All characters contained within belong to Pioneer and AIC. I am just borrowing them long enough to tell a rather twisted tale. ==-==-== Tenchi Muyo! SE Brian Burke The_krane@hotmail.com ==-==-== It was another sunny day at the Masaki Ranch. Tenchi is doing nothing at the moment but attending to his chores and trying to stay mobile. It would not be very helpful if the only carrot-picker were unable to move. And the best way to stay mobile is to stay away from the house. Funny, he once called it HIS house. Now, it's just THE house. Ryo-Ohki, the faithful cabbit bodyguard of the orange veggies in question, writes in a steno notebook with a blue pen. The notebook is attached to a clipboard, which in turn has a rather large image of a carrot. With each carrot that is unearthed, the small animal makes a note in her log. Meanwhile, she chews on a carrot. And, what does she wash it down with? Carrot Juice. "Tennnnchiiiiii..." a voice calls with a certain seductive tone. "Tenchi, my love..." He turns reluctantly to see Ryoko walking towards him. With every step she takes, her black tail twitches from behind her blue and tan striped outfit. "I've been a bad girl these past 2000 years..." she says softly. "Aren't you going to punish me?" she ultimately asks with a 'puppy-dog' expression. "RYOKO!" another voice shouts with a voice that makes people envy chalkboards. "Get away from him!" And, as expected, the First Princess of Jurai stomps onto the carrot field wearing a leather outfit that entices the imagination. At her side is a coiled up leather whip that she wishes to use oh-so-badly. "Get away from Lord Tenchi!" "Or what? You'll whip me? I've gotten worse from my mother!!" "I'll show you!" Ayeka dives at Ryoko and immediately starts to fight with the woman. And, in return, Ryoko takes the opportunity to clean her clock. And, in the meantime, the object of their love and affection continues his work. He pays them no mind as he grips yet another carrot. Although he has no problem pulling it out, something irritates him that makes his work... unpleasant. "WOULD YOU KEEP IT DOWN?! I'm trying to work here!!" The pair comply, yet continue. However, their insults and shouts become quieter, yet present. In fact, their actual attacks are lowered in volume to comply with Tenchi's wishes. Another carrot is dropped into the basket, and is logged by the cabbit it is intended to feed. ==-==-== Inside the house, other things are happening. On the sofa, a young woman with tanned skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes looks into an important book with a very unusual tool in hand. This book, as important as it is, demands all of her attention. Finally, a decision is made, if you could call it that. She takes the paper-coated tool and brings it to the book. Finally, with the tip of her tongue nearly touching her left cheek, uses the blue utensil for its intended purpose. "Blue skies..." she comments as the utensil leaves blue streaks across the top of the page. In another room, another occupant of the house does what she must do. With a smile to rival all others, she works on her preferred chore. A chore she likes to do more than any other. And with her deadly-sharp tool, she makes short work of this chore as vegetables are quickly sliced and diced with the skill of a pro. Yet, curiously, she looks out the window and sees that dark clouds are beginning to form. To this effect, a frown forms on the little girl's face. And to THAT effect, the approaching clouds fall back from their positions. ==-==-== Far away, yet so close, more activity. "YES!!! This is perfect!" a high voice shouts. "All the world is my oyster!! I shall turn these primitive little dorks into brainless water-sprites and take over the world!!! I, Washu, the Greatest Psychotic Scientific Genius in the Universe shall rule! A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!" With all her laughing and carrying-on, the girl tilts back too far and falls off the cushion she had been resting on. But, she pops her head up from behind it and smiles evilly. Her eyes shift from side to side before she hops back onto her cushion to continue. The genius-girl types violently on her holo-keyboard as she begins her diabolical plot. ==-==-== At another location, we find another member of the clan. He's stood here for an unassumable amount of time. Never moving. Always quiet. And, in his immobile state, the many plots of the world take shape and die. The sun rises and sets. The moon comes and goes, and the nocturnal animals move with it. But, he does not. He stands, gazing at who knows what. But, still he stands. Never moving, always vigilant. And in his immobility, several birds land on him and even create nests in his gray hair. But, still he does not move. Still he does not make a noise. Yet, in all his patience, he wishes for but one thing. For someone to scrape the moss off his backside. ==-==-== Still elsewhere is another resident. He's been staring at these cards in his hands for some time now. Switching his gaze from one to another with a odd smile about his face. Five simple pieces of cardboard that make the middle-aged man smile a big smile. "Ryoko..." he drools. "So buxom and beautiful." He looks to another. "Ayeka. Prim and proper. They say that the quiet ones are demons in the sack!" Yet another card catches his gaze. "Mihoshi. So innocent, I could cry. So beautiful, I could melt. So dumb that I could vomit." He looks towards the left of his collection. "Washu... So brilliant and psychotic. Oh, how I'd love to be your guinea pig!" His gaze turns back to the other end. "Tsunami. The eternal image of beauty." He puts his cards down to reveal their rather lewd nature. ==-==-== Author: Who'd you think I'd mention last? Sasami? Yeah, right!! ==-==-== Meanwhile, an interesting event takes place. At the carrot field, from the start of our 'adventure,' Tenchi and the girls gather to face an old enemy. Not expected, of course, but a villain they are ready for. Out of nowhere, the person that more or less brought them together shows his ugly head. "Greetings," he says in his vile tone. "Kagato," Tenchi spits. "What are you doing here?" "Actually, boy, I am Kagato249. The 249th incarnation of Kagato. But, rest assured that I have all the power and skill needed to take all of you as slaves." With one swipe, he sends Ayeka to the ground. "Nice outfit, Princess." With another swipe, he sends Ryoko to the ground as well. "I beat you once, I can do it again, Kagato." "We'll see." Kagato249, curiously, stops his approach and looks towards the little girl standing next to Tenchi. "Don't look at me like that." But, the little blue-haired girl continues with her smile and even cocks her head to one side. "I... I will defeat you, Tenchi!" But, with all his efforts, the little girl diverts his attention. Her innocent smile and non-violent attitude strikes Kagato as nothing has before. "Would you stop staring at me like that?!" But, still she does nothing. Still she makes no moves. Yet, she cocks her head to the other side to further her efforts. Her sweet look strikes a nerve in Kagato249 that he long thought dead. A nerve that simply compels him to change his ways. "This... This isn't over, Tenchi!" As quickly as he came, he disappears into nothing. Tenchi, for all he knows, cannot fathom what just happened. "If only that worked on Leaf-chan..." he comments. ==-==-== Author's Note: L-C, don't take it personally. What you did was... wrong. I can safely say that we all feel the same way about what you did. ==-==-== Elsewhere, the story continues. Nearby, four more uninvited guests appear on the grounds of the Masaki home. One, an angry bearded man with a stone-cold expression that could strike fear in those that gazed upon it. He stops walking, as do his companions. He looks to one side and grunts. In response to this rather barbaric way of communication, one of the four breaks off and leaves the group. He continues forward and is immediately followed by his two companions, both being women. One of the women stops at a rather large tree and hugs it furiously. "Hello Funahooo...." she coos. "It's been so long since I saw yooouu..." She rubs her hand along the bark and finds it rigid like any tree. "You're soo bootifuull... I could just hug you aaalll day..." The other woman walks over peacefully to the first. Without changing her content expression, she grabs the waistline of the first and pulls with all her might. She gains some success as she pulls on her legs. But, the first woman refuses to release her 'friend.' But, the second pulls on the first's legs hard enough for her to let go. But, upon retrieving her, the second woman loses her footing and falls to the ground. Although the first did not intend it, she lands in a position so that the second has her nose up the first's... nevermind. The first, blue haired woman, wonders on what soft surface she has landed on. She looks down and sees a body beneath her. She reaches down to the second woman's chest and finds the two mounds dedicated to the female form. With but a squeeze, "hello, Funaho!!!" She stands again and grips Funaho's body with all her might. "It's been so long that I've missed you!" ==-==-== Elsewhere... A man, presumably, with pink hair stands with a sword ahead of him. But, more importantly is the mirror, attached to the hilt, which he uses to minutely adjust his hair. "I'm so hantsome, I coult tie!" He continues to adjust his hair even more. "Are you gonna fight?" Tenchi asks. He looks to his left and right and see the Destructive Duo out cold. "Or are you gonna primp?" "En guart, naive!" he shouts. He rushes towards the fight, but only blocks. "Damn! Shas rush damaget my hair!" While he continues to block oncoming attacks, he uses his free hand to further primp. Tenchi, irritated with the situation, gives the fop a crew-cut. "There, you fop! Now fight!" The act of removing his hair enrages him to no end. "Now, Senchi Masaci, you TIE!!" With one masterful move, Tenchi is sent flying across the carrot field. "Alright, stop this!" a voice shouts. Out of nowhere, literally, a blue haired woman with adorable pink eyes appears. Her attire consists of a nurse's outfit, as opposed to her other (more familiar) garments. With a single swipe of her hand, the injuries inflicted this day to all are mystically healed. Ayeka, Mihoshi, Ryoko, and Washu all stand to face what may come their way. Strangely, though, Sasami is absent. "Continue!" Tsunami bellows. "No!" a rather high voice shouts. "You mustn't fight. There's a better way to solve your problems." Tenchi turns his head up to the voice and sees a dark silhouette with two long tails of hair behind her. Yet, despite her shadowy appearance, Tenchi can make out a distinctive red skirt. "Oh, no!" And, approaching the scene are two female members of royalty that he knows. He looks up towards the mysterious girl again and watches her point an arrow downward. "Oh, man... Seiryo! Get down!" The arrow is less than an arrow and more like a flying bomb. It detonates on impact and engulfs all the girls and women on site. The men, however, avoided it in their own ways. After the dust clears, Tenchi is simply aghast at what he sees. A scene best left private, yet hard to pass up. A scene that is best forgotten, but never will be. A sight that Tenchi had best leave be. He looks down in sheer confusion as Ayeka, Ryoko, Washu, Mihoshi, Tsunami, Misaki, and Funaho all simultaneously engage in adult pleasures. "That's it, I'm outta here!" Tenchi states. And so ends another typical day at the Masaki Ranch. What has happened to our favorite characters? Do you really want to know? I don't either. -eNd- Time from start to finish: 2:18:00