- Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that will be used in this little 
fic of mine. Pioneer/AIC does. Just don't tell them that some guy is using them, 
okay? Cuz I won't tell if you don't.

- On with the story!

- Oh, before we start, for an enhanced experience, having the song that is 
mentioned in this story playing at that point is a good start.

THESE ARE OUR SOULS, SHATTERED AS GLASS

And so, he sat there. There really was no position that his body could take that 
would help ease his mind, or help him think clearer...so he simply decided to 
take one of comfort. He sat there, at the base of a tall tree, staring out over 
the lake. He wished that he could be like the tree, standing far above 
everything, able to see everything before him...maybe if trees were people...no 
that's ridiculous. There is no need to be distracted by such pettiness. 

He stared over the lake, usually taking in the beauty with a quiet awe, and a 
smile, but not this time. He hated it. He hated the fact that something could 
have such a serenity while he couldn't. So he simply stared at it, frowning. He 
turned a silver coin over and over again through his fingers, not really even 
noticing it was there, and yet he was doing it nonetheless. 

Finally, he grew so frustrated with the coin, a symbol of his life, a shiny 
object in the palm of someone else, constantly being turned over again and 
again; he began to squeeze it. He slowly released it as his hand began to hurt 
from the metal crushing against his flesh. Without getting up, he flung the coin 
as far as he could, towards the lake. It didn't make it that far, but it wasn't 
as if he cared either. 

Now, he was angry with himself. For his own angst. What did he ever do to 
deserve this? Why did he have to be so nice to everyone? Why did it have to be 
this way? He slowly rubbed his eyes. It had been like this for a while now. He 
could've solved the problem himself a long time ago, if he wasn't such a coward. 
If he didn't feel that peoples feelings being hurt were inevitable.

Now, if he tried anything, it would tear asunder the lives of everyone he held 
dear. How exactly did it come to this? Why couldn't he of seen it earlier? He 
cursed his own stupidity under his breath, as he slowly rose into the cold and 
crisp morning air. Slowly cracking his knuckles, he yawned. The worst part of 
all...was that he loved her.

Yeah...he knew it. He'd known it for quite some time now. By the way he felt 
whenever she was near...the way he felt whenever she wasn't...the small touches 
that made him feel as if time itself had stopped, and he never wanted those 
casual moments of decent and unstimulated integrity to ever end.

But now...he felt pity for the others. Why did they have to love him? He was 
such a coward. Now, because he was afraid to hurt their feelings, the one he 
held most dear was suffering too. He smacked himself in the head. What did you 
ever do to deserve her, huh?

He shivered. The cold autumn wind blew through his hair, onto his face, and into 
the openings of his jacket. About a year ago is when this whole mess started. 
Since that crash landing, things had never been the same. Who'd want them to, 
anyway?

Yeah, he sometimes missed the quiet life...but then...he'd never see her 
anymore, if that wish came true. So he silently slew that opinion whenever it 
decided to rear its head within the confines of his tortured soul. He slowly 
walked down the steps, at a very slackened pace. His bare hands in his jacket 
pockets, to keep them warm from the biting winds.

Maybe they're all right. Maybe I am indecisive. I can't even decide how to tell 
the woman I love that I love her. This is pathetic. I wish I wasn't such a 
coward. He fiercely kicked the side of the steps as anger at himself grew.

"What did I ever do to deserve her?" Tenchi asked aloud.

He angrily spit into the woods as he descended the final steps, as he began to 
slowly trudge his way into the house. Regardless of how he felt about HER, he 
still pitied the other people in the house. Constantly awaiting his decision, 
patiently waiting every day for him to sit them down and say whom he finally 
chooses.

That would never happen. That would be too selfish, he thought. That would just 
be thinking about my feelings. But then again, it was tearing his entire being 
apart, being unable to tell the woman he loved exactly how he felt, and how he 
wanted so desperately to be with her forever.

He discarded this line of thought as he climbed onto the porch, and slid the 
door open. Everyone was already eating breakfast today. He sighed, and took off 
his jacket. Well, it's time to put on the old "everything's cool, guys" act, and 
act like he didn't like either girl more than the other. Before he entered the 
room, he slapped himself for the facade he was about to don.

He entered the room with a smile on his face, as the family turned to face him.

"Tenchi! You're late!"

"I'm sorry Sasami. Forgive me, okay?"

He went and sat down in between Ayeka and Ryoko, and then it all began. As it 
did every day. God almighty how he hated every day.

"Hey, Tenchi...give me a massage, will you?"

Tenchi laughed nervously as he looked at Ryoko and then at rest of his family, 
and then down the loaded barrel of a gun that was Ayeka's gaze at Ryoko.

"We are eating, Miss Ryoko!"

Tenchi elected not to make anything out of it, and began to eat. He knew that if 
he didn't say anything about it, someone's feelings would be hurt.

"This is really good, Sasami."

"Thanks, Tenchi."

"You'll have to teach me how to cook sometime."

"That'd be fine!"

He continued to eat, as the family engaged in their meaningless blather, causing 
him to slip further and further into the throes of his own despair. This made it 
harder for him to hold up and maintain the shield that was him being happy over 
his weak, tormented and screaming soul.

He quickly finished off his breakfast, it consisting of the usual things, such 
as Ryoko glomping him, Ayeka un-glomping Ryoko, everyone ducking and covering as 
the verbal warfare escalated into something potentially more violent.

Tenchi excused himself and hurriedly walked up the stairs to grab his book bag, 
fleece jacket, and homework before he headed off to school. He ran down the 
stairs and out the door without saying a word to everyone. No one really paid 
that any mind, as he was running late as it was. There were two people at the 
table who noticed, though.

As Tenchi casually jogged away from the house, he thought to himself. Whoops, I 
didn't say goodbye. That was a mistake. Now they're gonna be like:

"Oh, Lord Tenchi! Something must be wrong! I command you to tell me what it is 
this instant!"

"Tenchi...I can make you forget about ALL your problems...in your room, that 
is."

Really, he thought, it was pretty pathetic the way he led those two on. He knew 
if they sat down and talked to him about it seriously, not trying to seduce him 
or get mad at the other for trying to seduce him, those two had the ability to 
crack his fake persona rather easily...and that was the last thing he wanted 
right now.

Tenchi began to slow down as he neared the bus stop, as he began to lightly chew 
on his tongue. The wind blew at him again, and he shivered. Dammit...there has 
to be another way out of this problem. He saw an image...it was him...and he was 
alone.

That image retained as he grew older...and then he died, completely alone. Is 
this what was going to happen? He tried to shake the image from the dark 
recesses of his mind, but the image was forever burned into his soul like a 
festering wound that blazed against the darkness of his sorrow. 

He finally snapped himself back into reality...and he realized that his book 
bag, his homework, and his hat were on the ground, as he was staring into the 
gray autumn sky, as the cold wind his face again. This time, the wind stung as 
it passed under his eyes.

He slowly brought his hands up to his face, and slowly touched under his eyes. 
Steady streams of tears were flowing from his face. He started to cough, as he 
suddenly felt sick. What right did he have to be sick? He deserved this, for 
putting those girls who deserved so much more through the agony and sorrow of 
loss every single day. He slowly reached down, and collected his bag and papers, 
and stood and waited patiently as the bus pulled up. He wiped away all remnants 
of his tears, as he once again put on the mask of deceit...almost to punish 
himself...as if was a cheat, to make himself feel better, at least for a little 
while.

Ayeka was cleaning off the table with Sasami, but her mind was clearly not where 
it should be. She knew that Tenchi didn't have say good bye every morning, but 
it just wasn't like him. No...he hadn't done much like he used to anymore. He 
seemed so depressed...even though he tried so hard to suppress his feelings.

She could see that he tried as hard as he could, even though it was so blatantly 
obvious to everyone else. Tenchi was always like that. But hold on...like that? 
Just...really...what was Tenchi like? She knew much about the youth in the last 
year she had come to live in his house...but...there was something more to him.

What was that something? Something he didn't want others to see that was for 
certain. He tried to fervently to make his feelings about the others fall 
completely dormant within his soul, and it was obviously taking a toll on him. 
That was visually confirmable.

Oh, Tenchi...why do you try so hard not to hurt us? You're simply hurting us 
even more. Why is life so cruel? Someone who means well, only bringing pain 
beyond pain to all around him, even though that is clearly not his intent. How 
she wanted to go to him, right this instant and ease all of his suffering...that 
fact was causing her to suffer.

Suffering, misery, and despair. They seem to be in a natural abundance for the 
last few months, ever since everyone returned. She couldn't stand it. She wished 
that her feelings for Tenchi weren't so strong...so strong that every time they 
were in slight discomfort emotionally, that everyone in the house would end up 
suffering because of it.

No, this was wrong. There has to be someway out of this mad cycle. Are we 
nothing but petulant children, caught within the integrity of adult flesh? Why? 
Why is it that the instrument of love, designed to mend all wounds, was tearing 
the very fabric of their beings asunder? WHY?

Ryoko sat in Tenchi's room, on his bed, basking in the scent of Tenchi. It was 
far too chilly to go outside on the roof, and there was no point, because Tenchi 
was already gone. Gone...without even a simple good bye.

Something is wrong with Tenchi. I know him better than anyone. There is 
something in his mind...but what? God...I want to know! I want to know so I can 
destroy it! 

Ryoko stopped her thoughts, and continued to smell Tenchi. She laid her head 
down on his pillow, as it was still a little warm from him being there. She 
slowly picked the pillow up, and cradled it in her arms very gently, as if it 
was her child. She closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply. She opened her eyes, and 
they were throbbing with the urge to cry.

She put the pillow down, as she obviously had no desire to cry. She stood up off 
his bed, and walked over to his desk, which housed a lot a various papers strewn 
about in an unorganized fashion, and a bunch of CD's. Ryoko knew that one time 
after the whole Jurai incident was cleared up, Washu had slipped some sort of 
formula into everyone's dinner.

Well, it caused everyone to be sick for a week, but then everyone had the 
ability to read, write, talk and listen to over 300 different languages. After 
that, Ryoko had noticed Tenchi had taken up a taste in music from all over the 
globe, now that he could understand what they were saying.

Ryoko smiled at that thought. She wanted to return to that time, when Tenchi was 
happy, learning and exploring new things. She couldn't stand the way he was now. 
She moved on to another area of her room, when something caught her eye. It was 
a poem, written by Tenchi.

Well, it wasn't exactly a poem, more like a song. She read the lyrics to the 
song. It was definitely Tenchi's handwriting. The lyrics carved into her soul It 
was because if Tenchi had written out the lyrics...it means that it must have 
meant a lot to him. The lyrics sounded so familiar, somehow.

She walked over to the CD player, still gently holding the paper in her hand, 
and turned it on. She didn't know why, but some sort of instinct took over, and 
she turned the pre-inserted CD to track 5 and let it play. As they song was 
playing, she noticed as the words on the paper started to become distorted and 
wavy, and then she felt the small vibrations in her hand as her tears struck the 
paper lightly.

Yes, this was the song. She had heard it come out of Tenchi's room almost every 
day for the past month. This was obviously a reflection of exactly how he felt.

	This town don't feel mine,
	I'm fast to get away,
	I dressed you in her clothes,
	Now drive me far away,
	It feels good to know you're all mine,
	Now drive me far away,
	I don't care where, just far.

- Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away) : Deftones

Ryoko found herself sinking into the song, as she felt something within it. It 
was Tenchi's despair. She trembled as she stopped the song, and then slowly 
placed the paper onto the desk again. She slowly stepped back, and then fell to 
her knees sobbing.

Simple words wouldn't come close to accurately describe how badly she wanted to 
make Tenchi feel better and make this all go away. She'd be happy to take him 
far away...

Tenchi sat in his class, completely inattentive as to what was going on. He kept 
getting that same image in his head, again and again. How he longed to be with 
her...it was beginning to take control of his very being. He didn't know if he 
could keep this shame within him any longer.

No. He HAD to. It wasn't a choice he was allowed to make. The repercussions of 
such a thing would be devastating. To think of how everyone would suffer because 
of such a thing...but...Tenchi wasn't as blind as everyone thought he was. He 
could see quite visibly that what he was doing now was hurting them...even as we 
speak.

Especially her. The simple thought that she was in pain made him fight the urge 
to kill himself for all of it. Finally, at the height of his despair and 
anguish, he got up and left the room. He couldn't take it anymore. The 
instructor called after him once...but Tenchi didn't intend on returning that 
day.

He zipped up his fleece, put on his hat, and left the school.

"Where am I going to go?" he asked himself out loud.

There was no where to go. Going home means he'd have to actually have some 
courage to face his problem. He didn't have any of that right now. So, he just 
decided to walk home. It would take him almost until nightfall to get there. His 
legs and feet would be dead. But right now...that wasn't his problem. Before he 
knew what he was doing, he was heading towards his house.

The dinner table was exceptionally quiet that evening. Everyone ate in absolute 
silence. Only the sound of utensils, chopsticks, and chewing could be heard. 
Tenchi wasn't here. That wasn't the only problem. The school called after only 
about 9:00 in the morning saying he had just left. That was ten hours ago.

Katsuhito sat with a very stern expression across his face. Nobiyuki also had a 
stern expression on his face. It wasn't like Tenchi to do this. Why would he 
just leave? Is he even going to come back? Achika, dear GOD Achika, what should 
I do? I'm a complete failure as a parent without your guidance.

Nobiyuki soul screamed for some sort of answer, but none came. Thus, he sat, 
eating, no one aware of the immense pain he was suffering. Everyone was 
suffering. All from one boy. And the reason he was suffering was because they 
were suffering. It was a pitiful, disgusting vicious circle.

All eyes and heads turned to the sound of a door opening and closing. Everyone 
immediately stood up and walked over towards the door. Nobiyuki was there first.

"Tenchi! Why did you skip school? Why didn't you call at least?"

Tenchi removed his shoes, and carried them up the stairs with him, along with 
his jacket, without even acknologing that there was even anyone else in the 
house other than himself. They stood in complete silence as they heard the sound 
of a door shutting gently.

Everyone hung their heads, and slowly returned to the table. Ryoko and Ayeka 
remained for a few seconds longer, staring up the stairs, in some sort of vain 
hope that he'd come back downstairs he same old cheery self, but eventually that 
hope crumbled like all of their others and they slowly returned to the table. It 
was indeed a gloomy night.

Tenchi was thrashing about. The time was almost 3:00 in the morning, and he was 
obviously experiencing some sort of horrific nightmare. That same image replayed 
over and over again in the realms of his twisted subconscious. He felt that he 
had to tell her, and as soon as he was about to, the image of his family, 
smiling contently manifested adjacent to the image of his dead and alone. He 
screamed and smashed against the bars of his psychological cage, screaming for 
someone, anyone to finally solve this problem so that anyone could be happy.

He was finally jarred from his sleep, and he sat up, wearing only his boxers, 
and sweating heavily, staring down at the area of the sheets covering his knees. 
He was breathing heavily. It took him a few moments to realize that he wasn't 
the only one in the room. There, in fact, where 2 people in the room besides 
himself.

"He's awake..."

"Don't change the subject! I am sick to death of you always coming in here!"

"Shhh, you idiot! Besides, why the hell should you care? I don't even do 
anything! I just watch over him!"

"How can I believe that? For all I know you could've..."

"Yeah, and so what if I did? What's it to you? Even though I didn't, you got 
some nerve."

Tenchi looked over at Ryoko and Ayeka, quietly bickering in the dark. He looked 
over at his alarm clock. 2:54 AM. He slowly cleared his throat. They both turned 
to face him, as he turned on the light beside his, illuminating the room.

"What...are you two up to?" he said, more out of grogginess and curiosity than 
anger or spite.

"I was watching you...and you were having a nightmare...so I was going to wake 
you up, when she walked in and immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was 
doing otherwise."

Tenchi stared blankly at Ryoko. He knew this had to be true, because he really 
was having a nightmare. He slowly began to rub his eyes. He tried his best not 
to think about his problem, except as soon as even the thought of blocking his 
problem came into his head, so did the image of him being dead and alone. He 
sighed heavily.

"I...I'm sorry, Tenchi. I'll leave you."

"I apologize as well Lord Tenchi. I did not mean to wake you."

"No, you guys. That's not why woke up. I really was having a nightmare."

Ayeka partially hung her head in shame, and cowered, expecting the imminent 
gloat from Ryoko to come. It never did. She was more concerned with Tenchi than 
shoving it in Ayeka's face.

"What was it about, Tenchi?"

"Well...us, I guess."

"You and me?"

"No...like...all of us. The whole family. But mostly us three."

The girls stood there. They really didn't know what to say. Both of them were 
issuing tremendous restraint not to go to Tenchi and take him into their arms 
and comfort him, but they both knew that wasn't what he wanted right at this 
moment.

Tenchi looked around. He thought...at the very least, I should apologize to 
them. I owe them that much.

"Look...I'm really...really sorry."

The girls looked puzzled.

"Whatever for, Lord Tenchi?"

"For leading you on. I'm sorry that you guys have to go through the pain of my 
not admitting my feelings every day. It may not seem like I notice...but I do. I 
can see that I cut you deeper and deeper every day. Every word I say, and every 
time I don't say anything...I just make it worse. Both of you deserve so much 
better than that."

The two of them were both contemplating some sort of answer that would make 
Tenchi feel at peace. They really had never expected this to happen. This was 
the last thing either of them ever wanted...him being depressed and full of 
sorrow on their accord. However, in Ayeka's mind one of the phrases Tenchi used 
popped into her head.

"Umm...Lord Tenchi?"

"Yes, Miss Ayeka?"

"You said...not admitting your feelings? Does that mean...you do have feelings 
for one of us?"

Ryoko perked her head up. She never really thought of what he said that way. 
Tenchi sighed very heavily.

"Yes...it does."

They both were struck with many emotions at once. Fear, anxiety, guilt, 
happiness, anticipation, longing...to name a few. They both said gently at the 
same time, 

"Who?"

Once again, Tenchi sighed. This was the cause of everything. He knew it. He 
couldn't tell them.

"It's...not that easy, guys. If I say...don't you see what's going to happen?"

They remained still, not changing their expressions.

"But...Lord Tenchi...if you have feelings...why not admit them? Doesn't it hurt 
you not to?"

"Of course it does!"

They both were taken back by the sharpness of his tone.

"Surely you two must understand? How it feels? Every day having to put on this 
god damned disguise that I'm happy so I don't hurt any one? While at the same 
time, not a second goes by that it rips me apart on the inside that I can't say 
how I feel? How I want to be with them forever? How I want to spend all eternity 
with them? In their embrace, thinking nothing but of them? But then...what of 
everyone else?"

They were silent now. They had no idea that one of them had captured his heart 
in the same way he had captured theirs. Both of them timid, scared, and very 
anxious...but they wanted to know more than that. So Ryoko spoke.

"Just tell us, Tenchi. PLEASE."

Tenchi didn't know what to say.

"You mean...you'd rather have the possibility of me not being in love with you 
than what we have now?"

They both looked at each other and nodded. Tenchi thought about it. Maybe they 
could deal with it...but he certainly couldn't. The thought of what it would do 
to the other...it was heart-wrenching. However, there was a whisper in his 
heart. The whisper asked him one thing.

(Is it as painful as not being able to be with her?)

Was it? ....................................no. Nowhere near as painful. He 
looked into both of their eyes, and saw how badly they both wanted to know. 
But...he was a coward. He wouldn't have the courage to face the other if told 
them his true feelings. That voice once again spoke.

(Why don't you stop thinking of the results for once and actually do something? 
Life without pain isn't real.)

Finally, he managed to work up enough courage to open his mouth.

"Let me...ask you two something first. Can I do that?"

They both nodded.

"......I'm not really as strong a man as you might think. If I say...I'm going 
to want to leave here for a while. This house, this life. I won't be able to 
take it. Do you still want me to say?"

They both thought about it. They both had the same idea, and they said it in 
unison.

"Only if we can come with you."

He sighed.

"Only...the person I say though, right?"

Again, they nodded.

Well Tenchi. This is it. The day of reckoning is finally here. Even though 
you're doing it like a coward, at least you'll make one of them happy. And even 
though you will feel sorrow, you will feel happy too.

Tenchi rubbed his eyes. There was only one way he knew how to do this. He stood 
up, not caring that all he was wearing was his boxer shorts.

"This is the last time I'll ask. Are you sure?"

Again, they slowly nodded.

He sighed, and walked over to the closet. This was the only way he could do this 
without falling into absolute sorrow and despair. He pulled on his pants, and 
then a shirt. He pulled out a bag, and began clumsily stuffing shirts and pants 
into it. The girls watched him, patiently. They knew that he was dead serious, 
and that this was finally it.

He put on socks, and some deodorant. He put his watch on, then left the room. 
They never moved, and they heard the sound of the bathroom door open. They could 
hear running water as he was brushing his teeth. They heard the water stop, and 
the bathroom light click off.

Each step grew louder than the last as he came into the room, holding assorted 
toiletries, which he casually cast into his bag. He then zipped the bag up, and 
put on his shoes. Then he put on his fleece, and zipped that up. Then he put his 
blue baseball cap on, slung the bag over his shoulder and walked to the doorway, 
and opened it.

He was now standing directly in between the open door and the two girls. He 
closed his eyes, his stomach in the biggest knot ever thought possible, said a 
prayer to his mother, and then sighed one last time.

He opened his eyes, and looked out the door.

"I'm sorry."

Was what he said. And without looking back, he took Ryoko by the wrist and 
walked quickly out of the room, down the stairs and out the door.



So, what do you think? Want me to keep going? Want to me fall of a cliff and 
die? Send all your comments to bhoffer@home.com