DISCLAIMER: Tenchi Muyo! and all original characters therein are copyright AIC and Pioneer Entertainment. TOM II and The Absolution are copyright Cartoon Network. Any and all other anime series and their characters in this fic are copyright their respective production companies. This fanfic copyright Ian Sagat 2002. In the spirit of the hilarious little skits Cartoon Network likes to produce, I decided to see what would happen when we follow the Tenchi crew to a Toonami reunion party onboard TOM II's ship, The Absolution. Needless to say this will poke massive fun at Cartoon Network's "editing" habits, not to mention the shows themselves. So sit back and enjoy. ABOSOLUTION CHAOS A fanfic by IAN SAGAT Somewhere in deep space, a long way from the planet known as Earth, a strange looking spacecraft soared through the vast void towards its destination. Stranger even than the ship itself, however, was the group of passengers inside the vessel known as...Ryo-Ohki. Tenchi: How much further is it, Ryoko? Ryoko: About ten more minutes, Tenchi. Sasami: Good, Ryo-Ohki may be cute, but she sure isn't all that comfortable. Ryo-Ohki (from seemingly everywhere around them): Hey, thanks a lot! Sakuya (playing Spades on a box with both Kagato's and Nagi): Well, she never had to stuff all of us from all three series in here at once before. Mihoshi (playing a Game Boy Advance): Too bad Pioneer wouldn't let us take out the Yagami. Kiyone: That's because the last time they let you use it off the set you crashed into an asteroid. Mihoshi (sticking out her tongue): Nyahh! Ayeka (snoring): Snort...ftzphtt. Yugi (reading a copy of Maxim): I hope this trip is worth it. Washu: It should, I mean, a reunion of all the Toonami shows? This should be good. Remember the Midnight Run party when they had the Gundam Wing women at the table next to the Sailor Scouts? Nobuyuki (looking up from reading Yugi's Maxim over her shoulder): Oh yeah! That was great! Better than WWF! Yosho (reading a copy of Hagakure): It's WWE now, Nobuyuki. Don't want to irritate the World Wildlife Federation people. Tenchi: (rolling his eyes): Of course not. And so, the ship continued on it's way, the passengers going about whatever they were doing to pass the time, when soon... Absolution Computer Woman (popping up on a flatscreen holo-display): Greetings, Tenchi Party members. Ryoko: 'Sup. So where am I parking? ACW: You are cleared for docking on pad 32. The party is being held on deck 12, a hover-drone will escort you upon landing. Ryoko: Alright, Ryo-Ohki out. (display disappears) The group looked out of Ryo-Ohki's domed glass to see the huge ship Absolution rapidly growing in the distance. Soon the ship filled their view as Ryo-Ohki approached the docking bay doors. She hovered for several moments while the doors opened, and then slowly entered the cavernous bay. They flew past several of the Absolution's shuttles, then saw where they were to land. They passed by several space-faring Zoids, one of which looked vaguely like a Pteradactyl. After that, Ryoko saw the empty space between the Outlaw Star and the Big O that was pad 32. She stopped the ship there, and then everyone was beamed out and onto the pad floor. The ship above them then faded out and reappeared as the familiar cabbit perched atop Sasami's head. Tenchi: Why did they give us an entire parking spot if they knew our ship wasn't going to actually park here? Washu: Who knows. Easier to just give all the parties a space I guess. Ayeka (looking directly across the bay at the five Gundams and other Mobile Suits neatly lined in a row): Those guys needed a whole side of the bay to themselves. OAV Kagato (looking around): My Soja was so much more impressive than this ship. Ryoko: YOUR Soja? That was just a prop, and Pioneer's prop to boot. Sorry to burst your bubble, Kag'. OAV Kagato (looking defeated): I know. Universe Kagato: Speaking of "Kag'", how are we going to discern between me and him? Washu (smiling): How about "Gay Kagato" and "Straight Kagato". Sakuya (snickering): Or "Cool Kagato" and "Lame Kagato". This elicited snickers from the rest of the group. OAV Kagato: Ha-ha. I can only assume you see me as the "cool" one. Universe Kagato: Or the gay one, Organ Boy! You think you're the Phantom of the Opera? OAV Kagato (now in the other Kagato's face): At least I'm not a Darth Vader wannabe! Washu (getting between them): Now now boys, behave yourselves. Just then, a small metal orb hovered up to the group. It looked at them with one large, red, glass eye. Hover-Drone (in a digital voice): Hello, I am TJ-12. Please follow me. The orb then spun around and headed off to the turbolift door. The group settled down and followed. Gilliam III: Pardon, but could you tell Gene that that Bit Cloud fellow scratched my paint when he parked his Zoid when you see him? Mihoshi (looking up at the Outlaw Star): Sure thing! She waved and headed off with the rest of the group. Soon they were all packed into one of the Absolution's grossly undersized turbolift cars, heading up to the party. The ride was uncomfortable to say the least. Ryoko: God, could these cars be any smaller?...Stop pinching my ass Nobuyuki! Nobuyuki: But I'm over here! Ryoko (looking behind her): Then who is... Yosho (with a smile on his face): Heh-heh. Tenchi: Grandpa! Cut it out! Washu (floating Indian style above the squished group): I'm just fine, I don't know what you're all talking about. Yugi (floating next to her): Yeah, I'm fine too. The two mini-women smiled and shared a wink. Sasami (squished between both Kagato's): Wish I could float. Ryo-Ohki (atop her head): Meow...I mean, yeah, me too. Tenchi: How you doing back there, Nagi? You've been pretty quiet this trip. Nagi (quietly): I'm fine. Ryoko: She's just not looking forward to seeing "you know who" again. Nagi: Hmph. Kiyone: Oh God, is she still not over him?! Look Nagi, the guy is a total player! I mean he's pretty much banged anything with two legs and a sailor suit... Mihoshi: Wait, you don't mean... TJ-12 (interrupting): We have arrived. Please enjoy the party. The orb said this just as the lift came to a stop and the door opened, literally almost pouring the group out onto the deck. Several of them that were in the more awkward positions stretched and cracked. Washu and Yugi calmly landed. The group recovered and walked down a short corridor to a large set of double-doors. Upon reaching them, a small camera-like thing extended from above the door. Camera: Please identify. Tenchi (looking up): The cast of Tenchi Muyo, Universe, and Tenchi in Tokyo. Camera (clicking a few seconds): Confirmed. Please enter and enjoy the party. The camera retracted and the doors swished open to reveal an expansive room. Circular tables with white linen cloth covering them and surrounded by chairs dotted the room. At its center on the far wall was a stage with a podium set up, and behind that (and on most of the ceiling) was a huge viewport looking out into space. A banner also hung above the stage that read "Welcome Toonami Alumni!" Almost all of the other shows' casts were already there and mingling. A large buffet with snacks and beverages (both non-alcoholic and alcoholic in nature) was set up on the far left side of the room. Gentle classical music played in the background. Mihoshi: Alright, a buffet! Let's chow down! Sakuya: I'm with you! The two made a beeline for the buffet table. Kiyone (sighing): I'll go with them, make sure they stay out of trouble. Tenchi: OK, we'll see ya around Kiyone. With that the teal haired woman walked off. Ayeka (sighing loudly): OK, let's get this over with. Ryoko: What are you all gloomy about? Ayeka: I hate mingling. Yosho (placing his arm around Ayeka): Oh, buck up, sister. It's not as bad as it seems. Ayeka: Oh, alright. And so the group walked up to the gathering of chatting anime characters. It was not too long at all before they were recognized. Sailor Mars: Well, hello, guys! Hey everyone, the Tenchi crew is here! Everyone stopped whatever conversations they were having to say hello and wave. The Tenchi cast waved back and began talking to they're fellow anime characters. Gene Starwind: Tenchi, how's it hangin', old buddy? Tenchi (shaking hands with Gene): Not bad, yourself? Gene: Well, been trying to get that second season of Outlaw Star going over in the motherland, but this new Adult Swim segment has got me pretty busy too. Tenchi: Yeah tell me about it. About time they started showing my OAV's unedited. Gene: Yeah well at least they didn't cut an entire episode out of YOUR series. Ryoko (coming in): Oh, yeah, that hot springs episode was SOOOO crucial to the plot, Gene. Suzuka: As I remember Ryoko, you all spent way more time in the hot springs then we ever did. Ryoko: True. Just be glad you never had those awful superimposed bikinis put on you. Melfina (rolling her eyes): Tell me about it. Ayeka: At least you had bikinis. They gave me that horrid ONE-PIECE, and an ORANGE one at that! The entire group chuckled. Now more characters from the other shows joined in on the conversation. Heero Yui: You know, I did get kinda tired of having to remember to say "destroy" instead of "kill" all the time. Then they let me say "kill" as long as Gundam Wing was on after midnight. It was so confusing. Duo Maxwell: Yeah, or how about "Great Destroyer" instead of "God of Death". How lame is that? Washu: American censors are so strange. They still are under the notion that cartoons and animation are just for children, and don't understand there is a huge teen and adult audience out there that is looking for a lot more than the Smurfs. Don't they know anime is the third largest money making industry in all of Japan? Rayleena Peacecraft: You have to admit though, as much as Cartoon Network hacks our shows to pieces, they have started a new mainstream resurgence in anime in America. If anything, if a fan knows the show has been put to the knife then they will run out and get the uncensored version. Money in our pockets. Washu: You do have a point. It's just frustrating. Ayeka: Not everyone has the option of getting the unedited versions. Gene: Plus they just aren't consistent with what they edit. I've seen blood spray everywhere in DBZ, but they cut it out of your shows AND mine. What's the logic behind that? At the mention of DBZ, Nagi quickly looked around. She seemed apprehensive. Ryoko smiled. Ryoko: What's the matter, Nagi, you see him yet? Nagi (glaring at Ryoko): No. In fact, none of them seem to be here yet. Tenchi (looking around): Yeah, you're right. I didn't see any Capsule Corp. ships in the docking bay. Trowa Barton (scoffing): Hmmph, you'd think they'd be the first ones here, being Toonami's longest running and most popular show. Nagi: They can not come at all for all I care. Melfina: Hmmm? Why so mad at them? Ryoko: She doesn't want to see her ex is all. Nagi: Shutup, Ryoko! This is none of they're business! Gene: Oh yeah, that's right! You were dating... Just then the group was interrupted by a large commotion over by the buffet table. They all looked over to see some of the Sailor Scouts and Mihoshi and Sakuya in some sort of argument. Kiyone was desperately trying to calm them down with a little help from Lecrutia Neun. Tenchi: Oh God, here we go again, those damn Sailor Scouts always start something. Sailor Mars: I am sorry to agree with you...makes me ashamed to be one. Nobuyuki (whipping out camcorder): Alright, here we go! So, meanwhile at the buffet table... Sailor Moon: It's blondes like you that reinforce the stereotype that we're all stupid! Mihoshi: It's just an act, you bimbo! I have three bachelors' degrees, how many do YOU have? Sailor Moon (looking down): Um, well... Mihoshi: Oh yeah, that's right you only have one...a Master's in bad acting! Sailor Venus: Look, that's not our fault! It's that horrible English redub, they change damn near everything we say from the Japanese! Sakuya: That's no excuse! They changed our dialog too, and WE don't suck half as bad as you guys! Sailor Mercury (smiling): Well, as I understand it, YOUR show is the most hated of ALL the Tenchi series. Sakuya (fuming): Why you little... With this, Kiyone and Neun had to redouble their efforts to keep the two warring parties at bay. Kiyone (struggling): Calm down, Sakuya! Neun: Relax, Mercury! Mihoshi: At least the male character on our show isn't a fairy! Sailor Moon: What? Darian could kick Tenchi's ass any day of the week! Sakuya: Ha! I could kick his ass myself! Sailor Moon (looking around): Fine! Let's settle this now! DARIAN! Darian! Where the hell are you? Get over here and defend our honor! Darian? Sailor Jupiter (pointing): Um...he's over there, trading tuxedo tips with Roger Smith. They all looked over to see the star of The Big O and Tuxedo Mask talking up a storm. The android Dorothy looked on quietly. Sailor Moon (yelling): Darian! Tuxedo Mask (shaking his head): Your crazy if you think I'm getting involved in this. Sailor Moon: Fine, be that way! (now looking at Sakuya and Mihoshi) Your Tenchi just got lucky! Hmmph, lets go girls! And with that the Sailor Scouts walked off. Sakuya: God, I hate her. Sailor Uranus (from behind her): Yeah, tell me about it. Sakuya, Mihoshi, Neun and Kiyone all turned around to see Sailor Uranus and Neptune arm-in-arm. Sailor Neptune: The fact that it's HER show is the only thing that keeps us from all kicking her ass ourselves. Neun: I hear ya. Mihoshi: I'm glad not all of you Scouts are on her side. Sailor Uranus: No, just the young ones...except Mars. Sakuya: Anyway, let's get what we came here for, Mihoshi. Mihoshi (looking at the table of food): I'm with you! And with that the girls began to fill their plates. Meanwhile, back where Tenchi and crew were... Tuxedo Mask (walking up to Tenchi): Sorry about that, Tenchi. Tenchi: Don't worry. I know what it's like being the main male cast member on a show full of women all too well. Tuxedo Mask: Yeah, it's a real gyn-ocracy. Both males laughed, but not for long as they looked over to see most of the females from Sailor Moon and Tenchi Muyo glaring at them. Both sweatdropped. Both: Just kidding ladies! The two men were spared a royal arse-whooping when the door to the hall swished open once again. They all looked over to see who had arrived. Upon realizing who was here, Nagi gasped and hid behind Ryoko. Goku (holding a big jug of sake aloft): Never fear! DBZ is here! Behind him stood the large group that was the cast of Dragonball Z. All looked ready to party hardy. Nagi scanned the group and saw who she was looking for. Nagi (whispering): Don't let him see me Ryoko. Ryoko: Your not hiding behind me all night, Nagi, so you might as well say hi to him now. Nagi (looking over at the variety of liquor at the buffet table): I'll need some liquid courage first. And with that she ran over to the table and began to drink. The party picked up considerably with the arrival of the ever rambunctious DBZ crew. Everyone began to catch up with each other, and the Tenchi crew finally got to meet the castmembers of Zoids, whom they had never met before. Soon everyone began to get mildly intoxicated (or no-so-mildly in most of the DBZ crew's case) and the ambient noise got louder and louder. Vegeta traded "method" acting tips with the McDougal Brothers, The Gundam Wing pilots talked about the finer aspects of mecha combat with the Zoid pilots, Nagi drank and avoided her ex as much as she could, Aisha Clan-Clan challenged everyone to an arm wrestling match (which she went undefeated at until Android 18 beat her in less than 3 seconds). Eventually, however, it was time for some "official" events, as the until-now absent host of this shindig appeared on the podium. TOM II (tapping on the mic): Ahem, um, hello? Everyone? Could I ask you all to please take your seats? With this everyone noisily shuffled to their seats. Each cast had their own table (DBZ needing an extra large one), and Tenchi and the rest found the one marked "Tenchi Castmembers: Reserved". The seats even had their names on them. TOM II: Please, everyone settle down. Soon, the chatter was gone and all eyes were on the little CGI robot on stage. The classical music in the background stopped. TOM II (clearing his throat): Ahem. On behalf of Cartoon Network and Toonami, I would like to all welcome you to the first ever Toonami Reunion Party! The entire room clapped for a good while, some cheering. TOM II bowed several times. TOM II: We have a lot in store for you tonight. First we'll give out some fan awards that we tallied up before you all arrived, then we'll bring out a live band. Sasami (whispering to Tenchi): Oooh, a live band, I wonder who it could be. Tenchi (whispering back): I have no idea. TOM II: Then it's karaoke time... This elicited groans of dismay mixed with chirps of delight from the crowd. TOM II: ...or scary-aoke for some of us. Then we'll wrap up with a little club music so you can all dance yourselves silly. So without further ado, let the party begin! He group clapped again as TOM II waved back. TOM II: OK, let's get started on giving out the Fan Awards. With this, several tread-powered bots rolled a large table out from behind the stage. It had a good number of trophies on it. TOM II: We asked 1000 random fans who they thought was best in each category from a list we compiled. The results came in, we counted 'em up, and we found our winners. Just so you know now, we chose some rather odd categories to keep it interesting. Ayeka: Hmmm, I havn't heard anything about this. Yugi: Yeah, me either. Ryoko: Guess they kept it under wraps so it would be a surprise. Tenchi: Well, it worked. Sasami: I can't wait to see if I won anything! TOM II removed several pieces of paper from a compartment in the podium. TOM II: First up: Most Likely to be Gay: Male. Candidates were: OAV Kagato... OAV Kagato (standing up): Hey! Wait a minute...! Universe Kagato (laughing): Ha! Told you! TOM II (continuing): ...The McDougal Brothers... McDougal Brothers: Now hold on! TOM II: ...Tuxedo Mask... Tuxedo Mask (shaking head): Saw THAT one coming... TOM II: ...Quattra Winner... Most of the Gundam Cast (nodding heads): Yep. TOM II: ...and Roger Smith. Roger Smith: What?! Dorothy: Well Roger, you ARE a very snappy dresser. TOM II (opening envelope): And the winner is... The now chuckling crowd quieted down for the answer. TOM II: By voter write in: Tenchi Masaki from Tenchi Muyo! Tenchi (jaw dropping): WHAT?!?! The crowd, including those at his own table, began to laugh hysterically and clap at the same time. A spotlight hit Tenchi square in the face. Tenchi (slowly standing up): I don't get it... Bit Cloud (yelling from his table): Maybe you should have banged one of the girls by now! Tenchi: But, it wasn't in the script! But I kissed Sakuya for Christ's sake! Aisha Clan-Clan (laughing): Oh, she doesn't count! HAHAHA! Sakuya: I beg your pardon?! TOM II: Come on up and get your award, Tenchi! Tenchi slowly walked up to the podium, the spotlight following him. He took the award from TOM II and sullenly returned back to his chair without so much as a word. The crowd cheered him loudly the whole way. Ryoko and Ayeka patted him on the back for support when he finally got back to his chair. TOM II: Ok, next up, Best Lesbian Couple, Actual or Implied. Kiyone: Uh-oh. TOM II: Candidates were: Sailor Uranus and Neptune... The crowd nodded in agreement. The two said Scouts nodded in agreement too. TOM II: ...Mihoshi and Kiyone... Kiyone: I knew it. Mihoshi: God, can't a girl experiment in college anymore? The Tenchi table all looked at her with amazement. Mihoshi: What? TOM II: ...Dorothy Catalonia and Rayleena Peacecraft... The two girls looked up from making out at their table with quizzical looks on their faces. TOM II: ...and Ayeka and Ryoko. And the winner is: Ayeka and Ryoko, from Tenchi Universe! Ayeka (jumping to her feet): WHAT?!? That was just one scene! And it was another reality even! Ryoko just covered her eyes in pain. Sailor Uranus (also jumping to her feet): This is an outrage! We deserve that award! Vegeta (from the table next to theirs): Maybe the fans thought you were just "cousins". Everyone chuckled loudly. Sailor Neptune (now standing up herself): Hey, that was the stupid company's idea! We never thought American kids were naive enough to buy that! Gene Starwind: If they can't see Fred Lao is gay then believe me, they are. Ryoko (whispering): Come on Ayeka, I've got an idea. Follow my lead. Ayeka (reluctantly): Ok, Ryoko. The two girls walked up to the podium. Ryoko took the award from TOM II and approached the mic. Ryoko: I would just like to thank all the fans out there that read between the lines and saw what a great relationship me and Ayeka have! Ayeka (dumbfounded): Ryoko, what are you talking... But Ayeka couldn't finish her sentence as her mouth was now full of Ryoko's tounge. Ayeka tried to worm away but couldn't escape Ryoko's grip. The crowd, (well, the guys anyway) all started cheering and "woo-hooing". Tenchi's nose bled. Nobuyuki's camcorder, as well as Nobuyuki himself, hummed with glee. After almost half a minute... Ayeka (getting released from Ryoko's grip): GASP! What the hell was that all about?! Ryoko (walking off the stage with a grin): Oh, just giving the crowd what they want. Ayeka (following her): You could have at least taken a breath mint... Sailor Neptune: You never kiss ME like that anymore. Sailor Uranus: Oh be quiet. TOM II: Okay, okay, let us continue... And so it did, awards being passed out for other strange categories such as "Most Useless Main Character" (which went to Krillin from DBZ), "Series with the Most Simplistic Plot" (which tied between DBZ and Zoids), and "Character Who You Would Most Like to Stick a Sock in Their Mouth When They Start to Talk" (which went to none other than one pissed off Sailor Moon). After several near destructive outbursts from the reluctant recipients, the award ceremony was over. TOM II: And now, if you'll direct your attention to the side stage, I present to you for your entertainment, the now-easily-bought-since-they-did-that-Burger- King-ad-stuff Backstreet Boys! Right on cue a wall lifted into the ceiling on the right side of the room and lo-and-behold, the Backstreet Boys, dressed in shiny TOM II suits (minus the helmets) broke into "Larger than Life". Immediately the entire Sailor Scout table ran screaming to the stage (minus Mars, Uranus and Neptune), along with Lina from Zoids, Quattra and Lady Unn(!) from Gundam Wing, Bulma and Chi-Chi from DBZ, and Sakuya, Mihoshi, and Sasami. Tenchi: You have GOT to be kidding me! Ryoko: Man they really must have had a low budget for this thing. Yosho: I don't know, I kind of like it. Universe Kagato: You can't be serious! This is the kind of mindless drivel HE would like. (pointing next to him) Ayeka: Um, who? Universe Kagato (looking at the empty chair next to him): Huh? Where's... They all looked over in amazement at a screaming OAV Kagato jumping and screaming in the front-center of the stage. Sakuya did pretty much the same right next to him. Yugi (smacking head): I can't believe SHE'S my shadow. Vegeta (yelling at TOM II over the music): Hey, little robot! You think you could find anything else to piss me off tonight? I wasn't angry enough after winning that "Most Likely to Have a Pair of Bunny Slippers" award! Piccalo: But you do own... Vegeta: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! All the remaining men and women gathered together so they could hear each other talk over the blaring music and the screaming girls (and guys). Bit Cloud: We have to do something, this could go on for hours! Roger Smith (lifting his watch): Big-O...! Gene Starwind (unholstering his Caster Gun): I got it... Tenchi: No! If we wreck the place we'll probably have to pay for it, and the studios will kill us! Wu-Fei: Or worse yet, make you do another "Tenchi in Tokyo". Yugi: Shutup Mr. "I-Have-to-Make-a-Speech-Everytime-I-Get-in-my-Gundam"! The other Gundam pilots chuckled knowingly. Wu-Fei shutup. Goku: I have pretty good aim with my Kamayhamayha Wave. Cell (raising hand): I'll vouch for that. Ryoko: Not after what you've had to drink. Nagi (hands over ears): Please hurry, it's making my head hurt! Washu (sighing): God, do I have to do EVERYTHING around here? Washu manifested her ethereal laptop and began to type away. Washu: Ok, let's see here...God, it's hard to think with that damn noise. Alright, teleport holes open...now! With a final push of a blinking red button, Washu and the entire group turned to the stage. A small, black, seemingly 2-dimensional hole opened above each of the Backstreet Boys. Washu: There, now my teleport holes will send them back to... But before she could finish her sentence, green tentacles reached out form the holes and ensnared the shocked singers. They struggled valiantly but were eventually drawn screaming into the portals, which promptly shut. The "fans" at the stage gasped in horror at this, and the "not-so-fans" all looked at Washu in disbelief. Washu (scratching her head): Heh, well, not quite what I had in mind, but effective nonetheless! TOM II (yelling): Washu, you know how much that's going to cost us?! Washu: Don't worry, I can create whatever amount you need in whatever currency. It's a perk of being a genius. Ryoko: Hey! Then how come in all those episodes when we were broke you never just pulled a million bucks out of the air or something? Tenchi: Or food when we were starving?! Washu (scratching her head again): Well, I could, but the producers wanted me to keep my mouth shut. Besides, it was more fun that way! Tenchi, Ryoko, Kiyone and Ayeka (hands outstretched to choke): WASHUUUUU! Washu backed up only to have her escape route cut off by the Backstreet Boys fans who had pretty much the same level of anger at Washu as Tenchi and the girls. She was trapped. Washu (thinking to herself): Need to distract them...what can I use to distract anime characters? Ah-ha! With this Washu snapped her fingers. Washu (pointing over the crowd): Hey look everyone! Everyone stopped their approach at Washu and looked over. They all got giant, misty eyes and gasped with delight, for before them was a huge karaoke machine flanked on either side by a keg of Yebisu Beer and a barrel of sake! All: Alright! And with this they stampeded over. Washu (wiping brow): Whew, close one! And so several hours of drunken karaoke passed, some of the highlights being Tenchi's rendition of Eminem's "The Real Slim Shady", Ryoko, Melfina, Twilight Suzuka, and Washu's performance of "Moulin Rouge", and a completely horrible yet still entertaining version of "The Humpty Dance", done by most of the males from DBZ (including a very drunk Vegeta whose "You look like MC Hammer on crack, Humpty!" almost brought the house down with laughter). Just when it seemed like it would go on forever, everyone's attention was suddenly directed towards the stage, which had erupted into a massive bass beat. It was TOM II, standing behind a set of turntables, spinning away. TOM II: Alright, are you all ready for DJ TOM?!? TOM II scratched away for a few seconds before erupting into Dynamic Dual's "Back and Forth". Everyone ran out to the dance floor and began dancing away like crazy, the alcohol in their system sufficiently drowning any doubts if they could actually dance or not. Jim Hawking (freaking up on Sasami): Woo yeah, baby! Shake dat ass! Sasami just smiled and started grinding her butt in Jim's crotch, much to his delight. Ayeka (dancing alone): Sasami! Where did you learn to do that! Yosho (grabbing her hips from behind): Same place I did, sis! MTV! Tenchi (dancing with Ryoko): Dude! He's freaking his sister! Ryoko: Shutup and work it, Tenchi! TOM II turned out to be a hell of a DJ, spinning all the great trance anthems together flawlessly, barely giving the dancers a break. Most everyone had a partner to dance with, whether they wanted one or not. Some had two or three, like Roger Smith, who had half the Sailor Scouts on him, and Vegeta and Piccalo, who were having a "Bulma Sandwich". Only a few were off by themselves, mostly because they were dancing too crazy (like Heero Yui, who could breakdance with the best of them). Nagi (standing off to side alone): There's no way. I couldn't GET that drunk. Nagi looked over to her ex, seeing him dance with Sakuya. He looked up and caught her staring. She quickly looked away. Too late. She looked up to see him walking towards her, a huge grin on his face. Nagi (sighing loudly): Hi, how are you. Master Roshi: I'm great, snugglebutt, how 'bout you! Nagi: Don't call me that! I always hated that... Master Roshi: Aw, come on! You're still not bitter because I broke up with you! It never would've worked out! Nagi (yelling): You left me for Cheetara! She's not even anime! Master Roshi: Hey, don't be so elitest! Didn't you say you had a crush on He- Man? Nagi: Yeah, when I was five! Master Roshi: Okay, okay! But c'mon! This is a helluva party, can't you just have a good time? Nagi (looking away): I'm NOT dancing with you. Master Roshi: Fine, have it your way! (Turning around) Hey Sakuya, here comes Master Freaky! And so Master Roshi got back up on Sakuya, and Nagi continued to sulk alone. Until... Roger Smith: Um, your not dancing? Nagi: No. Roger Smith: Why not? Nagi: Because I don't want to dance with anyone. Roger Smith: Would you dance with me? Nagi looked at him with confusion. She looked into the quasi-anime character's eyes and felt...funny. Nagi (blushing): Um, sure, why not... Roger Smith (taking her hand): Then let's go! Tenchi: Hey look, Nagi has a new friend! Ryoko (looking over at Nagi and Roger Smith): Well, at least she's not sulking over that old pervert anymore. Nobuyuki (desperately trying to dance with a girl, all of which keep pulling away): Huh, you talking about me? Ryoko: No, Nobuyuki, a different old pervert. Nobuyuki: Oh, ok! And so it went on into the wee hours of the morning. By the time TOM II spun the last song (an excellent remix of Sarah McLaughlin's "Silence", which spurred some slow dancing), the exhausted anime characters said their goodbyes. Sailor Moon: Mihoshi, I wanted to say sorry about before. Mihoshi: Oh, no problem. I didn't mean what I said about your acting. Sailor Moon (holding out hand): Truce? Mihoshi (shaking it): Truce. Soon, onboard the departing Ryo-Ohki... Ryoko: So, did you get his number? Nagi: Yep, we have a date next weekend. Ryoko: Well that's good. Kiyone (leaning on a snoring Mihoshi): (Yaaaawn!) At least no more Master Roshi whining...snooooore. Ayeka: That Jim fellow better not call the house at all hours looking for you too, Sasami...Sasami? Sasami (curled up asleep): Snoooore... Ryoko: You're quite a good dancer, Tenchi. Tenchi: Well, I'm not a complete dork, ya know. Sakuya (snickering): Just mostly. And so the Tenchi Family returned to the Earth, very tired, and very happy to have attended such a great party. THE END Well, that's it. It turned into a kind of "real" fic towards the end, but oh well, it's done. Hope you liked it! Feedback: eraser1976@hotmail.com Read "Tenchi Muyo!: War and Peace", in the regular section!