Wazzup?!
By The Evergreen Cortex
Synopsis: Some comedy, some action, mostly drama, and a slight necessary twang of lime.
YO, IT’S DISCLAIMER TIME!
WASSUP? I do not own any of the following: Tenchi Muyo!, Monty Python, Dragonball 
Z, aw heck, I just about mentioned every copyright in existence in this story, and that’s a 
compliment to your company, not an insult. However, the plot is mine, and I plan to hang 
onto it for a while. So please do not procure some sort of bizarre legal claim, because it’d 
make your company have a reputation of a stingy old prune company or a dollar-grabbing 
empire who supports fully a dog-eat-dog mighty-crush-the-weak political system. I will not 
procure a legal claim against anyone who uses my plot, either, unless they try to publish it 
as their own or sell it, in which case I’ll still be somewhat polite, but not very happy. 

Also, flame all you want. I’ll be happy to get the communication, but just remember, there’s 
a fic out there where a new arrival rapes and murders Sasami, and I personally think that’s 
far more twisted than the tame little War and Peace of fanfics here. I hope you enjoy it, but 
if you don’t, that’s fine with me. You’ll note that I obeyed grammar here, unlike some 
writers. The text encompasses 66 full pages, and this is only part one! Be warned, part one 
is somewhat depressing at the end, and I really haven’t thought of part II, so if you read it, 
you’ll be left hanging for a good while. Go ahead, try and MST it. I dare you. Either you’ll 
have to spend a good three months on it, or it’ll turn out to be a poor-quality skimmer MST. 
So basically you can do whatever you want with this fic except claim it as your own or sell 
it. But I’d appreciate you read the whole thing before you start sending hate mail.

WAZZUP?!
Act I: I Leave The Universe
I watched the shuttle rocket off into the sky from the steel ramp. It accelerated at a vast rate 
and finally went nearly vertical as it left the ramp. It shot into the sky. Its engines burned a 
bright blue as it became a dot in a sea of many. It was near the end of New Vegeta’s ten-
hour night. Shalast and the two pulsars shone brightly amongst the slightly dimmer other 
stars. Rugdar was pretty tightly packed in cosmological terms. The radiation from the two 
pulsars was not in any way harmful as it was collected and used as power from several 
gigantic power collectors. It was hard to believe that just four stories ago it was in a state of 
war with an invading menace. I was about to have an important meeting with the leaders of 
Astex Mining Industries. It was scheduled for the crack of dawn. The leaders of the 
organization were slightly space-lagged, so that was a normal meeting time for them. It was 
a vast interplanetary corporation with rumors of its own private defence fleet for marauding 
space pirates (like me, although I was in president mode this time) and other ruffians, 
although there were rumors of usage of this fleet for extortion and the like. Astex was a very 
prominent corporation, but in the underground backwater planets their rumors were very 
dark. They wanted to mine the mineral-rich seabed of the Mare Subterrestris, or the vast sea 
encircling nearly the entire planet under New Vegeta’s crust. Unfortunately, this sea was 
only recently discovered, and we hadn’t had time to research it much. I also wanted to talk 
to them about a few other things, namely their imports to the planet. I saw a blue shaft of 
light pierce the horizon. A few minutes later, the sun was peeking over the horizon, and 
Alexandria was awakening. I walked down the hall in my sweatshirt and green khaki jeans, 
with my favorite pair of sneakers. The New Vegeta Department of Commerce building was 
vast, with over forty floors and a length of nearly five football fields and a width of one. I 
got in the elevator. The meeting was on the 21st floor. There were several other people there, 
who noticed me and then looked back at the elevator buttons. “Kagato’s Keepsake 
Inspirational Themes” was playing over the elevator music speakers. I looked up at the 
speakers. “Anyone here like that music?” I asked. “Nope.” they all answered in unison. I 
put up my hand in the direction of the speakers and a laser came out of my finger. It zapped 
the speaker and it started crackling. The people in the elevator stared at me with wide eyes. 
“What? You told me you didn’t like it!” DING! Suddenly, the elevator doors opened. 
“Floor 21.” it said, badly distorted because of my laser blast. I stepped out. The chairman 
of the Joint Chiefs of Sniveling Nincompoops was there to greet me. “Mr. President, the 
meeting is just about to start. Take a seat, please.” “Thank you.” I sat in a chair at the 
round black table, just another chair like the others. I was the first one to arrive. There were 
a bunch of other dudes milling around, looking at windows and such, but they weren’t in 
the meeting. A few Astex officials walked in. I stood up and welcomed them. They couldn’t 
help but stare at my extremely casual attire compared to their businesslike suits and ties. 
“Welcome. Have a seat.” I sat. “So, when’s the head honcho due to arrive?” “Mr. 
President, we believe he’s coming in just a few minutes. Sorry to make you wait.” “No, 
that’s fine.” I swiveled the chair around in a circle. “Wheee.” I said. They stared at my 
revolving chair antics. I stopped the chair. “What?” I asked. “Do you really think that’s 
appropriate?” one asked. I looked at his badge. It said RONALD O. TAYLOR, CHIEF OF 
DISTRIBUTION. “Mr. Taylor, I don’t really think that these chairs swivel for nothing. 
It’s a sad thing to see a swivel chair that never rotated more than ninety degrees at a time.” 
“Well, if that’s what you think, I guess I shouldn’t complain.” Suddenly, the door whizzed 
open, and the president of Astex walked in. I stood up and he held out his hand. I gave him 
five. He looked at me quizzically, but he sat down opposite me at the table. “All right, now 
that we’re all here, I think we should get down to business.” “Right.”
SCRIPT MODE
Me: So, what do you propose?
Astex CEO: We’d like to form a mutual partnership with your planet. I’m sure we’d both 
profit greatly if you allowed us to mine in your underground sea’s seabed. 
Me: And how would the profits be split?
Astex CEO: Does ten-ninety sound reasonable?

Me: Sounds great. But where exactly will you be drilling?

Astex CEO: Our chief of operations will explain.
Astex COO: Thank you. (takes out chart) As you can see, with this pact, we’ll have 
permission to drill eighty percent of the seabed on your ocean.
Me: Whoa, eighty percent?
Astex COO: Our drilling platforms will be very sparse. The seabed will hardly be harmed.
Me: But essentially I’d be handing over eighty percent of my seas to you?
Astex CEO: Well, of course you’d be in charge of the operation, but Astex would supervise 
the distribution. As well as ninety percent of the profits. We’ll hand over ten percent of the 
profits to you, as well as a hefty down payment.
Me: And how much would that be?
Astex CEO: We haven’t decided yet, but it’ll be around fifty billion credits.
Me: Okay. And how long will you be drilling?
Astex CEO: Until you or I cancel the contract.
Me: That does sound reasonable... but I’m not signing until you answer a few questions.
Astex CEO: And what would those be?
Me: First of all, we on New Vegeta have a very, VERY high esteem for the environment. We 
have also traded with Astex for a good many years. Now, in those years, several dozen of 
your freighters have landed in Socrates national park. And an overwhelming eighty per cent 
of material that was supposed to be delivered from those freighters is unaccounted for. 
That’s not good. 
Astex CEO: Allow me to explain.
Me: If you’ve been dumping wastes in our national parks...
Astex CEO: Of course not. Some of that material was stolen by the Evergreen Cortex and 
other marauders. 
Me: And he stole a hundred trillion tons of industrial waste?
Astex CEO: It’s perfectly possible.
Me: And even so, what happened to the rest?
Astex CEO: Perhaps there was a calculation error. I really am sorry for any trouble this may 
have caused you, but we’d never ever dump in your national parks.
Me: Then how do you explain the Material Unaccounted For? Some of that is highly 
radioactive! Others are toxic! Even a ton spread widely enough can destroy a whole five 
hundred square kilometres of ecosystem!
Astex CEO: We never have dumped material of any kind on your planet.
Me: Then where exactly do you dump?
Astex CEO: Frankly, that’s none of your business.
Me: Okay. I’m willing to accept your offer. But first I’d like to conduct a joint investigation 
of Socrates national park to test the soil for the kind of materials that disappeared from your 
freighters. If you really haven’t been dumping like you said, then you have nothing to worry 
about.
Astex CEO: Of course not. We’d be glad to reassure you.
Me: All right. But if you have been dumping... I swear I your corporation is going down in 
flames.
Astex CEO: No need for such harsh words. We haven’t been dumping, I told you.
Me: Good, then. Have a nice day!
Astex CEO: You too. ( exits with other Astex officials )
NOVEL MODE
The door whizzed shut. I was still suspicious about those Astex folks.  I got into the 
elevator. The doors opened with a “ding!” sound. This was not the same elevator whose 
speakers I blasted. I got in. The doors shut.
The Astex agent stood above the elevator’s steel cable with a pair of hedge clippers. He 
closed the clippers on the cable very hard, and it snapped. The elevator plunged down the 
shaft and exploded. 
I got out of the elevator. It was smoking and steaming behind me. I was covered in ash. 
People stared at me. “Must be the express elevator.” I walked outside the building. 
The crosshairs closed in delicately on my brown-haired head. They stuck on it. The red 
laser was right where my neck met my back. The sniper fired.
I heard something whizz by me as I fixed a crick in my neck. There were several others that 
also went by when I fixed cricks in my neck and finally one went right over my head just as 
I sneezed. None of them came near me. “Must be mosquito season.” I continued walking. 
The sidewalk slab’s pressure sensor went off. It slid open.
I plunged down the pit, falling on a few spikes. I shot back up, grabbing my bum. 
“YEEEOW! Gotta be careful with those sidewalk construction projects!” I hurried home. I 
got into a hover car.
The timer on the car’s engine went to zero, and the bomb detonated.
I flew six hundred feet into the air while my car exploded underneath me. I stood floating. 
“Geez... it’s After Colony 2000 and they can’t even make decent fuel valves.” I flew the 
rest of the way home. 
The figher jet converged on my position. It locked on my figure floating in the sky. It fired.
A few white things whooshed past me. “Seagulls. Imagine that.” 
The fighter pilot began his kamikaze run.
I looked at the sky ahead of me. A black dot was growing larger. Suddenly, a big gray thing 
bashed into my head and fell down, smoking. “Geez... never seen a gray albatross before. 
Well, there’s a first time for everything.” I finally arrived home. 
The spy quickly emptied his packet of cyanide into my water supply and ran out the back 
door.
I arrived at my secret RV. I looked at the water. “Nah... I think I’ll have gasoline instead.” 
I drank a few gallons of gasoline. Four hours later I was passed out on the sofa. Well, at 
least you don’t get a hangover. The spy snuck up to me quietly, took out his knife. He 
stabbed.
I rolled over, chasing the big white duck across the field. 
The spy stabbed, but only got sofa as I rolled over and over in my dream attempt to capture 
the duck. He kept on stabbing, and he kept on missing. The alarm clock went off.
I woke up. The spy hid behind the alarm clock that just went off. I smashed at the alarm 
clock in my just-woke-up stupor, and I missed. 
The spy never had time to think as my fist passed through his body like air. He was dead 
before he hit the ground, after which he evaporated due to a mechanism in his body which 
was set to do that when his heart stopped beating.
I yawned. It was a good nap. And just as suddenly, by total accident, I was transported out 
of the book. And I couldn’t get back in.
Act II: What Did The News Dude Say?
The Astex officials smiled grimly. Their plan was perfect. There was no way the president 
could survive any one of their traps. But so far, their hopes were down as the elevator dude 
called in to say his op was a failure. As well as the sniper, who also confirmed that the 
sidewalk trap didn’t get me either. The fighter pilot escaped from the jet at the last minute, to 
confirm that the car didn’t kill me, nor did his jet plane. And the spy... well, the spy was 
KIA, so they assumed his mission was a failure. However...
“This is Clarence Simpson in Alexandria, where the President has suddenly gone missing. 
We’ve found no trace of his curious disappearance. Here’s J. Edgar Dirt Devil, chief 
executive officer of the New Vegetan Department of Defence to offer his opinion.” 
Suddenly, J. Edgar Dirt Devil came up on the Holo-Vid. “Well, we really have no 
explanation, but to be honest, he does this kind of stuff all the time. He’ll turn up in a day or 
so, believe me.” The Holo-Vid turned back to Clarence Simpson. “Thank you, Mr. Dirt 
Devil. And now, back to the All Kagato’s Keepsake Inspirational Themes, All The Time 
channel.” The CEO turned off the TV. “Well, boys, our mission appears to be a success. 
Although whose success, I can’t tell. You call yourselves assassins?” The would-be 
assassins stood at the end of the room.”Sorry, boss, we...” “Get out of my sight, you 
sniveling weasels! No pay for you this month!” “Aw, but boss, we...” “Go away, or no 
pay for another month!” “Uh... yes sir!” They walked away, grumbling. “Maggot 
infested string bean.” one of them said. “What was that?” “I said you’re a magnificent 
human being!” “Oh... thanks.” They walked out of the room. 
I stared around. “This isn’t my RV.” I said. I looked around. Something was... different. 
“Holy crap, this place is animated!” I looked down at my hand. “And so am I! Well... at 
least it’s much better animated than some shows I’ve seen. Wait a second... that means... 
I’m probably in an anime! Which means... I can’t get back in the book! Some rift took me 
to the world of intertwined TV shows and not books! Crap!” I looked at the new world I 
was stuck in. Suddenly, I noticed... a shadow in the sky... Ship! But... smaller... wait a 
second... “That’s Soja! Ship’s a lot bigger! Which means... I’m just about in episode five 
of Tenchi Muyo! I hope I still have my powers retained of authorship...”
	 I tried it out. I successfully hovered in the air. “Good. I suppose I’m still in the 
text, but not in the BOOK.” I stared at the ship in the sky. “Geez... it sure looks wussy 
compared to Ship. Ship could take Soja any day of the week! And I could take Soja too. 
Now all that’s left is to determine what TIME I’m in.” I teleported myself up next to Soja. 
Ryo-ohki was strafing the lasers on its attack run. “Oh... I’m here.” Suddenly, one of 
those lasers blasted me in the face. “You know... that really hurt.” I said. I warped inside. 
Kagato was there next to his big ol’ pipe organ. He was enjoying himself, blasting Ryo-
ohki into space dust. He suddenly noticed me. “Who in the heck are you?” he asked. 
“You know... I’m not too sure myself.” “Have you come here to fight me?” “Uh... 
yeah.” “Why?” “I dunno... you’re evil?” “Oh, yeah.” He armed his beam sabre. “Hey, 
Kagato... I have a better idea. Why don’t we just beat the crap out of each other?” “Hmm... 
okay!” He retracted his beam sabre. I punched him in the nuts. “Yeowch!” He kicked me 
in the shins. “Ow!” I slapped him across the face. “Ouch!” He kneed me in the stomach. 
“Oof!” I put him in a headlock and gave him a noogie. “Aaaaah!” He screamed real loud, 
because it really hurt. He twisted his head around and bit me. “Owie!” I elbowed him 
downward in the neck. “O-” and then he hit the floor and his spine bruised. He couldn’t 
move from the neck down. “You... fight... bravely...” “My name’s Alex.” “Alex... finish 
me off... I can’t move...” I kneeled down next to him. “You know... you could have been a 
lot better off if you hadn’t been evil.” “Just... kill me...” I took out a HK .45 and put it up 
against his head. “Like this?” “Yeah...” “You were a good space pirate, but a bad person. 
In your next life, have a little compassion. It’ll get you far.” “Next... life...?” “You’ll 
see.” I cocked the gun. “Sorry, man.” “Okay... just... pull the trigger.” “Will a gun kill 
you?” “If... I... want it to...” “Sorry.” I pulled the trigger. It fired with the noise of a 
squirt pistol, but deployed a uranium shell. It lodged in his brain and didn’t go out the other 
side. He was just as dead, though. I took out a match and burned his body. I dusted off my 
hands. “Phew... what a stench!” Suddenly, all the events of the sixth episode replayed sans 
Ryo-ohki and Soja’s destruction. I went out and grabbed Soja’s blueprints. Then, I relayed 
them to myself in the past just as I was watching the Rasharnos security motherboard 
reconstruct itself, and I (past me) put it in the motherboard’s input slot. Hence the 13-km 
extension of Soja that is Ship. “Hmm... now what should I do?” Suddenly, the entire cast 
of Tenchi Muyo! looked over at me. Ryoko pointed at me. “He’s the one who killed 
Kagato!” I looked at them. “Uh... am I in trouble or something?””How’d you do it?” 
“Uh... let’s see... I elbowed him in the neck, injuring his spine and paralyzing him from the 
neck down. He asked me to kill him. I did. And then I cremated him.” “That’s pretty 
impressive.” “Why?” Their jaws dropped as I asked the question. “Oh, yeah, I forgot, the 
notorious space pirate Kagato, oh, I forgot how tough he is!” I said mockingly. “Where 
exactly did you come from?” Washu asked. “You’re never gonna believe me, but I came 
from a book.” “A book?” “I told you you wouldn’t believe me.” “Via what? Subspace 
portal? Black hole? Interdimensional wormhole?” “I think it was the latter.” “Oh, how 
interesting! A good field of science to pursue!” “Actually, where I come from, the first two 
have already been completely analyzed and are now an effective means of transportation. 
But the third remains unexplored and quite random, I might add.” “Analyzed by who?” 
“The first... I forgot. But the second... was me.” “YOU!” “Yeah. Me.” “And this book 
of yours... a sci-fi book?” “It’s more real than you could imagine.” “I can imagine a lot.” 
“That’s the thing. The more imagination you have, the more you benefit from black hole 
travel. You can have any material object you desire, as well as go to any point in space or 
time.” “So... it’s a little more effective, eh?” “Yeah, you could say that.” “I’m Washu. 
Pleased to meet you!” “Alex. The pleasure’s all mine.” We shook hands. I stared around. 
“This ship kicks ass... too bad it belonged to such a jerk.” Tenchi interjected. “Just what 
the heck is going on here?” “You heard.” I said. “How do you do? I’m Alex.” “Uh... hi. 
My name’s Tenchi.” “I thought so. DUUUUDE! Sweet!” I ran over to the control panel. 
A convoy of freighters of some sort was passing through the system. I directed Soja to 
disable them. It disobeyed. “What? What’s wrong?” A screen came up. “You’re not 
Kagato!” it said. “Oh, right then. He’s dead. I’m the captain now.” “Right... firing on the 
freighters.” It proceeded to activate the self-destruct. “F*** you!” were its last words. 
Luckily, I put up a shield around us. I stood there for a while in space. “Soldiers who wish 
for their death are no good to anyone...” I said quietly. They all boarded Ryo-Ohki. I, 
meanwhile, stayed in space. I looked for a while. The yellow animated sun burned brightly 
before my eyes. “This is goddamn boring.” I said. I returned to Earth alongside the 
quickly heating Ryo-Ohki. I got in front of the ship rapidly reentering the atmosphere. 
“Wazzuuuuup?”I said. “Miyaaa!” Ryo-ohki said, which roughly translated meant: “Get 
out of my way! Are you insane?!” I said, “Put up your drag chute! You’re insane!” 
“Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Translation: No! I put up a trampoline under the ship’s 
landing point, and it shot back off into space, quickly to return. It regressed back to a cat 
after letting out its passengers. “Miya!” Ryo-ohki said. Translation: You jerk! What was 
that? A trampoline! Landing on a planet is a delicate operation, you know!” “Sorry. But 
you have to admit, it was funny!” Ryo-ohki huffed off. I immediately transported myself 
near the house near the shrine. I sat next to a statue. “So, wassup, B?” I teleported to the 
other side of the statue. “Watchin’ the game, havin’ a bud...” I teleported to where I was 
originally. “True, true. ....... Wazzup?” I teleported to the other spot, where I continued my 
wazzup antics. I kept teleporting to different spots, each a different wazzup person, until 
finally I was at the end, and Tenchi walked in on me. “What are you doing here?” I was 
still deep in my wazzup trance. “Watchin’ the game, havin’ a bud...” I replied. “What?” I 
snapped out of it. “Uh... what?” “What?” “What?” “What do you mean, what?” 
“What do you mean, what do I mean, what?” “What do you mean, what do I mean, what 
do you mean, what?” “What do you... forget it.” “I asked you what you’re doing here.” 
“I’m mocking Budweiser with teleportation ablities, that’s what!” “No, I mean why are 
you here?” “Gee, that’s a toughie... why not?” “If you want to stay, that’s fine with me... 
it won’t be any different, honestly...” “I’m sort of a drifter, but you mean I’m welcome 
here?” “Yeah... I guess... if you don’t cause trouble. What am I saying, those women have 
been causing trouble ever since they got here!” “You’re a lucky guy, man.” “I guess 
you’d call it lucky.” “People often do want the life of others, until they realize that it isn’t 
all it’s cracked up to be.” “Yeah.” “Thanks for your hospitality, dude.” “Any time. 
Don’t be a stranger.” He walked away and I sat to myself, playing with a pebble. I flicked it 
up three miles into the air at a speed of one hundred million miles per minute. It burned up. 
Some astronomical observatory a mile away noticed the strange phenomenon... a meteor 
going off the planet! They made a big fuss over it in the news. A day later, it was in the 
newspaper, which I noticed. “Geez, all that fuss over a rock I played with.” “That was you 
who caused it?” asked Yosho. “Yeah... I tossed a rock up... I guess a little too hard.” 
“You should be aware of your strength at all times.” “Thanks for the tip.” “Anytime.” I 
walked off. I teleported myself into Washu’s newly created lab. “How did you get here?!” 
she asked in surprise and shock when she saw me. “I have all kinds of safeguards to 
prevent that kind of entry!” “And I’m a mind slicer as well.” “You mean to tell me that 
you bypassed 635,839,958,385 security levels in three hundredths of a second... all with 
your mind?” “Yup.” “That’s incredible...” “Why?” “No, I just scanned your 
brainwaves and it reads ‘unknown’.” “I thought that feeling was familiar.” “You felt it? 
Only the most highly developed psychics can detect that!” “Well, I guess you’re looking 
at one.” “How do you get this kind of power?” “I said I came from a book. Well, I’m 
also the book’s author.” “Oh... but how is it present here?” “You’re in the book’s text 
right now, but you’re not actually in the book. This universe runs parallel to the one in my 
book, and in my universe your universe is a TV show.” “It’s impossible! This universe is 
very real!” “It is. It just happens to be the subject of a TV show somewhere else. I don’t 
mean that this universe is not real. But the odds of this universe running parallel to one that 
has the other as the subject of a TV show are pretty slim.” “Why aren’t you in the book?” 
“That’s the problem. I’m stuck.” “I see... so you can’t influence the book from this 
text?” “Yeah. I can watch the other text, though. Unfortunately, nobody else in this 
universe can see the other text.” “Tell me about your universe.” “Okay...” I sat down and 
started to explain.
The hologram of the admiral appeared on the screen. “Sir! Our units are arriving in the 
system!” “Excellent... tell them to halt as soon as they jump in.” “Sir!” The hologram 
disappeared. Suddenly, every holo-vid on New Vegeta changed to a familiar face, and a 
familiar voice spoke. “Citizens of New Vegeta, your president is dead. Astex has your 
planet surrounded. There is no escape. All of your communications are cut off. Surrender to 
Astex or be invaded. It is your choice, but I advise you to surrender. Your Corvus army is 
disabled, thanks to our electromagnetic pulses. SURRENDER OR DIE!” 
“Holy crap!” “What?” “My planet’s in trouble!” “How?” “Astex is taking over!” 
“Astex?” “Mining industry. I never thought they’d....” “Oh, no... you’d better get back 
there.” “Yeah... if I could!” 
The New Vegeta Space Force engaged the enemy. There were just too many! Astex droid 
fighters swarmed the planet, and the fighters all fought hard. The huge New Vegetan 
dreadnaughts took off, their cargo full of fighters, and launched hundreds of millions of 
fighters. But there were just as many Astex fighters as there were New Vegeta fighters, and 
the Astex fighters were just better than the New Vegetan ones. Their armor was nearly 
impenetrable! New Vegeta was losing fighters at a rate of one Astex fighter to three New 
Vegeta fighters. The planet was in trouble.
“I can’t just sit by and watch this happen!” “Looks like you’ll have to, unfortunately... I 
don’t think I can reverse an interdimensional wormhole.” “I have to get back there!” 
Astex landed its human-shaped droid troops on the planet. Quickly, the cabinet voted to 
surrender. And New Vegeta surrendered.
“Nooooo!” “What happened?” “The planet... surrendered.” “How bad is that?” 
“They’ll strip our planet bare of resources! They’re voracious!” 
The Astex officials watched as the cabinet members extended a shaky hand, one by one, to 
sign the treaty that would give Astex official control of the entire planet. “That’s the wise 
decision. You have saved your people from destruction. You are heroes.” “I don’t know 
about that... they’d want to fight to the last. In their eyes, we’re traitors, not heroes.” 
“Thank you very, very much... heh heh heh...” The official took the treaty and relayed it to 
the Galactic Government. It was quickly ratified, but with a few quizzical looks. 
“Damn! I can’t believe this!” I banged my fist on the floor. It went through. “Whoops, 
sorry.” I said, a bit embarassed. “What happened?” “The treaty was ratified by the 
Galactic Government. Astex... officially owns my planet now.” “Are you absolutely sure? 
That this is actually happening? I mean, it sounds a little farfetched.” “I swear it’s real. 
This is my universe, and it’s falling to pieces before my eyes without me there.” “So 
you’re kind of the light in the darkness?” “Yeah. If I was just a normal human being, my 
planet would have been overrun many times.” “And now that you’re gone, it’s 
happened?” “Yes. I have to get back there.” “I can’t really be sure that you’re telling the 
truth, but I guess there’s no harm in believing you.” “You’ve got to believe me.” “All 
right.” “I have to find a way to get back to my planet.” “I’ll work on it. Just leave it to 
me.” “You sure you can pull this off?” “Of course! I’m the greatest scientific genius in 
the universe!” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah!” “I wouldn’t say that...” “That’s right, you wouldn’t 
say you’re the greatest scientific genius in the universe, because I am!” “Obviously what 
you excel in at science you lack at sentence structure.” “What was that?” And you 
wouldn’t believe me, but I repeated it. To the scientist who had a machine that could turn me 
into a water sprite instantaneously. “We need to settle this. A scientist’s duel, it is.” “What 
do you mean?” I asked. “Exactly like a wizard’s duel. Except instead of magic, you use 
your own scientific devices against each other. A machine is set up to detect whether it is a 
scientific device or not, and if it isn’t, you’re disqualified. If you die, you’re also 
disqualified. Although we’re just having friendly competition, you know, nobody’s going to 
kill each other, but you should see some scientists that are hell-bent on fragging one 
another... but the duel has to be official in any case, therefore you have to have a second.” 
“A second... if I die...” “Right.” “But that’s not going to happen, right?” “Right. You 
can give up if you want.” “And I suppose that will happen to one of us.” “Yes. Do you 
accept?” “If it means I can test my wits against a peer, yes.” “A peer? Don’t joke. You’re 
no match for me. We each get a week to build and choose our seconds. Better get started.” 
She activated a timer. It read: 128:00:00:00. It started and immediately went: 127:59:59:99. I 
went to work outside. Not. 
I played the air guitar at a really loud volume, at least in my head. It was fun. Meanwhile, 
Washu was working on her machines. One of them was a spy device, which immediately 
got to work inspecting what I was doing. I was fully aware of its presence, and I turned 
around and waved, then got back to my jamming. She laughed. “He’s so cocky. He’ll 
really be sorry when I whoop him in a week.” For five whole days I spent the time lazing 
around, while Washu built increasingly scary-looking and scary-functioning machines, and 
got Mihoshi as her second. Her explanation was that Mihoshi was good at trashing 
scientific equipment, by accident, and her orders to Mihoshi were that if she were to appear 
to be losing, to switch over to my side. Mihoshi was of course very confused. I, meanwhile, 
spent the second-to-last day making just as scary-looking machines, and the final day 
making my second. 
Finally, it was the day of the duel. The makeshift stadium inside Washu’s subspace 
laboratory that seated seven was full. Washu stood at one end, I stood at the other. Mihoshi 
was sitting in the seconds’ box. Washu said, seemingly bored, “Where’s your second? It 
appears you didn’t have time to get one! Too bad!” “No, actually.” I took out a 
ventriloquist’s dummy. Just about half the so-called audience (everyone else in the house) 
laughed, while the other half wasn’t too sure what to make of it. I worked the mouth. “Hi, 
I’m Buddy, and I’m Alex’s second!” I said out of the corner of my mouth. I then 
remarked, “You’re going down in flames!” Washu looked angry. “We’ll see about that.” 
“Hey! It wasn’t me! It was him saying that!” “It’s a ventriloquist’s... oh, never mind. The 
duel will start when the clock runs out. Get ready!” There were two minutes left on the 
clock. I spent that time charging up the various machines I had ready, as did Washu. One of 
my machines took one and a half minutes to charge up. “Oh, that must be really scary.” 
said Washu. “Not really.” I said, as I hucked it up into the audience’s stands. It sprung 
out, an android, and started shouting, “Chips! Pretzels! Drinks! Only ten yen! Get ‘em 
while they’re fresh!” I could see that pleased the crowd, as they focused their attentions on 
handing the robot money. “You think you’re so good, don’t you? You’re going to go 
down, I swear!” She dug her feet into the sand floor of the stadium. The clock ran out. A 
gigantic alarm sounded, and Mihoshi, who was currently buying stuff from the robot, 
rushed back to the booth. “What did you think you were doing, Bubblehead?” demanded 
Washu. “I... was buying from the robot...” “That’s fraternizing with the enemy! I’ll have 
you know that-” And then the whole stadium was transported into a gigantic ice cavern by 
one of my machines. Immediately Washu put up a cosmic ray shield around her machines. 
“Impressive... a cosmic ray.” “How did you recognize it?” “I can recognize a cosmic 
ray... and I know how to get through it.” “Oh, no!” I armed an energy cannon. “This is 
energy, pure and simple. A cosmic ray can’t stop this.” I fired. She put up a mirror, 
quickly, and it reflected back at me. I dodged. It hit the cavern’s side, and it started 
collapsing. I quickly transported us to a dome on the surface of Pluto. “Pretty good...” she 
remarked. The audience was quite captivated now. Tenchi could be seen munching on his 
pretzel, but his eyes, as were the rest of the audience’s, were glued to the field. “Better not 
use any energy attacks, wise guy. That’ll punch a hole through the dome, and we’ll all die.” 
“Not really.” I said, and I fired at the dome’s ceiling, while putting up a reflector shield 
around the audience. “You idiot! One of us is going to be hit by that-” And it started 
bouncing around, not really hitting anyone. I caught the energy blast and reflected it towards 
her shield generator. It blew up. “Damn!” “Yes, your shield being down leaves you 
perfectly susceptible to good old... lead!” I took out an exceptionally large chaingun and 
mounted it on a kevlar tripod. “Eat this!” I shot out all the mainframes with the magnetic, 
radioactive Plutonium/Iron shells. “Very good, for an amateur like you, but I’ve got 
something more up my sleeve.” She raised her hand. “I was a goddess, you know...” 
“But magic will disqualify you. OH, DISS!” I put up my hands in the “dissed” gesture. 
She got pretty darn pissed. She blasted me with some machine. 
Well, I know I could have perfectly well gotten up after that, but then again, that would just 
be rubbing it in her face. Besides, I kind of thought it funny that her ego was so big. In any 
case, I gave up, not because I couldn’t have gone on, but it wouldn’t have been fair to win. 
After all, you can’t win ‘em all, and I didn’t want to make anyone unhappy. “You... win...” 
“Ah, you’re human after all! So, once again, the greatest scientific genius in the universe 
triumphs over another infidel! It was nothing! You have lost!” “Have I? Maybe I just let 
you win because I was getting bored.” “You’re not fooling me with... that... talk... 
whaddya mean? Come on, did you let me win? Seriously? I have to know!” “I’ll neeeeever 
tell.” I transported us back to the subspace lab. Washu was eager to dispatch the audience, 
especially Ryoko, who was currently laughing herself silly at the fact that her own 
egotistical mother could be so tortured by the fact that someone may have let her win. She 
turned to the audience. “Okay, show’s over, get outta here... MIHOSHI!” Mihoshi was 
once again conversing with the vendor droid. “Come on... I don’t have any money left!” 
“Chips, pretzels, drinks! 10 yen!” “But I spent over a thousand yen on you! Isn’t there 
some frequent customer discount?” “Chips, pretzels, drinks! 10 yen!” Washu stormed 
over, staring angrily at Mihoshi. “Mihoshi...” “Oh, Washu, glad to see you! Can I borrow 
10 yen? I’m really thirsty.” “If you leave.” “Oh, thank you!” She took the money and the 
droid processed the order, then said, “STOCK OUT. PLEASE SELECT ANOTHER.” 
She pressed many buttons, but all of them were out. “No! It can’t be!” Mihoshi had eaten 
everything inside the droid’s food stocks. She pressed the return change button. It wouldn’t 
work. “Mihoshi... I think you’ve had enough.” “No! Wait! This is impossible!” “Allow 
me to rephrase that... get out of my laboratory.” “Can you fix it?” “No.” Mihoshi sulked 
off, out the door. Washu sat down to think. After locking the door, of course. But it wasn’t 
too long before she convinced herself that I was just saying I let her win, and that she really 
was the greatest scientific genius in the universe. After which she continued her normal 
research, with a little more spring in her step this time. The larger the ego, the faster it heals. 
I, meanwhile, was designing a RandomSpace portal on the coffee table inside. Sasami came 
up to me, interested. “What’s that?” “It’s a design for a RandomSpace portal. It’s all 
made from currently existing technology. All I need are a few spare parts. This should 
work.” “What’ll it do?” “Essentially, it can call forth any material object I desire from the 
fifth dimension, as soon as I get the coordinates right.” “Sounds interesting.” “Yeah. My 
planet’s in real trouble back home. I have to get back there.” “What kind of trouble?” “A 
mining industry has taken over. If I don’t get back there soon, they’ll destroy all of my 
planet’s natural environment!” “That’s terrible!” “I know. I never expected them to go 
this far. They actually think they assassinated me.” “What made them do this?” “They’re 
just greedy. They prize money over human lives.” “I can’t believe they’d do that.” “Well, 
it’s happening.” “On Jurai, we have a great respect for our natural environment.” “So I’ve 
heard. New Vegeta also follows something of the same creed.” “What’s your natural 
environment like?” “Well, to tell you the truth, it’s nowhere near as interesting as yours. 
Most of it is dirt, snow, and rocks.” “Your entire planet?” “No, a lot of it is one big city. 
But a third of the entire planet is national park. At least, it was. Now Astex is totally 
ravaging it. There’s an ocean underground too. It nearly spreads to the area of the entire 
planet. But there are some land forms under there, and that’s what keeps us up. Astex 
doesn’t know that. Which means that they’ll probably drill them, and when that happens...” 
“Oh, no...” “The entire planet’s crust will collapse upon itself, and it will probably be 
destroyed.” “I wish there was something I could do.” “There is. Can you go to Washu’s 
lab for me? She’s kind of... angry at me.” “For making fun of her out in that duel you 
had?” “Yeah. Also, the vendor robot kind of got on her nerves as well. I just need you to 
give her this list. Please.” I wrote it down.
Washu- I’m sorry about the duel. But in order to get back to my home planet, I need a few 
items... I hope you can forgive me. Here is the list.
1 solenoid electromagnet- w/a field over nine Tesla
1 vacuum chamber- at least a kilometre in length
1 large hadron collider- this one’s kind of a toughie
Please. I really need your help. Here are the blueprints for the device I need. I can’t produce 
these three items myself. If you can do it... then you’ll have proven you’re a bigger genius 
than me. I’ll admit it.
I attached the blueprints. Sasami took them. “Thanks. I really appreciate it.” “You’re 
welcome.” She knocked on the door. I hid somewhere. Washu’s head popped out, and 
looked around. “Sasami, what is it?” she asked in a friendly voice. “Alex asked me to give 
these to you.” “Alex... so, he’s too chicken to do it himself?” “He said you were angry at 
him.” “Of course I... wait a minute...” She looked at the paper. “A solenoid 
electromagnet? He can’t get one himself! Ha ha ha!” She thanked Sasami and closed the 
door, laughing out loud. I appeared somewhere outside. Two hours later I heard a gigantic 
humming and a short explosion, then an electronic scrambling noise and finally a burst of 
energy. I teleported myself into the lab. The gigantic blue-green rippling gateway was 
completed, and hummed to life. “So, you finished it!” She turned to me. “I didn’t believe 
you when you said you discovered an effective means of black hole travel, but I guess you 
were right! However, I built it! You couldn’t!” “Yes, you’re a greater genius than me. I 
admit it.” She spread her arms sideways. “This source of untapped pure power... I didn’t 
think it existed!” “Well, it does now.” I thought hard. I concentrated. A smaller, green 
portal appeared four meters outside the house. Afterward, it sent out a sparkly chaff as a 
change was made to it that made it permanent. I teleported there. I sent a mental message to 
everyone in the house. They all made it outside to see me off. I waved good-bye as I 
dropped down into the portal on the ground. 
Washu waved goodbye at me falling into the portal. “Any minute now...” she said. The 
others departed while she remained waiting for the portal to collapse. A few minutes passed. 
“WHAT? He made it permanent!” Ryoko suddenly appeared behind her. “Ah, well, I 
guess your safeguards failed!” “Impossible! That RandomSpace device is... it’s so 
powerful... I never would have thought....” “Looks like you weren’t prepared!” “I’m not 
going to discuss this with you!” Ryoko stayed behind, taunting, while Washu stormed into 
her lab. The RandomSpace portal crackled and hummed with power. “What power... I 
can’t just destroy it. Ah, well, he wasn’t annoying enough for me to destroy this kind of 
power.” “I don’t suppose you would give it up.” “Go away!” And suddenly, Ryoko was 
ejected from the lab. 
Act III: A Lot Of Stuff Happens
Astex freighters shoved off the planet. Meanwhile, down on the surface, Ship was tied down 
to the ground. It was a massive operation, and Ship was continually fighting the ropes. But 
they were simply too strong. The droid crew was under arrest. None of them had revealed 
the fact that the Evergreen Cortex was also Alex. I appeared thrown out of the portal from 
my RV. It was behind a poster I had on the wall of Tenchi Muyo. How sickeningly ironic. 
The portal actually deposited you out a few inches in front of its actual location, so the 
portal was invisible behind the poster, while the person was thrown out an inch in front of 
the poster. Good thing, because it hid the portal’s location. And no one but me knew where 
it was. I opened one of my drawers. Inside was my spy suit. I put on a black shirt, black 
pants, a bulletproof vest, boots, gloves, goggles, a ski mask, and a helmet. I flew over 
outside. Nobody knew who I was, and I snuck down into the streets. I walked around. I 
went into an alley, and contacted Ship with my mind. “Ship... where are you?” “ALEX! 
THANK PESCI, THEY TOLD ME YOU WERE DEAD!” “Where are you?” “I’M 
TIED UP OVER NEAR THE GREEN HOUSE. YOU CAN’T MISS ME. I’M 
THIRTEEN KILOMETRES LONG!” “Where’s the crew?” “CAPTURED. THEY’RE 
BEING HELD IN THE SEPTAGON.” “You... haven’t given away my identity, have 
you?” “OF COURSE NOT. TO THEM, THE EVERGREEN CORTEX IS STILL 
ALIVE, AND LOOKING FOR HIS SHIP.” I teleported myself to the Green House. 
There was Ship, unmistakaby. Its white bulk towered over much of the local area. I 
teleported myself over there. I walked around on top of Ship. There were polonium cords all 
over. “Polonium cords...” I said. I chopped one. It came apart easily. I formed an 
incredibly sharp blade with my hand, and held it down near the cords while I flew at top 
speed from the end of Ship’s stern to the tip of its bow. The cords all came loose, and I 
teleported to the cockpit. “Ship! Get us off the planet!” “Roger!” It took off into the sky, 
under heavy fire from the planet’s surface. We stopped by the Septagon. “Ship! Quick! 
Deploy your shield over the Septagon! Hurry!” “Affirmative!” Ship deployed its shield, 
and I snuck down into the Septagon’s prison level. I ran through, cutting all the locks and 
running from the guards. Finally I got all 65,000 of them freed and on board Ship after 
about two hours and fifteen minutes of releasing cells at a rate of about four a second, with 
each cell containing two droids. They all warped up into Ship the instant their electronic 
bonds were broken. I warped up as soon as I was done. Ship took off into the sky and 
teleported itself to Sol. We rested there. But soon, we got back on our course for New 
Vegeta and sped towards the Astex fleet. They were no match for us. We completely 
annihilated the drone fighters, then moved on to destroy the electromagnetic pulse ships, and 
the spherical Corvus army ravaged the drone army down below. Corvids overwhelmed the 
capital, and forced the Astex officials to escape in a pod. I captured the pod by making Ship 
look like an Astex VIP transport via hologram projection. They still thought it was one 
when I greeted them aboard as the President of New Vegeta. “Hi, there.” They could only 
gibber in shock when they saw me. “Whowassiswottharriop!” “I think we need a new 
contract. Here’s a contract I wrote up.”
Astex industries is to STAY AWAY FROM NEW VEGETA under ANY 
CIRCUMSTANCES!
Aka... no Astex presence of any kind will be tolerated by this contract on any planet, not 
solely New Vegeta. Astex is to be hereby disbanded for crimes against humanity, crimes 
against the environment, and monopolization of Outer Worlds. 
“I think you’ll find this contract easy to abide by.” “What the---” “We’re not signing 
this!” “Mr. Iper thinks you will.” “Who’s Mr. Iper?” I took out an energy weapon of 
some kind. “This guy.” I shot through a concrete wall that rose out of the floor. “And, it’s 
an automatic.” I made multiple holes in only a hundredth of a second. “So, are you signing 
now?” But they were already frantically scribbling their signatures. “Good.” I faxed it to 
the Galaxy Government and they ratified it, again with some strange looks. “Okay, the 
treaty is ratified. Now, get outta here, ya bums!” I kicked them out of Ship into the escape 
pod and set it for Regulus. The pod disappeared into RandomSpace. 
I got out of Ship, and it docked itself with the TEC Boltro Surveillance Station after 
cloaking. I teleported myself down to the Green House, where there was a gigantic parade 
going on outside. I stood on the addressing balcony. I raised my hands high into the air and 
the crowd cheered. I put them down and the cheering stopped. I cleared my throat. I put my 
hands up again. The crowd cheered. I put them down. The cheering stopped. I did it over 
and over again, quickly, slowly, and then a Secret Service Agent tapped me on the shoulder. 
“Sir, they’re expecting you to make a speech.” “I know that!” I cleared my throat again. 
“People of New Vegeta: I come before you to make a declaration. As you can clearly see, 
the Astex army has been defeated and their forces have withdrawn. But I come to inform 
you that just half an hour ago, I intercepted the retreating Astex officials and forced them to 
sign a new treaty- one that was quickly ratified. In this treaty, first and foremost, Astex 
cannot touch New Vegeta. In the second part, Astex is no more. It has been officially 
disbanded for crimes against humanity and the environment, and monopolization of the 
outer worlds. People of New Vegeta, we are free!” The crowd cheered as I raised my hands 
into the air, then brought them down again. “People of New Vegeta, I’m sorry. I wasn’t 
here when you needed me the most. It was due to an interdimensional wormhole, which is 
now stablized, so don’t worry about it sneaking up on me again. I wish you all a free and 
happy life, and a good afternoon!” I turned and walked into the Green House. The crowd’s 
cheers were deafening. I walked into the Oblong Office from the balcony and there were 
several reporters there to greet me, who promptly shoved microphones in my face and asked 
me questions. “One at a time!” I said. “Mr. President, is it true that you encountered an 
interdimensional wormhole?” “I just said so, didn’t I?” “Mr. President, you alone 
captured the Astex officials?” “With the help of a holoprojector.” “How did you 
accomplish this?” “First I made my ship look like an Astex VIP transport. The officials 
got on board and I forced them at gunpoint to sign a new treaty. One that disbanded 
Astex.” “Mr. President, how do you explain the sudden disappearance of the Evergreen 
Cortex’s ship and his crew from captivity?” “He came and got them.” “Mr. President, is 
it true that Astex tried to assassinate you?” “As far as I can tell. It certainly seemed that 
way. My elevator crashed, I was shot at, I fell into a booby trap on the sidewalk, my car was 
rigged with a bomb, a fighter jet tried to kill me in the air, and an assassin crept into my RV 
while I was asleep.” “You fought off a fighter jet?” “Yeah. It actually crashed into me and 
was destroyed.” “Mr. President, where is your RV you keep mentioning?” “That’s a 
secret.” “The people want to know!” “You wouldn’t go up to a guy on a street and ask 
him where he lives, would you?” “No...” “Well, why are you asking me? The people are 
probably more interested in what the Secretary of Defence has to say.” The Secretary 
looked over at me with a curious face. “What? I-” They rushed over to the unsuspecting 
Secretary as I teleported out of there. A reporter caught it on videotape, but quickly returned 
to filming the Secretary of Defence’s attempts at comprehending what was going on. 
No, Jon and Matt, I am NOT going to delete the part where I am transported to the Tenchi 
Muyo! universe, and in fact I’m going to make it have a signifigant part of the story as well. 
Just to spite you. 
I appeared back in my RV. It was invisible from the outside due to the cloaking field around 
it. To everyone else, it was an abandoned split-level house. I jumped toward the poster, and 
toppled out the other side, into the other universe. It was the dead of night. Nobody was 
there. I took out an air horn. “Nahhh... that would just be mean.” I put it away. I took out a 
duck call. I used it several times, and hid in the bushes. Ryo-ohki eventually came out. She 
sniffed along the bush line, but couldn’t find anything that might hint at a duck around. I 
used it again, hidden. Ryo-ohki sniffed the air. That smells like... gasoline? And... that rude 
person... She hissed at the bushes. I stifled a laugh. Ryo-ohki quickly returned to the 
house. I slept hanging upside-down from a tree. 
I was awakened by the voice of Aeka demanding what I was doing here. I opened my eyes. 
“Hanging upside down from a tree and sleeping, or at least I was.” “What is it you came 
back here for? News?” “Actually, yes.” I jumped down from the tree. “My planet 
successfully fought off Astex with me there, and we’re now independent again.” “Astex?” 
“That mining industry threatened to strip my planet bare of resources. So, I held up the 
leaders at gunpoint and forced them to disband Astex itself. There’s no threat anymore.” 
“Congratulations.” “Thanks.” “But shouldn’t you be attending to your presidential 
duties?” “No, that’s the beauty of democracy. It practically runs itself.” “But wouldn’t 
your people be worried?” “Nah... they do just fine without me.” “I thought that Astex 
invaded while you were stuck here.” “They did... but now I can get back there if they get in 
trouble.” “I wish I could get back to Jurai if I wanted.” “Kagato should have had a 
chamber to simulate Jurai’s atmosphere and growing season on board Soja. It must’ve 
fallen here somewhere. You have the seed of Ryu-oh, right?” “Yes... but how did you 
know?” “Magic.” “Really?” “No, but the truth is a lot more complicated.” I yawned. 
“Now, if you’ll excuse me...” I returned to the top of the tree, where I continued my nap. I 
woke up an hour later. Tenchi was practicing his swordsmanship skills with his grandfather 
a kilometre away. I saw. I teleported a few metres away and watched. They paused for a 
second. I yelled, “Hey! Wanna try against me?” Yosho looked up at me. “You know how 
to fight?” “Of course I do. I said, wanna see if your style beats mine?” “I... guess so...” 
“All right! You two against me. Come on.” “Two against one hardly seems fair.” “Key 
word there being seems.” “All right, I accept your challenge. Tenchi, you okay with that?” 
“Yeah.” “All right then, it’s settled.” I took out my lead-plated cricket paddle. At this 
point, it was just that, and the energy blaster was turned off, as well as the secretion 
canisters. I stared them down. “Have at you!” I came down upon Yosho like several wolves 
on the fold. He didn’t seem to know where I was. Tenchi stabbed at my back, and missed, 
nearly getting his grandfather instead. I flipped over and tossed my paddle in the air, which 
came down and snapped Tenchi’s bokken in half like a toothpick, and I reached down and 
caught it, along with half of Tenchi’s wooden practice device. “Impressed?” I asked. “It’s 
not over yet!” said Yosho. He charged me, and I quickly stepped out of the way and sliced 
at him from behind, which he quickly blocked and slashed at me as well. “Your sword is 
made from superior wood... any normal wood would have splintered by now.” I said over 
the muffled whacking of metal against wood and the whooshing of the arms through the air. 
I quickly strung the snapped-off half of Tenchi’s sword onto the end of my paddle and 
swung it around like a flail. The chain quickly wound itself around Yosho’s sword and I 
detached it, and flung it off into the woods. I still had my paddle. “The match is mine. 
Sorry about the equipment.” “No problem. Let’s review, Tenchi... how did he beat us?” 
“I’m not sure. It happened so fast.” “Your first mistake was to try to help me before you 
realized his tactics...” I walked away, suspicious that Yosho had let me win. After all, he 
seemed to really know what he was talking about when he debriefed Tenchi. Perhaps this 
was some bizarre lesson... maybe he had expected me to challenge them. “Ah, well, that’s 
no problem.” I said quietly to myself. I teleported into Washu’s lab. “Hey, how’s the 
RandomSpace devi- Holy S***!” The room was chock full of anything anyone in the 
event horizon held in check by the magnetic field had thought of. I turned to Washu.“The 
fifth dimension is infinitely vast, and it is a link to the human mind. Don’t use it 
carelessly.” “I didn’t! I only had the coordinates to here for twenty minutes!” “Okay. 
First off, you have to concentrate only on what you want. But you gotta admit, 
RandomSpace is pretty cool, huh?” “It’s incredible! But... there’s one problem...” 
“What?” “It completely puts science to obsoleteness.” “That’s the thing. This thing will 
put an end to a need for science. Science will become the pure-research art that it always 
should have been. Science will no longer be a duty, it will be considered an art, and therefore 
scientists, though fewer in number, will have higher esteem from the people.” “I don’t 
know if I agree with you.” “Well, you can disagree if you want, but the fact is, the portal’s 
open. If you disagree, you can hide the existence of the portal.” “This is all very strange.” 
“So did they say of Copernicus when he theorized a heliocentric universe, and of Darwin 
when he theorized evolution, as did they say of even yourself at one period.” “I guess I 
could analyze the portal.” “No need. There’s a perfectly logical reason for its existence 
that I already know.” “No, thanks! I’d rather find out myself.” “Suit yourself.” I 
teleported to the field, where already the events of episode seven were playing out. “Geez, 
am I that insignifigant? Obviously the chaos theory was wrong.” It got late at night, and I 
slept for a few hours, then woke up, confident no one would get in my way. I forgot how 
wrong I was. I made a strange metal pole out of thin air. I pressed a button, and it changed 
into a feudal Japanese katana.
A word about katanas. They are THE sword. You have no idea how sharp the antique ones 
are. Slide your finger along the blade, and you’ll be seeing your own bone marrow. Wave 
your finger up and down at even a slow speed, and you’ll be ordering only four beers for 
the rest of your life. Not only that, but at that sharpness, you can rest it on your leg and it 
won’t even sting, because katanas are lightweight. That’s right, a feudal Japanese katana is 
just about the best sword ever made. Now back to our regular broadcast day.
I took the katana in my right hand. I waved my left hand and produced a target a hectametre 
away, then gripped the hilt and raised it slowly and deliberately. I threw. The whooshing 
sound could be heard from the sword spinning two thousand one hundred and sixty 
degrees (6 complete rotations) a second. I was suddenly killed by a land mine.

THE END
Aha, gotcha, didn’t I? Well, back to our program.

The katana spun its way through the air. Suddenly, Aeka and Ryoko got out of the lake. 
“Oh, crap! I forgot about--- LOOK OUT!” They ducked. It hit the target dead-centre. I 
rushed over. “Oh, god. I didn’t see-” “JUST WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE 
DOING?” they screamed with indignation. “I was throwing a katana. I didn’t know about-
” “That was too close.” “There was a force field-” “Look, I’m sorry, I really didn’t see 
you.” They were still a bit peeved at their near-death experience, but then Mihoshi’s ship 
glimmered in the sky. It was coming back like it should have. I teleported myself over to the 
“landing” site. The ship was about to hit. I caught it on my fingertip and gently set it down, 
to prevent the demolition of everything within ten square kilometres. God, I was messing 
this universe up. But at least now I knew I wasn’t insignifigant. I pressed on back to the 
transuniversal portal and slipped inside. I left a note near it.
“That was rude.” Aeka remarked. “What was he throwing a katana around for?” Ryoko 
inquired. “How should I know? Perhaps he was just being obnoxious.” “That was a close 
call.” “It was interesting, the way he was standing so far away and hit dead-centre.” “Did 
he? I didn’t notice.” “Look right over there-” But the sword had gone. “It was there!” “I 
see the hole. That’s interesting.” “He did defeat Kagato within twenty seconds. I think 
he’s a lot more powerful than we give him credit for.” “Whatever.” “Do you think he’s 
gone home?” “Probably. Coward.” “We’ve got to find some way around that forcefield 
on the door...”
I arrived at my RV. The RV sure seemed alien after a day in an animated world. I walked 
out on the street, where people pointed at me but didn’t make much of a fuss. I teleported 
into a good old fashioned McDonald’s. I ordered a large #2, plain, with diet coke. My 
usual. I sat down next to the holo-vid. “Wait, this is the very same McDonald’s the story 
started in!” I remembered the same place Dennis sat in. Quite coincidentally, Dennis 
walked in the moment I noticed it. “Dennis! How’s it going?” He turned toward me. 
“Alex! Buddy!” I got up and patted him on the shoulder. “What have you been up to 
these past weeks?” “Oh, not much... What about you?” “Well, I fought off Astex, like 
you heard, and I discovered a portal to a separate universe entirely.” “What’s it like 
there?” “Oh, same old.” I lied. “Okay, well, we should talk together!” “Okay.” I sat 
down while he ordered and scarfed all the food. Dennis arrived back to the table. “So, 
what’s shaking?” “Not much.” he replied. “Look, Dennis, are you still mad that I ordered 
you to sacrifice Alligator’s life, and the shaving cream incident?” “Naw, that stuff’s over.” 
“Glad you think so.” “There’s not much catching up we can do, is there?” “Nope... I 
guess not.” “Well, it was nice to see you again.” “Anytime, buddy.” He finished the last 
fry and went out of the restaurant. I teleported myself to my RV. It was full. “What the...” 
There were all the Tenchi Muyo group in tourist clothing, and they sure looked strange to 
be non-animated. “What are you doing here?” Washu looked up at me. “What? You came 
into our universe, so we decided we want to learn more about yours!” “Well, I guess that’s 
reasonable... come on, I’ll show you around.” I stepped outside, and immediately I could 
see that everyone was extremely cold. “Sorry, that’s the weather on New Vegeta.” 
“I’m...freezing...” said Ryoko. “And... you’re... wearing... a... T-shirt...” “Yeah. You 
kind of get used to it after you’ve lived here a while, but perhaps you all would be wise to 
go back and get your winter clothing.” “Right...” said Tenchi. “Come on... we’d better 
get back.” I teleported back into the RV and turned on the Holo-vid while they went back 
into the portal. I played a video game that wasn’t really satisfying. It was a fighting video 
game, and I was kicking some giant mutant panda’s butt when all of a sudden, a thunderclap 
sounded. I stuck my head into the portal, and it appeared out of the ground there. “Hey!” 
They turned back at my head. “Bring umbrellas! I just heard some thunder!” “Okay... 
we’ll keep that in mind.” I pulled my head back in. Suddenly, it started hailing. And just as 
suddenly, it stopped. They stepped back through the portal ten minutes later. “Okay, 
everybody ready?” They all nodded. “Okay, step through the door in the back...” I 
teleported outside. “Okay, I’ll show you around. This is New Jersey avenue, the longest 
road on New Vegeta. It runs straight over there to the Green House, which you can see. 
That’s the center of the government here, and it’s where I normally live.” “Ooh...” A 
freighter passed overhead. I pointed it out. “As you can see, New Vegeta is a big space 
trading planet. We get a lot of mileage out of our local corporations such as Starbound 
Shipping. Over to your left is a McDonald’s. New Vegeta has the fourth highest number of 
fast food restaurants in the universe.” Mihoshi asked, “What’s the highest?” “Mars.” 
“Mars? That’s strange.” “Indeed. But strangely, Mars was inhabited by fast-food gurus. 
Over to the left of the Green House, you’ll see a communications tower. That’s our main 
sentry post. It monitors all incoming and outgoing transmissions and space traffic. Now, I 
want you all to grab my hand. We’re going to the bus stop.” They complied and I 
teleported to the bus stop. “You can let go now. A tour hoverbus should arrive at any 
minute, and they can explain the planet in greater detail.” Surely enough, it did arrive. We 
boarded it. It ascended to five hundred metres and shot off at an incredibly high speed. I 
could see several people, namely Tenchi and Mihoshi, who were offset by the ship’s high 
speed. A voice came on over the speakers. “Hi, folks, and welcome to New Vegeta’s 
National Star Tour Service. We’re coming up on the main RandomSpace terminal now. If 
you’d like to get off, you’ll have fifteen minutes to do so before the bus departs again for 
the Green House.” It slowed down and docked itself with a ground level builing’s gate. We 
got off. “This is the main RandomSpace terminal.” “Amazing... that technology harnessed 
as a personal transport system?” said Washu. “Yep.” “And this is galaxywide?” “No, 
actually, this is universal. This actually isn’t the Milky Way. We’re several hundred trillion 
light years away from it now. This is the Poitxog galaxy.” “Oh, my... that far from Earth?” 
Aeka asked. “Yes. Kind of dizzying, isn’t it? But with this system, you can get to Earth in 
three seconds flat.” “Incredible...” said Washu. “We’re coming up on the actual facility 
now. Take a good look. We’ve only got fifteen minutes.” The gigantic blue-green rippling 
gateways crackled with energy and they all pressed their faces up against the glass windows 
where thousands of people were stepping into the gateways. “These actually aren’t the 
black holes themselves, those are long gone, but these are actual replicas of its power, minus 
the ability to create any material object, or go back or forward in time, because we can’t have 
just anybody using that.” “Why not?” asked Ryoko. “Well, there have been some... 
incidents, in which some evil person has got his hands on that kind of power, and used it for 
his own greed. I had a run-in with one such person only a few weeks ago.” “What 
happened to him?” “He was truly evil, but a terrible fighter. I broke his neck with a single 
punch. He exploded in deep space.” “Your life must be... signifigantly more interesting 
than most.” “Yeah. Okay, it’s about time we got back to the tour bus.” “Already?” asked 
Sasami. “Yup. We don’t want to miss the Green House, do we?” We walked back towards 
the waiting tour bus, and everyone else was already on board. The driver recognised me, as 
she didn’t before. “Are you... the president?” “Yeah.” “It’s an honor, sir. Showing some 
tourists around?” “Yep.” “Have a good time! Next stop, the Green House.” The bus 
lurched off as Mihoshi got used to the speed. Unfortunately, Tenchi was not. “Wassa 
matter, Tenchi? Seasick?” I asked. He looked out the window. “I don’t think I could ever 
get used to this...” “Take a Prozac.” We arrived at the Green House. “Green House! Last 
stop! Everybody off!” We got off as the bus returned to the depot. The building looked 
exactly like the White House, except green. “So, this is the Green House.” “Not much to 
say about it, is there?” said Ryoko. “Nope. It’s just the head of the government. And since 
you don’t live here, I’m sure you don’t feel a surge of patriotism coming on.” “Is that 
your flag?” asked Washu. “Yes, it is.” “A pencil and a flask in the sun’s rays?” “Yes. 
New Vegeta was founded on the enrichment of science and learning.” “Ah, how 
refreshing.” “Wanna see the Septagon?” “What’s that?” asked Sasami. “The 
Septagon’s where the Department of Defence is located. It’s a lot cooler than the Green 
House, I assure you, but I’m not supposed to let people like you in there. But I know 
you’re green. Now, don’t go telling about this to anyone else here, okay?” “Okay.” they 
all said. I waved my hand, telling all personnel to evacuate the Septagon to report to the 
Green House under regular drill. They all ran next door. I teleported us all into the 
Septagon, inside a pocket of air, for all the air was sucked out during these evacuations. 
“This is the War Room.” “Cool!” said Mihoshi. “It’s really not. This is where all our 
top-secret dirty tricks ops are carried out. We’re not as benign as most outsiders think.” 
“Oh, my...” “Next up is the secret weapons research lab.” I teleported us all down there. 
“This is where we develop all our military technology. That must be the Iper. I use it a lot, 
but it’s still experimental.” “What’s it do?” “Very nasty stuff to the human body. Next, 
we’ll go to the basement storage area.” I teleported us there. Some nuclear warheads were 
lying about. “WHAT? I THOUGHT I ORDERED DISARMAMENT! THOSE 
JERKS!” “What is it?” asked Aeka. I pointed a finger at the warheads, trembling with 
rage. “Those... are nuclear weapons. They are... evil. I ordered disarmament of them as 
soon as I assumed office, but they.... Oh, well, I can just disarm them now.” I teleported 
over and attached a post-it to the nuke. It read- 
Dear Septagon sons-of-b*tches,
I ordered disarmament. This warhead- you know what?- it makes me feel very angry. 
Disarm any others you have lying around, or I’ll tell.
Love,
Alexander Jared .
President of the People’s Republic and Colony of New Vegeta

“I... think this is enough for the Septagon today.” Ryoko looked at me. “What else?” 
“Okay, you all... I’ll let you in on a secret, if you absolutely promise not to tell ANYONE 
in this universe. You’ll be the only ones who truly know it. Besides someone else... but 
he’s no problem.” “We promise.” they all said. “Okay... I am not only Alexander , 
president of New Vegeta. I am also the Evergreen Cortex, notorious and wanted space pirate 
extraordinaire.” “What?” “Would you like to see my headquarters?” “This should be 
interesting...” said Washu. I teleported to Ship. “This... is the greatest battleship ever 
made. It spans a full distance of thirteen entire kilometres. It is the equivalent of a mobile 
space colony in size and crew, and it also has the greatest firepower of any ship ever made. 
A full ten small towns could live here in peace.” “It looks creepy from the outside.” said 
Ryoko. “I HEARD THAT.” a booming voice sounded. “What!?” she gasped. “Ship’s 
an AI... I’d avoid hurting its feelings if I were you.” “YEAH. WHAT HE SAID.” Aeka 
asked, “Your ship’s organic?” “Not quite. Its body is artificial. But its personality is quite 
real.” “YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.” “This is where I conduct all my operations.” “That 
explains why you told Soja to hijack the freighters...” said Washu.“Oh, yeah... heh heh... 
sorry about that... I got a little carried away...” I put my head down. “Why did you let us in 
on the secret?” “Uh... because it’s really cool.” “I agree.” said Ryoko. “I... guess... 
although an occupation other than a pirate would have been more agreeable...” said Aeka. 
“What’s wrong with it?” said Ryoko. “You’re all just a pack of thieves!” “Well at least 
pirates aren’t mostly snooty little weasels like you!”  “Weasel?! I never... better a weasel 
than a monster!” I suggested to the others to put in earplugs while I tried to resolve the 
argument. “STAY OUT OF THIS!” they both yelled. “Excuse me, but if you’re going to 
fight, I’d advise you NOT to injure the battleship. He’s very sensitive in this area, and you 
know what happens if he gets angry?” “What?” “We all die.” They stood still for a 
while. “I... guess you have a point there.” They stopped fighting. “Thank you for being 
reasonable.” “THEY BETTER NOT HURT MY TUMMY.” “They won’t, Ship, don’t 
worry.” A soldier robot passed by, then looked at Aeka. “Heyyy... good looking... how’s 
about a drink at the...” “I have never been so insulted in my life!” The robot scurried 
away. I looked at her. I paused. “He is so fired.” “Hey, princess, hit on by a robot, eh? 
Looks like they’re lowering their standards a bit...” said Ryoko. “YOU HEARD WHAT I 
SAID, GUESTS.” said Ship. “Right... heh heh... I mean, that was very rude.” “ALEX, 
ARE YOU THE ONLY HUMAN WHO MAKES SENSE?” “Maybe.” Sasami laughed. 
“WHAT IS FUNNY?” “The way you can push my sister and Ryoko around. Usually, 
nobody can do that.” “THAT IS FUNNY?” “Yes.” “HUMANS ARE ILLOGICAL.” I 
turned to Ship. “Illogical, yes, but so are you.” “I HARDLY WOULD SAY THAT.” 
“You’re an artificial sentience. You have emotions. Emotions are illogical. Hence, you are 
illogical.” “WHATEVER.” “And you can push Ship around.” “CAN NOT.” “Yeah, 
we’re more partners than a ship and captain. Sort of like Ryoko and Ryo-ohki.” “Miya!” 
Ryo-ohki said in affirmation. “Although I can push the robots around.” “SO CAN I.” 
“Of course.” “Can anyone push the robots around?” “No, not just anyone. They usually 
only obey someone after they trust them.” “They’re artificial intelligence too?” “Sort of. 
They have emotions like trust, and loyalty, anger, and happiness, but they can’t really feel 
some of the more complex emotions like love, betrayal, sadness, or depression.” “That’s 
so sad... to be almost a complete person, but not...” “Well, they don’t care.” “I wish they 
did...” “Honestly, they’re happier with stunted emotions.” “It’s so sad though...” “I 
didn’t make them that way. Whoever said ‘deus ex machina’ wasn’t kidding.” “What?” 
“‘God from machine’. It means that machines have almost complete power.” “I don’t get 
it.” “Neither do I. Roman philosophers always confused me.” “ATTENTION ALL 
STAFF. WILL DROID 57-B83924 PLEASE REPORT TO DECK.” The droid quickly 
appeared. “What’d I do?” “YOU ARE FIRED.” “What? What’d I do?” “CODE 8593-
204B STATES DISTINCTLY THAT YOU ARE TO BE COURTEOUS AND 
RESPECTFUL TO GUESTS AT ALL TIMES. CLEAN OUT YOUR DESK AND 
REPORT TO ESCAPE POD ARCHIMEDES 45939 FOR YOUR DISMISSAL.” A large 
hand came down from the ceiling and slipped a pink slip into the droid’s data bank. “Like I 
said. He is so fired.” The droid turned around. “Please...” “Oh, all right... if you’re 
willing to take stasis duty.” “Stasis duty?” asked Aeka. “Most of my army is in stasis, 
ready for any battles or boardings. He was brought out to keep order in the ship, and ended 
up doing the opposite. He’s good on the battlefield, though.” “How can you keep track of 
all these droids?” “Simple. I get to know them personally.” “And how many do you 
know?” “Sixty-five thousand fine individuals.” “That’s incredible...” “Okay, moving 
on... you’ve seen how Ship works, so let’s see what Ship has. Coming up on your right is 
the transport to the various areas of Ship, as well as a directory.” “SEE WHAT I HAVE 
TO OFFER.” Ryoko laughed. “This ship cracks me up.” “CRACK YOU UP, DO I? 
YOU ARE INJURED?” She laughed even more. I looked up.“Ship, it’s an idiom. And 
it’s not even a subtle one at that! ‘In a pickle’ might be acceptable, but ‘cracks me up’ is so 
obvious it’s just dumb for you not to understand. So, start learning idioms!” I explained. 
“OH. I HATE THOSE THINGS.” “Get used to them. You’re going to encounter a lot 
more.” “WHATEVER. SEE THE DIRECTORY. I HAVE MANY GOOD PLACES TO 
GO.” “I suppose you’re all interested in the inner workings of Ship itself? Come, we shall 
see the core.” We stepped aboard. The interior was blue plastic with a teal outline, and from 
the windows we saw the tube was made entirely out of gray pipes of different sizes. “All 
right, Ship, full speed to the central core.” “PLEASE.” “All right, please take us to the 
central core.” “THAT’S BETTER.” “Whatev-” and then the transport shot forward. The 
cables flew past us. Suddenly, it stopped. “Central core. Hard hat area. Please take 
caution.” “Please put on hard hats, because a lunchbox or something could fall and kill 
you if you don’t.” I said. “Or a core rod. Or a nail gun. Or an energy pocket. Or a...” “I 
THINK THEY GET THE POINT.” “Thanks, Ship. Got a little carried away there.” “NO 
PROBLEM.” We walked inside. The enormous green glowing ball powered the entire 
ship. It spun around at near the speed of light. “This is a Morning Star Mark IX reactor. It 
is still the most powerful reactor available anywhere within five hundred quadrillion light 
years.” “What’s that?” said Mihoshi, looking over at the battery pit. “A battery pit. It 
recharges the droids by sending electric currents through hydrochloric acid. The wires run 
to all the recharge stations on Ship. ... Don’t touch. Or you’ll die two equally nasty deaths. 
One from electrocution, and the other from acidic corrosion.” “You sure have a lot of 
things that can kill you on this ship.” said Ryoko. “I don’t normally have tours through 
here. The droids know what they’re doing. They’re the only ones who are normally in here. 
I believe that’s enough touring of Ship. The droids would like to get back to their business, 
and to be honest, I’m no tour guide. So, everyone, do you like what you’ve seen of my 
universe?” They all answered in the affirmative. “I hoped so. Perhaps you can come again, 
but right now, I think that’s enough of a tour for today. You can stay if you’d like, but you 
all would probably like to return to your usual universe. I dunno, this one isn’t all that 
interesting.” “It’s terrific!” said Tenchi. “I’m glad you think so. But... I think Tenchi’s 
father and grandfather juuust might be lonely back there.” “You stay in our universe for 
very extended periods of time.” “That’s because nobody misses me back here.” “Why 
not?” “Like I said, it’s a democracy. The planet practically runs itself.” “But what about 
your family?” There was a very long pause. “Uh, that’s rather a difficult subject for me.... 
What can I say? My brothers control two neighboring worlds, Boltro and Plactocbloc, and 
my parents live in a gigantic space station. All four of them are very hostile towards my 
planet. I don’t know why. I suppose it’s my republic-forming nature, but they just don’t 
consider me their son or brother anymore, but rather the enemy. When we get angry at each 
other, we don’t have quarrels. We have wars...” “My god...” said Aeka. “It’s a tough life. 
Everyone seems to hate poor little New Vegeta. I guess that’s what made me become a 
pirate. My life just wasn’t exciting enough, continually being downtrodden on... it’s just 
tough. Not that you guys don’t have your problems too...” “I never knew it was so bad...” 
said Ryoko. “Well, it’s not like we’re never nice to each other when we’re allies... but the 
wars we fight are long and bloody. Boltro seems hell-bent on conquest, and they don’t 
really care how many innocent people, never mind soldiers, die in the process. And 
Plactocbloc... well, they’re just fickle and unpredictable. But what am I boring you guys 
with the details for? Your trip here was supposed to be fun, but I guess I ruined it...” “Not 
at all!” “You really enjoyed it?” “Of course we did!” said Washu. “Thanks. You’d better 
get back to your own universe now. So, if we can get back to the portal...” “Not 
necessary.” Washu brought out a pocket device. “This can teleport us to and from our 
universe and yours. It brings us out from the portal. Just stand back a few metres, and we’ll 
be on our way.” They clustered together, and waved at me, and I waved back as they 
teleported into their own universe. “Ship, you okay? You’ve been so quiet.” “I DON’T 
KNOW. I GUESS IT’S KIND OF WEIRD.” “What?” “YOU... GIVING TOURS... I 
NEVER KNEW YOU WERE THAT OPEN TO STRANGERS. I WAS JUST... 
THINKING.” “When you think, what do you think about?” “THAT’S LIKE ASKING 
YOU THE SAME QUESTION. I CAN’T QUITE PUT A FINGER ON IT. VARIED 
THOUGHTS. YOU KNOW.... I GUESS MACHINES AREN’T CUT OUT FOR 
PHILOSOPHY.” “Ship, don’t think of yourself as a machine. You’re a person. Definitely 
not a human, but a definite person.” “I KNOW THAT... BUT I’M MADE OF METAL 
AND ROCKS. I WISH I WAS HUMAN... THEN AT LEAST PEOPLE WOULDN’T 
WONDER ABOUT IT. I DON’T THINK HUMANS CAN REALLY THINK OF 
MACHINES LIKE ME AS A PERSON.” “I do.” “YOU... YOU’RE DIFFERENT. 
BUT UNLESS SOMETHING IS ORGANIC, MOST PEOPLE CAN’T REALLY 
CONSIDER IT A PERSON. IF ONLY I COULD FIT IN AND BE A HUMAN LIKE 
THE REST... IT IS SO STRANGE HAVING A MIND BUT NO BODY.” “You have a 
body.” “BUT PEOPLE WALK AROUND IN IT. I’D JUST LIKE... FOR ONE DAY... 
TO BE A HUMAN AND HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH NORMAL PEOPLE! AND 
TO HAVE SOCIAL EVENTS AND BE AS SMALL AND AS WEAK AS THE REST... 
THAT WAY THEY WOULD ACCEPT ME AS THEIR OWN AND I COULD BE A 
HUMAN... NOT A SPACESHIP... NOT A MACHINE...” “You’re not a machine!” “I 
AM A MACHINE! MY BEING SENTIENT CAN NEVER CHANGE THAT! I WANT 
TO BE A NORMAL PERSON!” “Ship... I understand...” “NO YOU DON’T! YOU 
DON’T UNDERSTAND! YOU HAVE FRIENDS AND ENEMIES ALIKE... YOU 
RELATE TO PEOPLE... I ONLY HAVE THESE SEMI-SENTIENT ROBOTS TO 
TALK TO... AND I CAN NEVER DISCUSS ANYTHING SERIOUS WITH THEM 
BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS ONLY TALK ABOUT THEIR ASSIGNMENTS OR 
PARTYING!” “I’m sorry... I guess I really don’t...” “IT’S OKAY. YOU ARE STILL 
MY FRIEND.” “You’re my friend too, Ship. You’ll always be my friend. We form a 
symbiote alliance and not only that, we like each other.” “RIGHT, WEAKLING...” 
“Okay... scrap metal...” We both laughed out loud. “Ship, don’t worry about the guests. 
They won’t be coming here again if you don’t want them to.” “I DON’T KNOW... 
THEY WEREN’T THAT BAD. IT WAS JUST SURPRISING TO SEE HUMANS 
OTHER THAN YOURSELF.” “Okay... I have some business to attend to. Just see to it 
that the required work quota gets fullfilled, please.” “NO PROBLEM... GET BACK TO 
WORK, YOU SLACKERS! I SEE THAT, B-3838410! STOP CHATTING AND WORK 
ON FULFILLING YOUR QUOTAS, OR WE WON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR 
NEXT WEEK’S PARTY!” “Thanks.” I teleported to my RV and went through the portal. 
I cloaked myself and followed everyone around until their final confrontation with Dr. Clay. 
I kept hidden. I sharpened a javelin while Washu and Clay went on and on. “That statue 
over there is the control...” I perked up. Oh, shit! He’s gonna escape! I popped up and 
threw the javelin. It whooshed through the air, and Clay turned to look at it. “What the- 
AAAAAH!” It went right through his head and out the other side, hitting the glass tube that 
Ryoko was in and cracking the glass. Washu, Zero, and Ryoko turned to look at where it 
had come from. I know that aim anywhere... thought Ryoko. Almost got me with that aim 
one time...  I uncloaked and walked over to Dr. Clay. I stood over his corpse for a while. I 
kicked it. “Wipe yourself off, man... you dead.” I dropped a paper towel roll on him. I 
turned around oblivious to my surroundings and started disco dancing. “Oh, yeah... I’m 
good... he’s dead... he sucks... I rock...” “Nice throw. But we have a bit of a problem.” 
“What?” “The self-destruct mechanism on the other half of the ship. It’s about to go 
off.” “Oh... I’ll go take care of it.” I teleported into a large chamber by accident. “Oh, 
god... not you, Tokimi...” “God... quite an ironic choice of words...who are you?” asked 
the gigantic figure. “I am your worst nightmare.” “I’m a goddess.” “So are Washu and 
Tsunami...” “I know that! I’m omniscient!” “No, you’re not... you happen to be capable 
of three dimensions control.” “Yeah! Isn’t that enough? I can kill you easily... like a bug!” 
“No... you can’t. You see, I’m more powerful than you can ever imagine.” “Eau contraire, 
I am more powerful than you can imagine.” “Naw.” I took an opportunity and 
incapacitated Tokimi to the brink of death. “I’m... a goddess... goddesses... can’t... die!” 
She coughed and spit blood. “What’s... this...” “Blood. You’re dying.” “No! It can’t 
be!” “It can. See what I mean?” “You... truly are powerful... but I can do... worse!” She 
blasted me with her last and mightiest energy explosion. It would have destroyed the 
universe had I not put up a shield to protect me. “You’re good. I can see that.” “You... 
stopped it?” “Yep.” “It... didn’t even scorch you...” “Uh-huh.” “But... it would have 
destroyed the universe...” “It nearly did.” “How... can you be... so powerful?” “I don’t 
know. I’m an author.” “What...?” “Just rest. You won’t die if you give it up.” “Give... 
what up?” “Hurting people.” “Hurting... oh, that...you are truly powerful indeed... why do 
you concern yourself with such trifling pitiful objects... you could rule... not only the 
universe, but the very fabrics of space-time itself! Why... do you insist... on being... nice?” 
“Because unlike you, I use my power responsibly.” “So... you truly do have honor...” 
“Is that why you hurt people? Because you think the whole world’s gone down the drain?” 
“Yes... if your metaphor means that I think honor and justice have disappeared...” “So, 
you think... based on your own assumptions, that you have the authority to exempt your 
own power upon these people just because you want the world to be different?” 
“Essentially... yes...” “I see what’s happened. Your own fear of entropy has caused you to 
become restless and derived of empathy for those you consider heathen, and your own life 
reflects your childhood, your own fear of change makes you weak and angry, and hence 
your agression transferrance unto the people of the universe.” “Yes... yes... I never 
realized... this... before... how could I have been... so blind?” I healed her. “Even 
goddesses have to be flexible to change. Be cautious in your own decisions. You never 
know what’s going to happen next. So be spontaneous once in a while.” “Thank you... 
you have truly shined a light in my life. You are a human psychologist, I assume?” “Nope. 
Just a guy.” “How strange... you do this kind of thing all the time?” “Yeah.” “And then 
you don’t even care once you’ve done it, as if doing all these heroic and incredible feats 
were just a part of life?” “Yep.” “Good, then... go find your friends. I thank you for 
sparing my life... I can’t believe I just said that... and I have reformed my character. I assure 
you I will not harm anyone anymore.” I walked out of the room. I teleported to the others, 
now on the bridge. “Wassup?” “Alex?! What the- where have you been?” “Settling the 
conflict.” “What?” “Lady Tokimi is... reformed.” Aeka asked, “What do you mean, 
reformed?” “I gave her some counseling. It turns out that she’s a good person... just a bit 
misguided. I put her back on the right track.” “How could that be?” “It’s a long story. 
See for yourself if you’d like. So, what happened?” “I fused Zero and Ryoko and Tenchi 
staved off the black hole with the Light Hawk Wings.” said Washu.“Oh, right. I see.” I 
teleported the entire cast back to the Masaki residence. They found it strange. “I did it!” I 
shouted. “Good show!” They all clapped a few times, rather half-heartedly. “Okay. Life 
can resume as normal.” I sat aside near a tree. Tenchi walked over. “Why are you not 
coming with us?” “Hmn.” “What do you mean?” I sighed. “I’m sort of tired.” “Tired? 
>From what?” “From everything. Life is so boring around here. Around everywhere.” 
“Boring?” “Oh, it’s not for you, because you have all those women swarming around you 
constantly...” “That’s a real hassle! Honestly, you have all these intense powers, you’re 
practically a god, and you don’t have to do anything! You can accomplish anything you 
want with a flick of your wrist!” “Yeah... but you can’t will someone to pay attention to 
you... nor can you will someone to love you...” “Course you can!” “But it’s only a 
shallow kind of love... you know that they wouldn’t really do this in reality... therefore you 
know it’s not them that loves you.” “I really don’t see why you aren’t coming with us.” 
“I’m going to practice my weaponry skills. That always relieves tension for me 
somewhat.” “Okay... we’ll be inside...” “Right-o.” I teleported to the field. I took out a 
polonium tomahawk. I created a target a far distance away. I threw it. It hit a slight two 
inches from the centre. I teleported there, took out the tomahawk, and tried again. I 
continually upped the ante, until finally I was fighting several droids armed with automatics 
with only a long wooden staff. 
	Ryoko watched from behind a tree. “He’s good...” I turned around. I was shot in 
the head several dozen times. I said, “Zero zero one nine two two six.” The droids shut off. 
“I heard a noise...” Ryoko saw me respond. “He heard that? It was barely a whisper, and I 
was real far away!” I perked up my ears again. “Who’s out there?” I asked. I shrugged, 
and turned around again, and said, “Four Two Eight Five Five Four One.” The droids 
reactivated, and I resumed combat. I easily left them smoking on the ground in a minute. “I 
violated the basic rule of CQB... but I guess it’s not so bad.” I rose into the sky. I took out 
a pair of binoculars. Ryoko ducked in behind the tree. I flipped a switch on the binoculars, 
and my vision turned red as I scanned for heat emissions. I got a reading and teleported 
there, with a Beretta 9mm in my hand. “Who’s there?” “It’s me! Don’t shoot!” “Oh, it’s 
you, Ryoko. Sorry if I frightened you.” “I just wanted to say... thank you for busting Dr. 
Clay’s butt back there. Not that I couldn’t have, but...” “Whatever. You don’t need to hide. 
If someone hides from me, I assume they consider me an enemy. And they usually do.” 
“Sorry.” “No problem. But you came all the way here to say that?” “Yeah. So?” “It’s 
not like you.” “Yeah, well, I’ve been surprising myself ever since I fused with Zero...” “I 
see. Perhaps you’re becoming a bit more emphatic.” “I wouldn’t go that far...” “Right.” 
“You’re pretty good with a stick.” “I’ve had a lot of practice, back in my old universe. I 
had a lot of people who wanted me dead back there.” “I know. You told us.” “Well, 
uh...” “You want to try against me?” “You’re any good with these weapons?” “No. But I 
am good in hand-to-hand combat.” “No energy blasts or anything other than hands and 
feet, okay?” “I don’t know... it’ll be hard not to use them... can I fly or teleport or things 
like that?” “For defensive purposes only.” “Okay.” We walked into the field. “You 
ready?” “As ready as you are.” I rolled up my sleeves to my elbows. “Have at you, 
scalawag!” I shouted. I punched. Each of my blows was successfully blocked, due to the 
fact that I was fighting at her level of strength, to be fair. She returned with several well-
placed chops that were deflected also. She attempted to kick me in the elbow, but I 
teleported behind her and she missed. I jumped above her and descended with my legs 
pointing at her head. She looked up and teleported out of there. I elbowed behind me. She 
blocked it. I turned around with a roundhouse kick and she grabbed my foot and twisted me 
around. “You’re good.” “You don’t talk much during a fight, do you?” “No... not 
really.” I flipped backwards and she still held on to my leg and she bent her arm back too 
far. “Ow!” she said. I immediately stopped fighing. “Are you all right?” “My arm... I 
think I pulled a muscle.” “Ouch. Can you move it?” “Yeah... but it’s painful.” “Sorry. I 
guess I should have teleported.” “It’s my fault. I should have let go.” “Still, you were a 
good fighter. I admire that.” “Just get me some ice, will you?” “Okay...” “And... do me a 
favor...” “What?” “Just tell everyone else I sprained it while I was, uh... fishing.” 
“Fishing?” “It’s better than nothing.” “Okay.” I teleported to the Wedell Sea and 
collected a big chunk of ice. I teleported back with a huge iceberg over my head. “Is this 
good?” She chuckled. “You dimwit.” I set it down. “Well, soon as the sun comes up, the 
plants won’t need watering for a few months.” I scooped off a handful of ice and placed it 
in my camouflage book sock. I gave it to her. “Use this... it’s the only thing I have.” 
“Thanks.” “Sorry... I might have been a little rough.” “No, I already said it was my 
fault... I should have let go.” “Well, we’ll just leave it be.” “Tell me something... why did 
you automatically react to the fact that I was hurt?” “I heard you say ‘ow’.” “No, I mean 
why did you bother helping me?” “Why shouldn’t I have?” “You’re a kind person. 
Kinder than most.” “Anyone would have done the same.” “You’d be surprised.” “Well, 
I know you would have done the same for me.” “I suppose... although I can’t really see 
myself in your position right now.” “It doesn’t mean anything. People help each other. 
That’s just the way it is.” “Thank you, anyway.” “You’re welcome. They’re probably 
expecting you back there. It should be about dinner time.” “Are you coming too?” 
“Yeah.” “See you.” She teleported out of view. I walked over to the house, while reciting 
the periodic table of the elements to myself with a tune. I arrived at the house when I 
reached the end of the lanthanide series. I continued my song for the remaining thirty 
elements and knocked on the door. I immediately stuck to the top of the roof. Tenchi 
opened the door. “Yes, who is it?” I dropped down silently and ran in behind him. 
“Hmm... must’ve been a tree or something...” He turned around to find my face. “Aaah!” 
“Hello.” “Next time don’t come in like a fugitive, okay?” “What?” “You don’t have to 
sneak in!” “Oh, right... sorry, I guess that’s just my nature.” “Well, please try not to scare 
people like that.” “Wassat I smell?” “Supper. Would you like to join us?” “Like a 
member of the household?” “You sorta are. Haven’t you noticed, the way you tend to stick 
around?” “Oh, thanks.” I joined the dinner place. I looked at the food. I opened my mouth 
just a smidgen and the food turned into a solid stream of nutrition that coiled itself into the 
tiny corner of my mouth and was sucked down like a vacuum cleaner. “My compliments to 
the chef. That was exquisite.” “Thank you.” said Sasami. “Very welcome.” I formed a 
straw out of nowhere and sipped my drink. The liquid level in everyone else’s went down to 
empty. “How’d he do that?” “Put it back!” said Ryoko. “It’s an illusion. Your drinks are 
still there.” They all tested and sure enough they still had some left. “Oh, bravo.” Aeka 
interjected. “Optical illusions at the table are just plain rude.” “Sorry. I thought it would be 
funny.” “Please refrain from doing that again.” “Right-o.” I looked at the ceiling. I saw a 
spy device. I waved. “What do you think you’re doing?” said Ryoko. “Spy device. I’m 
waving at it.” “A spy device?” said Washu. “Yeah. Microcam. It’s in a grain of wood.” 
“How did you spot it?” “They have those things all the time on...” I froze. “New... Veg... 
eta... Holy excrement!” “You say they use those on your home planet?” “Y-yes... 
Someone there knows I’m here.” “Uh-oh.” “I hope it’s one of my government 
lackeys...” “Whoever it is probably hasn’t gone far.” said Mihoshi. “I’m going to be 
honest with you. There are a hundred billion systems which would gladly invade this 
universe and take it over. I know for a fact that most of them have RandomSpace 
capabilities, which means... even I’d have a hard time fighting them off.” “That is bad.” 
said Ryoko. “Most certainly. Either I’d have to destroy the portal or seal it off if I hope to 
prevent this universe’s destruction.” “But... that’d mean... that you’d have to either stay 
here or stay there... forever, right?” said Mihoshi. “Yes. I’ll have to make that choice.” “I 
know something about that camera... I just can’t quite remember...” said Washu. “How it 
got there?” “I don’t know...” “Damn! The fate of this universe, and mine, is at stake 
here!” “I’m sorry... I just... oh, wait, I put that there this morning.” All the others fell 
down. I, meanwhile... “I am not going to get angry, but... that was quite a suspenseful 
rollercoaster of fear you just put us through. Just, please try to remember not to create 
anything that resembles New Vegetan technology without telling me, so I don’t get 
frightened, all r-” The others popped up. Immediately Aeka and Ryoko turned to Washu. 
To tell you exactly what they said would be somewhat needlessly offensive, but most of it 
would be rendered in the symbols one gets when you hold shift and type the top numbers. 
Here is a sample.
“HOW DARE YOU, YOU *#^&$ *#$*^^#*^&@^!@#%!#^(* @^$)#&$*#&( @!^ 
#!^ *($&()#*)&) &$&@!#&* !^$^#!^%$^%!&%#^@&!!!!!!”
“WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING, YOU &^#&^*^$*^!!*^ *#!&$% 
!@#%%^^&%!@$%!@%%@&$%!&%#!%#$!^$^&!%#&!@%#&%!&$%&^!@#%
&!@#!&%#&%!$%&!@%#&!%&!!!!!!”
I think it is needless to say that they were quite unhappy with Washu. “That’s quite an 
extensive vocabulary.” I said. They turned to me. “AND YOU, HOW COULD YOU 
MISTAKE THAT FOR ONE OF YOUR PLANET’S $#!&&y DEVICES, YOU *#&$# 
*$^#&*$^&*@#$^@#^$*@#$#@*$^@*$^$^*@^*$#^$*@^*!^#*!^#!^$*#^$%!
%$&#%^&!^%$!!!!!!!!” I turned to their fiercely angry faces. “Calm down. That was a 
simple mistake-” “One that almost sent me into hysterics!” said Aeka. Ryoko glanced at 
her. “Yeah, it was pretty funny watching you freak out...” Aeka fixed her angry gaze upon 
Ryoko. “I don’t seem to recall you being very composed, either.” “I was frightened too. 
We all were. We can’t go looking for a scapegoat. I’m sure we’ve all-” I said. “You 
calling me a chicken?”said Ryoko, paying no attention to my words. “Yes, I am!” replied 
Aeka, who had not been listening either. “That’s it!” I yawned. “Perhaps, instead of spy 
devices, you should work on a more sturdy muzzle that can fit over human mouths, 
Washu.” They turned to me. “What was that implying?!” “Figure it out yourselves. I’m 
going into the troposphere.” I disappeared from view. “The troposphere?” said Ryoko. 
“The atmospheric layer betw-” said Washu. “I KNOW WHAT IT IS! I just find it 
strange he’d be going there.” “Perhaps it’s the only way he wouldn’t hear your boisterous 
voice, Miss Ryoko.” “What do you mean?!” “I mean that-” The fight started again. 
	I looked on from the high, thin layer of air. I took out an incredibly loud megaphone 
and yelled in North America’s general direction, “WHASSUUUUUUUUP?!” Of course, 
nobody got it. I returned to the ground, and hid myself in the shadows. There was of course 
the same old fighting going on, and a laser shot out a window. I teleported back inside, 
where Tenchi, Noboyuki, Yosho, and Mihoshi were cowering in fear, and Washu and 
Sasami were trying to resolve the argument, but failing. I put on a gas mask and said, 
“Everyone, evacuate the room. I have an idea.” Everyone but Aeka and Ryoko walked out, 
who were absorbed in their fighting. “Good. Just as I expected.” “What is your idea?” 
asked Washu. “It’s not going to be pleasant, but it’ll shut them up for a few hours.” 
“What?” “It’s best you not know what’s in this canister.” I pulled off the top of the 
canister right next to the door, opened it a crack, and threw the canister of LSD into the 
room. It exploded, with a small piff, and released it all over the room just as I shut the door. 
“Wait until it disperses. They should have gotten a good dose of it.” “What is it?” “I’ll 
just say it’s a powerful tool for making people act like morons.” “It was LSD, wasn’t 
it...?” “Yup.” Mihoshi looked at me. “How did you get your hands on a canister of that? 
That’s prohibited by law!” “I have my sources. I always thought it would come in handy 
some day, and it did.” “Well, I didn’t see that, and you didn’t do it, right?” “Do what?” 
Mihoshi looked dumbfounded. “Throw the canister, silly.” “Argh! The response was a 
metaphor for... never mind. I agree.” “Good.” “I think it’s best if I deal with them. It 
should have dispersed by now.” I opened the door. I walked in. I shut the door behind me. 
Aeka and Ryoko were sitting on opposite sides of the room, staring at each other with a 
dumb/angry look. “Everything seems to be in order.” Ryoko looked at me. She lifted a 
weak arm toward Aeka. “‘S her fault...” Aeka barely managed to reply. “‘S your own 
fault...” They both collapsed. “I thought so. Barely able to think clearly. Worked like a 
charm.” Ryoko stood up, with a wobbly stance, and slumped over to me. “What is it?” 
She took me by the shoulders and kissed me. It was several seconds before I managed to 
pull away. “I didn’t expect this... the dosage must have been a little high.” “I’ve never 
felt... better in my life...” “It’s the drug. It should wear off.” Ryoko collapsed on the floor, 
laughing. “Oh, dear... perhaps this dosage was a bit high.” Aeka began laughing 
uncontrollably too. I teleported out of the room. “What’s the situation?” asked Mihoshi. 
“Well, they’re both official lunatics now, and they will be for a few more hours than I 
originally expected. The guy told me there was only a few kilograms in that canister...” 
“What happened?” “Well... first they were both barely able to speak clearly, and then they 
just burst out laughing... LSD is a powerful drug. It should not be messed with except in 
the most extreme circumstances. And I considered the fact that you all could have very 
easily lost your lives. After that, they both collapsed in laughter. I do suppose the dosage 
must have been very high.” “Well, at least they’re not fighting.” “I would advise everyone 
to stay away from them until they have their senses back.” “How long would that be?” 
“Approximately seven hours.” I teleported into the room and put up a transparisteel shield 
above both of them. “Sorry... this is for your own good.” I said. 
	Seven hours later they were back in their right minds. I dispersed the shields and let 
both of them out. Aeka was in a fury about the canister. She spoke in an infuriated tone 
barely above a whisper, to avoid waking everyone up. “How dare you think that we aren’t 
capable of settling our differences in a way that isn’t dangerous?” “It certainly seemed that 
way.” Ryoko, meanwhile, was nowhere to be found. “But that’s no way to treat a lady!” 
“It certainly isn’t, unless you’re defending the lives of others.” “They were in no 
danger!” My voice got sharper and more angry.“You two were sending blasts of energy at 
each other. One went out the window. If your aim was that off, it could’ve hit one of them. I 
decided it would be the right thing to do to evacuate the room and incapacitate the 
combatants.” “But don’t you have an average stun grenade?! One that wouldn’t render its 
victims senseless?!” “Yes... but the victim keeps his or her will to fight as well.” “Still, 
how embarassing...” “Sorry. But desperate times call for desperate measures.” “That’s 
no excuse.” She walked off. I teleported outside and put on IR goggles. There was a heat 
signature approximately five clicks away, and ten meters above the ground. “That’s her.” I 
teleported there, and Ryoko took one look at me and sharply turned her head away. “I’m 
sorry.” She turned angrily to me. “Sorry? You think that’s an excuse?” “No, I don’t. I 
accept full responsibility for my actions.” “Well... there’s not much I can say to that... but 
think, you idiot!” “You both were putting others’ lives in danger. I think that you much 
would have preferred this to one, or all, of them getting hurt or killed.” “Well... that still 
was not a good decision.” “I had to think fast. I couldn’t risk someone’s death.” “Since 
when are you a savior? You’re a pirate back home, aren’t you?” “I don’t kill or let others 
be killed needlessly.” “Good philosophy... but how are you a pirate, then?” “I never said 
anything about theft.” “So you steal but don’t murder?” “Yes. I didn’t tell anyone about 
what happened. Don’t worry.” “Aeka knows... but she promised me that she wouldn’t tell 
anyone. Imagine that... I guess she has her sense of integrity even when it comes to me.” 
“That certainly would be embarrassing.” “I can’t believe I did it myself.” “You have to 
understand that although Aeka may not like you, she does care for you as a member of the 
household and would do anything to protect you as she would for anyone else living here. 
As would you.” “Would not!” “You can deny it all you want, but the truth remains.” 
“Oh, whoop-dee-doo, maybe you are right.” “Did you... mean it, when you did it?” “I 
don’t really know... why, are you interested?” she said, with a slight twitch of her lips that 
might have been the start of a mischievous grin. “Not at all, I just...” I looked downward. 
“You didn’t seem very upset when I kissed you...” “Well, I don’t usually get upset at 
anything, just surprised.” “I could tell... you were all flustered afterward...” “Well, why 
are you pursuing it, then? Are you interested?” Her face turned entirely red. She touched 
the ends of her index fingertips together and arched them. “No... it’s just...” “You, 
embarrassed? Now I’ve seen everything.” “Hey... shuddup...” “If you want to discuss 
this seriously, it’s completely confidential out here in the middle of this forest.” 
	“This is very interesting...” said Washu. She watched from a big screen in the 
middle of her laboratory. Nobody else was in the lab. She ate popcorn. “This is certainly 
more interesting than an average soap opera.” 
	“Just leave me alone! I need to think!” “Whatever you say.” I teleported out of 
there. Ryoko began to think long and hard about her love for Tenchi and this newfound 
affection. Everyone else was asleep except for me, Ryoko, and Washu. I teleported into the 
house and found myself unable to sleep. It was around 1:30 in the morning. I pretended to 
be asleep, but kept my eyes open a crack because it just didn’t seem comfortable to go to 
sleep. Two hours later, Ryoko teleported inside and looked at me, thinking I was asleep. Her 
eyes began to water and she laid down on the other couch, weeping in confusion. I got up 
and sat down next to her. She dried her eyes on her sleeve and put her head on my 
shoulder. “Alex... I just don’t know what to do anymore. If only you hadn’t been in a 
certain place at a certain time and gotten sucked into a certain rift, this whole mess wouldn’t 
have happened.” “Well, it was a complete accident, and we’re all stuck. But do you really 
think you’re worse off than you would have been?” “I... guess not. Now I think I see how 
Tenchi feels.” “I guess so.” “Why did you have to stay here in the first place?” “I like it 
here.” “You’re a real bastard.” She grinned. “But more importantly, I knew your mother 
was the only person capable of creating a RandomSpace device, and that was the only way I 
could get back home.” “Oh, that’s right. I wouldn’t like to be marooned somewhere that 
wasn’t my home either.” “Not only that, but my planet was under attack, remember? I had 
to do something. And I’m sure you don’t think it’d be better if I hadn’t showed up.” “You 
just complicated the hell out of everything, didn’t you?” “Yeah.” I sat there for a few 
minutes. I felt a sudden cool sensation on my shoulder. “Ryoko?” She had fallen asleep, 
and was drooling. “Well, at least she’s not snoring.” I spoke too soon. She began to snore 
at a volume that could only be compared with a jackhammer. I put a plug in each of my ears 
and fell asleep soon as well. 
	“Aw... isn’t that cute? Hahahaha!” said Washu. “I get a kick out of this!” “I... 
(sniff)... think it’s the sweetest thing I ever saw...” Washu turned around. Mihoshi was 
sitting there, with a box full of kleenex, and her eyes were watering. “How’d you get in 
here?!” “Well, I... I don’t remember!” “More importantly, why did you get in here?” “I 
think I just woke up suddenly, and I heard a noise, and I came down to investigate, and it 
was coming from your lab, and...” “Never mind.” “It’s strange, isn’t it?” “Yeah.” 
	I woke up when Ryoko was still asleep. Nobody was there. Ryoko woke up sleepily 
a few minutes later. “What time is it?” “Probably time for everyone else to have woken 
up.” “Oh.” “Did you sleep well?” “I suppose. And you?” “Very well. We’d better get 
up or someone might see us.” “And what may I ask is wrong with that?” “I’m not so 
much worried about me as you.” “I’ve thought it over. I can’t really decide right away who 
I love the most. I mean, I’ve known Tenchi for a whole long while, but on the other hand, I 
don’t have much of a chance of him devoting his entire love to me. And both of you are 
equally wonderful. I wish I could love both of you, but I think it’s best I talk about these 
things to neither of you until I can decide.” “I respect that.” “You’re so good to me...” 
“You’re magnificent...” She blushed slightly. “Stop, I might think you mean it...” “I do. I 
can’t stand the thought of you unhappy, but if it’s what you truly want...” “I do want it. 
Stop flattering me and act like we’re just friends until I can decide.” “Whatever you 
want...” “And stop taking orders from me, okay?” “That’s a paradox. To stop taking 
orders from you would essentially be following another of your orders, and to do that 
would be contradicting your orders, therefore not obeying your orders, therefore complying 
with your question, and therefore taking orders, therefore contradicting your order, therefore 
not taking orders, therefore following orders, therefore contradicting your order, therefore 
complying with your question, therefore...” “Whatever! Take this last order: Don’t take 
any more orders!” “Once again, you’ve-” “After this one!” “Okay.” I walked away. She 
stretched out on the couch and got up. I teleported up the stairs and investigated as to why 
no one was up. I cloaked myself and took a peek through each wall. In the last one was 
everyone gathered together listening to Aeka. 
	“I’m only telling you what I saw.” “Still, Ryoko and Alex?! It’s mind-boggling!” 
said Mihoshi. Washu knocked her on the head. “Don’t you remember anything? You saw 
them together last night! On the lab screen!” “I’m happy for her.” said Sasami. “Hey, 
Tenchi, you just might have a little competition!” said Noboyuki. “This is very strange, 
though, you must admit.” said Aeka. “Are we sure this is the same Ryoko we’re talking 
about?” said Tenchi. “Feeling... jealous, Tenchi?” said Washu. “What do you mean? We 
don’t even know if this means anything!” “True, but would Ryoko fall asleep on the 
shoulder of someone who’s ‘just a friend’?” “Who knows?” “Whassuuuuup?” I said. 
And I uncloaked myself. “Alex?!” gasped Tenchi. They all were a bit offset. “Did... you... 
hear us just now?” “Yup. I would say no, but I find it hard to lie.” “Oh. You’re not... 
angry that we’re talking about you behind your back, are you?” “Not at all. Go on. What 
were you saying?” “Uh... about you and Ryoko?” “Yes. I want in on this too!” “What 
are you talking about? We’re talking about you!” “Oh, right.” “And it would be best if 
you didn’t hear us.” “How would you know I wouldn’t? I may leave and come back here 
invisible, for all you know.” Washu spoke up. “Not quite, you see, I have an IR scanner 
too.” “Oh, really? And how does an IR scanner detect this?” I disappeared. “I see you 
perfectly.” “Now you see me...” I lowered my body temperature to room temperature. 
“Now you don’t...” “How did you do that?” “I lowered my body temperature to room 
temperature.” “So... you can do that.” Mihoshi looked frightened. “This is scary, you 
guys... he could be anywhere and we wouldn’t know it!” “Quite. But I’m not really a bad 
guy. I wouldn’t go spying on people unless I had a good reason.” “Well, if your 
presidency fails, you definitely have a career waiting in espionage.” “I worked for that 
business once. I did quite well. My planet has a tactical espionage division.” “Your planet 
isn’t a very respectable one, is it?” asked Aeka. “No, not quite. But it’s more respectable 
than some, less than others. It’s all relative. Relative to, say, Jurai, it isn’t. Relative to, say, 
Evildrome, it is.” “Evildrome?” “A cutthroat and pirate hangout. It’s definitely not a good 
place to bring the kids.” “I see... and you’ve been there?” “Of course I have. In fact, 
that’s where I got this keychain.” I took out a relatively harmless-looking keychain with the 
words “Evildrome Cantina” on it. “Looks like a keychain, doesn’t it?” “Yes...” “Well, 
would you believe me if I told you it was a deadly weapon?” “No, I don’t think I would.” 
“See for yourself. Stand back.” I pressed the logo and an energy blade two feet long 
popped out the end. They all gasped except for Yosho. I pushed it twice again and it receded 
“I got it off a guy in the cantina for twenty rikels.” “Very nice... but do you really think a 
keychain weapon is necessary simply to extrapolate the manners of relative respect among 
system governments?” “No. I just brought it out because I think it’s cool.” Mihoshi said, 
“So anyway, what exactly is going on with you and Ryoko? Are you guys... y’know...” 
“She doesn’t know.” “What do you mean, doesn’t know?! How could she not know?” 
“I really think that’s personal. She said she’d have to think a while.” “About what?” “I 
have no idea. But I’m going to respect her wish.” I heard a noise. “That might be her 
now.” I teleported out of the room. They were all silent for a few moments. “This is all 
very unexpected.” said Aeka. “Well, let’s not get hung up on it.” said Sasami. “She’s 
right. We have things we can do today other than sit around and gossip.” said Yosho. “I’ll 
go make breakfast.” said Sasami. “Thanks.” they all said. 
	I investigated the source of the noise. I saw a figure in a black cloak with red 
goggles on. It was a different look, but it was unmistakably Anreil. “Oh my god.” I said to 
myself. He picked it up using his ultrasonic sonar and slooowly turned around. I yelled, 
“HELP! YOU GUYS!” They all came to see what was the matter. Anreil pointed his gun at 
my face. “Oh my god!” said Mihoshi. “So... Anreil... you followed me here...” “It was 
easy. I planted tracking nanomachines in your blood the last time we fought.” “What do 
you mean?” “I mean to say that you-” “You couldn’t have followed me into a different 
story! That’s the whole reason I removed this section from the original book!” “Wasn’t 
the main reason that the audience wouldn’t understand Tenchi Muyo?” “Well, forget it. 
The point is, you’re here.” “Yes.” “And you have a gun pointed at my head.” “Yes.” 
“And I don’t even have a reward on my head, yet you’re going to kill me.” “No and yes. 
No, you do in fact have a reward on your head in Gamma Draconis. But it is for your live 
capture, and I, frankly, am not after the reward.” I looked at the others. Ryoko wasn’t with 
them. Washu stepped forward. “Pleased to meet you. I’m Washu, and I don’t think that 
gun will kill him. Nor will anything you can cook up. So you might as well back off, or 
we’ll toast your a**!” Aeka said, “Miss Washu, please, language.” “What did you call 
me?” “Forgive me. Little Washu, please watch your tongue.” “That’s better.” I took out 
my keychain. “I’ve had it up to here with your continued vendetta against me! Now you 
back off NOW, or I’ll... I’ll...” “What, are you going to kill me with a keychain? You’d be 
better off with your bare hands! Now, you will die!” “No, Anreil, you will die.” He 
laughed out loud, and as he laughed, the logo caught his eye. “That’s a....” “Right.” I 
pushed the logo. The others covered their eyes and the energy blade sprung out and 
burrowed itself into his chest. His eyes went wide and he spat blood. I shut off the energy 
blade. He looked up at me, wheezing and heaving, and he coughed up blood once in a while. 
“I’m sorry, Anreil.” “You cannot save me... I am already pretty much dead.” “I could 
save you.” “I don’t want you to... now I understand... I’m not a tool of the government... 
my life is complete, I’ve found love and lost it...” “What are you talking about?” “I had a 
wife... her name was Penelope... she was the most beautiful woman who ever lived...” “I 
never knew you had a wife...” “She and I had a daughter together. We lived in a small 
house on a hillside... we owned the entire hill, and every day... Penelope, Claudia and I 
would have a picnic on the flowery hillside...” “What happened?” “Penelope fell ill one 
day... we had to have her medicine shipped in from Yemuro every week, or her illness would 
progress to the final, incurable stage... for ten years I waited by her bedside while she 
wasted away before my eyes... then one day, Consolidated Express called... the shipment 
had been lost to a space pirate, by name of the Evergreen Cortex... I and Claudia had to 
watch for a whole month while my wife wasted away... and on the last day she died. Two 
months later, Claudia should have come home from school... she was half an hour late... she 
was never late usually... and then I was told that an escape pod containing someone who’d 
been robbed by a space pirate, again by name of the Evergreen Cortex crashed into her 
classroom, and several children were killed. Claudia was one of them...” “I had no idea...” 
“I was grief-stricken. I vowed revenge upon you, sold my land for a ship, and joined the 
bounty hunter’s guild, in the hopes that I could meet you and kill you some day... the past 
years have only made it worse... and now, you’ve killed me as well. But now I realize... I 
didn’t want to kill you... I wanted you to kill me... so I could finally be at peace and join my 
family...” “I always thought of you as an annoying enemy... but now I realize you’re a 
noble person and now I know why you want to kill me... it’s a perfectly good reason.” “I... 
don’t want to kill you anymore...” He gasped and coughed blood. “It wouldn’t... satisfy 
me... I am satisfied with you killing me... because killing you won’t bring my family back... 
but I can now join them...” I held him while he died in my hands. “Anreil... sorry.” “After 
Penelope and Claudia died... I was like a ghost... I didn’t live... my only purpose in life was 
to kill you... and after I had, what then? For the rest of my life... all I thought about was 
killing you... like some sort of obsession... but now... I’m finally at peace...” He shuddered 
one last time, and his heart stopped. Anreil was dead. “He’s dead.” I said. “That was... so 
sad...” said Mihoshi. She blew her nose on her sleeve. “Poor man...” said Aeka. I 
obliterated his body with an energy blast from my hand. “Did you have to do that?” said 
Washu. “You wouldn’t want a dead body sitting around in the house, would you?” “But 
at least he deserves a proper burial...” said Aeka. “People like that consider this more 
honorable than a burial.” Two weeks passed without Ryoko showing her face. Finally, she 
appeared in front of me while I was on the roof. “Alex...” “Ryoko... how are you?” 
“Excellent. You know... I saw every minute of what you and Tenchi did this past week.” 
“How?” “Washu made me this cloaking device for... special purposes.” “And what did 
you see?” “I saw that I love you both just as much.” “Damn.” “I don’t want to hurt 
you...” “I know, but I don’t want to hurt you either by keeping you from the other person 
you love.” “If we both can’t hurt each other, we’ll have to discontinue our relationship. 
We’ll have to make a compromise that will hurt both of us.” “I know... but I really don’t 
care where you are when you’re not with me. It’s the precious moments we’re together that 
I truly cherish, and that’s all that matters to me.” “You are the nicest person I have ever 
found in the entire galaxy.” “Most everyone says that when they fall in love.” I got up 
from my original position which was lying down with my head propped up on my shoulder, 
and I felt a pain in the joint from lying down on it so long. “Aahhh... pain... ow...” “You 
okay?” “Yes.” She sat down on the roof next to me. “Why do you like me so much?” 
she asked. “Mainly it’s your personality... so spunky, full of life... and always willing to 
have a laugh or two, and also the fact that underneath that callous, pirate exterior, there’s a 
caring, sensitive young woman.” “What? You don’t think I look good?” “Of course I do, 
but when you remark on that first, it’s kind of shallow. You are the most beautiful woman I 
have ever laid eyes on. I used to be serious all the time, a real tough guy when it came to 
governments and politics, but you inspired me to not be serious all the time. You’ve made 
me want to be a better person.” She put her hand on mine. “When you talk to me like that, 
it makes me feel proud of myself for doing nothing at all... that kind of talk just makes me 
so happy I could never let go of you... say some more.” “You’re a kind, caring person and 
I like that. Although many people may see you as rude, I can see from what you’ve inspired 
me to see that enjoying life is more important than the impression you give others. That is 
the main reason I love you so much. I have never really cared about the impression of 
others, but now I’ve realised something I can work for: saying I actually enjoyed my life to 
the fullest. That is what I want to say when I am old and dying, in which case I will 
promptly invade the Pentagon and pull out a fake gun and hold it up just so that they’ll 
shoot me. Because that’s how I want to die. Enjoying myself and ridiculing uptight people 
at the same time. You’re the light in my life, Ryoko; I want to be with you forever.” Her 
eyes were slightly glazed over as she said, “Alex...” I still had my arm resting on my knee 
and one hand hanging loose while the other held hers and I looked downward. I faced her. 
“Yes?” “Go on...” “Of course, dying in your arms during a fierce battle would be just as 
good. One way I definitely do NOT want to die is unexpectedly. That way I wouldn’t have 
time to make a dying speech. No, no, I’d much rather die slowly and painfully, because 
dying speeches are much more honorable.” “Quit talking about dying. Talk about me.” 
“Your light blue hair... it’s... hey, something’s bothered me...” “What?” “What exactly 
do you use in that hair to keep it that way? Quick-dry cement?” Her eyes went back to 
normal and she lowered her eyebrows. “That’s none of your business. Keep going.” 
“It’s...” I felt it. “As soft as a... uh, I don’t really do similes that well, but it’s very nice.” 
She was visually a little annoyed now. “Sorry.  Uh, you’re beautiful all over, not just on the 
outside, but on the inside as well. Your personality makes the room glow in my eyes 
whenever you enter it.” She returned to her twinkling face upon me. “Your very being near 
me makes me feel as light as a feather. Your eyes are like no other. For one, they’re the 
color of liquid gold. Your face just shouts out loveliness to me. From the moment you look 
at me, I feel as if I’d trade away the world for just one more second of your loving gaze.” 
“You’re one of the sappiest talkers I’ve ever met... and I loved every second of it. I can’t 
talk that way... but here’s something of a collateral.” She grabbed me and kissed me 
passionately. It lasted for a while. She pulled away, flushed. “God, it feels good to have 
someone completely infatuated with you... don’t you think?” I was still dazed. She waved 
her hand in front of my face. I turned to face her. “You talk beautifully.” she said. “Why, 
thank you.” She put her mouth near my ear and whispered, “I think I just may have made 
up my mind... you sneaky bastard.” She licked my ear playfully and disappeared into the 
roof. She stuck her hand out, and curled her index finger indicating that I should follow. I 
did. I slipped on a patch of something that was left there and fell off the roof. A rope caught 
my leg and I hung upside-down for a few seconds before she teleported to my location, 
laughing her head off. “Har de har frickin’ har.” I said. “A little eager to follow, eh, lover 
boy?” “You did motion so.” She laughed again. “All right... I’ll let you down... if you 
talk some more sap to me.” “That’s easy... I ad-lib it all.” “You... mean to say that you 
didn’t read that stuff you said to me somewhere or something?” “Yes. All of it comes from 
the bottom of my heart, which is where I hold my memories of you.” I cut myself loose. 
“You’re speaking like honey, but you released yourself.” “Yes. I want you to be happy, 
you know that!” “Speak some more.” “You’re a golden goddess. I want to be near you 
day and night. I wish I never had to leave your side, Ryoko.” I kneeled in front of her, took 
her hand, and kissed it. She sat down on a stump. “Go on... you’re doing fine.” 
“Speaking of which, you are a fine person. Your attitude towards life makes me partly who 
I am. I owe some of my personality to you, and that’s the part I really like. Because it came 
from you. You are an angel, Ryoko, and knowing that you love me is nothing short of pure 
heaven.” “Oh, goodness... you’re making me embarrassed.” She turned away. “What’s 
wrong? Don’t be.” “Tell me about my looks.” “Light plays on your figure like sunbeams 
on the moon. Your cerulean hair complements your face a hundred fold, as do your 
beautiful aureate eyes. Your skin is a thousand times softer than silk and has the radiance of 
a million suns.” “That’s beautiful... you talk poetically. And you say you’re ad-libbing 
this?” “Yeah. Why?” “Such carefully chosen and beautiful language... you must have 
gotten it from somewhere.” “No... all of what I’ve said is my own creation out of my love 
for you, Ryoko.” “You really do love me.” “Of course I do! You light up my life! You are 
my one true joy! You inspire me! I at first thought I wanted to be you... but then I realized I 
wanted to be with you.” “Oh, Alex... I love you too... because you love me... and more than 
anybody’s ever loved me. In fact, you are one of only two persons I ever felt truly loved 
me.” “That’s awful. It seems like my life as of that. I can identify with you.” “Thank you 
for your love, Alex. It’s very refreshing and it makes me feel like I want to listen to you talk 
that way to me forever.” She teleported into my arms. I was silent. “What’s wrong?” she 
asked. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. I just... don’t have much to say.” “Then at least show 
me you’re alive.” I kissed her neck. “That’s more like it.” she said. “That feels fine...” 
“You smell nice.” “Thank you.” I stared into her eyes. “You’re so beautiful... Ryoko...” 
“You’re not too bad-looking yourself.” “Why, thank you.” I nuzzled her cheek. “This 
feeling of being close to someone who loves me... it’s a feeling I’d be glad to experience 
for the rest of my life.” “We’d all like that, wouldn’t we?” “Me especially, after being in 
that goddamned cave for seven hundred years.” “That’s one thing I can’t relate to. After 
all, I would have gone insane if I was trapped in a cave for 8,400 months, or 255,500 days, 
or 6,132,000 hours, or 367,920,000 minutes, or 22,075,200,000 seconds, or-” “Shut up.” 
She motioned her lips towards mine and kissed me for about half a minute. She finally was 
the one who pulled away, taking in a breath. “Cripes, you’re a good kisser.” I said. She 
laughed. “I’ve never heard anyone use the word ‘cripes’ before. I know it, but it’s still 
funny to hear someone use it.” “You like the word?” “I guess.” “Why do you love 
me?” “Because you love me. It’s simple.” “You really think that’s sufficient?” “Yeah.” 
“Me too. Love is complicated.” “It’s simple! A loving and caring space pirate devotes 
himself entirely to a cute and cuddly demon like me who henceforth loves him as well. How 
hard is that?” “Pretty hard.” “Let’s just cuddle for a while, okay?” “Certainly, my 
goddess.” “I love it when you call me that.” She licked my ear. “I love it when you do 
that.” I said. “You like it? Does it feel good?” “It’s emotionally pleasing, o divine 
Ryoko.” She chuckled. “What, do you have a thesaurus in your brain?” “Vocabulary. 
Nothing more. No words can express how I feel, but I try to convey a small fraction of it.” 
“You call me goddess, yet you’re infinitely more powerful than me.” “Not so, your 
divinity! I worship you alone!” “I don’t want to be worshipped. I want to be loved.” 
“Fine, then.” I switched voices to a more emotional tone. “I won’t. But I do love you so, 
like liquid sodium loves light waves.” “Try to use similes that I can understand.” “Fine, I 
love you like electromagnetism loves a tungsten filament.” “That sounds so scientific and 
precise... slather it on, like honey on a bear’s paws.” “Ooh... I’ll have to remember that.” 
She laughed. “You’re so strange... but I know you love me, and that’s what counts.” “You 
seemed to like being worshipped at first.” “Well, now I don’t. So quit it. Call me cute and 
cuddly instead of divine and unreachable.” “Oh, Ryoko, I just want to hold you forever. 
You are life to me. I eat, drink, and breathe being near you. I cannot live without you.” 
“That’s much better.” She licked my ear again. “Ooh...” I said. “You like it? Well, keep 
talking and I might do it again.” “I feel all warm and fuzzy inside being with you. I wish 
time would stop right now just for me to be near you forever. I hope-” She put her mouth 
next to my ear and whispered, “Keep talking.” She began to lick ravenously while 
whispering in a sultry voice very lewd things in my ear. “Ryoko, I could not be without you 
for a picosecond. You are my life now. There’s no way I’d leave your side if the world was 
ending. Do you feel the same way?” She whispered something I would not dare to print. I 
blushed profusely. “I... guess that’s a... y...yes. Th... thank you.” She kept on whispering. 
“Oh... well, that’s... certainly... somewhat ribald... but I appreciate the... oh, my... that’s 
absolutely filthy...” “Thank you.” “Are you ad-libbing this too?” “Of course.” She put 
her lips back to my ear and began licking and whispering again. I put my hand up to my 
face as I went almost completely red. She looked at me. “What? I thought you liked it.” “I 
do, I do...” “Then... what’s wrong? We’re the only ones out here, aren’t we?” “Yes...” 
“Then... why? What’s wrong with what I’m saying?” “It’s embarrassing...” “Oh, don’t 
be embarrassed, sweetie pie.” “Blech... that name sounds so wussy and dumb.” “Would 
you rather I call you...” She resumed her whispering and profuse licking. “That’s a fine 
thing to call me... but when we’re alone, okay?” “Okay.” What sort of naughty things are 
you whispering to that lad? said Washu telepathically. None of your beeswax, retorted 
Ryoko. Looks like Tenchi might be slipping from the picture... said Washu. Shut up! This 
‘lad’ as you said, loves me very, very much, and I love him too, so buzz off! Stop spying on 
us! said Ryoko angrily. Spying? How could you accuse me of spying? I’m merely watching 
out for your welfare... you know, there’s all kinds of people out there... said Washu 
sarcastically. Go away! said Ryoko. And she deactivated the gem that made 
telecommunication possible. “I heard that.” I said. “But it’s telepathy! How could you 
have?” “I have my ways. So... you do truly love me.” “Of course I do! Hasn’t what I said 
convinced you enough?” “Of course it has, just remarking on the fact that that proves it.” 
“You want proof? Here’s proof.” she said, and she kissed me again. I pulled away, and 
said,“Who said I wanted proof?” and I kissed her back. It lasted for a full two minutes and 
was the most astonishingly passionate yet. We both pulled back at the same time. “Wow.” 
said Ryoko. “That was two entire minutes.” I said. “Yeah... and it’s the first time you’ve 
started it.” “Is it? Looks like I have some catching up to do.” I kissed her again. I pulled 
back after a few dozen seconds and she refused to stop. “I insist, you’ve still got quite a 
ways to go before we’re even.” she said, and that’s what she said for the next thirteen 
times. “You’re not even close...” she said after the last one. “You liar.” I said, and I kissed 
her again. “You owe me.” She returned the last kiss and we were interrupted by Tenchi 
popping out the door and saying, “Ryoko? Alex? Lun-” He froze when he saw us kissing 
out on the grass. “Ohhhhkay then, never mind.” He shut the door. Ryoko went after him. 
“Tenchi, it’s not what it looks like... well, yes it is, but... wait...” I dusted myself off. “Poor 
girl.” I said. I helped myself to some poisonous mushrooms and didn’t even get sick. Ha 
ha. I went towards the house and cloaked myself. I also lowered my body temperature and 
went noncorporeal. I passed through the walls and looked at the people having lunch. 
Tenchi wasn’t with them, nor was Ryoko. I tried to sense where they were. Tenchi and 
Ryoko were somewhere upstairs. I teleported there. “Ryoko, if it wasn’t that, then what was 
it?” Ryoko, I could tell, was on the verge of tears. I put a hand on her shoulder and she 
cheered up a bit, but didn’t show it to Tenchi. “I love him... but I love you as well. Please 
don’t hold it against me.” “You’re right. I shouldn’t get angry. I’m certainly upset, 
though.” “I love you both. It’s not as if I try to get either of you angry.” “Of course not. I 
just find it hard to think that I may be...” “Having competition?” “No, losing you, 
Ryoko.” “Tenchi... you do care.” That’s it... I’m leaving. I said in her mind. No, don’t be 
angry. she replied. I’m going to... I balled up my fists for the words I was about to say. 
leave you two alone. I said with some effort. Thanks. I appreciate it. she said. Save it. I 
replied. I teleported out of there, a bit angry but nonetheless happy for her. Well, at least 
she’s happy. I thought. Oh, Tenchi... came a voice in my head. I shut off the telepathy and 
smashed the device on the ground. It plunged through the centre of the earth and came out 
the other side through a table on fire and rocketed into space. The family in Fortaleza, 
Brazil, shrieked in terror as their dinner was interrupted and then rushed out of the house to 
see the object fly into the sky. They reported it to the local newspaper and it quickly made 
headlines in Portugese: ¡EXTRA!: ¡LAVA-COVERED METEOR BURSTS FROM 
GROUND THROUGH FAMILY’S TABLE! I laughed at the hijinks that it caused, but I 
wasn’t very happy for long. I began to mope, knowing that inside Ryoko was probably 
professing her eternal love for Tenchi and promising never to leave his side. Dammit! I 
thought. What’s he got that I haven’t? But then I came to realize that it wasn’t what he had 
that Ryoko was after, emotionally, scientifically or otherwise, as opposed to the 
circumstances that brought them together. Dammit! I couldn’t help but bring out the 
binoculars and sonic amplifier. I pointed them at the window. Inside, Tenchi was nowhere to 
be seen, and Ryoko was a bit disheartened, as I could see. I immediately teleported to her 
side. “‘How now, my love? Why is your cheek so pale?’” I quoted Shakespeare’s A 
Midsummer Night’s Dream. “‘How chance the roses there do fade so fast?’” She 
apparently knew it too, as her eyes lit up and she said, with pauses, “‘Belike... for want of 
rain... which I could well... beteem them with... the tempest of my eyes.’” She was 
obviously delighted at my remembrance of those fateful lines. “This play was one of my 
favorites... keep going...” I started again.“‘Ay me! For aught that I could ever read...’” 
She was saying the words quietly to herself while I quoted. “‘Could ever hear by tale or 
history, the course of true love never did run smooth. But either it was different in blood-’” 
She said softly but emotionally, “‘O cross! Too high to be enthralled to low.’” “‘Or else 
misgrafféd in respect of years-’” “‘O spite! Too old to be engaged to young.’” “‘Or else 
it stood upon the choice of friends-’” “‘O hell, to choose love... by another’s... eyes...’” 
“‘Or, if there were a sympathy in chice, war, death, or sickness did lay siege to it, making it 
momentany as a sound, swift as a shadow, short as any dream, brief as the lightning in the 
collied night, that, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth, and, ere a man hath power to 
say, ‘Behold!’ the jaws of darkness do devour it up. So quick bright things come to 
confusion.’” Her eyes sparkled as she recited, “‘If then true lovers have been ever 
crossed... it stands as an edict in destiny... then let us teach our trial patience... because it is 
a customary cross... as due to love as thoughts and dreams and sighs... wishes and tears, 
poor fancy’s followers...’ Oh, Alex, you remember all that?” “Yes...” “That was my 
favorite scene...” “Mine too. What’s wrong?” “I told Tenchi how I truly feel.” “What do 
you mean?” “I told him that I just wanted to be friends...” “Oh, dammit, Ryoko, men hate 
it when women say that. What’d he do?” “That’s the thing. He was real nice about it. He 
was real accepting and stuff... it looks like he never really considered me a lover... but I 
guess that’s to be expected, after all, he must have considered me a family member by 
now...” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be. I found out how he truly feels as well. It’s just as good 
to be a family member with him. I just want to be somehow connected with him. He 
released me from the cave. He’s tied for the place of the nicest person I’ve ever met. I just 
want to know that he loves me... that’s all. I had no idea he loved me as a family member... 
but at least he loves me. That’s all that matters, and now I’m free to pursue a relationship 
with you as well.” “Hot dog!” I yelled, and leaped up into the air. She laughed. “Don’t 
act as if you just discovered it. If Tenchi didn’t want me to be with you, I’d tell him to do 
what he wants, but leave me and you alone. Don’t worry. I’m not about to walk out on 
you.” “Just a little scared, that’s all.” “I could tell you were angry and frightened after 
you left. That is, until you turned the telecommunicator off.” “Well, you were going ‘Oh, 
Tenchi...’” “That was an ‘oh’ of recognizement. I wasn’t swooning.” “Phew. That’s a 
relief.” “You worry too much. Just give it up, you can trust me. But then again... it’s kind 
of nice having someone fuss over me... but don’t if I ask you not to, okay?” “Anything 
you say.” “Stop fawning on my every word.” “Even that last sentence encourages me to 
fawn yet more. Everything about you is beautiful to me, everything you do, say, look, or feel 
is beautiful.” “That’s really nice of you to say that.” “Well, maybe not the short variant of 
your original beam sabre.” “What?” “You know, that dinky little dagger that Zero made 
when it... she, rather... was trying to kill Tenchi, y’know... that stupid thing... it pissed me 
off.” “WHAT?!” “I’m just sayin’.” “How’d you know about that?” “I was there.” 
Ryoko suddenly felt a chill all over her body. “You mean... to say that you were there? 
And... you didn’t try to stop me?” “I knew you’d miss. I calculated your trajectory. I 
would have stuck out my hand, but according to my calculations you missed by a good fifty 
degrees.” “Still... you were there? For how long?” “Ever since you guys left from the 
tour.” “And you were following us?” “Yes.” “Why didn’t you show yourself?” “I 
was... I know this may sound stupid, but I was determined not to interfere.” “And what if I 
had killed Tenchi, huh? Would you have said that that was the way it should have gone?” 
“You wouldn’t have. Because... it was because of me that you missed.” “What?” “I 
psychically sent Zero Ryoko’s emotional data. Ironic, isn’t it? The person who’s 
personality is changed by someone changes theirs in return.” “That’s still pretty creepy 
that you were there the whole time and we didn’t even know it. And what about when I was 
abducted? Why didn’t you save me then?” “Don’t be foolish. Dr. Clay would have had all 
the more reason to kill you then. I’m sure Zero would have wasted no time in killing her, if I 
may, ‘evil twin’. I was buying time.” “Everything you did had a reason?” “Everything. I 
was trying to save everyone... because I’m a believer in the chaos theory. I had to monitor 
you guys to make sure that nothing went wrong. And it didn’t.” “Chaos theory? What do 
you mean? How would you know what’s supposed to happen?” “This universe is 
portrayed as a television show in my universe, and one that I’m quite fond of, actually.” 
“Then why did you kill Dr. Clay? My mother had a perfect shot at him.” “No, she didn’t. 
She had to take care of the bogus statue. Clay would have escaped otherwise, and I’m sure 
none of us would have liked that.” “And what of the other half of the space ship? If Tenchi 
didn’t have the Light Hawk Wings, Mihoshi and Aeka would be dead along with him. You 
could’ve saved the other half of the ship.” “I tried. Tokimi somehow intercepted my trace 
pattern and brought me to her chamber thingy where I totally whupped her!” “Whupped 
her?” “Yeah... I brought her down to chinatown! She didn’t stand a chance.” “Whatever 
you say... then you’re even more creepy than she is.” “Aw, Ryoko... don’t say that.” 
“Sorry, it’s just... it is creepy knowing someone very closely whose power extends beyond 
reach of human comprehension.” “It is comprehended very well around the world.” 
“Whatever do you mean?” “You and everyone else are in the text of a book I am writing.” 
“So... you mean that I’m not real?” “Of course you are! You’re very real! This is more of 
an interdimensional plane than a book, really. But still, I’m its author, so I retain absolute 
power over events.” “Events... then why did you make this whole villain thing happen?” 
“I didn’t make it not happen.” “Whatever... forget about it.” “Right-o. Are you angry at 
me?” “A little.” I walked over to her. “What did I do? Did I hurt your feelings or 
something? Tell me... I don’t want you to be angry...” She grinned and put her hand to my 
face. “Stop fussing over me! It’s embarrassing!” “But I love you so, my darling...” She 
laughed. “You’re so dumb...” “It’s my love for you that gets me this way.” “Oh, god... 
that’s your excuse?” “Isn’t it excuse enough?” She sat down on the floor. “What’s 
wrong?” I asked. “Nothing... just sitting, that’s all... you know, I don’t think this 
relationship will last long if you keep fussing over my every move. It’s nice most of the 
time, but sometimes it’s just annoying.” “Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t mean to annoy you!” I 
backed off. “You’re backing off?” “What, do you want me to come closer?” “Why 
not?” I sat down next to her. “Sorry.” “And don’t apologize!” “Sor-... okay.” “That’s 
better.” I put my hand around her shoulders sneakily. She noticed right before I touched 
her. “It’s okay. Go ahead. I don’t mind at all...” And to show it, she put her hand around 
my shoulders as well. “There. Is that better?” she asked. “Much. Thanks.” “I know how 
much you like what I did back outside... and I think you’ll get more if you compliment me 
more.” “You’re radiant, Ryoko. You shine like the star of Sirius from the view of 
Aldebaran.” “I haven’t seen that view yet.” “Why not?” “Because there just isn’t much 
to do in Aldebaran. No major crime rings, no bank robberies... heck, there isn’t even much 
towel stealing from hotel rooms.” “It’s still a beautiful place to go.” “I wish I could see 
it.” “You can! Hold on tight and I’ll take you there.” “I don’t want to go so far away 
from earth.” “I thought you’d say that, and that’s why I hid something in Washu’s lab.” 
“You hid something there?” “It’s cloaked. Want to see it?” “Sure.” “Hold on.” 
“Doesn’t Washu have a force field around it?” “That’s why you have to hold on. I can 
crack her code, but it only opens for a picosecond or so before the code changes. So I have 
to make it in really quick.” I cracked the code in a second and teleported us through. 
“You’re pretty good.” she said. “Wait until you see what I have for you.” “What is it?” 
“A surprise.” I teleported over to the spot where the machine was cloaked. “Nine two six 
five eight seven three.” “PIN confirmed. Enter password.” “Azuka is anal-retentive or the 
elephant says, ‘moo.’.” “Password confirmed.” The building shimmered into view. 
“What was that password about?” “Nothing.” “What is that?” “It’s a virtual reality 
chamber.” “What?” “You’ll see...” I held her hand as we walked inside. It looked like a 
huge white space with a door leading inside. “Washu would have a fit if she knew about 
this.” I said. “What’s wrong with it?” “Do you have any idea how much electricity is 
needed to support these electrospheres?” “You’d better not tell me.” “Good. Now for the 
surprise part.” I covered her eyes. She raised her hands to mine. “Don’t open your eyes 
until I say.” “Okay... I’m game.” She smiled a little. “Command, initiate program 
Doppler.” “PROGRAM INITIATED. SPECIFY COORDINATES.” “Calibrate to 
ALDBRN.” “ALDBRN CALIBRATED. POWERING UP SUBSYSTEMS AND 
ELECTROSPHERES.” “No peeking.” I said. The entire environment shifted into a 
grassy clearing with a bunch of trees. In the sky was a very beautiful constellation pattern. 
“Okay. You can open your eyes now.” I removed my hands. She opened her eyes and 
gasped. “This is the sky from Aldebaran. Do you like it?” “It’s beautiful...” “It should 
be. But it doesn’t compare to you, my dear.” “You’ve seen all the wonders of the 
universe... and you still think I’m the best?” “Of course. Stars cannot show you affection. 
But they sure are pretty to look at... especially with someone you love.” “You programmed 
this entire sky just for me?” “It’s a little project I was working on for a while.” “It’s 
wonderful.” “And you can feel it, too. That’s what the electrospheres are for.” She 
reached out and touched a tree. It stopped her hand. She gasped. “Incredible...”  “It feels 
like bark, doesn’t it?” “Yes... yes, it does. You spent all this time to program this entire 
environment just so you could show it to me?” “Yes. Anything for you.” “It’s beautiful. 
Thank you.” “I’ve got more.” “I’d like to see them... but some other time.” “Why some 
other time?” “Because I’ve got something special planned for you.” “What would that 
be?” “You’ll see...” 
	Two minutes later Washu noticed the machine there. It hadn’t been there before. 
What the heck was it? She walked over to it and knocked on the door. No answer. She 
opened it to find an exact replica of Aldebaran. “It sure is pretty... and whatever’s that 
pretty has to use a lot of power. Come out, come out, wherever you are... I think I know 
whoever you are... ALEX...” She walked through the false environment. She looked to the 
right to see her own daughter pressing me up against a tree and kissing me like there was no 
tomorrow. “Hi. I’d just like you to know that-” We immediately ceased our activity. I 
turned slowly to look at her, my face completely red. “this is MY laboratory, and I don’t 
appreciate someone like you coming in here and plugging a VR chamber in, and a shabby 
one at that...” “Sorry, I’ll get it out right away...” Ryoko rolled up her sleeves and stormed 
over to her mother. “Now look here, mom... he built this entire thing just for ME, and I 
intend to express my gratitude whether you’re here or not! Now he apparently doesn’t want 
you to watch, frankly, I don’t care, but he does, and I think that it would be best for you to 
leave now!” “This is MY laboratory!” “Excuse me...” I said. “Stay out of this!” said 
Ryoko. “I mean, uh... wait a minute while I get this distraction out of here, darling.” 
“DISTRACTION?! I’ll have you know that I built this entire laboratory’s power plant and 
I don’t want him using it because VR chambers use up an immense amount of power. 
Actually, half my power plant’s reserves are gone already!” “Have you even checked 
lately?” I asked. “No, not really, but I saw that reading three minutes ago!” “Check 
again.” She looked confused. “What, will it make a difference?” “I think so.” She walked 
over to the core and brought up that holographic laptop thingy. “Power reserves at full?! 
What is this?” “It only used power when it was constructed. It has its own immense source 
of power which is seven hundred times that needed to power itself, and it shares that power 
with your power plant, so actually, it’s helping your laboratory greatly.” “Wow! Thanks. 
I’ll be going now. Have fun!” She closed the door. Ryoko turned to me. “That was 
smart.” “Thanks.” “Where were we? Oh, right...” 
	Washu chuckled to herself. “Well, offspring will be offspring. Of course Ryoko 
had to start a fight... but Alex... I’m impressed the way he disposed of me that quickly. He 
apparently planned ahead.” 
	Tenchi was sweeping the shrine grounds on top of the mountain with Aeka just like 
the episode was supposed to start. Funaho walked up the stairs and I suddenly became 
aware that the episode’s events had started. 
	Ryoko had me pinned to the ground and was kissing me profusely. “Uh, Ryoko...” 
“What?” she huffed. “I think we can continue this later.” “Why not now?” “I have 
some business I have to attend to.” “Don’t go. I’m not finished with you yet.” “Look, 
this is important to me.” “What’re you going to do?” She was still breathing heavily. 
“Try and escape?” “If I must.” “Please don’t go, Alex...” She looked at me with a 
sorrowful face while she held my arms to the ground. “Well... I guess I can stay for a few 
more minutes.” “You’ll be glad you did... I promise.” She smiled playfully.
	Washu began the stairway ascent, all the while knowing that just down back in the 
house, her daughter was playing around in a VR chamber with someone from another 
universe. There was a knock on the house’s door. I heard from inside the chamber. 
	“Ryoko, someone’s at the door. Shouldn’t we at least see who it-” “Leave the 
door.” she panted. “All right.” She began licking my ear again. “I really think it would be 
good to go see about the door.” “Shut up.” she whispered. “I think now is not a good 
time.” She whispered what she planned to do to me if I stayed. “Tough... choice... but we 
can do... that... anytime...” “Why don’t you want to?” “Because some frightfully 
important visitors have come.” “Who would that be?” “The two empresses of Jurai...” 
“So what? Let’s just...” She whispered something incredibly off-color. “I’d rather we do 
that some other time.” “I’m not giving up. I’m going to have you whether you like it or 
not.” “I promise I’ll let you do anything you want with me tomorrow.” “Ooh... I’d better 
start thinking...” “But only if you let me go today.” “Why? ... Don’t you love me?” “I 
do, only you know how I do, but this is only going to happen once, whereas we can do that 
whenever we want.” “Whenever we want? You promise?” “Absolutely. I’m not going to 
force you to let me go, but it’s a better deal...” “Oh, all right. You’ve convinced me.” 
“Thank you.” She released her grip, and I started to get up when she pinned me down 
again. “Anything I want?” “Anything.” She released me and I teleported off. She sat down 
to think and giggled like a schoolgirl at the things she was thinking about. She slid her back 
down a tree and went into a sort of emotional stupor.
	I teleported to the first floor of the house and said, “Who’s here?” Misaki turned 
around and looked at me. “Hi there! You must be Alex!” “Yes.” She ran over and hugged 
me. “You saved my daughters’ lives and very likely most of Earth’s! How can I ever thank 
you?!” “What?” “Defeating Kagato! Remember?” “Oh, right. That.” She sat back 
down. “Well, don’t just float there! Sit down and introduce yourself!” I teleported to the 
other couch. “What’s there to say? Uh...” “Well, for starters, how’d you do it?” 
“What?” “Defeat Kagato! You must have been incredibly skilled to do that.” “Not really. 
He and I beat the crap out of each other, and I got him in the neck and he got paralyzed. He 
asked me to shoot him, so I did.” “You defeated the galaxy’s most potent menace in a 
martial arts contest?” “I prefer to call it a slugfest.” “Well, I can assure you that this will 
be well recognized throughout the planet.” “Thanks.” “Any time!” I teleported, cloaked, 
and reduced my body temperature to follow Washu and Funaho, who had just about begun 
talking. “Wait.” said Washu. “I need to make sure this conversation is secure.” “What?” 
“Hold on.” She took out a pair of some sort of goggles. “Aha! Alex, go away!” “You 
mean Alex, the one who defeated Kagato in the first place?” “Yes, and he’s a sneaky little 
spy as well!” I uncloaked myself and walked down the steps grumbling. “Stupid dumb X-
rays... grumble grumble...” I teleported back there, cloaked, and went non-corporeal. 
“That’s better.” “Now, shall we continue?” I followed them all the way down the stairs, 
eavesdropping on their conversation. Finally, they reached the bottom. I uncloaked. “Oh 
yeah! Noncorporeality! Bet you didn’t account for that in your little arsenal, huh?” I said. 
“Shouldn’t you be off bothering someone else?” “Nope.” “That was top-secret 
material.” “Oh yeah? Well, I already knew that.” “How did you know all of that?” asked 
Funaho. “I don’t go being a mind slicer without taking proper advantage of it!” “You 
mean you read my mind and found this out?” “Yes.” “You are highly dangerous just for 
existing.” “I’m a good person, you don’t have to worry.” “I hope so.” I teleported to the 
docks, where a while later Azuka teleported down with everyone watching. Ryoko was 
hanging on my shoulder this time. I teleported up to the roof while he was teleporting down. 
Ryoko followed me up. “Wait!” After Azuka gave his orders for Aeka and Sasami to 
return home unless Tenchi dueled with that pink-haired dude, I sat there and prepared a 
machine gun and loaded it with spitballs. “Damn.” I said. “I guess this means I can’t 
help.” “CERTAINLY NOT!” said Azuka. “You dare go against the emperor of Jurai?” 
“I don’t remember voting for you.” “You don’t vote for emperors!” “Well how did you 
become emperor, then?” “The trees chose me because I showed the power of Jurai in front 
of them. THAT is why I’m the emperor!” “Listen. Strange trees lying around absorbing 
fireworks is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a 
mandate from the masses, not for some forsible arboreal ceremony!” “Shut up, will 
you?!” “You can’t expect to wield supreme executive authority just because some tree said 
you could! If I were to go around proclaiming myself emperor just because some leafy tart 
was impressed with my light show, they’d put me away!” “SHUT UP!” “Help! Help! 
I’m being repressed!” “BLOODY FEDERALIST!” “You saw him repressing me, didn’t 
you? Didn’t you?!” “Leave me alone!” “What, you didn’t see Monty Python and the 
Holy Grail?” “What’s that?” My face went pale. “Oh my god. I just offended you 
terribly, didn’t I?” “Yes, you did!” “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean it.” “What do you mean?” 
“Here. Watch.” I showed a gigantic screen above the lake. The scene with King Arthur and 
the peasants was shown. “Oh, now I get it! That’s hysterical!” said the emperor. “So you 
were making fun of that movie the whole time?” “Yes. I thought you knew.” “Oh, I 
didn’t.” “Well, that’s a coincidence. You said almost exactly what King Arthur said.” 
“Well, enough humor! Let’s get to the duel!” “Can I be the anti-cheerleader?” “What?” 
“I fly around poking fun at the competitors.” “You don’t need my permission.” “Oh, 
hooray.” I teleported down to where the two were standing. Azuka was talking to Funaho 
about how the pink-haired dude was going to win. “Hey, royal ugly dude!” I said to that 
pink-haired dude. “Who’re you calling ugly?!” “What, with that outrageous hair? Calling 
you ugly is a compliment.” “I’m not so sure I picked the right opponent, my emperor.” 
“Fight him afterwards if you must, but the first is between you and this Tenchi person.” 
“Very well... I shall resign myself to fighting such a weakling... I was hoping I’d get to 
fight against the man who defeated Kagato... after all, at least it’d provide somewhat of a 
humorous battle, but defeating you would be like defeating a foam block, it’d be so 
pathetically easy.” I interjected.“He’s not as bad as you think. Or rather, you’re not as 
good as you think.” “How would you know?” “You’re a wuss who talks big.” “Am 
not!” I made a funny face at him. “Now we shall fight!” The others got umbrellas after 
seeing Mihoshi’s ship falling down. Tenchi and the other dude got into a fighting stance. 
Mihoshi’s ship crashed into the water and swept away the pink-haired dude. “Aw... too 
bad...” I said as I looked at his floating figure. The emperor got really angry obviously. I 
went over to the dude in the water and fished his body out of the lake. I took out a 
permanent marker and drew derogatory statements all over him. I dropped him on the dock. 
“Wussy! Tenchi wins! You uptight conservative dudes gotta go now. G’bye!” The 
emperor got really pissed but teleported up to his ship with Funaho and Misaki. I followed 
in cloaking. He vowed his revenge on me this time. I appeared right in front of him. “What 
did you say?” “AAAAH! GUARDS!” They swarmed all over me. I made a force field 
around me that the guards bounced off of. “Easy, mister emperor. I’m not gonna hurt 
you.” “I don’t trust you.” “Do you have much of a choice? Your guards aren’t exactly 
effective here. With this power, I could’ve killed you easily already. Don’t you think I 
would’ve done so if I wanted to?” “Well... okay. Guards, back off. But keep alert. Let’s 
hear what he has to say.” They backed off and I deactivated the shield. “You have a pretty 
extravagant throne.” “Is that what you risked your life to tell me?” “Nope... I also want to 
show you this.” I gave him a full Monty Python video set and a TV and VCR. “Watch 
these. You’ll like them.” “What are these?” “Press this little button on the TV,” I pointed 
to it, “Turn on this VCR,” I showed him, “And put the little tapes in.” I put one in and he 
said, “What is this?” “You know that movie I got the emperor electorial joke from? Well 
there are several entire movies made up of these kinds of skits. Trust me, if you liked that, 
then you’ll like the others.” “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you for your gift.” “Thank 
you for your hospitality. I leave in peace.” “And don’t teleport in like that! You remind me 
too much of... that time the demon attacked Jurai... she had similar powers.” I rolled my 
eyes. “Oh, sorry.” “Don’t you roll your eyes at me, young man!” “Chill out! I’m just 
joking.” “Chill out?” “Earth idiom. Never mind. Don’t I have some sort of diplomatic 
immunity, being an ambassador of sorts and all?” “I suppose so.” “Goodbye.” I 
teleported back to earth where it was near midnight. Ryoko was on the roof waiting for me. 
“Fifteen minutes until midnight...” she said. “So?” “You said tomorrow I could do 
anything I want with you. Well, I’ve had some ideas.” “I hope they’re not as risqué as the 
ones you suggested this afternoon.” “Well, that’s one part... but the other is a surprise for 
you as well.” “Me?” “Yes... we’re going to have a great time together. I promise. Not just 
for me, but for you as well.” “I’m looking forward to it.” I sat on the roof next to her. 
“Do you come here often?” “Are you kidding? I come here all the time.” “And your 
tail... wasn’t it brown before?” “This tail?” “Yeah... the one attached to your clothes.” 
“You noticed? I thought nobody would... but I guess they just didn’t say anything.” 
“What happened?” “It turns out it was dry-clean only.” She held up something that 
looked like a brown worm, only it wasn’t moving. “I used a spare one.” “You keep spare 
tails?” “Yeah.” “I thought it might’ve been bleached from your lying in the sun too 
long.” “What’s wrong with that?” “Nothing... in fact, I love napping in the sun too.” 
“Well, then you know why I do it.” “All right. But what do you have planned for 
midnight?” “Three minutes... I’m going to completely act on my every whim today. Except 
for what I have planned for the morning.” “Okay... but you know, I really don’t care, I’d 
be willing to do what you say even two minutes before midnight.” “Really? That’s sweet 
of you. Come with me.” I held her hand as she led me through the air and to a clearing in 
the forest. She sat down on a rock. “Tell me I’m pretty.” “You’re beyond pretty. You’re 
the epitome of all that is beautiful.” “Now tell me I’m cute.” “You’re cute.” She sighed 
with pleasure. “Now tell me I’m cuddly.” “I don’t know until I’ve had hands-on 
experience.” I stepped over to her. She grabbed me and we sat together on the rock. “Yes... 
you’re definitely cuddly.” She turned to me and we placed our hands on each other’s 
shoulders. “Now tell me how much you love me.” “Ryoko... take the most love you can 
imagine.” “Okay... got it.” “Now multiply it a thousand times.” “You love me that 
much?” “No, I love you more.” “Tell me how much more.” “More times than there are 
atoms in the universe.” “How many are there?” “Infinity. As my love for you is infinite.” 
“Now tell me about my eyes.” “They’re the most beautiful pair of eyes in the universe, 
like liquid gold. They’re sensitive and compassionate, not without a tone of playfulness in 
the way you blink, and yet still very easily changed in shape.” “Tell me about my hair.” 
“Your hairstyle has to be the most gorgeous I’ve ever seen. The way your bangs come 
down to your shoulders and the rest out the back... and the color... that beautiful pastel 
blue... it’s almost like it radiates beauty from its very follicles.” “Now tell me about my 
figure.” “The shape of your body is still more beautiful yet... your graceful curves, soft 
shoulders... it just says something to me.” “What would that be?” “That you’re a 
goddess, a nymph, divine... my love... everything about you is beautiful... the way you 
walk... the way you talk... ooh, that rhymes... the way you laugh... the way you smile... and 
the way you are when you’re with me has to be my favorite...” “What? Like this?” “Yes. 
That playful attitude... that just sparks something inside me.” “I’m glad you feel that 
way.” She leaned in and kissed me. We broke it after three minutes and she sighed. “I’m 
sort of tired. Wake me up when the sun does, okay?” “Okay.” She fell asleep on my 
shoulder. I kept watch over the horizon. The sun started to peek over six hours later. She 
had said my name several times while she had slept. “Ryoko... the sun’s up.” She woke up 
sort of groggy. “Wha... why’d you wake me up...?” “You asked me to, remember?” She 
perked up. “Oh, yeah! I remember now! Just wait here.” She teleported somewhere and 
came back a few seconds later holding a piece of paper. “What’s that?” I asked. “I 
thought over it a while... I want you to take me out to your universe. You know... see the 
sights... whatever... it’s got a lot of fun things to do.” “I see. I assume you’ve packed?” 
“Of course.” “This is why you should tell me these things. Hold on.” I teleported over to 
my universe’s portal and went through, got about ten thousand New Vegeta dollars, and 
teleported to the Green House and packed in record speed. I then teleported to the portal 
and went back through and teleported back to the place we were at. “All set. Ten thousand 
dollars and my stuff.” “Ten thousand?! That’s a lot of money.” “Anything for you, my 
dear.” “Wow.” She put her hands up to her cheeks. “A million. I think that’s enough to 
last us a day.” “Well, you can never be too sure.” “Well, should we go?” “Shouldn’t we 
at least leave a note or something?” “Nah.” “Well, you know with all the villains around, 
they might get worried. After all, we’re the two most powerful people around. It stands to 
reason that we’d be any villain’s first target.” “Oh, you’re right. What should it say?” “I 
don’t know... you planned the excursion, you should write the note.” She turned to me and 
pouted. “But you said you’d do anything I wanted.” “Oh, all right.” I teleported inside 
and wrote down a hurried note saying, “Don’t panic-we’ll be back by” I teleported 
outside. “What time should we be back by?” “Who cares?” I teleported inside. 
“tomorrow.” I teleported back outside. “Let’s go.” We stepped through the portal 
together. “I look so weird!” she said. “I think the same thing when I enter your universe, 
keep in mind.” “You look a lot better in mine.” “I guess so... but let’s not worry about 
that.” “All right. I don’t have a jacket or anything, so let’s go somewhere warm.” 
“Sounds good to me. Although there isn’t anything warm on New Vegeta. I have to show 
you something later on back here, though...” “What’s that?” “A surprise.” “Ooh... I love 
surprises.” “I love surprising people. Shall we start our journey on board Ship?” 
“Sounds good to me.” “Right. Ship’s currently orbiting right above our location. See that 
white dot? That’s it. Shall we fly?” “Race ya.” “You’re on.” I flew high into the air. She 
was right on my tail and exceeded my speed, quickly overtaking me, and flew at near Mach 
III. I increased my speed. She looked behind her to see me quickly approaching and sped 
up. I was just about even with her when she gave a tremendous burst of speed and 
accelerated at a vast rate. I caught up to her just when Ship was coming up and she sped just 
ahead of me and we went from Mach VII to zero in almost no time at all. I stopped right 
next to her. We were both out of breath. I held her and teleported us to inside Ship. We 
caught our breath there. “I won.” she said quite breathlessly. We tried to laugh but were 
too out of breath to even manage a wheeze through our rapid heavy breathing. Finally we 
caught our breath and I said, “Well, that was fun.” “It certainly was.” “I hope you 
haven’t planned many more activities that produce such physical exertion.” “Well, I 
wouldn’t say that...” She winked. I blushed and said, “Well, anyway... let’s continue our 
day out. What is first on your list there?” She looked at it. “Uh... we should eat first.” 
“Of course! To the dining section!” I grabbed her hand and led her to the very same 
transport that we used first. “Ship... please take us to the dining section.” she said. “AH. 
YOU REMEMBERED.” said Ship. “ALEX... YOU ARE WITH ONLY THIS ONE 
THIS TIME. WHAT IS THIS?” “Well, Ship...” She went to one of Ship’s audio ports 
and whispered something. “OH. YOU ARE... IN LOVE. HOW HUMAN. I WISH 
SOMEONE WOULD BE MY LOVER, BUT NOOOOO... NOT THE SPACESHIP... 
NOT THE POOR, HALF-HUMAN GOD-FORSAKEN...” We got into the transport and 
I pressed the button while Ship’s complaints replaced the common elevator music. “ONLY 
METAL... THAT’S ME... JUST A SHIP... EVEN NAMED ME SHIP...” “You named 
yourself!” But he wouldn’t listen. “CAN’T EVEN BE HUMAN... HE MIGHT AS 
WELL HAVE BESTOWED THE DROID’S TYPE OF INTELLIGENCE ON ME 
RATHER THAN GIVEN ME A FULL INTELLIGENCE... IT’S MADE ME 
MISERABLE, I CAN TELL YOU...” “The Rasharnos made you that way!” “DON’T 
GO DISSING THE RASHARNOS IN FRONT OF ME!” “I wasn’t dissing them, I was 
just... oh, well, never mind. Go on.” Ryoko had her back against the corner of the transport, 
leaning, and was stifling laughter. “WHAT’S SO FUNNY?” said Ship. “You’re kind of 
cute, the way you talk...” “AW, SHUCKS... HEH HEH...” “WHOA, there, Ship, she’s 
spoken for.” “I don’t know... if you don’t do what I say today, I might just go looking 
elsewhere...” “Whatever you say!” “I was only teasing! You’re so gullible! I guess that’s 
one of the reasons I like you. But Ship, listen... I think my ship would looove to meet you. 
Her name’s Ryo-ohki.” “HER NAME?” “Yeah. She and you fit perfectly! I can just see 
it! I’ll tell her about you.” “LIKE A... WHAT DO YOU HUMANS CALL IT... A SORT 
OF BLIND DATE?” “Yeah. You two would have a great time together.” “I WOULD 
LIKE TO MEET THIS RYO-OHKI... YOU’RE NOT KIDDING, RIGHT?” “No, I’m 
serious! You two are made for each other! I’ll set you two up to meet each other just as 
soon as I’m done with this guy over here...” “What about me?” “Of course you know as 
well as I do that this day has to end... right, sweetie?” “Absolutely.” “Well, I think Ryo-
ohki and Ship could work out together. After all, they’re both into the same line of work, 
and they’re both sentient. Why not?” “Well, the size difference for example...” “Why 
can’t we combine Ship with the masses too?” “I never thought of that... Ship, you said you 
wanted a human body?” “WHY? HAVE YOU HAD AN IDEA?” “Yes. You see, Ryo-
ohki was combined with a form called a Mass. It’s a... well, I really don’t know what it is, 
but Ryo-ohki has three interchangeable forms now. I think the same would work with 
you.” “WE’D HAVE TO TRY THAT... EXCUES ME. DINING AREA, ALL ASHORE 
WHO’S GOING ASHORE.” The doors opened to reveal an elaborate hall with a droid 
waiter behind a desk. “Yo, cap’n! Whassup?!” “Aw, not much. Look, I have a lady here 
tonight, so if you’d be so kind as to act like a restaurant worker and not a homeboy I’d 
really appreciate it.” The machine suddenly switched accents. “Ah, I see, Monsieur 
Capitân. I assume that you would like a table here?” “Yes, please.” “Coming right up.” It 
walked into the kitchen. “Boy, your ship makes mine seem like a mouse hole compared to 
an office building.” “Hey, at least your ship is your friend, and that’s enough, isn’t it? It’s 
not the size of the ship that matters, it’s whether the ship will stick by you that...” 
“Monsieur? Mademoiselle? Right this way.” We followed it to a table where the menus 
were the size of dictionaries with short little item descriptions followed by the price. 
“Surely you’re the captain, you don’t have to pay them, right?” “I don’t have to, but it’s a 
nice thing to do. After all, they work too. This ship is like a medium city in itself. The robots 
work for other robots, and at the ends of the week they all put their money together to throw 
one big extravagant party. That’s their life.” “Wow.” “Besides, the food’s not all that 
expensive, is it? That’s ‘cause there’s almost no demand for it, and they have a big 
supply.” “I suppose so, on a ship full of robots.” We leafed through the menus. The robot 
waiter came back. “Can I interest you two in a drink? Or an appetizer perhaps?” I asked, 
“Ryoko, do you want an appetizer?” “Before breakfast?” “I thought not. We’ll just have 
the drink and entrée, thank you.” “What drinks will you have?” “I’ll have a beer, thanks.” 
said Ryoko. “And for Monsieur?” “The usual.” “Coming right up.” It walked into the 
kitchen. “The usual?” she asked. “Alcohol slows people down.” “I don’t mind being 
slowed down at all.” “I do. So I drink gasoline.” “GASOLINE?” “It’s actually quite 
tasty. Of course, normal humans would not find it so. But I do because I like it, strangely. 
Also, my being the author lets me drink it without being poisoned.” “All right.” The robot 
came back a few minutes later with the drinks. “Your drinks. What will you have for the 
main course?” Ryoko leafed through the menu while I ordered the Capella flapjacks. “And 
what will Mademoiselle have?” “I’ll have the... uh... waffles.” “Very good choice. With 
strawberries or blueberries?” She thought for a second. “Both.” “All right then.” It took 
the menus and left for the kitchen again. “You’re really pretty this morning. Of course, 
you’re pretty every morning.” “Thank you. I feel kind of dizzy... hearing so many nice 
things from you all the time...” “You’d better get used to it.” “I like being dizzy.” She 
sighed and looked at the ceiling. “You’re a really great person.” she said. “Thank you.” 
Ryoko thought for a while. Not once in her life had anyone ever thanked her. Not once had 
she ever been called upon to say, “You’re welcome.” I continued nonetheless.“You are 
too. You’re perfect.” “Nobody’s perfect.” “That’s just something people say if they 
don’t consider something perfect. Perfect is different for everyone. For me, it’s you.” 
“Thank you.” “Very welcome.” The robot came back with the dishes prepared. It was 
easy given that we were the only two in the restaurant. “Voila.” it said. “Bon appetit.” 
“You know what?” “What, mon capitan?” “I hate it when they splice in phrases from 
another language into english.” “Me too, but what can I say? I am a waiter! Waiters are 
supposed to speak like this, oui?” “I’d prefer the homeboy style talking to that accent.” 
The machine cranked once. “Yeah, whassup, I think y’all should eat your food, y’know 
what I’m sayin’, ‘cause there’s a convoy of freighters bearing mark zero seven nine, 
y’know?” “Certainly. We’d better eat quick. I don’t want to miss this.” “What?” “This 
is a pirate ship, remember? That’s what we do here.” “Oh! I nearly forgot!” We ate 
quickly and I left the money on the table. It was a few dollars over the total, but so what? I 
teleported to the bridge and she followed suit. “Captain! We’ve been waiting for you!” 
“Good. Let’s have a window showing the freighters’ position.” A screen popped up 
showing several grey dots surrounded by what looked like grey dust. “Hmm... about sixty 
clicks, eh?” “Yes, sir.” “Magnify. Get an IFF on these things.” “Sir, they’re not from 
our star cluster.” “What’re they doing in realspace here?” “They’re delivering to Boltro, 
it seems.” “Intercept them. Find out who they are.” “Sir, just getting readouts! They’re 
GPF allied! Delivering documents, sir!” “All the better. Let’s get this show on the road, 
people!” “You’re attacking guarded GPF freighters?!” “What’s wrong with that?” The 
robot sighed. “Yes, sir.” He slurched off to give the order through the intercom for all units 
to brace for combat. “Ooh, this is getting exciting!” said Ryoko. “It should. GPF is the 
Galactic Police Force. I wonder what they’re doing delivering to Boltro... well, those 
documents should be interesting... and the ships will probably be worth some cash.” 
“Should I just stand here, then?” “What do you want to do?” She pointed upwards to the 
VR chamber. “Can I? Please?” “Okay... go fire the big guns.” “Hooray!” She climbed 
up the ladder. The ship lurched as it turned to face the convoy, still cloaked. We arrived in 
the middle of the convoy and destroyed a good few fighters before they discovered us. We 
uncloaked and the black bulk that is Ship revealed itself. Most of the freighters tried to 
escape into subspace in terror, but we had already put up a gravity well. The fighters were 
ferociously engaging each other, while the laser cannons controlled by Ryoko were doing 
quite a good job of crippling the freighters. Soon, all the drone police fighters were gone. 
Ryoko climbed down from the ladder, sweating. She wiped her forehead. “That was fun!” 
“Good job!” I said. She smiled. “Now comes the good part. The loot!” All the robot crew 
raised their hands in affirmation and shouted, “The loot!”. I put on my pirate garb and 
began transmission to the freighters. “GPF freighters, prepare to be boarded. If you 
cooperate, you will be returned to your headquarters unharmed. If you do not, you will be 
punished. That is all.” I ended transmission. “Well, that was short.” “I like to keep it brief 
and businesslike addressing the enemy. That way nobody confuses me with the other 
pirates.” “That’s good.” “I intend to bring back the golden age of piracy, where pirates 
were strictly sea robbers, and they didn’t do any of that truly nasty stuff they did on land.” 
“That sure is nostalgic.” “Well, it’s one of my dreams. By the way, I really must 
compliment you on the way you used those laser cannons. My god, I’ve never seen anyone 
so good with a laser cannon.” “I wasn’t that good.” “Oh yes you were. Right?” 
“Right!” said the robots in unison. “They probably say that any time you say, ‘right?’.” 
“No!” “I’ll prove it. This crew is made up entirely of worthless slugs. Right?” “Right!” 
they all said. “See? I told you.” she said. “Okay... but you still were the best I’ve ever 
seen.” “Aw, you’re just saying that.” “No, I’m not. You really are the best.” She turned 
away and blushed. “Stop it... don’t we have some looting to do?” “Nah... the robots 
actually do the looting most of the time... I just go over the results.” “So, can’t we go 
somewhere... more aesthetically pleasing?” “Sure. How about Rigel? They have the most 
beautiful beaches in the galaxy.” “The beach? I didn’t expect that... but I did pack for 
everything. Let me go get my bag.” “Absolutely.” She walked off. One of the robots 
turned to me. “You sure seemed distracted during the looting. That’s one foxy babe you 
got there.” “Yeah...” I put my chin in my hand and leaned my elbow on the nav panel 
while looking out the forward bridge window. “She’s something, all right.” “No wonder 
you spoil her. Rigel, honestly...” “What’s wrong with Rigel?” “It’s so expensive!” “It’s 
a perfect place to go for just one day...” “Aw, you got your priorities messed up. Aren’t 
the documents more interesting than this female?” “Naw... I think the documents can 
wait.” “They might be real important. Better make sure you put the GPF prisoners in the 
cells a little, to cool their hands.” “All right. Incarcerate them until I get back. Inform them 
that it’s only temporary while the captain is out of the ship and that he should be back in 
about twelve hours. Don’t get them nervous. The last thing I want is for them to get 
nervous.” “Aye, aye, sir!” The robot walked away. Ryoko came back. “ Okay. I’m 
ready!” “Good. We’ll take an Iberian.” “What’s that?” “Star cruiser.” I led her to the 
docking bay where Iberian One was in the hold. It was almost too shiny to be real, and a 
deep crimson color. “That’s a pretty ship.” she said. “I happen to think so myself. Come 
on.” I led her down the gate and onto the bridge of the ship. I pressed a button while she 
sat down in the right seat. “This might be a little disconcerting.” I said. The ship undocked 
and flew out of Ship’s docking bay. “What’s it gonna doooooooooo-” The ship’s drive 
created an immense wormhole and the fabric of space-time bent in front of us as we were 
sucked in violently and spat out approaching New Britain. She was gripping the arm rests 
firmly and her eyes were quite wide. I was sitting back without much care. “That was some 
ride.” she said. “Yes, it always is.” A man popped up on the Heads Up Display. “SS 
Maligned Path, Rigel traffic control reads you. Begin your approach.” We were quickly 
near the planet. “You are cleared to land, Maligned Path. Welcome to New Britain.” We 
entered the atmosphere at an insane speed and started burning up. “We’re.... gonna... fry!” 
said Ryoko, a little distorted due to the ship’s violent shaking and vibrating. “No, not 
actually... this ship is designed to reduce heat stress...” Finally the ground came into view. 
“Hold on!” I said. The ship came to a sudden stop right on a white circular landing pad. “I 
feel sick...” she said. “Everyone does the first time they ride an Iberian. These things are 
the bomb!” “Quite literally...” I opened the door. “Ladies first.” I said. “I’m... too... 
sick... to move...” she said. “Fine, but another ship’s gonna be here in a few minutes, and 
unless you want to spend the rest of your day with me in the valet parking zone, I suggest 
you move.” She crawled towards me. I helped her up. “Sorry. But this is the smoothest 
ride I have.” “If that was smooth, I’d hate to see the others...” I helped her walk inside. 
“Come on... after you get some rest it’ll all be okay...” “I... hope... we can... fly back...” 
“Sure, sure. Whatever you want. I thought you’d enjoy it.” “Well, I didn’t.” She and I sat 
down on a bench. She bent down. “I’m gonna throw up...” “Sorry.” Half an hour later 
she was okay. “Right. The beach is right down that way.” “What about lodging?” “This 
should take care of that.” I held out a pill. “What’s that?” “Portable domicile. It’s actually 
quite spacious.” “This I have to see...” We took our bags, crossed the street, and I paid 
entrance to the beach and we found a clear patch of sand. I placed the pill on the ground and 
threw a water balloon at it from ten metres away. It expanded into an average-sized beach 
house. “Wow... that’s wonderful!” “Come on inside.” “This beach is really pretty.” 
“What’d I tell you? Most beautiful in the galaxy.” “Thanks. You really know how to treat 
a lady.” “No, just you.” “I don’t know what to say...” “Then don’t say anything.” I sat 
down on one of the couches and she went to change behind one of those privacy folding 
thingamajigs.  I picked up a National Geographic. It had a spy device in it. “Damn that 
Washu.” I said under my breath. “All I asked for was a frickin’ miniaturized house, but 
noooo... it has to be completely wired...” “What’d you say?” said Ryoko. “Nothing.” I 
quickly located all the spy devices in the house. I put tape over them. “You done yet?” I 
asked. “Yes.” She came out wearing a rather revealing blue bikini. “How do I look?” 
“Wonderful.” “Thanks.” She went out onto the deck. “You coming out?” she asked. 
“Just a minute.” I checked behind the privacy device thingy. There were several spy 
devices. I put tape over them too. 
	“Aw... I was just playing a joke...” said Washu. Her two hundred screens were 
getting a good picture of the sticky side of masking tape. “Surprising he discovered them 
all, though...” 
	I went outside.  Ryoko was leaning on the veranda.“What took you so long?” she 
asked. “Just checking the house for bugs.” I said. “You’re too paranoid. Find any?” 
“Nah. But you never know...” “Yeah... I wouldn’t be surprised if she did.” “It’s just 
about lunch time.” “Nah... I think I lost my appetite from the atmospheric entry.” “Look, 
I’m really sorry. I am. I thought you’d like it, but I guess I was wrong.” “No, I would 
normally enjoy it, but it’s the fact that I wasn’t expecting it that frightened me.” “Sorry.” 
“So... what was that thing you wanted to show me? You know... later tonight?” “I can’t 
tell you. You have to see it for yourself. It’s quite a show.” “Aw, come on...” I 
grinned.“No, I’m sorry. I’m not telling you. You’ll just have to wait.” “I hate waiting...” 
“You’ll be glad I didn’t tell you beforehand once you see it.” “You promise?” “I 
promise. Now... what do you want to do?” “I was thinking I’d lie down... doze off for a 
while...” “Good idea.” She laid down on a reclining chair and put her hands behind her 
head. I did the same on another. “There’s supposed to be some sort of Rigelian festival at 
just about dusk... want to go?” I asked.“Sounds fun. But I want to sleep now.” “You’ve 
done quite a bit of sleeping already.” “Only seven hours. That’s not enough.” “Have you 
had fun so far?” “Well, it could’ve been better...” “What should I do? What do you 
suggest?” “Right now I suggest letting me sleep.” “Okay. I hope the festival turns out to 
be more fun than this morning.” “I hope so too...” She yawned. “Okay... I’m going to 
sleep now.” She fell asleep, her body shining in the sun. “Sweet dreams... my love...” I 
said quietly. I soon dozed off as well, but not before setting my silent alarm clock. It was a 
device attached to the small bones of my ear that only I could hear. And turn off without 
smashing it. I woke up several hours later to an intense ringing and I swiped in vain to my 
left, hoping to hit the alarm clock. I suddenly remembered. I shut off the alarm clock 
psychically. I looked to my left. Ryoko was not there. “Hmm... I wonder where she could 
have gone.” I took out a pair of binoculars. I looked around. I turned on the IR scanner 
mode. Nobody was there, it seemed. Everyone was preparing for the festival. Suddenly my 
lenses went black. There were a few red thin lines where there were long gaps. It was two 
hands covering them. “Guess who?” Ryoko’s voice asked. “Ryoko?” I said. “Guess 
again.” I whirled around cocking a handgun and pointed it at whoever was behind me. She 
was standing right there laughing. “You’re so goddamn paranoid!” she said while 
laughing her head off. I put down the gun and threw it away, chuckling too. “Well, I can 
take a joke.” “I wish there were spy devices... that was hysterical! I wanted to get that on 
tape!” “It’s not very funny. What if I had been a bit more paranoid and fired without 
thinking?” “It’s not too difficult for me to block a bullet.” “I’m just worried... that’s 
all...” “Oh, don’t be... we’re having fun out here, aren’t we?” “I guess... but don’t scare 
me like that... I thought you’d been abducted again, or worse, killed...” “Sorry for making 
you worry, but... that was pretty funny!” “Okay, okay. So, seriously... what do you want to 
do?” She took a step toward me and put her hand on my chest. “Well, I can think of 
something...” “What would that be?” I asked slyly. “Want to go swimming?” I cut the 
sly grin off my face. “Sure...” I teleported over to the beachfront. She teleported right next 
to me. She said, “What’re you waiting for?” “You.” “Well, I’m here.” “I know.” I 
tested the water. It was quite tepid. “It’s perfect.” I said. She walked in. “You’re right... 
this is amazing...” “What’d I tell you? Rigel’s worth it.” “Oh, god... this is great...” I 
stepped in as well. “Watch the fish.” I said. She looked down. Carp-sized fish were 
swimming back and forth through the water in a large school a few metres away. “Wow... 
that’s a big school of fish.” “Once they found a school nearly a thousand square 
kilometres in area. They have a lot of fish.” “Wow...” She narrowed her eyes at me, turned 
the corners of her mouth up a little, and splashed me. “Aw, come on...” I said. I splashed 
back. She disappeared under the water. I stood there for a while. I looked around. I tried to 
sense where she was. I turned around. “Busted!” I said, and she appeared in back of me 
and hefted a great deal of water at me. I turned around, soaking wet. She disappeared. I 
sucked all the water within fifty square metres up into the sky. She was lying on the wet 
sand at the bottom, crawling slowly toward me. She noticed the water was gone. She looked 
around. “No fair!” she said, and I dropped it all on us. She stuck her head out of the 
recently dropped water and spat out some. “Ha ha... very funny...” she said. “What’s 
wrong?” “Nothing... it’s just that sea serpent behind you.” she said. I turned around. She 
splashed me. “Ha ha ha!” She ducked back into the water. “Oh, you’re dead meat!” I 
said. I went under the water. I looked around. I used sonar frequencies to locate her. She 
was currently sneaking up on my previous location. I decided to turn the tables and sneak 
up on her. I went behind her. She looked around but saw nothing as I had just cloaked. She 
stood up. The water came up to her neck. I grabbed her ankle and she gasped but started 
laughing again as she teleported into the sky with me and dropped me. She went back down 
and I fell like a stone into the water. She laughed her head off and I came out of the water, 
coughing and sputtering. “That was fun!” she said.“It sure was...” I looked at the 
horizon. It was near dusk. “Should be about time for the festival to start...” I looked at the 
boardwalk where it was going to be. There were people crowded around. “We should go.” 
“Already?” “We’re the only ones on the beach. I think it’s about time.” “All right...” 
She and I got out of the water and walked over to the boardwalk. “This is a really nice 
planet.” she said. “Yes, it certainly is. But it’s only nice to me when I have someone as 
captivating as you to be around.” “Thank you. Every other sentence you say something 
nicer than anyone else has ever said to me in my life.” I kept silent for a few seconds. “I 
wish I could make it every sentence... every word...” I said. “That’s one of them.” she 
said. I continued walking and she reached over tenderly and took my hand. I stopped and 
looked at her. She looked over to me and smiled. I smiled back and we continued walking. 
We arrived at the festival. There were many booths, but most of them were midway games 
no one could possibly win. I took a shot at the “ring around the bottle” game. The small 
prizes could be won by getting it around just one bottle. But the big prizes required the 
center red bottle. I paid a few dollars and took a ring that was juuust smaller than the bottle 
neck. I stretched it out with my hands. The person behind the counter stared at me as I 
tossed it and used my power to arrange it to bounce off the walls until it landed exactly 
around the center red bottle. The person looked quizzically at me. “Okay... I guess you 
win... take your pick.” I turned to Ryoko. “What do you want?” “Uh... that one.” she 
said, pointing at a large stuffed alligator. The person took it down. Ryoko looked it over. 
“Thanks.” she said to me. “No problem...” I turned to the person behind the counter. 
“And in case you were wondering, yes, I did use psychic powers.” I said, handing them a 
twenty. “Keep the change.” They smiled at me as I walked away. Ryoko looked at the 
stuffed alligator. “This is really nice of you...” “No problem. Let’s have dinner.” “What 
do they have?” “Only the best cuisine this side of Antares.” “Sounds good to me.” I led 
her to the outdoor dining section where she sat down at a table near the rail of the boardwalk 
facing the sunset. On every table was a vase in the centre with flowers from all over the 
galaxy. In the centre of the dining section there was a large open space where there were a 
bunch of people dancing to the music played by a band about twenty metres away. She 
looked over at the setting sun, while I went to the concession stand and came back with 
some fast food. “That’s cuisine?” she asked. “Well, if this isn’t, I don’t know what is.” 
“I hope it is.” She tried one of the french fries. Her face perked up. “This is good!” “I 
told you.” She ate all the food on her plate, and even some of mine that I didn’t eat fast 
enough within ten minutes. She wiped her mouth on a napkin and continued to sit there 
while I dumped out the trays and put them back. I came back to the table, looking at the 
flowers in the centre. I teleported to New Vegeta, still in my swim trunks, and picked a Tosa 
War Crocus up from a local florist’s in two seconds. I teleported back to the table. 
“Where’d you go?” she asked. I held up a stunningly beautiful red, white, and blue flower. 
“What... is that?” she asked. “This is a Tosa War Crocus. Legend has it that during the 
New Vegeta-Boltro war of 1999, a Boltroan, Plactocblocese, and a New Vegetan fighter 
were locked in deadly combat. They took each other down, screaming through the 
atmosphere, and all crashed in a heap as one. They left a hectametre-wide smoking crater in 
the middle of Plato national park.” “Plato?” “The smaller national park on the planet. We 
have two, Socrates and Plato. The legend says that the crater stayed there for a long time, 
barren as the desert of Scorpio. Then, miraculously, as soon as the war ended, thousands 
upon thousands of these flowers bloomed from the crater. They say that the red is Boltro’s 
blood, the blue Plactocbloc’s sweat,  and the white New Vegeta’s tears. Most say it’s the 
most beautiful flower in existence. I want you to have it.” “Wow... I don’t know what to 
say.... You amaze me every day.” “It’s hard not to.” “Not your power, but your kindness, 
your generosity, your deepest love for me... those things are what amaze me.” “Why, thank 
you.” “I definitely know I’ll keep this flower close to me.” She affixed it in her hair. 
“Thank you.” She looked at the dance floor where many were already dancing. The sun 
was getting dimmer and dimmer as it approached the horizon. “Do you want to dance?” I 
asked. “I’d love to.” she said, with a smile on her face. I took her hand while she stood up 
and we walked into the crowd. “I really don’t know how to dance...” she said. “Neither do 
I.” I said, and she laughed. “Come on, then... let’s dance.” She placed her hands on my 
shoulders and I placed mine on her hips. We danced for quite a while, and if it weren’t for 
the fact that we were floating about a millimetre above ground, we would have tripped or 
stepped on each other’s toes quite a lot. I gazed at her and she gazed back, with a look of 
being melted away. “Do you know how to tango?” I asked, as the band switched beats. 
“No... not really... but I think I can follow if you lead.” So we tangoed, we waltzed, we 
danced up a storm, and the crowd was quite interested, but all we saw was each other. 
Finally, the band finished as the sun was just showing its last ray. She and I teleported high 
into the sky as that last ray was inching its way over the horizon. “Thank you, Alex... that 
was wonderful...” “You’re very welcome, Ryoko.” She kissed me for nearly five minutes 
before we broke it, delicately, and I opened my eyes. She opened hers at exactly the same 
time. “Thank you for everything. I had a really great time today. I hope we can do this 
again sometime.” she said. “We’ve still got until midnight.” I said. “It’s midnight back in 
my universe. My day with you has come to an end.” “Aw, screw that.” “You’re right! 
Who the hell do I think I am, Cinderella?” We teleported into the beach house. For some 
reason, she was really tired. She fell asleep almost right away.
	The entire Masaki house was asleep... even Washu, who had gotten bored of 
watching the side of masking tape. She was asleep in her lab chair thingy. Tenchi was 
asleep in his room, and Sasami and Mihoshi were fast asleep as well. Noboyuki and Yosho 
were in theta brainwave patterns as well, and there was not a creature seen stirring. The sun 
eventually started peeking over the horizon.
	The sun was already nearly noon positioned, but Ryoko was still asleep. We had 
had quite a night. Her bare shoulders shone in the sunlight peeking through the window 
covered in floral-patterned window covers. I leaned over her and kissed her neck. She woke 
up slowly, blinking a few times. I got up. She closed her eyes again, stretched her neck, and 
said,“No, don’t stop... that’s a fine way to say good morning...” I returned to my previous 
actions. “Ah... that’s better.” she said with a sigh. “How... are you... this morning?” I 
said between licks.“Wonderful.” “I’m sorry... to say... I can’t... stay here... all day... I 
wish... I could...” “Why not?” “You remember... those documents... I stole?” “Yes...” 
“I have... to go... review them. ...They might... be important.” “Might be. I’m not about to 
bet you on a chance.” “Hold... on...” I picked up a holophone and dialed Ship’s number. 
A robot crewman responded. “Hey, cap’n!” he said in a pirate accent. “How’s things?” 
“Oh, same old. I have a question for you. Have you found anything in those documents 
yet?” “Yeah... they’re quite detailed, I’m afraid, on you...” “I hope they don’t say 
anything about my identity.” “No, sir... not yet... but we think they might. They do, 
however, detail your attacks on Boltroan ships as well as Galactic Police Force ships. I think 
they might have been petitioning for an alliance.” “Okay... keep me posted if anything 
comes up.”“WHERE ARE YOU?” asked Ship. “Uh...” I said.“Alex? Come back to 
bed.” Ryoko interrupted, quite loudly and unaware of my conversation.  The robot grinned. 
Ship would’ve too, had he been capable. “I SEE. SORRY TO HAVE BOTHERED 
YOU.” “Thanks, buddy.” “VERY WELCOME. COME BACK SOON.” I disconnected 
it. “Who did you call?” she asked. “They heard you, you know.” “Oh, who cares? I want 
the whole multiverse to know!” “Good. I feel the same way, but I wasn’t sure if you did.” 
“Well, now you know.” “I love you.” “I love you too.” I leaned over and kissed her 
shoulder, then moving to her neck, after which her face, and she looked up and grinned the 
whole time, feeling surges of ecstasy with each kiss. “It’s wonderful the way you make me 
feel.” she said. “Mmh.” I said, muffled against her radiant skin. The holophone rang. 
“Just leave it.” she said. “I can’t.” I said. “I’m sorry.” I picked it up. The robot saluted 
with a concerned look on his face. “Cap’n... you’d better get over here quickly... we have 
to stop all shipping from GPF to Boltro IMMEDIATELY!” “Why?” “THEY 
REVIEWED THE DOCUMENTS! GPF KNOWS WHO WE ARE!!!” yelled 
Ship.“You mean... knows where we’re stationed?” “NO! THEY KNOW WHO YOU 
ARE! AND THEY KNOW MY DOCKING POINT!” “Calm down! Have they told 
Boltro yet?” “NO! THAT’S WHAT THE DOCUMENTS WERE!” “Don’t yell so 
loud.” “I THINK SAVING YOUR PLANET IS A LITTLE MORE IMPORTANT 
THAN PURSUING YOUR SEXUAL ESCAPADES!” “Hey... she almost convinced me 
not to pick up. So bug off!” “GET OVER HERE, YOU INSOLENT PRICK! DO YOU 
WANT US ALL TO DIE?” Ship and the robot were both yelling now. I turned around. 
“Ryoko... I’m so sorry... I have to go. Just wait right here. I’ll come back. I promise.” She 
pushed herself up on her hands, looking at me with that sad face I couldn’t stand.“You 
promise?” “Absolutely.” “How long will you be gone?” “Fifteen minutes at the most.” 
“Okay... but come back soon, or I might just leave.” She kissed me briefly, and lay back 
down, looking up, slightly annoyed. I put on a sweatshirt and some pants and teleported to 
Ship. “It’s about time!” yelled the robot. “Hold on...” I said. I took out a doppelganger 
and used it to create a dual image of myself, which I dressed in Evergreen Cortex garb and 
took a picture. “That should take care of it.” “Cap’n... there are all kinds of photographic 
tricks...” “Well, we don’t have to waste time with all those stupid space battles.” 
“THAT’S MORE LIKE IT.” Ship said. “Hold it...” I waved my hand and every GPF 
ship was robbed of its cargo and RandomSpace capabilities, as well as comms, and the crew 
was transported back to GPF HQ. I then programmed the Boltroan guns to fire on GPF 
ships, and then I erased the memory of every GPF official who had actually seen the 
documents. There was effectively no one left who remembered. A droid turned to me and 
whispered in my ear. “Just yell surprise in three seconds.” I did. I was joined by the entire 
crew as we yelled “SURPRISE!” at Ship’s microphone ports. Ship was thrown a few 
metres off course, and then recoiled. “AW, YOU GUYS... I TOTALLY FORGOT IT 
WAS MY BIRTHDAY...” I teleported back to the beach house. Ryoko lay on her side, 
spread out on the bed. “Back so soon, lover boy?” She wore the very same blue bikini. 
“I’ve been waiting for you...” “Look, Ryoko... I...” “Come here...” I had no choice but 
to obey. “You’re not getting away from me this time...” she said, and licked my chin. 
“Look... Ryoko...” “Shut up and kiss me.” I complied. She jerked my head back half a 
minute later. “That was good...” “I have to go to the bathroom.” I said. “Aw... come 
back!” I ran into the bathroom and teleported back to Ship. “HEY! ALEX! WHASSUP?” 
“Not much... listen, Ship, surely you’d understand... I only need fifteen minutes...” “BUT 
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY, DUDE! YOU WON’T EVEN STAY JUST BECAUSE OF THAT 
FEMALE?” “Dammit, Ship... you’ve forced me to... I don’t usually like to do this, but... 
here goes...” An entire copy of me sprung out noncorporeally and then entered the world of 
the real. “I’ll choose love, baby.” My other I said to myself across the room. I looked at 
the other me with a quizzical look. Of course, we’d both have our memories fused when we 
combined again. I teleported into the bedroom with Ryoko while I partied with Ship. 
	Ryoko moaned in ecstasy as I licked her throat. “That’s good... don’t stop...” she 
said. “It feels... nice when... you speak...” I remarked between licks. She hummed at a 
steady pace just to satisfy me. I then moved on to the rest of her neck, then to her cheek, and 
finally to her ear. “I thought this was what I did to you...” she said. “I don’t care.” I said 
softly. She smiled and flipped me over onto my back. She looked at me and chuckled. “Try 
to get away.” “But I don’t want to...” “Just try it. It’ll be fun.” I tried weakly to escape to 
the other side of the bed. She held my shoulders down as I struggled and kissed me. I 
stopped resisting to return the kiss with equal force. She broke it, saying, “I liked that. And 
I can see you liked it too.” “Yeah, I guess you’re right...” “So... what was this thing you 
wanted to show me?” “You still want to see it?” “Yes.” “Come on. But put some clothes 
on first, it might be frosty.” “Okay.” She changed while I went into the bathroom and 
conjured a tremendously powerful flashlight out of nowhere. She walked into the bathroom 
and tapped me on the shoulder. “I’m ready.” “Hold on.” I said. I held her and we 
teleported into a pitch-dark place. Water dripping could be heard. “Where is this?” she 
asked, and it echoed many times. “This is under New Vegeta’s surface. It’s the ocean 
underneath. The minerals here have caked onto the pillars. Each one produces an entirely 
different spectrum and light diffraction. Here goes.” I turned on the mega-flashlight and the 
entire cavern lit up with rainbow colours, light fractions, high beams, low beams, and all 
kinds of beautiful light. “This amazes me every time I see it.” I said. She just looked and 
gasped in awe. We stood there for ten whole minutes, a teeny couple on a big land mass, 
just a teeny land mass under a gigantic pillar that was still just a teeny little pillar in a vast 
network of pillars that stretched for hundreds of thousands of kilometres each way, still just 
a teeny little network compared to the planet, just a tiny little speck in the Tosa system, only 
a dot in the Poitxog galaxy, just a puny point in the entire observable universe, only a small 
speck in the entire grand multiverse that is the cosmos, which still was only a tiny part of the 
vast interdimensional plane, which still wasn’t the grandest picture of them all, but you 
wouldn’t be able to comprehend further. The picture zoomed in on us again, and she was 
still looking at the dazzling light show in awe. And yet, even though we were only a tiny 
little speck in this great big universe, the entire interdimensional plane only took second 
place to the grand expanse of the emotion that we felt towards one another. She and I 
wished to be as close as possible. We felt really close now, in the cavern. “It’s so 
beautiful...” she finally said. “You like it?” “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in 
my life.” “I knew you’d like it. Now take this and multiply it a quadrillion times.” “Oh... 
that’s hard...” “That’s still not as beautiful as you.” “Now I understand...” She faced me. 
“Oh, Alex... hold me...” I complied. “I love you.” I said. “I love you too.” 
	The robots were having a karaoke contest on board Ship. Several robots were up 
there singing “Who Let the Dogs Out” and I lit some firecrackers and hucked them up 
into the air. “YOU GUYS ARE REALLY SWELL...” Ship said. “I EVEN FORGOT MY 
BIRTHDAY...” “No problem, Ship. We’re your buddies. We’re supposed to remember.” 
“THANK YOU. BUT THAT SCARED ME WHEN YOU SAID THAT GPF KNEW 
WHO WE WERE.” “Sorry. It was the only way we could get the cap’n away from that 
female without giving our surprise party away.” said a robot. “SO ALEX WAS NOT IN 
ON THIS?” “I thought he would be the leader of the committee... but I guess he never 
checked his calendar.” “Yeah, Ship. I know your birthday. Sorry, I just didn’t know it was 
your birthday.” “THAT’S FINE. SHE MUST BE A REAL FOX TO MAKE YOU 
FORGET.” “Tell me about it...” “HOW CAN I? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO-” “Ship, 
remember what I told you about idioms?” “OH, THAT’S ONE. I SEE. WHAT IS IT 
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?” “A statement of acknowledgment and agreement.” “I SEE.” 
“Anyway, happy birthday.” “THANKS.” Suddenly, the karaoke stopped. The lights 
dimmed, and a gigantic cake was rolled in. It had exactly 406,237 candles on it. One for 
each mechanical cycle, rather than year. Of course, last year it had only two hundred 
thousand. We only celebrated its annual birthdays, but counted Ship’s mechanical cycles on 
the cake.” “THANKS, YOU GUYS...” “Check out your presents.” There were forty-
nine. A wind swept from the ventilation systems and blew out all the candles. Everyone 
cheered. “FORTY-NINE... BUT THERE ARE ONLY FORTY-SEVEN DROID 
SECTIONS, AND ONE FROM THE CAPTAIN...” “That’s strange.” I looked at the 
odd present out. It was shaking slightly. “TGGSITU” was written on it. I opened it. Inside 
was a glass tank with some Masses in it, as well as an instruction manual. “The Greatest 
Genius Scientist In The Universe... Ship! You got your wish!” “WHAT WISH?” I let the 
masses out and they immediately absorbed themselves with Ship. Ship docked and the 
entire crew as well as me got out. Ship turned into a small black bunny-cat thing. “Oh, 
great... not one of these...” “WHASSUUUUP?!” “Oh! You can speak!” “Yeah. This is 
cool!” Ship changed into a human form. He walked around quite clumsily. “Cool. C-oo-l. 
Cool.” “What?” “I love having a mouth. M-outh. Just saying the sou-ounds and talk-
alking, instead of synthesizing-izing all my language.” “Well, don’t play around with the 
words.” He tripped over his feet and fell face-down on the floor. “Now that you’re 
humanoid,” I said, helping him up, “do you still want to be called Ship?” “Why not-ot.” 
“Okay.” “Okay. O. Kay. I like not talking in all capitapitals any more.” “Good.”
	Ryoko and I teleported to the surface, locked in a passionate kiss. I was still 
completely unaware of the situation with the other me back in Tosa. We arrived at the RV, 
near the portal. She looked at me. “Thank you for everything...” she said. “I had a 
wonderful time.” “You’re welcome.” She kissed me one last time, and waved as she 
stepped into the portal. “Bye...” I teleported back to myself and we fused again. 
	Ryoko stepped forth from the portal. She felt quite happy. “Oh, he’s something.” 
she said, looking up at the sky, and nearly teleported before seeing a flash of red hair.“And 
just where have you been?” asked Washu. “None of your business.” she said, quickly 
looking down at her mother. “I think I have a good idea of where you’ve been...” “I hope 
you weren’t spying on us.” “Of course not! How could you accuse me of spying on you 
two?” “Plenty of ways. Like this, for example.” She took out a crab-shaped button that 
she’d found earlier on the back of her shirt, that wasn’t supposed to be there. “That’s your 
logo. And on the back is some sort of microphone. How do you explain this?” “It must 
have gotten mixed in the wash or something.” Ryoko narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, right! 
You’ve been spying!” “No! Honestly! I haven’t!” “Listen, I may be your daughter, but 
that still doesn’t give you the right to go spying in on my life! I’m not even gonna talk to 
you.” She teleported inside the house. Washu was left alone, and she was a little 
disappointed that her devices had been discovered. Alex was probably going to have a fit 
when he went into this universe next, too... She brought up her holographic laptop. “To-do 
number 1022: Research atomic counterintelligence devices.” She put it away and walked 
back towards the house, chuckling to herself about the fact that there was one less to 
compete with for Tenchi.
	I cloaked and followed into the portal that night. I teleported into Washu’s lab. The 
alarms went off. “Sh**!” I said. Several arms shot out and immobilized me while I was 
unaware. I was knocked out. When I awoke, I was staring at the ceiling on some sort of 
rotating metal board. My vision was blurred. I tried to bust out, but it was to no avail. 
Something was holding me in a contained magnetic field, and as hard as I tried to think of a 
way out, there was none. “Is he awake?”“I don’t think so.” “What are you going to do to 
him?” “Oh, well, quite a number of tests, actually... I never got a chance to catch him... if I 
had thought it was as simple as catching him unaware, I would have got him sooner. I had 
no idea he usually kept his power in check and in logic... but, who would have?” “This 
should be interesting.” “Yes... he’s more powerful even than you, Tokimi, so he must have 
quite a source...” I opened my mouth weakly. “What is this?” I asked. “Ah. You’re 
awake.” The board rotated and I saw Tsunami, Washu, and Tokimi standing there. “Oh, 
dear.” “No need to be afraid. I just want to run some tests.” said Washu. “Will it hurt?” I 
asked. “Probably.” she said, stepping over to the side of the machine. “Oh, great.” I 
suddenly noticed that I was freezing. I looked down and noticed I was stripped down to my 
pair of shorts. “Was it necessary that I had to be half-naked?” “Absolutely. You have to 
understand that these tests are mostly medical.” “And conscious at the same time?” 
“That’s the reason I was able to catch you in the first place. You need to focus your power 
before you can use it.” “Oh. I know that.” “Well, I want to determine the extent and exact 
nature of this power.” “Well, go ahead... I won’t stop you.” The tests were long and 
painful, and most of them were inconclusive. “Well, that was fruitless.” Washu said. “I 
hope we can find out the exact nature of his power soon...” said Tokimi. “He bested me in 
combat. That’s power.” “Look, I can explain, but in case you’re wondering, here’s a 
different perspective on it all.” I said. “We’re listening.” said Tsunami. I opened my 
mouth and took a deep breath, saying:
	“Everybody lives on a street in a city or a village or a town for what it’s worth,
and this city is a part of a country on a continent that sits upon a planet known as Earth,
and the Earth is a ball made of oceans and some mountains that is out there spinning 
silently in space,
and living on this Earth are all the plants and the animals and also the entire human race!
It’s a great big universe
And we’re all really puny
We’re just tiny little specks
About the size of Mickey Rooney.”
	“Who?” “Never mind.”
“It’s big and black and inky,
and we’re all small and dinky,
It’s a big universe and we’re not!
The Earth is just one of the planets in a system stretching seven hundred billion miles long,
with nine planets and a sun, we think that Earth’s the only one that has life on it although we 
could be wrong,
And in the interstellar void are a billion asteroids, including meteors and Halley’s Comet 
too,
And there’s over fifty moons floating out there like balloons in this panoramic trillion-mile 
view!
But still it’s just a speck amid a hundred billion stars in our galaxy we call the Milky Way,
It’s 60,000 trillion miles from one end to the other, and still that’s just a fraction of the way,
‘Cause there’s a hundred billion galaxies we can see from the sky next to constellations, 
planets, moons and stars,
And the universe extends to a place that never ends, which is maybe just inside a little jar!
It’s a great big universe
And we’re all really puny
We’re just tiny little specks
About the size of Mickey Rooney
Though we don’t know how we got here
We’re not born too proud here
It’s a big universe and it’s ours!”
	“Wow... that sure puts things in perspective.” said Tokimi. “Hey, Tokimi... why 
do you always have those big black shadowy cloaked guys surrounding you?” Tokimi 
looked around herself. “I really don’t know.” she said. “Ah. I thought not. Why don’t 
you ask them?” She turned to one of them. “Why do you guys follow me around?” she 
asked. It just stood there. It turned to her. It didn’t say anything, and turned back. “Maybe 
they’re a sort of twisted bodyguard.” I suggested. One of them turned to me and its face 
emitted an intense beam of light, revealing itself to be a form incomprehensible to mortals. 
Washu, Tsunami, and Tokimi expected me to be at least a bit frightened by now. They 
turned to face me. I was making shadow puppets. “Hey, black-cloaked guy! Look! It’s a 
duck!” It was not amused. Of course, it was probably incapable of amusement. All three of 
them made that sweatdrop on their face. “What? It’s a good duck.” I said. I turned to face 
my shadow. I made a doggie. “Woof! Woof!” I said. The big black shadowy guy turned 
back to its original position. Tokimi’s ambassador guy stared at me. “Look, as reigning 
sovereign of this universe, I command you to quit bugging those shadowy guys!” “I don’t 
remember voting for you.” “It’s a matter of power balance!” “How’d you become 
sovereign, then?” “No, you’re not getting me started on this Monty Python thing, like you 
did the emperor of Jurai.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you roll your eyes at me!” “Can I get 
out of the magnetic coil now?” I asked. “Certainly.” said Washu, and she released the 
clamps. “Have a nice day!” said Tsunami as I teleported out of the lab and the three 
goddesses sat down for a long discussion.
	“Heh heh heh... they’re probably discussing how to assassinate me... they actually 
think it’s that simple to get past my power? Good decoy of mine... but I hope they aren’t, 
because then I’ll have to hurt them...” “Who are you talking about?” asked Ryoko. 
“Ryoko! I was looking for you.” “Hi!” I smiled. “Long time no see.” “Not really... 
several hours...” she said. “Well, it was a long time to have painful experiments done on 
me.” “Did my mom do that?” “Who else could it have been?” “Oh, sorry... where does 
it hurt?” “Never mind... I can take it.” “I don’t want you to be a strong stoic... I want you 
to be my cuddle muffin... now let me make it better...” “No, seriously...” She began 
kissing my neck. “Does it hurt there?” she asked. “I really don’t think this is a good 
place...” I said. “What? Nobody’s going to watch.” “I wouldn’t bet on that.” “Are you 
afraid my mean mother is going to spy on us again?” “It’s hard for anyone not to notice 
with us being in the middle of the hallway.” “Who cares?” “It’s inappropriate... besides, 
I’m really not in the mood right now.” “Why not?” “There are three near-omnipotent 
goddesses who are in there right now discussing my power and its potential threats.” “I 
don’t want them to hurt us...” “Nobody is going to even come near you with bad 
intentions. I promise.” “I’m kind of scared, though, still... because what if they find a way 
to keep your power in check?” “They already think they have... I tricked them into 
believing it.” “Okay... but why am I worried about myself? It’s you that’s in trouble! I 
don’t want to lose you!” “They can’t hurt me. Don’t worry. Just be happy. Now let me go 
change.” “Don’t go too long...” 
	“I really don’t know. He seems like a very nice, emphatic, and cultural young man 
with a lot of ambitions...” Tsunami said.“If you’ll care to notice, so was Adolf Hitler until 
he was rejected for the art school. As was Alexander the Great before he conquered most of 
Eurasia.” said Washu. “Don’t insult him! I know! He changed my life for the better and 
taught me lessons about morality and caring.” said Tokimi. “He’s a good person. I know 
it.” “True. But weren’t you as well, just a bit ‘misguided’ as he put it?” said Washu. 
“You nearly killed us all.” Tokimi objected, saying,“He was the one who turned me from 
it! How can a person like that who leads the misguided back on track become misguided 
himself?” Tsunami interjected, saying, “I think we should just stop worrying. If he actually 
does anything, we know what to do. Besides, your daughter would be upset.” “Yes, I’ve 
seen those two have become quite attached.” said Washu. “See? See what I mean? If he’s 
capable of love, he can’t turn on the world.” said Tokimi. “Tsunami’s right, Tokimi. We 
should just drop it.” “Well, I’m off.” said Tsunami. “Me too.” Tokimi agreed. They both 
were about to teleport when I teleported in and pointed to a bag of Bachman pretzels I had 
in my hand. “How the hell can pretzels be a ‘good source of calcium’? Jesus, they say 
everything’s a good source of calcium today! A year ago, calcium would have been a joke! 
But no, now the news talks about calcium deprivation, so all the food bags put ‘a good 
source of calcium’ even if it has a picogram of calcium in it, because ‘a good source’ is a 
relative statement!” They all looked at me, smiling somewhat. “I really have no idea... your 
analysis of the media’s representation of the current need for calcium is 100% correct.” 
said Washu. “You’re a funny person.” said Tsunami. She and Tokimi finished their 
teleportation while I floated towards Washu. “What do you want?” she asked. “Can I have 
my clothes back?” I asked. “Oh, right... certainly.” She handed me back my clothes. I put 
them on and teleported back outside the lab. Washu opened the door and stuck her head 
out, quite indignant. “Instead of bypassing my security systems, why don’t you just use the 
door?” she asked. “I have to change the passwords every time you do that!” “Sorry. I’ll 
remember next time.” She went back in. I scratched my head, for no reason at all, really. I 
put on some infrared goggles. I located the heat signatures of everyone in the household. 
Suddenly, I felt a tap on my back. Ryoko had managed to sneak up on me. She put her 
arms around me from behind. “I missed you...” “I was only gone for ten seconds.” “I 
don’t care.” “Nice to know that.” “Take those goggles off. You look creepy.” I took 
them off. “Do I? I was only looking for you.” “Well, you look much better with them off. 
And by the way... you’re it.” She patted me quite hard on the shoulder before flying off, 
laughing. I teleported right in front of her, tagging her and teleporting again, cloaking this 
time, but not without making sure I was marginally visible. She quickly spotted my semi-
invisible, albeit transparent, form hiding in the corner and tagged me. Our game of tag 
continued for quite a while, but it finally ended when we both barged in on Washu’s 
laboratory quite accidentally, as she had just tagged me quite unexpectedly forcefully and 
we were both sent tumbling through the door. “You’re it.” she said. “No, you both are.” 
said Washu, looming over our faces. “Sorry.” “SORRY? You just unplugged an electrical 
cord leading to an antimatter containment chamber!” “Meaning what?” asked Ryoko. 
“Meaning that you effectively unleashed a force that could destroy the galaxy!” “Should I 
plug it back in?” I asked. “No, you imbecile! We have to go contain it again!” “If you 
don’t mind me asking, what’s so interesting about containing antimatter in the first place? 
Why would a genius scientist like you concern yourself with such a mundane experimental 
substance such as antimatter?” “Just help me contain it.” I waved my hand and the 
antimatter was back in its cage with the cord plugged in. “There. All fixed.” “Good. Now 
don’t barge in like that again. I can’t work if people keep interrupting me.” “Like he said 
before, why do you need to study antimatter?” “I think it’s cool. Would you like to review 
some of its applications?” Two desks popped up under us. “Not this again...” said Ryoko. 
“Again?” “Just don’t get a question wrong. Trust me. It’s painful.” “Ahem... settle 
down, class...” I raised my hand. “Yes?” “If you don’t mind me saying so, what is the 
point of this?” A statue dropped on my head. “That is not supposed to be asked of the 
professor!” Washu said. I turned to Ryoko. “I see...” I looked up at the statue on my 
head. “You just spent a lot of time making them as big and ugly as possible, didn’t you?” 
“Yes, I’m quite proud.” She went into a detailed explanation of antimatter. “Elementary.” 
I said to myself. Another larger statue dropped on my head. “Do not insult the 
curriculum!” “If you wanted to teach so much, why didn’t you become a teacher?” 
Another thrice-as-large statue dropped on my head. “Let’s proceed with the lecture!” 
“Let’s not! This is no school!” Another even larger statue dropped on my head. “Insolent 
students will not be tolerated.” “I could give you lessons on antimatter! First of all, what is 
the point of saying all this stuff about antimatter when this is all second-grade learning 
material! That’s right! I learned this in second grade! And not only that-” Increasingly 
larger statues were continually dropping on my head. I was on the verge of shouting. “I 
think there is nothing left to say about antimatter.” she said. “You should have kept your 
mouth shut.” said Ryoko. The statue on my head was as large as the entire Masaki 
household. I tried to take it off. It stuck. “Ionic bonding... how clever...” “Thanks! It’s a 
new design of mine. Keeps ‘em on for a good fifteen hours and doesn’t... take...” I was 
burning away the ions and finally hefted the statue off of my head and back into its statue 
duct, willing the gates closed. “We should get out of here.” said Ryoko. “Sorry to have 
bothered you.” I said. Washu waved goodbye as Ryoko and I stepped out the door. 
“Now... I think we should quit the tag for a while and move on to something a little more 
fulfilling... eh?” she said, winking. “A catapult firing range?” I suggested. “Do I have to 
spell it out for you?” “No, I was only joking. I know perfectly well what you mean.” She 
grabbed me and I pressed her softly up against the wall. “Oh... I thought you didn’t like 
doing this in public...” “I’ve decided I should be a little more spontaneous.” “Oh, you 
poor lasciviciously deprived person. I love it when you get all frisky... ooh, that’s nice.” she 
said as I began kissing her shoulder and slowly slipping her sleeve off. She began to lick 
my ear. Suddenly, we were interrupted by Aeka coming down the stairs and seeing us. 
“Please try to abstain from that until nightfall.” she said drowsily and walked past us. We 
paid no attention. “I love it when we piss everyone else off.” she said. “On the contrary, 
your mother’s probably getting a kick out of this.” I said, muffled. “Whatever. Don’t 
stop.” “I’ll try not t-” She slapped the back of my head playfully in the middle of my 
apology. “I said don’t stop! How many meanings does that have?” “Sorry.” “Don’t 
apologize. Just keep doing what you were doing.” “You sound like-” “Okay, now I’m 
getting mad.” I quickly returned to my previous actions. She closed her eyes and sighed. 
“That’s more like it.” She returned to licking my ear. She began to unfasten her blouse 
when Aeka looked in on us and yelled, “Get a motel room or something, you two! Nobody 
wants to see that in here!” “Get lost.” said Ryoko, turning to her rival. “You get lost! This 
isn’t your house!” Ryoko quickly straightened her blouse and shoved me back. “I know 
that. But that still doesn’t make it yours.” “Well, in any case, lecherous activity like yours 
cannot be tolerated here! You should know that as well, even being the poor socially 
deprived being you are!” “Socially deprived? You’re the one with a superiority complex.” 
“Superiority complex?” “It means you think you’re better than everyone else, and if you 
were smart you’d know that!” “I know what a superiority complex is, and I was 
expressing my shock at your accusation, because I clearly don’t think I’m better than 
everyone else, just you!” “Excuse me... I think Aeka has the clearer original argument 
here.” I said. “Traitor!” Ryoko turned angrily to me. “See? Even he thinks I’m right.” 
“I’m not taking sides, but she’s right, I didn’t intend anyone to object to our amorous 
activity.” “Well, you should have! You expect nobody to notice you two doing that in the 
hallway?” “I expected nobody to care. I have found out that people do, hence I believe it’s 
only right for us to continue somewhere else. You can agree to that, right?” Ryoko faced 
me, dejected. “But you said you were being spontaneous today...” “Sorry... but I didn’t 
know it would hurt other people’s feelings. I really don’t want to do this at the expense of 
others.” “Who cares about others? We’re the only two people in our little world.” “Not 
quite. Love is no reason to give up empathy for anyone else.” “Where do you crank out 
these proverbs, in your head?” “Yeah. Why?” “A little proverb factory must be working 
day and night. When I try to think of a proverb, all that comes to me are things like don’t 
shit where you eat or stay away from power lines when you fly.” “All good things. But 
that being said, let’s find somewhere warm and cozy.” “Yeah... and away from her 
screechy voice.” “What did you say?” “You heard me.” I grabbed her hand and 
teleported out of there right before Aeka made those funky logs. “Ooh, nice and cheerful... 
really, Alex...” I looked around. We were on the surface of Pluto again. “Sorry. I was only 
thinking of getting you out of danger.” “I would have whooped her good, if you hadn’t...” 
I teleported us to a recently made by my will log cabin. “Now this is cozy.” she said. 
“And a perfect place for us...” I added. She faced me and looked up, pointing her index 
finger at her chin and touching it. “Where were we?” “I believe I was doing this.” I said, 
and I began where I left off. “Aaaaaaahhh... now I remember...”She began to unfasten her 
blouse again. She stopped as I began to lick her neck, and she moaned. “Ohhhhh... stop 
teasing... ooh...” “Don’t you like being teased?” “Yes and no. I mean... ahhh... what 
you’re doing feels gooooood... but not as good as it could feel... oooooooohhh...” Her 
eyes were closed. “Where would you like me to attend to?” “That’s oooh.... a tough 
ahhhh... choice... oh, god... I want you to make love to me... here... on that bed...” “There’s 
really not much I can say to that... except most certainly.” She sat down on the bed and 
pulled me down, and I kissed her passionately.
	And now for something completely different...
	KAGATO WAS A BEATNIK
First of all, he was concerned about the size of humans compared to the universe.
Also, he wore those teeny tiny little coffee house sunglasses.
Not only that, he had a giant organ he played all the time.
But mostly it was the sunglasses.
	KAGATO WAS A BEATNIK
	We now return to the sappy emotional scenes...
	We lay in bed, not really saying anything, but looking at the ceiling. I looked at her 
supine figure. She stared at the roof, not really noticing me. A small stream of tears ran 
down her face. I brushed them away. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “I’ve waited so long for 
that... your kiss, your touch. Every single movement you made, your skin brushing against 
mine, your breathing, even your blinking filled me with ecstasy. It was beautiful...” “But 
when you make that face, when you cry like that...” A small tear ran down my face as well. 
“It makes me sad too...” She turned over and looked at me.“Don’t be. These are tears of 
joy.” She reached towards me and brushed away my tear.  “You make me so happy, and I 
don’t give you anything in return...” she said. “Seeing you happy is my reward. If you’re 
happy, I’m happy. If you’re not, I’m not. It’s as simple as that. They are indeed correllated. 
The former being the X and the latter Y.” “What?” “Y being the dependent variable as 
always. That was my metaphor.” “I still don’t understand you. But I’m sure whatever you 
said was with all your heart, and that makes me happy.” “Which leads to me being happy 
as well.” “I love what you do for me... you’re so nice to me... why am I so special?” 
“You’re beautiful, you’re outgoing, you’re sensitive, you’re my muse... what can I say?” 
“Thank you...” She reached over and we started caressing each other again. 
	Washu had had her screens turned off since the beginning of our canoodling. “I 
may be a scientist, but I’m not that rude.” she said, to nobody in particular. “Still, I can’t 
help but monitor them, if not by voyeuristic means...” She secretly retained her telepathic 
link to her daughter, and henceforth monitored us in secret. She also felt the incredible 
waves of passion her daughter was feeling right now. “Oh, that’s nice. I could really get 
into this...” she said, closing her eyes. “What are you doing, Little Washu?” asked an 
inquiring Mihoshi. Washu didn’t even care that she was in her laboratory. “Go somewhere 
else...” she said. Mihoshi obeyed and went somewhere else in the laboratory, eventually 
finding her way into the integral conduits of the reactor. Washu didn’t notice. 
	We slept, after the second time, and our sticky, sweaty hair entangled while we 
slumbered in each other’s arms. The morning came, and Ryoko awoke, but she was 
reluctant to give up that exhilirating feeling of her own naked skin against the bedsheets, 
next to her lover. She pretended to herself to still be asleep. I woke up soon afterward. Her 
heart leapt with joy at the sound of me getting up, for in my eyes, she was still asleep. I 
leaned over her face. “Ryoko...” She got up, slowly, delicately, carefully. “Good 
morning.” I said. She lay back down on the bed. She looked up at me. “I just want to sleep 
next to you a little longer.” she said. “So be it.” I said, smiling at her. She smiled back and 
kissed me. I got back under the sheets. She reached over and put her arms around me again. 
We slept for several more hours. I got up eventually, and got dressed. I gently woke her up 
and she dressed. I held her hand while we teleported back to the Masaki house. “That was 
wonderful...” she said, her eyes sparkling. “I thought so too.” I said, gazing back at her. 
She kissed me one last time and disappeared into the household. I, on the other hand, sat 
down for a few minutes reflecting the time we had spent together. I then did something 
completely different, teleporting to a steel chamber I had just created with my mind. 
	Kagato awoke slowly in the steel cell. “I’m... alive...” he remarked. “But that 
boy... he killed me before... what happened?” He used his telepathic link with Soja. No 
response! That’s impossible, unless- Soja’s been destroyed... “Where am I?” He looked 
around. It was some sort of prison cell, with a bed he was on attached to the wall with 
chains, a toilet, a sink, and most importantly a barred door. “No window... I can’t see where 
I am... and if this is a prison of sorts, why do I still have my glasses and regular clothes 
on...? Something strange is going on here.” He stood up. “Hello? Is anyone there?” he 
shouted. I walked over. “Good morning.” I said, in a monotone voice. “You’re the one 
who killed me... what’s going on here?” “I’ve decided to resurrect you.” “Why?” “I 
wanted to talk to you.” “Is that the only reason?” “Yes.” “So... I suppose you’ll kill me 
again afterward?” “No, I should think not. Not unless you give me a reason to. Think of it 
as a sort of ‘second chance’.” “What do you want from me?” “I just want to hear your 
side of the story.” “I want to leave. And I’m going to whether you like it or not.” He 
formed a green energy sabre. I formed one too. “Don’t try it. Those bars are made of lead-
coated Lawrencium.” He tried to slice through and only succeeded in chipping off some of 
the lead, and stopping. He retracted his sword and left a green glowing mark where the 
Lawrencium was exposed. “Isn’t that highly radioactive?” he asked. “Ah, you’re not as 
dull as I thought.” “Dull? Don’t joke.” “You were dull enough to think you could turn on 
Washu and steal Soja as well as Ryoko and Ryo-ohki without getting caught.” “It took 
them over seven hundred years to catch me!” “But they did. Or, more specifically, I did.” 
A flash of red swept through my eyes. “And I don’t appreciate the fact that you forced 
Ryoko and Ryo-ohki to do your bidding against their will, either.” “They were easily 
tampered with. How defective.” “Did you know that while you were dead, Tenchi learned 
to summon the wings of the light hawk? And if I hadn’t fragged you first, he probably 
would have. So even if you do escape me, you’ve still got yet another person out for your 
death. Now will you be civil enough to sit down and talk, or do I have to go and correct my 
mistake of bringing you back from the dead in the first place?” “Sorry. I guess that was 
rather rude of me. After all, you’re much more powerful than me... I can see that...” 
“Good. Now if you’ll just hold still for a moment... Azaka? Kamidake?” The guardians 
appeared at my side. “Hi. Could you two do me a slight favor?” “Sure. No problem.” 
said Azaka. “Now what is it you--” They turned to Kagato. “OH MY GOD!” they both 
screeched. “I understand you have some sort of restraining devices in your arsenal?” I 
asked. “No need. I’m perfectly willing to have a civil discussion.” said Kagato. “Sorry to 
bother you. See you later.” I said. “Here’s a little compensation for your troubles.” I 
slipped them both some money. “Pleasure doing business with you.” they both said. 
“Thanks. There’s plenty more where that came from.” They disappeared. “Now let me out 
of this cell!” “Temper, temper. What’s the magic word?” “You said you’d treat me 
civilly!” “This is called being polite. If you want to not end up back in Tartarus, you had 
better listen to me.” Ryoko suddenly appeared in front of me. “There you are. I’ve been 
looking all over for you.” She rubbed a finger on my chest. “I thought she was attached to 
that Tenchi person.” Ryoko froze. “That voice... it couldn’t be...” She turned around and 
screamed. “What the hell is he doing here?” “Calm down.” “I WILL NOT CALM 
DOWN! I demand to know what the hell you think you’re trying to pull here! Is this what 
you’ve been doing the whole time you haven’t been with me? Consorting with this guy?” 
“Now hold on a minute. I understand your desire for revenge, but...” She suddenly looked 
sweetly at me. “Oh, you brought him back so I could have my revenge on him?” “No, I 
think he deserves some rehabilitation.” “REHABILITATION!” she screamed, suddenly 
reverting back to her angry face. “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT HE DID TO 
ME?” “Right, that’s another thing. Kagato, apologize.” “What?” “Apologize to this 
woman.” “Sorry.” “And MEAN it.” “I did.” “Beg her forgiveness.” “WHAT?” “You 
do want to live, right? I could simply flick my wrist and it’d all be over.” He looked 
frightened. He got down on his knees. “Will you ever forgive me?” he asked. “No.” she 
said. “Oh, come on, Ryoko...” I said. She turned away. “Look, I can understand your 
feelings against him.” “Then why did you bring him back? Why did you do this? To make 
me remember? To make me feel even worse? I demand you return him to where he came 
from!” “I’m sorry, Ryoko, I can’t do that. He hasn’t done anything wrong so far, and I 
believe he’s truly capable of getting back on the right path in life.” “I hate you!” she 
yelled. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me!” She teleported out of there. I closed my eyes. 
“Oh, no...” I said to myself. “I think she means it.” I put my hand up to my face. “If it’s 
any consolation, I believe her agression towards you is a transferrance of agression towards 
me, and that type of transferrance of agression is only temporary. Usually. (gulp)... But that 
means that when she gets over it, she’ll be on a radical campaign against me...” “Thank 
you. See? You can be a decent person. You just reassured me, and that means you felt 
concerned or somewhat.” “That was being decent?” “Absolutely. I think you have the 
potential to become a pretty nice guy. Of course, you couldn’t hang out around here, of 
course... everyone hates you.” “Well, where can I go, then?” “I know a place...” “Where 
is that?” “First I want you to apologize. For everything you’ve done.” “What? I can’t 
remember everything!” “I can.” I took out a galaxy police list and a file on Kagato. 
“You’re going to record your apology on videotape, and I’m going to show it around the 
galaxy.” “Then do you think they’ll forgive me?” “Most of them won’t, to be perfectly 
honest. But the governments will get off your back.” “It’s a serious undertaking.” “You 
had better do it.” “I’ll do it... if you say there’s a place where I can live a good life.” “Yes. 
There is.” “Good.” “See how much easier it is to be a good person?” “Will I still get to 
have fun?” “Of course. Just as long as you don’t cause any harm to come to anyone who 
hasn’t offended you, you can be a good person. Look, I’m a pirate myself, but nobody 
cares, really. You know why?” “Why.” “Because all I do is steal cargo and ships. That is 
the ideal method of piracy. Sea robbery. Many of the people revere me and consider me a 
friend because I have never killed a person who didn’t deserve it in my entire life. In fact, 
almost every planet has an Evergreen Cortex fan club.” “Is this true?” “Yes. You can still 
live life to the fullest as much as when you’re a villain. But it’s a lot better for oneself to live 
life as an altruist, because you can feel good about yourself.” “So, is this the talk you 
wanted to give me?” “It is. Now you can get to recording your apology. I’ll come back in a 
while to see how you’re doing. And Kagato-” “Yes?” “Don’t try to escape. I made sure 
this cell was completely blockaded, and if the sensors detect you, you’ll die.” “Why would 
I do such a thing? I have to reform myself.” “Much better. Oh... and by the way, make 
sure you apologize individually to Ryoko, Ryo-ohki, Washu, and Tsunami. They need to 
hear it.” “Good. Go find your lady love and tell her how you feel. Good luck. And (gulp), 
don’t let her near here. Okay?” “Most certainly. Now get to work. You’ve got a lot of 
explaining to do.” I teleported out. I took out my infrared goggles and located a heat 
signature that looked like it was in the air. “That’s her.” I said. I teleported to the location. 
She was crying, tears streaming down her face. “Go away!” she said. “Ryoko, I’m 
sorry.” “No, you’re not! Otherwise you’d get rid of him!” “He’s a good person. I know 
it.” “What about me, Alex? Have you ever thought about how I would react? How I would 
feel seeing this man who had tortured me for so long under his mind control? Did you ever 
consider my feelings before you resurrected him? Are you even considering them now?” 
“Of course I am.” “No, you’re not! You’re lying to me! You’d rather resurrect someone 
you killed just because you think it was unjust than leave him dead, like he was supposed to 
be, and satisfy everyone!” “How do you think I feel? The woman that I love is saying that 
it’s okay to kill someone unjustly just to make everyone happy?” “He wasn’t killed 
unjustly! He was a villain! You were a hero! The hero is supposed to kill the villain, not sit 
him down on a goddamned leather couch and ask him about his childhood!” She was 
sobbing quite heavily now. “I can’t believe I ever loved you! You’re so stuck on details that 
you’d forsake everyone just to make sure that justice was done!” “Don’t cry. Please.” 
“Why should I listen to you!? You’re a complete jerk! Don’t you care about anyone? 
Don’t you think that some things are a little more important than justice?” “I’m not going 
to change my mind about this, Ryoko.” “Then I’m leaving! You can just forget about me 
and go convert Kagato to your band of once-villains-now-altruists, because they’re 
obviously more important to you!” “No, Ryoko. You’re wrong. You are the most 
important thing in my entire life.” “Then why? Why won’t you just send Kagato away? At 
least do me the justice of not having to look at him!” I got somewhat angry. “He is going 
away, for your information. Because of people like you, who can’t forgive anyone.” “I 
can’t forgive him.” “You’re being totally selfish and a complete brat.” “Well, you act as if 
you don’t even care about me one bit!” It suddenly struck me that I was being completely 
rash in pursuing this argument.“Wait. Wait a second. Slow down. This is how couples 
break up. We need to both calm down and talk to each other. Dry your eyes. We’ll talk 
logically, and solve this argument. Let’s wait a minute.” We both sat there and stewed. “All 
right. I think we’re calm enough. Now for this argument. What is your side?” “I think that 
you should leave well enough alone and let Kagato be dead.” “And I think that Kagato 
deserves a second chance. Okay, second part. Now, why do you think so?” “You know 
what he did to me. It’s hard for me to look at him.” “I think he deserves a second chance 
because he’s shown to me that he has compassion and justice in his heart. Next, what do 
you plan to do to enact your side?” “I plan to make you send him back, or away at least.” 
“That is exactly what I was going to do.” “You do? That’s a relief. Explain to me.” 
“He’s in that building right now recording his apology to the universe. He’s apologizing 
for every single crime he’s commited, individually.” “Wow... and he’s doing that on his 
own?” “I persuaded him, but in the end he complied out of free will, and not threat. Thus 
proving he has a conscience.” “And what when he’s done?” “I’m going to send him to 
my universe. He’ll be able to start over there. And I’ll show his apology to the entire 
galaxy.” “So he’ll be gone after that?” “Yes. You won’t have to see him ever again.” “I 
guess I was wrong about you.” “And I was wrong about you.” “That was some really 
great stuff you did back there.” “Well, when we started slinging insults at each other, I 
knew that that was the critical point. I knew we couldn’t take much more stress. I knew that 
if we both had misgivings about each other, that we were probably both misunderstanding.” 
“You sure know a lot about solving arguments.” “I’m sorry I said some nasty things.” 
“I’m sorry I said mean things too.” “Will you forgive me?” “Of course. Will you 
forgive me?” “Absolutely. You know I can’t stay mad at you. But, you know, I just 
noticed. I think you have a bee on your back.” She turned her back towards me. “Really? 
Where?” I tagged her and flew away. “Tag! You’re it!” She smiled. “Oh, you’re dead!” 
She pursued me. We played tag for several minutes. 
	Aeka looked up at the two of us laughing and playing tag a hundred metres above 
her head. She felt a slight resentment towards Ryoko playing instead of helping out around 
the house, and then looked at our smiling faces. She started to sniffle. Why, if Ryoko can 
find love that easily, why can’t it be that way with Tenchi and I? What does Lord Tenchi 
find so unattractive about me? After all, with Ryoko out of the way, and with the fact that 
Washu and Mihoshi really are no competition, why can’t it be the same with me and 
Tenchi? She felt a small tear run down her cheek as Ryoko and I sat down, winded, on the 
roof, and began to neck. She returned to hanging out the clothes to dry, a little sad. Sasami 
looked over at her. “What’s wrong, Aeka?” “Nothing, Sasami. Nothing’s wrong.” “You 
look sad.” “It’s nothing, really.” “Okay...” Sasami returned to helping her sister hang 
out the clothes. “You’re upset about Alex and Ryoko for some reason, aren’t you?” “I 
really don’t want to discuss it.” Mihoshi looked over. “What is it?” “It’s nothing, 
really.” “Oh, come on... you can tell us.” said Sasami.
	Ryoko and I were necking on the roof. I suddenly pulled back. “What is it?” “I 
think it’s about time for me to go check on you-know-who.” “Don’t let him escape. I’m 
warning you. It’s bad enough I’m letting him stay on the same planet as me for a few 
hours.” “Don’t worry. He won’t escape.” I returned to the steel chamber. “Kagato? You 
finished yet?” “Just about!” he yelled back. I teleported into the room where he was 
recording. He was on the last few dozen on the list. “To all the people of Zyrcon 4, which I 
looted, I’m sorry.” He adjusted his glasses and looked down the list. “To everyone in...” 
he continued. He finally finished. “And a special apology goes out to Ryoko. I’m sorry I 
controlled your mind and forced you to do my bidding. Also, Ryo-ohki, for the same thing. 
I am also terribly sorry to Washu, whom I betrayed and stole from. I also am sorry to 
Tsunami, who I attempted to kidnap. Last, I would like to summarize my sincere apology in 
a few paragraphs.” He delivered a tremendously emotional and moving speech that led us 
all to think much harder. He stopped. “To all the people of the universe, I am sincerely 
sorry for all the trouble I have caused you. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive 
me, because I won’t ever do it again. I’ll be good. I promise.” He signed off. “Beautiful, 
Kagato. They’ll definitely pardon you after that, though the people might throw rocks at 
you or something. But first I’m going to show it and say it’s live around the universe.” I 
went through the tapes and deleted the list and Kagato’s having looked at it. I suddenly 
channeled an image to appear on every object existent in the entire galaxy. It was of me. 
“People of the galaxy, this is Alex . I was the one who defeated Kagato. I am here to 
present to you a completely different perspective on the matter, Kagato himself. I have 
resurrected him and he is here to deliver his apology to the galaxy. Kagato, you may 
speak.” I rolled the tape. As soon as it ended, the entire galaxy combined and issued an 
official pardon for Kagato. It read:
	SPACE PIRATE KAGATO
AFTER HEARING YOUR IMPRESSIVE SPEECH, WE HAVE DEEMED THAT YOU 
ARE WORTHY OF OUR PARDON. HOWEVER, IF YOU COMMIT ANY (ANY) 
CRIMINAL ACTIONS IN ANY (ANY) SYSTEM EVER AGAIN, YOU WILL RESUME 
THE STATUS OF CLASS A-1 CRIMINAL AND THE FORCES OF THE GALAXY 
WILL COMB THE GALAXY FOR YOU. WE WILL ONLY PARDON YOU IF YOU 
FOLLOW THIS CONDITION.
	SINCERELY,
	GALAXY POLICE.

	I quickly ushered Kagato out of there. I put a blindfold over his eyes and teleported 
him to the portal, went through, teleported him to Earth in my universe, but due to an 
unidentified space rip, he was transported to several years earlier, and I let go. I quickly 
returned to the other universe. Ryoko was waiting for me. “Did you get rid of him?” 
“Sure did. But first, let me go do something.” “What?” I filled my lungs, and said, with as 
much gusto as I could muster, “Prrroblem Sssolllved!” “What was that?” “Nothing.” 
“You’re genuinely weird.” “Not as weird as this.” I started bouncing around and flipping 
over onto my head saying, “Bounce. Bounce. Whee.” to myself in a monotone voice. I got 
back up. Ryoko was collapsing in laughter. “That was hysterical!” “That was my intent.” 
She changed the way she was looking at me from a humorous expression to an expression 
of eternal love. “I’m really sorry I yelled at you.” I said. “I’ve already said I forgive you, 
Alex. Let’s just forget about that.” “Okay.” I looked her over. “What?” “You’re so 
beautiful...” “I love you.” “I love you, too.” She and I began to kiss when we heard a 
whistling sound coming from the atmosphere. I looked up. “What’s that?” she asked. 
“I’ll catch it.” I said, and I teleported under the object (whatever it was)’s landing point, 
and prepared a giant baseball glove. The object slammed into the cotton and leather with 
tremendous force, but still did not burst the glove. However, its heat from atmospheric 
friction set the glove on fire. I quickly doused it with a giant dry chemical fire extinguisher 
and then proceeded to sweep away the chemical foam from the object. It turned out to be a 
ship. Just as I thought. Ryoko teleported in next to me. “What is it?” “It’s a ship.” 
“What’s all this foamy stuff?” “Don’t ask.” “Do you think anyone’s inside?” “If they 
are, they probably aren’t happy. But then again, Mihoshi survived crashing into the lake at 
top speed, and at that speed, water is like concrete. I suppose they’re still alive.” “Want to 
go see what it is?” “Nah, I think that you’re much more interesting...” I said, and I began 
to kiss her again. “My opinion exactly.” she said, and we resumed kissing on the giant 
baseball glove when suddenly a noise came from the ship. We didn’t notice. A figure 
stepped out. “What luck!” the figure said. “Agreed.” Ryoko remarked, still with her 
tongue in my mouth. “What?” I asked, in the same position. “You said, ‘what luck’.” 
“No, I didn’t.” She froze. “I think... we have company.” she said. “If you’re going to 
freeze and get frightened,” I said, “would you mind taking your tongue out of my mouth?” 
She quickly retracted. She turned to the right. “Who are you?” she asked. “Alex! I’ve 
been looking all over for you!” I turned to the right as well. “Is that you, Dennis?” “In the 
flesh, buddy!” “Dennis! How did you find this place?” “I dunno. I saw you go into a 
rickety old RV and you hadn’t come out. I went in, tripped on a wire, and found this portal. 
So I thought I’d arrive in style, y’know, with a cool space cruiser. Bummer I crashed, 
though.” “Okay, okay.” “Shucks, dude, I look cool in animation! Yeah!” “Party on, 
dude!” “Is he a friend of yours?” asked Ryoko. “Yes, as a matter of fact. He’s an old war 
buddy. Yo, Dennis!” “What?” “I’d like you to meet Ryoko.” “What, you mean from- 
oh, you’re right! So that’s where this portal leads to!” I teleported over to Dennis and 
whispered in his ear. “Dennis- she doesn’t like to be told that she’s a part of a TV show in 
our universe. So please don’t say so.” “Sure, dude. Nice to meet ya!” She teleported over. 
“Hi.” Dennis leaned over to me. “Whoa, buddy. Are you two, like...” “Like what?” she 
asked. “Uh... never mind.” “It’s fine. Go ahead and ask.” “I wasn’t really going to ask 
anything after that, it was meant to be not followed up.” “So you suddenly switched from 
California surfer dude to Harvard English professor?” I asked. “Whaddya mean?” 
“Never mind...” “Well, it was nice meeting you, but Alex and I were in the middle of 
something, so if you’ll excuse us...” “Ryoko! Dennis is one of my best friends in the 
multiverse! We can finish that later.” “But I never get to do that with you...” “We did just 
last night, remember?” She looked at me with large glowing eyes. “How can I forget?” 
Dennis elbowed me. “Congratulations, buddy! Of all the things...” “Leave us alone when 
we’re trying to be romantic, please.” I said. “Remember, this chick could deep-fry you in 
two seconds flat if you piss her off.” “Yeah, you tell him!” she said. “Okay, I’ll leave you 
two alone... pffft...” He walked away, and sat down on a rock. “No, wait. Ryoko, let’s 
finish this later. He’s only gonna be here for a while, right?” “Right.” he said. “Oh, all 
right... but you’d better make it up to me later.” “I will. I promise.” “I love it when you 
promise me something obscure... ‘cause then I can twist it into meaning whatever I want.” 
“Oh.” “And I can tell you enjoy me twisting it around too.” “How?” “ ‘Oh, god, Ryoko, 
please don’t stop. Oh, that’s so good...’” My face went red. “Please, not in front of 
Dennis.” “What about me?” said Dennis, overhearing. “Nothing.” Ryoko slipped both 
arms around me. “Well... catch you later... literally...” She moved one of her hands down 
to my buttocks and squeezed lightly. She teleported out of there. “You really hit the 
jackpot.” Dennis said. “Enough about that, I have a few questions. Dennis, did you tell 
anyone else about the portal?” “No.” “Did you even suggest vaguely?” “No.” “Did 
you tell anyone about the RV?” “No.” “Good. Then don’t.” “Why?” “You know why. 
This universe would be overrun in ten seconds.” “Okay.” “Dennis... how long do you 
plan to stay here?” “Only a few hours or so... after that I’ll leave you two alone...” He 
winked. “Dennis, what’s so funny about it?” “Nothing, nothing at all...” “I think you 
think it’s funny.” “Well, man...” “What?” “She is from another universe... she looks 
nothing like you...” “Look at yourself.” He looked down. “NO WAY! I’m animated too! 
I hope this isn’t permanent!” “It isn’t. Didn’t you notice that I was animated too?” “Oh, 
yeah... now that you mention it, I did notice something different... and this universe is your 
own creation, I assume?” “No. It was there already.” “Why did you ditch us back on 
New Vegeta?” “I was sucked into this universe, and I had to wait until I could get them to 
build a RandomSpace device.” “Sucks to you. You had to spill technological secrets. Now 
they’re a class VII civilisation, I suppose.” “Yep. But Washu refuses to divulge the 
existence of RandomSpace to anyone.” “Why?” “She says it undermines the very 
purpose of science.” “Well, that’s true... wait, who’s Washu?” “Never mind... I’ll show 
you around.” I stood a few metres from Dennis. “This might feel a little weird.” We both 
nearly teleported to the house when all of a sudden everyone except Ryoko and Washu 
came running up to the “crash” site. “What happened here?” asked Tenchi. “Who’s 
that?” asked Mihoshi. “I’d like you to meet Dennis, an old war buddy of mine.” They all 
introduced themselves. “What’s with the giant baseball glove?” asked Noboyuki. “That 
was me.” I said. “I’ll get rid of it.” I obliterated it with a titanic wave of energy that 
resounded throughout the forest. Only Dennis’s ship remained, untouched. “I’ll never get 
used to this guy.” said Dennis. “Join the club.” they all said in unison. “What did you 
mean by, ‘old war buddy’?” asked Aeka. “He fought with me in the Boltro-New Vegeta 
Conflict of AC 1999, the Plactocblocese submarine crisis in AC 2000, the Rugdar-Gremlin 
war of the same year, and Operation: Ice Print.” “I’m sorry, but I really don’t know what 
you’re talking about.” “Never mind. I’ll tell you all all about those sometime.” “Well, it’s 
nice to meet you, Dennis.” said Yosho. “Pleased to meet you, too.” said Dennis. 
Suddenly, his watch beeped. “Hello?” he asked, and a hologram popped out. “Dennis,  
this is Special Operations Command.” “Sir!” he said, and saluted the hologram. “At ease. 
We have a situation. A group of terrorists calling themselves the Twilight’s Hammer have 
taken over one of our spaceports and are holding it hostage. We’ve already assembled a go 
team. Orders are for you to get your butt over to space fortress Iktomi immediately. And 
where the heck are you? It looks all weird.” “Nowhere.” “Is that the president with you?” 
“Yes, as a matter of fact.” “Sir!” the hologram saluted. “At ease.” I said. “Sir, you’ve 
heard the situation.” “Yes. And you were planning to dispatch Special Operations without 
my order?” “Uh... it was sort of an assumption...” “It sounds like a coup d’etat to me! 
Call me next time! I’ll let this one pass. But remember, you do have the authority to 
dispatch Moonbeam without my order.” “Yes, sir. It won’t happen again. Do we have 
permission to dispatch SE units?” “Granted.” “Yes, sir! Dennis, get your butt over here!” 
“Yes, sir! Goodbye, Mr. President.” “Bye, Private Kryson.” He shut off the hologram 
and I led him to the portal, with his ship in miniature. “Sorry I couldn’t stay longer!” 
“That’s fine.” said Noboyuki. “Come again anytime.” “Goodbye.” He saluted me and 
waved with the other hand as he dropped down the portal. “Hmh.” I said to myself. The 
others went back to the house. I teleported to the door of Washu’s lab and knocked. It 
opened. Washu greeted me. “Hi! What is it?” “Uh, have you seen Ryoko?” “No, not 
lately, but thanks for knocking instead of just teleporting in.” “J-154... B-297...” I said, 
suppressing laughter as I recited the final strings of coding I had just hacked with my mind. 
“Do you have to slice it every time you come near here! You’re ticking me off!” She 
stormed back into the laboratory, slamming the door shut and beginning to set off the 
password change sequence. I put on my infrared goggles again. I looked around. Some heat 
signatures were to be found. Suddenly, my entire screen brightened and I was viciously 
tackled. “Cheap shot.” I said. “I’m just thinking up new ways to surprise you.” said 
Ryoko. “ ‘Cause I find that surprised expression of yours to be devastatingly...” she said, 
while nuzzling my cheek, “unbearably...” she said, moving on to my ear, “sexy...” she 
said, barely above a whisper. “You rub me the right way...” she purred. She noticed I was 
not really speaking. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. Can you let me stand 
up?” “No. I like you this way... completely helpless...” “I’m not, really. I could stand up 
at any time I wanted. Or, I could psychically make your muscles move to let me go... but I 
don’t want to do what you don’t want me to...” “Good doggie... have a dog biscuit.” she 
said, and then kissed me. “Want to go outside?” “Why?” she asked. “Everyone else is 
out there now. We’re all alone in here. Which means that I can do anything I want to you... 
and nobody’s here to save you...” “Oh, I’m shaking.” She flashed me an evil grin. 
“You’re not escaping me this time...” “I should think not.” “Come on. Try to resist.” 
“We did that already. It’d be boring a second time.” “Aw, you don’t want to do it again?” 
She looked up at the ceiling, scratching her chin. “Hmm... let’s see... what else...” Aeka 
suddenly popped out from behind the doorframe. “Excuse me...” “What is it, princess, 
come to tell us that we shouldn’t be doing this inside again?” “Actually, no.” Ryoko stood 
up, and I did as well. “What is it?” “I’m sort of embarrassed to ask you this...” “Shoot.” 
“I’d like to know how you two came to fall in love.” “Well, that’s simple! It was destiny! 
Why do you want to know?” “Well, now that you’re out of the way... and Washu and 
Mihoshi really are no competition... Tenchi’s very available... and I’m kind of...” “What, 
jealous? Of us?” “Of course not. I was just thinking that perhaps what worked for you 
would work for Tenchi and I.” “Quite interesting.” I said. “I think the first moment I truly 
felt affection for Alex was when... oh, wait... that’s a secret... do you promise not to tell 
anyone else?” “Sure.” “You remember when I had sprained my arm and I said it was 
from fishing?” “Yes.” “Well, let me explain... I was watching Alex out there practicing 
with his weaponry, and I thought he was pretty good. So I challenged him to a fight. He and 
I were fighting unarmed, and I held onto his leg while he tried to go over my head and I 
ended up spraining my arm. But get this... immediately, he stops and comes over to me 
acting all concerned. That was when I started to love him... I think... and after that, well, you 
remember what happened that night...” “Yes, I remember quite clearly. And Alex, what 
attracted you to Ryoko?” “Her personality, her spunk, her attitude in general. I like the way 
she acts, the way she feels about the world... everything. Not to mention that she’s the most 
beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” “Well, that really doesn’t help... but you suggest 
that compassion leads to love?” “Often, yes. But it’s different for everyone. You should 
tell Tenchi how you feel, now that the way is clear. I’m sure he’ll look at it differently.” 
“So is that your advice?” “That’s the best advice I could offer.” “Yeah, go to Tenchi and 
tell him how you feel... and let us finish what we were doing...” “Thanks, Ryoko. I think 
you’ve just spoiled my appetite for the entire day.” she said, annoyed. “Hey! I didn’t ask 
for your opinion! Shoo!” Ryoko flicked her hand at Aeka in the ‘go away’ gesture. 
“Hmph.” Aeka turned and walked out of the house. “At least one of you is somewhat 
decent...” she said, while walking out the door. “Well, now that she’s gone, what say we 
continue?” she said, grinning seductively. “Hold on a second. We should go outside. I 
have something I want to show you.” “Alex!” she said angrily. “You always make me 
wait. You always tease me. Well, I don’t like it!” “You’re not joking, are you?” “Of 
course I am... I wouldn’t get angry at you... but, it does piss me off.” “Come on... it’ll take 
two seconds.” “I don’t like the fact that you think you have to work for the right to make 
love to me.” “I don’t like the fact that you’re okay with doing it even if it doesn’t feel 
right.” “How could it not feel right?” “When you’re angry at me, it definitely doesn’t feel 
right. When you’re just letting me have it, it doesn’t feel right. When you and I are 
extremely happy just being close, then and only then does it feel right to me.” “Well, 
you’ve got a lot to learn. What’s wrong with making love to me when I’m angry at you? In 
fact, now that you mention it... I would rather you have done that than solve the argument 
with words about Kagato... no, wait... I would have felt sick the whole time thinking about 
why I was angry at you.” “Sorry.” “Do you have any idea how I feel? It’s easy for you, 
you’re a god. You can do anything you want anytime. I, on the other hand, need all my 
strength to defeat just one villain, and even then it’d be hard. You can just flick your arm 
and it’s all over. I hate that! You make such an anticlimax!” “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize 
you wanted Dr. Clay to escape. I can resurrect him too if you’d like.” “The trouble with 
you is that even your jokes can be serious. If anyone else had said that, I’d dismiss it and 
probably get angry. But you have the power to do it and undo it freely, so I wouldn’t 
dismiss it with you...” “I’m sorry. I really try not to make you mad. Because I don’t like 
seeing you mad. Or sad. Or any negative emotions.” “Sometimes it’s good to cry a while. 
Or vent out your anger.” “Vent it out on me, by all means.” “I can’t use you as a 
punching bag... no matter how much you get me angry... and even if I know it doesn’t hurt 
you... just focusing hatred on you makes me feel guilty and wrong... because I love you, 
Alex.” “I love you too. And I can’t really get angry at you for anything.” “I have an idea 
now...” “What?” “Have you ever heard of the mile high club?” “Are you suggesting...” 
“Whaddya think? Sound exciting?” she suggested, with a mischievous smile. “Ten 
seconds ago you were angry at me.” “Yeah. Now I’m not. ‘Cause I just had this great 
idea. And you’re still my little cuddle muffin, no matter how angry we get at each other.” 
“And you’ll always be my inspiration, my meaning in life. I’ll always love you.” “And I 
you. Let’s go.” She held my hand and teleported us up really, really high. “The air’s a bit 
thin up here... and it’s cold...” I said. “That’s why we’re going down.” she said. I realized 
that she and I were freefalling. “Good idea... but what happens if we’re not done by the 
time we hit bottom?” “Quit worrying so much and kiss me.” She held onto me in midair 
and we kissed passionately in the sky. She began to move down my face to my neck. I 
kissed her neck as well, and we both enjoyed the same sensation. 
	We got to the bottom in about half an hour and five minutes. We were in each 
other’s arms, kissing tiredly and contentedly. “That was great...” I said, as I cushioned our 
landing by procuring a 3-metre wide bean bag with about the consistency of a 
marshmallow. “Told you you’d like it.” she said, her tongue in my mouth. “I didn’t like it, 
I loved it.” I said, similarly. Two minutes later our clothes fell down on top of us, like a 
meteor shower, each at differently spaced intervals. “We should do this more often.” 
“That’s three times now.” she said. “I’m planning to keep track.” “What?” “Of course, 
if I have my way with you, I’m going to have a hard time...” “You still angry at me?” 
“I’m not really, but I was thinking about saying yes just so that you’d do it to me again. 
I’m so bad...” “No, you’re not. I am. I’m the one who’s been pretending to be reluctant.” 
“WHAT?! That was pretending?” “Oh, yeah. I was just teasing you.” “From now on, we 
do it whenever and wherever I say. Got it?” “Roger that.” “Starting now.” she said. 
“Again? That took a lot out of me.” “You’re a wuss. Pull yourself together.” “Hey! 
Don’t insult me!” “I’m just teasing... but come on... don’t you think I deserve it?” “I 
do... you know I do.” “Then what’s wrong?” “Nothing’s wrong... it’s just that...” 
“What?” “I like being like this... close, kissing, not too excited, just loving...” “Not as 
good as that was...” “Physically, no, but emotionally, yes. Plus you don’t get tired from 
this.” “Tired? You? You’re a god, for crying out loud! I’m only a demon, and I’m not tired 
one bit!” “Well...” “Well, nothing, you’re lying. And I’ll prove it.” she said, with a 
somewhat angry but still mostly seductive grin. 
	Two hours later...
	“See? I proved it. You weren’t tired at all.” “I say, that was quite an experience.” 
“Thank you.” “Where do you pick up these tricks? I should certainly hope you haven’t 
done those somewhere else...” “No, not at all. It just comes naturally, I guess...” “Well, 
anyway, thanks. Want to go again?” “Nah... I think you’ve had enough, tiger.” “What, 
are you getting tired?” “No, of course not!”
	Two hours later...
	“Okay... now I’m tired.” she said, panting. “I thought so.” We both were covered 
in sweat. “Phew... that was amazing...” she said. “Five times so far...” “Can you stop 
keeping track?” “I like to... it gives me something to keep me occupied when we’re not 
making love.” “You’re such a little...” “Nymphomaniac? Yes, I guess I am...” “No, not 
that...” “Aw... but I like being a nymphomaniac...” “Your desires are great, but 
nonetheless understandable.” “Well, they’ve been satisfied... for now...” “I must’ve been 
really good.” “You were, believe me...” “Thank you.” “What time is it?” “According to 
the sun, it’s about 1400 hours.” “Hmm...” she said, gently and repeatedly licking my ear. 
I closed my eyes and put an arm around her. She was asleep within two minutes. I watched 
her sleep until the sun began to go down. “Ryoko... wake up...” I said, putting on my 
clothes. She did not. I finished dressing, and tapped her shoulder gently. “Ryoko... come 
on...” She rolled over onto her side. “Hmm. Good.” I said. I went down on all fours and 
began to kiss her shoulder. “Ryoko... please get up...” She was awake, but did not open 
her eyes. Let’s see how far he’ll go... she thought. I began licking her neck. “Come on...” 
I said. “Wake up... isn’t it in the least bit cold for you?” Not when you’re here... she 
thought. I began to rub her shoulders while kissing her ear. “Are you just trying to get me 
to go farther?” I asked. No response. Ryoko shuddered slightly with pleasure. That feels 
great! she thought. “All I want is for you to wake up, at least. I’d enjoy this much more. At 
least I’d know you were enjoying it.” She grinned from ear to ear, suppressing laughter, 
holding her eyes shut even tighter. “Either you’re having a really good dream, or you’re 
awake.” She couldn’t hold it in any longer. She burst out laughing. I laughed too. “You 
knew all along, didn’t you?” she said, laughing. “Yes, of course I did. When you’re really 
asleep, you snore.” “How would you know?” “I know. I’ve watched you sleep enough, 
and I know when you’re faking anyway.” “How?” “First and foremost, the grin was a 
grin of mischief. Second, your eyes were shut unnaturally tight. And third, I was reading 
your mind from the start.” “You little cheater.” “I know... I can’t help it.” “You’re a 
great guy to be around... but sure, sure, I’ll get dressed. And... Alex?” “Yes?” “Stop 
hanging all over me. I know I do it to you, and I really like that you do it to me, but it just 
feels weird.” “What? You want me to behave like I don’t want you?” “No, not at all... but 
we can’t do this all the time, can we?” “I don’t see why not.” “Neither do I... but I just 
think it would be healthy for us to spend some time away from each other.” “I don’t 
wanna let you go...” “You’re so cute when you act like this... I don’t mean like two weeks, 
I just mean like two hours. That’s all. Is that so bad?” “Yes... but if it’s what you really 
want... besides, you’re right, sometimes a relationship is ruined when the two persons are 
too close. We have to have other people in our lives, don’t we?” “I just want to see if we’re 
special or not, because I’d like my life to be you, just as yours is me...” “It’s gonna be 
painful...” “I know... for both of us... but it’s healthy.” “Are you sure?” “Yes. I can’t 
have a life consisting of sex and naps, can I? Even though it feels so good being with you... 
take this for example. If you were to eat just candy your entire life, you wouldn’t be very 
healthy, would you? Sometimes you have to eat the meat and potatoes...” “I never ate my 
vegetables.” I said, kissing her. “I’m serious.” she said, pulling away. “Okay... bad 
analogy. How about one just sitting around watching TV all day and never getting up?” 
“Okay, that’s a good analogy. But still, you’re so much more fulfilling than watching 
TV...” “And you are too. But you get what I’m saying.” “Yes... but this is definitely one 
of the only times in my life where I’d say, ‘to hell with logic’! I want to be with you, 
always... more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life. Well, most things.” 
“Whatever do you mean?” “I consider the universe more important than us. And I’m one 
of the only people capable of actually doing something to protect it, so I am obligated to. 
But still, you’re a top ranker...” “I want to be first.” “I hate being honest.” “I hate it too. 
I’d much rather you had lied. But I still like it that you don’t want to lie to me... because the 
universe is more important than you to me, too... but I can’t really do much about it.” “But 
there’s one thing I can say for certain, and that’s that you’re the most important to me right 
now.” She laid back down on her back, putting her hand under her head and facing me. 
“You’re so sweet... never lying to me, always telling me the truth, the whole truth, and 
nothing but the truth... and yet always finding a way to make it a compliment at the end...” I 
laid on my side next to her, and she turned her body away from me and snuggled up against 
my chest while I stroked her hair gently.“I try to be honest and not hurt your feelings at the 
same time.” “It’s a difficult thing to do.” “Not really... when I think of you, words just 
spring to mind...” “Which reminds me...” she said, turning her head to face upward at my 
face. “You haven’t gone on one of your compliment tirades in a while. But... Alex...” 
“Yes?” “I remember that first night, when I cried myself to sleep on your shoulder... I said 
that this whole mess wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t come along...” “Go on.” “I 
was wrong. I’m glad it happened.” “I know you are. You don’t need to express it in words 
and make it even harder. Forget what you said, okay? I know how you felt, and that’s all that 
matters.” I said, continuing to stroke her hair. “How do you do it, Alex? How can you 
constantly be so good to me, when I’m so demanding of you?” “I don’t think of you as 
demanding! Not in a million years! You’re needy, that’s what you are!” “So if I was 
demanding, you wouldn’t like me as much?” “My definition of demanding is Jabba the 
Hutt. You are nowhere near that guy. I cannot love someone as demanding as Jabba the 
Hutt. But you... you’re different. You actually need this attention, this affection. I can sense 
it. And even if you didn’t, so what? I’m just spoiling you! Have you ever actually once 
asked me to pay attention to you?” “Well...” “Just answer my question. Have you ever 
actually asked me, ‘Alex, could you give me some affection’?” “No, I haven’t...” “See? 
You’re not demanding in the least. You just make me feel like giving you this attention, but 
it’s completely voluntary.” “Love sucks, doesn’t it? When you prove me wrong, I feel 
good about myself. When I prove you wrong, I feel bad.” “I feel good when you prove me 
wrong, but when I prove you wrong, I think of it as reassurance.” “Well, it is more of a 
reassuring than a debate... and I’m glad you don’t feel bad, because I feel good, and I’d 
hate to feel good when you feel bad, unless I was trying to cheer you up. But I’m kinda 
hungry... and I’m sure you need to get back to your universe anyway...” “Oh, okay... see 
you later, love.” “Goodbye, sweetheart.” She kissed me quickly and phased into her 
clothing, then to teleport over to the house. I, meanwhile, had just had a great idea.
	I teleported into a universe of my own creation. It was one of infinity universes of 
Dragonball Z. Currently, 17 was fighting Cell. “Who is that?” asked Cell when he saw me 
teleport in. “Beats me.” said 17, grabbing Cell’s tail while Cell tried to break his arm. 
“Wanna fight?” I asked. “I’m a little busy...” remarked 17. “No, not you, the big ugly 
green dude.” “Trust me, you don’t wanna fight him.” “But I do! I do! Let me at ‘im!” 
“17, he obviously wants to die. Let him.” said Cell. “Come to me, you pathetic moron...” 
said Cell, and he whipped his tail around and connected with my neck. He began absorbing 
energy. “Absorb all you like, you’re not getting anything.” I said. “WHAT?! How can 
you still be speaking?” “Um... maybe you’re a weakling?” “Weakling?!” “Hey, 17...” 
“Wha....wha...” 17 was gaping at the sight of Cell’s tail driving into my neck and still my 
turning towards him and asking him a question. “Whaddya think? Think a power level of 
20 trillion or so should be sufficient?” “You’re joking.” he said. I blinked. “Okay, check 
this out, ‘cause it’s gonna look REALLY, REALLY cool.” I said, grinning and raising my 
eyebrows. I grabbed Cell’s tail, dumped a vial of sulfuric acid on it, rendering it useless but 
still there, and then kicked his butt and sent him a kilometre away. I began to power up. “Of 
course, I really don’t need to power up, but I think it looks cool.” I said. A green flame 
formed around my body. With a cashink sound, it increased to twice its size. More and 
more duplications followed really quickly, until it was near the size of a forty-story building. 
I floated in the air. “Check it out! Pretty cool, huh?” 17 was speechless once again. 16 and 
18 were standing somewhere near. “What’s he doing?” asked 18. “His power level is 
incomprehensible... a level of over twenty trillion...” “20 trillion? Not million? Not even 
billion?” “Trillion. I am not malfunctioning. That is my reading. Nothing could be more 
stable.” “That’s impossible! He’s only a boy!” “So is Trunks, if I’m not mistaken. Yet 
he has become a super-saiyan.” “But even so, that’s nowhere near 20 trillion! That power 
level is insane!”
	All the Earth’s Special Forces were stunned. “Oh my god!” shouted Gohan. 
“Who the heck is that?” asked Tien. “I sure hope it’s not Cell...” said Goku. “Don’t 
even joke! That reading’s over twenty trillion!” said Bulma. “TRILLION?!” they all 
shouted. “It can’t be right. Give me that scouter.” said Yamcha. “I’m telling you, that’s 
what it says.” Yamcha put it on. “HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST!” he shouted. “Yamcha, 
you’re panicking.” said Goku. “YOU WOULD TOO, IF YOU SAW THIS 
READING!” “So it is twenty trillion, all right...” said Piccoro. “WHAT IF IT IS CELL? 
THERE’S JUST NO WAY ANY OF US COULD BEAT HIM! HE COULD DESTROY 
THE UNIVERSE!” They all sat, worried.
	Cell got up. “Look what you did to my tail!” he shouted in agony. “Look what 
you did to those villagers. It’s a lot more unpleasant.” “You’re going to die now! I don’t 
care if you think you’re stronger than me, you-” I stuck out my tongue at him and made 
moose ears with my hands. “Why you insolent little human! I’m going to kill you!” I 
yawned. “Very well, see for yourself!” He charged at me and I blasted him into teeny bits. 
“Yay. Show’s over.” I powered down and floated to the ground. “Okay, world saved. Job 
well done on my part. You androids and the rest of the world are safe now. Now go do 
whatever you want to do, like decent law-abiding citizens... I hope...” 17 was still gaping at 
me. “What’re you trying to do, catch flies?” “You killed Cell with just one blast?” “All 
too easy. Hey, 16, 18, come on out! It’s safe now!” They popped out of the bushes. Well, 
18 did. 16 got up slowly and walked. I turned to 17, whose expression hadn’t changed. 
“Boo.” I said. He screamed and cowered behind a rock. I started laughing. “Hey, that 
wasn’t very funny.” said 17. “Are you kidding? Look at yourself! I’ve already told you, 
nobody except Cell had anything to fear from me. And now he’s dead. You can go do 
whatever you want. The world’s safe now.” “Well, there’s not really much we can say to 
that... except... thanks.” said 18. “Yes. Thank you.” said 16. “Uh... thanks.” said 17. 
“By the way...” I suddenly popped out a screwdriver and latched onto the back of 17’s 
neck. “Hold still. This won’t hurt a bit.” I popped open a control panel and adjusted a 
wire. I closed it up. I did the same to 18 and 16. “What did you do to me?” asked 18, 
frightened. “I removed your programming to kill Goku. Aren’t you all lucky?” “Yes... 
now I can be free...” said 16. “Thanks again.” said 17. “No problem. Just doing my job 
as a hero. Eliminating plot.” I teleported to Kami’s lookout post thingy. “Hey, whassup?” 
“Who are you?” asked Goku. “I believe you must’ve picked up a slight power level 
anomaly a few minutes ago?” “Don’t... tell... me... you’re...” “Uh-huh.” Goku fainted 
right there. He awoke with his face in a doggie bowl of water. “Blecch! Who put me 
here?” “Sorry... there was no other cold water...” I said. “You?” “Nice to meet you. I’m 
Alex. Goku, I presume?” “Yes... how did you know?” “Long story.” “Well, I’m glad 
you’re not a villain.” “Oh, of course not.” “Daddy, who is this guy?” asked Gohan. 
“You remember that power you felt?” “Yeah, it’s gone now... and so is Cell’s...” 
“Well...” “Whoa. This guy has a power level of 20 trillion?” “It’s actually technically 
infinite. I can go to 190 unnileptillion-” I powered up within a few seconds, and Gohan and 
Goku’s eyes bugged out. “to a mere one-third-” I powered down. “anytime I want. It’s all 
about mind over matter.” “That’s incredible!” I looked up at the sky. “Hmm... I’m gonna 
leave now.” “Why?” “I miss my love.” “Go ahead. Gohan, do me a favor... don’t tell 
Vegeta about this. He’d be furious!” I teleported out of the universe and left it there.
	“That was funny.” I said. “Alex! There you are! It’s about dinner time. Would 
you care to join us?” asked Tenchi. “Certainly. I kinda feel like a parasite, though, as I 
didn’t help out around the house at all...” “No time for that now!” “Yes, there is time. 
You’re forgetting who you’re talking to here.” “Well, now that you mention it, the shrine 
could use a little polish...” I snapped my fingers and it was absolutely visibly sparkly clean. 
“There. Now I don’t feel guilty anymore.” “Don’t be. You’ve saved all our lives more 
than once, I’d be honored to have you eat with us!” “Race ya.” “Pardon me? I can’t beat 
you.” “Why not? I’ll be fair. And to tell you the truth, I can’t run very far.” “Okay.” 
“I’ll even give you a head start.” “All right... go!” he said, running down the steps. I 
waited three seconds and then rolled up into a ball, bouncing down the stairs and rolling at 
about thirty miles per hour. I whizzed past him. “NASCAR Racin’! Yeah, yeah!” I 
shouted. “No fair!” “What? This is no added velocity.” I said. He couldn’t hear me, as I 
was already at the bottom. “You cheat...” “That was no added velocity.” “Not to mention 
that any normal human being would have been dashed to pieces.” “You never said I 
couldn’t use my invincibility.” “Oh, forget it.” “ ‘S not like I’m gonna go bragging, 
except... I win! You lose! Nyah nyah!” “Sore winner.” “I just had to let that out. No hard 
feelings.” “Sure. That taunting may come in handy one day.” “The only trouble is that I 
only use it after I win... and if they’re villains, my opponents usually die...” “Never mind.” 
I cloaked myself. “Where’d you go?” “Right here.” “Where, here?’ he said, baffled. 
“Oh, right, it’s probably that cloaking trick...” “Yessuh.” I said, then uncloaked. “I think 
it’s cool.” I said. “I guess... but it’s kind of creepy.” “Everyone says that. They all find 
me creepy.” “I don’t find you personally creepy, it’s just the power you have.” “Blurgh.” 
“What do you mean?” “I don’t know. It’s just a funny word.” “You’re strange.” I 
crouched down to examine a rotten log. “Hmm...” “Sad, isn’t it? Such a mighty tree dead 
before its time...” “Yes, but as always in nature, death gives rise to rebirth. Look.” I 
scraped away a section of the log and inside were hundreds of beetle-like organisms, as well 
as moss and other stuff growing on it. “That’s what I find beautiful about nature. It is 
forever.” “Yes, it certainly is.” “What exactly is that I smell?” I asked. “I don’t smell 
anything.” said Tenchi. “It must be whatever dinner is, which reminds me- we should get 
going.” “Yup.” I began walking. “Now I smell something distinct...” I said. He 
continued walking toward the house. I took out a straw and loaded it with a rolled-up corner 
of a piece of paper. I shot it with expert aim into the bush. “Miya!” came a reply. “Don’t 
try and sneak up on me.” I said. Ryo-ohki came out of the bush, badly shaken. “I suppose 
you’ve learned your lesson.” “Miya!” “Sorry. But if I am snuck up on, I assume it is an 
enemy.” “Miya.” “Here’s a little compensation for you.” I said. I produced a barrel of 
carrots out of thin air. “Next time the carrots will not be included.” I said, with warning. 
“So don’t think you’re going to get away next time.” “Miya!” Ryo-ohki said, purring 
and rubbing against my leg. “Don’t mention it.” I said. “I have to eat too.” I teleported to 
the door and knocked, as Tenchi had already gone inside. He opened it. “About time.” 
“Well, I was delayed.” “Never mind. Come on inside.” I walked in and sat down at the 
table. Everyone else was already eating. “Hi. Nice to see you again.” said Ryoko. “Nice to 
see you too.” All of a sudden, I heard a knock on the door. “I’ll get it.” said Tenchi. He 
walked out of sight. Suddenly, his head popped back in. He was quite pale. “Uh... it’s for 
you.” he said to me. I got up and walked to the door. A guy with body armor on and an 
energy assault rifle was standing there. He had on quite an array of menacing cyber-devices. 
He took off his helmet. “Alex...” “Dennis?” “Uh, remember that terrorist situation that 
called me away about six hours ago?” “Yes?” “Well, I think we’re gonna need your help 
on this one.” “Fine, fine.” “Come with me.” I popped my head into the room. “Minor 
errand. It’ll just take a little.” I teleported to the portal with Dennis as he gave me a high 
five. We fell down and ended up in the RV. I cloaked and flew out to the spaceport where 
there were police lines all over the place. I teleported myself into a van and brought Dennis 
there too. “Mr. President! Good to see you!” said the commander of SOD(Special Ops 
Division). “What’s the situation?” “We have a group of about a couple hundred terrorists, 
all armed and with hostages. They’re demanding we turn over Dr. Raymond Carterra, a 
resident of this planet, and the man behind the invention of the Tachyon Ray, and they say 
that if their demands are not met in twenty-four hours, they’ll fire a nuclear weapon straight 
at Alexandria!” “How’ll they get their hands on a nuke?” “I have no idea. These guys are 
real fanatics. They believe some sort of religion that holds that death is good, and that all 
things must return to Twilight as soon as they can. Believe me, they’ll have no trouble with 
holding a massacre if anyone’s discovered penetrating the structure.” “Why did you wait 
six hours to contact me?” “Dennis insisted on going alone to fetch you. I have no idea 
why. We had to rig him with these self-defence apparati to ensure he’d get to you. That 
took six hours.” “I see. I’ll go in.” “Alone?” “Yes. I’m prepared.” “Sir, with all due 
respect, it’s dangerous!” “Suit me up. I can handle these guys.” “Yes, sir.” He got me 
suited up, same as Dennis. “About time.” I said, when they were finished with their six-
hour procedure. “Ready to go.” I said, and I teleported to an entry hatch. It was a blue 
hexagon inside a white hexagonal door. I planted a breaching charge on the locked airlock 
door. I flew two metres back from it. I took out a detonator and pressed the button lightly, 
and a teeny little explosion happened that blew off a tiny section of the door. I crawled in 
through the section. I did the same with the inner door. “Command, this is Alex. Over.” 
“We copy, Mr. President. Over.” “I’ve breached the structure. Over.” “Loud and clear, 
Mr. President. Over.” “Going silent. Over and out.” “Affirmative, Mr. President. Over 
and out.” I shut off the comms device. I pressed a teeny little switch. “I can’t be seen.” I 
said to myself. I cloaked. I walked very silently down the right of the two-way hall. A guard 
walked toward me, but didn’t see me. I brushed him ever-so-slightly as I passed. “Huh?” 
he said, turning around. “Must’ve been a draft. But still, can’t take any chances.” he said, 
and brought up his gun and began firing. Several bullets struck me. He saw and brought up 
his walkie-talkie. “Command, command, spy in the base! Spy in the-” he said, and I 
clubbed him in the neck with my gun. I began to move very quickly and noncorporeally 
through the halls suspended in the air, through several guards who didn’t see or feel 
anything. I finally arrived at the centre of the space station. “Are you sure?” asked a guy 
on a walkie-talkie. “87, please respond. 87! Dammit. Execute the hostages. They’ve earned 
it.” he said. I put up a shield around each of the hostages silently. The hostages cowered in 
fear as the guards brought up their rifles. The guards began firing but to no avail. “What’s 
this?” he said. “We’re saved!” said a guy. “I don’t understand.” said another. “So, they 
have some sort of new weapon? Fire the satellite’s main cannon!” the leader said. “I 
thought they were gonna launch a nuke...” I said quietly.“Now!” They charged up a 
gigantic weapon. I quickly teleported into the heart of the weapon and cut a few critical 
circuits. “We’re cornered!” said the leader. “You certainly are.” I said, coming into view. 
“Fire!” he said, and the guards fired on me. I brought up my gun and dispatched them all. 
“You are all bad people.” I said. The leader brought out a rocket launcher. “For the 
Twilight!” he shouted, blasting it at me. I caught the rocket and threw it at him, and he 
exploded. All the other terrorists, at the sight of their leader’s death, brought out daggers 
and stabbed themselves. “Dumba**es.” I said. The hostages got up. They were all shaken 
badly. “Thank you... you’ve saved us all...” said a woman. “Don’t mention it. I deal with 
these bastards on a near-daily basis.” “I... I’m going back home to Titan.” said an old 
man. “It’s all right. These guys were lunatics. I’m sorry you had to be put through this.” 
“Was it you who put up that shield to save us?” “Yes.” “You’re the president, aren’t 
you?” “Yes.” “You’re a brave young man. I don’t know many people who would’ve 
done what you did for some people you never knew.” “It’s going to be all right now, 
everyone. Just calm down and we’ll get this sorted out. Our men are coming on board this 
minute. Just relax and be thankful you made it out alive. You were all very brave not to 
panic.” “You’re an extraordinary person. You manage to be a leader, a soldier, a negotiator, 
and a therapist at the same time.” “I do a lot of other things, too. Just wait here. I have 
some things I need to sort out with a certain Defence Department.” I teleported to the 
Secretary of Defence’s office and slapped my hands on the table. “What is on Space 
Station REI?” I asked angrily. “What do you mean, Mr. President?” “The terrorists... I’m 
sure you know about them... they were going to fire some critical main weaponry on that 
station. What do we need that for?” “It was a nuclear-” “GOD DAMMIT! I order the 
cancellation of production of nukes on the planet, so what do you defence department 
a**holes do? Go and produce it in space, of course! I ordered TOTAL DISARMAMENT. 
How many meanings does that have?” “Sir, I can explain.” “Explain.” “Uh...” he 
thought for about fifteen seconds. “See? NO MORE NUKES! None! Do I make myself 
clear? And if you don’t get rid of ALL of them by next WEEK, I’ll have your a** outta 
this position faster than you can say, ‘Jackrabbit.’” “Next week? It’ll take years!” “I 
don’t care! I’d fire you anyway! Get to work if you want to keep your job!” “Uh, yes 
sir.” “GOOD!” I teleported into the portal and into the other universe. It was near three o’ 
clock in the morning. I phased into the house. I formed a turkey sandwich out of nowhere 
and sat in a chair and began eating. I heard a low moan come from the couch area. I looked 
over there. Ryoko was asleep, and from the looks of it, having a nightmare. I got up and sat 
down on the floor next to her tossing and turning form. Her cheeks were wet with tears of 
pain. I placed a gentle hand on her cheek, a single tear running down my face as well. She 
brought her hand up slowly, touching my hand and looking a little relieved. I used a 
telepathic connection to tune into her dream. It was a frightening one. A dream about being 
in the cave. I transmitted thoughts of the day she got out to her. She suddenly became just 
as upset. Tenchi, the boy she had watched grow up, the only one she could ever 
communicate with, releasing her from her eternal prison... but then he was horrified at the 
sight of her, and wielded a Juraian weapon that caused her the exact same pain she felt when 
Yosho was taking her gems.  Oops, I thought. I transmitted thoughts of Tenchi’s love for 
her, however non-romantic, and she felt happy knowing that Tenchi loved her, would always 
love her, just as she would always love him. And Alex... she thought, smiling. Tenchi, and 
Washu, and Yosho, and Noboyuki, and Sasami, and Mihoshi, and even Aeka... my family, 
and... and Alex, my lover... I teleported out of there. She slept the rest of the night warm and 
cozy with thoughts of love and peace in the world. I, meanwhile, was preparing yet another 
surprise. She woke up early in the morning to the pink sunrise and stretched out, happy to 
see the sun. There was some mild fog, mostly on the ground.“Hmm...” she said, looking 
out the window. She sighed, thinking of everyone. That sure was a nice dream,  she 
thought. Alex said he’d only be gone for a few hours... he’s been gone the whole night! I’m 
starting to worry... but then, he’s a god, he can take care of himself... I’m going to have to 
teach him a lesson... she thought, grinning. “He thinks he can get away with that? He’ll be 
sorry.” she said. She felt good all over. Suddenly, she noticed a shadow in the fog. It 
looked like a person walking towards the window. Is that him? she thought. It cleared the 
fog. It was me. She stepped out of the door. “I missed you!” she said, her eyes sparkling. 
“I missed you too.” I said. Before I knew it, I heard a crack and suddenly I was hogtied, 
Ryoko staring down at me furiously. “Where have you been?!” “It took me six hours to 
suit up! Then I had to break up the terrorist hijacking of a space station which turned out to 
be a nuclear weapon, so I had to go to the Department of Defence and order disarmament 
again, and I had to clear up the weapons, and then...” Her eyes softened. “I’m sorry I got 
you worried. Can you forgive me?” I asked. She sliced the ropes and helped me up, putting 
her hands on my shoulders. “My little hero... always looking out for everyone else, never 
once giving a thought to his own welfare, and sacrificing everything for someone else’s 
safety... sorry I got mad at you. I didn’t know it was that important.” “That’s okay, 
really.” “I couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole time you were gone... wondering 
where you were, what you were doing...” “It was the same with me.” I said, smiling. 
“Come on up on the roof. We’ll watch the sun rise together.” she said. “Okay.” We 
teleported to the roof and she sat, her legs crossed and her head on my shoulder. The sun 
came up with a brilliant light show, and finally, after the orange disappeared, the sky became 
blue. “Come on. I’ve got something to show you.” I said. “What is it?” she asked. 
“Surprise.” I said. “Another one?” “Yes.” I grabbed her hand and teleported us into a 
house only I knew the location of. It was a small wooden house, with a lot of modern 
conveniences but no media, and very, very comfortable furniture. “What is this place?” 
“It’s our little love nest. I made it myself.” “It’s wonderful...” “Thank you. Have a seat.” 
I said, gesturing to the completely battered and beaten old couch behind me next to a 
fireplace. “It’s scientific fact that the worse a couch looks, the more comfortable it is.” She 
looked at it strangely. “Well, it can’t hurt...” she said, and sat down on the couch. “Wow... 
you’re right. This is very comfortable, though if asymmetrical. “And the best part... snap 
your fingers.” “Why?” “Just do it.” She did. The fireplace erupted into a blaze. “You 
must’ve put a lot of effort into designing this place...” “I made it for us.” “It’s really 
warm... but come over here so I can hug something.” I sat down next to her and she put her 
arms around me, snuggling up against me and looking at the fire. “I love you.” I said. “No 
words.” she said. “Just love.” “Dictator.” “Shut up.” she said sweetly. “Okay.”  You 
sure smell nice, I thought-spoke. Telepathy. Good idea. she thought-spoke back. Thanks. 
I’m gonna put the thought-speech in quotes now. “You’re warm.” I thought-spoke. “So’s 
everyone. We all have this high body temperature.” “It’s nice being next to you.” “It’s 
nice being next to you too.” I smiled and we cuddled in front of the fire.
	“Hmm... that was a pretty well executed op.” said the commander. “Yes, sir... he’s 
a powerful man.” “I don’t know what it is, but it’s strange... your Twilight’s Hammer 
group all commited suicide?” “Yes. We at the Twilight’s Hammer believe that death is the 
final form of life, that it’s an improvement, and everyone must strive to go back to the 
Twilight they were spawned from. So we selflessly dedicate our lives to helping people 
reach Twilight and only go when we can’t serve anymore.” “Very nice.” “Sir, we are still 
in your debt. Don’t worry.” “That attack went just as I planned... New Vegeta’s Nuclear 
Weapons Program is going down... their president already promotes disarmament, doesn’t 
he?” “Yes.” “Hmm... now we know their secrets. Soon, the universe will be at our 
disposal. My dream will be realized!” “Yes, Mr. O.” “You may go now.” 
	What was that? I wondered. What is it? asked Ryoko. I just experienced a 
paragraph in which there’s some sort of villain... the hostage rescue op I orchestrated was 
all a game for them to get their paws on my nuclear secrets. And they plan to take over the 
universe. I said. Oh my god... do you know who their leader is? ... Sort of... his name is 
Mr. O. ... Mr. O? That’s weird. ... I thought so myself. ... Let’s not worry about that now... 
Okay. She turned me towards her. I began to kiss her cheek, then moved downward from 
there. She licked her lips and looked upward. She laid down and pulled me down on top of 
her by my shirt. “I’m hungry.” I said, my face going steely. “Not now, get something to 
eat later.” “For you.” “Well, that’s nothing new- wait, what’d you say? You never say 
stuff like that. I’m the one who says that.” “I want you...” “You have me. Just like I have 
you.” My face suddenly softened. “Was that me just now?” My face turned almost 
entirely red. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to be so crude to you... so possessive...” “I like 
it.” “I was completely mistak- what?” “I like it. And now you got me started, so... you’re 
going to have to finish.” she said, grinning. “I can’t.” I said, sitting up and putting my 
hand to my forehead. “What is it? What’s wrong? Don’t start with this ‘it doesn’t feel 
right’ crap! I’m all hot now and you won’t even follow up!” “I swore I’d never behave 
that way around you...” “Didn’t you hear me before? I like it.” “But I don’t. You’re my 
goddess... I can’t speak that way to you! I’m sorry...” “I’ve already said I like it! How 
many times do I have to repeat myself?” “I’m sorry because I can’t do it...” “I really 
think you need some counseling or something, because I want to do it! Now!” “Must we 
continually get into these arguments? Maybe I’m not the one for you after all.” Her face 
suddenly took on a concerned expression. “Look, we might not always agree, but we love 
each other, right? I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved in my life. And I know that 
you feel the same way.” “I do... but love can take place between anyone... you once 
thought that you were destined to be Tenchi’s lover too, didn’t you?” “This is different. I 
know it.” “Of course it’s different! Not to open old wounds, but he and I are the only two 
people you’ve ever felt this way towards in your entire life!” “I know... but this is much 
stronger than the romantic connection I had with Tenchi.” she said, her eyes growing a little 
wet. “Don’t cry...” “I don’t want you to go away, Alex...” “It may be the only choice I 
have left.” “No! Don’t! Please! I love you!” “I love you too... but is it the right kind of 
love?” “It is! I don’t know what I can do to convince you that it is, but it is!” “I don’t 
believe anything that doesn’t have evidence to back it up.” “Matters of emotion are 
different! I hate this scientific view! You know that we’re right together!” “This is as hard 
for me as it is for you.” “Then stop it! Stop doubting yourself and live!” “It’d be too 
difficult to love you wondering if it’s right.” “Too difficult for you! I really think you’re 
being self-centered.” “I can’t allow you to receive empty love, love wrought forth with pity 
and self-doubt.” “Since when do you make decisions for me?” “I’m making this decision 
for myself. I have to think.” “Don’t leave me!” she said, tears streaming out of her eyes. 
The pain was building up inside of her. What is he doing?I love you, can’t you see that? 
she thought. Pain was wracking my body as well. “I’m so sorry.” “Don’t go! Don’t! 
Please!” Her throat was hoarse from pain. We spent several seconds staring at each other, 
breathing. Tears were streaming down her face. My eyes were watery too. Half a minute 
passed. You’re beautiful when you’re sad... I thought. I won’t lose you! she thought. “This 
is why I don’t think we’re right for each other. I’ve caused you so much pain already. I’m 
a monster.” “No...” she said emptily. “I have to go. For you. I won’t cause you pain 
anymore.” “Don’t...” she said, again with futility. I disappeared. A single spherical tear 
fell down from where I was standing before and hit the couch. “Noooooooooooooooo!” 
she screamed. She collapsed onto the couch, sobbing. 
	I walked fast towards the portal. Tears streamed down my face. Images of her 
flashed through my mind, her smiling face, her mischievous grin, and finally her tear-stained 
visage. That image had to go. I can’t make you sad any longer. I thought. “What’s 
wrong?” asked Tenchi, noticing my face from the field I was passing. I blasted the ground 
in front of him creating a ravine three thousand feet deep and seven feet long, throwing up a 
tremendous amount of dirt. He fainted. I stepped through the portal. The last thing I heard 
was the chirping of a bird before the green gooey surface enveloped me and transported me 
to my homeland, the land of treason, the land of war, the land of cold, away from my love, 
my sunshine, my life. I stepped out into the snow and a tear fell down my face, but it froze 
solid before it hit the ground. I looked down at the tear, and saw it looked just like a perfect 
crystal. I picked it up and shattered it with my fist. I began walking towards the Green 
House, thinking I would never return. 
TO BE CONTINUED...

Sorry, I left ya hanging there, didn’t I? Well, screw you! I’m working on another part!
By the way, if you’ve forgotten, flame all you want. I’ll be happy to get the communication, 
but just remember, there’s a fic out there where a new arrival rapes and murders Sasami, and 
I personally think that’s far more twisted than the tame little War and Peace of fanfics here. 
I hope you enjoyed it, but if you didn’t, that’s fine with me. You’ll note that I obeyed 
grammar here, unlike some writers. The text encompassed 66 full pages, and this is only 
part one! Go ahead, try and MST it. I dare you. Either you’ll have to spend a good three 
months on it, or it’ll turn out to be a poor-quality skimmer MST. So basically you can do 
whatever you want with this fic except claim it as your own or sell it. Ciao!