Authors's Note: It seems like in order to sit down and write a fic, you need to know every single stupid detail about a series. Well, I don't pretend to know everything. In fact, I don't claim to know anything. This is a fan-fic, not an otaku-fic. If I screw up royal, let me know, otherwise, live with it... ^_^ (This was written to deal with people like Mike in advance :) And now, the fic... The Grass is Always Greener * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Part One of Too Many By: Shamus Bowker, aka Tenchi - tenchi@netcom.ca Allan Scott, aka Ryoga - melscott@direct.ca Tenchi lay in bed, dreading the day that lay before him. He could hear Ayeka and Ryoko fighting downstairs, and knew that any minute from now they would be upstairs, asking him to settle whatever dispute they were having. He looked over at his alarm clock. "Six in the morning? I don't need to get up for another HOUR," he moaned, "can't they be a little more considerate?" He sighed and rolled over on his side and stared at the wall. At least, he tried to stare at the wall. Ryoko's head seemed to get in the way. Tenchi squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that she had not noticed that he was awake. "Good morning, Tenchi!" cried Ryoko cheerfully, cuddling up to Tenchi. "Uh...ah... good morning, Ryoko," muttered Tenchi, "would you mind getting out of my room now?" Ryoko grinned at the sound of a frantic thumping in the distance. Ayeka burst into the room, crying "Tenchi! Ryoko...she..." Her voice broke off and she stared silently into the room. Tenchi looked down at Ryoko cuddling up to his chest and then over to Ayeka. "Oh, great, here it comes." he thought. "RYOKO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO LORD TENCHI?!" she screeched. Ryoko grinned and teleported across the room, appearing behind Ayeka. "What do you think a man and a woman do in bed, little princess?" she spoke softly over Ayeka's shoulder. Tenchi, sitting across the room, could not hear what Ryoko was saying, but he could imagine from previous experience. He slipped out of bed and around the red glowing Ayeka. As he closed the door behind him, he could hear a loud crash, followed by two loud booms, and another crash. He leaned against the door to his room. "It's going to be another one of those days.." he thought. * * * * * Ranma lay in bed happily sleeping. Downstairs, Kasumi was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, Akane was in her room getting ready for school, and Nabiki was sitting in her room going over a spreadsheet of numbers. Akane was just finishing her breakfast, when Kasumi poked her head out of the kitchen. "Akane, isn't Ranma awake yet?" she asked. "How should I know?" retorted Akane. "It has nothing to do with me." "Well, he's YOUR fiancee," said Nabiki, wandering into the room. "Well, it's not as if it was MY choice!" Akane shouted in reply. "It could just as easily have been you or Kasumi!" "But it wasn't me or Kasumi who was chosen, it was YOU, Akane. So you have to go wake him up." Akane stormed out of the room furiously, and searched for a Ranma to kill. Upstairs, Ranma awoke with a loud sneeze. He scratched his nose and reached behind his head to fluff his pillow. Oddly enough, where there was once one pillow, there were now two. Opening his eyes slowly, he spotted a fuming Akane, surrounded by a blue glow, in his doorway. He stared at her thoughtfully. Puzzling over his new-found pillow, he tilted his head back and looked up at the ever-cheerful and smiling face of Shampoo. "Ni-hao Ranma!" she said. Ranma's reasoning powers finally reached the conclusion that he was about to die. Again. * * * * * Tenchi sat aboard a bus. He had been looking forward to this trip for quite some time. It was a chance to get away from, well, everything back home. Simce Tenchi was so into computers and video games, his dad had arranged for his friend at Sony to give him a tour. As an added bonus, he had also taken Ayeka and Ryoko out of Tenchi's hair for the day by supplying them with a large stack of his imported 'comics'. They seemed particularly facinated by the Archie comics, for some strange reason. Suddenly, he realized that the bus was just pulling away from his stop. "Hey! That's my stop!" he yelled to the bus driver. The bus driver quickly hit the brakes again, causing the bus to jerk. "Thanks," said Tenchi as he scrambled out the door. "Weenie," muttered the bus driver. Standing at the edge of the sidewalk, Tenchi paused to pull out his map. He glanced at the map, then looked around for signs as to his whereabouts. He looked back at the map, then up at the bus stop sign. He peered at the map once more, looked up, and walked toward the building directly in front of him. * * * * * [Insert several hours here] * * * * * Tenchi walked out the building's front door, waving to his dad's friend as he left. "Bye, Mr. Tanaka! Thanks for everything!" he called out. "I keep telling you, it's just Nobuo," replied the ex-biochemist. "Say hi to your dad for me!" Tenchi paused outside the building's doors to pull out his map. Unfolding it carefully, he glanced at it thoughtfully. Taking a moment to survey his surroundings, which were curiously devoid of people, he again looked at the map. Finally, after looking to the building behind him, and then at the map once more, he took four steps forward and halted beside the bus stop. "Good thing I have this map with me," he said to himself, "I might get lost in this big city." He carefully folded his map and placed it carefully in his pocket. He was very careful with this map. He was always careful with maps. Tenchi noticed a slight rumbling noise, coming closer and closer. A person wearing chinese clothing skidded around a nearby corner and headed towards him. Noticing Tenchi, Ranma realized that he obviously wasn't a local, or he would have known what was coming around the corner after him and gotten out of the way like everyone else. "You gotta help me!" Ranma yelled. "Who, me?" Tenchi asked, suddenly realizing there was no one else on the street for Ranma to yell to. "You gotta hide me!" Ranma shouted. Tenchi looked around frantically, and felt an urge to reach for his pocket. He decided against it. As there was no time to consult his map, he was going to have to take a chance. "This way!" he yelled back, running into Nobuo's building. Ranma followed Tenchi in, and they watched as half the city passed by the front doors. "Thanks man, you saved my neck," Ranma said once they had passed. "Why were all those people after you?" Tenchi asked. "Short fic, long story. I'll tell you later," Ranma replied. "Huh?" "Never mind. What's your name?" "Tenchi Masaki. And yours?" "Ranma Saotome." "What are you going to do now?" "I don't know. Probably get out of town for a few days." "Oh!" "What?" "Well, I'm from out of town. I live by my grandfather's shrine in the mountains. You'd probably have to help out around the house, but I don't think they'd mind having you." "Really? Great! I owe you, pal!" * * * * * On board the bus, Tenchi decided that perhaps he had better find out a little more about this person who was going to be a guest at their house for the next few days, such as whether or not he had any liability insurance. "So, Ranma, do you have any liability insurance?" he asked. "Huh? Er, where'd that come from?" Ranma replied, surprised. "Uh, just wondering. My houseguests can get a little rough." Tenchi said. "Houseguests? So you have others staying at your house? Who are they? Relatives?" "Sort of." "What do you mean, sort of?" "They're distant relatives." "How distant?" "Well, they WERE pretty distant." "Huh?" "Uh, never mind. You have any relatives?" No, thought Ranma, just fiancees. "Well I live with my dad," he said. "My mom and he are sort of separated. You live with your parents?" "My dad and my grandfather," replied Tenchi. "My mom passed away when I was young." "Oh." "Yeah, so, what's with clothes?" "I spent alot of time training in China with my dad. I got used to 'em. You should try some, they're comfy." "I'll pass. What's this about training?" "Oh, I'm heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts." "Anything goes?" "Yeah, that's the fighting style." "Hmm, I'm more into fencing myself." "Well, at least you don't carry a boken around with you everywhere." "What was that?" "Hmm? Oh, nothing." * * * * * Tenchi didn't bother calling out as he walked into the house, he knew that the others would come on their own. Surprisingly, they didn't. "Well, come on in," he called back to Ranma. "Make yourself at home." "What's that?" asked Ranma, pointing to a small object sitting on the table. "That?" asked Tenchi. "That's a mini-squid." "Mini-squid? What's it doing there?" "Inside gag, tell ya later." Nobiyuki appeared from inside the kitchen. "How was your trip, Tenchi?" he asked. "Oh, lots of fun Dad. Nobuo was great, showed me all these cool games, it was bitchin'!" "Great! Glad you had fun," replied Nobiyuki, peering over Tenchi's shoulder, "So... um... who's your friend there?" Ranma stepped forward and bowed. "My name is Ranma Saotome. I am heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts, and pleased to meet you, sir." Nobiyuki smiled as he spoke, "My, what a polite friend you have here, Tenchi. I guess we'll be having another houseguest for a few days then?" "Uh, I guess so, dad," said Tenchi, still a little surprised at Ranma's politeness. Ranma smiled as Nobiyuki, who he decided was obviously into Zen, left the room. "I should introduce him to Kasumi!" he thought, "Those two would get along great." Tenchi looked over at the grinning Ranma and wondered why he had invited him to the shrine in the first place. This guy is just weird, he thought. "Follow me, I'll show you to a room." he said. Maybe I should stick him in with Washu, he pondered evilly. * * * * * Down in her lab, Washu was on the phone. Well, it was sort of a phone, more of an interstellar communication device. "Well, ye see Ms. Washu..." "Little Washu." "Oh yes, of course, Little Washu, well, ye see, she just won't go." "Really?" "Oh yes, lassie, I keep telling the capt'n 'She can't take anymore,' or 'She just won't go!' but he keep expecting me ta do the impossible!" "Well, I guess you're on your own this time. I still haven't forgiven you for that damn furry thing that ate everything." "But that wasn't my fault, I tell ye!" "I don't care. Figure it out on your own, I'm busy." *click* What an annoying little scottish person, she thought. Oh well, back to work! Washu typed away at her keyboard, and decided to go terrorise a few cablemodem users on the net. And they thought THEY were fast... * * * * * Tenchi slid open the door to guest room number four. We're running out of these things, he thought. Tenchi sighed. "Something wrong?" asked Ranma from behind him. "Oh nothing, just thinking of something." replied Tenchi, "Well, this is your room. The bathroom's down the hall, kitchen's downstairs, and, um, don't tease the cabbit." "Cabbit?" "You'll see. 'night." Tenchi grinned as he shut the door behind him. It's so nice not being the one out of the loop for once, he thought. Inside, Ranma looked around. "Nice place," he said to himself. Ranma's reasoning powers told him that he would be happy here. He was right. Sort of. * * * * * [Insert lots of ZZZZs here] (*YES* Tenchi snores.) * * * * * The sun rose over a quiet mountain valley, a peaceful mountain valley. An unusually peaceful mountain valley. Azaka and Kamidake bathed in the sun outside of the gates of the Masaki household. "My, this weather is truly wonderful." sighed Azaka. "Yes, and what a pleasant day it is today." replied Kamidake. "So, what do you think of that young man Lord Tenchi brought home with him last night?" "I think he'll bring character to the household." "Ah. Just what we need. More character." The Guardians of Jurai sighed. * * * * * Tenchi woke up in a cold sweat. He had been having a horrible nightmare. Ryoko had wandered into Ranma's room drunk the night before and had blasted him to ashes, thinking him an intruder. He looked over at his clock and sat up quickly. "9 o'clock?!" he screamed, "I slept through half the day!" He dressed quickly and headed downstairs to eat breakfast. Downstairs, he looked around the living room and was surprised to find nobody around. He wandered into the kitchen and found a bowl of rice and some fish sitting on a tray with a little note attached. Tenchi detached the note and read it. Tenchi, we're up at the shrine. You should go to bed earlier! Sasami Tenchi settled down to eat his breakfast. He ate about half of the bowl of rice before reality settled in. "Oh yeah! Ranma!" he cried as he ran out the room, his rice bowl spinning impressively on its edge before settling on the table. * * * * * Tenchi was panting by the time he reached the top of the stairs, and when he reached the top, was suprised to find everyone standing with their backs to him. He came the rest of the way up the stairs, and saw Ranma standing in the middle of the courtyard with his arms at his side. "What's going on?" asked Tenchi as he tapped on Ayeka's shoulder. "Your friend Ranma is going to give us a little demonstration of his martial arts abilities, Tenchi." she replied, "Oh yes, it was very rude of you to sneak off without telling anyone yesterday." "I'm sorry Ayeka, I couldn't seem to find you around anywhere to invite you to go with me." said Tenchi. "Oh... well... say, look at your friend!" she pointed. Ranma was standing in a fighting stance now, and stared across the courtyard at Katsuhito. He nodded, and Katsuhito nodded back at him. "Wow, he's good," said Ryoko sarcastically. "Oh be quiet, he hasn't started yet." snapped Ayeka. Ryoko stuck her toungue out and made some faces physically impossible for any human. In the courtyard, Ranma charged Katsuhito with a fierce battle cry. Katsuhito blocked Ranma's first punch with his hand, and avoided his second by tilting his head to the side. Ranma fell back for a moment, taking the opportunity to size up his opponent again. He charged again, aiming a kick at Katsuhito's midesction, but Katsuhito grabbed his leg and flung him to the ground. "Wow!" said Sasami. Katsuhito offered his hand to Ranma to help him up. "You're a very agile young man," he said. "Thanks," said Ranma. "Where'd you learn to block like that?" "Family training," Katsuhito replied. "Tenchi, is this the guy training you?" Ranma asked. "Uh-huh," answered Tenchi. "Maybe we should have a match," Ranma suggested. "Uhh, I'm not so sure," Tenchi protested. "Come on, this'll be fun!" said Ryoko. "But I, uh," Tenchi continued to protest. "What, you think you're going to beat me?" asked Ranma. "No, not that," Tenchi stuttered. At that moment a spaceship flew into sight, and landed adjacent to the house. "What IS that?" shouted Ranma. "Don't worry ladies, I'll protect you." "Oh really?" asked Ryoko. Sasami giggled. Tenchi took that opportunity to run back down the steps towards the house and thereby avoid any possibility of having to fight Ranma. By the time he had made it to the house, Mihoshi was already inside. "Mihoshi! You've got to move that ship!" He yelled once he had caught his breath. "We've got a guest!" Mihoshi looked up from the bowl of rice she had been eating, and stared at Tenchi blankly. "Huh?" she said. "And why are you eating MY breakfast?" Tenchi continued. "Huh?" she repeated. "Mihoshi," Tenchi said. "Yes?" "Move ship now, guest in house." "Oh! I get it!" She smiled. "Okay!" she said, running off to her space ship. Ranma stormed in through the back door. "What's going on?" he asked. "Where's the alien?" "Alien?" said Tenchi, settling down to his breakfast. "I don't know what you're talking about." "Listen man, don't play these games with me," said Ranma. "I get enough of this at home. I can see the ship, it's sitting right out there." Tenchi looked out the window Ranma had been pointing at and groaned, as he could still see Mihoshi's ship quite clearly. He decided to try to make a run for it. Ranma immetiately began to chase Tenchi. In panic, Tenchi grabbed Sasami's water gun off the kitchen counter and pointed it at Ranma. "Hey hey hey! Back off!" said Ranma. "What wrong? It's just a little water!" grinned Tenchi. "I'm allergic! I'm allergic!" panicked Ranma. "Allergic? How can you be allergic to water?" Tenchi smiled as he pulled the trigger. * * * * * Some time later... * * * * * "So let me get this straight," said Tenchi. "You turn into a girl when splashed with cold water, and back into a boy when splashed with hot water?" "Yeah," said Ranma in a defeated tone, holding a recently-emptied bucket of hot water. "Weird," said Tenchi. "Hey! I'm not the one living with four aliens and a battle ship addicted to carrots!" Ranma retorted. "True," Tenchi admitted. "Well, I suppose it's not so bad," Ranma said. "What isn't?" "Living with four aliens. It's not like they're out to kill you or anything." "No, I'd have to say that a little curse is nothing compared to THEM. I mean, you're heir to a martial arts dojo, you've got tons of fiancees to choose from..." Yeah, Ranma thought, choose. "And it's not as though you have to fight nut cases from outer space..." continued Tenchi. I dunno, Ranma thought, that Kuno's pretty out there. "I mean, all things being equal, I'd rather be in your shoes." Tenchi finished. "From over here, I'd say the same thing," Ranma replied, "but it isn't like we could do anything or nothing." "Maybe you can!" shouted a new voice. What appeared to be a small girl with spiky red hair suddenly appeared in the doorway. "What? Who are you?" shouted Ranma. "Uh, this is Washu," Tenchi said hesitantly. "You mean you forgot to tell him about ME, the greatest scientific genius in the universe?" Washu asked. There was a reason for that, Tenchi thought. "What do you mean 'Maybe we can?'" Ranma asked. Washu grinned evilly. "You'd be surprised what the greatest scientific mind in the universe could accomplish!" she said without a trace of modesty. * * * * * So endeth the first part... * * * * * Allan's notes: Just in case you're wondering who the hell these people are (which you shouldn't be if you've seen any reasonable amount of anime) here are the character descriptions: (in order of appearance) Tenchi Masaki: Your typical weenie-man turned space hero. He tends to try to avoid conflict whenever possible, though he can get nasty when he has no fear of retribution or no other choice. A real passive-aggressive type. Ryoko: A semi-reformed space pirate who's taken an interest in Tenchi. Has fun teasing Ayeka whenever possible. Tends to be very destructive. Ayeka: A princess of Jurai. She's fairly used to having everything her way. She's also after Tenchi, adding another reason on to her long list of reasons to hate Ryoko. Ranma Saotome: As stated, the heir to the Saotome school of martial arts. Engaged to three separate girls, though Akane is far and away the front-runner. He'll never admit it though. He has a talent for getting into trouble no matter what. Oh yeah, and he turns into a girl when splashed by cold water and back into a boy when splashed by hot water. Kasumi Tendo: Oldest of the Tendo sisters. Runs the household. Not terribly swift, but has a good heart. Fine so long as you 'don't rock the boat'. Akane Tendo: Youngest of the Tendo sisters, engaged to Ranma. Will never admit that she likes the arrangement or Ranma. Like Ryoko, very violent and destructive. Usually only to Ranma, however. Nabiki Tendo: Middle sister of the Tendos. Quite the profiteer. Always knows how to make money out of a situation. Shampoo: Chinese amazon. (I know, poor choice of words, but) She's another fiancee Ranma managed to pick up. Very agressive in her pursuit of Ranma. Bus Driver: Do you really care? Pick any you happen to know of. Nobuo Tanaka: From Memories. He actually has nothing to do with Sony. If you haven't seen it, don't ask. Nobiyuki Masaki:Weenie-man's dad. You can imagine. BIG weenie-man. Good in the movie, though. Washu: The self-proclaimed greatest scientific genius in the universe. Thus far, there is no reason to doubt her. A bit of a 'mad' scientist, though. Person on phone with Washu: No clues on this one! Take a wild guess! Katsuhito: Tenchi's 'grandfather'. At least for the purposes of this story. (And no comments from the peanut gallery on this one!) Sasami: Another princess of Jurai, Ayeka's younger sister. Good cook. Takes care of the cabbit. Mihoshi: Galaxy police officer. Not too bright at all, but good at her job. Story notes ----------- This is the product of people with too much time on their hands. Please don't hold it against us. We're just weak! If anyone I know happens to read this. (Four people, max I bet.) Tell me what you think! For all those that would dispute that Tenchi is into computers and such, I point to Pretty Sammy 2. Even though it is a parallel universe, the characters are still virtually identical. (They just lose or gain special abilities.) Also, if you think that the bit with the map is a little ridiculous, yes it is. But we here think it's funny, in our own warped way. * * * * * Shamus's Notes: First thing: HAHA Allan had to do the bios :) Bitch at him if you disagree... I wanna say hi to all the people on DALnet who know me, and laugh at all the people who don't. You're missing a good thing.... ^_^ We should have a webpage up soon enough once we start up the 2nd volume of this series (yes, we're doing MORE and you can't STOP US!) so you can download from there, until then it's going to be DCC or bust :P Actually, this is probably going to get out to the NG's so that'll help spread our madness. This is a fan-fiction. We don't own or claim to own any of these characters. Apologies go to all the hard working people at Pioneer and Viz (as well as Ms. Takahashi for butchering her characters :) (Oh, and don't ask about the mini-squid. It involves a hot-tub and a motorcycle. Yes. Really.) Bai bai, going to watch Golden Boy again. (damn that's funny ^_^) Cy'all on IRC. #anime, #sailormoon is where I be. Come get what you want. Greets to everyone on the WASHU Mailing List (yes I'm in the address list :) (THIS IS THE END, STOP SCROLLING ALREADY!) (THERE IS NO MORE!) _/^_^\_ Meow!