REVENGE ON RYO-OHKI

by Cabbit Lover

Note #1: All characters in this story are the legal property of Pioneer/AIC and anyone I 
forgot.  James Bond is the creation of Ian Fleming.

Note #2: This story is set in the universe of the original Tenchi OAV series.

	Tenchi woke up in darkness.  His head was pounding.  Did Dad clobber him in practice 
<i>again?</i>...
	The next thing Tenchi noticed was that he was shackled to something.  <i>Oh, 
great,</i> he winced.  <i>Washu probably drugged me and is using me for a guinea pig 
again.</i>
	Then he heard moans.  At first frightened, he then recognized the moaners.  
Sasami...Ayeka...Ryoko...and Washu??  But if she wasn't responsible, what the hell was 
going on?
	"Ohhh, my head," groaned Ryoko.  "I <i>gotta</i> cut back on the sake."
	Then, slowly, lights were being turned on.  Soon, there was sufficient lighting to see 
what was happening.
	Tenchi, his father and grandfather, and the girls were strapped to slabs like 
something in a mad scientist movie.  Even Ryo-ohki was trapped.
	"Ah, you're all awake," said a voice.  Although the voice was pleasant-sounding 
enough, it sent a chill up Tenchi's spine...because the speaker was supposedly 
long-dead.
	"Kagato!" snarled Ryoko.  "Why, I oughtta..."
	"The only thing you 'oughtta' do," said Kagato firmly, "is die like a good little captive."
	"Uhh, Kagato, sir," asked Mihoshi, "aren't you supposed to be, y'know, dead?"  Kiyone 
gave her tactless idiot partner a glaring look.
	Kagato laughed.  "Surely, my dear police detective," he said mockingly, "even 
<i>you</i> have heard of cloning."
	"Cloning, huh?" asked Tenchi.  "So was that the clone I killed, or was it the real 
Kagato?"
	"I'd say that's a moot point, wouldn't you?" Kagato pointed out.  "Don't even think of 
using your powers, by the way.  The drugs I injected you with as you slept inhibit the 
parts of your brains that consciously trigger those abilities."  
	Then Kagato smiled and said, "Now...can anyone tell me what's going on here?"
	"Some kinda revenge thing, obviously," Tenchi noted.
	"Exactly," smiled Kagato.  "And guess who I'm going to vivisect first?"  He motioned 
toward Ryo-ohki.  "After all, if you hadn't had a spaceship, you couldn't have pursued 
me."
	<i>"No!"</i> screamed a horrified Sasami.  <i>"Not Ryo-ohki!"</i>
	"You can't kill her!" Washu added her protest.
	"Watch me!" laughed Kagato.  Producing a scalpel, he plunged toward the tiny cabbit...
	And the scalpel broke.
	Blinking in surprise, Kagato produced another scalpel.  This time he slowly drew it 
across Ryo-ohki's belly.  There was a scraping noise, accompanied by sparks.  Kagato 
withdrew the scalpel, which was now blunted.
	Grunting in frustration, the evil scientist then pulled out surgical devices designed to 
flay the poor innocent cuddly cabbit.  One by one they broke against the fluffy little 
animal's furry flesh.
	Kagato's frustration slowly turned into rage as he tried an axe, a bonesaw, a drill, a 
blowtorch, a jackhammer, a woodchipper, and eventually a laser device like something 
out of a James Bond movie.  Not a damn thing.  By this point Sasami was giggling at 
Kagato's now humorous attempts to brutally murder her cute pet.
	Meanwhile, Ryoko had worked her hands out of their shackles.  As she struggled to 
free her legs as well, she leaned over to Kiyone and said quietly, "I have more 
experience getting out of bonds than you think."
	"Work fast," Kiyone whispered back.  "I think Kagato's moved his way up to 
explosives."
	It was the truth; after using a meat tenderizer mallet, a spiked mace, and a vat of 
acid, Kagato (who had snatched himself bald-headed by now) was pelting the 
indestructible bundle-of-love with grenades.  Soon everyone was comically covered in 
soot, except for the now exasperated Kagato and, of course, Ryo-ohki.
	"Told you you couldn't kill her," said Washu in an I-told-you-so voice as Ryoko 
released her.  "I should know, I made her myself."  Tenchi was already free and was 
unshackling the two Galaxy Police detectives.
	<i>"This won't stop me!"</i> screamed Kagato maniacally.  "I'm going to activate this 
ship's self-destruct mechanism!  I'll kill you all in one fell swoop!"
	"Wrong again!" chimed Washu as Tenchi then released Yosho, Noboyuki, Ayeka and 
Sasami.  "According to my calculations, the inhibitors you used should be wearing off 
right about...now.  <i>OK, Ryo-ohki, transform!</i>"
	The tiny cabbit obeyed.  As her furry body swelled, she snapped the band holding her.  
Then she slowly grew larger and larger, her expanding spaceship body smashing through 
the floor and ceiling of the room.
	"Everybody get on board!" shouted Ryoko.  "Let's blow this pop stand!"
	"No, <i>no,</i> NO!" screamed Kagato wildly, his glasses flailing off his face, making 
him look every inch the maniac.  "You can't leave yet!  I haven't finished with you!"
	"Sorry, Kagato," said Ryoko.  "See you next lifetime!"
	"No, <i>no,</i> NO!" Kagato howled again, pounding his control panel like a child 
throwing a temper tantrum.  "You can't do this to me!"
	"Watch us!" shouted Tenchi as Ryo-ohki's hatch closed.  The cabbit spaceship smashed 
through the larger ship's hull, breaking out to freedom.  A few seconds later, our heroes 
were halfway home, as Kagato's ship exploded.
	On a faraway planet, a white-haired, yellow-eyed male humanoid awoke from cryonic 
suspension.  The man screamed and jumped up and down, throwing another tantrum.  
When he finally calmed down, the man sighed and said, "Well...if at first you don't 
succeed..."
	He smiled.  The smile became a chuckle, and then a laugh, as the man walked down a 
hall filled with rows upon rows of cryogenically frozen Kagatos.

	THE END

	Author's Note: OK, so I don't know if Ryo-ohki's really indestructible.  But hey, what 
was I supposed to do, let Kagato kill a baby?  Especially one that cute?  Besides, I'm 
called "Cabbit Lover" for a reason.