Once apon a time a 17-year old boy called Tenchi Masaki, who although he
didn't know it, only had one grandfather (think about it) and thus had a
gene-related disease that meant he'd never go through puberty. At least, of
course, until Washu got round to it, something she was increasingly
suggesting. This meant he lived in a house full of girls yet never noticed
them.
Anyway, this slack-jawed 17-year old was ploughing fields under the watchful
eye of Washu (who'd promised more "tests" if he didn't, and thus this simple
shrine boy had inexplicable become a farmer) when he saw little Sasami
apparently being shot into the air by some sort of cannon on either side of
a canyon. This was odd because, earlier in the year, she had accidently
witnessed her sweet sister torturing a space pirate and generally being
sadistic. The event had harrowed Sasami, who now hid from her vengeful
sister by staying inside and being a slave of the house. She rarely ventured
outside, lest she be seen by her sister.
But, Tenchi could swear, he she was, outside, having fun. What possible
attraction could do this to Sasami? He moved in closer, his brain shouting
silently at his body because it wasn't interested in the small girl's
figure, because secretly this was what that dirty Tenchi was attracted to,
and i'd better get on with the story and not this disgusting smut, and
noticed that she wasn't being shot out of anything. She was riding something
Tenchi vaguely recognised as a skateboard in a structure which looked kind
of like half a pipe. Anything that got Sasami out of the house had to be
special.
"Hey Sasami, can I try that?"
"Don't be silly, Tenchi, you're to big! You'd break it! Anyway, why would
you want to try out this silly sport for kids?"
"No reason, just looks kinda cool... i'll go now."

Ryoko sat in a bathtub. The reason for this happening was unclear, but since
it was happening in Washu's lab it all made sense. It had something to do
with a check-up or studies or something. She clutched a bottle of sake in
one hand, and re-adjusted her hair with the other. She'd been here for an
hour, reading dirty manga while probes probed her, measurers measured her
and cameras cameraed her. Meanwhile, all Washu did was sit at her magic PC
(which ran on Washix) and typed, and laughed, and chuckled, and shouted "I'm
striking it rich!"
The minutes passed, and Ryoko grew even boreder. Finally, after what seemed
like a really long time, Washu finished uploading the last of the pictures,
gave Ryoko her clothes back, and ushered her along.
As she left, Ryoko noticed Ayeka. As she was tired and aching, she was ready
to ignore her, but the little smarty-pants princess just wouldn't leave her
alone.
"Ryoko.... have you seen Sasami? I need her to iron my clothes, and wash the
bath, and cook my evening meal, and..." she mumbled.
"She went outside for something. Don't know why, probably wanted to see
Tenchi."
A flash of jealousy rumbled through Ayeka. "I hope you're not trying to be
funny, space pirate," she said and marched off outside.
A look of confusion passed Ryoko's face. She had absoulutely no idea what
had happened, and so she collapsed in the hallway, a look of relief on her
face.

"Ms Washu?" Tenchi's voice echoed through the hallways of Washu's
Laborotory. "I need to use your computer...."
"Yeah, Tenchi?" Washu suddenly popped up. "You wanna spend some time with
me?"
"Er... no Ms Washu, really, I just came to use you computer... is there
something wrong?" Tenchi blurted.
Washu edged even closer to him. "Well... it was just that... I was so
lonely, I just thought you'd come to... see me..."
"Alright Washu. What do you want from me?"
"Just a few tests, here and there... don't worry,Tenchi! I'll take good care
of you...nehehehe..."

"Mr Nobuyuki! Mr Nobuyuki! I've got a letter for- wahaaaa!"
Mihoshi swiftly tripped over the last step, rolled drunkedly and flew her
way into Nobuyuki's bedroom, landing akwardly on the carpet.
"Mi- Mihoshi!" spluttered Nobuyuki, who swiftly tried to hide his laptop to
conceal what he was doing. Mihoshi, in a rare moment, was too quick for him,
snatching it out of his hands.
"No... Mihoshi, look, i can explain..."
"What is this Mr. Nobuyuki? Are these pictures of... oh my god! And this...
I never knew you were always..."
"Mihoshi... it isn't what it looks like... I was just...
ohcrapohcrapohcrap..."
"Mr. Nobuyuki... I never knew you liked fishing!"
"What? Fishing? Ah! Yes... I always have liked fishing."
"No kidding! Well, here's your letter..."
Mihoshi shoved her hands into her pockets, similtaniously dropping the
laptop which Nobuyuki caught not a moment too soon. After she handed him the
letter, she left, and Nobuyuki got back to his laptop. He couldn't believe
his luck. When she grabbed the laptop, she'd somehow typed in the address of
a fishing website. Talk about luck... He clicked "back", and continued to
browse the mysterious red-haired person's popular website. One or two of the
subjects looked kind of familiar...

Tenchi sat in a bathtub. Just the latest of the odd happenings that happened
oddly when ever he entered Washu's domain. A syringe pumped something Washu
called, while laughing oddly, "hore-mons," while some camera's
similtaniously took pictures of him. And all the while Washu just sat
quietly at her computer, with a big stupid smile on her face. When he was
finally allowed to leave, Washu had told him "Relax for a while, just let
the hormones take effect, then come back later... Tenchi." As he stepped out
he almost tripped over Ryoko. As he looked at her, he couldn't help but feel
a strange feeling of wanting to hold her very, very tight, but he dismissed
it and stepped over her peaceful body. As he walked along, he saw Sasami.
She had some odd-looking bruises on her arms.
"Sasami, what are those marks?"
"Nothing..." she said in a quiet voice. "They're just from the
skateboarding. Anyway, i'm not supposed to talk to you, or Ayeka said..."
She ran off, sobbing.
Tenchi was confused by all this, thought "why not, everyone else is doing
it" and fell over, unconsious.

Mihoshi was enjoying her job. After tripping over the pile of mail, she'd
set it upon herself to deliver it to the recipients. She'd already given
Nobuyuki his letter, laid a pile of TV offers gently on Ryoko, and ooh! ooh!
now she had to give Yosho/Katsihiro/whatever he's called this episode his
"Real Working Lightsaber - a Hit at Parties!" As she neared the place
Nobuyuki had said he'd be training, she heard a gun shot, a high pitched
scream and then, just the rustle of the trees. She came upon a clearing and
saw Yosho and a friend.
"Hey, Kiyone, I didn't know you were training with Yosho! Look's like you
lost - he's got you pinned to the ground!" Mihoshi squealed.
"Noooo! Mihoshi, he's trying to ra-" Kiyone was cut off as Yosho increased
the pressure on her neck.
"Look, there's no need to pretend you won Kiyone... anyway Mr. Yosho, here's
your post!"
Yosho didn't answer, so Mihoshi laid the parcel by him and set off back.
A while later, she heard a battle cry, a gun shot, and then, from the sky, a
singed piece of beard and a pair of twisted spectacles.

Tenchi found himself being shook vigourously.
"Got the full Washu treatment too, hey?"
He looked up and saw two Ryokos looking at him.
"What... what's happening?"
"Relax, you just had a run in with that Ayeka woman... now everything will
be ok."
The two faces merged into one, and Tenchi remembered something.
"Wait! I've got to see Washu!"
He looked at Ryoko, and had a strange desire to forget about Washu and run
away over the fields with Ryoko. But he shook it off and stumbled to Washu's
Domain.

"Ms Washu? You wanted me?"
Washu once again shot up beside him with no warning, wearing make-up,
looking 17 again (rather than 7), and wearing a revealing dress. Tenchi had
one of the increasingly common desires to go to his bedroom with Washu, and
not come down for a while. But his increasingly stressed brain shook all
this off, and followed Washu to a small restaurant, inexplicably hanging
several metres above the ground in the middle of the lab. They took a lift
up, and Tenchi sat opposite Washu at a table.
"So Washu, why did you want me back here?"
"For a... check-up..."
At this point she winked, and Tenchi's addled brain, which had been putting
together the pieces for the past while, almost realised what she meant.
"Well," said Tenchi, "you don't mind if I borrow your computer? Only that I
wanted to buy a skateboard, one like Sasami's got, ok?"
"Whatever you say, Tenchi..." Washu murmured. She was beginning to order a
meal, containing lots of sake, several bowls of nachos, and a huge bowl of
cocktail sausages/wieners.
Tenchi rested his fingers on the keyboard of the computer which had just
materialised in mid air, and ran a search for skateboards.
Washu put on some loud Blink 182, and grabbed a bowl of nachos.
"Hey! Tenchi!" she shouted over the noise. "Come and join the party!"

Meanwhile, the Masaki extended family were playing Scrabble. At least, a few
of them were. Ryoko was sulking on the ceiling after learning "goddessryoko"
wasn't a word, Kiyone was deep in the bowels of a armchair, looking worn out
and pointing a gun at anything that moved, Yosho was in custody, and
Ryo-okhi was dying from a lack of vitamins and protein. He had tried to tell
Tenchi, but he responded by saying "That's right, all these carrots are for
you" and giving him another goddamn carrot.
But Sasami, Mihoshi, Nobuyuki and Ayeka were still engrossed in the game.
Just as Mihoshi inexplicably won again with the word "urine" the little
yellow pieces were shook off the table by the sounds of Linkin Park.
"A party?" exclaimed Ryoko, who, having immediately woken from her sulk, was
already gone with a "fswtt". Everybody else crept down the hallway, realised
it was coming from Washu's, laughed, and ran to the cupboard under the
stairs.

Tenchi was finding it hard to concentrate on selecting a skateboard.
"Washu!!!" he yelled over the lyrics of Dr. Dre. "CAN YOU TURN IT DOWN?" he
shouted.
"No way, Tenchi! We could go upstairs... it'd be a lot quieter there..."
Tenchi groaned. Everybody was having much more fun than him, because of the
fact they were (mostly) older than him. Even Sasami had got herself
hyperactive on Coke and had to be carried upstairs to an early bedtime. But
at 17 he chose not to drink alcohol, a decision he was starting to regret.
"Hey... Tenchi-boy... wanna... wanna... wanna come see my..." Ryoko slumped
drunkedly over him. Tenchi nudged her onto the floor. A little further away,
Nobuyuki was harrasing Ayeka, who was rapidly trying to think of a way to
politely slap him. Kiyone was rappin' on the karaoke machine, drawing a
small crowd (consisting of Mihoshi) and even Yosho had been released on
bail, and was enjoying a few drinks.
Tenchi groaned again. The lights, the music, and a drunken Kiyone trying to
kiss him finally made him pass out.

All characters in this fictional story are owned by Pioneer/AIC. Any
resemblance to any persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental or
possibly satirical. Exercise regularly. Your milage may vary.