****************************************************************** The Grass is Always Greener ****************************************************************** Part Eight of Too Many By: Shamus Bowker, aka Tenchi - sbowker@home.com Allan Scott, aka Ryoga - ryoga@uvic.ca Washu Consultant The Lost Boy - nuitari@montana.com Founder of the Church of Washu http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Cavern/9039 GiG Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/towers/1525 ****************************************************************** Plot recap: What, me plot? ****************************************************************** It was nearing sunset, and Ryoko was out for blood. Well, pig. Creeping along the living room floor, she swept her eyes around the room. Table... table... couch... more couch... pig... couch... PIG! She dove at the little pig, but he leapt into the air, jumped off of her head, and escaped into the kitchen. "Finally! Found you, you little runt!" she yelled joyfully, fully enjoying every moment of the hunt. Ryoko ran after P-Chan and nearly slammed into Sasami, who was rinsing some rice for dinner. "Hey! Watch out!" Sasami called after Ryoko. Ryoko ignored her cries and went out the other door back into the main part of the house. "She's gonna hurt somebody if she keeps running like that in the house." Sasami shook her head. She put the rice into the cooker and closed the lid. She turned to open the fridge, and nearly tripped over a small lump on the floor. She looked down into the pleading eyes of a little black pig with a yellow bandana. "P-Chan!" she cried happily, scooping up the little pig and squeezing him to her chest. * * * * * Nobuo drove along the road, singing along with the music in his little red Honda. He stopped at a red light and looked around, tapping the steering wheel to the beat. His eyes fell on a purple- haired girl standing in the rain at a bus stop across the street. His first reaction was "Hey, isn't she a babe?" But then he looked more closely at her eyes. She was standing perfectly still, a small friendly smile on her face, but the look in her eyes was a look of pure, absolute fury. The kind of anger that crumbles empires, destroys small galaxies, and sends lesser space pirates fleeing in fright. He quickly stepped on the accelerator as the light turned green. "Now there's a chick I wouldn't want to mess with..." he muttered to himself. "She's liable to go off any second." Ayeka stood quietly at the bus stop, thinking. She had been thinking for over an hour and a half, in fact. And by now, her thoughts had taken a particularly nasty turn. The bus was over an hour late, and she was getting pretty damn pis... annoyed. She recovered from her momentary mental lapse in princessly poise. She was also soaked to the bone, the bus stop offering no shelter from the falling rain. She gripped her bag more tighty and made a mental note to... have a few words with the... tardy, irresponsible bus driver. The one she now held fully and utterly responsible for her wetness. And she hated being wet. * * * * * In the schoolyard of Furinkan high school, a man stood at the bottom of a flagpole in full raingear. He yelled into a megaphone at the figure perched atop the pole. "C'mon Mr. Fujisawa! You've been up there a week! Aren't you going to come down?" Mr. Fujisawa called down to the man: "I'm not coming down until this damn thing is over with, you hear? This was supposed to be THREE PARTS, dammit! Now, send me up s'more sake! I'm thirsty!" "What the hell is he talking about?" one of the teachers asked the principal. "How should I know?" the principal replied angrily. "All we can do is give him more sake and hope for the best! "Maybe he'll get hit by lightning or something," the teacher said. "We can only hope," added another teacher. "No!" yelled the principal. "Then the insurance will go sky-high!" * * * * * Ranma stuck his hand out from underneath the canopy. The rain seemed to be dying down, finally. His legs were starting to get stiff from standing in front of the store for so long. Just thirty feet away, across the street, there was another canopy with a bench underneath. For the past hour, he had been debating with himself whether to risk the run just so he could sit, but he couldn't bear turning into a girl again. There was something... just... wrong about it. He sighed and leaned back against the window. Inside the shop, the owner knocked on the window angrily again. "Damn kid," he snarled, "stop getting my window all dirty! Get out of here!" "I told you, I'm meeting someone here!" Ranma snapped back. The shopkeeper shook his head in disgust and went back to his book. Ranma stared at the wet sidewalk in front of him. He had the pattern in the sidewalk memorized now, and there were no more kickable stones anywhere in range. The car count was in four digits, and he was sure his knees would never be able to bend again. Still, he couldn't bear the idea of leaving his sanctuary. Then, the decision was made for him. "Ranma!" cried a high-pitched, very recognizable voice. "Ranma-honey!" came a more reasonably pitched voice. Ranma's head snapped to the right. Two incoming fiancees approached at near-lightning speed. His head snapped back to the left. Out there, rain. Here, near certain death, hugs, or both. "Alright, rain it is!" he yelled. Ranma dashed off into the rain, a pair of his undyingly- devoted one-and-only true loves in hot pursuit. * * * * * P-Chan dove under a bush and spun around quickly to look behind him. Had she seen him? He crept forwards, barely poking his nose out from under the shrub, and sniffed the air. No, she wasn't close. Not close enough to smell anyway. And he could smell her a mile away. Maybe the human nose couldn't detect it, but he had never met anyone who had such a distinct smell of alcohol in his life. Well, with the exception of that teacher he'd met up in the mountains once. He slid back into the dense bush, rolled over on his back, and sighed in relief. Finally, he had lost her. She had found him in that cave, and hiding in the forest was no help. The house seemed his best bet for survival. Now if only he knew how to get back. He stared up through the leaves at the sky. He could barely see any sky through the dense brush. He rolled over on his side and stared into the eyes of a cabbit. He jumped for a moment, but decided that the cabbit was of no harm. "You won't turn me in, will ya little fella?" he thought. The cabbit smiled warmly at him, and P-Chan realised that it was about to meow at him. He jumped at the cabbit and tried to force its mouth shut, but it was determined to emit its trademark amazingly cute and piercing meow. Ryo-ohki kicked the little pig out from under the bush and out into the sunny clearing. P-Chan landed belly up, his eyes focused on the cabbit grinning smugly at him from the bush. "Mi-yaa!" he exclaimed in far, far too happy a tone. P-Chan righted himself and looked around quickly. He couldn't see anyone nearby, so he decided to choose another bush. Another happy MI-YAA! came from the cabbit's bush, and he jerked his head around to glare at the furry little bush-thief. The cabbit smiled and raised a single paw skywards. P-Chan looked up, and saw Ryoko floating in the air two feet above him. She reached down and picked up the little piglet, tossing the cabbit a carrot. "Thanks, Ryo-oh-ki. I owe you one." she waved. The cabbit paused in its snack and meowed back. Traitor, thought P-Chan as he flew through the air in Ryoko's arms. * * * * * All Washu had managed to do so far was confuse Cologne. The fact that Washu was from space hadn't been hard for her to grasp, but then Washu had gone on about the academy and even some of the administrative heirarchy of it. Cologne had, by now, lost interest. Fortunately, she was beginning to remember things. Like when she had read the original writings of the tribal priestess. But she wasn't ready to let on what she knew quite yet. "Why don't you tell me," she suggested, "what you were doing that drew your attention to me." Washu paused at this interruption. She thought about how she would explain the switching bodies and decided that, no matter how she did it, it wasn't going to help her convince anyone that she wasn't an evil demoness. "I'll get back to that after I finish the story," she replied nervously. * * * * * Ayeka was steaming now. The rain had continued to pour, soaking her from head to toe. She was no longer damn. She was no longer WET. She was IMMERSED in water. And there was no bus in sight. Rain continued to fall, but when it hit her, it hissed like water drops hitting a hot frying pan. "What is wrong with this planet..." she grumbled under her breath. "All I asked for was one bus... just one bus... but it will never come. They will continue to pass me on the other side of the street, never going my way, always going someone else's way..." Her voice was becoming louder as she continued, screaming into the sky by this point. People in the streets and shops nearby were staring at her, wide-eyed. "... but never my way. The public transit can never be of any use to anyone so long as it continues to serve out-of-date commuter traffic patterns. When I stand in the rain for THREE HOURS waiting for a bus to arrive that was supposed to be here AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO, this is too much. They should serve our schedules, not the other way around. This cannot be forgiven. And someone WILL pay for this!" A bus pulled up. The door opened and the driver looked over at her. "Well, are you getting on? I'm running late enough without having to wait for you standing there watching clouds go by." he growled. She slowly lowered her head and locked her gaze on the bus driver, a smile forming on her lips. Picking up her bag, she stepped onto the bus. The doors swung shut behind her. "Can I have a word with you?" she asked the bus driver in a saccharine voice. * * * * * Ranma skidded around a corner into a new street and accelerated, an amazon and an okonomiyaki cook in hot pursuit. "Oh man, why can't they leave me alone? I didn't even do anything to them, and they're STILL after me." she gasped. "I need to find some hot water. This girl stuff is too much. That Ranma guy's more screwed up than I thought if he's so used to this." She spotted an alleyway and dove into it. A few moments later, her pursuers ran past. She panted for breath, and leaned against the wall for support. Looking around, she could see little other than a pile of old rags and garbage cans. She stuck the lid on a can and sat. "Okay, this is too much." she thought, "I figured anything would be better than being stuck up at that shrine in the middle of nowhere. And I was even willing to live with the girl side thing. But he didn't mention anything about amazons and women with big spatulas chasing after him all the time. I should have figured something was up with this guy when I first MET him." She leaned her head back against the wall and stared at the awning above. She knew that she had to do something about this, because it was just not working out. If it was just Akane, fine, she... ahem... he could deal with it. But the multiple fiancees and people trying to kill him? This was too much. Life had been hectic once in awhile back at the shrine, but at least it was a realiable form of chaos. Not this one fiancee after another and weird guys with swords challenging him to duels and stuff. Come to think of it... where was that Kuno guy anyway? * * * * * Kuno tried to get off the ground, but the best he could do was to raise himself in to a crouching position. He took his right hand off his wound and examined it for a second. "B... b... blood?" he screeched. He stood immediately and began to panic, running back and forth without any apparent direction and gesticulating wildly. All the others on the plateau stared at the preformance, except the three stone statues which remained still as always. Finally, Kuno collapsed back to the ground and the bizzare display seemed to be over. He hadn't finished, though. Tilting his head back, Kuno saw the blond-haired woman, the former general, the traitor, the one who had done this to him. "I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU!!!" he shouted. Rising again, but more slowly this time, Kuno shook his head. His mind was made up. He turned around to face the statues. "Goddesses!" he shouted. "You were born only to fight! I implore you! Show them your power!" Kuno walked toward them, but they made no sign of response. He stood in the centre, and they still did nothing. "I said, give me power!" he screamed. The statues began to glow, and there was a strange noise that somehow gave the impression that they were charging up some kind of mystical energy. "What do you think you're doing?" the Emperor demanded. "Emperor! Don't disturb me!" Kuno replied. "I'm showing them the meaning of power!" "I don't think so, old friend. Your time has come." Kuno laughed maniacally. The statues continued their throbbing glow. "What's so funny?" the Emperor asked. Kuno responded with continued laughter. "Fine," said the Emperor. "It is only fitting that you die like that." He muttered a few words and raised his hand into the air, yelling "Fire three!" Kuno gasped and cringed, but nothing happened. The Emperor looked amazed. Kuno waved his finger back and forth, as if scolding the Emperor. "Flare!" shouted the Emperor. Kuno repeated his previous antics, but the spell acheived the same result. "Meteor!" the Emperor tried again. Kuno didn't even flinch. The spell did nothing, and he began to laugh again. He even started to hop back and forth. "Merton!" the Emperor made one last attempt. Still, there was no effect. "No!" exclaimed the Emperor. "How... how did you do this?" Kuno stopped his hopping. "How?" he said. "Simple!" Kuno walked over to the Emperor. They looked at each other for a moment. Then Kuno punched the Emperor, who fell to the ground. "I'm standing within the field of the statues!" Kuno explained. "It nullifies all magic that enters it! Or hadn't you noticed?" "No!" shouted the Emperor. "And now, statues," Kuno continued, "you're shown me a sign! This Emperor needs to be replaced! Now, show him your power!" Out of a cloudless sky, a bolt of lightning decended and struck the ground between Kuno and the Emperor. The force of the blast sent them both reeling back. "Incredible!" said Kuno. Another bolt struck, almost hitting Kuno. "Where are you aiming!" he shouted angrily. One more lightning bolt hit, but missed entirely. "No!" Kuno yelled. "More to the left!" The Emperor had begun running as fast he could manage toward the statues, but the next bolt hit right in front of him, sending him flying backward through the air. He was hurt, but got up again and tried to get to the stairs that led down from the plateau. "Run! Run!" Kuno taunted. "Or you'll be well done!" One more lighting bolt struck, hitting the Emperor with perfect accuracy. The old man collapsed and lay still on the ground, a few wafts of steam rising from his body. Kuno went to the Emperor and prodded him with his foot. "Poor old," he began. "Oh well, what worthless excuse for an Emperor." Picking up the body, Kuno dragged it to the side of the plateau. "There'll be nobody to worship us," the Emperor muttered weakly. Kuno heaved the body over the edge. It fell off the floating island, decending through the clouds, back to Earth. Finished with that, Kuno returned to the statues. Their glow had become stronger now. Tenatively, Kuno put his hands on one of the statues. Nothing happened to him, so he began pushing the statue and sliding it towards the other two. "That's really smart," said the blond woman. "Disturb their delicate balance, and they'll go haywire!" Kuno ignored her. A man had just jumped up over the edge of the plateau. The intruder was wearing dark clothes and a hood. He was a ninja. "Sasuke!" Kuno shouted. * * * * * "Yes, master!" Sasuke shouted. "I'm here!" Lying asleep on the floor of the dojo training hall, Kuno did not reply. "Master Kuno, what is it?" asked Sasuke. Kuno slept. "You shouldn't have poked him with that stick," suggested Akane. "Then what am I supposed to do?" asked Sasuke. "Take him home! Other people need to use this training hall, you know." "But the young master will be angry if I disturb him!" Akane glared at Sasuke. "Do it," she ordered. * * * * * Tenchi lay on the couch watching TV. Ah, this was the life. He had Ryoko chasing after P-Chan, Ayeka was... well, off somewhere, and Sasami was in the kitchen making him a nice hot lunch. He channel surfed for awhile, but finally realised that his new family only got 3 channels, two of them in chinese. The strange box plugged into the back of the TV looked like one of Washu's gadgets, so he wasn't about to play around with that. He decided to take a look through Tenchi's video library. He switched off the TV and wandered upstairs to Tenchi's room. He entered his new room, and looked around. "I still can't believe he has his own TV up here! And his own VCR!" Tenchi marvelled. He opened one of the cabinets, uncovering rows and rows of neatly labeled tapes. "Hey, nifty! There's a Ranma out there with his own TV show! Ranma began to reach for the tape, but was suddenly struck with an overwhelming sense of foreboding. "Um... maybe I'll look for something else..." he decided. His eyes continued to scroll along the shelf and he stopped when he came to a title he recoginized. He had almost missed it, the handwriting was so mangled, but he could just about make out the word "Moldiver" written across the tape. He pulled out the tape and glanced at the case. He could make out the words "Property of Mihoshi" scribbled on the corner. "Wow, who'd have guessed the ditz liked such a cool show?" he said aloud. He popped in the tape and fast-forwarded through the Pioneer logo. (blatant reference, beware!) Just as the show was about to begin, a Ryoko materialized in front of him. He quickly hit stop and jumped up from the bed. "Tenchi!" Ryoko called. "Look what I got for you!" She held her prize aloft, a very angry little black piglet. Tenchi grabbed P-Chan from Ryoko's hands and slammed him onto the bed. He wrapped the pig up in his sheets very tightly and ran out the door and down the stairs. "Thanks Ryoko, I owe you one!" he yelled back. Ryoko shrugged and looked over at the TV, which was still on. "Hmm.. wonder what he was watching." she said. She hit the play button on the remote and lay back on the bed. * * * * * Maybe there was no real reason for Washu to be doing all this. She could just wipe Cologne's memory and return her if she wanted. It would be a whole lot easier. "I suppose I could live with a small tribe thinking I was a demon," she mumbled to herself. "What a shame," said Cologne. "Just as I was beginning to believe you." Washu was annoyed with herself for a moment, but suddenly had an idea. "Okay, here's the deal. I will tell the WHOLE story, from the beginning, and you won't interrupt me, okay?" Washu said. Cologne considered possible ways to escape the energy cage around her, but decided compliance would best help her cause right now. "Very well, go ahead." Cologne waved her hand. Rather, she tried. Washu took a deep breath. "Years ago," she began, "your 'high priestess' and I were both students at the academy, just as I said before." Cologne nodded. "Being about the same age and having the same interests, it wasn't that surprising that we found ourselves competing for the same scholarship." Washu paused to see if Cologne was absorbing her story. Then she continued. "One day we were in one of the recreational areas playing a game. The closest thing I could think of on this planet would be chess." "So?" asked Cologne. "I cheated. She was away from the table and I thought she'd notice when she got back and we'd both get a good laugh. But she didn't, and I'd forgotten about it by the time she got back. In the end I won that game." "And this..." "No. That wasn't all of it. When we finished that game we noticed that the dean had been watching. He didn't say anything to us then, but announced the next day that the scholarship had been awarded to me." "So your friend figured out that you had cheated and assumed that you were awarded the scholarship because you won the game?" "Well, yes. I didn't think the dean would do something like that, but she was convinced." Washu smiled hopefully. Cologne took as relaxed a position as she could in the cage and appeared to be considering what Washu had said. "You're lying," she finally stated. Washu hung her head. "Maybe that was a bad idea." she conceded. "Actually, I was only guessing." * * * * * Ranma opened the back door into the Tendo kitchen. He didn't want to come in the front door because someone would ask him where he had been all day. Well, actually, Akane would probably be after him for something or other. She seemed to be that kind of girl. But then again, it was nice to have someone care. He had been glad to finally find some hot water. Even if it had entailed going into the women's washroom at the shopping centre. He had waited for the place to be completely empty before he had filled the bucket, which he had found at the playground outside, with hot water and dumped it over his head. It had felt so good to be a man again, he started to laugh and cry out with joy. Of course someone had to choose that moment to come in. And then there was the screaming. And the chasing. And the hurting. He rubbed the bump on the back of his head. Oh well, at least he had replaced the bucket where it belonged. He slowly slid the door shut behind him. "Ah. Home at last." he thought. He looked around the kitchen. Kasumi was standing at the sink washing some pots. He decided that being discreet was probably his best plan, and crept out of the kitchen and out into the hall. Once he was in the hall, he looked around to see if there was anyone nearby who had spotted him. Secure in the knowledge that he hadn't been spotted, he tip-toed along the hall and towards the stairs. As he got closer to the stairway, he could hear quiet voices coming from the dining room. He decided to go have a quick peek before he went up to his room. He slid along the wall and leaned his head to the side a bit so he could see into the room. His 'dad' and Mr. Tendo were sitting at the table, sipping on some tea. The looks on their faces seemed kind of serious, and he wondered what was going on. "...and I think that this Ayeka person might have something to do with it all." Genma continued. "I mean, he has been acting rather oddly ever since that visit up to that shrine." "What do you mean, Saotome?" Soun asked, "He and Akane seem to be getting along better than ever! I mean, she hasn't laid a hand on him for over a week! No yelling, no tables on the head, nothing! For her, this is a great improvement, you see." "What about the morning before last?" "Ah, but she apologized for that." Genma nodded. "Yes, I see your point there. But I don't just mean his relationship with Akane has changed. His whole character seems different. I'm seriously worried about his future as a martial artist after seeing that fight with that Kuno boy. I still don't understand why Ranma agreed to fight him with a boken anyway." Soun thought for a moment. "Have you ever trained him with a boken before?" he asked. "No, never. That's why I was surprised. But he seemed to do rather well." Genma said. "Then again, this is RANMA we're talking about!" Soun said loudly, clapping his friend on the back. They laughed for a moment, then returned to serious mode. They sat still for a few moments, thinking. "I wonder what he learned up at that shrine..." Genma began. "Excellent idea, Saotome!" Soun cried, jumping to his feet. "What? What idea?" Genma asked defensively. "Why, going to visit that shrine, of course! I couldn't have put it better myself!" Soun said. Genma looked confused. "Ranma! Akane! Nabiki! Kasumi! Come here!" Ranma bolted out a nearby doorway and into the garden. He leapt over the fence and ran down the street. "Nonono, they can't do this to me!" he thought angrily, "I can't go back there! Not when I'm finally free!" He slowed down to a jog. "And have all these fiancees after me..." he continued. He slowed to a walk. "And all these weirdos challenging me." He stopped. He looked around for a moment, and decided to go home. He turned around to head for home and was hit head on by a splash of water. He froze for a second when he realised that he was now a girl. "AND THE FACT THAT I CAN'T STAY A GUY FOR MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES AT A TIME!!!!" she screamed. An old lady with a bucket and a scoop smiled at her. * * * * * Tenchi danced down the stairs and into the living room. On the table there was a medium sized cardboard box with the lid open. He had made sure that the box had a lid, because flaps would take too long to close, and he didn't want his prize to get away. He walked over to the box and picked up the lid that leaned against it. He dropped the blanket into the box and slammed the lid shut on top. Inside, he could hear a faint squealing, muffled by the thick blanket. He picked up the box and shook it a bit, then listened to the angry screams coming from within. "Think you can laugh at me and get away with it, bacon breath?" he taunted the box. "Well, you can't! I gotcha! And I'm gonna mail you back to Tokyo and outta my life forever, Ryoga!" Inside the box, the commotion ceased. "Oh yeah, I know who you are, piggie. You know why? Because I don't need no Nanichuan anymore. You know why? Because I don't have the curse anymore. I'm free of it! And I got a new body, to boot. It's a little scrawny, I'll admit that, but hey - give it some time. I'll start training this bod and soon I'll be back to my ladykiller self. And you can go back to Tokyo and your precious Akane." He stopped. He had nearly forgotten about Akane. He shook his head, and continued. "I don't need her, you hear? I'm fine and happy here. And you'll never be able to find your way back here anyway, assuming you even know where the heck you are!" "I wonder where Akane is right now..." he thought. He slammed the box down on the table and punched some holes in it with his finger. "Now, don't you worry about anything, P-Chan. I'm shippin' you right to Akane's doorstep. You'll be just fine. Heck, I'll even pay priority so you aren't in there more than 3 to 5 working days!" he laughed. He stuffed some carrots in through the airholes so that the pig wouldn't starve on his little trip. He had already added a few drinkboxes before he had stuck the piglet into his travel accomodations. "Here, have some carrots. These should keep you from starving." he said. "Dunno why, but we seem to have a heck of a lot of these around here. Carrots, carrots, carrots. Everywhere. You'd think they were hoarding them or something." In a remote corner of the house, a cabbit's ears perked up. Carrots.... * * * * * End of Part 8 * * * * * Allan's Notes ------------- This was to be Shamus' volume. And in a large part, it is. There was just one part that REALLY needed to be redone. So, since I was editor, I was stuck with it. A major case of writer's block didn't help things, and Final Fantasy Tactics probably delayed the release by a whole week all on its own. I should probably apologize to the people which we told GiG 8 would be out 'in a week'. I think that was a month ago now. Anyway, this one is finally out and I look forward to a much more punctual GiG 9. It may or may not be the last volume, which isn't surprising considering this was originally supposed to be a trilogy. Then we can go on to the htmlized version... and the book... and the movie... and then the OAVs... and then Pioneer will dub it and give it a weird name... Shamus' Notes ------------- GiG8! Done! Finally! Again! Yes, again. The original was actually finished over a month ago (probably more) and we just had to sit down and edit the damn thing. The main problem we had was the infamous "Washu bit" - That one scene has been put off since GiG 6 (read back, you can probably tell) and the thing was rewritten many many times, at least 4 times by me, 3 by Al, and a few by Lost. Note the change of email address. My Netcom account's gonna be going bye-bye in a bit, so any emails sent there probably won't come through. GiG 9 SHOULD be the end all to end GiG... and we'll see if we can get the damn thing out by the end of the month. I think Fujisawa put it best. "I'm not coming down until this damn thing is over with, you hear? This was supposed to be THREE PARTS, dammit!" Oh yeah, web page MAY move, but there'll be a link to it on the current site. And a big hello to all the people who emailed us. We finished GiG 8! Now I can finish Tactics!