Subject: [FFML] [TENCHI][SPAMFIC][SILLY][UNFINISHED BUSINESS]UB: The 1:* Bloopers Date: Sun, 15 Aug 1999 07:06:47 -0400 (EDT) From: "Dennis Carr" To: "ffml@fanfic.com" I crufted this together when I was very bored, or when inspiration had otherwise dried up for the moment. Yes, they're contrived, deal with it. I've suffered long enough, now it's your turn. ^_^ -Dennis Unfinished Business: The Bloopers 1:1 Balcony Take 1 Hikaru: First class criminal Ryoko, casefile...um, what was that number? Karmin: (off camera) 80812029! Take 2 Hikaru: First class criminal Ryokublublbla! Dammit! Take 3 Hikaru: First class crimimimimiminimal, oh shit. Ryoko: (whap's Hikaru over the head and vanishes again for entrance) Take 4 Hikaru: First class criminal Ryoko, casefile eight four eight...um, (sings) eight six seven five three oh nine. All: (off camera) (mumbling in various languages) 1:2 In the Masaki Residence Tanaka: You're leaving? Trakal: I don't want to, I have do blu flubblblaloofublahahaha. (cracks up) Tanaka: (cracks up) Living room, moving in scene Aeka: I will kindly thank you to, um, screw up my line. (grins, exits) Aeka meets Hikaru again scene Take 1 Hikaru: (in Juraian) Lady Aeka of Jurai, the, um, dog is peeing *bequest!* of the, um, author, I, ah, oh shit, Dennis, can we try that again? Aeka and Hikaru: (crack up) Dennis: (off screen) Yeah, save it. Take two! Take 2 Hikaru: (simply cracks up, grabs Aeka's shoulder) Aeka: (rolls eyes, grins) Take 3 Hikaru: (opens mouth, closes it, suddenly looks puzzled, pulls two spoons out of nowhere, and sings the Swedish Chef Theme Song to Aeka, complete with taps on the doorjamb with each "bork".) Aeka: (falls over laughing) Mihoshi: (Walks out of door, rolls eyes, closes door, laughs from off camera) 1:3 Running out for the funeral scene Hikaru: (runs out door, trips over doorjamb, faceplants into landing, and makes it very clear that he is "going regimental" for about half a second; stands up, grabs his behind, and runs back in; runs back out, grabs pipes, grins, and swaggers back in) "A rose by any other name" scene Aeka: Well, a dress by oh MAN! Hikaru: (limpwrists and goes high) Yeth, ith the oh MAN! collection, only at bloomingdaleth. Ithn't it fabulouth? Hikaru: No, it's ah, ah, AH-CHOO! Yes, that too. 1:4 In the Captain's office, Brea PD (note: a * indicates where Kiyone stifles her laughter) Ignakowski: ...and now we put you behind the wheel, * and you kill it, Kurumitsu. * You have an explanation? Kiyone: (simply busts up laughing and falls out of the chair) Sasami gets home... Ryoohki: (jumps on Sasami's lap, falls off onto the sofa) Miya! Miya miya miya! Ryoohki: (jumps on Sasami's lap) Sasami: (scritches her chin, looks around nervously) Ummmmm, what was my line? 1:5 Walking doors scene Take 1 Hikaru and Tenchi: (Walk out of respective doors, collide, walk back in) Take 2: Hikaru: (Walks out, stops, holds his eye) Um, I'm losing a contact lens here. Tenchi: (beats him once with a shinai, walks back in) Baka! In the lab, first time Washuu: When I was pregnant years - nay, millenia - ago, I, um, completely forgot my line. Tanaka: Yes, she makes a mean antacid, but can't follow a script! Washuu: (looking not serious) Dammit, I'm a scientist, not an actor! 1:6 Fight and Explosion scene Mihoshi: (walks on, sword passes through her neck) Dennis: (off camera) Um, cut, FX, there wasn't a slice mark on there. Ryoko: (Stops fighting, pulls off her head, throws it off camera) Mihoshi: (pulls "Index Finger Special" out, shoots the camera) Dennis: Gah! Hikaru: (Runs, pins Sasami against the wall, and nothing happens) Um, aren't we supposed to have an explosion here? Ryoko: um, BOOM! Aeka: Ka-blam! Hikaru: (hamming it up, clutching chest and reeling) Oh, agony! In a moment I will be a very grave man! Sasami: Oh, my god, what a NERD! A/R/T/W/K/M: (laughing) Hikaru: Oh, the humanity! 1:7 Carrying him into the lab Washuu: Tenchi, help me carry him into the medic- (stops) Hikaru-dummy: (leg falls off) Washuu: (looks and feigns fear) OH MY GOD, HE HAS LEPROSY! Tenchi: (rotfl) Hikaru: (walks in) Gimme back my leg! Trakal threatens him... Trakal: (aims gun) Freeze. SFX: (Aaooogah!) Trakal: (looks at gun, aims again) Freeze. SFX: (screeching tires) Trakal: (looks, aims) Freeze. SFX: (insert random Star Trek Enterprise-D SFX here) Trakal: (rolls eyes, walks off for re-entry) Later, same scene... Trakal: (removes gun from arm) Look, sorry about all that, but um, I forgot what I was going to say. (grins) Starbucks scene: Take 1 Trakal: (looking absolutely frightened) No! He's here! He's coming towar- (cracks up) Hikaru: (sips his coffee and sits down) Take 2 Trakal: (Looking absolutely frightened) No! He's here! He's (cracks up) Oh dammit! Hikaru: (smiles slightly) Did Ryoko add something to your coffee? Take 3 Trakal: (simply cracks up) OK, OK, I think I'll have it on the next take. Hack scene, part one Hikaru: Open system log, time index, twenty minutes ago. Computer: (beeps twice) Hikaru: This computer has performed an illegal operation... Alright, who's the wiseass who installed Windows 95 on this thing?! 1:8 Balcony Ryoko: You mean you spent a week cooped up just to come out of a closet and...um, wait, that didn't come out right. Aeka: (sultry) I love you, Ryoko. At Denny's Aeka: (sips her tea, abruptly spits it back into the cup) There's something solid in here! In the lab... Lucy: Um...Okay. (pauses) What was my line again? 1:9 Living room yet again Hikaru: Listen, it happened, I'm alive, and I have no idea what the hell I'm saying. Can we stop for coffee? Aeka: (glomps onto Hikaru) Hikaru: (spills his coffee onto the carpet)