Ranma Muyo! episode 7 title: Happosai vs. Yosho Kabuki and the Clash of the Masters (Akane is sitting in Washuu's lab. Washuu is pacing in front of Akane.) Akane: So can you help me? Washuu: You have an interesting problem. You say you don't recall the other day's events at all? Akane: Nothing out of the ordinary. Washuu: Hmm...so you don't remember this? (Professor Washuu whips out a pen-laser pointer and directs its beam to a slide show she has prepared. The lights go dim. On the slide show screen is an image of Akane, her battle aura glowing bright red.) Washuu: It would appear that you were somewhat upset at Ranma. (The next image is that of Akane punching Ranma.) Washuu: You proceeded to release your anger. (Akane blinks. The next image: Akane crying.) Washuu: Then you had a little mood swing. (The next image is of Akane fainting.) Washuu: And then you lost consciousness for the following 24 hours or so. (The lights come back on. The slide show screen freezes on an image of Ranma smiling, and forming a peace sign with his hand -- an image completely unrelated to everything. Washuu puts her pen-laser away. Akane sits up attentively.) Washuu: Well? Akane: Uh... Washuu: Hmm, that didn't seem to do much good. Let's try something else. (Washuu rummages through a bag.) Akane: Did all that really happen? Washuu: It certainly did. It's my guess that the release of such energy, which caused you to faint, was so devastating to your system that it had to counter the effects by suppressing every memory of the event. (Washuu pulls out a small hammer, the type used for testing reflexes, and walks toward Akane.) Washuu: Now hold still. Akane: O-Okay. (Washuu taps the hammer lightly on the cerebral center of Akane's forehead. A lightning bolt comes out of nowhere and strikes Akane on the head, knocking her to the floor. She stands up immediatly, with her hair lightly charred and frazzled, furious.) Washuu: Success! Akane: RANMA!! (Outside the Masaki home, Ranma-chan is sitting quietly next to Panda-type Genma, enjoying a snack. Tenchi comes running toward Ranma-chan, unnoticed, waving his arm. Panda conveniently leaves.) Ranma-chan: Where ya goin,' old man? Panda: (sign) Good luck! Ranma-chan: Huh? Tenchi: Hello again! Ranma-chan: Oh. Hi, Tenchi. Tenchi: Wow, you know my name. I thought for a while that maybe, well, you know. But I'm so happy now. Ranma-chan: Whoopee. (Ranma-chan gets up and tries to walk away, but Tenchi continues behind her until she stops.) Ranma-chan: There something you want? Tenchi: Oh, well, uh...I was, uh... Ranma-chan: I didn't think so. (Ranma-chan starts walking a bit faster, but Tenchi matches the pace.) Ranma-chan: You stop following me! Tenchi: I wondered if maybe you'd like to go to a movie with me, or something. Ranma-chan: No. Tenchi: Well, then how about -- Ranma-chan: No! Tenchi: Then maybe -- Ranma-chan: I said no. I meant no. Exactly what part of "no" don't you understand!? (Ayeka comes running up behind Tenchi.) Ayeka: Oh, Tenchi, have you seen Ranma? I've been looking all over for him. (Tenchi turns to answer Ayeka as Ranma-chan tip-toes away, only to land in the loving grasp of Kuno.) Kuno: Fair one! Ranma-chan: AHH! Get offa me! (Mihoshi comes racing toward Kuno and hugs him as he's hugging Ranma-chan.) Kuno: AHH! Get off of me! Ranma-chan: Gladly! (Ranma-chan strikes Kuno and leaves him to the mercy of Mihoshi.) Kuno: I did not mean you, my pig-tailed goddess! Mihoshi: "Pig-tailed goddess?" (Mihoshi breaks into tears. Kuno, feeling no remorse, chases after Ranma-chan again. A hand reaches from the bushes and pulls Ranma-chan in. Kuno continues running into the forest, followed by Mihoshi and Tenchi.) Akane: Ranma. Ranma-chan: Oh, Akane, it's you! Thank goodness. You know, I was getting real worried -- Akane: I am going to kill you, Ranma. Ranma-chan: And just when you were getting cute, too. C'mon, Akane, what'd I do now? Akane: You are in no position to be asking me questions. Ranma-chan: Quit it, Akane, you're freakin' me out. (Akane pulls a hot kettle from behind her back and dangles it teasingly in front of Ranma-chan.) Ranma-chan: Hey, gimme that! Akane: Follow me. (Akane leads Ranma-chan deeper into the woods, and all that is heard are the BAMS, POWS, and THUMPS of someone being beat up. Akane brushes her hands off and pours the boiling contents of the kettle onto a pummeled Ranma-chan.) Akane: It serves you right. (As Akane is walking out of the woods she bumps into Ayeka.) Ayeka: Akane, have you seen Ranma? Akane: Sure. He's in the woods...meditating. Ayeka: Thank you! (Ayeka runs off. Akane looks toward the lake and sees Yosho and Happosai exchanging words.) Happosai: And furthermore, as the founding master of Anything-Goes Martial Arts, I would be far more qualified to teach Tenchi the ways of a true martial artist. Yosho: You make me laugh, little man. Your insignificant style cannot hope to compare to Jurai's swordplay. Happosai: Of course it cannot compare to Jurai's swordplay. Anything- Goes Martial Arts is so much better! Yosho: Under my wing, Ranma could easily become as skilled as Tenchi. Happosai: Big deal. (Akane walks over and interrupts.) Akane: Pardon me, but I think I have an idea that could resolve this. Happosai: Oh, dear Akane! Speak to me! Yosho: Go ahead, young lady. Akane: It seems the most logical way to prove who is a better teacher would be to have the students compete in battle. Then may the best pupil win. Happosai: How sweet! You want me to win, Akane! Yosho: That's not a bad idea. I'm so glad you favor my side. Akane's voice: This will put Ranma in his place. Tenchi will win easily. Happosai: Oh, Akane! (Happosai lunges for Akane's busom. Akane swats him into the air, toward the trees. Happosai descends into the bushes.) Ranma: Ouch! (Ranma comes walking, several large bumps on his head, out of the woods carrying Happosai in one hand.) Ranma: Did someone lose an old pervert, or is it just raining freaks? Happosai: HaHA! Yosho, I have my student. Where is yours? Or does he forfeit? Ranma: What're you talking about, lech? Happosai: Ranma! You have the honor of upholding your master's dignity! Ranma: What dignity? (Ranma drop-kicks Happosai who lands in front of Yosho. Tenchi comes out of the woods, followed by Kuno and Mihoshi.) Tenchi: Hey, Gramps, have you seen the girl with the pig-tail? She was just here. Ranma's voice: Ooh...why I oughta... Mihoshi: "Pig-tailed goddes?" Kuno: Leave me alone, woman! Happosai: Now's your chance, boy! Do it for the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts. Do it for your master! Yosho: Tenchi, the time has come for you to defend the honor of the Jurai royal family and prove yourself in battle. You must combat Ranma! Tenchi: Yes, Grandfather. Akane's voice: Sorry, Ranma, but you deserve this. (Panda comes from nowhere, standing next to Akane. Nobuyuki is standing next to Panda, tape recording the events. Soun is standing next to Nobuyuki, crying.) Panda: (sign) Do your father proud! Nobuyuki: As Tenchi's father, it is my responsibility to record my son's progress in life. Soun: Why must the two men my daughter loves fight!? (Soun is tearing his hair out. Akane looks at him, disgusted.) Tenchi: Very well, Ranma. Prepare yourself. Ranma: I'm ready when you are. Akane: Ready...set...FIGHT! (Ranma lunges at Tenchi with a low kick aimed at the groin. Tenchi jumps over Ranma's head and tries to hit him with a roundhouse kick. Ranma ducks and goes for a sweep. Tenchi jumps back, dodges, and comes back with a right cross. Ranma perries, stomps Tenchi's foot, and elbows him in the stomach. He jumps back and Tenchi straightens up.) Happosai: That's it, Ranma, m'boy! Panda: (sign) Stop taking it easy on him! Soun: Saotome, how can you encourage this? (Panda puts his sign away and starts munching bamboo.) Yosho: Stop clowning around, Tenchi! Tenchi: But, Grandpa! Ranma: Had enough yet? (Tenchi pulls out Tenchi, his sword which he was conveniently named after, and summons the Light Sword.) Ranma: Not that again! Happosai: Hey, who said anything about weapons? Yosho: No one, therefore they're legal. Heh, heh. Akane: Oh, honestly. (Tenchi charges and thrusts with his sword. Ranma side-steps and allows Tenchi to stab a tree. The Light Sword fizzles and flickers out. Tenchi spins around, reactivates the sword, and swings it at Ranma. Ranma ducks and uses the chestnut fist on Tenchi's ribs.) Ranma: Kachu tenshin amaguri-ken! (The strike doesn't seem to phase Tenchi, and Tenchi back-hands Ranma who goes flying face-first into the dirt. Ranma pulls his head out of the sand and spits some out.) Happosai: Impressive. His strength rivals Akane's. Akane: What!? (Yosho is busy waving victory hand fans with red circles on them. Panda runs away.) Yosho: Go, Tenchi! (Tenchi charges Ranma again and launches a right roundhouse kick, followed by a sword slash, which Ranma dodges. Tenchi throws a left punch towards Ranma and hits him in the chest, causing Ranma to lose his balance and fall on his butt. Tenchi takes the opportunity to place his sword at Ranma's throat. Panda returns holding Shampoo in Cat-type. He launches the feline at Ranma. Tenchi, caught by surprise, jumps back, and Cat hugs Ranma.) Ranma: AHH!! Get it offa me!! AHH!! AHH!! (Ranma runs around in circles and finally regresses to Cat-Fu.) Ranma: Meow...pfft! Hiss...spppttt! Tenchi: What the -- !? (Ranma pounces Tenchi, strikes him with the Cat Fist, and sends him flying into Happosai who breaks his fall nicely. Content with his handi- work, Ranma jumps into Akane's lap. Akane slaps him back to reality.) Ranma: Ow! Hey, stupid tomboy! (Tenchi comes up behind Ranma while he's arguing with Akane and with a quick kick sends him into the lake. Ranma-chan emerges. Tenchi blinks, rubs his eyes, and blinks a few more times in shock. He is cross.) Tenchi: Pig...tailed...girl? ARGH! Now I'm mad! (Tenchi activates the Ten Wings of the Light Hawk. Just as Ranma- chan leaps out of the lake to confront him, a flash of light blinds them momentarily, and is followed by an explosion in the lake. Another takes place behind Yosho and a recovering Happosai.) Akane: What was that!? Panda: (sign) Fight fair, boy! Ranma-chan: It wasn't me! Tenchi: Grandpa, what's happening!? (Another blast occurs behind Akane this time, catapulting her into the air.) Ranma-chan/Tenchi: Akane! (Ryoko materializes, catching Akane. Noticing that she is safe, she drops her on the ground to avoid falling over from the weight. Mousse comes running.) Akane: Ouch! Mousse: Shampoo! (Mousse picks up Akane and carries her back to the house.) Mousse: Don't worry, Shampoo. Your wounds are minor! Akane: Put me down! (From the distance a space ship appears and lands. From it emerges a pint-sized child, wearing a pretty, traditional kimono, and holding a pair of hand fans.) Kabuki: (in a deep, manly voice) I am Kabuki. You killed my brother. Prepare to die! ATTACK! (Approximately fifty goons come charging from Kabuki's ship, led by the squirt, him/herself.) Yosho: Prepare to receive borders! (From Kabuki's hand fans appear several razor blades.) Ranma-chan: I've got this one! You're in for it now, little girl. Kabuki: "Girl?" "Girl!?" Who are you calling a "girl!?" (Kabuki charges.) Kabuki: Razor fan slice! (Hundreds of razor blades fly at Ranma-chan, stripping her clothing just to the point of indecency.) Ranma-chan: Why, you -- that was my favorite shirt! (Ranma-chan lunges at Kabuki with the chestnut fist. In the back- ground, Yosho, Happosai, Soun, Panda, Cat, Ryoko, Kuno, Mishoshi, and Tenchi are beating off the goons.) Ranma-chan: Kachu tenshin amaguri-ken! (With a single punch, which surprises Ranma-chan, Kabuki is thrown to the ground, rolling in pain.) Kabuki: Owie...you hit me! Ranma-chan: Well, duh. (Kabuki impels another razor attack, this time cutting Ranma-chan, herself, multiple times. Ranma-chan stumbles back in pain.) Happosai: Oh, lovely Ranma-chan, I'll save you! Kabuki: Silky storm! (Dozens of ladies' unmentionables hurricane past Happosai. Happosai instinctively follows it and is caught up in the hurricane, which carries him away.) Tenchi: Enough! (Tenchi executes the Ten Wings of the Light Hawk as a pulse blast at Kabuki. Kabuki reflects it with his/her fans and blows up the stairs to the Masaki Shrine. Seeing that he/she's met his/her match, Kabuki retreats toward his/her ship.) Kabuki: RETREAT! Vengeance will be mine, make no mistake about that -- I will return, and my brother shall be avenged! (Kabuki and his/her goons make it back aboard their ship and take off rapidly. Ranma-chan sticks her tongue out and peels down her lower eyelid at them as they flee.) Ranma-chan: Serves them right for marring this perfect complexion. Kuno: Ah, pig-tailed goddess, I will tend your wounds! Mihoshi: "Pig-tailed goddess?" Again? Akane: Kabuki? I wonder who his brother is. Tenchi: Three to one Washuu can tell us everything. (Fade to black on Ranma-chan beating off Kuno.) END.