TENCHI MUCHO! A Tenchi Muyo Fanfiction By Dave Menard Started Feb. 28th, 2000, 2:42am EST. Finished Feb. 28th, 200, 6:27am EST. Tenchi Muyo and all associated characters is copyright Pioneer/AIC and distributed in anime form by ADV Films and in manga form by VIZ comics in North America. This fic starts in the Tenchi TV Universe, and moves on from there... -------------------------------------------------------- Chapter One: Washu talkin' about, Willis? -------------------------------------------------------- It started, as so many adventures do, in Washu's laboratory. The diminutive scientist was hunched over her holo-laptop wearing an expression sentients the galaxy over (not to mention her housemates) had learned to dread. Washu was bored. An infrequent occurrence to be sure, since the Greatest Genius in the Universe was generally more than capable of amusing herself, and if that proved impossible, the antics of her guinea pigs, er, housemates were usually sufficient to prevent her from suffering from ennui. Today, however, that was proving impossible. She had made the inadvertent error of sealing her lab off from the rest of the house after weathering one too many intrusions from Mihoshi, and had gotten lost in her latest project. The Planet-Smasher 4000 (tm) had functioned perfectly in both the simulations and in the real-time trials (no one was going to miss that tenth planet anyway; it had no inhabitants and it's gravitational effect on the Earth was negligible. And so what if the solar year was now 2.5 minutes longer?) but when Washu had emerged from her lab to bask in the praise of her admiring public, she discovered the Masaki home empty. A note stuck to the refrigerator with a Hello Kitty magnet explained it all... "Washu-chan: We waited and waited, but we had to leave without you. The free passes for the onsen had to be used by the end of the week. We'll be back by Sunday. Sasami saved dinner for you in the fridge, and there's plenty of food in the cupboards, help yourself. Sorry we missed you, Tenchi." "Hmm... Well, now. Looks like I'm home alone..." Washu mused aloud. She checked the local calendar. It was Friday. Two days. Alone. No interruptions, no distractions, no one asking to use the computer to play "Quake"... It was heaven! It was bliss! It... It got old, real fast. By eight a.m. Saturday, Washu had already exceeded her self-set quota of forty-two new inventions, at least three of which actually had a practical use. She'd mined her mind all she could, and now she was stymied. Fortunately for the cosmos at large, by nine a.m. Washu had actually managed to find something to occupy herself with. She'd been absently scrolling through her files, searching for the perfect diversion. She found it in one of her "old project" files, under a triple-encrypted black-ice anti-Mihoshi seal. "Well, well well, what do we have here? A-ha, the Dimensional Tuner..." A flurry of keystrokes opened the files, displaying the results across the laptop's holographic screen. Washu looked around. She _was_ alone, no Mihoshi or Ryoko or Ayeka around to mess with the settings... "I'll rebuild it! Finally, I can visit MY perfect world!!! Hahahahahah!" She stood, striking a triumphant pose. Her two robotic Washulings appeared on her shoulders with a fanfare of miniature trumpets. "You're the greatest, Washu!" Washuling A encouraged. "No one is as clever as you are, Washu!!" Washuling B seconded. "They don't call me the Greatest Mad Scientist in the Universe for nothing!" Washu concurred, before rolling up her sleeves and beginning construction. Sunday morning... The crimson-haired genius wiped a bead of sweat from her brow and stepped back. The Washulings blared out another tinny fanfare to celebrate. "Ha Ha!" Washu cackled, only slightly maniacally. "Finished at last! Soon, I visit Paradise!!!" With a flourish, she hit "enter" on the Tuner's keyboard and stood back as the golden lighting began to coruscate around the eye-like focusing orb, building up a charge. At that moment, the Masaki family Land Rover pulled up outside of the house and disgorged her motley crew of passengers. Sasami leapt out happily, Ryo-Oh-Ki perched jauntily on her head like a bizarre hat. Mihoshi stumbled out the hatchback, dragging an exhausted Kiyone in her wake. Nobiyugi and Katsuhito clambered wearily out, followed by a harried looking Tenchi. Last but not least emerged Ryoko and Ayeka, continuing the verbal sparring that had begun as soon as they left the onsen and had continued non-stop for the last hundred kilometers. "I'm telling you, princess, you'd better learn to keep your big butt off my side of the back seat!" "My posterior is most certainly NOT big, you-you CRIMINAL! It's petite and well formed, as opposed to YOUR ever-expanding behind!" "HEY! I've got a _great_ butt! Isn't that right, Tenchi?" "Ah, er..." Tenchi blushed. "I think I should really stay out of this one..." "A wise decision, Tenchi." Katsuhito confirmed. "Sometimes the only correct response is no response at all..." "LORD Tenchi would certainly NEVER stoop so low as to ogle the behind of a woman, you shameless hussy!" Ayeka announced stridently, before dropping her tone to a conspiratorial stage whisper. "And if he WERE to be looking, he certainly wouldn't waste his time on your droopy hindquarters, anyway. Not when he has a ROYAL posterior to gaze at..." "Ladies, please!" Nobiyugi said reasonably. "From what I can see, you both have very nice behinds..." "Quiet, you!" barked Ryoko. "What makes you think Tenchi'd even look twice at a big ol' caboose like yours, little princess? It's plain to see that Tenchi only has eyes for me!" "Is that so?! Well then, I think we should simply ask Lord Tenchi, then. Lord Tenchi?" Ayeka looked around. The boy in question had wisely made himself scarce. "Now look what you've done! Your foul mouth and shameless manners have frightened off Lord Tenchi!" "Why you snobby little..." And so it goes... Inside the house, Sasami, Tenchi, Kiyone and Mihoshi were unpacking their things. Sasami noted with surprise that no dishes had been dirtied, and the meal she had set aside for Washu was still untouched. "Oh dear... Can someone check to see if Washu's lab is still sealed? I don't think she's come out yet!" "I'll do it, Sasami!" Mihoshi called cheerfully from the hallway. The blonde Galaxy Policewoman peered curiously through the porthole to Washu's subspace lab. The glass was blue, meaning the door was unlocked. "The door's open, Sasami! I'll just go in and let her know we're back..." Inside the lab, Washu felt the strangest feeling of impending doom. (Not an unfamiliar sensation, but still...) Briefly, she checked the power readouts on the monitor. Everything was still charging smoothly. No technical malfunctions were visible. On a hunch, Washu checked the time. Instantly, her hair stood on end. It was Sunday morning already? Then, that meant... "Oh, hello Miss Washu! What'cha doing over there?" Mihoshi... Curses! She'd forgotten to reseal the door! "Oh my, is that the Dimension Tuner? How wonderful!" Mihoshi wandered over and began pushing buttons randomly. "Are you going to send us off on another fun adventure? That would be really neat!" "No, don't touch that! Get away from there!" Washu cried frantically, trying to pry the bubbly blonde away from the controls. Mihoshi merely babbled on obliviously. "Do you think we can go to a world where Ayeka _isn't_ my sister-in-law, though? Not that I want to be rude, but she was _very_ pushy, not to mention an old maid..." She continued to punch random buttons as the Tuner Orb began to convulse spastically. Knowing where this was going, Washu clambered up the apparatus as fast as her panicked limbs would allow her. Wincing as she received a series of mild shocks, Washu managed to remove the Orb from the arch-like strut where it was housed. "There! Ha! You won't spoil my experiment _this_ time, Mihoshi!" "Hmmm? What was that you said?" Mihoshi asked as she pushed a Large Red Button. "I couldn't hear you..." With an electrical zorch, Washu vanished in front of Mihoshi's surprised eyes. "Wow, what a neat trick!" *-*-* With a puff of smoke and a whiff of ozone, Washu found herself alone in her lab. With a start she realized that all her equipment had been rearranged! Glancing around, she noted that the D-Tuner had also been dismantled, and that whoever had done it had done an excellent job. The machine was in pieces, laid out in an easy-to-assemble pattern. "Ye gads, how long was I out? And who's been messing with my personal space?" "Wow, you're pretty darn cute, for an invader!" A hauntingly-familiar voice called out. Washu spun, only to spy... Herself? An exact duplicate of the crimson-haired scientist was standing not three meters away, a smirk on her face. Washu recognized the look. It was her patented "I-don't-know-what-just-happened-yet-but-it'll-be-fun-finding-out " smirk. The second genius bowed dramatically. "Greeting, oh gorgeous intruder! I am Washuu! Greatest Genius in the Universe! And who are you?" Washu was mildly take aback, but retained her composure. "I am Washu! Greatest Genius in _My_ Universe!" Washuu smiled delightedly as the tiny Washulings appeared on Washu's shoulders and gave three hurrahs before vanishing once more. "Chibi-Mecha-Washuus! I almost built myself a set years ago, but never got around to it... I see you managed to build yourself a D-Tuner, cutie! You _must_ be a parallel me..." "Mm-hmm..." Washu nodded, pondering the implications. "Although it wasn't supposed to do this. It was supposed to remake local timespace-" "-into our perfect world." Washuu finished. "I know, I was building the same thing... So this is our perfect universe, eh? Can't say as I'm too impressed..." "Oh, I don't know," Washu wondered aloud. "A colleague I can respect, at last! We simply HAVE to collaborate on something..." With a pop and a puff of ozone-tinged air, a third identical genius appeared, a second D-Tuner Orb in her arms. "Greetings! I am Washyuu-" "-The Greatest Scientist in the Universe..." Washu and Washuu chorused. Washyuu blinked hard and glanced around. "Say, this doesn't look like my lab..." *-*-* By that evening, no fewer than five dimensional analogues of the Greatest Scientist in the Universe were chatting merrily together. The quintet had adjourned to the large floating bath-island that Washuu had built for her Masaki family analogues. The Washus were interested to note that two of their number were in fact Earth-born and American, but were rapidly forgiven their poor taste in birthplaces. Three were actually humanoid aliens, one was a goddess, two had been imprisoned in crystal for centuries, and another was a wanted fugitive from the Galaxy Police. "So you're a space pirate?" Washuu asked Washyuu as she scrubbed her back. "Not really, more like a Genius-For-Hire." Washyuu explained. "I was hired by the Space Pirate Ryoukou to help steal a Juraiian power source, but we were shot down and stuck here on Earth by the Galaxy Police and Princess Aekaa..." "Hmm, so my daughter's a space pirate in every universe..." Washuu mused. "Rioko? A space pirate?" Professor Washu gasped, in her American-accented Japanese. "She's just a schoolgirl! And she's our daughter?" "I don't know who this Ryoko person is," interjected Washu Fitzgerald Kobayashi, "But she sounds an awful lot like a Juraihelm ninja-woman that I met... Daughter you say?" "Well, mine, anyway." Washuu said as she slipped into the warm waters. "Does everyone have a Tenchi?" All the girls nodded, except for Washu F. Kobayashi. "Never heard of him. Is he a boyfriend?" The other Washus, with the exception of Prof. Washu, sighed dreamily. "No, not really..." They said in unison. "Just the cutest lil' guinea pig in the universe..." At that moment, the guinea pig in question happened to step though the portal to the baths, a towel tied around his waist. "Yeeps!" He covered his eyes immediately and flushed a deep crimson. "S-sorry Washuu, I'll come back later..." He practically dove back through the portal, his towel floating to the ground behind him, giving the quintet a brief glimpse at his lily-white tush. "Yowza!" W.F.K. exclaimed. The others nodded in agreement. "Say..." Washu pondered aloud. "He really shouldn't be running around without his towel..." "Quite right," Washuu nodded. "He'll catch cold." "We really _should_ go return it to him..." Washyuu stated. "Mmm-Hmm..." chorused the rest. And with a hew and cry (and a loud fanfare from the Washulings), the chase was on... ---------------------------------------------------- NEXT: No Need For Quantum Tenchis! ---------------------------------------------------- AUTHOR'S NOTE:Programs! Getcher Programs here! Can't tell a Genius from a Mad Scientist without yer program! (I'm simply using various romanization patterns to differentiate the Washus. No bias or preference towards a particular form should be implied) Washu: Tenchi Universe TV Series Washuu: Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Oh-Ki OAV series and No Need For Tenchi! Manga Washyuu: Shin Tenchi Muyo! (Tenchi in Tokyo) Professor Washu: Pretty Sammy the Magical Girl OAV series Washu Fitzgerald Kobayashi: Magical Project S TV Series All forms of C+C, including MST3K's are welcome, I have thick skin! Send to: catthouse@lweb.net This fic and all my others are archived at: http://www.angelfire.com/anime/spacepiratesguild/