Tsuzuki Muyo!

INTRODUCTION:

This story is based on the characters and situations from the OVA series of
Tenchi Muyo.  Just to warn you before I start-if you're a big fan of Ayeka,
Mihoshi, or Sasami, they don't appear in this episode (or the next one), so
you probably shouldn't bother reading it (or flaming me).  This story is
mainly focused on Washu, Kiyone, Ryoko, and Tenchi.  I know some people
don't consider Kiyone part of the OVA continuity, but I had to add her in
because I like her character from the TV series.  Other than Kiyone's
addition, this is based on the OVA series, not the TV series or movies.

Having said all that, I sincerely hope you enjoy the fic.  This is the
first fanfic I've ever written, so if you want to see more, please let me
know if you liked it.  If you hated it...well...(sweatdrop)...at least it's
just a hobby and not my day job.  All the fanfics I write (which so far is
just this one) are up on the Web at
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bridge/4210/index.html.  I would definitely
appreciate any constructive C&C you have...please send any comments to
brian_j_smith@mindspring.com, and enjoy the story!

-Brian Smith

Fine Print: Tenchi Muyo is the intellectual property of Pioneer and AIC.  I
have no rights to these characters whatsoever.  Hopefully Pioneer/AIC won't
mind my borrowing their characters for a little while.


EPISODE 1: IYAMI


    Kiyone guided her spaceship through the void, heading towards the tiny
blue speck with a feeling of dread in her stomach.  She had the same
vaguely nauseous feeling she always got when she heard the word 'Mihoshi.'
Looking at the breathtaking panorama of stars outside the cockpit, Kiyone
wondered how Mihoshi could possibly have survived an encounter with the
feared space pirate Ryoko and the mad scientist Washu.  Kiyone closed her
eyes and sighed.  She had seen the report with her own eyes, in Mihoshi's
handwriting, so she was definitely alive.  Her supervisor hadn't let her
read it, though, which made Kiyone suspicious.  While being partnered with
Mihoshi might have had its adverse effects on her career, Kiyone was still
one of the top prospects in the younger generation of Galaxy Police
officers.  She was well trained, intelligent, and-from dealing with
Mihoshi-had the ability to remain calm in stressful situations.  She was
also a very attractive woman, with blue eyes, long, dark blue hair, and a
good figure.  Opening her eyes, she saw that the blue speck was getting
closer, becoming a tiny blue sphere set against the infinite background of
space.

    "Please," Kiyone said quietly.  "Let Mihoshi be anywhere else in the
galaxy."



    Tenchi stood out in the field, pulling up carrots under the noonday
sun.  He stopped and wiped his forehead with his sleeve.  It was hot, too
hot to be out here picking carrots much longer, Tenchi told himself.  It
was a pity, he thought, that in spite of his Juraian blood, light-hawk
sword, and all that, he didn't have something that could help him pick
carrots.  He briefly toyed with asking Washu to invent something for him,
but he shuddered at the thought of a giant Washu-designed carrot-picking
robot going haywire and deciding to pick houses or buildings instead of
carrots.  Tenchi shook his head as he thought about Washu-she had defeated
Dr. Clay and he thought of her as family now, but her examinations made
going to the dentist seem like a piece of cake.

    He looked up in the sky, half-expecting to see Ryoko barreling towards
him.  He didn't see her, and was kind of disappointed.  Looking at his
watch, he laughed to himself.

    "She's probably still asleep," Tenchi said out loud, laughing.  It was
only noon, after all.  His face took on a more serious expression as he
thought about the scene the day before.  Mihoshi had taken Ayeka and Sasami
back to Jurai for Startica, and Ayeka had asked Tenchi if she wanted to
come.  Ryoko had argued briefly with Ayeka about trying to seduce Tenchi,
but then uncharacteristically she had phased out and left the room.  Tenchi
had declined, and he could tell Ayeka had been disappointed.  She hadn't
even said goodbye when she had left in the morning, although Sasami had
prepared lunch and left it in the refrigerator with a note.  He smiled
thinking about Sasami-she really was like the little sister he had never
had.  But, Tenchi thought, why hadn't he gone?  Part of him wanted to go,
but he knew it would upset Ryoko...or was he just afraid of a rib-cracking
hug from Ayeka and Sasami's mother?  He knew Ayeka and Ryoko both wanted to
be his girlfriend-had he decided between them by not going to Jurai?
Tenchi sweatdropped thinking about the scene Ayeka would make if she came
back and Ryoko and Tenchi were dating.  He really didn't want to hurt
either of them, but didn't he owe it to them to make a decision?  He liked
Ryoko more than Ayeka, he had to admit, but was he 100% sure Ryoko was the
one for him?  Could he look Ayeka in her face, with tears welling in her
eyes, and tell her he loved her like a sister, but nothing more?  What if
he dated Ryoko and things didn't work out?  If he did start dating her,
Tenchi thought nervously, he was pretty sure the first thing Ryoko would
want to do was to take him somewhere remote and--

    "Ten-chi!" Ryoko yelled, giving Tenchi a tenth of a second to turn
around before she slammed into him from above with enough force to make
Tenchi feel like he'd been run over by the bullet train.  He saw stars
dancing above his head as he found himself on the ground with Ryoko hugging
him, knocked about thirty feet from where he had been standing.

    "Ryoko..." Tenchi said weakly, the wind half knocked out of him.

    "Are you glad to see me, Tenchi?" Ryoko said with a smile.  Tenchi
smiled weakly back at her.

    "Ryoko, I'm always glad to see you.  But maybe next time you could try
slowing down a little before you hug me.  It might break fewer ribs," he
said with a grin.



    Iyami looked out the window that dominated the bridge of his starship
and saw the Earth, a blue speck of light in the distance.  It looked like a
perfectly good target to obliterate.  He sat in a throne-like command chair
on the bridge of his starship and scowled at his surroundings.  The bridge
had pastel pinks and blues dominating the decor, and chairs that were
fuzzy, warm, and inviting.  The bridge of his ship was done in such a
saccharin-cute style that most people's reaction when they first saw it was
"it's so cute, you just want to give it a hug."  This annoyed the hell out
of Iyami.

    He was still seething over being kicked out of the Galactic Science
Academy, and the pastel, cuddly bridge was not a good atmosphere for
seething.  He had ordered the interior designer shot, but now, as he looked
around him, he wished he had been able to come up with a more creative,
painful way of killing him.  He had thought about getting it re-designed,
but there just wasn't time.  Iyami was determined to show the galaxy who
its new master would be as soon as possible, and like most madmen, he was
convinced that the master in question would be him.  

    Iyami allowed himself a grin as he contemplated the universe's reaction
to his impending destruction of the Earth.  The fact that it was in a
complete backwater was unfortunate, but the truth was his crew was
incompetent, and while he should be able to outrun any Galaxy Police
cutters that would come after him, he didn't want to take the chance.
Actually, he thought, incompetent was far  too generous to describe his
crew.  His crew was possibly dumber than the fuzzy pastel chairs that
decorated the bridge.  His crew was just one man, although "ape that
accidentally figured out how to walk upright" was a more fitting
description of him in Iyami's view.

    "Are we there yet, Mr. I?" the man/entire crew said, turning around in
his fuzzy pastel green chair and looking at Iyami with a look of immense
stupidity on his face.  Iyami winced.  It wasn't supposed to be like this.
They would be reaching the Earth in five minutes, destroying it in ten,
despite its status as a Jurai-protected planet.  Right after that he would
be announcing to the universe that not only did he have the banned
dimensional cannon in his possession, but he had the balls to use it, and
neither the Jurai or Galaxy Police could stop him.  After that, everyone
might as well accept him as the new ruler of the galaxy.  There was no way
he could fail, Iyami thought with an evil grin.

    "Mr. I?" the man asked again, still looking for an answer to his
question.  Iyami snapped out of his reverie.

    "Namekuji, what did I tell you never, ever to call me again?" Iyami
asked.

    "I think it was Mr. Something, Mr. I,  but I can't remember what,"
Namekuji replied.

    "Maybe it was..." Iyami said, his voice growing softer so Namekuji
would have to strain to listen.  "Mr. I!" he yelled.  "In fact, I'm pretty
sure I told you if you called me 'Mr. I' again, I'd put you in the airlock
and launch you into space, didn't I?" Iyami finished.  Namekuji pondered
this for a second.  Then another.

    "But, Mr. I," Namekuji protested.  "There isn't any air in space."
Iyami wished he had installed the crew chair electrocution system he had
wanted, but there hadn't been time before he'd hastily had to leave the
Academy.  Instead, he tried counting to ten, then fifteen, until he finally
regained some composure.

    "Let me make this perfectly clear.  You can not call me Mr. I.  You can
call me either 'sir' or 'Iyami-sama.'  Clear?" Iyami asked.

    "Crystal clear, sir," Namekuji replied, snapping him a surprisingly
crisp salute.

    "Now what was your question?" Iyami asked.

    "I don't remember, sir," Namekuji replied.  Iyami shook his head in
despair, but then remembered what he'd asked and why that was somewhat
alarming.

    "Did you ask when we're going to get there?" Iyami asked.

    "Oh, yeah, that's right, Mr. I, I did," Namekuji replied.  Iyami
winced, but let the 'Mr. I' slide, deciding at the moment when he was about
to demonstrate his control of the galaxy it just wasn't worth getting into.

    "You're the navigator," Iyami said.  "You're the one who's supposed to
tell me when we're getting there!" he yelled. Namekuji had been a lab
assistant but had flunked out of the Academy and Iyami, seeing 'navigator'
on his resume, had taken him along.  Iyami refused on principle to dirty
himself with the details of flying the ship, not to mention the fact that
he didn't know how.  Still, he thought, it couldn't be that complicated,
and they had at least found the Earth.

    "Oh, that's right.  I'm the navigator then," Namekuji said, turning
back to his post.  The blue point of light ahead of them was beginning to
get brighter.



    Kiyone opened the hatch of her spaceship and looked around her as she
stepped down to the grass.  She was parked in front of the Masaki house,
which seemed empty.  In front of her, the lake reflected the sun's rays,
and only a few wispy clouds swept across an otherwise clear blue sky.  A
warm breeze drifted over the lake, and Kiyone couldn't help but feel
relaxed.  Then she noticed the hot springs floating over the lake and went
for her blaster.  Washu was definitely here.  Kiyone wasn't under orders to
arrest her, but she was sure Washu wouldn't leave her new base of
operations unguarded.  Kiyone unsnapped the holster for her blaster and
walked towards the house.

    "Kiyone, right?" a voice behind her said.  Kiyone spun around,
surprised because a moment ago she had been positive there was no one
around, and the only thing behind her should be the lake.  Washu stood in
front of her, waving.

    "W-W-W..." Kiyone said.

    "Call me Washu-chan!" Washu said, bowing to Kiyone.  Kiyone bowed back.

    "I'm not here to arrest you-"

    "That's good," Washu replied with a smirk.

    "I was sent by the Galaxy Police to look for Mihoshi," Kiyone said.
Not wanting to hear the answer, she asked "is Mihoshi here by any chance?"

    "No, you just missed her.  She took Princesses Ayeka and Sasami back to
Jurai for the Startica festival," Washu explained.

    "Really!" Kiyone exclaimed happily.  "I mean, well, I guess that's it
then."

    "Come in for lunch, if you want," Washu said.  "Tenchi and Ryoko should
be back any minute now."  Kiyone heard her stomach grumble, and she was
curious to meet the infamous space pirate Ryoko.

    "Sure," Kiyone replied.  Something felt deeply wrong about having lunch
with the legendary mad scientist Washu, but Kiyone told herself if Washu
had wanted to kill her, she would have been blasted out of space with a
dimensional cannon by now.  Besides, Mihoshi's report had cast Washu in a
favorable light.

    Washu's early-warning system watch, her latest invention, beeped
suddenly as Washu opened the screen door to the living room for Kiyone.
Washu frowned at it.

    "Can you excuse me for a moment?" she asked Kiyone.  "I have to go deal
with something."

    "OK," Kiyone replied, sitting down on the sofa.  Washu walked over to
what looked like a closet, opened the door, and walked into a room that
seemed much bigger than it should have been for the space.

    Washu sat down in a chair in her lab and a virtual keyboard and display
materialized in front of her.  She typed quickly and stared in disbelief at
what the display was telling her.

    "The nerve, using my own invention against me," she said, shaking her
head.  She typed a few commands, laughed to herself, and went back out of
her lab.



    "Are we ready to fire yet?" Iyami asked irritably.  He was a firm
believer in the class system, mainly because he considered himself part of
the ruling class.  Unfortunately for him, the lower classes, namely his
one-man crew, were having problems flying the ship.

    "I think I've got it now, Mr. I.  No worries," Namekuji said, flashing
a thumbs-up and then turning to look at the control panel in front of him,
which had a blinking red light on it.  Namekuji learned his head down
inches above the light and stared at it.

    "Well?" Iyami asked nervously.  He knew it was beneath him to fly the
ship, but he was beginning to think despite absolutely no training he might
be a great deal better at it than Namekuji.  Namekuji pulled his head back
up and scratched his head, still looking at the blinking light.

    "I wonder what that blinking light means?" he wondered aloud.  Iyami
closed his eyes and kept telling himself killing Namekuji would leave him
with no crew at all.  Still, he felt it might be therapeutic to pull his
laser and vaporize both the idiot and the pastel chair he was sitting in.

    "Who cares?" Iyami finally snapped.  "Do you have the Earth targeted?"
he asked.  In front of them was the blue sphere of the Earth, looking like
a perfect marble.  It was far enough away that the blast wouldn't hurt
them, and since they had the sun behind them, Iyami figured the radiation
and light would make it impossible for Earth's primitive equipment to
detect them.  Iyami had ordered the radar jamming device turned on just to
be sure.

    "Right.  I think it needs to charge up before it fires, though, Mr. I,"
Namekuji said.

    "Get on with it," Iyami snapped back.  He wanted nothing more than to
see the blue globe in front of him blasted into a thousand pieces.  It
wasn't anything personal, but the sooner it was gone, the sooner Iyami's
rule of the galaxy could begin.



    Tenchi and Ryoko's laughter could be heard as they came up to the front
door of the house.  Washu smiled to herself, feeling Ryoko's happiness
through her link with her.  The front door opened.

    "I'm home!" Tenchi called.  He and Ryoko stopped as they saw Washu
sitting on the couch, watching TV with Kiyone.  Ryoko flinched as she saw
the uniform.

    "Galaxy Police?" Ryoko said.

    "I'm not here to arrest you," Kiyone said for the second time that day,
standing up and wondering how Mihoshi managed to find a place with so many
famous criminals in it.  "My name is Kiyone.  I'm Mihoshi's partner," she
managed to say.

    "I'm sorry," Ryoko replied with a smirk.



    Iyami was staring out the window at the Earth, his fingers tapping on
the fuzzy pastel pink armrest of his command chair.  He was getting
irritated, since it had been half an hour and the dimensional cannon still
wasn't ready to go.  The Earth filled the window in front of him,
definitely within firing range.  Then something occurred to him which he
had the feeling was going to irritate him even more.

    "Namekuji?" Iyami asked.

    "Yes, Mr. I?" Namekuji asked, turning around in his chair to face him.

    "Didn't I tell you not to call me Mr. I?"

    "Maybe, I can't remember, Mr. I," Namekuji said, shrugging and turning
back to face his computer screen.

    "That wasn't my question," Iyami continued, and Namekuji turned around
again, a puzzled look on his face.

    "It wasn't?"

    "Is the dimensional cannon charged yet?" Iyami asked.

    "Sure.  It finished charging..." Namekuji said, turning back to his
computer screen, "exactly 26 minutes ago, Mr. I."  Iyami seethed for a
moment, realized it wouldn't do any good, and then stood up from his chair
and walked forward to stand in front of the window.  In a couple minutes,
he was going to regret getting up from his seat belt-equipped chair, but at
the moment he just wanted as close to a front-row seat as he could get for
the destruction of Earth.

    "Namekuji...next time we fire the dimensional cannon, and it's
charging, what would be the right thing for you to do when it's charged?"
Iyami asked, not looking at Namekuji.

    "Um...make some coffee, Mr. I?" Namekuji suggested.

    "You're supposed to tell me when it's done charging, you idiot!" Iyami
yelled, whirling to face him.  Namekuji scratched his head.

    "Oh...." he said.  Iyami regained control and faced the Earth again.

    "Fire the dimensional cannon," Iyami said, raising his arm.  "Now!" he
said, lowering his arm for emphasis.  Nothing happened.

    "At the Earth?"

    "Yes, at the Earth!  Didn't you have it targeted!"

    "Well, sure, Mr. I, but if you changed your mind I didn't want to-"

    "Just...fire...the...cannon," Iyami said slowly.

    "Right, then," Namekuji said, "but that red light is still blinking,
and-"

    "Damn the red light!" Iyami yelled.  "It's probably a short circuit or
something!  Now fire the cannon!"

    "Right!" Namekuji said, sounding unusually focused.  He reached
forward, and with one swift motion, pressed the fire button on the control
panel.  A second later, the Earth did not blow into a million pieces.
Instead, the ship lunged forwards towards the Earth with impossible speed,
sending Iyami flying backwards across the room, knocking Namekuji out of
his seat, and sending pastel furniture, which in another brilliant interior
design move was all on rollers, sliding all over hell.

    Iyami, slumped against the back wall which he had just hit with amazing
force, raised his head weakly off the pink carpet and looked around the
bridge.  A chair rolled towards him and he barely got his hands up in time
to keep it from smacking into his head.  Warning sirens blared, red light
bathed the bridge, every possible warning or failure light on the control
panels or the banks of computers along the walls was blinking angrily, and
the window in front of them was bathed in the fiery red glow caused by the
friction of their plunge into Earth's atmosphere.  The ship was shaking and
making groaning noises that sounded like it was going to some apart at any
second.  A second earlier, everything had been fine, and Iyami wondered if
he had been unconscious.  He looked around to see Namekuji, struggling to
stay upright in his chair as it slid around on its rollers.

    "What the hell?" Iyami yelled, as the automatic fire extinguishing
system kicked on, dumping halon into the bridge, and making it hard to see
through the smoke.  Iyami coughed, trying to remember if halon was toxic.

    "The Earth's still there, Mr. I.  And I think it's getting bigger,"
Namekuji yelled over the din.

    "Turn off the fire extinguishers!" Iyami yelled, getting up and
wobbling across the bridge as the ship shook.  Just as he was about to make
it to his command chair, the ship lurched left and he was thrown back to
the ground.

    "Sorry-wrong button," Namekuji said, turning around and shrugging.  His
chair fell over, knocking Namekuji to the carpet as well.  Iyami staggered
up into his command chair.  He looked at the window in front of them and
all he could see was ground getting much, much, closer.

    "Brakes!" Iyami yelled.  "Reverse thrust!  For the love of God fire all
engines reverse!"  Namekuji nodded, crawled over to his console, pressed a
button, and flipped the ship completely upside down, causing Iyami to hang
for his life onto his command chair while the rest of the chairs on rollers
crashed down thirty feet to what had been the ceiling of the bridge.
Namekuji was hanging on to his console with one arm, reaching up with the
other to try to reach the button again.

    "Sorry, Mr. I!" he yelled over the noise.

    "Namekuji, just hit the brakes!  Hit anything!" he yelled as the ground
grew closer and he could make out individual trees, which were getting very
close, very fast.  Namekuji closed his eyes, which didn't improve Iyami's
confidence he was going to hit the right button.  Before he could press a
button, the ship's engines screamed to life and the whole ship shook as the
ship's engines and the Earth's gravity did their best to rip it in two.  A
few moments later, there was an incredible crash as they slammed into the
surface.

    Iyami saw nothing but darkness, and he was starting to think he might
be dead, until he realized he could make out stars.  Looking past the ones
dancing around his head, he could see the dark blue sky through the rising
smoke and a gash in the framework of the ship.  He was alive-now he could
only hope-

    "I'm OK, Mr. I!  Don't worry!" Namekuji called from behind some tipped
over computer banks.  Iyami sighed.  One more hope that didn't work out.



    Tenchi, Ryoko, Kiyone, Washu, Nobuyuki, and Yosho stood out on the back
porch, barbecuing and joking as the sun went down over the lake.  Tenchi
had always liked evenings, bringing a cool breeze after the day's heat, and
the soft light from the moon was easier on the eyes.

    "Should we break out some sake, Tenchi?" Ryoko asked.  Tenchi took a
bite out of his dinner and shook his head.

    "Maybe tomorrow night," he replied with a smile.  Ryoko nodded,
realizing he didn't want to celebrate anything so soon after Ayeka's
departure.  Ryoko couldn't say she was heartbroken at Ayeka's heading back
to Jurai for a while, but it did seem strange not to have a verbal sparring
partner around.  She had never professed to like Ayeka, but she knew that
she did love Tenchi, and she respected that.  The thought of Tenchi
choosing Ayeka instead of her had caused Ryoko a lot of worry when they
first met, but after a while she could tell she was getting closer to
Tenchi. Ayeka was Ryoko's rival, but she was almost like a sister sometimes
too-granted, a really annoying sister, Ryoko thought, but it still felt
like part of their family was missing.  Ryoko looked up at the sky and
wished Ayeka would find her true love-and that it would be anyone but
Tenchi.

    "Do you need any help, Nobuyuki?" Kiyone asked as Tenchi's father put
meat on the barbecue.  She had ended up talking with Tenchi and Ryoko all
afternoon, and their version of events was remarkably consistent with
Mihoshi's report, and infinitely more clear and concise.  Tenchi had asked
if she wanted to stay for dinner too, and she had decided there was no
reason not to.  The Earth, Kiyone thought, was a nice place for a vacation,
and she envied Tenchi and the rest that got to live here full time.

    "Thank you, I-" Nobuyuki started to say.

    Ryoko noticed the flash of light first and turned her head quickly to
track it.  What started as a bright point of light in the sky quickly
became a fiery streak across the sky, as everyone turned their heads to
look.  Having seen and been part of quite a few crash-landings themselves,
no one was panicked but they watched the ship drop behind the mountains,
wincing a little as the boom from the crash echoed through the otherwise
calm night air.  Everyone had their heads turned to watch the column of
smoke from the crash site begin to reach up into the sky.  For a moment,
everyone was too stunned to speak.

    "There might be people hurt," Kiyone said.  "We should go investigate."

    "We'll have to go see if they need help.  Washu?" Tenchi asked, turning
to face Washu, who hadn't turned around and was still munching on her
burger.

    "Don't worry, Lord Tenchi," Washu said, turning around and smiling.
"No one is injured."

    "Washu!  Did you cause that?  I should have guessed," Ryoko said.

    "Who are they, Washu?" Tenchi asked.

    "I don't know," Washu replied, although those were three words she
didn't particularly like to use.  "They appeared in orbit around the Earth
a few hours ago and were preparing to fire a dimensional cannon at the
Earth."

    "A dimensional cannon!" Ryoko exclaimed.  "That would destroy the whole
planet!"

    "Not with the Number One Scientist in the Universe on guard!" Washu
exclaimed, making a number one sign with her index finger.

    "How did you stop them, Washu-chan?" Tenchi asked.

    "The ship they're flying is stolen from the Science Academy, and like
all Science Academy ships it's simple to break into its computer core.
From there, it was just a matter of crashing the ship just hard enough so
they wouldn't take off again.  I'm curious who would come all the way out
to Earth to try to destroy it.  Not to mention who would have built a
dimensional cannon," Washu replied.

    "I'll go investigate," Ryoko said, with a  thumbs up sign towards
Tenchi.  Tenchi barely caught her arm as she was preparing to fly out
towards the crash site.

    "Wait, Ryoko!" Tenchi said urgently.  "It could be dangerous.  It'll be
safer if we all go together."  Ryoko dropped back to the ground and smiled
at him.  She knew it could be dangerous, but this had never bothered her
before and she wasn't going to let it start bothering her now.  Still, it
was sweet that he was concerned about her.  She gave him a quick hug.

    "OK.  You win.  I don't think a ship that couldn't keep itself from
crashing is going to be a threat, but if you want we'll go together," Ryoko
said, with a mischievous smile.  Tenchi looked slightly nervous,
recognizing that smile.

    "Um...Ryoko, what do you-" he started.

    "Let's go!" Ryoko said, grinning and grabbing Tenchi by the arm and
shooting up into the air.

    "Aaaarrggh!" Tenchi yelled as the ground dropped off below them and the
others waved up at them.  "This isn't what I was talking about!"

    "Isn't the view great from up here!" Ryoko said above the sound of the
rushing wind.  Tenchi looked down at the treetops and immediately held on
to Ryoko as tight as he possibly could.  "Ak!" Ryoko said, as one of
Tenchi's arms wrapped around her neck.  "Can't...breathe..."

    "Ryoko, look out!" Tenchi yelled, releasing her neck to point at a tree
they were heading directly towards at a speed that he didn't think came
close to safe.

    "No problem," Ryoko said, changing course and shooting straight up.
They brushed the top of the tree and soared on towards the wisp of smoke
marking the crash site.  "Are you having fun, Tenchi?" she asked.  Tenchi
looked down at the house and the lake far below them, then around him at
the setting sun.  He had to admit to himself it was beautiful, although
when he looked down he tightened his bear hug on Ryoko and his eyes
widened.

    "Except for the view straight down, it's fine," Tenchi replied.  Ryoko
laughed.

    "Don't worry, Tenchi," she said.  "I won't drop you."  They soared on
over the next ridge, coming in view of the crash site.  Other than a
smoking pit in the ground, it was hard to see much from this high up.
Ryoko did a loop around the crash, then another loop closer to the ground.
There didn't seem to be any movement inside the ship, which in the dying
sunlight was lit up an eerie shade of red.  It looked like it had been
pretty badly damaged, snapped in two by the force of the impact and the
rear half with the engine room in it was still smoking.  It was maybe the
size of Kiyone's ship, the Yagami.

    "Do you see anything, Ryoko?" Tenchi asked, not seeing any signs of
life himself.

    "Nothing.  It looks safe to land," Ryoko said, going into a power dive
that twisted Tenchi's stomach.  The ground rushed up towards them and
Tenchi was about to ask if Ryoko intended to crash just like the wrecked
ship had, when Ryoko gracefully slowed down and set foot on the ground,
with Tenchi still holding tightly onto her.  Tenchi breathed a sigh of
relief as his feet touched the ground, and he loosened his grip on Ryoko.
He looked around, then looked back up in the sky and smiled.  It was a
totally different view from up there, and for a moment he thought that
while the Jurai power was nice when you needed it, it would be really nice
to be able to fly like Ryoko.  Ryoko smiled.

    "Any time you want to go flying, we can go, Tenchi," Ryoko said,
stretching her arms above her head.  She rubbed her side where Tenchi had
been holding her.  "But you might need to learn to hold on a little less
tightly...I really won't let you fall."  Tenchi felt a little embarrassed.

    "Sorry, Ryoko.  I'm not real new to flying, I guess I was a little
panicky..."

    "Don't worry about it.  Should we find out what's in there?" Ryoko
said, pointing to the charred hulk of the ship.  Tenchi pulled his sword
hilt out of his pocket and held it at the ready.

    "Let's go," Tenchi said, nodding to Ryoko.  They rushed into whatever
dangers waited for them inside the wreck of the ship.



    Iyami and Namekuji were nowhere near the crash site.  Instead they were
trudging through the woods with Iyami in the front, the dimensional cannon
floating along behind him, and Namekuji brining up the rear.  Namekuji had
offered to take the lead, but Iyami declined, because with his luck and
complete lack of skill it was likely he would lead them both off the edge
of a cliff.  So Iyami trudged along, marooned on a planet that until very
recently he had been planning to blow up.  Now Iyami needed a new target.
While losing his ship was definitely what could be considered a setback, he
could still make a demonstration that would bring the galaxy to its knees.
No one knew he couldn't leave the Earth, no one knew his ship crashed, and
he could shoot anyone who tried to attack him there out of space with the
dimensional cannon.  The tricky part, Iyami thought, was how he was going
to come up with a new ship.  He could blow something up and then demand a
ship as payment, but that would expose the fact he was stranded.  What was
even in range to blow up, he wondered.  He was in a remote corner of the
galaxy, and the dimensional cannon, if Iyami remembered correctly from the
specs he had stolen to have one built, only had a firing range of a million
miles or so.

    "Are we there yet, Mr. I?" Namekuji called ahead.  They walked through
the forest, with the only sounds coming from their feet and the occasional
branches that got scraped by the dimensional cannon as it floated by.  The
dimensional cannon was about the size of a Honda Civic, but fortunately for
them it floated on an anti-gravity platform so it was relatively easy to
move.  However, it wasn't exactly inconspicuous, so Iyami didn't want them
to make any noise to attract attention.  This was exactly what Namekuji was
doing.

    "Shhhh!" Iyami whispered, as menacingly as possible given that he was
whispering.  "We don't want anyone to hear us, you fool!"

    "No problem, Mr. I!" Namekuji called back cheerily, and about ten times
louder than Iyami had been whispering.  Iyami shook his head and kept
walking through the trees.  They had walked over one ridge of hills
already, and halfway up the next ridge, Iyami had seen an old, abandoned
house.  It didn't look like much from a distance, but anywhere out of sight
that would give him time to think was good.  From what little research
Iyami had done on Earth it seemed like it was a planet where people weren't
advanced enough to deal with a floating dimensional cannon.  In fact, he
remembered reading they hadn't had contact with alien civilizations at all
and that many people believed they were the only intelligent life in the
universe.  Iyami had to chuckle at that--the Earth was in such a complete
galactic backwater that how any sentient life form could think it was the
center of life in the universe baffled him.

    After an uneventful hike that reminded Iyami he hadn't exercised much
at the Science Academy, they reached the abandoned house.  Iyami stood in
front of it and winced.  It was an even worse place that it had looked from
a distance.  It was one story, it looked like it had maybe three or four
rooms, and it had clearly been abandoned for years.  The roof had caved in
over the living room, the front door had rusted off of its hinges and was
lying pathetically in front of it, and a tree had fallen over and crushed
another section of the roof in back.  On the plus side, Iyami thought,
there was no way people would even find them here, so it was as good a
place as any to plan his next move.  It had gotten dark, but an unusually
large moon cast a bright light on the planet.  Looking up at the moon,
Iyami had a brilliant idea.  

    "Namekuji," Iyami said, still looking up at the moon with an evil grin
on his face.  "I am the most brilliant scientist in the galaxy."

    "Even compared to Washu, Mr. I?" Namekuji asked.  Iyami choked.  He
spun around and looked at Namekuji.

    "Didn't...I tell you never to mention that name?" Iyami asked.

    "Washu?" Namekuji asked, scratching his head.

    "Yes!  That name!  Don't say it again!" Iyami yelled, forgetting about
keeping quiet for a moment.  "She's probably dead."

    "Maybe she's just working on something really big," Namekuji suggested.

    "No, she's dead.  It's not like Washu to lay low anywhere.  The whole
time she was at the Academy she walked around talking about how she was the
greatest scientist in the world and watching the faculty throw out their
backs trying to bend over and kiss her ass," Iyami said bitterly.  "Washu
may have invented the dimensional cannon, but she didn't have the balls to
use it.  I do.  And that, Namekuji, is why Washu is dead and I will be the
one who rules the galaxy."

    "Didn't you say you invented the dimensional cannon?"

    "Um...never mind, Namekuji.  Why don't you get the cannon set up
inside, somewhere you can't see it from outside the building.  And don't
fire the damn thing, whatever you do.  I need to figure out what went
wrong," Iyami said.

    "It seems like things worked OK to me, Mr. I," Namekuji said.  Iyami
slowly turned to face him.

    "Didn't I just give you something to do?"

    "Oh, right.  Fire the cannon,"

    "NO!" Iyami yelled.  "Just move the cannon into the house and do not
fire it!" Iyami said.  He considered adding "not yet, anyway" onto that
statement, but decided it might confuse Namekuji into incinerating the
Earth out from under their feet.  "Today," he said, motioning towards the
house.  

    Namekuji nodded and guided the floating cannon towards the house.
Iyami sighed and sat down under a tree in the darkness.  He pulled a small
palmtop device out of his pocket and began pressing its controls as the
screen lit up and displayed rows of data.  Something had gone wrong with
the dimensional cannon, the ship, Namekuji, or all three and he wanted to
find out what.  A quick look at the logs showed that all systems were
working properly, and that Namekuji had pressed a button that caused the
ship to suddenly accelerate and crash into the planet.  A check of the
video camera on the bridge though, aside from reminding Iyami how hideous
the pastel bridge had been, didn't show Namekuji pressing anything at the
moment the ship went into its power dive towards the Earth.  Iyami ran a
thorough check of the logs to see if there had been any tampering, but the
check came up negative.  Given the video evidence, though, he knew someone
had to have tampered with the logs, undoubtedly the same person who had
tapped into the ship's computer and ordered it to crash into the Earth.
Iyami was 99% sure, or at least until recently he had been, that this was
completely impossible.  The computer system on his ship supposedly had
unbreakable security.  The thought of someone outside taking it over made
no sense.  The ship could receive radio and ultra-radio transmissions
broadcast through space, but even if someone figured out how to use that to
get into the ship's computer, how could that someone be on a remote planet
like the Earth?  Iyami himself had no idea how it could be done, and he
chuckled thinking about the mental prowess of people on Earth relative to
his superior mind.  Still, someone at the Science Academy might have
booby-trapped the computer before he had stolen it and ran off with the
dimensional cannon.  He couldn't think of anyone he knew there clever
enough to pull that off, but this gave him just another reason to carry out
his plan of revenge on the Academy after he ascended to power.

    He decided not to worry about it--the damage was done, and it wouldn't
help whining about it now.  He was stuck on a backwater planet, but at
least it was a primitive planet that would be easy to intimidate.  And once
he ruled the Earth, primitive or not, he could direct all of its resources
and people towards building him a new ship, from which he would rule the
galaxy.  It would take a little longer than he had planned originally, but
Iyami was confident the galaxy would still ultimately be his.



    Washu sat in her laboratory, typing away on her keyboard as data
scrolled across her virtual screen.  She knew the ship she had caused to
crash into the Earth had been stolen from the Science Academy--she had
managed to get that much out of hacking into the Galaxy Police's databases.
She also had a pretty good guess that the new "owner" of the now-destroyed
ship had been Iyami, whose dossier from the Science Academy said he was
bright, but overly ambitious, and that he was kicked out of the Academy
right before the ship in question had been stolen.  Trying to build a
dimensional cannon, a weapon all civilized planets had banned because of
its destructive power, definitely qualified as "overly ambitious," Washu
thought.  The Science Academy had expelled him for using Academy funds to
build a dimensional cannon, using stolen plans that Washu had created long
ago.  Washu shuddered as she considered what would have happened if Iyami
had decided to blast a planet other than the Earth--there might not have
been anyone to stop him.  

    Washu pulled up the plans for the cannon and sighed.  She wished she
could go back in time and tell her younger self never to design it.  She
closed her eyes and the expanding circle of light that had been a planet
somewhere near Sirius came back to her, the footage from the news program
that immediately afterwards announced a warrant had been issued for her
arrest as an accomplice to the crime.  The planet destroyed had been
uninhabited--a truly mad scientist was trying to prove he had stolen the
power to take over the universe.  The madman who had fired it was arrested,
but the Galaxy Police and Jurai knew they had been very, very lucky that he
hadn't chosen an inhabited planet and killed billions.  Washu had created a
weapon that could destroy a planet with a single shot, and worst of all the
thing was portable, with a built in anti-gravity pad so you could
effortlessly drag it along behind you.  Before she had met Tenchi and his
friends, Washu had patted herself on the back for being so ingenious, the
anti-gravity pad being a nice touch on the ultimate weapon her brilliance
had produced.  Now, with some time with Tenchi and company behind her, she
knew she might have been brilliant, but she had also been incredibly naive.
She had designed weapons without ever thinking of the consequences,
building them out of the fun of solving scientific problems and not
thinking about the fact that millions could die if they were ever used.

    Iyami had planned to fire on the Earth, with a population of six
billion, and Washu thought that callous disregard for human life made him
dangerous.  Washu's newly-developing conscience told her she had shown some
disregard for life also by building it in the first place, but there was
nothing she could do about that now.  Washu hacked into the Science Academy
computer and deleted the plans for the cannon Iyami had stolen.  Then,
after reviewing her own copy of the plans, she deleted them as well.  She
sighed.  She had spent an entire semester slaving over the plans, just to
prove the cannon could be built.  Now, she hoped, no record of it still
existed.

    Washu pressed a key on her console, and Kiyone's pager started beeping.
Washu was tempted to deal with Iyami herself after what he had tried to do
to her new home planet, but decided it was better to get Kiyone involved.
She had checked up on Kiyone when she had first detected her ship
approaching the Earth, and her record was impressive.  Well, at least up
until she had been partnered with Mihoshi, but Wahsu could understand that.
She sent a quick signal out through the ether, then returned to her work
with a trace of a smirk on her face.



    Inside the ruined spaceship, Ryoko and Tenchi hadn't found much but a
new appreciation for the difference between good interior design and very,
very bad interior design.

    "This makes me want to throw up," Ryoko said, surveying the wrecked
bridge as their flashlights played over the pastel chairs, pink carpet,
wrecked consoles, and walls.  They were standing in the middle of what had
been the bridge, climbing down to it through the hole that had taken the
place of the bridge's ceiling after it had crashed.

    "Someone with very bad taste crashed here.  They must have gotten out
somehow, though.  Do you have any idea how big a dimensional cannon is?"
Tenchi asked.

    "It can blow up a whole planet," Ryoko said, shrugging, "so it has to
be big enough for us to see it.  Whoever owns this ship must have taken it
with them."

    "So you have no idea what it looks like," Tenchi observed.  Ryoko
smiled.

    "That might have been a good question to ask Washu before we left,
huh?" Ryoko said.  Tenchi sighed.

    "Oh well,  I'm sure Washu has it under control.  We should probably go
back," Tenchi said.

    "Do you want to walk?  I can understand if you don't want to fly
again," Ryoko suggested.  Tenchi shook his head no.

    "Actually, Ryoko, I was kind of looking forward to flying back," Tenchi
said.  "You have an amazing power to be able to fly.  If I could do that, I
don't think I'd walk anywhere."  Ryoko grinned.

    "That's exactly how I feel.  Maybe this time I'll show you some
aerobatics.  Flying in a straight line is just boring," Ryoko exclaimed.

    "Ah, Ryoko, since it's my second flight, we should--" Tenchi stammered.
Ryoko jumped up into the air, caught Tenchi in a hug, and soared straight
up out of the spaceship into the air.

    "We're off!" Ryoko yelled as they blasted up into the sky.  Tenchi made
the fatal mistake of looking straight down.

    "Ryokooooo!" Tenchi yelled, his voice echoing across the ridge.



    Iyami heard what sounded like someone yelling, but it sounded far off
so he wasn't too concerned.  Actually it sounded like it was coming from
above him, which puzzled him somewhat, but he finally decided it wasn't
important.  Probably stupid Earth people out camping, he thought, a pastime
that had never made any sense to him.  The way Iyami saw it, if you had a
warm house, why go out in the woods and deal with rats, bugs, and God only
knows what else?  Why throw out thousands of years of progress?  Iyami had
the distinct feeling that he was camping now, sitting on a rickety chair
doing calculations on his pocket supercomputer as Namekuji got the
dimensional cannon positioned right for firing.  Looking around him, Iyami
didn't think he'd ever stayed in a bigger dump.  He sighed and looked over
at Namekuji.  Iyami had finished his calculations and he wanted to get on
with it before something else went wrong.

    "Namekuji!" Iyami called, walking over to where Namekuji was crouched
down next to the cannon, looking along its barrel at the moon.  The barrel
of the cannon was pointed up about 45 degrees, and looked like it was
targeted roughly at the moon.

    "Yes, Mr. I?" Namekuji said, turning around, standing up, and saluting.

    "When did you start saluting me?"

    "Well, now, I guess, Mr. I,"

    "I have a plan.  Instead of saluting, why don't you never, ever, ever
call me Mr. I again, OK?"

    "Um...I guess I could do that, Mr. I," Namekuji said.

    "Well?"

    "What, Mr. I?"

    "Start doing it!"

    "You mean not calling you Mr. I anymore?" Namekuji asked, confused.

    "Yes!" Iyami said, exasperated.  "You know, I don't have time for this.
Just stand back, Namekuji, and watch, and for God's sake don't touch
anything." Iyami said.

    "Um...but..." Namekuji said as Iyami started entering target
coordinates on the cannon's control panel, reading them off of his handheld
computer.

    "What is it now," Iyami muttered as he typed in the coordinates.

    "Can I touch...the ground then?  Or does that--"

    "I tell you what," Iyami said, looking away from the controls and
looking at Namekuji.  "Just be quiet.  Touching the ground is fine.
Touching air molecules is fine too, not that you would know what one was.
In fact, if a wild boar storms through that door," Iyami said, pointing to
the door outside, "charges you, and runs you through with one of its horns,
and in the course of getting skewered you happen to touch it, that's fine
too.  In fact, that's probably ideal.  So just stand there and do not say
anything." Iyami said.  Namekuji started to move his lips as a red light on
the panel behind Iyami started blinking, but Iyami raised his finger in
warning.  "I said silence!" he said.

    "But--"

    "Not a word!" Iyami yelled, and Namekuji just shrugged and looked down
at the ground.  Iyami shook his head and sighed.  There was no way, he told
himself, that life should be this difficult.  The problem with finding good
help was the biggest--

    Iyami's thoughts crashed to a halt much like a train wreck the moment
he turned away and looked back at the dimensional cannon's control panel.
Flashing in red were the words "Self-Destruct".  That wasn't what caused
Iyami's heart to nearly stop.  What brought every thought he had been
having to a train-wrecked, panicked crash was the number he saw underneath
"Self-Destruct".  The number was "5," followed a second later by "4."



    Tenchi and Ryoko were sailing higher that the last time, and after the
initial terror of doing a loop a thousand feet above the ground wore off,
he was smiling as he looked down at all the lights below him.  The lake in
front of his house seemed like a mirror, perfectly reflecting the stars
above.  Clouds scudded by above them, but not enough to block what looked
like a million stars.  As the cool wind whipped past them, they could look
down and see the tiny lights from Tenchi's house, from the Masaki shrine,
and the town over the next hill.  The moonlight bathed everything in an
unreal glow.

    "Are you having fun, Tenchi?" she asked.

    "Flying is incredible," Tenchi replied, beaming at her and wishing he
could come up with a better word for how amazing it felt to fly.  "I've
never done anything like this.  It's amazing."  Ryoko smiled and started to
say something when they heard a muffled explosion.  Ryoko turned and looked
behind them, where the sound seemed to come from, and they could barely
make out a column of smoke rising from far behind them.  It was coming from
the side of a hill near the crash site.

    "I guess Washu took care of it," Tenchi said.

    "That means we can practice power diving!" Ryoko exclaimed, grinning at
Tenchi.  Tenchi started to say something but it turned into a yell as the
swooped down over the lake.  Tenchi had to admit, it was better than any
roller coaster he had ever been on.



    Iyami picked himself up off the ground and looked back at what had been
the house.  Nothing was left but a charred pile of cinders and wood beams
sticking up into the air in a way that didn't form a house at all.  He
heard a coughing sound behind him, and there was Namekuji, thrown clear of
the blast and still alive.  The dimensional cannon he was going to rule the
galaxy with had self-destructed, leaving him with absolutely nothing,
stranded on an alien planet.  Iyami closed his eyes and fumed.  There was
nothing more that could go wrong.  

    He kicked a rock, sending it flying into the wreckage.  He looked down
and noticed something shiny underneath where the rock had been.  He reached
down to pick it up and saw it was a small black stone of some kind.  For
some reason, he felt drawn to pick it up, and when he did he saw it was
what looked like obsidian, perfectly black, rectangular, and smooth, maybe
twice the size of a pad of Post-It notes.  He turned it over and nearly
dropped it in shock.  A square button with "Start" in the middle of it was
staring at him, displayed on the face of the obsidian like it was a
computer monitor.  The border of the button was red, and blinking, and
Iyami held the strange device in his palm and wondered if he should press
the button.  He heard a rustling behind him and quickly tucked the device
into his pants pocket.  He spun around to face a woman in Galaxy Police
uniform.

    "You're under arrest," Kiyone said, her blaster drawn and pointed at
his chest.

    "Damn," Iyami said.

    "Stand up and put your hands on your head," Kiyone said icily.  Washu's
page had told her Iyami had been planning to blow up the Earth, and Kiyone
didn't take too kindly to people trying to blow up populated planets.

    "I guess I'm going to jail, am I?" Iyami said gloomily, putting his
hands on his head.  Kiyone nodded.

    "You guessed right.  Six billion counts of attempted murder should put
you away for...oh, about 120 billion years or so," she said.

    "I picked the wrong accomplice," Iyami replied, glaring at Namekuji.
Iyami didn't know why the dimensional cannon had self-destructed, but given
the way everything else had gone, he was pretty sure Namekuji had something
to do with it.

    "Let's move," Kiyone said, motioning towards the Yagami, her patrol
ship, parked nearby.  Iyami hung his head dejectedly.  It was over.



    Washu sat in her lab at her keyboard and heard Ryo-Ohki's "meow" from
the door.  She looked at the image on her screen of Yagami heading off to
drop Iyami off in jail and laughed.  Ryo-Ohki meowed again and scratched at
the door to her lab.

    "Just a minute," Washu said, getting up from her chair.  "I'll get you
all the carrots you want, don't worry," she said, although given Ryo-Ohki's
appetite she had to admit that probably wasn't possible.  She walked out of
her lab and Ryo-Ohki followed her to the kitchen, where she pulled a bag of
carrots out of a drawer.

    "You want these?" Washu asked, although it wasn't hard to guess what
the answer would be.

    "Meow-ow!" Ryo-Ohki mewed enthusiastically.  Washu smiled and opened
the bag, setting it down on a dish in front of Ryo-Ohki.

    "There you go," she said, petting Ryo-Ohki as she started practically
inhaling the carrots.  Washu looked out the kitchen window and silhouetted
against the full moon she could see two people flying across the sky.
Washu forgot about her experiments for a second, leaned her arms on the
counter, and smiled at the couple in the sky.