A Tenchi Muyo, Fan Fiction. The Not So Typical Day At The Station. By Peter Suzuki. The series "Tenchi Muyo" is owned by Pioneer AIC… I think that’s how it’s spelled. It was cycle twelve at the Galaxy Police station, which stood in its perpetual orbit around the planet of Jurai. A heated discussion was occurring in the commissioner’s office. A discussion that took place more often than anyone would like to admit, but none would deny. "YOU ****ING A**HOLE!!!! YOU BRAINLESS SCUMBAG!!!! IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT SHE WAS PAIRED UP WITH ME, YOU ****ING, UNCARING LOWLIFES!!!! EVERY DAY I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS ****ING CRAP, AND LIVE THROUGH THE SAME HORRORS DAY AFTER DAY, AFTER DAY!!!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!! THAT WOMAN IS DRIVING ME INSANE!!!! And that’s when he jumped out of the window, sir." The commissioner nodded his head knowingly. "I see. And this was the third one this week?" "Fifth one, sir." "Oh, dear. And its only Tuesday." "Yes, well it seems that he landed on the planet, after he jumped. Apparently he crash landed into a pet shop, destroying the ceiling, and squashing three gerbils." "I will be sure to write up my apologies to their families." "Maybe you should also write a similar apology to the family of the officer, sir." "Perhaps you are right. How is he doing, by the way?" "Lieutenant Trakal should be let out of the hospital in about three to four months, after the doctors treat his injuries, sir." "Good, very good. Be sure to send him lots of flowers." "Sir, I do believe that he suffers from violent allergic reactions to pollen." "Oh, then ignore that last part." The commissioner pulled out a red cube from his desk. "By the way, could you help me with this? I can’t get it to materialize me a cup of coffee." The intern started twisting the cube in his hands. "Sir, forgive me for asking, but you have been the police commissioner for longer than I have been working on the force, and you still do not know how to work a ‘Control Cube’?" "Oh, I can work it just fine. I just can’t get it to make coffee." "And people wonder HOW he and his granddaughter could be related…" muttered the intern, as he continued to set the sequence in the cube. "What was that?" "Nothing, sir." A cup of coffee materialized in front of the commissioner. "Here you go." He handed back the cube. "Thank you. Now, may I see the file on the officer that Lieutenant Trakal was paired up with?" "Of course, sir." The intern handed over the file. "I believe that the officer he was partnered with was Officer Makabe Kiyone, from section seven." "I see. Top honor roll every month at the academy, highest in successful captures for three years in a row, about to be promoted to sergeant next promotion date… She seems like an outstanding officer." "She is, sir. One of the best, if not THE best on the force." "Then why have all of her previous partners either resigned, transferred, or in the case of Lieutenant Trakal, jumped out of a window, to fall into a pet-store, and kill some rodents?" "First of all, sir. I do not believe that it was Lieutenant Trakal’s intention to fall into the pet shop, or to end the lives of those gerbils. Secondly, you have to understand that the reason why she seems to drive her previous partners…crazy, is because she is sometimes TOO good." "Please explain." "Well, officer Makabe comes from a long line of perfectionists. Everything that she does, she puts her heart and soul into it. Because of this, she does things a lot better than most of her peers. This is also where the trouble is. You see, her partners begin to feel that they have to keep up with her standards of police work. They try their hardest, but eventually come to see that she is still better than them. Eventually they try so hard that they snap, and well… You’ve seen what happens." "Uh-huh. So what can we do about this?" "Well, the best solution would be to re-partner her up with someone else." "Uh-huh." "Someone who will not resign, after being partnered with her." "Uh-huh." "Someone who can be kind, considerate, and forgiving." "Uh-huh." "Sir, are you even paying attention to what I am saying?" "Uh-huh." "Then what is two plus two?" "Uh-huh." "……Should’ve expected as much… Well, do you have any suggestions, sir?" "About what?" "About who should be partnered with officer Makabe." "Oh, right. That. Well, one officer comes to mind." Uh-oh. He’s got THAT look in his eye, again. "Sir, please. You can’t honestly be thinking of…" "My granddaughter, Mihoshi. She’ll be the perfect partner for officer Kiyone." "Sir, do you know why I became an intern?" "Um…… I dunno. Why?" "So I could NOT be partnered up with your granddaughter, Mihoshi." "Really? Why?" "Sir, with all due respect, your granddaughter is a compete, and total klutz. She has trouble focusing on new subjects. Whenever she encounters something new, she often tries to work with it in the same way she would do something similar. Often with disastrous results. And she, like the rest of her family, are apparently, and unnaturally, accident prone." "Her family is not accident prone! I am tired of these untrue rumors that h-" the commissioner set his coffee cup down on a certain ‘Red Button’. *ARUUUUUUUUUGA!!!* *ARUUUUUUUUUGA!!!* *ARUUUUUUUUUGA!!!* The lights start flashing in red. "I pushed the button again, didn’t I?" "Yes you did, sir." "Quick, I’ve got to turn this thing off!" "Sir." "Quickly, Hiro! Inform everyone that this is a false alarm! They’re probably expecting an attack!" The commissioner pulled out his control board, "Damn, I keep forgetting that there are so many buttons on this thing." And began to blindly push the multicolored buttons. The intern, ever calm, turned on the intercom. "Attention people. This is a FALSE alarm. There is no real danger. Just please stay calm, and wait for the alarm to end. Officers, there is no real emergency, so stop preparing for a battle… This means YOU, officer Kuramitsu." On one of the lower levels, the officer, ever cheerfully, came to the realization. "Oh, I see! So this ISN’T a real ‘Red-Alert’! That’s why no one was fighting! ^_^" Back in the commissioner’s office, several minor disasters were brewing. In his haste to attempt to turn off the alarm, activated several other devices in the office. The television monitor constantly switched between the two programs of "Bananas in Pajamas", and "Barney & Friends". Both episodes of which, the commissioner had previously seen, and thus wasn’t distracted from his button pushing. On the desk, the commissioner’s "Birdie that bobs up-an-down" was brutally stabbing at the commissioner’s favorite paperweight. Despite the beating that it was taking, the inanimate object refused to give in to the onslaught being given by the ‘slightly-more’ animate object. Meanwhile, the "Meal Maker 9000" was creating the new and exotic, culinary dish of "Minced Celery Flambe". Seven knives on robot arms, savagely hacked and slashed a poor, defenseless, celery stalk until it was reduced to nothing more than a fine green mush, of vegetable protein. The pile-o-fiber was then tossed into a flaming grill, where it was promptly incinerated into a fine ash. The computerized cooker then had the audacity to electronically say, "Bon appitie!" And in the corner of the office, the robot arms were doing their daily ritual of feeding the commissioner’s plant, a few hours early. After two scoops of the pink crystal plant food, the arms seemed to have decided that feeding the plant food one scoop at a time was entirely too slow, for the arms proceeded in dumping the entire canister of food onto the plant, burying the flower in a pile of pinkish-white sand. Just as the two arms left the buried plant, the wall slid up and produced a water cooler, which promptly relieved itself entirely on the hapless plant. The empty cooler left back into the hole in the wall from where it came from, but not before the door started coming down a little too soon. The door decapitated the empty bottle from its body, and split the plastic container in two. The lower half leaped inward, toward its missing body, while the other shot outward…toward the back of the commissioner’s head. The commissioner looked down, from his keyboard. "Oh, dear. My shoe is untied." Immediately after he bent down to tie his shoe, the top half of a plastic water bottle shot over him, right where his head used to be. The intern watched as the half of a plastic receptacle flew into a trash bind, which had its lid rapidly moving up-an-down, and was making noise in a way that would befit a monster that would have scared a small child, or Mihoshi, had either been in its presence at the time. Meanwhile, the plant, now with an over-access of food and water, began to adjust its size to fit its new high level of energy. The flower stretched and twisted, growing in size and weight. Its petals developed an armor-like thickness to themselves, and shark-like teeth developed around its center. The now carnivorous plant craved humanoid blood as sustenance, and would have gained a decent meal had not the SPINNING picture frame behind it gained a hold upon the giant plant. Like a food processor to a normal vegetable, the frame reduced the four and a half foot "Lethal Lilly" to a couple dozen chunks of freshly cut flower, pulling even the two foot root into the abyss of where the picture went whenever it should have spun into the wall. This left the empty pot-o-mud to slide back into its little spot in the wall, leaving the place looking as if nothing had happened. The intern decided to end this little ‘Three Ring Circus’ before it got any worse. "Sir, have you tried pushing the button AGAIN?" The commissioner realized what he had forgotten about the ‘Red Button’, and slapped himself on the forehead. "Silly me! That’s what I was doing wrong." He then pushed the button, and the whole chaos stopped. Thus returning the office to its relative normality. "Now, what were we talking about?" "I was just telling you why I don’t approve of who you are partnering up with officer Makabe." "Oh. Well I still don’t see why." "Sir, I do not believe that she will get along with her." "Mihoshi gets along with everybody." "I’m not talking about Mihoshi, sir." "Oh." "I’m afraid that there is nothing that will convince me to change my opinion, sir." "Then I’m afraid that I’ll have to make one of them an intern." "Excuse me, sir?" "Well the only way that I can keep two officers from being partnered up, is by making one of them an intern, like yourself." "……………………I’ll inform them that they will be partnered up to each other, tomorrow." "Good. I knew that you would see it my way." "Y-yes sir." The intern then left the commissioner’s office. He stood outside the door, and pondered his predicament. He just effectively partnered the two most contrasting members on the Galaxy Police force. He knew that it was quite necessary for the sake of his sanity. He could only put up with officer Makabe, Kiyone for a few days before he would start to act like Lieutenant Trakal. And as for officer Kuramitsu, Mihoshi… *ARUUUUUUUUUGA!!!* *ARUUUUUUUUUGA!!!* *ARUUUUUUUUUGA!!!* "Push the button AGAIN, sir." The intern said to the commissioner, behind the door. The lights and sirens stopped. "Thanks." Said the commissioner, from his office. "I’m going to have to ask maintenance to move that damn button." Thought the intern. He then turned back to his original musings. "I can only hope that Mihoshi and Kiyone don’t end up killing each other." The next day would be the day that Kiyone would recall as being the day that the HELL started. END. AUTHOR’S NOTES: I slipped back into my "Classical Writer Wannabe" mode, near the end there. Could you tell? Sorry for the lack of a good title. This actually started out as a simple Spam-fic, entitled "Why They Were Partnered Up." But the story became much longer than I originally planned, and the story seemed to drift off from the original plot. The story eventually became more centered around the commissioner, and the intern. I just couldn’t come up with a suitable title for it. "The Not So Typical Day At The Station." Was the only thing that I could come up with. My apologies. In case your wondering, YES that is the same Trakal that was killed in the Tenchi Muyo movie. The idea is that after he got out of the hospital, he had lost his memory of when he had been partnered up with Kiyone. Sorry for all of you Trakal fans out there. I just needed a normally ‘Tough as Nails’ cop to fill in that part, and Kiyone was supposed to be the one causing the problem, so I had to put the Operative into the place. There were two things that I was trying to point out in this story. 1. Kiyone may have been partnered with Mihoshi because she ALSO had a knack for driving her partners insane. Hey, taking a job TOO seriously can do that to the ones you work with (and she takes her job SERIOUSLY). 2. Mihoshi’s Mihoshiness could have been hereditary. You never know. The intern is my own original character. His full name is Hiroshi (Hiro) Yukinojo. Yes, Yukinojo, the same as Mihoshi’s personal robot/computer. The computer was named after him. He’s calm, serious, able to put up with the commissioner’s bumbling, as well as knowing how to avoid him and his granddaughter. He knows that neither of them are at all stupid (In fact, they can be quite intelligent, when they want to be.), just clumsy (and unfocussed). He is an average looking guy, with slightly curly brown hair that is tied in a pony-tail. When he is not pushing papers or listening to the commissioner, he is usually resting in his recliner that sits at his desk. He kind of has the life that Tenchi WISHES that he could have. I hope that you have enjoyed reading this Fan Fiction. It contains some of my best comedic work. Here's a funny little joke that doesn't have anything to do with my Fan Fic, but I'm putting in here anyway. We will never have to worry about crime reaching the head of our country, because stupidity will always prevail. A crack dealer will NEVER be President of the United States. A crack ADDIC however... My scencere apologies for that joke. I don't know what got into me. Peter Suzuki.