Standard disclaimer:
     I don't own these characters.  I am not these characters.  I
haven't met these characters, except for Washu (who has a
secondary lab in my coat closet) and Sasami (who helps my friend
with the cooking).  Don't sue me, don't yell at me, don't call me
by my middle name.





                      No Need for Dungeons



     Breathing shallowly, eyes squeezed shut, Tenchi fought
against the nausea and confusion that threatened to overcome him.
Finally mastering himself, Tenchi took a deep breath, gritted his
teeth, and forced himself more or less upright.  Ignoring the
pain, he slowly opened his eyes.  Around him, he saw his friends
in varying stages of recovery.  They appeared thankfully
uninjured.
     That's the last time I ride anything wilder than a
merry-go-round, Tenchi vowed silently.
     Just a few minutes ago--as near as he could tell, anyway--he
and his friends had been enjoying themselves at a local amusement
park.  Aside from a few catfights between Ryoko and Aeka, they
had all had fun the entire day.  Then as dusk approached and they
gathered to leave, Mihoshi spotted a new ride.  The ride was
about to open, and Sasami suggested that they hurry up to be the
first people to try it out.  The five girls eagerly pressed
forward, dragging a bemused Tenchi with them.
     There were a few people ahead of them in line, but Ryoko
"convinced" them to settle for second.  When the gate was
lowered, Sasami, full of childish enthusiasm as always, rushed to
jump in the first of the three cars, to be at the very front.
Unfortunately for her, Mihoshi mustered even more childish
enthusiasm and made it to the car first.  Ryoko quickly sailed in
to take the seat next to Mihoshi, much to Sasami's dismay.  Aeka
then clambered into the last car, making a show of sitting as far
from Ryoko as possible, and trying vainly to ignore Ryoko's
taunts and to appear as though she had wanted a rear seat from
the beginning.  Washu murmured something about seeing the front
through her daughter, and slid in next to Aeka.  Sasami and
Tenchi, as always, were stuck in the middle.
     As the shadows lengthened, Tenchi and the others sat
eagerly, feeling the motor hum to life beneath them.  Slowly they
began moving forward.  Then, as the sun dropped below the
horizon, the cars entered the tunnel.
     And something went wrong.
     No roller coaster was ever this horrible.  There was no
light, and no dark.  There was no up or down, in or out.
Tumbling through the liquid nothingness, they screamed vainly
into the deafening silence.  And now they were--they were . . .
     Where were they?

     After pondering that question for a few moments, Tenchi
decided it could wait.  The most important thing right now was to
get everyone together.  Once that was done, Washu could probably
figure out what was going on.
     Climbing unsteadily to his feet, Tenchi took the few shaky
steps needed to reach Sasami, who had not separated far from him
during the incident.  She was still lying on the ground, rather
dazed, so Tenchi knelt down beside her and carefully helped her
into a sitting position.  She gratefully accepted his support and
leaned against him, breathing heavily, substituting his strength
for her own.  After a few moments she pulled away, then looked up
at Tenchi and smiled in thanks.  He smiled back, then turned his
attention to the other girls.
     Ryoko was standing up, fully alert, looking none the worse
for wear.  But Tenchi could see the tightness in her face that
showed she had not fully shaken off the effects of the trip.
Mihoshi was sitting near her, looking around with the usual
perplexed expression on her face.  Other than confusion, she did
not seem to have suffered at all.  Tenchi marveled anew at this
uncanny ability of hers.
     Aeka was sitting on the ground, perfectly composed.  But it
was apparent that she, too, was masking her discomfort.  A few
feet away, Washu was lying on her back, arms crossed, staring
upward thoughtfully, as if pondering whether getting up was worth
the effort.  Apparently it was, for as Tenchi watched, she pulled
her feet under her and pushed herself up, then began studying
their surroundings intently.
     They were in a small clearing in what looked like a very
thick forest.  A well-trampled path led into the clearing and out
again on the other side.  From the ring of stones and pile of
ashes in the center, it was obvious that this place had been used
more than once as a campsite.
     There were several wooded areas near the amusement park, so
it was possible that they were still close to home.  It was
doubtful, though.  For one thing, the grass in the clearing was
an odd shade of green.  The trees of the forest didn't quite look
like any Tenchi knew.  Seated on a low branch, a squirrel--at
least, Tenchi thought it was a squirrel--gathered nuts that he
was fairly sure had never been seen on Iron Chef, not even when
Aeka and Ryoko had competed.
     Tenchi slowly stood, followed momentarily by Sasami.  "Is
everyone okay?" he called out.  Receiving affirmation, he
continued.  "Does anyone know where we are?"
     To that, people only shook their heads gravely as they
gathered near Tenchi.  "It's not Earth, I can tell you that,"
Washu stated.  "Beyond that, I have no idea.
     "Ryoko, why don't you fly up and take a look around?" she
suggested.
     Ryoko nodded and turned, preparing to take off.  After a
moment, her eyes widened in surprise and she looked down at her
body, as if she expected it to appear somehow different.
     "What is the problem, Ryoko-san?  Hurry up and go!" Aeka
said impatiently.
     Turning a stricken face to the group, Ryoko replied, "I
can't!  I can't fly!"
     Everyone was taken aback by this pronouncement.  Washu
recovered swiftly and stepped forward, a grim expression on her
face.  "Let's have a look."  She lifted her hands, and froze.
"My computer!" she cried fearfully.  "I can't access it!"
     "Your powers won't work here, I'm afraid," came a voice from
behind them.  Spinning around, they beheld a tiny, wizened old
man.  "You may call me Dungeon Master," he began.  "I am sure we
will see much of one another in the future.  You have a great
mission, you see."
     "Mission?" Sasami repeated.
     "What sort of mission?  What are we doing here?  Is this
your doing?  I demand an explanation!" Aeka ordered imperiously.
     Dungeon Master stood unruffled.  "All in good time, my lady.
For now, in lieu of your own powers, please accept these.
     "For you, ranger, a bow."  Tenchi suddenly found himself
holding just that, although it came with neither string nor
quiver.
     "A hat for the magician."  Washu lifted it off her head and
looked at it disdainfully.
     "You could at least have made it look a little more
western," she muttered.  Dungeon Master ignored her.
     "The cavalier gets a shield."  Mihoshi blinked in surprise,
then her face lit up as she admired her newest accessory.
     "For the barbarian, a club."  Sasami stared at her weapon in
shock.
     "I'm a barbarian!?" she asked incredulously.  "Why do I have
to be the barbarian?"
     Dungeon Master went on.  "A javelin for the acrobat, and a
cloak for the thief," he finished.
     Ryoko leered at Aeka.  "Thief, hmm?  Sounds like he knows
what he's talking about, little princess."
     Aeka shook with anger, then calmed herself and smiled
smugly.  "Hm!  Acrobat is perfect for someone who turns as many
'tricks' as you."
     "What did you say?"  Ryoko and Aeka glared at each other
poisonously, then grabbed each other's hands and pushed, each
trying to force the other back.
     Almost instantly, Ryoko tumbled backwards.  Aeka blinked
twice, then put her hand to her mouth and began laughing.  "At
last we see how weak you truly are, Ryoko-san."
     Washu shook her head.  "She's too used to holding back her
full strength.  Without her powers, that'll get her killed."
     Meanwhile, Ryoko was jumping up.  "Why you!" she growled,
and charged forward, barrelling into Aeka.  Completely unprepared
for the impact, Aeka was sent sprawling.  "I've still got more
than enough strength for you, little princess!" she spat.
     Aeka climbed back to her feet, murder in her eyes.  Just
then, a huge crash grabbed everybody's attention.  Sasami stood,
angrily brandishing her club, with a not-insignificant dent in
the ground in front of her.
     "Stop it!" she yelled.  "Until we get back home, we have to
stick together.  We're all we've got.  Fighting each other isn't
going to help!"
     Glancing pointedly at the hole in the ground, Washu cocked
an eyebrow.  "Maybe 'barbarian' wasn't so far off the mark after
all."  Realizing what she had done, Sasami blushed and giggled
weakly.
     Tenchi smiled.  "Sasami-chan is right.  We need to work
together, not fight amongst ourselves."  He turned to Dungeon
Master, who had been silently watching the proceedings.  "What do
we have to do to get home?"
     "It's simple," Dungeon Master replied.  "You must defeat the
wizard Venger and the dragon Tiamat."
     "Oh, is that all?"  Ryoko stalked forward.  "Well in case
you didn't notice, we don't have our powers!  I can't fly, I
can't teleport, my strength's gone.  All I have is this stupid
bo--"
     "Javelin," Dungeon Master corrected.
     "I don't care what you call it!" Ryoko retorted.  "We're all
effectively crippled, and we're stuck in this alien world with
these weapons we've never even used.  And we're just supposed to
knock off this wizard and this dragon.  How the #@*$ do you think
we're going to do that?"
     "I said it was simple, I did not say that it would be easy,"
Dungeon Master pointed out.  "If you truly desire to return to
your own world, you will find a way."
     "Um, I have an idea," Mihoshi offered.
     Tenchi turned.  "What is it, Mihoshi-san?"
     Mihoshi brightened.  "Let's stop for dinner!"
     Tenchi started to argue, then realized how hungry he was.
With a sigh, he relented.  "It's getting dark anyway.  Let's make
camp for the night and then set out tomorrow morning."

     Once Dungeon Master had explained the functions of their
various items, Washu had quickly produced an iron pot from her
hat.  That pot was now hanging over a bright campfire, an
impromptu soup bubbling happily therein.  Nothing had been
available for the soup except some fruits, nuts, and roots that
Sasami had managed to find, plus a few promising herbs, but it
already smelled wonderful.  Arranged in a circle about the
campfire were crude bedrolls formed from blankets, also courtesy
of Washu.  Unfortunately, she could not control the hat well
enough to manage anything more refined.
     Mihoshi sat close to the fire, eagerly watching as Sasami
tended the soup.  Ryoko and Aeka sat on either side of Tenchi,
bickering.  They didn't have a reason this time; they were just
bored.  A short distance away, Washu sat with Dungeon Master,
absorbed in conversation.  During a lull in the bickering, some
of their words came to Tenchi's ears.
     "--which is why it should be called a bo, 'Mission Master'."
     "Dungeon Master.  But what you don't seem to realize about
the weapon is that . . . "
     Tenchi shook his head slowly, then lifted his gaze to the
stars overhead, glittering brightly in their unfamiliar
constellations.  But for this one reminder, he might almost
believe that they had not even left home.  Softly he smiled.
It looked like they were off on another adventure.  He supposed
it was time for one.  After all, they had managed to go almost
two weeks without any major incident.
     Tomorrow, he told himself.  Tomorrow they would set out on
their quest.
     It almost felt like a story.

                          *     *     *

     They set out early the next morning, following the path that
Dungeon Master had indicated.  Before they had gone far, Sasami
urgently called out for everyone to stop.  "Ryoko-oneechan's not
here!" she cried.
     Startled, they turned back down the path.  But almost
immediately they heard the frantic sound of running footsteps,
and hesitated.  They sighed in relief when Ryoko appeared from
around a bend in the path.  Seeing the group waiting, Ryoko
relaxed and sauntered up.
     Aeka was the first to speak.  "Ryoko-san!  Please endeavor
to keep up with us from now forward!  We cannot always wait for
you!"
     "Sorry," Ryoko replied with a grin.  "Unlike some people,
I'm not used to relying on weapons.  I forgot my bo."
     "Javelin," Washu corrected her.
     Ryoko stared, astonished.  "I thought you agreed that it was
a bo!"
     "He argued me down," Washu said.  "That guy really knows his
stuff.  It is a javelin after all."
     "What!?  How could you possibly call this a javelin?"
     "It would take too long to explain.  Let's just say, if
nothing else, that it'd be too confusing otherwise.  With a bow
and a bo in the same group, everything would get all mixed up.
The names are just too similar."
     Ryoko protested.  "But we're Japanese!  We don't even call
it a bow.  We say 'yumi'."
     "Maybe so, but this fanfic's being written in English.  How
many Americans know what a yumi is?"
     "If this story's being written, then the readers can tell
the difference between 'bow' and 'bo' by the spelling."
     "Don't give me any lip, girl!"  Washu was fed up.  "I still
have that videotape, you know."
     Taken aback, Ryoko finally relented, ungraciously.  "Fine,
whatever!" she said.
     "What was that?" Washu asked, holding up a video cassette.
     Ryoko make a strangled noise in her throat.  "Yes, 'Mom',"
she said through gritted teeth.  "You're right as always."
     Washu smiled.  "Good girl!  Now let's get going."

     They had been walking through the forest for about an hour,
and ignoring Mihoshi's suggestions of a rest for half that, when
Tenchi, in the front of the group, came to a halt.  Pressing
about him, the girls looked for the cause of the unexpected
delay.  As they watched, a smaller shadow detached from the
larger shadow of the forest, and began to advance towards them.
Mouths set in grim lines, they took firm grips on their weapons
and waited.  Slowly the figure approached, and gradually resolved
into the form of--
     "Dungeon Master!" Tenchi exclaimed, annoyed and relieved
simultaneously.
     The little old man shuffled closer, then looked up at
Tenchi.  "Mission Master," he said.
     "What?" Tenchi cleverly riposted.
     "I am now called Mission Master."  He looked over at Washu.
"Your friend is quite skilled in argument," Dungeon--Mission
Master explained.
     "Tell me about it," Ryoko grumbled.
     "Uh, well . . . Anyway!"  Tenchi finally regained his
composure.  "What are you doing here?  I thought you weren't
coming with us."
     "I'm not.  I am simply here to bring you a warning.  Do not
walk blithely into danger.  Beware the sinister."
     "Beware the sinister?" Tenchi repeated.  "What do you mean
by that?"
     Mission Master shook his head.  "I'm afraid you must
determine that for yourself," he said.  Turning away from the
group, he began walking back into the forest.
     "Wait!" Aeka called.  "What have you been doing since you
left us?  What is this 'important work' you said that you had to
do?"
     Mission Master did not stop.  Turning his head, he looked
back at Aeka and smiled thinly, a shrewd gleam in his eye.  "My
lady," he began, "that would indeed be telling."  With that, he
stepped behind a tree, out of sight of the group.
     Running forward, Tenchi called out.  "Could you at least
tell us--"  His words stopped along with his feet when he reached
the tree where Mission Master had been.
     "He's gone," Tenchi murmured.  "He just . . . vanished."
     "Like Batman?" Mihoshi squealed excitedly.
     "Don't be so impressed!" Ryoko snapped, causing Mihoshi to
cringe.  "That guy really gets on my nerves," she said.  "Come
on, let's get going.  I want to finish this stupid quest before
Card Captor--"
     She stopped, a faint tinge of pink appearing on her cheeks.
"Ah, I mean, before Tenchi misses any more school!  Let's go!"
With that, she took off down the path.
     Wordlessly, but with more than a few grins, the other five
followed her lead.

     Some time later, the travellers found themselves at the edge
of the wood.  Here the path quickly widened into a small road.
Cheered by this new sense of freedom, they managed to move along
at a good pace for a short while, and soon arrived at their first
fork in the road.  Pausing for lunch at a roadside soba
stand--which presence they found odd, but which they forbore
mentioning lest the author be alerted to a mistake and correct
it, leaving them hungry--they discussed their direction of
travel.
     "I don't like the way the right-hand path looks," Sasami
said.
     Ryoko agreed.  "It's choked with weeds, and has a bad air
about it.  If nobody uses the road, there's probably a reason."
     "That's a good point," Tenchi said.  "We should be safer on
the well-traveled branch.  Until we're a little more ready, it
would probably be best for us to avoid confronting Tiamat or
Venger."
     "I'd like another order of noodles!" Mihoshi called out.
     "Wait a minute!"  Everyone except Mihoshi looked at Aeka.
"Remember what Dungeon--I mean, Mission Master told us.  'Beware
the sinister.'  He was telling us to take the left-hand path."
     Washu's eyes widened in sudden realization.  "No!  That's
not it at all!"  Seeing the others staring at her quizzically,
she explained.  "'Sinister' is Latin for 'left-handed'.  It was a
riddle.  We're supposed to take the right-hand fork."
     There was silence for a moment, before Tenchi finally spoke.
"Well, I guess that's settled then.  We'll travel right."
Slowly, and with no little reluctance, the five got up and began
the trip down their chosen road.
     Suddenly realizing she was alone, Mihoshi began swiveling
her head frantically, searching for her companions, and
eventually found them entering the road behind her.  Staring down
at her half-full plate, she froze in indecision.  Finally she
grabbed her plate and hurriedly wolfed down her noodles, then ran
to catch up to her friends.

     It didn't take long for them to find trouble.  More
accurately, trouble found them.  A bolt of energy slamming into
the ground in front of Tenchi ended all thoughts of a peaceful
jaunt.  Tracing the bolt's trajectory back, they saw an
evil-looking man with a confident sneer step out from behind one
of the trees that were once more becoming prevalent.
     "I am the wizard Venger!" he boomed.
     "Oh, wow!  We've heard so much about you!"  Mihoshi ran
forward and shook his hand.  "Fancy meeting you here!  Lovely
weather, isn't it?"
     "Why, yes.  Not too hot for this time of--STOP THAT!"
Recalling himself, Venger flung Mihoshi back and hurled an energy
bolt after her.  She barely managed to hide behind her shield in
time to deflect the blast.
     "It was simplicity itself to lure you fools here," the
wizard bragged.  "I had merely to make one road seem overly easy,
and you would stupidly follow the sinister fork."
     Washu suddenly found five pairs of eyes focused upon her.
Hanging her head, she spread her hands in an apologetic gesture.
"Okay, maybe it wasn't a riddle after all."  She lifted her gaze
and stared directly into the camera, which had abruptly moved in
for a close-up.  "Looks like it's time for the gratuitous fight
scene."
     Ryoko charged in for the first attack.  Using her javelin,
she launched herself in a flying kick aimed at the wizard's head,
only to find herself flung back by an invisible shield.  Club
held aloft, Sasami rushed in at an angle, but Venger easily
pushed her away with a gust of wind.  Suddenly an unseen arm
snaked around his neck, cutting off his breath.
     Meanwhile, Mihoshi and Washu were waving two pairs of
magically-created pom-poms.  "Strawberry shortcake, gooseberry
pie!  V-I-C-T-O-R-Y!  Can we do it?  Well I guess!  We're with
Tenchi!  Yes, yes, yes!"
     Their moral support was not enough, however, and Aeka had no
knowledge nor experience in maintaining a hold.  Venger easily
broke her grip, then flung her back amongst the group, causing
her hood to fall back off her head in the process.
     But the distraction cost him.  A searing pain in his right
shoulder caused him to turn his attention to Tenchi, who was
already drawing back to shoot another arrow.  Roaring with anger,
Venger attacked first, his energy bolt slamming into Tenchi's
chest and sending him hurtling to the ground.
     The girls jumped in front of Tenchi protectively, Mihoshi
foremost, shield raised high.  As Tenchi struggled to his feet,
Venger laughed.  "So it ends!  Your fate is sealed!  I will have
your weapons!!  I WILL--"
     "Excuse me?" a voice came from behind him.
     Venger turned, annoyed.  "Yes, what is it?"
     A teenage boy stood there, carrying a backpack and wearing a
yellow and black bandanna.  "Could you tell me how to get to
Furinkan High School?"
     "What?  I've never even heard of the place!  Oh, very well.
If you head north from here, you will come across a town with a
university.  Someone there might know the location of your
school."
     "Great, thanks!"  The boy paused.  "Um, exactly which way is
north?" he asked.
     "Oh, for--That way!" Venger cried, pointing.
     "Thank you.  I'm sorry for the trouble."  The youth set off
at a run, due east.
     Venger stared after him.  "Strange boy," he muttered.  "Now,
where was I?  Ah, yes.  DESTROY YOU!!!" he thundered, turning
back to his captives and raising his arms.
     Only to discover that they had taken advantage of his
distraction to exercise the greater part of valor.
     Venger lowered his arms.  "Lousy brats," he growled.

     They ran for several minutes, dodging around trees and
trying not to trip over roots, constantly regretting the road
they had left.  Sasami was the first to stop, her young legs
unable to keep up the pace of the taller members of the party.
Seeing her fall back, the others quickly came to a halt, grateful
for the chance to catch their breath.
     "I think we lost him," Tenchi said, once his breathing had
calmed.  "But his power is incredible!  It's going to be a tough
fight against him."
     "What's more, we're now completely lost.  Without a road to
follow, none of us knows where to go," Washu pointed out.
     Aeka sighed.  "And that's not the worst of it."
     "Now that we've fought the wizard--" Ryoko began.
     The two girls chorused, "It's time to meet the dragon."
     Heaving a mass sigh, the group looked up and saw a monster
flying towards them.
     It was a dragon, of that there was no question.  But what a
dragon!  Five heads, each a different color, and each uglier than
the rest.  It was hard to believe that that enormous body could
even walk, much less fly.
     "Here we go again," Sasami said.  As one, they span and lit
out once more, running perpendicular to their previous direction,
since none of them wanted to meet Venger again.  But their
earlier exertion had taken its toll, and Aeka did not notice a
root in front of her until she discovered herself buried
nose-deep in the soil.  Desperately she struggled to rise and
flee, but it was obvious that she was moving too slowly.  As the
dragon approached her, the black head oriented on her and opened
its mouth, Aeka turned to face it, determined to die bravely.
     But a familiar-feeling impact knocked the breath out of her,
and she found herself falling in a tangled heap with Ryoko, an
instant before the stream of acid from the dragon's mouth melted
a princess-sized hole in the ground.
     Seeing the danger to his friends, Tenchi lifted his bow in
an attempt to fend off the creature.  He sprang back nimbly as
the red head sent a stream of fire blasting towards him, but he
slipped on a patch of moss on a tree root and tumbled backwards.
Abruptly, he discovered himself helpless, his bow well out of his
reach.
     Sasami reacted quickly.  Darting forward, she snatched up
the bow, drew, and fired in one smooth motion.  The energy lanced
out, struck the dragon under the wing, and flipped it completely
over.  By the time it righted itself, it had lost track of its
prey, and began to scan the area for them.
     Meanwhile, Washu was assisting Tenchi to his feet.  "I
always knew it would be a red head that would put you on your
back," she remarked with a sly grin.
     Tenchi thought it prudent not to reply to this comment.
Instead, he looked over at his pint- sized savior.  "That was
incredible!  Where did you learn to shoot like that,
Sasami-chan?"
     "Oh, you know.  Around," she said, giggling slightly.
Glancing at her sister and Ryoko, who were just disengaging
themselves, she blushed.
     Accepting the bow back from Sasami, Tenchi decided to push
that question aside in favor of a more relevant one.  "How did
you get the arrow to do that?  When I shot Venger, the arrow
pierced his shoulder.  When you shot at the dragon, it seemed
to . . . push."
     Washu stepped in with the reason.  "It's simply because a
different person was using the bow.  I theorize that our weapons
can have slightly different effects depending on the person who
wields them, and may increase in power based on the user's mental
state.  So while the powers of the items remain fundamentally
stable, their instantiations are somewhat fluid."
     Sasami didn't quite understand.  "How could they have
different effects?  Mihoshi-oneechan's shield, for example?  What
could that do?"
     "For another person, it might be a weaker shield, but would
compensate by offering a wider area of protection.  If someone
used my hat, they might be able to produce more complex items,
but with less accuracy."
     "That makes sense," Sasami admitted.
     "There's something I don't understand," said Ryoko, who had
been standing nearby with Aeka during the lecture.  "We've been
talking all this time.  Why hasn't the dragon found us yet?"
     This time Mihoshi had the answer.  "Oh, I see this all the
time in fanfics.  There's always just enough time for an
explanation before disaster strikes.  Sometimes it gets pretty
ridiculous."
     "Precisely," Washu agreed.  "Of course, some authors realize
just how ridiculous it is, and deliberately toss in something to
make it even more so," she said, munching on a rice cracker.
     "I love it when they do that!" Mihoshi gushed as she
finished her tea.  She held out her cup to Sasami, who happily
refilled it.  "I'm sure the dragon will find us any moment now."
Lifting the cup to her lips, she took another long drink.
     A sudden roar behind her caused her to spit out the tea,
which splattered harmlessly on the bamboo umbrella that Sasami
had borrowed from the prop room after the lost boy's cameo.
Coughing and choking, Mihoshi sprang to her feet.  The battle was
on again.
     Before the group could scatter, Washu yelled out.
"Tenchi-dono!  Aeka-dono!  Mihoshi- dono!  You three distract the
thing!  I've got an idea!"
     Not having any better notions, they complied.  Tenchi began
raining arrows upon the dragon.  Some missed, some stung.  They
all annoyed it.  Meanwhile, Aeka began throwing rocks at the
beast.  They didn't hurt, but she provided such an easy target
that the dragon couldn't resist.  Diving through Tenchi's
barrage, it struck at the girl, only to lose sight of her at the
last minute.  Swooping back up, it veered around and reoriented.
It quickly found her again, and dove again, only to lose sight of
her again.  Growing frustrated, it turned its heads toward Tenchi
and let out a triple blast of ice, lightning, and acid.  But the
attacked bounced harmlessly away as Mihoshi jumped in front of
Tenchi, and so they served no purpose save to increase the
dragon's consternation.
     Elsewhere, acting on Washu's instructions, Sasami was
energetically bashing a hole into the side of a small hillock.
Washu had produced some string and was tying several leafy
branches together.  Ryoko stood watchfully, guarding against
attack from the dragon.  When their tasks were complete, Washu
called out quick directions to the red herrings, all the while
keeping her fingers crossed that the dragon couldn't understand
human speech.
     Obeying with alacrity, Tenchi and Mihoshi ran to join Washu,
and jumped into the hole.  Aeka moved behind the dragon, waited
until it turned the wrong way, and disappeared again.  Hurriedly
she ran behind the hillock and slipped into the hole.  Washu was
right behind her, pulling the net of branches to camouflage the
entrance.  "Keep quiet and hope she doesn't sniff us out," she
whispered.
     For several minutes, even Mihoshi managed to remain quiet.
Of all people, it was Tenchi who broke the silence, with a
single, whispered word: "'She'?"

     Tiamat was no genius, but she--for the dragon was indeed
female--was far from stupid.  In addition, her hearing and smell
were excellent.  But she was not used to her prey disappearing
without even a hole apparent.  Furthermore, she was completely
flustered by her inability to hurt such small creatures.  Thus,
after a desultory search for the humans, she gave it up as a lost
cause and flew off in search of easier prey.

     Some time later, Washu carefully parted the leaves on the
cover and peered out.  She remained unmoving for the span of a
hundred heartbeats.  Finding no sign of the dragon, she
cautiously pushed aside the screen and slid out of the hole.
Motioning for the others to stay put, she systematically scanned
the area for any indication of danger.  Finally she returned to
the hole to give the all-clear.
     With grateful sighs the group left their cramped quarters
and stretched under the fading light.  "It feels so good to be
out of that hole," Aeka proclaimed.  "Ryoko-san is in desperate
need of a shower."
     "Is that any way to talk about someone who saved your life?"
Ryoko retorted.
     "I had the situation well in hand," Aeka returned.
     "Oh, is that right?  If not for me you'd just be a puddle of
slime wearing too much makeup."  The two squared off, their
glares only slightly less deadly than Tenchi's arrows.  But once
again, their catfight was cut off.
     "Look!" Sasami cried, pointing.  Following her finger, the
five saw a small yet unmistakable silhouette drifting down to a
small range of mountains not far in the distance.
     "That must be her lair," Tenchi deduced.
     Ryoko was thoughtful.  "So if we go there, we'll be able to
attack her, and maybe catch her off guard."
     Aeka stared at her, horrified.  "A-are you crazy, Ryoko-san?
Do you want to fight that thing again so soon?"
     "You got a better idea?" Ryoko countered.  "The way this
crazy world seems to work, we'll probably keep meeting her
anyway.  At least this way we take the fight into our own hands.
We get to set the rules to the game."
     Sasami agreed.  "I want to go home soon.  I miss
Ryo-Oh-chan.  I hope she's doing okay.  She's never been away
from us this long before."
     "Don't worry," Tenchi reassured her.  "Ryo-Ohki's fine."
     "How do you know?"
     Aeka smiled at her sister.  "Think about it.  Does this
fanfic seem like it's being written by a competent author?"
     Sasami shook her head.
     "Well, Ryo-Ohki is a plot element he neglected," Ryoko said.
"He didn't know what to do with her, so he just 'forgot' to say
anything about it.  Ryo-Ohki will be just fine, simply because
the author is too lame to fill in such a gaping plot hole."
     Sasami smiled broadly.  "Thanks!  I'm so relieved!"
     "WAH-CHOO!"  The author shook his head after the huge
sneeze, then wiped his nose on his sleeve and went back to his
writing.
     Aeka sighed.  "It seems to be settled, then.  We attack the
dragon . . . tomorrow?"
     "As soon as we get there," Washu agreed.  "We should be able
to finish the trip before dark tomorrow.  Between the six of us,
we can probably find a way to defeat her."
     "I'm sorry, but it will just be the five of you."
     The girls turned, shocked.  "Tenchi-niichan!  You're not
coming with us?" Sasami pleaded.
     "Of course I am.  But I'm going to be fighting Venger."
     "WHAT!?" five voices shrieked at once.
     "I have a feeling that Tiamat and Venger are the only things
keeping each other in check.  If one falls, the other will become
too powerful for us.  So we have to defeat them both at once."
     Washu was the first to form a coherent objection.  "Okay,
Tenchi-dono.  Let's assume for the sake of argument that what you
say is the case.  How are you going to find Venger to fight him
in the first place?"
     Tenchi smiled grimly.  "I won't have to.  He wants our
weapons, and will attack us whenever he can find us.  All I have
to do is shoot a signal arrow into the air, and it'll be like a
neon sign saying 'Here we are.'  He'll show up very quickly after
that."
     "How does a neon sign work, anyway?" Mihoshi interjected.
     Washu glanced at her.  "A current of electricity is sent
through a gas, such as neon, exciting the particles and causing
them to luminesce."
     Mihoshi was puzzled.  "But wouldn't that make it burn or
explode?"
     "Not a noble gas.  Now be quiet and let us think!" Washu
snapped.
     No one spoke as the girls stared at Tenchi.  Finally Aeka
stepped forward.  "Tenchi-sama, are you sure you can defeat him?"
     "I can do it," Tenchi replied.  "I must."

     That night, after the band of reluctant adventurers had made
camp, Mission Master appeared again.  "I bring you another
message," he said.  "Remember the way of the raccoon."  Not
waiting for a response, he waddled back to the trees and once
more vanished from sight.
     The six stared after him for several seconds.  "Whatever!"
they all chorused, and returned to their activities.

                          *     *     *

     They marched nonstop the next day, only pausing to watch a
pink rabbit with a drum going by, and so the sun had barely begun
to descend when they arrived.  There was no mistaking their
destination.  An almost tangible aura of fear surrounded the
cave, as though the land itself was frightened of Tiamat's wrath.
     The girls settled a short distance away, resting so they
might be at full fighting capacity during the upcoming battle.
Tenchi did not remain long, however.
     "It will take Venger a few minutes to arrive.  If we are to
fight simultaneously, I have to send the signal now," he said.
Bow in hand, he set off alone into the forest.
     His heart was heavy.  He had not expressed his doubts to the
others, but he was worried about the fight.  Venger was
incredibly powerful, and Tenchi really had no idea how to defeat
him.  But he had given his word, and he was determined to protect
his friends.  So he walked straight, vowing that no matter what
happened, he would find a way to win.  He just wished he could
rid himself of the image of a bloodthirsty Judy Garland singing,
"We'll see to off the wizard!"
     Finding a suitable clearing, he shot the signal arrow
straight upward, as high as he could.  Reaching its zenith, the
arrow exploded in a brilliant burst of light that could be seen
for many miles around.  Setting the bow down and lowering himself
onto the ground, he settled in to wait.
     During this interval, he tried to plan a strategy to use
against the wizard.  He thought about his own talents, the bow's
powers, the abilities of the wizard.  But he could not
concentrate.  He kept returning to the same thought: "Are they
all right?"  He could only hope that they could handle themselves
against the dragon.  But he couldn't stop worrying.
     "Only one of you, eh?"  Tenchi jumped, startled by Venger's
cruel voice.  He had not expected the wizard this soon.  "Foolish
boy.  Now you have no chance at all against me.  Not that you
ever did."
     Scrambling to his feet, Tenchi hastily grabbed his bow and
aimed at the evil figure that was suddenly standing before him,
hands glowing with energy.  "Darn it!" he thought.  "What an
awful place for a cliffhanger!"

     There had been no sign, no warning.  The dragon, smelling
the prey it had been denied so soon before, had struck with the
speed of the wind.  The girls leaped out of the way, and found
themselves well apart from each other.  Far from being able to
choose their fight, they had been thrust into it.
     Taking advantage of their separation, they spread out around
the dragon, which had landed to fight on the ground, so no one
would be targeted by two heads at once.  It was doubtful if they
could keep that position, but it was a good place to start.
     Sasami was facing the red head, as it was the closest when
the fight began.  After barely dodging the first flame blast, she
started using the forest as protection.  Swinging her club in
proper Mark McGwire style, she knocked down tree after tree
towards the dragon's head.  The wood wouldn't stand long against
a fire-breather, but would keep it busy until someone else
arrived to help.
     Mihoshi hid behind her shield as the white head sent a
constant stream of ice at her.  The air around her grew cold
rapidly, and she was soon shivering in what had been a pleasantly
warm afternoon.  But the shield held, and no ice touched her.
Unfortunately, she could not do anything without getting frozen
solid.  "Now what'll I do?" she whined plaintively.
     Washu leaped aside as the black head sent its attack her
way.  Watching as the acid dug into the ground where she had
been, she got an idea.  Rummaging deep in her hat, she finally
found what she needed.  Now if only she could manage to work
while not being melted, she might have a shot.
     Ryoko vaulted out of the way as the green head attacked.
"What kind of breath does it have?" she wondered, turning back to
look.  Seeing an oddly-colored cloud emerge from the dragon's
mouth, she froze.  "Gas!" she realized.  It would be easy to
dodge, but if she wound up in a place where the gas hadn't
dissipated . . . Meanwhile, her javelin wouldn't do much good
against the dragon except to get her out of the way.  She needed
some way to attack for real.
     Aeka was kept busy avoiding the bolts of electricity that
the blue head sent after her.  It could not get a fix on her, but
neither could she turn the creature around while it was
stationary.  Nor could she disappear for more than a few seconds,
lest the head join another against one of her companions.
     The air seemed to be warming up again.  Mihoshi carefully
peered out from around her shield.  She barely managed to stifle
a laugh as she realized that the dragon had run out of ice!
"Maybe that's all I had to do after all!" she said, straightening
up.  But Tiamat was not finished yet, and the white head opened
its mouth and struck physically towards her.  Screaming, Mihoshi
ducked behind her shield again.
     Hearing a loud thud, followed by a softer one, and not
feeling the expected impact, she peeked out again.  The white
head was lying on the ground, motionless.  Sasami stood beside
it, club in hand.  Seeing Mihoshi looking at her, she smiled and
flashed a "V"-sign.  Then a blast of flame sent Sasami scrambling
and Mihoshi hiding again.
     Meanwhile, Washu had finished her project.  Hurling a
stoppered flask at the dragon's head, she high-tailed it for any
cover she could find.  Disdainfully, Tiamat destroyed the flask
with a judicious dose of acid.  This allowed the mixture of
chemicals which Washu had placed inside the flask to mix with the
acid, causing a highly volatile reaction.
     After the shockwave had died down, Washu looked at her
target.  Somewhat blacker now, the head flopped to the ground.
"Two down," she muttered, noticing that Mihoshi had somehow
managed to defeat the white head.  That girl never ceased to
amaze her.
     Suddenly Aeka remembered Washu's words from the day before,
and realized how to fight the dragon.  "Ryoko-san!" she called
out.  "Lead the dragon over here!"
     Ryoko was more than willing, and quickly engaged in a
complicated series of flips.  Then she stopped showing off and
began to lure the green head to Aeka's position.
     Blinking in and out, Aeka started to move the blue head over
as well.  Perceiving Aeka's plan, Ryoko maneuvered the gas blasts
as close as she could to the electricity.  Finally the two
streams crossed, and the resulting explosion knocked two more
heads out of the fight.  It almost knocked two girls out of the
fight as well, but Mihoshi jumped in front of them just as the
gas ignited.
     "Are you all right, Mihoshi-san?" Aeka asked of their
unlikely savior.
     "I'm okay, but you've gotta help Sasami-chan!  She's
fighting the nasty one all by herself!  She saved me earlier, and
now she--she--"  Unable to complete the sentence, Mihoshi fell to
her knees and burst into tears.
     "Get a grip, Mihoshi," Ryoko muttered, running off in search
of Sasami.
     She wasn't hard to find, since she was fighting the only
head that was still moving.  All the trees in her area were gone
now, and Sasami was tiring quickly now that she had to keep
running and dodging.  Seeing Ryoko sprinting up, she abruptly
changed course.  "Fastball special, Ryoko-oneechan!" she yelled,
running full out.
     Ryoko wasn't sure what that meant, but she figured out what
Sasami wanted.  Lacing her fingers together, she held her hands
down, then heaved upward as Sasami stepped into the makeshift
stirrup.
     Following the little girl's flight, the red head opened its
mouth wide for the final blast that would destroy this insect.
But as the jaws parted, Ryoko took a firm grip on her
javelin--"It really is a javelin, after all," she thought
wryly--and heaved it into the open maw.  Preparing to rain fiery
death down on Sasami, the head abruptly found its throat blocked
by Ryoko's sure throw.  Meanwhile, Sasami had executed a perfect
mid-air flip and, with a battle cry that would have made her the
star in any kung-fu movie, bashed the head with all her strength
just as the javelin struck.  The final head shot straight down to
slam into the ground.
     As the girls watched, Tiamat's body slowly began to shimmer,
then to fade away.  Before long, only the scorched earth remained
to show that there had been a battle at all.
     "We did it!" Sasami exulted.
     "Yes," Washu agreed.  "It's all up to Tenchi now."

     The battle was not going well.  Venger's power was too
great.  Tenchi fought valiantly, but he simply could not match
the wizard.  "Come on, boy!"  The taunting voice reached his ears
through a haze of pain.  "I thought you were supposed to be a
warrior?  Don't worry, it's not your fault.  That puny toy could
never stand against my power."
     "Yes," Tenchi thought, "I am a warrior."  Suddenly his head
was clear.  He knew what he had to do.
     "Our weapons can have slightly different effects depending
on the person who wields them, and may increase in power based on
the user's mental state."  Washu's words came back to him.
     Ryoko's voice followed.  "We get to set the rules to the
game."
     "That's it," Tenchi murmured, rising slowly.  "This is the
end, Venger!" he stated, aiming his bow once more at the wizard.
     "Oh, is it now?  Exactly what do you plan to do?"
     For answer, Tenchi slowly and deliberately took aim and drew
back.  Focusing all his strength into the weapon, he was rewarded
with a huge arrow, easily three times as big as normal.
     "My, that's interesting!  Very well, then.  In honor of your
spirit, I will show my full power as well."  Extending his hands,
the wizard prepared to hurl a complete barrage of energy blasts
at his opponent.
     Releasing the arrow with a cry, Tenchi flung himself as far
as he could to the side.  And Venger was caught completely
unprepared.  He suddenly found his barrage passing through empty
air.  There was no longer any time to dodge as the deadly arrow
sped toward his chest.

                          *     *     *

     "You have done extremely well!  I am quite impressed, I must
say."  Mission Master was speaking to the full group one last
time as they prepared to return home.  "I shall be sorry to see
you go."
     "We won't be sorry to see the last of this place," Ryoko
asserted.  The others nodded their agreement.
     "Well, you have certainly earned your way home," Mission
Master said, casting the spell to send them back.  "Do write once
in a while, won't you?"
     Washu glared at him as they began to fade out.  "If I had
more time, I'd figure out the truth about you, old man."
     "Undoubtedly so.  Alas, my lady, you will never have the
chance."  With those parting words, the six vanished.

     "That was rather disappointing.  I was hoping for a more
entertaining game," Dungeon Master said into the gathering
twilight, once he was alone.  "'Mission Master'.  Feh!  I was far
too straightforward with them, I suspect.  Next time I will have
to speak more in riddles.  And I mustn't reveal the mission so
directly.
     "No matter.  It was really only a test, after all.  In a few
days, my puppets will have revived, and the game can begin anew.
     "Perhaps a group of Americans this time . . . "



     I hope you enjoyed my story.  I welcome any form of
constructive criticism.  Feel free to contact me at
hakubi_washu-chan@juno.com for almost any reason.  If you want to
flame me, send it to taxauditor@irs.gov.  You'll get exactly the
response you deserve.
     My other fanfics can be seen at
http://worldzone.net/recreation/misao/fanfics.html.