Shin Ranma Muyo 3 - The Gathering Another rare example of an Achariyth fanfic. Tenchi Muyo! Belongs to AIC and Pioneer. Ranma belongs to Rumiko Takahashi. Remember, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Tenchi: Previously on Shin Ranma Muyo... Cologne: I received a telegram from Katsuhito Masaki, an old friend, who will bring his grandson for some training. Ryouga: While on another one of my journeys, I wandered into a Shrine filled with strange people. Ryoko: If I see that Hibiki boy again, I'm going to punish that Peeping Tom. Ryouga: Hey, it was an accident. All I wanted was some hot water... Shampoo: Ai ya! Shampoo doesn't like Pervert Boy Masaki! Tenchi: This is not my day for introductions. First, I accidentally walk in on a showering Shampoo, then I fall on top of a now rampaging Ranko. At least Akane and Ukyo seem normal, I hope. Ayeka: Ryoko was up to her usual tricks. While trying to sneak into Tenchi's room, she discovered that he had vanished. We all set out to look for him. Oh, and Mihoshi was attacked by a pervert. Tenchi: Just tell me this day's going to end soon. Shin Ranma Muyo! 3 - The Gathering Opening Theme: "Temporary One"-Fleetwood Mac "And that's where I found her," Kiyone Makibi explained to Washu and Ryoko. All three were sitting on the living room couch, fully dressed, even if it was only eight in a morning already interrupted by Ryoko's mischief and Tenchi's disappearance. "Hmm, was she frozen like this when you found her this morning," Washu asked. Mihoshi was presently occupying her bed. Much to everyone's concern, she just stared at the ceiling without blinking. Normally, this would be considered "a good thing" because Mihoshi could not ruin any of Washu's experiments, torture Kiyone, or foil Ryoko and Ayeka's various Tenchi snares, but Tenchi's earlier disappearance and Ryoga's rampage had demanded the situation be treated with the utmost paranoia. "Pretty much, except she was stammering something that sounded like 'pervert'." Kiyone was calm, collected, and very much not going to erupt into a mindless rage because someone molested her partner. That was Ryoko's job. No, Kiyone would bide her time, focus her rage, find the perpetrator, and allow him to make peace with his gods. Then she'd turn him over to Washu, who was always looking for a new experiment. Maybe something dealing with human pain thresholds would be appropriate. Maybe Washu would even let Kiyone be her lab assistant for that experiment as well. "That'll explain it. Mihoshi might be a bubblehead at times, but I guess she's still innocent in some areas." "Most areas," Ryoko interjected. Washu ignored her. "Anyway, I didn't think that this would be so traumatic for her." "I guess you've never been felt up before," Kiyone muttered. Washu spent so much time in her girl form that she tended to be ignored by perverts, who seemed to prefer older, more physically mature victims, like Kiyone and Ryoko. "Two perverts in one day. I swear that the next man that tries to do anything to anyone in this house will die horribly," Ryoko said solemnly. "So what shall we do about Mihoshi?" Washu asked, trying to purge the shared telepathic link with her daughter of Ryoko's graphic plans for bloody revenge. Bloody revenge was right. Washu fought a wave of nausea induced from some of Ryoko's more unspeakable images. "Well, both of us have some leave time we can use. As much as I'd like to help find Tenchi, my partner comes first. I'll take her someplace where she can relax, get help, and I can blow off some steam." And maybe turn a few perverts into pretzels as well. "Sounds good. We can't leave to find Tenchi until Mayuka returns from Tenchi's aunt's house, anyway." "When will that be?" Ryoko snapped. "Around nine. Don't worry. We have to wait for Nobuyuki to be at the office. He should know where Tenchi is." "Why is that?" "He's the only one with a driver's license around here." Ryoko floated towards the door. "Where are you going, Ryoko?" Kiyone asked. Ryoko ignored the question. Soon, she had phased through the wall and the roar of explosions could be heard. Sasami walked into the living room, obviously searching for something. She paused as a particularly vicious chain of exlosions thundered throughout the house. "What's with Ryoko? Ayeka's still asleep," the young princess asked. "Don't worry about her. She's just blowing off some steam," Washu replied. "Oh, okay. Well, has anyone seen that pig from yesterday? I haven't seen it since last night, and I just know Mayuka would love to see it." Washu grinned and waved her hand reassuringly. "Nope. Not at all." Right, and just what is P-chan doing in your lab, Washu-chan? "But I'm sure he'll turn up soon." Behind the couch, where none could see, especially Sasami, a subspace portal opened, dropping a dazed black pig on to the floor. "Why don't you cook breakfast now. I'm sure we'll find Ryo-, er, that pig by the time you're finished," Washu added. "Okay," Sasami said unconvincingly as she walked toward the kitchen. The slamming of a door upstairs competed with the ruckus outside. "I swear that woman's insufferable. Making that kind of racket at this hour, has she no decency?" Ayeka hissed. "Well, I better get Mihoshi ready to go," Kiyone said as she dashed out of the living room and away from ground zero. Washu just sighed. She went behind the couch and picked up the pig. Raising him to eye level, she smiled and said loudly, "Now be a good pig." She then hissed, "Otherwise, Ryouga, I swear I will let Ryoko find out about this little magic trick of yours. Its amazing how much hot water that girl uses when she bathes. Understand?" Ryouga shook his porcine head vigorously. "Good!" Washu smiled. "Now let's go eat breakfast. How does bacon sound to you? I'm more of a sausage person myself. How about pigs in a blanket?" Ryouga sighed. Damn you, Saotome, this is all your fault! *********************************************************************** "Daddy, I'm home!" Mayuka called out as she stepped through the front door. Mayuka had been aged to thirteen by Washu, since everyone was too impatient to wait for her to grow up into the cheerful young woman everyone missed. "Hi, Mayuka. Everyone's in the dining room. Come and join us," Sasami shouted back. "Hi, everyone. Where's Daddy?" Mayuka asked as she entered the dining room. Sasami, Washu, Ayeka, and Ryoko were busy eating. Kiyone and Mihoshi had already left for vacation and counseling. "He's out playing hide and seek. After we eat, we're going to go find him," Sasami answered her friend. Washu had suggested that they tell Mayuka that Tenchi was playing a game. Otherwise some poor unfortunate soul would have to tell Daddy's Little Girl that Tenchi had run out on them. "Oh. Sounds like fun. Hey, when did we get a pet?" Ryouga squirmed under Sasami's arm. "Oh, you mean tomorrow's bacon, don't you, Mayuka?" Washu snickered as she answered. Add squealing to squirming. "Enough with the pig jokes," Ryouga squealed incoherently. "Washu, that's not funny!" Sasami hissed. For some reason, Washu seemed to give Sasami more latitude to criticize her actions than the other girls. "Relax. I'm not going to hurt him. That's Ryoko's job." "Why would I do something like that?" "Call it a hunch." "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mom." "So have you named it yet, Sasami?" Ayeka asked between mouthfuls of breakfast. "No, not yet." "How about P-chan?" Washu interjected. "P-chan?" Ryoko echoed in disbelief. "'P' for pig, 'chan' for cute." "What a stupid name." No one noticed P-chan's glare of impending doom that was directed at Ryoko. "Kind of like Ryoko," Ayeka giggled. Ryoko powered up, ready to wipe that annoying smirk and life itself from Ayeka's face. "What was that, Princess?" she growled. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist," Ayeka laughed. "It was funny," Sasami giggled. Ryoko sighed. She just did not get any respect. After all, everyone loved Ayeka, and who cared about Ryoko? "Can I hold P-chan?" Mayuka asked. "Sure," Sasami replied. "Hm, P-chan's kind of dirty. Maybe I should give him a bath?" Mayuka thought aloud. Ryouga's eyes grew wide with fright. "No!" Washu shouted, much too forcibly for such a mundane task. "Why not?" "Just trust me," Washu replied, still agitated. "You ever get the feeling something strange is going on?" Ryoko asked Ayeka, who nodded in response. *********************************************************************** "Reiko, any messages while I was out?" Nobuyuki Masaki asked his secretary over the intercom. "Just one, Mr. Masaki. From your daughter." "My daughter?" "Yes. Although a girl named Ryoko-I'm-going-to-rip-your-heart- out-and-strangle-you-with-your-own-intestines-if-you-don't-tell-me- where-Tenchi-is-you-dirty-bastard Masaki seems to be a little peculiar. Not to mention, quite a mouthful. I assume you'll be unavailable for any meetings with her." Reiko replied dryly. "Y-yes, of course. If she calls, tell her I've left for the day." "Okay." The intercom turned off with an audible click. "Now, that's not nice, lying to your future daughter-in-law, is it?" came an ominously gleeful voice of the Masaki shrine's resident sadist. "I'm dead," Nobuyuki whispered. At last, dear Achika, we will be together soon. Do not think less of me for the changes since you were taken from me. I could not bear the loss. I only hope that you can still recognize me after Ryoko finishes with me. "Come, Nobuyuki, we need to talk." With that, Ryoko phased through the wall, grabbed a stunned Nobuyuki, and pulled him the same way she came. *********************************************************************** In the middle of a park on the outskirts of Nerima, a Jurai invasion was in the planning stages. Ryoko and Ayeka sat on a bench, debating methods for finding both Tenchi and a place to stay. Washu would join them later in the day when her latest experiment was completed. While the adults schemed, Mayuka and Sasami enjoyed the company of Ryo-ohki and P-chan. While Ryouga would have rather been with Akane, he rather enjoyed the game of tag he had been playing with the girls. At least then he did not have to worry about crossing Ryoko. Much to Ryouga's regret, the game died down when Ayeka had called for the girls to join the discussion. "Really, Ryoko, I wish you hadn't done that to Father," Ayeka scolded. Ryoko shrugged. "Whatever. At least we know where Tenchi is now." "Oh, I don't disagree about that. I just wanted to have my share of the fun." "You surprise me, Princess." "Since when is teasing Grandpa fun?" Mayuka asked, scratching P- chan's ears. Sasami just shook her head and mouthed "Not now." "So what's the plan?" Ryoko asked. "Well, since Tenchi's planning on staying in Nerima for awhile, we need to find a place to live close by this 'Nekohanten' Father was talking about," Ayeka said. "You mean we have to find the 'Nekohanten' first, don't you?" Mayuka cut in. "And what's with this 'Father' stuff, Ayeka?" Ryoko hissed. That old argument again, Sasami groaned inwardly. "Anyway, why don't we split up. Ryoko, why don't you and Sasami try to find the Nekohanten, while Mayuka and I find a place to live." Ayeka said, ignoring her rival for once. "I want to go find Daddy!" Mayuka again. Ryoko sighed. Mayuka loved Tenchi a little too much beyond what was deemed normal for a girl of her physical age. "Sounds good. Where shall we meet tonight?" Part of her resented the fact that Ayeka assumed leadership, but she felt too good after 'convincing' Nobuyuki to talk to put up much more than token resistance. "I want to find Daddy!" "Mayuka, you and I need to talk before you see Tenchi again," Ayeka said patiently, her voice masking her frustration. "Let's meet at the local school at five, if we don't run into each other sooner." "Sure thing. C'mon, Sasami, let's go find Tenchi!" Ryoko said, pulling the young girl and a startled Ryo-ohki with her. "I wonder what exactly happened to Grandpa?" Mayuka wondered idly before chasing after a retreating Ayeka. Later that day, Reiko, Nobuyuki's secretary needed to obtain her boss's signature for some new architectural design. She screamed when found her boss curled in a fetal position on his office floor. Patches of his skin and clothes were blackened and smoldering. The police later determined the cause of his wounds as spontaneous combustion, forensic-speak for "I have no clue." *********************************************************************** "I wonder why people are reluctant to tell us where the Nekohanten is?" Sasami asked Ryoko as the two walked in their search for the Chinese restaurant. Ryo-ohki, presently perched on the young princess' head, echoed Sasami's question with a pensive "Miya." "Don't know. What I wonder is why many of them make motions to ward off evil," the demon summoner replied. "Maybe they know who you are?" Sasami giggled. Ryoko pulled on one of Sasami's pigtails affectionately, then hard enough to make Sasami think twice about making any similar comments. "Bad enough I get that from Ayeka and Mayuka..." She muttered. "Ouch!" Sasami gasped. "You didn't have to pull so hard!" Ryo-ohki hissed at her counterpart for disturbing her place of rest. "Sorry," Ryoko growled in a tone that lacked believability. "There's another person," Sasami pointed out, still wincing. "Your turn, Sasami." The young girl just sighed, then ran up to a longhaired young man in white robes. "Excuse me, sir, could you tell me where the Nekohanten is?" "Huh, who's that?" "Why are you talking to that sign?" Sasami giggled. "Where are you? I can't seem to find you," the man said. "To your left, silly," Sasami laughed. "Oh." The young man looked around, then placed the glasses adorning his head over his eyes. "Sorry, what did you say?" "Where's the Nekohanten? We're supposed to meet a friend staying there." "You wouldn't be friends with that pervert Masaki?" "Tenchi's no pervert," Ryoko roared. "What's he to you?" Mousse asked. "He's my boyfriend." Ryoko sized up Tenchi's slanderer. If it came to blows, she was certain he would be a pushover. Sasami shook her head in disbelief. She vowed that she would find some excuse to be elsewhere when Ayeka found out about Ryoko's latest stunt. "He's got you, and he's still after my Shampoo? He's as bad as Saotome!" Mousse shouted in surprise. Ryoko blinked. This guy clearly had problems. Most people were partial to a certain brand of shampoo, but not many obsessed over it. Besides, what did a girlfriend have to do with hair care products? Sasami smiled cutely. "Could you lead us to the Nekohanten?" Mousse snapped out of his rage. "Sorry. I'm on an errand for the old crone. She'll kill me if I'm late. But I can give you directions." The last was added quickly after Sasami pouted adorably. This one will be a terror to food vendors everywhere if she learns to scam food like Ranma, he thought. After giving the aliens directions to the infamous Cat Café, Mousse bid them farewell. But the parting was not a pleasant one, for Mousse, having earlier placed his glasses on his forehead, had mistaken Ryoko for Shampoo. With a shout of "I am not a hair care product, you idiot," Ryoko had sent the young man on his way out of town with a good strong kick. Sasami watched Mousse's retreating form. "Is that normal human behavior?" Ryoko shook her head. "I don't even want to think about that. Come on, Sasami, let's find Tenchi!" The two followed Mousse's instructions to the letter. Within minutes, they could see the sign advertising the entrance to the Nekohanten. "I hope Tenchi's in there," Ryoko said. Sasami could have sworn that she could see hearts in Ryoko's eyes. Then the hearts vanished, as Ryoko's eyes darted suspiciously, surveying the landscape. "What's wrong?" Sasami asked. "Stay back." With that, Ryoko pushed Sasami behind her. "SWEETO! Come here, honey, and comfort an old man in his time of need," Happosai shouted as her dove for Ryoko's chest. But to his dismay, the woman he aimed for disappeared suddenly, leaving a frozen young girl in his flight path. The old pervert tried to land quickly. After all, he had his pride, and young girls just were not his perversion. Now, if she were three or so years older... Ryoko appeared ten feet away from her previous position and saw her intended opponent. He was short, old, lecherous, and flying towards Sasami. "Damn it, some protector I am. I forgot about Sasami." Much to her regret, Ryoko had acted instinctively for her own preservation. Now she would have to explain to Ayeka the reason why a pervert had mauled Sasami. Ryoko suspected that conversation would become more violent that most of their earlier discussions about Tenchi had ever been. "This one dies," she swore, summoning her energy sword. Deep within Sasami's mind, where Tsunami had all but hid herself from the young girl, a Megami grew enraged. Sasami might be petrified with fear, but Tsunami would not, under any circumstances, allow her other self to be molested by this pervert. She had only one course of action that she could think of. Happosai screamed in pain as he smashed headlong into a trio of Light Hawk Wings. It had felt as if he had hit a burning brick wall. Next thing he knew, he was on the ground and an enraged woman, beautiful and deadly, towered over him. "Where did she come from, and where is that girl?" he asked, not knowing what he did to upset the blue-haired beauty in front of him. "Tsunami!" Ryoko breathed, stunned by the Megami's sudden appearance. Now I'm really in trouble for abandoning Sasami. Ryo-ohki winced as she hit the ground. Sasami's sudden transformation into Tsunami had thrown the cabbit from her perch on Sasami's head. Happosai laughed nervously as he stood up. "Gotta run!" he shouted as he dashed away, but not before he took advantage of Ryoko's inaction to feel her up. Tsunami gave chase, hurling blue energy bolts at the ancient martial arts master. Ryoko's eyes narrowed in rage. First, Ryouga, then Mihoshi, and now this, she fumed. "Die!" she shouted, as a nimbus of orange energy flared around her. Happosai was soon dodging orange energy blasts in addition to Tsunami's blue. Ryo-ohki chased after the Angels of Death, lest she get lost in the city. *********************************************************************** "Now, Mayuka, if anyone asks, who are you again?" Ayeka asked again, as the pair of Jurai princesses shared an okonomiyaki from a local vendor. P-chan had wandered off, so Ayeka had purchased a treat for the young girl to soften the blow. "I'm Mayuka Masaki, Tenchi's younger sister, not his daughter. You and Sasami are his cousins, and Ryoko's-" Mayuka recited, then trailed off. "What's Ryoko again?" "A dried-up old mummy that stole my first love away from me, and now wants Tenchi." "I don't think most people want to know all that," Mayuka replied innocently. "Well, we'll deal with Ryoko later, Mayuka. Right now, what's important is that when we see Tenchi again, that you act properly. Otherwise people will know we're not like them." "I can't help it. I love my daddy." "Yes, yes. I know," Ayeka growled under her breath. "So where are we going to stay?" "I don't know, Mayuka. I don't know," Ayeka sighed as she leafed through the classified section of a newspaper. "I've never done this before. When I was on Jurai, housing was never a concern for me." "We're doomed," Mayuka thought. "Oh, this one looks promising. Come on, Mayuka, let's go." Mayuka followed Ayeka dutifully, with the hope that she would see her daddy somewhere along the way. Actually, walking on the streets of the Nerima district was a new experience for Tenchi's daughter. Because of her alien heritage and the fact that Daddy was still in his teens with a teenage daughter, Mayuka stayed on the shrine grounds, with the occasional foray into a small town. This was the first time she had ever been in a proper city, much less around so many people, and the young girl reveled in the new sights and sounds to such a degree that Ayeka grew embarrassed. "Mayuka, calm down," Ayeka scolded. "Why? I'm having fun. Isn't this wonderful?" "People are looking at you." "Really? Wow!" "We really need to let you out more. Maybe then you'll get a clue," Ayeka said under her breath as she watched Mayuka bounce from one side of the road to the other. She cringed as the young girl began to attract the attention of local boys. She wondered if Tenchi was ready to see Mayuka chased by a bunch of amorous boys. Ayeka knew for certain that she was not ready, having no illusions who would have to teach Mayuka about the facts of life and feminine modesty. (She shuddered to think what might happen if Ryoko, Washu, or Mihoshi were given that job.) She just prayed that Mayuka would be attracting most of the attentions. If the boys chased both Mayuka and Sasami, well, Ayeka did her best not to consider that frightening possibility. And may Tsunami preserve us if Sasami started to grow out of her girlish body and into her stunning adult form while here in Nerima. Ayeka's musing was shattered when Mayuka barreled into one of the shoppers, causing the shopper's bags to fall. "This is not proper for a princess of Jurai," Ayeka sighed, resolving to instruct her kinsman about the fine points of social grace needed by one of Mayuka's noble blood. "I'm sorry," Mayuka apologized as she helped gather the fallen groceries. "Oh, that's okay," Kasumi Tendo said reassuringly as she picked up the last of the spilled groceries. "I don't mean to pry, but why are you in such a hurry?" "My cousin and I are looking for a place to stay for awhile," Mayuka replied. "Oh, really? Most people I know are trying to leave this area," Kasumi trailed off. "Mayuka!" Ayeka scolded as she ran towards her relative. "At least introduce yourself." "I'm sorry, Ayeka. Hi, I'm Mayuka Masaki. And I'm sorry for running into you." Kasumi laughed, and addressed Ayeka. "What a polite girl. I guess you must have something to do with that, Miss..." "Ayeka Masaki Jur-, Ayeka Masaki, Mayuka's cousin." The princess hoped that her slip had not been noticed. "I'm Kasumi Tendo. Mayuka told me you need a place to stay." "Yes. My friends, family, and I wish to stay in Nerima for a month or so. Because of that, I have had problems finding a place for them." Not really, but I cannot tell her that the reason I have not found a place is that I'm an alien princess with no practical experience outside of my palace. "Well, I'm sure my sister can help you find an apartment or something. If not, I'm leaving today, and my family could use a cook." Mayuka cheered. "Sasami is one of the best cooks I know!" "That settles it. I'll introduce you to my sister Nabiki. Follow me," Kasumi instructed. "Might as well," Ayeka sighed as she followed Kasumi to the Tendo Dojo. *********************************************************************** Nabiki lay on the couch reading and doing the endless repetitions of leg lifts she used to keep in shape. She enjoyed the feeling of peace that had settled over the dojo while Ranma, Akane, and the old pervert were presently elsewhere. Peace was rent into pieces when Ranma-chan slammed open the door upon entering. "Hi, Ranma. What's wrong now?" Nabiki called out as a greeting. "Damn pervert. Why did he have to do that?" Ranma-chan hissed. Now this should be interesting. Maybe I can sell some more photos and embarrass Ranma some more. "What happened?" "Some guy running after Shampoo decided to jump on me and cop a feel." Nabiki could tell that Ranma was heading towards the kitchen to find the eternal flame heating the water kettle Kasumi had set aside for quick changes. A loud splash, then Ranma's male voice resonated throughout the house. "That's more like it." "Did you get a name?" "Nope. Shampoo just called him 'Pervert Boy', nothing more." "So." "So? If Shampoo thinks he's a pervert, and then he gropes me, don't you think that desires something more than just 'so'?" "If the shoe fits... Hey, Ranma, doesn't Shampoo call Akane 'Pervert Girl'?" Nabiki asked innocently, setting the impulsive Ranma up for a fall. "Yes, but she didn't walk in on anyone when they were bath-" Ranma trailed off, blushing. His mind flashed back to the first day he met Akane and how she found out about his curse. "Go on," prodded Nabiki. "Its different with girls." Even as Ranma said it, he knew how weak his defense sounded. Akane, a pervert? She might be many things, but definitely not a pervert. Nabiki smiled at how easily she tricked Ranma. "Is he in the hospital now?" "Nah, Akane knocked me into the pond just before I knocked him senseless." "So much for Cologne's new student." "You're kidding me. That wimp's her new student?! The Ghoul's not going to like this. Of course, she probably has her hands full just training him." "I hope she doesn't try to trap you in your cursed form again or pull another one of her surprises." Ranma shuddered at the memory of what it took to get the Phoenix Pill away from Cologne. "Let's not go there." "I'm home!" Akane called out. "Nabiki, why is the door wide open?" "Ask your fiancee." "Ranma," hissed Akane. "What?" With Genma as your father, do you think you'd actually learn manners and etiquette? "Never mind. You know, you should have been nicer to Tenchi." "Who?" "That guy you nearly killed. He's really sweet." "He didn't try to feel you up or nothing?" "Not at all. A perfect gentleman, unlike someone I know." "Are we talking about the same person?" "Be that way, Ranma. I think you're jealous. Nabiki, is Kasumi here?" "Jealous?! Of what? A tomboy like you?" "Not yet. She should be home at any time," Nabiki responded after Akane had finished rearranging Ranma into a human pretzel. "I guess I should start dinner now." Ranma's face drained of all color even as he made the necessary contortions to stand up. This just was not his day. First, getting mauled by this Tenchi and now he was going to get mauled by Akane and her cooking. "Hey, Ranma, what would you do if, oh, let's say, Tenchi were to stop by the house." Nabiki called out. "I don't want to think about that right now." "Well, I'd start thinking about it, 'cause here he comes. Ukyo's here as well." "How do you know what he looks like, Nabiki?" Akane asked curiously, while Ranma steeled himself for who knew what. "Woman's intuition, Akane." Nabiki paused as her sister face- faulted. "Nah, stopped by the Nekohanten while he was recovering from Cologne's training." Then all conversation stopped as a Light Hawk stood tapping, rapping at the dojo's door. "Ran-chan! I've got dinner for you, Ranma," the cute fiancee called from behind the door. The uncute fiancée was about to uncutely and violently chastise Ranma once again. "You planned this, didn't you?" "Calm down, Akane. I want to watch this uninterrupted," Nabiki said between leg lifts. Ranma sighed. Let's get this over with, he thought. He opened the door. "Hi, Ucchan," he greeted his friend warmly. "What do you want." The last was hurled at Tenchi with all the frigidity of all twenty-two Ice Ages. "Um, is Ranko here?" Tenchi asked, with a twinge of nervousness. "C'mon in!" Nabiki shouted towards the door. Ranma's visitors did just that. "She's not here at this moment," Ranma replied coldy. "What's with Ran-chan?" Ukyo asked Akane. "I'll tell you later." "But you can go ahead and talk with her friend Ranma here. They're so close, they seem like one person," Nabiki said with her usual touch. It could be so much fun watching Ranma squirm. "Nabiki!" Akane gasped. "Why don't you lay off for once?" Ranma hissed at his fiancee's sister. "Pardon me for being friendly to our guest," Nabiki said with feigned indignation. "Yeah, whatever," came the reply. "You wouldn't be interested in dating her?" Ranma asked bluntly as he suddenly readdressed Tenchi. Nabiki shook her head. He'll never learn the value of tact, she thought. "N-, no, I have enough girl problems as is." Tenchi stuttered, taken aback by the brutal honest of the question. Ranma softened slightly, relieved that would be no new suitors chasing his feminine side. Meanwhile, Nabiki's ears perked at the sound of opportunity. "Your friend and I had a little accident earlier today, and we ended up in a compromising position. I'm afraid she was offended and embarrassed. I just came to offer my apologies and reassure her that I didn't, well, the incident was embarrassing for me as well. And I would have avoided it if I could have." "I'll tell her next time I see her," Ranma said, some traces of coolness removed from his voice. "What type of girl problems?" Nabiki tried to keep a straight face. "I have two extremely competitive rivals for my affections, plus another three who are interested in me, not to mention an over- affectionate... sister that the others get jealous of. With this much attention, why would I even be interested in someone else?" Please don't ask where they all come from. I don't want to spend another month dodging the tabloids. Once is enough. And I hope Kiyone learned her lesson about dating humans. Nabiki and Ranma both hoped Akane paid attention to Tenchi's last statement. Yeah, right. So much for wishful thinking. "I didn't catch your name," Ranma said as a gesture of forgiveness. "Tenchi Masaki." "Ranma Saotome." "I hate to interrupt, but the okonomiyaki I brought is starting to get cold," Ukyo said as she sprinted to the dinner table. "Ranma no eat okonomiyaki, he eat Shampoo's ramen," Shampoo called as she launched herself through the open doorway and at Ranma's chest. Tenchi swore in surprise as he dodged the purple-haired missle. "Can't breath," Ranma gasped as Shampoo's embrace threatened his vital air supply. "What are you doing here?" Akane hissed. "Oh, hi, Akane, Spatula Girl, and Pond Scum," Shampoo called out before she started pressing the flesh. Meanwhile, Ranma turned blue as his oxygen reserves depleted. "You might want to let go of Ranma, Shampoo," Nabiki suggested. "What you mean?" "Just look at his face," Akane hissed as Ukyo tried to pry the Amazon off Ranma with her spatula. "Oh." With that, she let go. Ranma collapsed onto the floor, panting. "Ai ren okay?" "S- sure, Let me rest here for a moment," he panted "Looks like you have the same problems I do," Tenchi commented. He felt ashamed as he thought, "Better Ranma than me." "Pervert Boy too ugly to get girlfriend," Shampoo sniped. Maybe I am laying it on a little too thick. I don't want him to think I'm a total bitch, but I do want to drive him toward Akane. Tenchi just laughed nervously. "I'm home," Kasumi called out. "And I brought some visitors." Another purple-haired missile launched herself into the room, followed by Mayuka. "Tenchi!" "Da-, Big Brother!" The duo tackled the missing prince, knocking him to the ground next to Ranma. "I believe you were saying something, Shampoo?" Nabiki chided. "Even Shampoo make mistakes," the Amazon admitted, hoping the new girls did not hear her earlier comment. This was not good. How can she get Tenchi and Akane together with these two in the picture? "Ryoko?" Ukyo mouthed. Tenchi had described his more forward suitor on the walk to the dojo, but had left out a physical description. Tenchi emphatically shook his head no. No one noticed Ryouga's cursed form slink towards the bathroom. "Oh my, we certainly have a lot of guests today," Kasumi said as she closed the door. The young men had just pried the young women from themselves when the door burst apart in fragments. Happosai dashed into the room, followed by an avenging angel and a demon from Hell. "Tsunami," Tenchi gasped. What was she doing here? And what had happened to make her want to kill that old man? Ryoko's heart fell. Her heart ached that Tenchi had been more taken with Tsunami's appearance than with seeing her again. "Ranma, my boy, you gotta hide me!" It was not often the martial arts master panicked. Usually, it had something to do with women chasing him after the pervert's latest underwear raid. Unfortunately for Happosai, Ranma could not say anything because he was staring intently at the blue-haired beauty in front of him. Suddenly, the room was illuminated by the blinding glare of a trio of Light Hawk Wings. Tsunami gathered the Wings' energy, then took careful aim. Sensing danger, Happosai leapt through a window, chased by the energy projectile Tsunami launched, with the Megami not far behind. Ryoko would have followed, but she was too busy trying to wrap herself as tightly around Tenchi as possible, taking advantage of Tsunami's departure. "Ranma, say something!" Akane hissed. Ranma did not acknowledge, as he was too busy staring at the retreating form of Tsunami. "Daddy, what's going on?" Mayuka asked, her curiosity overcoming Ayeka's social conditioning. Fortunately for Tenchi, the locals were too busy either staring at the Megami or fuming at those who did to notice Mayuka's slip. "I don't know," Tenchi said, captivated by Tsunami. He was feeling the usual nervousness whenever she appeared, brought about by his memories of the flirtatious way she had acted the first time they had met. Meanwhile, Ayeka and Ryoko began to join Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyo in illuminating the room with the dark aura of jealousy. Akane ran into the kitchen, and back out, carrying a bucket of cold water. "I said, snap out of it, Ranma!" she hissed as she threw its contents at her fiancee. Unfortunately for all, her aim was slightly off, and Shampoo got a quick rinse. Shampoo-kitty expressed her frustration by hurling her cursed form at Ranma. While Shampoo was normally known for affectionately throwing herself at Ranma, chasing Ranma in her cat from was anything but affectionate. Ranma snapped out of his trance when Shampoo's claws sank into his shoulder. "Ah! Cat! Get it off of me!" Ranma screamed. "Serves you right," Akane snarled. Ayeka and Ryoko ceased fantasizing their nightmares about Tsunami stealing Tenchi away from them. The spectacle of a hysterical man chased by such a cute cat him was just too hilarious. Ryoko laughed heartily, while Ayeka at least had the dignity to hide her mirth. "This isn't funny," Ukyo said with equal parts anger and worry. "Where did Shampoo go?" Tenchi asked. "This is too weird," Mayuka said. "You can't even begin to imagine," Nabiki sighed. "I hate to interrupt, but what is he doing?" Tenchi asked, sweating nervously. Ranma had been cornered by Shampoo, who had enjoyed teaching Ranma the penalty for looking at any other woman other than her. In her joy, she had forgotten just one tiny, insignificant detail. "Myowr!" Ranma yowled. Uh oh. *********************************************************************** "Look out, Tenchi!" Akane shouted as Ranma, still under the power of the Cat Fist, leapt to claw at Tenchi. Everyone was participating in a perverse combination of Hot Potato and Tag, with a lethal cat- crazed Ranma as the time bomb, er, potato. Tenchi froze, sweating. He had just seen Ranma shred the floor into pencil shadings with less difficulty than it would take to swat a fly. Ukyo's spatulas were now scrap metal. But although Tenchi's mind had been thrown into inaction by the unbelievable spectacle of the Cat Fist, the self-preservation instinct that summoned the Light Hawk Wings went into overdrive. Three Wings spread out into a protective barrier a fraction of a second before the claws of the Cat Fist cut into them. Meanwhile, out in the dojo yard, Tsunami smiled at her handiwork. A charred and much abused Happosai was tied with thick rope. He had been rendered unconscious by Tsunami's vicious attempts to cure Happosai of his supposed preference for little girls. The Megami closed her eyes as her form shimmered and shifted back into Sasami. The young woman giggled for a scant few seconds when the dojo exploded. When the smoke and dust cleared, it was still standing, barely. Sasami dashed inside. "Is everyone okay?" A chorus of unenthusiastic "No's" greeted her. *********************************************************************** "You don't have to do this," Akane said as she held a board over one of the many holes in the wall. "It's partially our fault. If Tsunami hadn't chased that man in here, this would not have happened. It's the least we could do," Ayeka said as she hammered the board into place. Akane thought it odd that Ayeka glared at her younger sister. Even more peculiar was that Sasami seemed to be chastised by her sister's disapproval. "I think its all Ranma's fault," Ryouga called out from the adjacent patch job. "What else is new?" Ranma growled sarcastically. "If it rains, it's my fault." "You mean, at your expense, don't you, Ranma," Nabiki smiled. "Miya!" Ryo-ohki tried to comfort Ranma in her humanoid form. "It's not a cat," Ranma repeated over and over as a mantra. "Where's Ryoko?" Tenchi asked, noticing that Ryouga shuddered at the mention of his friend's name. "I think she ran off after the Old Letch escaped or something," Ranma answered. "She's probably sleeping somewhere," Ayeka interjected. Ukyo noticed that Tenchi's clothes suddenly bunched up seeming on their own. Then a cyan-haired demon summoner appeared with her arms around Tenchi without any warning. "Oh, don't worry about me. I'm fine," Ryoko said as she tightened her embrace. Ukyo turned green. There is nothing like an over-affectionate couple in public to induce nausea. So this must be Ryoko, she thought. What kind of creature is she? "Maybe it's a good thing I'm leaving," Kasumi thought. "Oh my, what happened here?" "Washu-chan!" Mayuka and Tenchi called out as a greeting. "Hi, Tenchi, miss me?" Ryouga tried to hide himself. "Oh dear, what a mess. Can I be of service?" "Why not," Nabiki said. There could not be such a thing as too much help with the dojo resembling Swiss cheese. Washu smiled, snapped her fingers, and walked towards Ayeka. "I need to talk with you, Ayeka." "Hey, what about helping us?" Nabiki shouted. Washu sighed, put her hands together and murmured some unintelligible phrases in Selenese. "The house looks as good as new!" Akane said in awe. One minute, the house looked ready to collapse, the next, in pristine, immaculate condition. None of the improvised repairs made since the Saotomes' arrival could be seen. It was as if the house had been rebuilt from scratch. "No way!" Nabiki, Ranma, and Ukyo shouted in unison. Ryouga disappeared through another subspace wormhole opened by Washu, therefore making him unavailable for comment. "There goes our secret," the Masakis and Ryoko sighed. You have to just love nanotechnology, Washu thought. "I don't think I've been introduced to everyone," Ukyo said, the first to be aware of all the new faces once the awe had dissipated. She wanted to know whether her suspicions were correct about Ryoko's identity. "I'm Tenchi Masaki, and I'm sorry about this." "Hi, I'm Mayuka, Tenchi's sister, and that's Sasami and Ayeka, our cousins. Next to Ayeka is Washu, and the one suffocating Tenchi is Ryoko. Don't mind her, she's usually grumpy," Mayuka said, pointing to each girl in turn. "Hey, watch your mouth, Mayuka," Ryoko shouted indignantly. Mayuka and Ryoko still gave each other a hard time, a reminder of when Mayuka first appeared at the Masakis'. Everyone else put up with it as best they could. At least now they were not trying to kill each other. Ayeka did her best not to laugh. Inwardly, she was pleased that Mayuka got the cover story right and doubly so that Mayuka embarrassed Ryoko at the same time. "I'm Ranma Saotome of the Saotome school of Anything Goes Martial Arts, and Ukyo Kuonji over there is my cute fiancee. The one built like a brick over there is Akane Tendo, my uncute fiancee." "I'm uncute?! That's it! I've had it!" Akane shouted before Ranma went into the wild blue yonder. Two fiancees? Ryoko and Ayeka thought. Tenchi better not get any ideas from this. "I'm Akane's sister, Kasumi, and over there is our other sister, Nabiki." "Where's Ryouga?" Akane asked. "Probably got lost again," Ukyo sighed. Washu looked about as innocent and harmless as Mayuka. "Oh, dear, I better go pack. It was nice to meet you all," Kasumi said warmly before she disappeared inside. "Where's that other girl that was with you?" Nabiki asked, becoming Grand Inquisitor Tendo-sama in the process. "Which one?" Tenchi asked nervously. Ryoko was getting too open with her affections to remain in public much longer. "The one that meows like a cat?" Ryo-ohki turned into cabbit form and scampered towards Sasami. "Don't worry about her. She appears and disappears all the time," Washu commented. "Kinda like that Tsunami," Ukyo said. "Akane and I might have our differences when it comes to Ranma, but I'm sure we both agree that the less she's around the better." "You said it!" Akane agreed emphatically. Sasami just sighed. It was not her fault that Tsunami had merged with her, not to mention Tsunami liked to flaunt Sasami's mature form whenever she appeared. And it definitely was not Sasami's fault that she would be gifted with enough beauty to make all women around her jealous at the mere sight of her. Growing up definitely has its disadvantages. "I'm sure if you met her," Tenchi trailed off. The glares from Ranma's fiancees promised slow and painful death if her spoke aother word about their perceived new rival. "Brother, who is Tsunami?" Mayuka asked Tenchi. "I'll tell you later," Tenchi answered his daughter. "You mean the less pain Ranma will feel, don't you, Sis," Nabiki chimed in. "Personally, I hope Tsunami shows more. She seems like she'd be a calming influence on Happosai, not to mention profitable." "I hope you aren't planning on taking any pictures of her when she's changing, like you do with Ranma," Akane snapped. Ukyo watched as Sasami turned red and passed out. Such strange people, she thought. "Sasami!" Ayeka shouted, rushing to her sister. Sasami's eyes opened slightly. "I'm okay," she said weakly. "Good going, Akane. Now Sasami's going to think I'm some sort of monster," Nabiki said. "Um, I hate to interrupt, but where is everyone going to stay?" Tenchi asked, hoping to change the subject before the Tendos began to notice the Jurai's uneasiness about Tsunami. Not a chance with Nabiki nearby. "Well, we were looking for a place to stay for awhile..." Ayeka trailed. "Didn't Kasumi say your family needed a cook?" Mayuka asked. "Yeah, we can't trust Akane anywhere near the kitchen," Ranma called out as he entered the courtyard. "Uncute tomboy can't even boil water right." "Shut up, Ranma," Akane growled. "One cook, not five," Nabiki countered. "Don't mind me, I'll make my own arrangements," Washu said snickering. Then she whispered something to Ayeka, who went as white as a sheet. "Well, only Sasami can cook, so you'd only be getting one cook anyway," Mayuka replied. Ryoko shook her head. She had forgotten to teach Mayuka about the fine art of negotiation. Now it seemed that the others would be looking elsewhere for living quarters. "Let's see, our guest room is already taken," Nabiki said out loud, more to drive up the cost than anything else. "Accommodations for all four of them," Washu countered, taking charge of the negotiations. "Sasami only." Time to haggle, Nabiki thought. "All four, with compensation." "Compensation? How much would we be talking about?" came the casual response. Nabiki was listening intently. It was about time for Daddy and Mr. Saotome to go on a training journey anyway. Lose one deadbeat; gain four paying guests, she thought. "Let's see, I already fixed the dojo for you..." And I would kill to find out how. "Not enough." "I hope you enjoy instant ramen then." "Miss Washu!" The Jurai could not believe Washu would be that willing to throw away a chance at a place to stay. The haggling went on, as all of the bystanders' eyes glazed over in boredom. Sasami, Mayuka, and Akane began to play with Ryo-ohki, Ukyo left to run her store, Ranma absentmindedly practiced a kata while Ayeka and Ryoko played tug-o-war with Tenchi's arms. "It's a deal," Nabiki shouted. Playtime suddenly ended as everyone stopped to listen to the terms of the arrangement. But before she could speak... "Pig-tailed girl!" Kuno shouted as he entered the courtyard. "I am not in the mood for this!" Ranma hissed. "Pig-tailed girl! I have come to avenge your honor by facing that fiend that forced himself upon you," Kuno bellowed. "Oh, look, the pot's calling the kettle black," Nabiki groaned. "Akane-chan, what's going on?" Sasami asked. "It's a long story," Akane responded. "There you are, fiend," Kuno hissed as he spotted Tenchi. He had recognized Tenchi from the pictures Gosunkugi had taken of Tenchi's first encounter with "Ranko". "What did I do?" Tenchi wondered aloud. "Kuno's got a thing for both Akane and his 'Pig-tailed Girl'," Nabiki commented. "Ranko!" Tenchi gasped, filled with understanding. "Something like that." "I find your familiarity with the beautiful Pig-tailed Girl appalling. You will learn to show the proper respect to the lady, even if I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, must drive it into you with my blade." With that, the upperclassman aimed his bokken at Tenchi's throat. Ranma fumed. He stepped forward, ready to pummel Kuno, only to be blocked by Tenchi's outstretched arm. Ryoko fumed. She floated forward, ready to annihilate Kuno, only to be stopped by a single word from Tenchi. One of the many misconceptions made about Tenchi assumes that he is a spineless wimp. Granted, his track record with the ladies since Ryoko had revived leaves much to be desired. However, he had performed admirably when he or his guests had been threatened. At times, Tenchi had proven that he was made of sterner metal than earth. It took considerable backbone to face Kagato, Yuhuza, Kain, and Clay. Now, Tenchi's very honor had been called into question. Add to this, the fact that Tenchi was tired, worn out, embarrassed, and overloaded by all the happenings of the last day. "Have you even considered that this was all an accident, or that I might have already made amends with your 'Pig-tailed Girl'? You spout poetry about honor, but you destroy your own by jumping to conclusions. Leave now, and this will be forgotten," Tenchi hissed as he swatted Kuno's blade away. "Hey, Sasami, doesn't Tenchi sound like a bad Sailor Moon episode? 'On behalf of the Moon, I'll punish you!'" Mayuka called out, making the requisite hand motions at the same time. "Mayuka!" Ayeka scolded. Sasami, Akane, and Nabiki giggled. Kuno was not amused. Ranma and the others only ridiculed his mind, not called his honor into question. Too bad that he sometimes confused pride and arrogance with honor. Very well. Enraged, Kuno slashed at Tenchi with his bokken. It became splinters as it met a hastily summoned Light Hawk Sword. "Oh no, this is not good," Washu sighed. "Maybe you underestimated Tenchi," Nabiki said to Ranma as she sized up the odds for the impending match. "Who knew he knew hidden weapons techniques?" Ranma said. "Somehow, I don't think that's what it is," Akane replied. Kuno blinked in surprise. He was certain he did not see that sword on his foe earlier. Maybe sorcery was not a solely Saotome trick. He regained his composure. "Very well, as we are both swordsmen, I challenge you to a duel. Next Saturday at two, be at the school. We will finish this then." "Agreed." "How does it feel to have two men fighting over you, 'Pig-tailed Girl'," Akane asked her fiancee. "It's not like that," Ranma shouted. "If this is to be an honor duel, I must know the name of my opponent," Kuno rambled on. "Tenchi Masaki." "Be warned, foul Masaki..." "Ryoko, this guy's giving me a headache." Hope she gets the hint. "...Make peace with your ancestors..." Ryoko laughed sinisterly. "This won't hurt. Much." She cracked her knuckles for emphasis. Kuno gulped. "Hiding behind a woman is a dishonorable trick. You disgust me, Masaki. I cannot stand to be in the presence of such filth as you and Saotome." "That's it! If you can't stand it here, then leave already!" Ranma hissed, right before he belted Kuno into low earth orbit." "I wanted to do that," Ryoko pouted, going from vicious to cute in three seconds flat. "Nice distance," Washu commented. "Ayeka, can we go back to the shrine now?" Mayuka asked, overwhelmed by the day's events. "All I ever wanted was a normal life," Tenchi sighed dejectedly. "And you came to Nerima?" Nabiki said, incredulously. *********************************************************************** Tenchi crept back into the Nekohanten after Akane made good on her promise to lead him there. He really did not feel like giving a full account of his day to that accursed taskmaster Cologne. He shuddered to think of the special training sessions he would probably be forced into if his challenge was discovered. But how would he hide something like this from Shampoo and Mousse, much less Cologne? He had no clue. "And just where are you going, young Masaki?" a wizened voice wisecracked. Tenchi leapt in surprise. "You are a hundred fifty years too young to try to sneak past me," Cologne cackled. "You would try to hide a challenge from your sensei? What kind of martial artist are you?" The sore and exhausted kind that wants not to be bothered by the grandmother of all sadistic martial arts masters, Tenchi thought. "Oh well, we'll just have to train you harder. I will not have it said that one of my students lost a challenge, even if the student is only a male." It sounded almost as if Cologne was trying to suppress laughter. "Get some rest. You'll need it." The young prince's head sunk and he sighed. Somehow, he knew she would enjoy the training more than he would. Oh well, what does not kill us... Tenchi thought as he resigned himself to Masochist's Paradise. If she is one of Grandpa's friends, I'd sure hate to meet one of his enemies. Wait a minute. How the hell did she find out? Tenchi's train of thought was derailed by a shout of "Masaki, you enemy of women everywhere!" followed by an incoming mace. With a sigh of resignation, Tenchi summoned his Light Hawk Sword. He was not looking forward to it, but it appeared as if he would now have to beat Mousse senseless just to get some sleep. *********************************************************************** Sasami reached for another plate. While the young girl enjoyed cooking, cleaning ranked as her least favorite kitchen chore. She sighed as she scrubbed the plate. "Everything's so weird around here," she muttered under her breath. "And it all happens so fast. As soon as some bizarre thing finishes around here, another begins. I can't help but wonder what will happen next." "Princess Ayeka, Princess Sasami," an effeminate voice rang out. Some days it just does not pay to leave the shrine. Sasami dropped her plate in surprise and disgust. Not again! We thought we'd be rid of this creep. "I just had to say something," she hissed. "Sasami," Ayeka stage-whispered from the living room. "Let's go." "Princess Ayeka, Princess Sasami!" "Another friend of yours?" Nabiki queried dryly. "And what's with the royal title?" "Hardly, he's a would-be fiancee my father's trying to engage to," Ayeka responded. "And none of your business." "Sounds like there would be two brides at that wedding," Nabiki smiled. This would be interesting, and perhaps useful. "Nabiki!" Akane said, shocked at her sister. "Would you hide us?" Sasami asked. Nabiki was ready to extort, er, bargain with the Jurai, but Akane interrupted her. "Sure, follow me." The trio of girls crept toward the stairs. "Princess Ayeka, Princess Sasami!" This time louder, almost around the corner. "Oh, man, this guy definitely gets on your nerves," Ranma groaned. "Oh, look, commoners. How quaint." What stepped around the corner could only be described as a stuck up, effeminate, overconfident Jurai noble in full ceremonial garb. Let's just say Ranma and the Tendo sisters were furious and leave it at that. No need to expose the violence all three, yes, even Nabiki, wished to inflict on the fruity Jurai noble. "They're speechless, as well they should be in the presence of nobility. Ah, Princess Ayeka, my dear. Let me rescue you from this trash heap." Ayeka sighed. So much for escape. "Hey, this 'trash heap's' my home. How dare you break in here and insult me?" Akane hissed. "Relax, Akane. It's obvious he doesn't have one screw tightened," Ranma called out calmly. "A commoner dares insult Jurai nobility?" Seiryo blinked in amazement. "Now we know he's nuts. There's no such place as Jurai," Ranma laughed. "Not so, ignorant peasant. Jurai is a mighty empire, and I, Seiryo, am a mighty noble in that great empire." Ayeka almost retched from the disgusting display of self- aggrandizement by a member of the nobility. But then again, just the thought of Seiryo brought an unpleasant taste to her mouth. Nabiki could have sworn she saw two of her guests laugh nervously. Mayuka walked in. "Hey, what's happening in here?" She paused, looked at the visitor, and voiced a question. "Ayeka, who's the freak?" From the mouths of babes... "Freak? Have you commoners no respect for noble blood?" "Nope, not at all," Akane shouted. "Especially when they are delusional to boot," Ranma added. "I guess I'll have to teach you some respect, starting with that young one right there," the Jurai noble said, pointing to Mayuka. Mayuka shuddered. "What did I do?" She hated to summon her facsimile Light Hawk Sword, not to mention she hoped that she'd never have to use it to defend herself. At least the Sword of the Radiant Hawk would be easier to explain than the monster form Yuhuza had crafted for her. "Touch her and I'll teach you the meaning of pain," Ranma hissed. "No one attacks guests in my home." HIS home? Akane fumed. How dare he! "You will not touch her for she is Tenchi's sister and our cousin," Ayeka commanded regally. Nabiki was impressed. Either Ayeka was an actress of the highest caliber or there might be something to the intruder's claims of princesses and nobility. "Another princess? You impudent fools are imprisoning three princesses of Jurai in this hellhole?" "Hey! Watch what you say about my home!" "I'm a princess?" Mayuka asked, surprised. "He's hopeless," Ayeka sighed. "Very well, I challenge you to a duel," he said, pointing to Ranma. "Martial arts only. No weapons. If I win, the princesses are free to leave with me. If you win, well since there's no chance of that, I guess we'll decide that if it ever happens." "Cocky, isn't he?" Nabiki asked Ayeka. "Yes." She sighed. "I, Ranma Saotome of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts accept your challenge. Prepare to lose." "Bold words. Are you ready to eat them?" "You'll be the one eating words as well as my fists, fruitcake." "All this competition is making me sick," Sasami sighed. "Shall we begin now?" "Can I make a suggestion?" Nabiki piped up. The two would-be combatants stopped momentarily. "Why don't we make the duel one week from today at 1:30 at the high school? I mean, you probably could use the time to rest and train accordingly after your travels." "You may have a point. Very well, let it be as you say." "Ah, Nabiki, you're spoiling my fun!" "Princess Ayeka, I will free you from your captors." With that, Seiryo disappeared laughing. "I'm a princess?" Mayuka repeated. "Wow!" "Don't listen to him, Mayuka. He's one banana short of a bunch," Nabiki instructed. Ayeka's smile took on a strained appearance. "Hey, Ranma, who was that?" Happosai asked as he hobbled inside, looking like something that the cat would not drag in. "Sweeto!" The pervert dove towards Ayeka with more energy than it appeared that he could summon. "Hey, you old coot, what do you think you are doing?" Ranma yelled as he dove after Happosai. He barely avoided becoming diced Ranma when Tsunami appeared, swinging a Light Hawk Sword. Nabiki just watched as Happosai crashed through a wall in order to save his worthless life. "And I thought it couldn't get any weirder," she thought as she watched the wall repair itself. Closing Theme - Born under a Bad Sign, by Cream Akane: Next time on Shin Ranma Muyo... Ayeka: Tenchi and Ranma both have their duels to prepare for, but will Cologne and Yosho's training kill them first? Nabiki: Place your bets right now! Which swordsman will win, Kuno or Masaki? Sasami: Looks like Seiryo have some sort of trick up his sleeve. Akane: And what about this Tsunami? Who is she and why does she only appear when she's about to kill Happosai? Sasami: (whistles innocently) Akane: Finally, what's this new door doing here? Washu: Go away! I'm busy! Kiyone: Will they ever give me decent screen time? Akane: You had to ruin this, didn't you? Tsunami: Join us next time for Shin Ranma Muyo 4. Mayuka: See you there! Akane: Hey that's my line! Ranma-chan: Watching the Old Lecher get thrashed is unquestionably satisfying. Happosai: What was that, dear Ranma-chan? (Ranma-chan screams as Happosai does his usual hentai tricks. A mad rush ensues as Ranma-chan, Akane, Tsunami, Kiyone, and Mayuka each vie to be the first to break every bone in his body.) Author's notes: Hope this was worth the year and a half wait, folks. I'm still planning on writing another 3+ parts. Hopefully the next will appear before the millennium ends. Direct any and all comments, ideas, suggestions, and flames to Achariyth@AOL.com "The writer must believe that what he is doing is the most important thing in the world. And he must hold to this illusion even when he knows it is not true."--John Steinbeck