Psychofiend (ARAMUSIEWICZ@worldnet.att.net) Now that's a damn good crossover-Chapter 1- the beginning What section it should be put in: crossovers Short synopsis: How anime characters can improve your lifestyle. Disclaimer: NONE of the characters in this fanfic belong to me, except Chris. They are owned by the people who made them. PLEASE don't sue me. My dad would bash me into the ground. Chris really didn't need this. For about the thousandth time, he walked over to his brother, holding the phone, wondering what the hell were those weird sounds coming out of it. "Okay, I'll tell you one more time, YOU CAN'T CALL PEOPLE WHILE I'M ON THE NET!" he shouted at his brother. "God, how many times do I have to tell you that? Asshole," "Hey, I didn't know you were on the net. You never told me," his brother replied. "I DID TELL YOU I WAS ON! DO YOU HAVE ADD OR SOMETHING?! he shot back. " Come on, can't I call one of my friends? Can you stop looking for whatever you're looking for on there for one second?" his brother replied weakly. "I'm going to let you call them now, okay? But just don't do that again, please?" "Fine, all right," his brother replied. He picked up the phone and started to dial. Chris walked off angrily. Out of nowhere, it just popped up right in front of him so silently, he walked right into it, a portal opened. He realized what he had done the last second. "Oh, boy. Now I'm sucked into a portal. For all I know I'm going to hell. Damn, why can't my life be easier?" he said nonchalantly as if he was sucked into portals every day of his life. He might be going to hell, so he prepared for it. (Okay, Satan. I'll clean the floor. Just stop poking me with the pitchfork, okay? La la la la la, sweepin' the floor for eternity, la la la la la) If he wasn't, it would be interesting to see where he ended up. ************************************************************************ Cloud didn't need this. He was in the middle of a fight with a group of monsters, when Tifa had bumped into him, causing him to drop his sword. He ran for it, but the monster was faster. It jumped on his back, and started to stab him with its claws. Tifa ran over and started to try to tug it off. Cloud almost had his sword; it was just out of reach. "Dammit. Get off me you piece of shit!" he exclaimed as the monster ripped a hole in his clothes and scratched at his back, causing him to bleed. He caught his sword and used it to pry off the monster. The second it fell off, he ran at it and stabbed it through. The monster had a split second to scream before Cloud threw it off his sword and tossed it to Tifa, who gave it such a beating that if it had children, they were feeling it right now. They disposed of the body by throwing it in a dumpster. "We gotta get better security for this house," Cloud muttered. They had been living in Nibelhiem for the past year, in the same house. Cloud didn't know what had happened to the others, but he guessed that they had returned to their hometowns to settle down. "Damn straight," Tifa muttered under her breath. She walked over to the kitchen to get something to eat after her workout. She couldn't believe that a monster had wandered into the town and nobody had noticed. They were both kind of pissed off. Tifa started to walk out of the kitchen, and Cloud was about to flop onto the bed, when two portals opened up out of nowhere. They both went straight into them. They were somehow in the same portal passage, rushing by walls that burned crimson red. They both still had their weapons, so they were prepared. "Well, let's see where this thing goes to!" Cloud shouted over to Tifa. ************************************************************************ Duo really couldn't stand it. He had been in a training session with Wufei in Gundam battling when Wufei had severed Deathscythe's arm. That would take a lot of money to get repaired. "You ass! It's a training session! Not a real battle!" Duo shouted over to him as they got out of their Gundams. "Sorry. I didn't mean it. I went a little overboard. Sorry," he said. "A LITTLE overboard? You chopped its freakin' arm off! How the hell am I gonna pay for that?" Duo shot back angrily at him. "I'll chip in for the repairs. Don't get so uppity," Wufei said from across the room. "That's it. I'm gonna beat the crap out of you!" Duo shouted as he ran at Wufei. Wufei responded by rushing at him. Just as they were about to slam into each other, two portals opened up in front of them. They ran right into them. "Oh, that's just fucking great! Now I'm going somewhere I don't even know. FUCK!" he shouted. He noticed Wufei was beside him. "Well, at least I can beat you up after where out of this thing," he glared at Wufei menacingly. ************************************************************************ Goku was starting to get pissed. Vegeta kept dodging his attacks. He never seemed to have an opening. He jumped and shot multiple bursts of energy at Vegeta. Vegeta just flew around them all. He then flew up to Goku and punched him in the face. "Give up yet, Kakkarot?" Vegeta said. "Damn you!" Goku growled as he flew up and unleashed a flurry of attacks from every direction. One actually hit Vegeta, and it caused him to fall back into a shower of punches. I'm starting to gain some ground, Goku thought. Maybe I can finish him. Vegeta just kept on coming back, seeming to have an endless supply of energy. He never seemed to tire. "Heh. You are weaker than I expected. Come on, give some effort. Maybe you can overcome me," Vegeta laughed at his remark. Goku flew into a rage. He lunged at Vegeta, and Vegeta did the same. A couple of seconds before they collided, two portals opened up and they went right into them. Goku had a bewildered look on his face as he was speeding through the portal. He saw Vegeta next to him. "What the- you to? All right let's see if these walls aren't as harmful as they look when you slam your head against it," Goku said. "I suggest we stop our quarreling for now, and see what is at the end of this tunnel," Vegeta replied hastily. "Hmmm.....fine. But if it's nothing serious, we'll resume our quarrel," Goku replied. ************************************************************************ Tenchi couldn't take it anymore. Ryoko and Ayeka were fighting over him again. He worried for the safety of the other people living in his house. They could destroy the whole house if they wanted to or weren't careful. "How dare you touch Lord Tenchi like that!" Ayeka said in an angry tone. "Oh, come on. He liked it. Didn't you Tenchi?" Ryoko said, facing him. "Well, uh.yeah...I mean." said Tenchi, stuttering in fright. He thought back to what had started the fight. He had been walking down the hall, and Ryoko was also. She had "accidentally" bumped into him, grabbing his crotch the same moment. Ayeka had seen this and had grown steadily more angry until the fight ensued. "Told you," Ryoko spat at Ayeka. "If you had been listening, you would have noticed he was stuttering, which means he can't think straight at the moment, which means he didn't enjoy it!" Ayeka shot back. "Oh, yeah. That suits your book. You just think that!" Ryoko said. Ayeka tensed up. Tenchi saw a small fizzle of energy as she activated her forcefield. Ryoko charged up an energy blast. They looked at each other for a second, angry glares that literally made sparks appear out of nowhere. The next second they heard a thud in the next room. Ayeka dropped her shield, and Ryoko stopped charging. They all heard a groan, followed by a "Oh, man," from a male voice they didn't recognize. All three of them walked into the living room, and on the floor was a 16-year old boy, with blonde hair that reached a little below the top of his neck. He also had glasses, which were lying next to him on the floor. They all stared dumbfounded at the sight of a new person in the house. ************************************************************************ The portal ended as soon as it began. Chris had just enough time to see a hardwood floor rush up to his face before he hit it. His glasses fell off, skidding to the side. He let out a groan, followed by an "Oh, man." He heard some people enter. He just lay there for a second, then got up and dusted himself off. The sight that met him nearly made him drop dead. Three people were looking at him. One was a teenage male with black hair and skinny build. Another had cyan hair, was female, and was floating in midair. The last one had purple hair, and was also female, and seemed the most bewildered of the lot. He instantly recognized them as Tenchi, Ryoko, and Ayeka from the Tenchi Muyo TV show. He looked at them for a second, trying to avoid Ryoko, because when he was on the Internet before this whole fiasco, he was inspecting a nude photo of her. He let out a surprised, "Holy shit!" before his eyes went wide. Ryoko was surprised at the visitor's reaction. He inspected them slowly, and every time his eyes went by Ryoko, he seemed to have a glint in his eye. His eyes went wide and he let out a, "Holy shit!" before inspecting the house around him and walking off. Ryoko stopped him as he was walking toward one of the doors. "And what the hell do you think your doing?" she asked him in a questioning tone. "Look, Ryoko. I don't want any trouble here. So can you let me by?" he said. Tenchi, Ayeka, and Ryoko gasped when the stranger said Ryoko's name as if he knew her already. "Oh, right. You don't know me. Sorry. I'm Chris. One second I was at my house, then a portal opened up out of nowhere and I ended up here," he said to them. There was a long silence. Ayeka broke it by saying, "Well, what are you going to do? Just stand there and look at us?" she said. "Actually, I was just going to leave. Sorry," he said and turned away. "Wait!" Tenchi said. Chris turned. "Ayeka, don't do that. You could have offered for him to stay," Tenchi said. Ayeka hung her head. "You can stay here if you want," he said. "No. I imagine you don't have enough space for me in this house. So I think it's better if I go," he said. "No, no," Tenchi said. "We have a spare room. You can stay there," he said. "Really? Okay.." he took out his wallet, still there even after interdimensional travel. He took out some 5-dollar bills. He had much more, 1000 dollars, in fact, but he offered only 15 dollars. He was a little cheap. Plus he didn't want to waste his money. "I only have American money, can you accept that?" he asked. "Sure!" Tenchi said. He then added, "You come from America? You speak Japanese well for an American," he said. "Japanese? I'm talking plain old English, not Japanese," he said. They all looked at each other bewildered; taking in that they somehow could understand each other by some unknown power. They heard three more thuds, one in Tenchi's room, another outside, and another in the women's bath. "More people?" Ryoko said. "Okay, Tenchi, you take your room, I'll take the women's bath, and Ayeka can see who's outside. Chris, you can follow whoever you want," Chris immediately followed Ryoko. She gave him a quick glance, to make sure he didn't have a smile on his face or something. He did. "Don't go getting any ideas, now," she warned him. "Yeah, I know. You like Tenchi and nobody else. Anybody who hurts him is dead," he replied nonchalantly. Ryoko looked at him, wondering how he knew her deepest feelings. Was he psychic or something? They walked to the women's bath and opened the door. Tenchi wondered what the hell just happened. A person had just dropped into his house and instantly known Ryoko's name. Oh well, he thought. It's not like he wasn't used to people just appearing at his house. He sighed and opened his bedroom door. Ayeka just didn't get it. A man had just appeared in their house. He seemed to know them. She really couldn't believe it. She pushed open the front door and stepped outside. *********************************************************************** Cloud fell onto dewy grass, and Tifa landed on top of him. She got up off of him, and he stayed on the ground for a second, and finally got up with a groan. His sword weighed him down, so it took a minute. "Hey, there's a house over there," Tifa said, pointing. "Yeah, let's see where the hell we've gotten to," Cloud said. At that moment, a purple haired woman stepped outside and stared at them. "And who might you be?" she asked. "Well, uh, I'm Cloud, and she's Tifa. Can you tell us where the hell we are?" said Cloud in an annoyed tone. "You are at the Masaki residence in Okayama, Japan. I am Ayeka. The only reason that I'm so suspicious is because another man just dropped into our house, and we don't think you and the other man are our only visitors," Ayeka responded. "Well, ain't that a bitch. Okay, I guess we should be off," Tifa said. "No, no. You are welcome to stay here," Ayeka replied hastily. "Thanks," Cloud said. They walked into the house. ************************************************************************ "Aw, crap. I landed on someone's bed. Friggin' bedpost hittin' me off the head," he muttered. "No crap," Wufei said, who had connected with the floor. "Where the hell are we anyway?" At that moment, a teenage boy walked in. He stared at them, not moving. His eyes moved from Duo on the bed to Wufei on the floor. "And who might you be?" he asked. "Uh, I'm Duo Maxwell, and that over there is Wufei. Sorry about being in what I guess is your room. One minute we were in a training room, the next minute we were in here," he said. "Yeah, we got another guy downstairs, and I don't think it's just you three. There might be more," he replied. "By the way, my name's Tenchi," "All right, let's see who else is here," Wufei said, getting up. "Okay. Do you guys have money?" Tenchi said. "Yeah," said Duo, "Why?" "If you wanna live hear, you gotta pay. For the food to," said Tenchi. They walked downstairs. ************************************************************************ Goku had landed on a hard stone floor. "Ow, fuck!" he said. The next second Vegeta was next to him. They heard a female scream. They looked up and saw a rather tan woman with blonde hair bathing in a tub right next to them. "Oh, sorry," Goku said. He covered his eyes. "Excuse us, but where the hell are we?" asked Vegeta, averting his gaze. "You're in Okayama, Japan at the Masaki residence," a female voice replied, different from the one that screamed. They looked up and saw a woman with cyan hair looking at them. A male head peeked out from behind. The woman screamed again because of the new male visitor. "Oh, Mihoshi, stop. You're going to scare everybody out of their skin. Don't worry, Chris here is okay. You see, he ain't looking at you. He's just like Tenchi. Wait a sec, why do you do that?" she asked. "Kindness," the male replied. "She might think better of me if I respect her," "Oh, okay," she said, thinking that that might be why Tenchi does the same thing. "Anyway, my name's Ryoko, and this here fellow is Chris," Ryoko said. "You probably aren't the only visitors here now. Chris here has also just dropped in. How's about telling us your names?" "I'm Goku, and he's Vegeta," Goku said. "How's about we go downstairs now?" Ryoko said. They all walked out leaving a startled Mihoshi behind. ************************************************************************ They all met downstairs in the living room. Chris seemed to know them all. He was wide-eyed, staring at them all. "Well, how we gonna fit seven more people into this house?" Ryoko asked. "We won't." Ayeka said. "Three of you can take the guest room upstairs, two can take the living room floor, and the other two will have to take the Masaki shrine," "Sounds good to me," Chris said. "I guess we'll have to flip a coin to decide who goes where. The first three winners will go to the room, the next two will take the floor, and the last two get the shrine." They followed his suggestion. Chris, Goku, and Vegeta got the guestroom. Duo and Wufei got the living room floor. And Cloud and Tifa ended up with the shrine. After the people that weren't sleeping in the room got sleeping bags, they tried to find out how they all got there. Ryoko suddenly got an idea. "Wait here," she said, which was followed by, "Washu!" Ryoko went into the lab, and came out fifteen minutes later with Washu. She looked at them all. "Well, aren't we an interesting bunch. I'm sorry to say, that even the greatest scientist in the universe doesn't have an interdimensional transporter yet that could transport all these people and still not destroy every parallel universe in existence," she said. "I can only transport objects, not living things," "Well, then can you work on something that has a hundred percent chance of transporting us back?" Chris asked; but he didn't intend on leaving so soon. "Yes, but even with my mind it could take a while, my guess is four months, at least," Washu replied. Chris turned around to the other people and gave a grin, then turned around with a normal expression. "Okay, I guess we got to wait. Hold on, you said you can transport objects between dimensions? Can you transport some stuff of mine here?" he asked. "Sure, but let me just run some tests on you six," she motioned toward the men. "Why not her?" Duo asked, pointing to Tifa. "She's female, and Cloud here is from the same dimension, so any instabilities in his dimension go the same for her," she replied. Chris had an extremely bad feeling. "So come on, if you want stuff for yourselves," she said. "I'll call you in for whatever you want when I'm done with them," she said to Tifa. "Sure," she responded. The boys stepped into the lab. "This is going to be interesting," said Tenchi. Thirty minutes later, they all emerged. Chris just looked bewildered, holding a small stereo, some CDs, and a guitar. Cloud looked pale, carrying three glowing orbs. He inserted them into his sword and walked off. Goku looked like nothing had happened. He held a picture, a punching bag, and some food. Vegeta and Wufei were frowning. Vegeta had nothing; Wufei just had some food also. Duo was smiling, holding a magazine and some food. They probably figured that the Masakis didn't exactly have food to feed that many people. Duo and Wufei stayed, while the rest of them went to their respective sleeping areas to get everything ready for later in the day. Duo turned to Tenchi. "So far I've seen three women in this house. Who else ya got?" "There's Mihoshi, a galaxy police officer, Sasami, Ayeka's little sister, and Kiyone, Mihoshi's partner," Tenchi responded. "Damn, you're in heaven," Duo said. "Not really. Ryoko and Ayeka fight over me every second of the day, and they nearly destroy the house every time. I can't stand it," Tenchi replied. "Lucky bastard. Do you know that every man in the world would commit genocide to be in your situation? They'd also worship Satan while they're at it," Duo told him. Suddenly, loud music blared out of the upstairs guestroom. Goku and Vegeta both came down the stairs. "What the hell is happening up there?" Tenchi asked them. "He kicked us out, and then that music started," Goku said. Ryoko walked in, looking at the ceiling. "What the fuck is going on up there? I'm gonna take a look up there," She flew up through the ceiling and ended up on the stairway. The music was blaring, almost deafening her. She flew up through the ceiling, so he wouldn't notice her. She went down through the ceiling, and saw him, seeming to be asleep. She looked around for an empty CD case. She found it, and it was entitled, "Take Off Your Pants and Jacket" She stared at him, seeming to be asleep. She tapped his shoulder. ************************************************************************ Chris jolted awake, and saw Ryoko hovering over him. He never expected that. "Yeah, what is it?" he said nonchalantly, as if he expected her to be there. "Can ya turn down the music? It's kinda loud," she shouted. "All right," he reached over and turned down the music. "I guess I'll go downstairs, introduce myself to whoever else hasn't seen me," he reached over and turned off the stereo. They walked downstairs. As they walked into the kitchen, Sasami looked up from something she was cooking. She saw Chris and stared at him. "Who's this?" she asked. "Chris, dropped in from another dimension. Bunch of other people, too. They're gonna have to stay here for four months at least. Don't worry, they brought some food with them, so you won't have to worry for a while," Ryoko told her. "Oh, nice to meet you, Chris," she reached out her hand and shook his. "Yeah, hi Sasami," he replied. "Hold on a sec, is that chicken you're cooking?" "Yes. I get it very rarely, and I don't know any good recipes for it, so it never turns out really good," Sasami replied. "I know one. Ya got eggs and bread crumbs?" Chris asked. "As a matter of fact, we do. So, what's the recipe?" she replied. "Here, I'll show you," Chris said walking over. "All right, I'll leave you two alone to cook," Ryoko floated away saying. Two minutes later, Sasami and Chris were both cooking like pros. "Eggs!" Chris shouted. Sasami threw an egg over her shoulder, followed by another one. Chris caught them with ease, and cracked them over a bowl, and then threw in milk, salt, and pepper, and then mixed them in together. "Bread crumbs!" he shouted. Sasami threw a small box of breadcrumbs over her shoulder. Chris opened it and poured some on a plate. This was followed by several rounds of taking a piece of chicken, dipping it into the egg mix, and covering it with breadcrumbs. "Okay, what else ya got to cook?" Chris asked. "Well, some soup," Sasami responded. "I got no profession there, so I'll leave it to you," he said, walking out of the room. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, Chris!" she shouted after him. Ryoko was wondering why a bunch of people had dropped into the house. She really didn't know them yet; it had only been about an hour. But from what she gathered, the only ones that could be a pain would be that Vegeta guy and the dude that squinted a lot, what was his name, Wufei. All the others were okay. But Chris seemed too much like Tenchi. She wondered if he was exactly like him. Then she could prove to herself that not all men are shy like Tenchi. She smiled to herself. Yes, she would subject them both to tests, see how they reacted. That would be interesting. Then the call for dinner came. ************************************************************************ Ayeka just sat in her room thinking. An hour ago, it had been her and Ryoko arguing. Now a bunch of people had dropped into the house. She was confused about it. Even Washu didn't have a device that could do that. She then shifted her mind to the matter of how they would support more people. Then she heard Sasami call for dinner. As the many people in the household, except Washu, who almost never left her lab, and Vegeta, who said he could survive without food for a year, gathered at the table, they all tried to strike up a conversation. They were unsuccessful, and were silent most of the time. When they finished the dinner, they all got up, and they all decided to go to sleep. They all went to their sleeping areas, all thinking what the hell they were going to do until they went home. Chris woke up the next morning what he would do. He went downstairs, and asked Mihoshi where the men's bath was. She didn't seem to mind his presence. Kinda fast, he thought. When he approached the doorway of the men's bath he saw all the guys gathered around it, and for the first time he saw Yosho, standing there looking at all the new people. "Another one?" Yosho said. "Yeah, he's Chris," Tenchi said. "Lemme guess, you're arguing over who's gonna take a bath in there first? I say you compete with another paper-rocks- scissors," Chris told them. They did this, Tenchi, Yosho, and Wufei ended up being first, followed by Cloud, Goku, and Vegeta, then it was Chris and Duo. By the time Chris got in, he had already eaten breakfast. The water was hot, but he got used to it in a few minutes. Duo swore the first time he tried to get in because of the heat. "So, what the hell were you doin' before you got here?" Chris asked Duo. "Fightin' Wufei," Duo said. "Really? I was yellin' at my brother," Chris replied. "Yeah, I was about to bash his face in," Duo said. "Hey, I'm gonna get out of here," "Yeah, sure. Just leave the door a tad open, `kay?" Chris said. "Sure, whatever," Duo said, walking out. Chris almost fell asleep in the bath. He was closing his eyes and thinking. He remembered that when Tenchi walked out of the bath, after Yosho and Wufei, he was wide-eyed, and was walking sort of oddly, shuffling, sort of. He wondered what the hell happened there. He didn't ask him. He would when he got out. This is some scary shit, though, he thought. You don't just end up in another dimension, especially one where you would have wanted to live all your life. It was just to fucked up. He got out, stepping out, being careful not to slip on fall on his ass. That floor is scewed up, he thought, after regaining his balance by smacking against the wall. He saw the rest of the guys hanging around the living room. He got dressed and joined them. "So you finally decided to get out of there," Goku said. "Hey, I take long baths," Chris retorted. "I'm only worried about how I'm going to keep training," Vegeta said. "My grandpa is a rather skilled swordsman. He could help," Tenchi said. "Hey, that's an idea. We got a bunch of people skilled in many areas. We could train each other," Cloud said. "I dunno, when could we do it?' Wufei said. "We could go now. I have to train now anyway. You just need to tell me what you can train, and then we could do this," Tenchi said. "Hand-to-hand combat," Goku and Vegeta said simultaneously. "Swords," Cloud said. "Marksmanship," Duo said. "Same as Duo," Wufei said. "Uh, I'm just kind of smart," Chris said. "All right then. Grandpa and I can help Cloud here with sword training. I suppose it's the only good thing to pass time," Tenchi said. "Hey, isn't that girl you came with a martial artist also?" he said to Cloud. "Yeah, I'll go get her," Cloud said, getting up. "Okay, let's go. Just follow me and I'll tell Yosho everything," Tenchi said. ************************************************************************ When Yosho heard this, he quickly agreed. He also seemed to want some training. He seemed to be really into it. "Okay, we'll all take sword practice first, then hand-to-hand, and lastly marksmanship. I'm going to have to make some more bokken," Yosho said. This started a daily routine where all the men trained, teaching each other different techniques. In the first swords class, there was an argument about wether they should use Cloud's or Yosho's sword style. They ended up deciding to merge the two, combining the evasive techniques of Yosho and the sheer strength of Cloud's. The four months went by fast, but they all had excellent training in all areas of combat. They were all practically killing machines. The day before they were to leave, Chris walked into the living room, and once again saw all the guys sitting there. "Guess what. I got us a nice thing planned," he said. "What?" they all said in unison. "A boy's night out. No interuptions by women, except maybe a barmaid or two. I already discussed it with the girls. Since we're leaving, they plan to stay here and have their own party. Sasami got all giddy about it. And don't worry about money. Washu converted all of mine to yen," Chris informed them. They all started to talk excitedly. When it was nearing evening, all the men got ready. Not that it took long, because it was casual. Washu gave them a small beeper to page Ryo-ohki when they needed to come home. "Get ready, boys, cause it's time to party!" Chris shouted as they entered Tokyo. You like? Or does it fucking suck ass? My e-mail is ARAMUSIEWICZ@worldnet.att.net Later chapters will contain some lemon elements, as a warning to some.