a highly unofficial Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-oh-ki and Ranma 1/2 Crossover Written by: Tendo Kamakazi (James Stone) Drawn by: Ranma Saotome (Danial Ross) (c) 1994 Stone Age Productions All Rights Reserved. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just a couple of pre-production notes. MuuMuu-chan is what Mousse is sometimes called when in Duck form. This part will be the Ranma characters on the Tenchi set. The second part will be the Tenchi characters on the Ranma set. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The scene opens in the Hyperspace Realm of the Anime Gods. This plane of existance is a complete vacuum, void of anything except various art tables and drawing insturments used by the Anime Gods as they create their individual universes. A pair of stations are set apart from the rest of the Gods. At one station is a female goddess, at the other a male god. A familiar looking figure walks up to the males desk, and hands him a steaming mug. (I should mention that the gods faces are hidden for this entire exchange.) Male God: Thank's, Skuld. (Skuld departs. The male god turns to his female counterpart.) So, you were saying? Female God: Well, your characters are kind of waiting around in limbo, just doing an occasional OVA or something, while mine are just finishing up their adventures before moving permanently to the Realm of Hopeless Fanboys. I was just thinking we could shake them up some. Male God: Hmmm...you know, mabye you've got a point... Female God: So you agree? Male God: Very well, Takahashi-san, I accept. Female God: Excellent, Hayashi-san! We switch universes immediatly! The two gods shake, and exchange large sheets of background scenery. Female God (thinking): Now, my characters can show those amatures what anime's all about! Male God (thinking): Finally, some fresh blood in Furinkan! No more stuffy, recycled insults... The two gods bent feverishly over their tables, beginning their (slightly twisted) work... The scene fades, and the title appears... GAME OF THE GODS! Part 1 - Tenchi Muyo! MuuMuu-oh-ki! Staring: Ranma Saotome as Tenchi Akane Tendo as Ryouko Ukyou Kounji as Aeka Shampoo as Mihoshi Ryouga Hibiki as Tenchi ojii-san Happousai as Youshou Azusa Shiatori as Sasami Soun Tendo as Azaka Genma Saotome as Kamidaze Mousse as MuuMuu-oh-ki Tatewaki Kuno as Kagato Cologne as Wasyuu Scene: Youshou's bedroom. Ranma paws frantically through the drawers, finding nothing but ladies underwear, much to his disgust. He hears a sound behind him, and spins, to see Happousai standing behind him, dangling a key on the end of a chain. Happousai: Looking for this? Ranma lunges at Happousai. Happousai dodges easily. This repeats itself for awhile, until Ranma throws a bra at Happousai. Happousai drops the key and grabs the bra. Ranma grabs the key and splits. Scene: The temple. Large signs are very apparent everywhere, saying things along the lines of "Keep Out!", and "Premises Guarded by Attack Demon" Ranma: I don't know why, but I get the feeling I shoudn't be here...oh well. Ranma opens the gate, and steps inside the temple... Scene: Inside the temple. A typical scary looking cave, dripping stalictites and (unknown adverb) staligtites. Beside a small shrine stands a familiar looking sword, with three gems in the handle. Ranma spies the sword, and his eyes light up. Ranma: Whoa, bet I could sell that for a pretty good price... Ranma pulls the sword free. The blade crumbles away immediatly. Ranma: Oh drat...(a large hole opens in the wall beside him, and a ramp appears underneath him) oh shit... (insert appropriate *FOOMFING* sound effects here as Ranma goes *FOOMF* down the slide) Scene: The mummy's pool. Ranma flies off the slide and predictably lands in the pool. She ends up sitting on top of the mummy, in a...compromising... position. The mummy slowly sits up, revealing itself to be Akane with a really bad make-up job. Akane (moaning eerily): Raaaaanmaaaaa.... Ranma: Ack! Kawaiikune! Akane (pissed): Ranma no BAKA!!! I did this make-up myself!! Scene of violence as Ranma gets herself hurt badly. From offstage we hear "CUT!!! CUT!!!" Scene change: Tenchi's bedroom. Ranma and Akane are on the bed in the same position as Ryouko and Tenchi from TM Ep 2. Neither look really happy about it, but hey, they've got pay-or-play contracts. The scene pans offstage, where a faceless minion is directing Ryouga as to what he's supposed to do. FM: OK, it's simple. Just climb the ladder, and start taking pictures with the camera. Ryouga (doubtfully): OK... The scene now shows Ryouga on the ladder, peering through the viewfinder into the room. The next scene is the view through the viewfinder, of Akane and Ranma on the bed together. Akane has pinned Ranma down, and is sitting on top of him. Akane is bent over Ranma, as if to kiss Ranma (note, this is from the back, so all you see are Ranma's legs, and Akanes back, really.) Ryouga (shocked): no....SHISHI HOUKOUDAN!!! *KABLOOIE* (Author's note. MUST be Kablooie.) Scene: The Ryuu-oh. Akane is tied upside down between Soun and Genma. Ukyou stands in front of the three, looking as cold as possible for Ukyou. Ukyou: Electrocute her. Soun and Genma hesitate, then break down crying. Ukyou stares at them in amazement for a moment, then grows angry. Ukyou: You're all useless! I'm going to bed now! Ukyou storms off in a huff. The scene changes to Ranma enclosed in the tree jail. Ranma is seriously entangled in the bars, having tried repeatedly to escape. Suddenly, in the distance, can be heard the sound of high-pitched giggles. Azusa: KAWAII! Juliette, won't you come with me! And you, Yvette! And you, Mordianni! Ranma (horrified): No, it can't be... Azusa spies Ranma. Azusa: KAWAII! Francoise, come home with me! Azusa starts trying to pull Ranma through the bars. Ranma: LET GO OF ME, YOU STUPID GIRL!!! Azusa: Francoise!!! Azusa begins to cry at full volume, into a Takahashi Hyperdimensional Microphone, hooked up to an extensive set of speakers, heavy on the tweeters for that full treble-pitch effect! The bars of Ranma's prison are no match for the assult, and are quickly annihilated. Ranma runs away FAST. Unfortunately, Azusa follows him Azusa: FRANCOISE!!!!! (The camera cracks and breaks. Background sounds are those of a director in great deal of pain.) Scene: Youshou's living room. Ranma and Ukyou are just standing around, trying to ignore Azusa, who grabbing and naming everything it sight, despite being heavily gagged. Azusa: MMMNF! MMFNMFMF! (Trans. You don't really want to know. Trust me) Akane suddenly enters the room, carrying a duck egg, which she hands to Ranma. Akane then stands to one side, looking pleased with herself. Azusa: MMMNF! MN MMFN MNFM? (Trans. KAWAII! What is it, anyways?) Akane leans over and whispers in Azusa's ear. Azusa: MMMMMMMMMFF??!?!?!?! (Trans. Francoise onii-chan??!?!?!?! ) Ukyou freaks out, entering the usual Takahashi arms-and-legs bent around with the wierd handsign pose. She then prepares to strike Akane, but seeing that: a) Ranma is distracted, b) apparently a player in this, and c) an easier target than Akane, slaps him hard instead. She walks away, crying. Ukyou (softly): Ranchan... Happousai chooses this moment to attach himself like a limpet to Ukyou's chest. Ukyou: KIYAA!! Happousai goes flying. Ranma: Ukyou... (a dramatic pause...interupted rudely by the duck egg deciding to hatch.) Ranma drops the egg, which lands in a frying pan. A voice can be heard in the background. "This is your brain." Blue flames appear around the edges of the frying pan, and the egg (which broke upon impact, BTW) begins the cooking process with that absolutely disgusting-looking semi-congealed and twitching phase. "This is you brain on drugs." The voice continues, "Any questions?" Suddenly from offstage you hear the director scream "NO! NO! CUT!!!" The screen goes black, but for a few moments, the sound of a very pissed-off duck can be heard... Scene: Youshou's artificial onsen. Ranma relaxes in the pool. Off to one side, Ryouga is being coached by the Faceless Minion again. FM: All you have to do is climb that wall (points), and look over. That's it. Ryouga: OK.... (thinking) At least Ranma will be with me this time... Ryouga climbs the wall and looks over. He sees nothing but an empty onsen. However, Akane suddenly walks out of the changing room, clad only in a towel. Ryouga: A-akane! Ryouga's eyes go wide, his face turns red, and his nose starts to bleed. Ryouga grabs to stop his nosebleed, but is now no longer holding the fence. Ryouga fall down go boom. Ranma is surprised when Ryouga come crashing down beside him. Ranma: Na-nani? Ranma pulls out a copy of the script, and starts flipping through it. Ranma: Hmm...Tenchi-ojii-san looks over the wall and sees a naked Ryouko... hmf. Who'd want to look at such an ugly chick anyways... *WHAM* Akane is now standing over Ranma's unconcious figure. A rather large hammer is still partailly imbedded in his head. Akane is still wearing the towel, much to Ryouga's (who has now regained conciousness) discomfort (remeber those huge eyes P-chan got when Akane first kissed him?) Akane: Baka. You should learn to speak more quietly. Suddenly, some cool FX come up, as a convinient warp in space-time is created. Ryouga, still staring at Akane, is now drowning. Suddenly, with a bright flash, a figure can be seen falling through the air. Ryouga is still underwater, and still drowning. Figure: KIYAAAAAAAA!!! Ranma: I'll save you! Ranma pulls a super-jump, and catches the figure, whos face remains hidden. Ranma lands back on the boulder, with the figure in his arms. Everybody is standing around staring at Ranma, except for Ryouga and the faceless minions pulling him out... Shampoo (face is revealed now): Ranma!!!(GLOMPS onto Ranma) You save me!!! Ranma: E..hehehe... Ranma looks at at Akane, who is as happy about the situation as can be expected. Not very. Akane: Ranma...no... The screen goes blank. Akane's voice: BAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The sound of one large crash, then silence... Scene: Back inside Youshou's house. Ukyou stands off to one side, beside the bound, gagged, and chained Azusa. In the center of the room stands Shampoo, looking at her watch. Shampoo: Gee, my watch broke. Guess I have to fix it. Shampoo pulls out an extensive set of watchmaker eqipment. Azusa's eyes go wide at the sight. Azusa: MMMMMNF! MNMFNFM! Shampoo sits down, and prepares to fix her watch. Suddenly a Faceless Minion runs in, no worried look on his nonexistant face. FM: Hey, stop! What are you doing! Shampoo looks up, puzzled. Shampoo: I fix my watch. It broken. FM: No! Haven't you read the script! Mihoshi's too stupid to ever fix a watch! Shampoo: But, I just have to... FM: No! Absolutely not! Follow the script! The Faceless Minion storms off in a Huff. (A modification of the Zaku. A squadron of Huff MS's was supposed to disrupt the Antartic Treaty, but for some reason the squadron got angry and left. Huff's were never used in action again.) Shampoo: Hmpf. Imagine, getting an character of my skill to play such a bubble-brained, incompetent, ... Director: SHUT UP!!! (More calmly) Can we continue now? Shampoo puts away her tools and stands up. Akane enters, and laughs a la Ryouko. She extends her hand towards Shampoo. Akane: Is it broken? Mind if I have a look? Shampoo: Um...okay! Shampoo hands the watch to Akane. Akane starts to look at the watch, but suddenly Ensign Kou Uraki runs in and grabs the watch. Kou: No! Wait! I can do it! I've figured out the timing algorithim! Kou fiddles frantically with the watch for a few moments, then hands it back to Shampoo. Kou: There! It'll tell time perfectly, no matter where you are! Shampoo: Hey, it work! No wait...it go too fast...slow...fast...no, just right...slow...backwards?!?!? Shampoo and Akane look at Kou with murder in their eyes. Kou: Eh, heheheh...mabye I should get Nina...hey, help, OUCH! Kou is mauled as the camera fades out... Scene: Youshou's artifical bubble-enclosed onsen. Akane relaxes in the pool, sipping a drink. Ukyou enters, but seeing Akane, turns to leave. Akane makes no move to stop her. A Faceless Minion blocks Ukyou's path. FM: You can't leave! Ukyou: Why not! (Faceless Minion produces a script) Oh. Ukyou reluctantly turns back into the onsen. Sloooooowly she walks towards Akane. As she gets closer, the Tension-O-meter in the corner starts to reach critical levels. Ukyou sits in the far corner of the onsen, eyeing Akane distrustfully. Akane tosses her a sake bottle. Akane: Here. Ukyou (barely catching the bottle): Eh? That's no way to serve! Akane: Who cares? I'm not some cheap tart working in a greasy dive like you. The tension meter is NOT having a good day. Ukyou: WHAT?!?! You take that back! Akane: NYAAAHH! Ukyou sits back, a sly grin spreading across her face. Ukyou: Well, Ranchan likes it. Akane flinches at this. Ukyou: Ranchan likes it a lot! Ranchan comes almost every day! I wonder why...hmmm... Akane is getting burned, and she knows it. Ukyou: It must be...to escape Akane's cooking! Akane is reaching critical mass here, but suddenly is distracted by the entrace of Shampoo from behind whateer she was standing behind. (a waterfall?) Shampoo goes and has a seat away from both Akane and Ukyou. Shampoo: Ah...it must be fate. Ukyou and Akane: ? Shampoo: After all, what else could keep bringing us together, year after year, show after show? Ukyou and Akane (really confused): ?? Shampoo: Ranma...you strong...you defeat Shampoo...now you must give in to fate and... Akane and Ukyou, understanding now, grow VERY angry. Ukyou and Akane: Grrr..... Suddenly, the Tension-O-Meter explodes, shattering the bubble over the onsen. An supremely arrogant, yet somewhat idiotic laugh, echos over the scene...a dark, shadowy figure stands over the onsen... DSF: I am the undisputed champion of the Anime Bad Guy's Union fencing world! The rising new star in the Villians Kempo Championships! My peers call my the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! Kunou's face is revealed in a flash of blue lighting. Kunou: Tatewaki Kuno, Age, 17...000. Ukyou and Shampoo stand shocked. Akane stands miffed. Akane: Hello, Sempai. Kunou: Oh, Tendo Akane, at long last I've found you again! Kunou presents Akane with a bouquet of red roses. After Akane...disposes... of the roses, Kunou levels his boukouto at Akane. Kunou: Ah, I see you haven't changed! Very well. If you defeat me, I shall allow you to date me! Akane: Who's asking to date you!? Akane launches a flying kick at Kunou. Kunou, however, *BAPS* Akane over the head with his sword, knocking her unconcious. Kunou: After 700 years, I've had time to practice. Now, Tendo Akane, you shall be mine! Kunou laughs maniacally for no apparent reason. He is rudely interupted by Ranma kicking him in the face. Ranma: Hey, Kunou, what do you think you're doing? Kunou: Heh. Amusing. (Levels the sword at Ranma) Saotome! I challange you! Kunou charges Ranma. In classic style, Ranma avoids the thrust, and kicks Kunou. As Kunou stumbles, Ranma kicks him into the stratosphere. Ranma: Baka. Suddenly, Kagato's ship swoops down, with maniacal laughter blaring from the ALPINE stereo system. An energy beam reaches from the ship, picks up Akane, and carries her into the ship. Kunou (amplified): Farewell, Saotome...!!! Ranma: Mousse! Ukyou: Mousse? Akane's the one who's been kiddnapped! Ranma: Jeez, don't you ever read a script? Watch. MuuMuu-chan suddenly runs out of the house, looking as fierce as a duck with Coke-bottle glasses can. It springs into the air, where, accompanied by groovy SFX, it transforms into the MuuMuu-oh-ki! Shampoo: Aiyah! Ranma: Alright! Ukyou: Yay!!! Alright Ranchan, lets board and lets go! Ranma suddenly looks surprised. Ranma: Board...? Suddenly the director scream CUT!!! And the screen goes blank. In the background we hear the familiar sounds of a direcor sobbing... Scene: The MuuMuu-oh-ki's combat center. Ranma stands alone in the center of the room, looking confused. Suddenly, Ukyou's face appears on a viewscreen. Ranma (frantic): Ukyou! What do I do?! Ukyou (calmly): You must focus your energies, and use the Radiant Duck Wing! Ranma: Radiant...Duck...Wing? Ukyou: Yes! Although it is a shield, it can be used as a powerful offensive weapon. (The ship suddenly lurches as if hit.) We've been hit! Ranma, hurry! (The screen blinks off) Ranma: Okay, here goes... The scene switches back to the MuuMuu-oh-ki's bridge. Ukyou, Shampoo, and Azusa stand in the middle of the room, surrounded by feathers of various shapes and sizes. At the front end of the bridge are a pair of thick glass viewing portals. Azusa is running around, screaming names and grabbing feathers. Ukyou and Shampoo are ignoring her, and stand staring at the image of Kagato's ship in front of them. Ukyou: Attack him! The MuuMuu-oh-ki begins to close on Kagato's ship. The scene switches to Kunou, sitting in front of his viewscreen. Behind him is Akane, trapped in the hourglass trap, surrounded by dozens of crushed and maimed red roses. Kunou watches the MuuMuu-oh-ki's advance, and laughs maniacly. Kunou: Hah. The pitiful fools, to presume that they may attack the great Tatewaki Kunou! I shall show them!!! A GIANT boukouto pops out of Kagato's ship and strikes the MuuMuu-oh-ki. Back abord the bridge, Ukyou and Shampoo begin to worry. Ukyou (wailing): We're all going to DIE!!!!! Shampoo (wailing): WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Azusa: KAWAII!!! Charolette! Won't you come home with me? Aboard Kagato's ship, Kunou continues his laughing. Kunou: BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I can read it's every move! Nothing it can do can surprise me! Suddenly, a blow from the boukouto knocks the glasses off MuuMuu-oh-ki. Aboard the bridge, the viewing screens suddenly go dark. Ukyou and Shampoo react to the damage in their usual calm, rational, manner. Ukyou (screaming): THIS IS THE END!!! Shampoo (screaming): MOMMY!!!! The MuuMuu-oh-ki starts blundering around blindly. Suddenly, not one of Kunou's attacks can strike it. Kunou: What speed! The MuuMuu-oh-ki's combat center. Ranma is sitting on the floor, frustrated. Suddenly he jumps up. Ranma: Oh to hell with it! MOUKO TAKABISHA!!! A massive energgy discharge streaks towards Kagato's ship, blasting the sword to splinters and sending the ship spinning. Unfortunately for Ranma however, the MuuMuu-oh-ki was never intended to handle with kind of attack, and the combat center is destroyed. Even more unfortunately, neither was the set... Scene: The director's office. The cast stands facing the director, who is in a high backed chair with his back to the camera. At the Director's right hand on the wide table is a binocular like device, apparently some kind of viewfinder. D: Okay. This is the last scene, so I want NO MORE MISHAPS! Do I make myself perfectly clear? Ranma: Uh, the last scene? We haven't even started Episode 6 yet. D: I KNOW THAT!!! It's because YOU idiots keep destroying the set! Do you know how much it costs us every time we rebuild it? Now shut up, and get out there! The cast walk out dejectedly. In the hall outside the Director's office, Ranma whispers to Akane. Ranma: You know, there's something odd about that guy... Akane (nodding): Um. Did you see that awful picture of that blonde-haired girl on the wall? Her mouth is bigger that yours! The cast walks towards the set, preparing themselves for the final scene... Announcer: Do you suffer from hemmoriods? If you do, have we got a solution for you! Preparation-I, guarenteed to remove those painful The scene switches abruptly away from the commercial as Ranma grabs a Faceless Minion, looking very pissed. Ranma: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!? FM (weakly): Well...they are the sponsor... Ranma throws the Faceless Minion away. Ranma: Jeez. Who ever heard of cutting to a commercial at such a critical moment anyways? The CEO's of most of the American networks look in the room. CEO's (simulaneously): US! Ranma facefaults. (Okay, the final scene...for real!) The Ending Theme Song plays, and the credits begin their scroll across the screen as a cute duck tries valiantly to grow a carrot, and get's itself seriously injured in the process. Directed by: [Anonymous] Produced by: [Anonymous] Screenplay by: [Anonymous] (hey, wait! What happened to the final scene?) (We're out of time.) (We can't be! We've still got one more scene to do!) (Sorry. Your time is up.) (Hey, let go of me! We've got finish this!!!) (You heard me buddy. Time's up! We've got to get this place ready for another Bubblegum Crisis fanfic!) (Hey, no, help!) (Hey, now, wait a minute guys...hey, hold on...argh!!) (...Okay, thanks crew. Let's finish this off!) Scene, the bridge of Kagato's ship. Akane and Kunou stand facing each other in fighting poses. Off to the side lies Ukyou, who is obviously badly hurt. Akane (growling, in tears): I'll kill you, for what you did to Ranma, Kunou! Kunou: Oh, Akane! If you defeat me, I shall allow you to date me! Akane: Don't you ever listen!!! Akane charges at Kunou, punching hard. Kunou dodges the blow, and swings at Akane, who nimbly dodges the blade. The fight continues for several minutes, and although it isn't as bad as last time they fought, Akane is losing. The scene switches to Cologne and Shampoo on the "other side" of the ship, watching the fight. Cologne: Hmmm...it would appear that Akane isn't using her full strength, I wonder why...Oh! It must be because of Ukyou. Shampoo, give me the cube! Shampoo: Cube? Cologne looks at Shampoo, miffed. Cologne: You don't have the cube? Shampoo (squirming): Welll.... Cologne (sighing): Guess I do this the old-fashioned way... Cologne sticks her staff into the other side of the ship, grabs Ukyou, and hauls her through. Kunou notices this, and turns to face the hole in the wall Cologne just made. Kunou: Old woman! What are you doing? Cologne: Oh, just cleaning up the bridge... While Kunou and Cologne talk, Akane advances towards Kunou. As she walks towards Kunou with murder in her heart and a meat-cleaver in her hand, she strikes a flourecent-orange rope strung across the room at about eye level. A loud explosion follows, and Akane is thrown the length of the room. Kunou: Ah HA! You've triggered my Ultra-secret Undectectable Booby Trap (tm) Now, Akane Tendo, you shall be mine!!! Suddenly, there's a blinding flash of light, and Ranma appears on the bridge between Akane and Kunou. Ranma: You'll have to defeat me first, Kunou. Kunou smiles arrogantly. Kunou: Feh. To think a weakling like you could hope to defeat me. Very well. Saotome, I fight you! Kunou charges Ranma, striking rapidly with his boukouto. Ranma: Heh. It's over Kunou. TSUNAMI ATTACK!!! Cologne starts at this. Cologne: Tsunami Attack? Oh no! (Shouting) Ranma! Do you know what you've just done!?!? Ranma: What? Cologne doesn't answer, just points behind Ranma to the rather large body of water that's approaching at high speed. Ranma: WATER!!! Ranma starts to run, but before he takes a step, the wave rushes over the scene, drenching everything. When the wave has passed, Ranma-chan is running around the room, with a Shampoo-neko attached to her head. Kunou is unconcious lying over a control panel, and Ukyou and Akane are standing together sputtering. Suddenly a completely-dry Cologne lands next to the pair. Cologne: Well, it seems things are finally back to normal. The camera pulls back from the scene slowly, revealing the usual amount of chaos present in any world Takahashi-sama get her hands on... Finally, the screen clears, and the closing Theme Song plays. The ending animation plays. It is a duck parading around the screen, holding a sign reading "I HATE CARROTS" A bolt of lightning streaks down, and fries the duck. Then a Super-Deformed Kou runs out, picks up the sign, and walks around for awhile. Kou is fried by the sun. Finally, Ryo-oh-ki runs over, kicks the sign, grabs the carrot, earwaves BaiBai, and runs back to his own show. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thus ends Game of the Gods, Part 1. Any comments you have regarding this fanfic should be mailed to jamess@worldgate.edmonton.ab.ca. NO FLAMES PLEASE! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- A few post-production notes. Game of the Gods is the first fanfic I've ever written, so, please, bear with me. I realize that my writing skills aren't as highly polished as many others, but I just HAD to write this, ever since Dan (Ranma) gave me the idea. The thing was, he can draw, but can't write, and I can write (sort of), but can't draw. And so the idea for a Ranma/Tenchi crossover was born. I plan to do one more episode from Game of the Gods, that being the Tenchi characters on the Ranma set. I won't say any more about it here, except expect to see even more cameo appearances! Anyways, this is James"Kamakazi"Stone, signing off from Game of the Gods. Until next episode, sayonara!