Butthead Muyo *Part 2* By The Old Took *Disclaimer* I do not own these characters; they are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC. "Beavis & Butthead" were created by Mike Judge and are controlled by MTV. This is not done for any profit, just cheap laughs. If you're from any of these companies, please don't sue, I have no money. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Last time... On an otherwise normal day, Tenchi comes home to find that the mad scientist Washu has installed a marvelous new satellite dish on the roof that gets any and every channel out there. But there's an accident, and Tenchi winds up unconscious. What the hell is going on? Find out now! --------------------------------------------------------------------- "WASHU!" Ryoko walked into the lab and carefully laid Tenchi's still form upon the nearest table. Her face was ashen. "WASHU!" "What is it, can't you see I'm busy?" Washu called out from behind a pile of charred and broken equipment. "Tenchi, he's...hurt," Ryoko said softly, on the verge of breaking down. Ayeka shot a glance at Ryoko. "Yes, Miss Ryoko, please do tell us just what you've done to him this time." Ryoko turned and stared at the princess. Her face was livid. "Don't you even start with me..." Ryoko hissed out under her breath. The pirate's eyes glowed like smoldering coals and the look she gave to Ayeka made the princess forget about her nit-picking for the moment. But only for the moment. "All right, what's going on...Sweet Tsunami! What the hell happened?" yelled Washu. Ryoko replied in a low voice, "I heard an explosion in the living room, and when I got there, Tenchi was just laying there." "In the living room, eh? As you can see, there was a little mishap in here as well. I guess that sent an energy feedback into the entertainment system. Makes sense." Washu looked Tenchi over and scanned him. "He doesn't look too bad, no major damage. I'd say he got off lucky. We'll just let him rest here for the night and I think he'll be fine by morning." Everyone's mood seemed to lift and the gloom in their hearts passed. Still, they worried for Tenchi. Especially Ryoko. "Washu, I'm going to stay here until he wakes up." The mad scientist replied, "Fine, just don't bother him or me. I've got a lot of work to do." The hours passed long and slow for everyone as time drew out to a razor's edge through the rest of the night. No one slept and all anticipated the coming of the dawn. * * * At last the sun peeked over the hills and flooded the Masaki home with its warm embrace. Everyone hurried to the lab to see if Tenchi was awake. They crowded around the bed Ryoko had put him on after Washu had examined him. The minutes ticked by. No one said anything, except for Washu away in a corner of the lab who was laughing to herself. At last Tenchi began to stir. "Unh" His eyes slowly opened, then widened. "Uhh, huh huh huh. Whoah! There's like, a bunch of chicks around me. This rules!" Everyone stared down at him. While what he said made perfect sense to him, it came out as gibberish to everyone else. Sasami asked if anyone knew what he just said. Of course they didn't, as they didn't speak English (or at least the Beavis & Butthead version of it). Tenchi sat up. "Dammit, what the hell are you staring at? Where's Beavis? That fartknocker still owes me a dollar." Mihoshi: "Huh?" Washu walks over to the group with some small devices in her hands. "My computer says that Tenchi is speaking English, but with a rather peculiar American dialect. These will help. Each of you put one of these in your ears. They are earth-language translators and we should be able to understand what Tenchi is saying." Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, Mihoshi, and Washu each put one of the tiny devices in one of their ears. Tenchi took one, looked at it, and stuck it up his nose. Washu walked behind him and gave him a hard slap on the back. The device came flying out of his nose and clattered onto the floor. Washu used a pair of tweezers to pick it up and, while holding his head with an incredibly strong grip, inserted it into Tenchi's ear. "You girls may leave now. I need to examine Tenchi further to understand what's going on here." The girls hesitated, then silently walked out of the lab. Washu turned to Tenchi. "Come with me Tenchi." "Who the hell is Tenchi? Uh, I'm Butthead." "Butthead is it? Whoever, you need an examination." "Uh, that's okay dude. I don't need one." "Yes you do. There's something wrong. You're speaking English." "Yeah, so?" "So,...I need to give you a physical." Tenchi's eyes bugged out as Washu transformed into her mature form. He began to laugh. Washu led him away to another area of the lab, all while he was still laughing and turning red. Washu brought him to an upright examination table. "Alright, Butthead. Undress...wow, that was fast." "Uhh, huh huh huh, this is it. I'm going to score." "Sure you are. Just step towards the table, that's it." With unbelievable speed, she strapped him onto the table. All the while, she felt his eyes all over her and she began to feel rather repulsed. Her skin was crawling and Washu thought that the sooner this was over the better. She didn't care much for this 'Butthead' personality much at all. The scientific genius pushed a series of buttons and the computers around her began beeping and blinking their lights as data began flooding in. Washu mumbled to herself, "Just as I thought, brainwaves are completely diffent from the last scan." Once she had the data she wanted, she reverted back to her younger form and removed the restraining straps holding Tenchi to the table. "Okay, that's all I need from you for now." "Uh, huh huh, uh, where's that other chick? You know, the one with the big thingies." Washu stared at him with a blank look on her face, then realized what he was talking about. "Oh, her, I don't think you'll see her again. I don't think she liked you much. Now, let's get you to your room." Washu led him out of the lab, making sure that he didn't touch anything, and took him to his room. "Phew, gotta get back to the lab. Looks like this is going to take awhile." * * * "Where is he? Tenchi's never late for breakfast!" Ryoko exclaimed between mouthful's of food. Ayeka stood up. "I'll go get him." She walked up the stairs, went to his room, and knocked. And she knocked again, and again. Then she heard a strange laugh coming out of the room. Ayeka opened the door and beheld a strange sight. The room was in shambles. Clothes were strewn about everywhere, and there were several burned patches of carpet. The curtains were torn and holes had been punched through the walls. Tenchi, wearing a pair of red shorts and a grey t-shirt, stood in the middle of it all. He was waving his bokken around and laughing. He turned around and saw Ayeka staring at him. "Hey baby, I've got a big stick, uh, huh huh huh." "Well, yes, that is a long bokken. Breakfast is ready. Please come with me downstairs." "Uh, okay. Huh huh, you said long, huh huh huh." Ayeka brought Tenchi downstairs. He stood next to the table laughing. "Whoah, I live with a bunch of chicks. This kicks ass!" Ryoko patted the seat next to her and batted her eyes at him. Tenchi's face turned red and he ran over and sat down. The girls were already eating, as they had been waiting for him for half an hour already. He looked at the food on the table, and a scowl appeared on his face. "Uhhh, what the hell is this crap? Aren't there any, like, uh, nachos or something? This stuff sucks." Sasami began wailing, while the others' mouths hung open. A bit of food fell out of Mihoshi's mouth back onto her plate. Tenchi wandered into the kitchen to find something more to his taste. * * * After dining on a bag of cheeze curls, some potato chips, cookies, soda, and a few pieces of old jerky, Tenchi began to wander about looking for something to do. Ryoko had been following him about and didn't even leave the table with the others to console Sasami. She stared at him while he walked through the house and made little sideways glances at him. Tenchi knew that she was looking at him and following him about. "Hey baby, uh, come to Butthead." She turned and looked him in the eye, at first appreciative of this new attention. She walked over to him and hung off his shoulder. Tenchi started laughing and his eyes widened. Ryoko asked, "Do you want something?" He turned red and laughed faster. A trickle of blood began to run out of his nose. He seemed surprised. "Uh, wait a minute. That's uh, not right. Dammit, there's something, uh, missing." Ryoko let him go. The usual tension between Tenchi and her was missing, and this new personality of his made her very uncomfortable. More than uncomfortable, she was feeling a little naseaous. "Uh, this place sucks. Dammit, where's the TV? I could be watching videos." "Tenchi, er, Butthead, the TV blew up, so there's no videos." "That sucks. I'm, uh, going outside or something." * * * Tenchi was walking outside until he came across a toolshed. He opened the door and walked inside. It had a dirt floor and a smell of oil hung in the air. It was clean and well organized, with all the equipment hung or set in their proper places. So, the chainsaw was quite easy to spot. * * * He made his way to the lake and spotted Funaho. "Huh huh huh, uh, huh huh huh. This is going to be cool." The leaves and twigs on Funaho began swaying, even though there was no wind. The swaying increased as Tenchi walked closer. At the shrine, Yosho's head suddenly jerked up while he was sweeping. Tenchi started the chainsaw. He approached the tree's trunk and was just about to cut into it when Yosho showed up behind him. "Tenchi, what are you doing?" "Uh, pruning the tree dude." Tenchi turned around and looked at Yosho. "It's time for your training, Tenchi. Come along now." Yosho thought to himself, "There's something odd going on here. Odd and very, very wrong." "My name's Butthead, dude. Uh, you're old. Huh huh huh, do you wear diapers?" Yosho frowned down at him. First Tenchi was speaking English. Second, Tenchi just insulted him. Yosho whipped out his bokken and cracked Tenchi on the skull. "Dammit fartknocker, that hurt! Cut it out, bunghole!" Fartknocker? Bunghole? Funaho had trouble making a good translation of these terms. Yosho would have to look it up later. Yosho sighed. "Come along, 'Butthead,' it's time for training." "Uh, what training, dude?" "Sword training." Yosho hung his head down and muttered to himself, "My grandson has turned into a gaijin." "Uh, okay." The two set off for the shrine and began the climb up the stairs. Tenchi did not care for the climb. "This sucks. There's like, too many steps, or something." Yosho sighed again. "Nobody tells me anything anymore." They finally reached the well-worn training spot. "Tenchi, er, Butthead, if you prefer, where is your bokken?" "Uhhhh, my what?" "Your bokken." "Nothing's broken dude." "D'oh! Your bokken! Your wooden sword!" "Huh huh huh huh huh. You said wood. Uh, huh huh, I think it's under the bed. Huh huh huh." Yosho was starting to feel rather agitated. Something about Tenchi's personality today really annoyed him. "Alright, here's another one." Yosho threw a bokken at him. Tenchi waved at around, neglecting anything resembling a stance. He then began scratching his butt with it. Yosho sat down on a stump and held his head in his hands. "I'm getting too old for this....Tenchi, Butthead, whoever, you can go home. Don't get into any trouble. I need a drink." "Uhhh, okay." * * * Tenchi made his way down the hill through the trees while hacking at things with the bokken. It was quickly being stained green and covered with the ruined remains of leaves and flowers. After walking for some time, he came to the road. There, he found Ryo-ohki. "CAT BASEBALL!!!" * * * Ayeka was on her way to the house with a sack of groceries. Sasami had needed a box of Mr. Sparkle and some other items. While walking along the road, she saw something that made her jaw drop. Tenchi was standing on the side of the road, his eyes narrowed. He was laughing as he held Ryo-ohki by the ears with one hand and his bokken with the other. The cabbit was waving its paws around and meowing and hissing. Ayeka quickly recovered from the brutal sight and called out to Tenchi just as he was getting ready to swing at Ryo-ohki. "Oh, Lord Tenchi, er, Butthead, would you like to help me with these groceries?" Tenchi turned around and replied, "Uhhh, no." Ayeka pulled a bottle of sake from the grocery bag. "This is for you if you help me. It's alcohol. I know you want it, Washu told me you'd like some." Tenchi's eyes lit up at the mention of alcohol. "Whoa! Liquor! That rules!" He dropped Ryo-ohki and the bokken. "Yes, now come and take this sack to the house with me." "Uh huh huh huh. Huh huh huh. You said sack, huh huh huh." Ayeka was mystified that he could find any humor in that word. "Sack? What's so funny about that?" "Huh huh huh uh huh huh. You said it again." She could feel her temper starting to rise, but consoled herself with the fact that Washu would make things right. Otherwise, she, along with the other girls in the house, would have to kill him. This "Butthead" personality was too much to handle. "Oh, come along now. We're going to the house." Tenchi followed her as he carried the sack of groceries in one hand, and used to the other hand to drink from the bottle. By the time they had reached the porch, he was staggering about. "Huh huh huh. I'm wasted. It's like a music video." He stumbled up the porch and into the house. After handing Ayeka the grocery bag, he promptly walked over to the couch that Washu had just replicated, sat down, and fell asleep. * * * Nobuyuki walked down the stairs with a packed duffel bag slung across his shoulders. The girls had filled him in on what had happened so far, and he decided that he would stay at the shrine for the time being. "Things have been getting too wierd around here for my taste. Alien girls moving in is one thing, but this is out of control. I'll be back when Tenchi is better." * * * Tenchi woke up around noon the next day. Sasami was in the kitchen chopping vegetables and watching a cooking show on a small television on the counter. "Saa, temee-ra kakugo shiyagare--Kono Bejiita-Sama ga tappuri to ryouri shite yaru ze!!" Ayeka walked into the kitchen and noticed the show. "Really, Sasami, I can't understand why you insist on watching that show. Such a foul tempered cook couldn't be a good influence for you." "But Ayeka, I need to watch it for this recipe," Sasami pleaded to her sister. The show continued on. "Tsuru Tsuru Tsuru Tsuru, Neba neba neba neba namaiki na yarou da ze!" Tenchi tuned out what was going on in the kitchen. He got up and went to the bathroom, and came out half an hour later. He was feeling rather bored, and since the only TV had a girl with a knife close by, he went outside. Later... The girls had stayed in the house all day, since they needed to work twice as hard keeping it clean since Butthead had showed up. Mihoshi heard a dog barking outside. She got up from the couch to see what was going on. When she looked out the window, she smiled and exclaimed, "Oh, Tenchi's brought us a dog to play with! How thoughtful of him." Ryoko went over to the window and saw for herself what was going on. It seemed that the reverse of what Mihoshi said was true. It was the dog who was bringing Tenchi, and this animal didn't look like it wanted to play. The dog was large, had a brown coat, and was rather mangy and very filthy. Tenchi had somehow managed to get a rope around its neck, but he was doing everything he could to keep the dog from dragging him about. And the filthy cur would not stop barking. It had a loud, hoarse and raspy bark, and flecks of foam flew from its mouth as it barked. From all appearances, Tenchi was planning on bringing it inside. Ryoko opened the door to tell Tenchi not to bring the dog inside. She stepped out of the door and opened her mouth, but instead of saying something, she screamed. Tenchi had let go of the rope. The dog turned its head to consider him, but saw Ryoko standing there and ran towards her. It jumped up and knocked Ryoko down, then ran into the house. Once inside, it ran into the kitchen, jumped on the table, began knocking things over, and barking at the girls. They responded by screaming and running upstairs into one of the rooms. The mongrel continued its rampage downstairs. It lunged at the new couch and worked on tearing the cushions to pieces. After stuffing was strewn about everywhere, it pissed all over. Then it went into the kitchen again and got into the garbage, which it scattered all over the floor. Tenchi was still outside laughing, and Ryoko began to get to her feet. Ryo-ohki came out of the lab looking for Sasami. The dog smelled her and ran towards her. The cabbit looked up and saw the huge beast running for her, and froze. When it seemed as if Ryo-ohki was going to be eaten alive in one gulp, Ryoko blasted the dog. It ran out of the house with its tail between its legs. * * * Ayeka, Mihoshi, and Sasami came out of the upstairs room, walked downstairs, and considered the chaotic state of the house. Everything was filty, torn up, and in general disarray. They considered the fact that Tenchi was standing in the middle of it while laughing his ass off and stating just how cool it was. There was only one course of action left to them. Ryoko joined them and they walked into the lab. * * * "I JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! Aren't you going to do something?" Ryoko screamed at Washu. "For once I agree with Ryoko. This 'Butthead' has got to go. We are all rather fond of Tenchi, but I'm at my wits' end. Lately it's all I can do to keep from strangling him," Ayeka added. "Yeah, and the way he looks at us. It makes my skin crawl. And that horrible laughing, always laughing. You know how I feel about him, but my patience is wearing thin," Ryoko said. "And he keeps insulting my food and messing up the kitchen. Tenchi's not being very nice lately," Sasami chimed in. "And I don't like these little translators. They're making my ears itch," said Mihoshi. The strain of the last couple of days was starting to show on Washu's face. "Alright, calm down, just calm down! For your information I've come up with a way to return Tenchi to normal. We have to get him into the lab so I can restore his normal brain patterns." "Miss Washu, er, Washu-chan, could you please explain what has happened to Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka asked. "When the explosion went off in the lab, it sent a power surge through the entertainment system. This surge carried another mind pattern with it that was implanted into Tenchi when the TV exploded. The mind pattern was created by one of the processors in here after extrapolating data from whatever show Tenchi was watching at the time. It took me a whole day to figure out that he was watching some American show called 'Beavis & Butthead.' Would you believe that I had to watch over ten hours of it just to collect enough data on this 'Butthead' character to find a way to delete it from Tenchi's mind? Ten hours of the most incredibly mind-numbing insanity I've ever seen in my life. And when you're as old as I am, that's saying a lot. The plus side is that I've been able to create a database of that strange vernacular that Tenchi's been speaking. May come in handy someday...HEY! WAKE UP!" The four girls had fallen asleep while Washu rambled on. "In any case, I need Tenchi here to return him to normal. Ryoko, why don't you go and get him." * * * Ryoko floated up the stairs to Tenchi's room. Like usual, instead of knocking first, she just stuck her head in through the door. She quickly pulled her head out. Her face had a green color to it and she looked as if she might faint. "Think I'm gonna be sick..." She ran for the bathroom. On the way, she ran into Ayeka. "Ryoko, where do you think you're going? Washu told you to go get Tenchi, now why aren't you doing what she said?" Ryoko pulled Ayeka close and whispered in her ear. It was Ayeka's turn to look ill. "That does it. I'm going to get him myself," Ayeka said. She went to Tenchi's door and waited. And waited, and waited some more. Finally, Tenchi came out, and there was Ayeka, waiting for him. She clobbered him on the head with a large mallet, a triumphant smirk on her face. "That should teach you to leave Tenchi's body alone." With that, she dragged him downstairs and into the lab. Washu was quickly able to attach some wires and other devices to his head, and get him strapped onto the exam table. "Okay, reading brain waves, isolating foreign patterns, now I just need to delete them and restore Tenchi. Ryoko, Ayeka, Sasami, this may take a while. You should probably get the house in order for Tenchi. Oh, and you can ditch the translators." * * * It was a fine morning, as fine as you could ask for in the summer. The air was cool and small pockets of mist were curling up into the air around the hills as they evaporated in the morning sun. The birds all around were singing. And four girls were standing around a bed in Washu's lab. Tenchi opened his eyes and smiled at those standing around him. "Good morning. Hey, what am I doing in the lab? Why do I feel so dirty, and what on earth is this horrible taste in my mouth?" Ryoko looked into his eyes and set her hand on his shoulder. "It's a long story, but we're glad you're back. Everything is going to be all right now." ***************************************************************** Completed 1-28-01 Finally, it's over, and good riddance. I'm tired of dealing with this fic. Can anyone say tone change? Still working on getting Ryoko into Mirai Trunks' world. Should be fairly decent by the time I'm done. Also coming up with a tripped out fic set in Area 51. Familiar faces, but totally reworked personalities. Will be epic. * * * Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. -JRR Tolkien, "The Lord of The Rings" The Old Took old_took@hotmail.com