Hi everybody!This is my first fic, and it probably sucks, but please have mercy on me! This first fic is all fun and games, I tried to capture the almost playful spirit of the show, but I'm afraid I went just a tid bit overboard. I may write a more serious fic in the future(though this is highly doubted) and you can expect a slightly serious lemon sequel to this one(for all of you that can read that stuff) to show what happens after and how everyone ends up. Tenchi Muyo(Tenchi in Tokyo, Tenchi Universe, Pretty Sammy, etc.) and all characters in this story belong to PIONEER, not me,except for Tenshu, Ayechi, and Ryochi, so you lawyer people have mercy too, and don't sue me! Written by Alia with thanks to Nekomi-chan. E-mail me at kittykat_716@hotmail.com Tenchi's Revenge Part1 It was a typical morning at the Masaki home. Tenchi had just awoken from a less-than-sound sleep, since Ryoko and Ayeka had been fighting long into the night. As a result, half of the house was destroyed, and Tenchi had, as usual, been given the task of fixing it(like I said, a typical morning!). At least there was always Sasami's wonderful breakfasts to look forward to As usual, the first thing Tenchi saw when he opened his eyes was the face of Ryoko, and the first thing he heard was Ayeka shouting "You leave Lord Tenchi alone, you she-demon!" "Augh!" said Tenchi to the demon girl with cyan colored hair only millimeters away from his nose. "Ryoko! Please, give me some space!" "Hello Tenchi dear! Good morning! Now why don't you get back in bed and I'll join you?" She quickly stradled Tenchi's lap. Suddenly the door burst open. "Ryoko!" shouted Ayeka, little logs popping into existence all around her. "Stop your molestation of Lord Tenchi right this minute!" "Ayeka!"said Ryoko, "Stop intterupting! Tenchi and I were just playing some grown-up games. Now go on, shoo, shoo." "Fool!"shrieked the violet-haired Ayeka, "Tenchi would never want you!"an energy blast put a hole through through the wall right behind Tenchi. Ryo-oki looked in the now extremely enlarged window with a "Merow?" of puzzlement. As a classic Ayeka-Ryoko morning battle started, Tenchi ran downstairs in just enough time to escape unscathed. Thankfully, Ryoko jumped through the hole in the wall, there by saving the house from further destruction by taking the fight outside, but already three foot deep holes were being produced, which Tenchi would probably have to fill later, not to mention the burnt patches of grass which would have to be reseeded for the third time that week! Tenchi let out a sigh and made his way down to the kitchen, resigning himself to clean everything up after breakfast. Halfway down the stairs, Washu appeared in front of him. "Hi Tenchi!" she said. "Little Washu!"said a startled Tenchi to the red-headed scientist. "Hey Tenchi, some.........uh.....mutated food got loose from the lab and wrecked the stables, and the living room, so can you fix it? Thanks! Now, what do you say we go downstairs and continue a few experiments? I need some sperm samples......" "No Washu! leave me alone!" "Oh come on Tenchi! I assure you I only want it for scientific purposes! After all, I am a scientific genius." Thankfully at this point the Washu Bots appeared and started shouting Washu's praises (Bot A- "Washu you are a genius! So smart! How lucky I am that you are my creator!" Bot B- "Washu you are the greatest in the world!") so Tenchi was able to get away. Finally he reached his destination, the kitchen (bom bom BOM). Teal-haired galaxy police woman Kiyone was dragging a whining ("But Kiyone!") Mihoshi, who defined the very meaning of the word blonde, out the door to their ship. Apparently some galactic criminal was in the area. Nobuyki and Kashuito were sitting at the table. "Sasami!"called Tenchi. The blue-pigtailed nine year old skipped into the room with Ryo-oki on her shoulders. "Hi Tenchi! What's up?" she said sweetly. "Mreow!" said Ryo-oki. "Oh, the usual, Sasami. What's for breakfast?" asked Tenchi. "Oh Tenchi! There isn't anything!" said Sasami, begining to cry. "What? No way!"said Tenchi, his eyes starting to unfocus. "I'm afraid it's true, Tenchi. Ayeka and Ryoko ate most of the food last night after their long battle, and the rest........ well, Washu used that for an experiment, and it went haywire and destroyed the stables and the living room." said Kashuito solemnly. Nobuyki started weeping. "I'll get those girls for this!" said Tenchi angrily. "They've gone too far this time!" Then he went out to undertake in the hard task of rebuilding almost the entire house (and yard, and stables) on an empty stomach. ----------*****---------- The next morning Tenchi yawned and stretched, and slowly blinked open his eyes to see the blurry shape of a levitating female come into focus. He narrowly escaped Ryoko's imminent caress, as he hopped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. He was counting on Ayeka to keep Ryoko from following him any further. Sure enough, no sooner had he begun decreasing the pressure on his bladder when Ayeka burst into his bedroom. From the cries of outrage and the crashes and bangs, Tenchi knew he would have to replace his bedroom door and maybe even his bed. "Damn those two!" he muttered darkly, pulling on a shirt.He quickly vacated the premises, hoping neither of the feuding females would discover his desperate attempt at escape. "I no longer like this arrangement of THEM destroying and ME fixing everything up! We'll just see about this. He hurriedly ran downstairs and scarfed down the fine meal ala Sasami. As he ran out the door to go to school he passed by Ayeka in the garden. Quickly, as he rushed past, he reached out his hand and plucked a single hair from her purple head. "Ouch!" said Ayeka, looking around, "What was that?" ----------*****---------- After school that evening, Tenchi popped a library biology tape in the VCR and loudly proclaimed that "Wow! DNA structures are soooo interesting!" Washu quickly scurried up from her secret sub-space laboratory and plopped herself in front of the TV. "Well, Washu!" said Tenchi with a very visibly fake facade of surprise."I never thought that a scientific genius like you would be interested in anything so mundane and everyday as DNA structures." "I enjoy laughing at the stupidity of Earth science, Tenchi dear. The idea that I know more about humans than they do about themselves is greatly amusing. After all, I am the leading genius in the universe!" This statement, of course, brought the Washu bots out of the lab and onto Washu's shoulders, shouting "Washu, you are so much smarter than a mere earthling!" and "Yes Washu, you are the smartest scientist ever!" "I am, aren't I?" said Washu smugly. And just as Tenchi had planned (bad, bad boy!) The Washu bots remained upstairs to help ridicule how little the idiotic humans really knew about themselves. While they were all distracted Tenchi walked on tiptoes(Why in anime does tiptoing always make a little bell noise?) backwards through the portal into the lab. There he promptly switched off Mecha Washu before she began her nightly rounds and began his search.. After what seemed like hours of searching through all of Washu's scientific gadgets, Tenchi finally found what he was looking for. The Clone Machine! (Star Wars music in the background.) Now all he had to do was figure out the password, and his plan would be set into motion. "Okay, here we go! This should be pretty easy. It's either Mass, Genius, Ryo-oki, Ryoko, or I love Tenchi."(getting a little uppity aren't we now?) After a half-hour of typing (What Washu was watching was one of those lecture tapes that lasts around three to four hours) and going through numerous passwords such as Kagato, Kiyone, Ayeka, and Sasami, the machine finally hummed to life on the phrase "Mihoshi Do Not Touch!" Tenchi plucked out a hair and put it in the tube marked "Mihoshi, no touching! Washu, place DNA of person to be cloned here." He also placed, in the same tube, the single hair he had plucked from Ayeka's head. Then he laughed maniacly as lights began to flash and the machine started to hum. ----------*****---------- The next day Ryoko couldn't find Tenchi anywhere, so, after making sure Ayeka was there and not off somewhere trying to steal some time with Tenchi, she sat down to eat, watching Ayeka warily out of the corner of her eye. Ayeka was watching Ryoko, too, since she could have Tenchi tied up somewhere within flying distance. Pretty soon the two girls were staring at each other so intently that the house would be free of violence at least until Tenchi reapeared, for neither of them were about to move and chance the other sneaking off towards wherever Tenchi was. ----------*****---------- Tenchi sat grinning maniacly in the old cave where Ryoko had been imprisoned. Before him sat a little carry case box he had "borrowed" from Washu's lab, and in his hands he held three little boxes of a substance called "Insta-Clone". On the box in front of him was written "3-5 hours wait." He opened the high tech metal carry case to reveal three vials. Two were empty, but one was filled with a dark purple opage liquid. He carefully put the Insta-Clone packages in his pockets, chuckling madly. Then he picked up his precious cargo and headed back to the house. ----------*****---------- "Lord Tenchi!" squealed Ayeka when she saw him, "There you are!"she ran up and threw her arms around him in a bone-crunching hug. Tenchi made an "Oohf!" noise. Then her eyes narrowed. "I know where you were! It was her wasn't it." she said, pointing inside where Ryoko was. "She tied you up and left you somewhere so she could be alone with you when I fall asleep! Didn't she!" "Well, n....."said Tenchi, when Ayeka pressed a hand to his lips. "Don't speak, my love." she said sweetly. "I will avenge you, you don't have to ask." Ayeka quickly produced a force field of little logs and ran towards the house. "Ayeka, no!"screamed Tenchi, when a large object pummeled into him, knocking him to the ground. "Oh Tenchi my darling!" cried Ryoko. "Where have you been all this time? You've made Ryoko soooo worried! I'm so glad you're back!" and Tenchi recieved yet another bone crushing hug, during which Ryoko suspiciously lost a hair. Laying on top of him, Ryoko smiled devilishly. "Don't you think you should make it up to me?" "Ryoko, come on!" said an exasperated Tenchi, pushing her off and rising to his feet. Grumbling something that sounded like "Girls, sheesh, what is wrong with the female sex......" he brushed himself off. "Die, villian!" screamed Ayeka with a blast of energy barely missing Tenchi's head. "What's this?"said Ryoko demurely as the blast phased right through her. "An attack? This late in the day?" she sighed. "Well, I was just about to go inside and take a nap, but if you insist." she slowly produced a ball of orange energy in her hands. "Stop it you two!" yelled Tenchi. "Ayeka didn't do anything to me, and Ryoko didn't do anything to me! Maybe if both of you really LOVED me so much you would let me have a say in all this fighting bullshit! Don't you dare destroy the house again! Sometimes I wish the two of you were very, very far away from me." With an angry sigh he walked over to where his metal box had been thrown by Ryoko landing on him."And you two almost broke this! It's very important to me." The girls reacted with stunned silence."I'm going inside now. Good day." After he walked inside, Ryoko turned to Ayeka. "This is all your fault!" she said. "My fault? It's your fault!" "No way! Your fault." "I don't think so, Miss 'Let's all go jump on Tenchi and throw his prized little box across the yard!" "Well, what about you, Miss 'Let's all go insane for absolutely no reason and try to kill Tenchi with an energy blast!" Then they broke down and cried. ----------*****---------- When Tenchi walked straight from the door to his room, Sasami turned to Ryo-oki and said "Ryo-oki, I wonder what's up with Tenchi? He didn't even say hello to me today, and he wasn't here this morning. He usually doesn't leave for school that early." "Hi Tenchi!" said a kawaii voice from the hallway. "Wa..Wa..Washu!" said Tenchi, shoving the test tubes behind his back. "Oh Tenchi!" said Little Washu, snuggling up to Tenchi's chest. "I missed you sooooooo much today, because I was so scared, and you weren't here to protect me!" Tenchi doubted very much that the number one genius in the universe needed protection, and he would have pushed her off of him, but his hands were holding the box behind his back. "Wha.... Why were you scared, Little Washu?" "Oh Tenchi!" she said, burying her face in his shirt. "Someone broke into my lab, and stole something from me!" "They...They did?" "Yes. My cloning device was also on, but Mihoshi could have done that. But I don't think Mihoshi would have stolen vials and a vial chiller." She looked up at him with narrowed eyes. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" Tenchi shook his head nervously. "Washu! Are you around? I could use some help in the kitchen!" called Sasami, thereby saving Tenchi's butt. Washu sighed. "I'm coming Sasami!" she yelled. Then she turned back to Tenchi."I'm so sorry we couldn't spend more time together. Anytime you want to......uh......help me with some experiments, just come on into the lab. Literally." (Um...Does that qualify as lemon content? Oh well.) Then she was gone. Tenchi breathed a sigh of relief. And smiled widely when, unexpectedly, he saw a strand of red hair clinging to his jacket. Then he ran up the stairs to hide his experiment in a safe, woman-free place. ----------*****---------- A few minutes later, Tenchi tiptoed downstairs. *Washu is cooking.* he thought. *That should give me a little time.* He slowly crept towards the closet door......... "Hiyas Tenchi!" said a bubbly voice behind him. Tenchi sighed and turned to see Mihoshi squintingly smiling at him. Kiyone, in the middle of tasting the dinner soup, stared at a half-crouched Tenchi along with Washu and Sasami. Thinking fast, Tenchi quickly straightened himself and embarrassedly rubbed his head. "I uh.....I thought I saw a spider and I was squishing it." A look of horror came over Mihoshi's face. "Spider? Ewww! Spider! Spider! Spider! Spider!" she shrieked, hopping around. As soup kettles and yummy-smelling dishes crashed around him, Tenchi took advantage of the immediate confusion to slip into the closet/secret sub-space lab door. ----------*****---------- "Hey Tenchi!" said Washu suspiciously as the boy exaggeratedly tiptoed (as Tenchi always does) towards the stairs."Just what were you doing in my lab?" As she suddenly transported before him, Tenchi hurriedly shoved two vials in his pockets."Ah, nothing Washu!" He said with his hand on his head. "I, uh, just ducked in there to dodge that one big pot, and I, uh............... I didn't know it was safe to come out yet." (Naughty, naughty boy!) "Ah, okay." said Washu, who knew well the pain Mihoshi and the large objects she occasionally made fly around could cause, with a nod, then she went back to the stove with Sasami, who was looking at Tenchi curiously. Tenchi breathed a sigh of relief and hurriedly ran upstairs. With a quick glance to the left and right (And above, just in case Ryoko was lurking around.) he quietly pulled a ladder down from the ceiling. During the last re-building of the house, he had wisely put in a tiny bit of attic space. After grabbing the third vial from his room, and placing the two now filled and stoppered vials carefully into the cold box, Tenchi stumbled up the ladder in a Tenchi-like manner and pulled it up after him. He sat crosslegged on the wooden boards of the floor and opened the box. With careful precision, Tenchi poured exactly one box of Insta- Clone into the three vials, of the two newest one was a sort of dark maroon and the other an almost-black shade of blue-gray, and sighed with relief when he was finished. *Now hopefully Washu's inventions work correctly for once.* he thought. The directions said to let the clones sit for at least three hours, so Tenchi spent what seemed like forever alternating between watching the clock and the vials. Slowly, his eyes drooped, and he fell asleep. ----------*****---------- Tenchi awoke, drool running down his cheek, to a loud POP. As he opened his eyes, he jumped at the sight of one of the vials fizzing. Two more consectutive pops threw the last two stoppers across the room as all three vials fizzled, and the room filled with a dry-ice like fog. As the smoke cleared, Tenchi amazedly sat peering into the faces of three people who looked just like him-but with slightly different shades of hair. "Hi!" they chorused with wide grins. "We're the Tenchi Clones.What would you like us to do today?" They then picked up the towels he had waiting for them and wrapped them around their identical waists. Tenchi grinned happily as he shook their hands. This was even better than he had thought. ************************************************************************ ***** Well, guys, that was it, Part 1 of Tenchi's revenge. Thanks a lot for any comments or compliments(Hey, I can dream, can't I?) and not so much for flames, notes of "I threw up after reading this crap" or "This story made me realize what a desolate and disgusting place the world is, and by the time you get this I will have taken my own life." etc. -Alia 8>O~