Angels, Heaven, and Earth
                                by Ken Arromdee

                                   Chapter 8
                            "Therefore Choose Life"

    It was done.  Sympathizing for Shinji, a mother who lost her own son
twenty
thousand years ago had given Shinji a gift.  With this gift, he and NERV had
liberated his mother from a decade of captivity in the Evangelion units.
The
nagging irrational doubt in his mind, that somehow he was responsible for
his
own mother's loss, had finally been silenced.

    And then everything had gone wrong.  Shinji's mother had betrayed him;
she
not only still loved his father, which Shinji could understand to some
extent,
she was completely on his side.  Her one overriding desire when she merged
into that plug had been to complete the project, and even after ten years
none
of that dedication had lessened.  She spent half her time far away in the
complex, probably working with that secret committee.  And the rest of her
time
she spent in his father's hospital room.  Ten years had passed, and she
couldn't afford to spend more than five minutes on her son.

    If that had happened a few months before, Shinji would have retreated
into
his room, closed the door, and stared at the wall until the need for food or
sleep finally distracted him, or until Asuka or Misato would come by to pull
him out of his self-loathing state.  But times had changed.  Despite
Shinji's
father and now, despite his mother, NERV was not a bad place.  Shinji had
friends, he had people who cared about him, and while his father was no
nicer
close up than far away, Shinji was slowly beginning to understand that
Gendou
was a driven man, not someone who just tormented Shinji out of personal
sadism.
Being at NERV allowed Shinji to heal, and barring a relentless series of
personal disasters, eventually insured that he would.

    "I'm here to see my father", Shinji told the blue-suited guard.  "Ikari
Gendou.  He was shot a few days ago."

    Shinji wasn't certain what he'd do if the guard didn't let him in.  Be
firm
and insist, or just run away in relief that he didn't have to go through
with
it.  The guard, though, just looked him up, explained "He's in room 305.
Sign
in and go see him", and waved Shinji on through after he signed the visitor
list.

    Shinji opened the door and slammed a get-well card down next to his
father's prone, white-gowned form.  "Here", he said, ready to leave if the
man
woke up.

    "Hello Shinji" said the voice of his mother.  Shinji now noticed she was
standing on the window side of the hospital room.

    Shinji looked over at her.  "Hello", he said.  "I see that you're here
again.  You care about my father very much, don't you?"

    "We've worked very closely together, Shinji" she replied.  "Even though
you used to be too young to understand.  Oh, and thank you for bringing me
out of the Eva.  That insane woman Ritsuko could have shot Gendou any time,
and if he's in this condition I am the only other one who can make sure the
project works as we want it...."

    "What about me?  Don't you care about me?"

    "Of course I do."

    "Why did you abandon me ten years ago, Mom?

    "He told you.  You ran away from him.  And he allowed it, because it let
you stay safe."

    "That's not what I'm talking about!" yelled Shinji.  "Not him, you.  If
you
went into the Eva on purpose you _knew_ that I'd be growing up without a
mother.  You're as bad as he is!"

    "It's only temporary, Shinji.  We're going to create a new world where
we
can be together in a much better way.  You may think you had to sacrifice a
lot, but so did we.  Tell me, if you think you suffered so much, could you
have
discarded your body never knowing if and when you'd get it back, like I did?
Could you have worked with SEELE and lived under the threat of a bullet in
the
back if you didn't play them off against each other in just the right way,
like your father did?  It's been hard on all of us, Shinji."

    "It's different when you accept pain that you've made, and when you
force
it onto someone else.  You never asked me if I wanted to have this instead
of a
real family."

    "Shinji", said his mother, "you need to understand.  You have this idea
that you can't do everything you want, and that adults can.  Your father and
I
can't just choose things any more than you can.  If I could press a button
and
unite the world without affecting you, I gladly would.  But I can't.  Your
father can't.  So stop thinking of yourself all the time and consider us for
a
change."

    "You don't consider anyone else!  Did you even ask if anyone in the
world
wanted to be 'united'?"

    "Stop that", mumbled Gendou through the respiratory tube in his mouth.
A hospital buzzer was located on a table near the bed; he reached upwards
for
it, with a still-gloved hand.

    "Shinji is right", said a voice very much like Yui's, from outside.  And
then, through the door--literally, through the door--stepped a ghostly
apparition of Rei, wearing her usual schoolgirl uniform but making no sound
or
even vibration.

    "The guards had strict orders not to let..." murmured Gendou as his hand
fell away from the button.

    Yui instinctively reached into her pocket for her gun, but stopped,
quickly
realizing that it would be worse than useless.

    "I didn't pass the guards", responded Rei.  "I came here in my own way
because I knew that Shinji was visiting and I wanted him to have company.
It
is hard for him to even bring you a card, let alone talk, because you treat
him like you treat me."

    "Rei, this is a private family matter", said Yui.  "Please go."

    "She deserves to be here", said Shinji.  "You know how she was created.
>From you, and by Dad.  If there is anyone who deserves to be here, it's
her."

    "No", replied Yui.  "It's more private than that.  You weren't supposed
to
know all there was to know about the project, Shinji.  You, and Rei, were
both
supposed to help.  You've gotten far more involved and far more hurt than
you
should be, because of that alien influence...."

    "That 'alien influence', Mom", answered Shinji, "is more human than you
and Dad have been acting!  All they want to do is live here.  But you...  I
loved you!  Losing you meant everything!  And now you're back and not only
do
you not care, you don't even not care because of anything normal.  How many
boys have parents who ignore them because they would rather spend a few
hours
plotting to destroy the world?"

                                *   *   *   *   *

    "It's useless, Akuma", said Shinji.  "Mom really is just like Dad, and
today only made that clearer.  I went in there to give Dad a get-well card
and
I ended up arguing...  I don't know what I'm going to do.  I only have one
set
of parents."

    "I'm all out of advice", replied Akuma.  "All I can suggest is that you
try to live making the best of what you've got.  You know, when I first met
you
I thought it would be easy for me to help you to open up a little bit more.
Now I realize it's something you had to do yourself, like Mom did.  I think
you've pretty much done it.  What's left... is just life."

    "I guess it's one thing I've learned, Akuma.  It's not me that's
worthless.
It's them.  I'm going to have to stay with Misato until I'm 18... I hope I
can
get into a good college."

    "See?  How many times did you ever think about college three months ago,
Shinji?"

    "Umm.  Not a lot", replied the boy.  "Not at all.  Maybe you're right."

    Akuma nodded.

    "Then there's Rei.  I don't know how to think of her.  She's related to
me
but in a weird way... how do you do that in your family?"

    "In my family?  Let me see, Mayuka was created with genetic material
from
my Dad, so she's his daughter...  Minagi was created with genetic material
from
my Mom, so she's her sister...  You know, I don't think we have any rules
for
that, Shinji.  We just do it by ear.  If you go by ages, she's your sister."

    "But she's really that thing on a cross in a cave full of bloody juice.
Akuma, this is all completely beyond my experience."

    "Don't worry, Shinji" said Akuma.  "My great-aunt is a tree.  It doesn't
affect us as much as you'd think."

                                *   *   *   *   *

    Funny, thought Shinji as he plunged a tangle of tofu-laced ramen into
his
mouth.  It was supposed to be suicides who try to clear up all the loose
ends
in their life.  But now that Shinji wasn't constantly wishing to end his own
life, he'd been going at the loose ends with a vengeance.  He had given up
on
seeking his father's approval.  He had learned the truth behind NERV and the
Human Complementation Project.  And now, he had helped restore his mother to
life, and understood why she had gone.

    Now would come one of the harder loose ends to resolve.  When Shinji
confronted his mother with her poor treatment of him, it was ultimately, not
about her alone, but about his relationship with her.  It was his own
feelings
which drove him to talk back instead of taking everything silently, and what
little catharsis he might have wrung from that act steadied his own heart.
But telling Asuka about her mother required a different sort of courage; not
the courage to stand up for oneself, but the courage to keep up with
difficult
responsibilities.  He had to tell Asuka, because that was the right thing to
do, even though telling her would make both her and himself miserable.

    Shinji put down his chopsticks.  "Asuka?  Misato?" he queried.  They
were
both still eating their ramen.  "There's something I have to tell Asuka.
You,
er, didn't tell her about it already, Misato?"

    Misato thought, no doubt trying to remember just what Shinji was
referring
to, then shook her head.

    "Hey, what is this?" said Asuka.  "It had better be good, Idiot Shinji.
I'm pretty hungry."

    "Oh, believe me, it's pretty good", replied Shinji.  "You won't like it,
though.  Your mother's dead.  Recently."

    "Oh", said Asuka.  "I'm so disappointed."  Shinji couldn't tell how much
of
that was real, how much was sarcasm, and how much of the sarcasm was
bluster.
"So it's another trip to the foster parent agency for me...."

    "Your real mother, Asuka."

    "WHAT?" yelled Asuka, spraying tiny drops of broth everywhere.

    "My mother was stuck in the Eva.  Your mother's soul was stuck in yours.
That's why she went nuts.  It's a little hard to be sane without a soul."

    "Idiot Shinji, my Eva's gone.  Kaput.  It got destroyed by the 14th
Angel."

    Shinji nodded.  "Yes."

    "You're sick, Idiot Shinji.  Sick sick sick.  To even say something like
that."

    "He's right", said Misato.  "We didn't know about it until the Juraians
told us."

    "Asuka", said Shinji.  "It's hard enough for me to have to tell you this
at
all.  I didn't have to, you know.  I'm doing you a favor.  Do you think Dad
would have told you?  _He_ knew all along."

    "No", said Asuka.  Tears began to seep out of her eyes.  "You're right,
he
wouldn't...  Is it really true?"  The haunted look on Shinji's face was all
the answer Asuka needed.  "They betrayed me!  NERV killed her, they put her
in
that machine, they must have lied to me a dozen times...  if only I had
known."

    "If only you had known you'd have done what?" asked Shinji.

    "I don't know!  But maybe I could get them to get her out of there
somehow.
They could give her a body... they made Rei, didn't they?  It's not fair!
You're telling me NERV ruined our entire lives all for this... secret plot."

    At least she's not blaming me, thought Shinji.  "Yes I am", he said
dejectedly.  "We don't really matter.  They don't care about us.  It's like
my Dad, and my Mom, thought it was so much fun to hate me that they decided
that everyone should be that way."

    "You're whining again!" yelled Asuka.

    Shinji looked at Asuka.

    "After this we do have the right, don't we, Idiot Shinji.  Funny, I
accepted I wasn't ever going to be a pilot again...  and now I find out I
should have never wanted to be in the first place."  She dumped her
remaining
ramen in the sink and went off.  A low sobbing could be heard coming from
her
bed all that night.

                                *   *   *   *   *

    Misato stood over the final resting place of Akagi Ritsuko and tossed a
pebble on top.  "Goodbye, Ritsuko", she said.

    "Goodbye, Ritsuko" said Kaji a moment later, putting his arm around
Misato
in an attempt to comfort her.

    As the funeral ended and the mourners began to file out, Sasami
approached
the two.  "I never thought I'd be seeing someone in our class die so soon.
It
was a terrible waste."

    "Another NERV death", said Misato.  "You know, I don't even care that
she
brought it on herself by shooting Gendou.  He deserved it... he deserved
having
his manipulation of people backfire on him for once.  My father died because
of
that man....  I've got to get out of this, I'm involved too deep."

    "Hey", said Kaji.  "We're all involved by far too much.  The IID just
got
orders to completely stop investigating the SEELE case.  They must have
found
out about us... if they weren't there behind us all along.  I'm afraid too.
I keep wondering how long it's going to be before everyone becomes like poor
Ritsuko in there."
                                *   *   *   *   *

    "Incoming!  Angel attack!" announced the loudspeaker.  "Would pilots
Ikari Shinji and Masaki Akuma please report to the command center...
Repeat,
Angel attack...."

    I didn't know I was a pilot again, thought Akuma as he left the room.
"Well, Shinji", he said, "it's another one.  This one, and then one more,
and
then the Angels are gone.  You still going through with it?  You could
always
say no.  Your mother could pilot it, and I don't think they'd let her
dissolve
this time."

    Shinji shrugged and pointed in the sky.  "Look, up there", he said.
"That
ring of light... the Angel, I'm sure.  If I don't stop it, it's going to
come
into the dome and this base and maybe the whole planet are going to go up in
fire and dust and rainstorms of LCL.  It's going to kill Asuka, and Misato,
and
Kensuke and Touji and me and probably you...  I have a responsibility.  I
can't
just pass it to someone else."

    "You don't want to do it any more, do you, Shinji?"

    "No, I don't, Akuma."

    "I'll see you there at NERV", said Akuma.  "Maybe."

    "You're not coming?" asked Shinji.  "With your powers...."

    "My parents are a lot more powerful than me" replied Akuma.  "NERV might
want me to fight, but Mom and Dad don't.  It wouldn't make any sense for me
to
go and endanger my life.  I'm just a kid like you, Shinji.  It's good to be
independent, but in this case, it's an exception.  Bye."  Akuma winked out
of existence.

                                *   *   *   *   *

    SEELE's newest member was also its oldest.  Ikari Yui had returned.  She
sat between the slabs with the highest and lowest numbers, her seat raised
so
that nobody could mistake her for any unfortunates who might find themselves
on the floor inside that circle.

    "So you've found the seventeenth Angel?" asked Yui.  "You've thought so
before.  The consequence of that mistake was catastrophic.  My husband is
bedridden; we're faced with a threat of unknown power; most of the Units at
NERV were destroyed; and Rei has gone rogue."

    "There is no mistake", said black slab 05.  "He's quite willing to work
with us, and we already have his cell samples."

    "Send him in" replied Yui.

    The boy they brought in looked somewhat like Rei, his eyes red and his
hair
the color of a fluorescent light.  His gait was far too confident to be that
of
a fourteen year old boy led into a place full of strange, mechanized,
voices.

    "Hello" said Yui.  "I haven't had the pleasure of an introduction.  I am
Ikari Yui, Advisor Emeritus to the SEELE Central Committee."

    "I am Nagisa Kaworu" he replied, bowing.  "I have also been called
Tabris."

    "You are the last Angel?"

    "I am the first and the last, the beginning and the end."

    "You have been informed of our offer?" she asked.

    "I have been informed.  In a week, you will enroll me at NERV as the
Fifth
Child, to replace this Lilim named Shinji.  I will wait until the appointed
moment, and then I will make my way down to the body of Adam for reunion."

    Very trusting boy, thought Yui.  Too bad for him that he doesn't
understand
quite enough things about us 'Lilim', such as suspicion.  For instance, he
never bothered to ask just why the week's delay, or why he was supposed to
go
and do it himself by sneaking in, when the easiest way would be for one of
SEELE--who could go anywhere they want--to just bring him there.  The
reason,
of course, was that the week delay let them finish cloning the dummy system
for the Mass Production Evas, and that the sneaking in was so that SEELE was
unoccupied and could direct the new Impact from afar.

    "Excellent", replied Yui.  "There is one other suggestion, but it's not
part of any deal.  it's just a suggestion."

    "What is it, Ms. Ikari?"

    "Drop the 'Lilim' word.  It doesn't make any sense to pretend to be one
of
us and then use phrases like that; any halfway-bright NERV scientist would
figure things out instantly."

                                *   *   *   *   *

    Ten intermediate jumps afterwards, Akuma teleported into the house, and
proceeded to fly through it in search of any human (or humanoid) presence.
Stairs, ceilings, and walls were no barrier.  But the only one he could find
was Sasami, who was sitting on the couch perusing a photograph of some black
spherical thing.  "Hi...  you're back from the funeral, I see..." he said.

    "Oh, hello Akuma.  What did your Dad tell you about keeping your shoes
on
indoors?  Just because you're floating is no excuse, you know."

    "Please!" said Akuma.  "Aunt Sasami, it's an emergency.  We just got
word of another Angel attack.  We need everyone's help to destroy it.  I
don't
know if Shinji and I can do it ourselves...."

    "I'll be ready right away... anyway, your Dad and Mom are over in the
Dark
Dimension helping to install light fixtures.  Don't worry, Washuu did make a
way to contact them in case of Angel attack."  Sasami reached under the
couch,
only to pull out a big red button.  The button had an air of familiarity
about
it; Akuma suspected that Washuu had purchased them in bulk.  Sasami pressed
the
button.  "Now, let's wait", she told her grand-nephew.

    "What's that picture?" asked Akuma.  "The big black thing?"

    "Oh, it's nothing..." explained Sasami.  "There was just something
familiar
about this.  The Black Moon, I know I saw it before, but I can't seem to put
my
finger on exactly where."

    Tenchi, Ryouko, and Mayuka appeared, bathed in the light of a glowing
gem
illuminating them from its position on the floor.  "Mom?  Dad?" said Akuma.
"You have to go get the Angel.  Shinji's going to be in real trouble if you
don't...."

    "Where is it?" asked Ryouko.

    "Right by NERV.  It's this huge glowing ring in the sky."

    "All right.  That Angel is as good as dead.  You'd better get back to
school.  We love both of you.  Bye Mayuka, bye Akuma."  Ryouko put her arm
around Tenchi, took Sasami's hand, and they all disappeared.

    Mayuka looked at Akuma.

    "Um.  It isn't my fault.  Really." said Akuma apologetically.

    "Oh, I know.  Want to do some sword practice before they get back?"

                                *   *   *   *   *

    The Angel transformed from a ring of light into a circular double helix
and
then began to fire a beam.  Maya's speculation was that the beam was meant
as
a mental probe, but verification of that theory would forever elude her; the
Angel did not survive long enough for her to find out.  Tenchi, Ryouko, and
Sasami had planned their fight for maximum efficiency.  They put up shields
before ever approaching the Angel, and used their strongest attacks
immediately
rather than saving them for the last minute like a sentai team trying to
maximize its toy sales.

    The floating double helix flared out as brightly as the sun, and then
exploded into a cloud of disappearing sparks.

                                *   *   *   *   *

    The Eva's viewscreen showed Shinji the Angel accompanied by three
miniscule
human figures.  Their own bodies blazed with energy, aimed to kill the
invader.
Shinji watched the heavens glow momentarily, followed by an explosive roar.
The Angel was gone now; all that was left of the battle scene was three
figures
englobed in light.  Then those too vanished.

    As the entry plug was removed from the Eva and he coughed up syrupy LCL
and
stepped onto solid ground again, Shinji considered the situation.  One more
Angel was dead; there were two left.  The ancient experiment whose loose
ends
were left for the twenty-first century human race to clean up, the
experiment
Shinji's parents wouldn't even tell him about, would soon come to an end.
Soon?  No, it wouldn't soon end.  It had already ended.  Shinji hadn't taken
more than a step in his Eva this time.

    "It's over", he told Misato.  "I didn't do anything... _they're_ taking
care of the problem.  We have two more to go, and then...."

    "One more to go, Shinji.  Last week there were some odd AT Field
readings
from orbit.  We found an Angel there, out of reach of anything we could send
at it.  We found it when it was just waking up.  We found it when it died."

    "Oh.  What happens when it's over, Misato?  It's not the Angels we have
to
worry about any more, it's SEELE... do you think the aliens will take care
of
them?"

    "I don't know" she replied.  "They want to.  I know Ryouko wants to,
anyway.  Anybody who knows what they're really up to would have to.  But
they're secret.  You can't just go in and blast them to bits without knowing
where they are.  And if SEELE can find a way to start the Third Impact
without
anybody knowing until it happens, then we've all lost, aliens or no aliens.
We need to keep alert and watch for that.  But the first thing we need to
watch
out for is our own safety.  Shinji, what is it that usually happens when the
government really doesn't want some people around who know too much?"

    "They get rid of us...  Misato, are they going to kill everyone?"

    "I hope not."

                                *   *   *   *   *

    "Why are they still alive?" asked Yui.

    "There's been a problem", grated monolith 05.  A computer screen lit
itself
up on Yui's chair and began to play a video.  "This message", that voice
explained, "was received five days ago, along with a forty page manuscript."

    A bright and happy animated scene of dancing cabbits and crabs, drawn
all
in pastels, filled the terminal screen.

    "The first two minutes was like this", boomed out another monolith.
"The
content appears later on."  Somewhere, whatever intelligence manifested
through
that black slab did what it needed to speed the transmission, and the
animals
whizzed around in fast-forward mode until Yui reached the start of the
message
itself.

    "And now that you've all relaxed for a bit", said a redhead female
scientist, "here's the scoop.  We know some things.  They are printed in the
famous award-winning 'A Guide to NERV and SEELE', which may never be
available
at a retailer near you.  Unless, of course, any strange things happen to any
of the people we've told about you, in which case ten television stations,
prime ministers, and other people whom you might not want reading this book
will be receiving copies gratis.  Twenty if anyone dies outright under
suspicious circumstances.  You see, we're not out for justice.  We really
don't care if you retire to Argentina... as long as you leave everyone
alone."

    "The book", explained a faceless voice, "had a description of NERV,
SEELE,
GEHIRN, the Second Impact, an accurate analysis of its true causes, and an
explanation of Angels, Evas, Adam, Lilith, the Secret Dead Sea Scrolls
including parts we haven't even found, as well as a short list of third
world
military interventions instigated by SEELE.  It even mentions the Madagascar
incident."

    "They're toying with us", said Yui.  "We need to finish the project as
suddenly as we can.  If we do it right, by the time the aliens become aware,
it'll all be over anyway.  Tabris may be our best hope now."

                                *   *   *   *   *

    Misato's kitchen was small, barely a table and refrigerator.  Asuka
opened
the fridge and took her dinner plate out.  Misato hadn't even cooked this
day;
Asuka bet she was spending time getting sloshed with her good buddy from
outer
space.  Asuka could hardly believe Misato would trust someone like that.

    Shinji was already sitting at the table staring at a tangle of yellowish
noodles.  "Hello Asuka." he said.

    "Feeling sorry for yourself, Idiot Shinji?"

    "You're a jerk, Asuka" he replied.

    Oh, man, thought Asuka.  Shinji's gone nuts.  "What?"

    "I said, you're a jerk.  Suppose I am feeling sorry for myself.  So?"

    "So...?"  Shinji didn't get it.  "So don't!  Idiot Shinji, your parents
are
still alive.  If there's anyone who has a right to whine, it's me.  And I
don't."

    "No?"

    "You're not trying to make fun of me, are you?"

    "Asuka, ever since you got here you've been yelling, screaming, trying
to
compete on the most ridiculous things, and generally making my life a living
hell.  It's not right, and I'm going to ask you to quit it.  We're supposed
to
be getting along."

    "Come on, Idiot Shinji, it..."  Wait.  Asuka figured it out.  This was
some
kind of gag.  Maybe Rei put him up to this... that must be it.  Rei would
never
act this way herself, so somehow she conned Shinji into doing it.  "It's not
funny.  I don't take orders from you."

    "Who do you take orders from?"

    "Ah...  Kaji!  I take orders from Kaji!"  Asuka served herself some
extra
ramen.  The source was the bowl that Shinji had put in the center of the
table.

    "He's got a girlfriend.  Asuka, I'm trying to change now.  Too much of
what I've based my life on is wrong.  I could have gone forever thinking my
mother was this pure angel who would never have liked what my father is like
now, but she's not.  Not unless it means the kind of angel that likes to
destroy the human race.  I believed that for ten years... but it wasn't
true.
I need to face reality, Asuka.  And so do you."

    Not a very funny joke.  Maybe Asuka's first thought was right; Shinji
was
going nuts.  "I do not."

    "When's your mother's funeral, Asuka?"

    "You are so unfair!" yelled Asuka and left with her food plate.  A
moment
later she returned just long enough to grab a beer can before making her way
out again.

                                *   *   *   *   *

    There wasn't going to be any funeral, of course.  The fact that not all
of
Soryuu Kyouko Zeppelin had died ten years ago was a secret once shared only
by
those with a need to know.  Those evil bastards at SEELE and NERV only had
one
idea of "need", and Asuka didn't fit it.

    Asuka knew better than to assume that just because she had found out,
any
of that would change.  There was no way NERV would announce one of their
biggest mistakes just to be sure that a dead woman they screwed over would
be
remembered as she should be.

    But Asuka didn't have to obey that.  Nobody else might care, but she
did.
She knew what had happened to her mother now.  She could remember her
properly,
no matter who else wanted to forget her.

    Asuka kneeled down to her mother's grave and placed a bouquet of white
carnations by the tombstone.  She thought her mother liked white...  even
though it was so long ago that Asuka could hardly remember.  She should like
white anyway.

    "Mom", said Asuka, "I never knew you much.  Thanks to the project, I
didn't get a chance.  They broke you into pieces, they made you reject me,
reject life.  I thought you had failed me because I had failed you...  now I
know the truth.  You were killed, killed by the same people we both trusted
for
so long.  I wonder how much you saw of me...  how much you were aware of,
whatever of you was still alive inside that machine.  If you could see me
grow
up.  If I was ever able to make you proud of me.  I hope you weren't
embarrassed too much when me and Idiot Shinji had our fights....

    "And I hope that somehow you can hear me.  We were never really
believers,
but I don't have to believe.  Now I know.  There has to be such a thing as a
soul, because NERV found it.  They found yours, and locked it up until you
broke down.  At least if you can't be alive now, you're no longer inside
that
cage, and I'm no longer your unknowing jailor.  I like to think your soul
would
wait for the last goodbye before going off somewhere.

    "Goodbye, Mom.  I miss you...  I really do...  I'll do whatever is
needed
now, even if I don't know what that is yet... and you can finally rest in
peace."

                                *   *   *   *   *

    "Hey, girl" said a familiar voice as Asuka got up to leave.  She looked
over her shoulder, and there stood Kaji and Misato.  Of all the lousy...
why
was he _here_?  She liked him.  She liked being around him...  at any other
time.  Was he spying on her?

    "Hi", replied Asuka.  "Why are you here?"

    "I'm visiting my father's grave", said Misato.  "Everything was
destroyed
at the South Pole, but they put his gravestone here.  It's the only time
I've
ever been here knowing how he really died.  And I'm stopping by Ritsuko's
again.  Kaji is accompanying me."

    "I...  oh" answered Asuka.  Yeah, oh.  "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell
at you.  Did you...  did you hear any of it?"

    "Hear?" answered Misato.  "Oh, you must have been saying some kind of
prayer.  I didn't hear it, but I can guess what it was all about.  That's
your
mother's grave."

    "I could never lay her to rest for ten years" said Asuka.  "But she's
dead
for real now."

    "By the way, Shinji's waiting outside."

    "Shinji?  What's Idiot Shinji doing here?  I need to have a word with
him.
Er, excuse me, Misato, Mr. Kaji."

    Misato and Kaji looked at each other and walked onwards.  Asuka, on the
other hand, ran back to give the boy a piece of her mind.

    "Hi" he said.

    "Idiot Shinji!  Don't tell me you came here to see your mother's grave
like
Misato and her father."

    "I'm not", replied Shinji.  "I was just wondering if you wanted me to
walk
home with you.  This wasn't something I should have rubbed your face into."

    "You came all the way here for that, I suppose this is one of those
'we're
all suffering so let's suffer together' kind of things, right?"

    "Maybe.  I don't know." replied Shinji.  "I can go if you want me to."

    "No, Idiot Shinji.  You're coming with me."

    Shinji smiled slightly.

    "But don't think this means that I'm going to stop telling you when
you're
doing something that you need to get told about, Idiot Shinji!"

                                *   *   *   *   *

    Ayanami Rei watched the teacher and busily jotted down all the notes she
could.  By the time the final bell of the day rang she had several pages of
material set aside for future study.

    She would need it to take the exams, after all.  Exams were necessary in
order to pass the class, and without passing the class there was no way to
advance to a higher grade or ever get into a good college, and after
that....

    Rei never really thought about it much.  She didn't expect, or really
want,
to survive that long.  Maybe she'd die on one of those missions Gendou sent
her
on in the Eva.  And if not, one day he would finish the Instrumentality
Project
and call on her, and her true end would come then.  Rei had welcomed that.
It
would be a release from a life that she didn't understand, that was spent
acting towards goals that she didn't share.

    "I wish I could get up the nerve to ask her out" said Touji's distant
voice.  His gesture towards her made it clear that she was once again the
topic
of discussion.  They thought she didn't notice.  But she did.  She just
didn't
care what happened to her in this life.

    "Are you kidding?" replied someone else's voice.  "If she's going out
with
anyone it's Akuma and that only happened once....  Besides they say she's
not
really human...  some kind of android built by Gendou.  That's why she
always
does what he says."

    "Are _you_ kidding?  When she was hurt she had bandages and
everything...
That's no android.  She just doesn't like you very much, that's all."

    Enough.  Sasami had made Rei believe that it is possible for there to be
hope in life.  Rei _did_ care, and if she was bothered by people talking in
front of her face as if she didn't exist she would have to take it upon
herself
to tell them not to do it.  "I'm not an android or a puppet", she said.
"And
if there is something you want to say to me, then say it.  There is nothing
wrong with my ears."

    "I'm sorry!" screamed the second boy, cringing a bit.

    "All r-right" said Touji with a stammer.  "Willyougooutwithme?"

    Rei did like Akuma.  He knew Rei's whole story and he didn't think any
less of her.  He couldn't, with his background.  And he was related to
Sasami.
"No", replied Rei.  "Because then Akuma won't ask me again."

    "Boy, are you out of luck, Touji" said the second teen.  "She never
talks
except to say the word 'no' to you.  Hey, Rei, funny you should start
talking
just for that, huh, huh?"

    "I am not only not a puppet, I'm also not a joke" replied Rei.

    "Hmph" interjected Asuka as she passed nearby.  "We all get treated like
that by guys, Wonder Girl.  You just need to get used to it.  It's life."

    "I don't understand life" replied Rei.

    "Gimme a break" said Asuka.

    "I mean it" said Rei.  "I didn't want to live, so I didn't care how I
did
live.  But now that I've changed my mind I see that I have a long way to go
before I'd be like you."

    Asuka considered that.  "Not being a doll is good.  But you don't want
to
be me, Wonder Girl.  Being me sucks."

                                *   *   *   *   *

    Misato, meanwhile, was relaxing in the world's only floating onsen.
Wisps
of steam curled around her exposed chest and shoulders and head.  The woman
near her was sitting on the water nude, dangling her legs into it... but
there
was nothing under her behind to support her other than some heated water.

    "I really appreciate this, Ryouko" said Misato, downing the last of her
beer.  "It's a great place to drink."

    "Have some more?" said the cyan-haired alien.  "It's free!"

    "Sorry... I have to work early tomorrow.  They're bringing in another
Child
because they don't sink... think Shinji is reliable any more.  I can't shake
off the effects of the booze like you can.  Sometimes I wish I could be like
you and sit here whenever I want to...."

    "Well, I'm not here all day.  There's Tenchi and the family and the ship
and house and all that other shtuff...  and Mayuka and Akuma used to keep me
_really_ busy.  But I figure, if I can come here, and I want to come here,
why
not?"  She hiccuped, though the effects of the alcohol on her seemed to
Misato
to be, as always, surprisingly light.  "You decided what you're gonna do
when
it all blows up...  blows over?"

    "I don't know.  Get a transfer.  Write a book?"

    "Thatsh always good.  I wrote a book once."

    "You don't strike me as a book writing type."

    "Well, I did!  Oh, and why not marry Kaji?  You seem to like each
other."

    "If I did we'd have to talk about it and think about it...  we just
started
seeing each other again...  But look at me, I'm stuck with two kids and it's
not even from another relationship."

    "It can't be that bad, Misato...."

    "Oh, it's not, really.  It's just...  they have issues.  Them and Rei.
They're sort of like me.  NERV has been this big thing that's taken over our
lives and there's just no way to escape it.  Except by dying.  Like
Ritsuko."

    "I thought that for thousands of years, Misato...  it isn't true.
There's
always a way out."

    "Maybe you're right...  hey, if I can say 'maybe you're right' it can't
be
that bad, can it?  It's getting worse for the bosses...  there's this rumor
going around that Ikari Yui has to relieve stress by masturbating over
Gendou
in the hospital.  And you didn't need to do anything except kill some Angels
and spread some information.  NERV and SEELE are going out with a whimper...
and for anyone who knows what they've done and what they want to do, that
feels
very good."

    Ryouko nodded.

    "The kids don't feel worthless any more.  They've had bad lives...  but
they understand it now.  They know it's not their fault, and they know that
there's no way the people who ruined them can win.  Maybe we have a chance
after all."

                                *   *   *   *   *

    "Our chance to win", said Yui to the assembled multitude of voices.  "We
must prepare; the Fifth Child is ready."  Simultaneously, Nagisa Kaworu was
shown the way to his rather spartan quarters, and got ready to deliver the
world to its future.