ok, we already–" but was cut short when
Goku elbowed him in his side.  "Sure we'd be happy to train under you."

"Good.  Then let's get started."

He led them to one of the few small fields that was empty.  "First thing I
ask of all my trainees, you have to make me laugh with a joke."

Everyone fell over with exasperation except those who had already gone
through this.  First up was Ayeka.

"Um, ok." She blushed, she didn't know that many jokes.  Then she thought of
a semi-dirty one, "Ok.  Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Oliver."

"Oliver who?"

"Oliver Clothesoff."

North Kai burst out laughing, and soon had tears running down his eyes.
 "Oh, ho ho ho ho ho.  I have to remember that one."

Next up to the plate was Ryoko.  She thought she had this one in the bag,
since she'd been to so many places.  "How many Jurians does it take to milk
a cow?"

"I don't know, how many?"

"Twenty-one.  One to hold the udder, the other twenty to lift the cow up and
down, up and down, up and down."  She stopped because she had made herself
fall to the ground laughing her head off.  However, Ayeka was fuming.

When Ryoko stopped laughing, she noticed that North Kai, hadn't laughed at
all.  "Nope.  Next?"

Tenchi came up, "A couple were walking down a street, when they came to a
crosswalk where Officer Ed was directing traffic.  When they stopped at the
curb, Officer Ed turned to them and said, 'I suppose you want me to stop
traffic so that you and you ugly wife can cross."  The man smiled, 'My it's
a wonderful day today.'  'It's going to rain stupid!'  'But there's not a
cloud in the sky.'  'It's going to rain!  Boy, are you people stupid.'
 After the couple crossed, his wife turned to her husband, 'He sure was
rude.'  Then it began to pour rain.  The man turned to his wife, 'Yes but he
knows rain dear.'"

"Uh huh?"

Tenchi got a little nervous, "But the couple were songwriters and they made
a song about the incident and became millionaires.  Oh come on you know the
song!"

"No."

"Rude Officer Ed Knows Rain, Dear."  He began to sing it in the tune of the
popular Christmas carol.

North Kai bust out laughing harder than before.  Soon he was rolling on the
ground holding his stomach.  It was Sasami's turn now.

"Um," she tried a joke similar to Ryoko's, "how many cockroaches does it
take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"I dunno."

"Neither do I.  As soon as the light goes on, they scatter!"

Although it didn't make much sense, King Kai was laughing like a madman.
 Now it was on to the harder groups, Zero's and Chazo's.  First up for Zero
was Double S.

Surprisingly, he didn't think that long, "How do you keep a fish from
smelling?"

"How?"

"Cut off his nose."

North Kai chuckled and let him pass.  Next up was D-Shade.

"Um, ok.  Ok ok I got a good one.  No that won't work.  Ok how bout. . .no
that won't work either.  Maybe. . .no.  Ok here's one. . .no that's not it."

Everyone shouted, "JUST SAY A FUCKING JOKE ASS!!!!"

"Ok,a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Hey why the long
face?"

Luckily, it arose a small chuckle, which let him pass.  Next up was Grey
Fox.

Grey Fox was confident, "Ask me what's the most important thing about being
a comedian."

"What's the most important thing–"

"Timing."

North Kai was on his knees trying to catch his breath, that joke was so
funny to him.  Now it was Shou's turn.

This was hard for Shou, considering he had little or no sense of humor at
all.  But he thought of one.  "What do you call a Mexican family going on a
picnic?"

"No idea."

"A 'spicknick'."

King Kai was laughing a little at that one.  But Chazo came up behind Shou
and slapped him on the back of the head.  "Don't be racist, you dick."

"Sorry." Said Shou, rubbing the back of his head.  Next up was Jeigo.

Jeigo used to be a comedian, so he knew he was gonna do it.  He signaled for
Chazo to come over.  "Hey," he whispered, "can I tell my E.T. joke?"

"Go ahead."

Jeigo turned back, "What do you call E.T.  crossing the Mexican border into
the U.S.?"

"What?"

"An illegal alien."

North Kai smiled, but didn't laugh too much.  Now it was Mia's turn.

"Ok, knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Madame."

"Madame who?"

"Madame foot's caught in the door!"

Next up was Zero.  This was hard for him.

"K, um.  Here's a Momma joke.  Your momma is so dumb, she went to an NC-17
movie, she went back home and got 16 of her friends."

North Kai was laughing like crazy at that joke.  It was Ryoko's turn again.
 But try as she might, she still couldn't get him to laugh.  Then the
thought hit her 20 minutes later, maybe he doesn't like women telling ethnic
jokes.  Finally she thought of a joke.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Orange you glad to see me?"

Kai finally let out a smile.  Ryoko was in.

END PART TWO

Next time:

   Everyone is preparing for the Afterlife Martial Arts Tournament and some
sparks fly between Gohan and Chazo.  But on the day of the Grand Kai's
birth, a huge celebration takes place.  And something strange, will Chazo
reveal a love for "old timey" country music?  Find out next time on Tenchi
Ball Z!