*
    "She doesn't get eaten by the eels," the grandfather said.
    "What?" the grandson asked confused.
    "I was explaining to you because you pissed all over yourself and wet
the
bed," the grandfather said.  The boy looked down and realized that his
sheets
were soaking wet.
    "OK, so maybe I was a little, concerned," the boy admitted as he slipped
out of his bed and went to his closet to get a clean pair of pajamas, "but
that's not the same thing."
The grandfather looked at him doubtfully as he stripped the bed and tossed
the wet sheets into a corner of the room.  The boy put clean sheets on his
bed and snuggled under the covers.  The grandfather began to read again.
*
As the eels closed in on Aeka, Sasami picked up a large, space laser and
blasted the eels, killing them all in a matter of seconds.  Tenchi grabbed
the collar of Aeka's space suit and pulled her back into the ship.
"I suppose you think you're brave," Kiyone sneered.
"Only compared to some," Aeka answered.  A short time later, the ship
entered
Earth's atmosphere.
"Hey," Tenchi said, "you remember that ship that was following us?  Well,
he's right on top of us."
"Whoever he is, he's too late!" Kiyone laughed viciously.  "Seeeee," she
pointed out the front window of the ship, "the Cliffs of Insanity!  Move
that
thing!  And that other thing!" Kiyone ordered.  Aeka looked and saw the
cliffs rising at a sharp vertical angle toward the sky.  She wondered how
they would possibly make it to the top.
Tenchi landed the ship and the five of them filed out.  Tenchi pulled a
harness down over Aeka and attached it to Sasami.  As he did this, he
casually let his hands stray and pinched Aeka's butt.
"What do you think you're doing?" Aeka demanded indignantly.
"Un, nothing," Tenchi turned away, wiping the blood from his nose.
"You've been a naughty boy," Sasami told him.
"Yes, I have.  I'll stop being naughty," Tenchi replied, his face flushed
red.
Ryo Ohki, once again, took her place on the small girl's head.  Tenchi and
Kiyone both grabbed on to one of Sasami's long pigtails as the girl reached
for a rope and began climbing up the face of the cliffs.  Tenchi glanced
down
and saw that the other ship had landed.  A mysterious stranger, dressed
entirely in black, was climbing the rope.
"He's climbing the rope, and he's gaining on us," Tenchi said.
"Inconceivable!" Kiyone declared.  "Faster!" she shouted at Sasami.  "You
were supposed to be this great thing,  a little girl with the strength of
ten
men, and yet he gains!"
"Well," Sasami explained, "I'm carrying three people and a cabbit, he has
only himself."
"I don't accept excuses," Kiyone snapped.  The man in black continued to
climb the rope.  At last Sasami reached the top of the cliff.  Kiyone
grabbed
a knife and began cutting the rope.  She severed the strings that kept the
stranger from falling down into the sea below the cliffs.  They peered over
the edge of the cliff.  The stranger's masked face looked up at them.
"He didn't fall!  Inconceivable!"  Kiyone yelled.
"Are you sure that word means what you think it means?" Tenchi questioned.
They watched as the stranger slowly began to climb up the steep face of the
cliffs.
"Whoever he is," Kiyone began, "he's seen us with the princess and must die.
Sasami, carry the princess.  Tenchi, if he makes it to the top, kill him."
"I'll have to do him left handed," Tenchi said.
"We're in a hurry, we don't have time for that kind of thing," Kiyone said
impatiently.
"It's the only way I can be satisfied," Tenchi explained, "if I use my right
hand, it's over too quickly."
 "Well, you'll have to do it on your own time!"  Tenchi's face turned a deep
red.
"No," he protested, "that wasn't what I meant.  I meant I'll have to fight
him left handed."
"Whatever," Kiyone said as she stormed off, motioning for Sasami to follow
with Aeka.
Tenchi looked over the side of the cliff at the stranger.  "Hello," he
called.  The stranger looked up at him.  "Do you suppose you could hurry up
a
little?"
"Look," the stranger replied, "this isn't as easy as it looks, so shut up!"
"I would offer to help you, but I'm supposed to kill you when you reach the
top," Tenchi said.
"That does put a damper on our relationship," the stranger admitted.
"I promise I won't kill you until you reach the top.  I give you my word as
a
man."
"No good," the stranger answered, "I've known too many men."
"Isn't there any way you trust me?"
"Let me think…No."
Tenchi said solemnly, "I swear on the soul of my grandfather, Yosho Masaki,
you will reach the top alive."
"Throw me the rope," the stranger agreed.
When the man in black had reached the top, while he rested, Tenchi asked
him,
"I don't mean to pry, but you don't happen to have a pi symbol anywhere on
you?"
The stranger slowly shook his head.  "Is this how you always begin
conversations?" he asked.
"My grandfather was slaughtered by a man with a pi symbol on his hat.  He
was
a great sword maker, my grandfather.  When the pi man appeared and requested
a special sword, my grandfather took the job.  He spent a year before it was
done."  Tenchi handed the sword to the man in black.  "Its name is
Tenchiken," he said.
The stranger admired the weapon and asked, "Do all men name their swords?"
"No, but I do," Tenchi replied.  Then he continued, "The pi man returned and
demanded it, but at one tenth its promised price.  My grandfather refused.
Without a word, the pi man slashed him through the heart.  I love my
grandfather, so naturally I challenged his murderer to a dual.  I failed.
The pi man left me alive, but he gave me this."  Tenchi turned his face
first
to the right and then to the left, revealing a long, white scar on either
side of his face.
"How old were you?" the man in black asked.
 "I was eleven years old.  When I was strong enough, I dedicated my life to
the study of fencing, so the next time we meet, I will not fail.  I will go
up to the pi man and say, 'Hello.  My name is Tenchi Masaki.  You killed my
grandfather.  Prepare to die."
The stranger stood up.
"Are you ready to fight now?" Tenchi asked.
"Well, what the fuck, you've been more than fair," the stranger answered.
He
brought forth a light sword from his hand.  The two began to dual fiercely.
Both were expert swordsmen, both fought with their left hands.  At length,
Tenchi began to smile.
"Why the hell are you so happy?" the stranger asked him.
"Because I know something you don't know," Tenchi said.  "I'm not left
handed."  He switched the sword to his right hand and instantly gained an
advantage over his opponent.  When it looked as though Tenchi had won, the
stranger began to smile.
"I have to tell you something," he said, "I'm not left handed either."   The
man in black retracted the light sword in his left hand and brought forth
another one in his right.
"Who are you?" Tenchi asked, "I want to know."
"It's good to want things," the man in black replied tauntingly.
The dual continued, until the stranger had brought Tenchi to his knees.
 "Kill me quickly," Tenchi said.
"Well," the man in black considered this request, "I would sooner destroy a
fine bottle of sake than an artist like yourself.  But I can't have you
following me, so I'll just knock you out instead." He struck Tenchi over the
head with his light sword and dashed off in pursuit of the princess.
In the distance, Kiyone, Sasami, Ryo Ohki and Aeka saw that the man in black
had won the dual.
"He didn't die!  Inconceivable!" Kiyone yelled.  She turned to Sasami,
"Finish him," she ordered.
"How?" Sasami questioned.
"Meow," Ryo Ohki chimed in.
Kiyone sighed beginning to lose patience, "Your way!  Pick up that stone and
hide behind a rock.  In a minute, the man in black will come running around
the corner, when his head appears, hit it with the rock!"  Kiyone grabbed
Aeka by the hand a stormed off with the princess.
"My way doesn't sound very nice," Sasami said.
"Meow," Ryo Ohki agreed.
 A few minutes later, the stranger appeared.  From behind a rock, Sasami
threw a large stone just barely missing the stranger's head.  The man in
black turned and brought forth a light sword.  Sasami appeared from behind
the rock, holding another stone in her hand, with Ryo Ohki on her head.
"I didn't have to miss," Sasami said.
"You threw that rock?  You're just a kid!  You're not big enough to throw
like that.  And what the hell is that thing on your head?" the man in black
asked.
Ryo Ohki hissed.
"That's my cabbit, Ryo Ohki," Sasami answered, "and you know, it's not the
size that matters, but what you do with it."
"Are you even old enough to know what that means?" the stranger questioned
caustically.
Sasami ignored that question and said, "Anyway, I didn't kill you back there
because I didn't think that was a fair fight.  I think we should fight each
other as God intended."
"You mean," the man in black asked, "I put down my sword and you put down
your rock and we try to kill each other like civilized people?"
Sasami nodded.  The stranger retracted his sword and Sasami dropped her
rock.
 Ryo Ohki jumped off Sasami's head and perched on a nearby rock to watch.
The two circled each other, both of them ready to pounce at any moment.
Finally, Sasami lunged at the man in black, pinning him to the ground.  The
stranger attempted to toss Sasami aside, but the small girl put her hands
around the stranger's neck, slowly choking his life away.  With his strength
fading, the man in black placed his hands on Sasami's waist began to tickle
her.  Sasami burst out laughing, her hands falling away from the stranger's
neck.  The stranger dropped the girl onto the ground, tore off one of her
shoes and tickled her foot.  Sasami screamed with laughter pounding her
fists
against the ground.  Tears streamed down her face.  Finally, she could not
laugh anymore and passed out.
"Meow!" Ryo Ohki cried.  She leapt off the rock and curled up beside her
unconscious mistress.
"Don't worry," the stranger reassured the cabbit, "she'll regain
consciousness very soon."  The man in black dashed off, once again tracking
the princess.
At last he came face to face with Kiyone.  In a clearing, Kiyone sat on a
rock with Aeka, blindfolded, beside her.  She held the point of a knife
against the princess's neck.  In front of them, two goblets had been placed
on another rock.  The stranger slowly approached them.