Ranma Muyo! episode 1 title: Ryoga's Crummy Map Where on Earth Does He Find These Things!? (Ryoga walks down an empty street; his thoughts are heard.) Ryoga's voice: Oh, Akane, even while I trained in the lowly mountains of Japan... (Still-screen image of Ryoga lost in a forest.) Ryoga's voice: Even while I battled a ferocious bear... (Still-screen image of Ryoga hitting a bear with his umbrella.) Ryoga's voice: And even while I risked life and limb against a wild bore... (Still-screen image of Ryoga hitting Upper-classman Kuno with his umbrella.) (Kuno's voice: Ow.) Ryoga: I thought of nothing but you! Akane, the next time we meet I will be a whole man. (A hand snatches a paper from Ryoga's grasp.) Ryoga: Huh? Ranma: And what's this? Ryoga: Give that back! Ranma: Another stupid map, huh? What's this one for? Ryoga: That's none of your business. Now give it back! (Ryoga lunges at Ranma. Ranma halts Ryoga with foot against Ryoga's forehead.) Ranma: (reading) "Gyaku-nichuan"...a reversal spring? You mean...? (Ranma dances away from Ryoga and sings.) Ranma: Never-gonna-be-a-guhrl-again! Never-gonna-be-a-guhrl-again! Never-gonna-be-a -- Ryoga: It's in China. You'll never get there. (Ranma stops dead in his tracks and the world goes gray. Old lady throws water into the street which hits Ryoga and Ranma. Ranma-chan picks up P-chan and walks slowly home. Story resumes in Tendo living room. Akane holds a wickedly grinning P-chan. Soun is crying profusely with happiness and pouring hot water on Ranma-chan.) Genma: You've done it, boy. You've found a way to turn us back into real men forever! (Shampoo, Ukyou, Cologne, Happosai, and Mousse stick their heads in from the Tendo's backyard doorway.) Together: You have!? (They proceed to make themselves comfortable around the living room.) Ranma: How do you propose we get back to China's Jusenkyo, old man? (Soun is crying profusely from sadness.) Nabiki: For the trivial sum of only 10000 yen I could tell you a way. Akane: Do you honestly think anyone here is going to pay you that kind of money? (Genma, Mousse, and Shampoo quickly shove 10000 yen each in front of Nabiki's face. Nabiki takes the money with a smile and walks out the room to the telephone. Everyone sits in silence and listens to Nabiki's voice in the background.) Nabiki: Hello, Kuno-baby? You know, Akane and your pig-tailed girl are here and would really like to see you. Ranma and Akane: WHAT!? (P-chan wanders upstairs toward the bathroom, and the doorbell rings.) Kasumi: I wonder who that could be. (Kasumi goes to get the door while Nabiki dumps a bucket of cold water over Ranma's head. Ranma-chan and Akane crawl away, unnoticed. Kasumi returns followed by a mysterious shape. She moves aside.) Kasumi: Ranma, look! It's your little friend, Tatewaki Kuno. (Kuno stands happily holding two bouquets of flowers.) Kuno: Whither Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl? (Genma and Soun drag an unwilling Ranma-chan and Akane from the hall.) Genma and Soun: They're right here! (Kuno leaps at Akane and Ranma-chan. Akane slugs Kuno and Ranma-chan simultaneously kicks him.) Ranma-chan: Why does this always happen to me? Akane: Oh, brother. (Ryoga enters.) Ryoga: You keep your hands off Akane. Akane: Ry-Ryoga. Ryoga: I will not stand here and allow you to place your unworthy hands upon her. Kuno: Oh, you. The path of true love is seldom denied, ignorant wretch. Ranma-chan: (with large, shimmering eyes) Oh, Kuno, darling! It would make me so happy if you would do me the eensiest-teensiest favor! Kuno: Name it and it shall be yours, my beloved! Ranma-chan: Take me to China. Kuno: Ch-China? Everyone but Kuno: China. Kuno: Oh, pig-tailed girl! I'm so elated! Just you, me, Akane, and China! Genma: How kind of you to invite their families along. (Soun is nodding vigorously.) Ukyou: Ranma-honey, you wouldn't leave me behind, would you? Shampoo: No, Ranma take me, not stupid okinomiyaki girl! (Shampoo's and Ukyou's batlle auras glow as they stare villainously at each other. Akane rests her head in her hand, exasperated.) Cologne: Shampoo and I would be delighted to accompany you back to our homeland. Mousse: My darling Shampoo, I would follow you to the ends of the earth! Shampoo: Stu-pid Mousse, you no could follow train of thought if wanted to. Mousse: Shampoo! (Mousse hugs Kuno.) Mousse: You spoke to me! Ryoga: That's Kuno. (Kuno strikes Mousse over the head with his katana and Mousse falls unconscious to the ground. Shampoo drags Mousse out the door to take him home. Ukyou waves good-bye and leaves to pack her bags. Ryoga leans against a wall and crosses his arms. Ranma-chan leaves to go to the kitchen and returns with a bag of potato chips which she stuffs herself with.) Kuno: How fortuitous it is that my Lady Bin Sense II has just recently completed construction. Nabiki: Now doesn't this bring back fond memories? Akane: I'm so filled with reassurance all of a sudden. Ryoga: Don't worry, Akane, I'll protect you! Allow me to be your bodyguard! Akane: O-Okay. Ranma-chan: Oh, puh-lease. That pig can't handle a compass. What makes you think he'd be any more use to you? Ryoga: You shut up! Akane: Watch who you call a pig, you slob. Just look at you! (The surrounding group watches the exchange like a tennis match.) Ranma-chan: Well, I don't need to diet like someone here I could name... Akane: What did you say? Ranma-chan: You heard me. Your thighs are too thick... Akane: What? Ranma-chan: You're built like a stick... Akane: WHAT!? Ranma-chan: You're dumb as a brick... Akane: That's it... Ranma-chan: Your face makes me sick... (Akane picks up the table.) Ranma-chan: You can't even kick... (Akane's anger is apparent. Genma, Soun, Nabiki, Kasumi, Happosai, Cologne, Ryoga, and Kuno all back away swiftly.) Ranma-chan: You talk like a -- (Akane cudgels Ranma-chan with the table.) Kasumi: Oh, my. Kuno: Pig-tailed girl! (Kuno rushes to Ranma-chan's aid. Genma, Nabiki, Happosai, Cologne, and Ryoga clap unenthusiasticly. The group gathers back in a circle. Kuno is seen in the background attempting to lift the table off of Ranma-chan.) Cologne: So what method has been determined to return my Shampoo back to normal? Ryoga: There's a reversal spring back in a Jusenkyo cave called the Gyaku-nichuan. I found a map that will lead us to it! Happosai: Just where did you obtain such a map? Ryoga: I found it while I was, uh...sightseeing. Akane: Ryoga, I had no idea you cared so much for Ranma. (Ryoga laughs innocently.) Kuno: Oh, my pig-tailed goddess! (Ranma-chan gets back on her feet.) Ranma-chan: My head hurts. Stupid tomboy, what'd you do that for? (Akane sticks her tongue out at Ranma-chan and pulls down her lower eyelid with her finger. Ranma-chan returns the gesture and looks down at Kuno who is pining at her feet.) Nabiki: Kuno-baby, you are so pathetic. Kuno: Be silent, woman! Kasumi: Akane, why don't you take Ranma to Dr. Tofu? (Genma and Soun peel Kuno off of Ranma-chan and restrain him on the floor.) Akane: Why doesn't someone else take him? Genma: Kuno and we must stay here to discuss the details of our expedite. Soun: Akane, as Ranma's fiancee it is your duty to make sure he's alright. Akane: Alright, fine, we're going. (Akane grabs Ranma-chan by the wrist and pulls her out the door. There is a long pause. Akane is walking ahead of Ranma-chan, looking indignant. Ranma-chan is following, staring into space; a large bump is on her head.) Akane: This is all your fault. Ranma-chan: Why do you always blame me? Akane: Because you're always responsible! (Akane and Ranma-chan are right outside Tofu's office. A sign is hanging on the door.) Akane: (reading) "Sorry, due to illness we'll be closed until next week." Ranma-chan: Gee, Akane, I bet you're real upset. Akane: What is that supposed to mean? Ranma-chan: Well, now you don't have an excuse to see Dr. Tofu. (Ranma-chan jumps back and assumes a defensive stance, obviously expecting retaliation, but Akane just walks silently away.) Ranma-chan's voice: Geez, what's her problem? Ranma-chan: Hey, Akane, wait up! What's your hurry!? (Back at the Tendo home Genma, Soun, Kasumi, and Nabiki are enjoying dinner. In the corner Kuno is gagged and bound. Akane walks in followed shortly by Ranma-chan who is gasping for breath.) Genma: Welcome back, boy. Your friend, Kuno, has graciously agreed to take us all to China. (Akane, with her arms crossed resentfully, and Ranma-chan, still catching her breath, both look at Genma and Soun who are smiling. Cut to large image of Ryoga's poorly drawn map. Miniscule pictures of Kuno's ship indicate the path of travel from Japan to China's Jusenkyo Training Ground. The entire group -- Ranma-chan, Akane, Ryoga, Panda-type Genma, Soun, Kasumi, Nabiki, Happosai, Cologne, Shampoo, Mousse, Ukyou, and Kuno -- stand in front of the training ground with their gaze panning respectfully from side to side. Panda has Kuno flung over his shoulder. Akane is wearing her traditional "no hunter could possibly mistake me for a deer in these bright colors" get-up. Ryoga is turning the map around in his hands, confused.) Ryoga: According to this map, the spring is in that cave. (Ryoga looks up from the map to see himself pointing toward a large open plain.) Ranma-chan: Gimme that, stupid. Giving you a map is like giving Akane a slim pair of pants -- you just can't use it! (Ranma-chan swipes Ryoga's map. Ryoga glares at Ranma-chan. Akane uproots a sign: "Welcome to the Jusenkyo Training Grounds," and takes a swing at Ranma-chan, who dodges.) Ranma-chan: Stop it, Akane. It says it's over there! Follow me. (The group follows Ranma-chan into the cave to stand in the glow of a far off light. Ranma-chan steps forward to discover she's ankle-deep in cold water. Akane steps forward also and finds the same.) Akane: Wait, can cats swim? Shampoo: What for you ask that question? Akane: Shampoo, someone's going to have to carry you, there's water all on the floor. Mousse: Shampoo! I would gladly support you across this trecherous river! (Mousse races blindly into the water and transforms into Duck-type. Cologne picks up Duck, and Panda shoulders Shampoo. Ranma-chan looks back at Ryoga who is in a silent panic.) Ranma-chan's voice: I am honour bound to keep Ryoga's curse a secret from Akane... Ranma-chan: (loudly) Akane and I will run ahead, we'll see you guys at the end of the cave! (Ranma-chan takes Akane's hand and runs, pulling Akane behind her.) Akane: Ranma! (Ranma-chan and Akane run until they are standing on dry ground. Ranma-chan looks back and the rest of the group are out of sight. Akane snatches her hand back from Ranma-chan's grip. They walk forward for a short while and find themselves in front of the source of light.) Ranma-chan: This must be the Gyaku-nichuan... (Ranma-chan's eyes swell with tears of joy. Ranma-chan begins skipping back and forth, singing again.) Ranma-chan: Never-gonna-be-a-guhrl-again! Never-gonna-be-a-guhrl- again! Never-gonna-be-a-guhrl-again! Akane's voice: Ranma, I'm so happy for you. (Ranma-chan stops and just stares at the Gyaku-nichuan with wide hopeful eyes as the rest of the group come into sight. Ryoga is hugging the wall still even though the ground below him is dry.) Jusenkyo Guide: Here, sirs, is very curs-ed hot spring, Gyaku-nichuan. (Team Ranma is surprised to look behind them and see the Jusenkyo Guide. Frightened, Ryoga lets go of the wall and is surprised to land on dry ground. Ranma-chan is overjoyed that this truly the Gyaku- nichuan and jumps around.) Ranma-chan: Woo-hoo! Alright! Yippie! Yeah! Jusenkyo Guide: There very tragic tale of demon what drown there one thousand, two hundred year ago. It very curs-ed spring. Now whoever fall in hot spring just disappear. (No one pays attention to the Guide because Ranma-chan is skipping around making a fool of herself.) Ranma-chan: Never-gonna-be-a-guhrl-again! Never-gonna-be-a-guhrl- again! Panda: (sign) Look out, boy! (Panda leaps into the pool and transforms back.) Genma: Uh, does anyone have some cold water? (Soun throws a canteen of cold water on Genma and nothing happens because he is still in the hot spring, but Genma doesn't realize this and begins to cry with joy.) Akane: Now why not try it outside the hot spring? Genma: Oh, of course. (When Genma steps out Soun dumps more cold water on him. Genma turns back into Panda.) Panda: (sign) Are you sure this is it, boy? Happosai: (looking up at the back of Ryoga's map which Akane is holding) What's this writing say? Everyone but Happi: What writing? (Happosai grabs the map and holds it up triumphantly.) Happosai: This writing! (Ranma-chan stops rejoicing. The group gathers 'round.) Ranma-chan: (reading) "To activate the Gyaku-nichuan, stand on your head and rub your belly with both hands while reciting, 'Washuu.' Then jump into the spring." Hey, uh, what's a "washuu?" (Guide sneaks up behind the party again.) Jusenkyo Guide: Excuse, sirs! (The entire party, surprised, jumps back into the Gyaku-nichuan. Ranma-chan turns back into Ranma, Panda becomes Genma, Duck transforms into Mousse.) Ukyou: It's just the Guide. Kuno: This is silly. Ranma: Let's try this thing out now. Kuno: Cretinous Saotome! What have you done with the pig-tailed girl!? Ranma: Washuu! (Screen fades; clears to reveal Team Ranma in a different cave.) END.