Hey, anime fans!  The question has popped up time and time again.  "Who
would win in a fight; Tenchi or Ranma?".  Well, I have to tell you that I’ve
been wondering that too.  Sure Tenchi has the ‘Wings Of The Light Hawk’, but
Ranma could just be tricky enough to find some way to bypass that.  Sure
Tenchi beat Kagato, Kain (abet with some help from his friends), and Yuzuha.
But certainly Pantyhose Taro, Herb, and Saffron were no pushovers either.
Sure Tenchi can put up with Ryoko and Ayeka (And survive), but Ranma has to
put up with Akane (Nuf said).
 Well, I’m here right now to solve the question of who would be the better
fighter.  And I’m going to do so as only I, PETER SUZUKI, can do.  By brutal
battles between the cast of both series, in an attempt to find out who are
the better weirdoes. . .  Okay, which of you jerks put THAT in the cue card?

 Anyway, Peter Suzuki is (kinda) proud to present;

ANIME DEATHMATCH:  RANMA ½, VS. TENCHI MUYO.

 The series "Ranma ½" is the work of Rumiko Takahashi, and "Tenchi Muyo" is
owned by Pioneer LDC, and AIC.  All rights are reserved to them, and I’m
just borrowing the characters right now for some fun.  (Oh, and if anyone
else should show up, they are owned by other people too.  Just to let you
know.  ^_^ )

Round 1.  Ranma Saotome vs. Tenchi Masaki.

 We are gathered in a large stadium, for this event.  Thousands of people
are in the stands, all of them shouting at the top of their lungs.  Most are
cheering for Tenchi to win.  The rest are either telling Ranma that if he
wins this he will die, or that if he does not win this he will die.
   Ranma is currently stretching his limbs, getting ready for the fight.
Tenchi seems to be saying a prayer for a short, painless battle.
 The referee announces for the two combatants to take their places, at the
center of the arena.  "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"
 Tenchi and Ranma both walk over to the referee, who is at the center of the
arena.
 "What did you just say?" Tenchi and Ranma both ask the referee.
 The referee does not answer, and turns away leaving the two confused teens,
at the center of the arena.
 Tenchi and Ranma both shrug, and take fighting stances toward each other.
ROUND ONE, FIGHT!!
 They are about to attack when *SPLASH!!!*  Ranma is suddenly drenched in
ice cold, soda.
 A bunch of slightly older teenagers, in the stands behind Ranma, are
laughing at the boy, now turned girl.
 "Get out of here, Saotome!!" Shouts one of them.
 "Yeah, this is supposed to be a ‘Man-To-Man’ battle!  No GIRLS allowed!!"
jeers another.
 "Grrrrr. . .  FIERCE TIGER DOMINEERING BLAST!!!!!" Shouts Ranma, launching
her chi attack at the offending boys.  After three seconds, all that is left
of rows five through nine, and consequently the offending boys, is a
smoldering hole.
 Ranma, in front of the entire shock-frozen audience, takes off her shirt to
ring out the cold soda from it.  "Stupid, pig-headed, no good, rotten,
butt-faced, squirrel for brains, perverts!  Sometimes I wonder if Akane was
RIGHT about guys."  Ranma quickly put her shirt back on, and faced Tenchi.
"Now then, where were. . . we?"
 Tenchi has fainted, and blood is still streaming out of his nose.  Ranma
stares in confusion, as Tenchi falls forward, with a *thunk!*
 A majority of the crowd boos, as Ranma is declared the winner.
 "Geez.  I guess that guy’s not been eating right, or something." Said
Ranma.

WINNER:  Ranma.

Round 2.  Akane Tendo vs. Ryoko Habuki.

 Akane and Ryoko stand at opposite ends of a boxing ring.
 "I can handle her." says Akane, with more than a little confidence.
 "Are you sure, Akane?" asks Akane’s eldest sister, Kasumi.  "She looks
really tough."
 "So what?  She doesn’t even know martial arts.  This will be easy."
 "Sure, Akane." says Akane’s other sister, Nabiki.  "Now just sign your name
here."  Nabiki holds out a piece of paper, and a pen.
 Akane picks up the paper, and starts looking it over.  "What’s this?"
 "It’s your will, to your next of kin." Answers Nabiki.
 Akane tosses the paper back at Nabiki, along with the pen.  The pen misses
hitting Nabiki, and goes flying into the audience.  There is a scream of
pain heard from the audience, but no one takes any notice of it.
 Anyway, Akane and Ryoko turn toward each other, as the referee walks to the
center of the ring, to tell the two combatants to go to the center of the
ring.
"GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"
 Akane and Ryoko walk to the center of the ring.
"What did you just say?" Akane and Ryoko both ask the referee.
 The referee does not answer, and turns away leaving the two confused women,
at the center of the arena.
 Akane and Ryoko both shrug, and take fighting stances.
 "I’m going to kick your butt across Japan!" shouted Akane.
 "HA!  Give it your best shot, little gir-*WHAM!!*"  Ryoko is cut off, as
Akane’s mallet collides with the space pirate’s face.
 "HA!" Akane smiles, smugly.  "Looks like I wi- *CRUNCH!!*"
 Akane looks in horror as Ryoko crushes the mallet with her bare hands, and
glares at Akane.  Ryoko grabs Akane by her shirt, and picks her up into the
air.  Ryoko then starts twirling Akane above her head.  "Around, and around,
and away you GO!!!"  Ryoko flings Akane into the air, and out of the area,
into the sky, and out of the camera’s field of vision.

WINNER:  Ryoko.

ROUND 3:  Ryoga Hibiki, vs. Mihoshi Kuramitsu.

 The setting for this battle is at a football field.  The two combatants do
not seem to be paying attention to each other, as Mihoshi is currently
checking her bazooka (You know, that giant gun she uses from time to time,
that isn’t supposed to be loaded, yet somehow manages to fire and destroy
stuff, anyway), and Ryoga seems to be having an argument with some of the
judges, who are in the bleachers sipping potato whisky, and singing off key.
. .  Ryoga does not know that last part, because he can neither see, nor
hear them.
 The referee walks to the center of the field, to tell the two combatants to
go to the center of the field.
"GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"
 All eyes nervously turn toward the referee, who simply does not answer, and
walks away.
 Everyone shrugs, and went back to what they were doing.
 Ryoga continues complaining to the judges.  "I will NOT fight a girl, you
hear me!!!  It is amoral, unchivalrous, and just plainly something that I DO
NOT DO!!!  And if you can’t understand that, then *BLAM!!!*"  Ryoga was
suddenly silenced by a plasma blast, from behind.
 "Oops!  I guess the safety WASN’T on." Observed Mihoshi, as she let go of
the trigger, and looked to see what damage was done.  She saw that she
accidentally made a rather large hole in the bleachers, but did not see
anyone injured.  She did however see a pile of roasted pork-chops, on the
ground in front of the hole, that smelled absolutely delicious.
 As she started munching on one of the pork-chops, she wondered where her
opponent went.  He was there, just a minute ago.

WINNER:  Mihoshi.

ROUND 4.  Azusa Shiratori, vs.  Misaki Jurai.

 The scene for this battle is a poorly lit section of what looks to be a
large shopping mall.  The two combatants are nowhere to be found at the
moment, and murmurs from the audience state that the combatants have not
been seen since the fight was set up.
 The referee walks to the center of the field, to tell the two combatants to
go to the center of the field.
"GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"
 The mannequins in the store windows nervously turn toward the referee, who
simply does not answer, and walks away.
 The mannequins shrugged, and went back to mannequining.
 For a few moments, nothing happens.  Then *CRASH* *WHAM* *OOH!  SO CUTE!!!*
 Misaki and Azusa exit out of store windows, each holding several
miscellaneous items in their arms, and running at full speed into other
stores.  Shiratori crashes into a ‘Kay Bee, Toys’.  Moments later, dozens of
‘Furbys’ can be heard, claiming to be dying, and incapable of breathing.
 Misaki rushes into a pet shop.  Just a few moments later several animals
can be heard, being crushed to death.
 "Who was the idiot that decided to have the battle HERE?" asks someone in
the audience.
 Unfortunately, this got the attention of the two ‘combatants’.  Misaki and
Azusa both look toward the audience, who all consecutively get large
sweatdrops on the back of their heads, and then calmly exit the battle area.
 "GYAA!!!  THE’RE LOOKING THIS WAY!!!  RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!  HELP
ME!!!  HELP ME!!!  MOMMY!!!  WHERE ARE YOU MOMMY!?!?!  TOSHI, YOU’RE FIFTY
YEARS OLD, SO STOP CALLING FOR YOUR MOMMY, ALREADY!!!  AAH!!!  GODZILLA!!!
MOOO!!!  HEE-HAW!!!  HEE-HAW!!!  QUACK!!!  QUACK!!!  QUICKLY, LOAD THEM UP,
TWO BY TWO!!!  THE END IS UPPON US!!!  WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!!  HELP!!!  NEIL,
DID YOU EAT YOUR CHUNKY SOUP!?!?!  HELP ME!!!  OH GOD, I THINK THE’RE
COMMING THIS WAY!!!  FEETS DON’T FAIL ME NOW!!!  THE CHAMPAGNE’S NOT
CORBELL!!!  AAH!!!  GODZILLA!!!  GOD SAVE BILL GATES!!!  CROOOOOW!!!  EEA,
IE, EEA, IE, OH!!!  SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE CURTOSY PHONE!!! SENATOR SONNY
BONO, WHITE CURTOSY PHONE!!!  AAH!!!  GODZILLA!!!  OOH, EE, OOH, AH, AH!!!
OUCH!!!  YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!!  WELL THEN WALK ON THE BOTTOMS!!!
BA-DA-BUMP!!!  MAYDAY!!!  MAYDAY!!!  WHERE’S MY BABY!?!?!  WHERE’S MY
BABY!?!?!  YOU’RE STANDING ON ME, MOM!!!  WILL THE PERSON DRIVING THE BROWN
PINTO PLEASE GO TO THE PARKING LOT, YOUR CAR IS ON FIRE!!!  RUN FOR YOUR
LIVES, PEOPLE!!!  HELP!!! HELP!!!  THAT DOOR SAYS ‘PULL’ YOU FOOL!!!"
 And before you can say, "GYAA!!!  THE’RE LOOKING THIS WAY!!!  RUN!!! RUN
FOR YOUR LIVES!!!  HELP ME!!!  HELP ME!!!  MOMMY!!!  WHERE ARE YOU
MOMMY!?!?!  TOSHI, YOU’RE FIFTY YEARS OLD, SO STOP CALLING FOR YOUR MOMMY,
ALREADY!!!  AAH!!!  GODZILLA!!!  MOOO!!!  HEE-HAW!!!  HEE-HAW!!!  QUACK!!!
QUACK!!!  QUICKLY, LOAD THEM UP, TWO BY TWO!!!  THE END IS UPPON US!!!  WE
ARE ALL DOOMED!!!  HELP!!!  NEIL, DID YOU EAT YOUR CHUNKY SOUP!?!?!  HELP
ME!!!  OH GOD, I THINK THE’RE COMMING THIS WAY!!!  FEETS DON’T FAIL ME
NOW!!!  THE CHAMPAGNE’S NOT CORBELL!!!  AAH!!!  GODZILLA!!!  GOD SAVE BILL
GATES!!!  CROOOOOW!!!  EEA, IE, EEA, IE, OH!!!  SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE
CURTOSY PHONE!!! SENATOR SONNY BONO, WHITE CURTOSY PHONE!!!  AAH!!!
GODZILLA!!!  OOH, EE, OOH, AH, AH!!!  OUCH!!!  YOU STEPPED ON MY FOOT!!!
WELL THEN WALK ON THE BOTTOMS!!!  BA-DA-BUMP!!!  MAYDAY!!!  MAYDAY!!!  WHERE
’S MY BABY!?!?!  WHERE’S MY BABY!?!?!  YOU’RE STANDING ON ME, MOM!!!  WILL
THE PERSON DRIVING THE BROWN PINTO PLEASE GO TO THE PARKING LOT, YOUR CAR IS
ON FIRE!!!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, PEOPLE!!!  HELP!!! HELP!!!  THAT DOOR SAYS
‘PULL’ YOU FOOL!!!", everyone in the stands exited the area, leaving just a
camera facing Azusa and Misaki, who are now standing in the middle of the
path, between the shops.
 "Where did everybody go?" Misaki and Azusa both asked at the same time.
They then turned toward the camera, that was still facing them.  "OOH!  SO
CUTE!!!"  They then rush at the camera.
 We suddenly see Misaki’s armpit, then darkness.  There is a sudden
*CRUNCH!*, and we loose video feed.

WINNER:  Do YOU want to go back, and find out?!?

ROUND 5.  Ayeka Jurai vs. Ukyo Kuonji.

 The setting for this fight is at a tennis court, with the spectators seated
in the bleachers.  The two combatants are at opposite ends of the court,
readying for combat.  The net is removed, and the referee walks to the
center of the court, to tell the two combatants to also go to the center of
the court.
 "GRUMPMUFFMUFFGAGLLEGALLYWHOOMUPH!!!"  *KA-WHUBBA!!!*
 Ayeka and Ukyo walk to the center of the court, and nervously inspect the 6
X 4 X 3.5 Buddha statue that crushed the referee.
 "MOM!  Why the hell did you do that for?!"  said a woman in the audience,
who had very spiky, cyan colored hair.
 "Because that joke was getting really old, Ryoko dear."  Replies a much
shorter woman, with even more spiky, crab-red hair.
 Washu types on her keyboard a bit, and a large portal opens up under the
statue/crushed referee, thus removing the obstruction from the court.  Ukyo
and Ayeka both shrug, and the fight commences.
 Suddenly;  Look!  Up in the sky!  It’s a bird!  It’s a plane!  It’s that
tomboy from the Ranma ½!  Akane falls from the air, with the greatest of
ease, and lands on Ayeka.
 "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *WHAM*!!!"
 Akane’s impact sent her and the Jurian princess to the bottom of a human
shaped crater.
 "Hey, I got good hang time with her."  said Ryoko, from the bleachers.
Suddenly, two large floating logs, one marked with a blue marking, the other
marked with a similar red marking, appear next to the crater.
 "Oh my god!  She killed Ayeka!!!"  exclaims the blue marked one.
 "You bastard!!!"  exclaims the red marked one.
 Akane pulls herself out from the hole she just made, and glares at Azaka
and Kamidake.  "What . . . did . . . you . . . call . . . ME!?!?!"
 "Uh-oh." Say both guardians at the same time, gaining large sweatdrops on
the back of their heads.  Akane pulls out a bright, shiny, brass mallet, and
chases after the two flying logs, intent on showing them how her new mallet
can violently force large pieces of wood straight into the ground.
 "THE WINNER; UKYO!!!"  Announces the announcer.
 Ryoko teleports over to the crater, and looked down the hole.  "Yo,
princess.  You okay?"
 A faint voice can be heard from the hole.  "Miss Ryoko, I presently have
soil in my ears.  Could you please lean a bit further toward me, so I could
understand you?"
 Ryoko leans more toward the hole.  "I said; Yo, princess.  You o-GACK!!!"
 Ayeka is now currently gripping Ryoko’s neck, and shaking the former pirate
’s head like a rattle.  After a minute of this, Ayeka attempts to crack
Ryoko’s head open, to get at the nutty filling.
 Ukyo is paying no attention to this whatsoever, as she just realized that
she had to now thank Akane for helping her to win.

WINNER:  Ukyo.

ROUND 6.  Shampoo (Cat form) vs. Ryo-oh-ki (Cabbit form)

 The two combatants face each other, trying to make each other angry.
 "Nyao!!  Meroow!!  Hisss!!"  said Shampoo.
 "Miyaaa!!!  Merouyaaa!!!"  replies Ryo-oh-ki.
 We’d translate what they were saying, but there may be younger viewers
watching, uh reading this.
 The signal to start the fight is about to start, but suddenly a cry rings
through the air.
 "POKEBALL GO!!!"
 A red and white ball rebounds off of Shampoo, and sucks her up into the
ball.
 "Who would’ve thought that we would find pokemon around here?"  said a
young boy, with a red baseball cap.  Next to the boy is a large yellow mouse
with a lightning bolt shaped tail, a young girl with her red hair tied into
a ponytail on one side of her head, and a slightly older young man who’s
eyes are abnormally squinted.
 "I don’t think I’ve seen a cat pokemon like that, Ash." Says the girl.
 Suddenly, Shampoo breaks out of the Pokeball, and glares angrily at the
three people who tried to capture her in that ball.  Where did these people
come from, anyway?  This was the third time today that someone tried to
capture her in one of those balls.  Well, she would show these three not to
mess with her.
 Ash, Misty, Pikachu, and Brock ran for their lives, from the rage driven
cat that was trying to reduce them to scratching posts.  Neither rain, nor
sleet, nor electric mouse pokemon would keep Shampoo from extracting her
revenge.
 Ryo-oh-ki got a large sweatdrop on the back of her head, as she watched
what happened.  Suddenly, a net dropped over her, and she was quickly strung
into the air.
 "BAH, amateurs!"  Said a handsome young man, with dark blue hair, who was
also holding the net.
 "To think that those meddling kids would take the chance of loosing a new
cat type pokemon, by capturing it in a regular Pokeball."  Said a tall,
beautiful, red hared young woman.  "WE, on the other hand, take no chances
of loosing it."
 "That, and you’s guys are too poor to even afford a regular Pokeball."
Comments a odd looking, talking cat, with a gold coin attached to its
forehead.
 "Shut up, Meowth." Said the man and woman.
 "Make me." said Meowth.
 Well, they did not notice, but Ryo-oh-ki was as mad as hell, and she was
not going to take it anymore.  Taking a cue from ‘Tenchi In Tokyo’ (Shin
Tenchi Muyo), Ryo-oh-ki transformed into

ROBO-OH-KI!!!!!!!

 She easily broke out of the net, when she changed from a simple cabbit,
into a large, pink, robot warrior.   Team Rocket watches in horror as
ROBO-OH-KI!!!!!!! cracks her knuckles ominously, and with a roaring battle
cry of "MIYA!!!", goes into action.

 *CRASH* *WHAM* *BAM* *BODYSLAM* *RANDOM* *NOISE* *OF* *ROBO-OH-KI*
*GETTING* *MIDEVIL* *ON* *TEAM* *ROCKET’S* *BOOTOX* *BOOOOOOOM*

 "LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAaaaaaaain . . . ."

WINNER:  To be continued.

ROUND 7.  Cologne vs. Katsuhito (Yosho) Masaki.

 We arrive in the dark arena where the battle is already in progress.  The
fight had already gone on for many hours, and there was seemingly no end in
sight.  It was an intense struggle to see who was the fastest, the
strongest, the cleverest, and the best at the art of combat.
 "Got any twos?"  asked Cologne.
 "Go fish." Said Katsuhito.
 Yes everybody, this is the most intense battle we have seen so far.  Who
will come out the victor?  How will there be any conclusion to this battle?
WHAT will be the conclusion of this battle?  What will happen if there is a
tie?  Will they bring a foreign object into the ring?  Neil, did you eat
your chunky soup?  Who wrote the book of love?  Why the hell am I writing
this?  Who removed the fourth wall?  What is the meaning of life?  And the
most important question of all
 "Got any threes?"
 Will Cologne have any threes?!?!?
 "Sure, here."  The withered prune on a-uh, I mean the leader of the Chinese
Amazon tribe, obviously did not realize that she had just literally thrown
the battle away.
 Katsuhito added the card to the one he had in his hand, and slammed them
down on the table.
 "WINNER, MASAKI!!!"  announced the announcer over the loud speaker.
 In a calm and mature manner, Katsuhito stood up, and started doing a
victory dance.  All the while saying "Nyah-Nyah!!  I win!!  You loose!!
Ha-Ha!!"
 Cologne shrugs, puts down the rest of her cards, and jumps into Katsuhito’s
arms, saying "AIREN!!  WU AI NE!!"

 Katsuhito’s scream was the scream heard around the world.

WINNER:  Katsuhito (technically)

ROUND 8.  Hikaru Gosunkugi vs. Kain.

 In this corner, weighing at roughly two thousand gallons, considering that
he is technically an aqueous life form, and standing at seven feet, two
inches tall, the A-1 class criminal, Kain!!!
 And in this corner, weighing at ninety seven pounds, one ounce, at the
height of a little over four and a half feet, standing in a puddle of his
own piss, with a snot bubble in his nose, and tears streaming down his face,
the challenger, Hikaru Gosunkugi!!!

WINNER:  Kain.

ROUND 9.  Shampoo vs. Ryo-oh-ki, again.

 We are back in the previous battle area between the two combatants.
Shampoo wipes the last few bits of Ash from her claws, and readies for the
attack.  Ryo-oh-ki changes back to cabbit form, and does likewise.  They are
about to attack, when a loud noise was heard.  The noise of two people
crashing through a brick wall.

 "OOOH!!! SO CUTE!!!"

 Ryo-oh-ki and Shampoo both stare in horror for a few moments, and then
scramble away as fast as they can.  They are quickly followed by a woman
with dark blue hair, and a brown hared girl in a pink dress.
 "Josephine!!  Josephine!!"
 "Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty!!!"
 "NYOOOW!!!!!"
 "MIYAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"

WINNER:  Misaki and Azusa.

ROUND 10.  Kiyone Makabe vs. Happosai.

 "HELP!!!  HELP!!!  GET IT OFF OF ME!!!  GET IT OFF OF ME!!!  HELP!!!"

WINNER:  Happosai.

ROUND 11.  Washu Habuki vs. Ranma Saotome.

 "HELP!!!  HELP!!!  GET IT OFF OF ME!!!  GET IT OFF OF ME!!!  HELP!!!"

WINNER:  Washu.

ROUND 12.  Soun Tendo & Genma Saotome vs.  Azaka & Kamidake.

 The battle arena is pretty much empty.  Only the two teams of combatants
are at the center.  Azaka and Kamidake look worse for wear, many mallet
dents still in their surfaces.  Soun and Genma actually look thoughtful.

 "You know, Tendo.  I’ve been thinking."
 "Oh, then please by all means continue, Saotome."
 "Remember when the master used to have us train by forcing us to make
firewood, by smashing tree stumps into smaller pieces?"

 Azaka and Kamidake get large sweatdrops on the backs of their upper
portions.  They do not like where this conversation is going.

 "Ah, yes.  We must’ve gone through hundreds of trees, before the master
would let us finally warm ourselves by the fire."
 "So, I was wondering.  If we did all of that, and we are even more stronger
than we were back then, then why should this be a hard battle for us?"
 "Good point, Saotome."

 "Uh-oh."  Say both Azaka and Kamidake, at the same time.

 "GET EM!!!"  Soun and Genma both try to strike at the rapidly retreating
guardians.
 " ‘This’ll be easy’ you said!  ‘They can’t possibly be as bad as that girl
with the hammer’ you said!"
 "Just hush up, and keep running!!!"  The two logs were chased right out of
the arena.

WINNER:  Soun and Genma.

ROUND 13.  Washu Habuki vs.  Happosai.

 The scene for this fight is in Washu’s lab.  Washu is standing behind a
desk, with Happosai strapped to a metal table in the background.
 "Good evening."  Says Washu.  "For those of you just joining us, our
previously scheduled experiment of examining the anatomy of a toad, has been
canceled for . . ."
 "WOO HOO!!!  EXAMENE ME BABY!!!  Take my temperature!  Take a sperm sample!
I needed a checkup, cutie pie!"  yells Happosai from the background.
 Washu turns several shades of green, that clash with the color of her hair,
and tries to continue.  " . . . obvious reasons, and will not be done ever
again if I can help it."  Happosai gives a disappointed groan from the
background.  "So instead, I shall be doing a cooking lesson today."  Washu
puts on a chef’s hat.
 "Ooo!  I bet I’m the main course, yeah baby?"  says Happosai.
 Washu tries desperately to keep her smile.  "Today, we shall be learning to
make ‘Chard Pervert Flambe’.  First, take one pervert."
 "I’m not ONE pervert!  I am THE pervert, sweet-cheeks!"
 "And dump him into your incendiary furnace."  Washu pulls a lever, sending
Happosai down a hole.
 "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaah!!!"  *FOOOOOOOM!!!*  A large gout of flame from the
hole, signals the end of the pervert.
 "That concludes the lesson for today.  Tomorrow we’ll-"
 "Hey!!!  You tried to kill me!!!  I’ve fallen!!!  And I’m badly burned!!!"
Okay, so that was not the end of him.  *THUD!!!*  That was.
 "Ahem.  Tomorrow we’ll go through the importance of a portable dimensional
portal system, as well as the advantages of having large stone statues
around your lab."

WINNER:  Washu.

ROUND 14.  Tatewaki Kuno vs. Ryo-oh-ki.

 This battle takes place in a grand arena.  Although the stands were packed,
they were now somewhat empty, as members of the audience started leaving for
some reason.  Kuno and Ryo-oh-ki, both in humanoid form, were at the center
of the arena.  Kuno was still making his beginning speech, and going on, and
on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on . . .
 "No one shall stand in the way of my might, for I am the spirit of the
warriors past, the ultimate of the times, the best of the best of the best.
I am he who shall smite all darkness from this world.  I blah blah blah, big
word, blah blah, really big word, blah blah blah, yakity smackity, blah
(NOTE:  Rather than subject you all to the rest of this speech, I’ll just
skip to the end.  Is that okay with all of you?)  THE BLUE THUNDER OF
FURINKAN HIGH!!!!"  *KRACK-KA-BOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!*
 The sound of the lightning scares Ryo-oh-ki awake, and unintentionally set
off her personal defense system.  A laser beam shoots from the jewel on her
forehead, reducing the Blue Thunder, into a pile of Black Soot.
*BEYOOOOOOOU* *ding* And he is done.
 Various members of the Ranma ½ cast, and the Tenchi Muyo cast rush to the
scene.
 "OH MY GOD!!!  SHE KILLED KUNO!!!"  screams Nabiki.
 "HOW CAN WE EVER REPAY YOU!?!?!"  says Akane, to Ryo-oh-ki.
 Ryo-oh-ki pulls a wooden sign out of nowhere.  [Carrots!  Lots and lots of
carrots!]
 Meanwhile, Ranma is talking to Tenchi.
 "Look, I didn’t realize you were so sensitive about that sort of thing."
Says Ranma.
 "Okay, just don’t do that again." Says Tenchi.  "My doctor says that I’m
suffering from too much blood loss as it is.  Hey, want a pork-chop?"
 "Hey, thanks.  Where’d you get em?"
 "Oh, Mihoshi said she found them somewhere."
 "Lucky girl."  says Ranma.  "She finds free food just lying around, and I
can’t hide the lunch Akane made for me, to save my life."
 "OH, SO YOU’RE THE ONE WHO HID THE LUNCH I MADE FOR YOU!!!!"  says Akane.
 "Uh-oh."  Would be the last thing Ranma would say for awhile.

*WHAMMO!!!*

 "Honestly, he can be such a jerk, sometimes."  Grumbles Akane.
 "Uh, want a pork-chop?"  says Tenchi, a large sweatdrop on the back of his
head.
 "Thanks."  Says Akane.  As she eats the pork-chop, it reminds her of
something she was wondering earlier.  "Oh, by the way.  Have you seen my pet
pig anywhere?  Small, black, wares a yellow bandanna, answers to the name of
P-Chan?"
 "No, can’t say that I have."  Replies Tenchi, before taking a bite out of
the pork-chop.

End.

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

 Actually I was inspired to write this when I read about another short Fan
Fic about a battle between Tenchi and Ranma.  In that one, Tenchi won the
battle when Ryoko knocked Ranma out by hitting him on the head with a
foreign object (Mayuka) . . .  I guess that would mean sometimes stupid
stories are inspired by other stories.
 Okay, I admit that I’m feeling sorry about that last MST that I recently
did.  Just because some of the jokes are similar, in other MST’s, I got a
complaint.  Well, that got me considering the fact that I really had no
stories of my own that were MSTd.  Because of this, I’m actually publishing
this short Fic, with this notice.

 NOTICE:  I decree that this Fic is probably the stupidest, dumbest, and
most off beat Fic that I have ever allowed to be posted.  Someone, ANYONE,
please MST this thing.  Spencer, Shade, Brian, the guy who said bad things
about "A Secret Confession", MST THIS DARN FIC!!!   Team Rocket makes an
unscheduled guest appearance!!  That’s got to be worth a joke or two!!!
Wait!  Where are you going!?  Don’t leave!!!  I’m serious!  I’d MST it
myself, but my group would kill me in the first act, and besides I want to
see some one else do it!!!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!

 And there you have it.  This will be up for grabs, to all who wish to try
their hand at MSTing it.  Have fun.  ^_^

Peter Suzuki.

---------------------------

detach from this dotted line, if you are MSTing this Fic.  The following has
little or nothing to do with the story.

 Recently I was surfing my way through the Internet, when I came upon some
of the small press comics known as "Dojinshi".  These comics are
occasionally hentai (If you have to ask me how I know this, then you don’t
know me very well.), and a vast majority of them, a bit under half of them
to be precise, are parodies and/or continuations of other anime and manga
series.
 Now here is what I am wondering;  What if someone were to find a way to MST
the Dojinshi?
Through use of cutting and pasting the individual scenes of each page, using
a scanner, and then working in the paint programs to cut and past shadow
cutouts of theater seats, MST cast in various poses, and word balloons,
someone could actually make this attempt come true, with a little work.
 This is just an idea I had, and anyone reading this can also attempt it if
they so like.

Peter Suzuki.