The Wedding Day "Wow! I can't believe my Tenchi's finally getting married!!" Nobiyuki kept saying to himself. "Father, would you shut up?! I'm trying to get grandfather's tie on straight!" Sasami yelled, veins popping out of her forehead. "You never learned how to tie a tie, father?!" Nobiyuki asked, dumb stricken. "Well, uh, that's never a problem when you're a very respected priest and only have to wear a ceremonial gound all the time- Hey! Stop choking me!" Yosho complained. "Hey you guys!" Washu yelled, popping her head in the doorway. "We have to be out there soon!" "Wow!" Nobiyuki mused. "She's really all into this! I wonder what made her change her mind so quickly about this wedding." "What do you mean?" Sasami asked. "Well, didn't she first dislike this wedding because she wanted Tenchi for herself?" "No, not really." "Well, didn't she admonish all of us for driving Aeka out because she really had a fondness for her as a person?" "Nope. In fact her exact words were ‘Hell with the bitch.'" "Hmm ... That doesn't sound very in character for her, does it?" "I guess not," Sasami replied, not really paying attention. "In fact, I guess most of us aren't acting really in character. One would think someone would be against this wedding and against us driving Aeka out of our loving household and virtually ruining any chance she's ever going to have at romance again." Sasami stopped and thought about that for a second. "Eh," they both said, dropping the issue. "Come on you guys!" Mihoshi yelled from the doorway, pointing to her wrist. "Well, I guess that about does it for you, gramps," Sasami told Yosho. "Let's move ‘em out!" A few minutes and one "Here Comes the Bride" medley later: "Dearly beloved," Yosho addressed the audience and the new couple. Sasami and Mihoshi were crying. "We are gathered here today to join these two loving souls in eternal wedlock." Washu and Nobiyuki looked on with tears of pride shining off their eyes, blinding various birds overhead, sending them crashing into trees and tv antennas. "And holy matrimony..." Tenchi smiled nervously at his bride to be, who was then using a tooth pick to get broccoli from between her teeth. Ryoko was just preoccupied with the broccoli. "Get to the good stuff, already," she mumbled more than once under her breath. "Oh baby! Baby baby baby baby baby BABY!!!!" Misato screamed at the top of her lungs, hugging her rejected child with all her might. Underneath her, Aeka was gasping feverishly for breath. "I'LL KILL ‘EM!!!!" Azusa screamed. "THAT LITTLE PUNK CAN'T DO THIS TO MY DAUGHTER!!! WHO IN THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS?!!!!" "YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM?!!" Funaho screamed back. "NO!!! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!!! HIM AND THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING SON OF OURS!!! DIDN'T WE TEACH THEM ANY RESPECT?!!! ANY MANNERS!!! AND SENSE?!!!!!!!!" "No, mother, father, dear Funaho," Aeka said, pushing herself away from her mother. "We don't need to do anything like that. I just want a clean break, please. Don't do anything rash." "YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO DO ANYTHING RASH WHEN MY DAUGHTER HAS BEEN VIOLATED?!!!" Azusa screamed at Aeka. "YOU'RE ROYALTY, DANG IT!!! AND THAT MEANS NO ONE REJECTS YOU!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!!! I'm not saying I would have let him marry you in the first place, mind you; I mean that would have been totally out of character for me. I mean me making such a huge deal about this anyway is kinda out of character, but I guess it can be rationalized. What they did, though is exceptionally out of character. I would think that whatever person or thing or god or whatever who's making all this happen, you know, the one either up above or wherever that determines fate and everything, would have done something a little bit more believable." "Well" Misato thought to herself out loud, "maybe what god, or whoever, is trying to do is make a parody of something, you know, something wrong, like some place where this kind of stuff happens. Or maybe something that people often create or write, for instance, where this kind of behavior seems realistic, if not down right expected, when in fact it really isn't." "Yeh!" Funaho joined in. "Perhaps it's kind of like a parody of some other world, some other dimension or something, you know, kind of like a person putting on a play to ridicule a certain way of life, or writing a fanfiction to criticize a tv show. Or, even a fanfiction written to criticize another fanfiction. That's kind of an example of what's happening here, don't you think?" Everyone paused and looked at each other for a moment, thinking about what they were really considering. "Nah!" they all said to each other. "ANYWAY!!!" Azusa continued. "I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE MY DAUGHTER JUST CAST ASIDE BY A FAMILY THAT WASN'T EVEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! AND NOTHING, AND I MEAN NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME FROM TAKING SERIOUS ACTION FOR THEIR STUPID AND THOUGHTLESS MISTAKES!!! I'LL DECLARE WAR, OR BLAST THEIR PLANET INTO SMITHERINES, OR SEND MY ARMY TO TAKE OUT EACH AND EVERY LAST LIVING BEING ON THAT PLANET AND DESTROY THEM ALL!!!! AND RIGHT BEFORE THAT STUPID, DARE I SAY TREASONOUS BOY HAS TIME TO DEAL WITH THE TOTAL GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY OF WHAT HE HAS INDIRECTLY CAUSED, I'LL TEAR HIS HEAD OFF!!! NO, HIS HEART!!! NO, HIS SPLEEN!!! THEN HIS HEART!!! THEN HIS-" "Father please," Aeka spoke to him softly, putting her relatively tiny hands onto his huge chest. "Please just let me take this in stride, let me be strong in this time of crisis. I can rise above this. I can use this to help me get stronger. Regardless of what you do, dear father, it'll never give me happiness. It'll never give me back those years of foolish love and fancy. I chased the wrong boy, father. Just let me deal with that for now. Let me show them and all the universe that I am, in fact, royalty." "Well, I ... I ..." "Please father. Let me handle this my own way. For once in my life, let me make a decision, let me do what's best for this planet and myself." "Well ... ok. But I'm not going to let my only other daughter stay there another second. FUNAHO!!! Man the ship! I'm going to Earth to retrieve my youngest!!!" "Father!" Aeka called out as Azusa stormed out the room. "Don't worry Aeka!" he called back, waving a hand into the air. "I won't ... kill him." And with that he was off with Funaho close behind. Aeka sighed a sigh of relief and slouched down into a purple couch. She had just barely fought off the tears during that confrontation, but she doubted she could hold them back much longer. Oh how cruel fate was. She felt fatigued and depressed, gazing uncontentedly around her room. She looked tiredly around, from the doorway to the water of life faucet, from the faucet to the spring of light toilet room, from the spring of light toilet room to her mother, from her mother to- "OH BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY!!!!!" Misato screeched, grabbing her daughter back into her loving chokehold. Back on Earth: "I do," Tenchi said, gazing deep into Ryoko's eyes, his hands nervously wiping the pants of his tuxedo. "I sure as HECK DO!!!!" Ryoko screamed, giving a triumphant "YEEHAW!!!" into the air, which was responded with thunderous applause from the audience. "That's my son," Nobiyuki said between sobs. "THAT'S MY DAUGHTER!!!" Washu screamed between "WHOO HOO!!!"s. "That's our Ryoko and Tenchi!!" Sasami and Mihoshi yelled, embracing during the emotion, white blotches of tear matter flowing down their faces. "I now pronounce you man and wife," Yosho said smiling. "You may kiss the bride." Tenchi smiled lovingly. Ryoko grinned maniacally. Tenchi's hand fluttered carefully towards the back of her head to pull her to him. Ryoko's hand shot right to Tenchi's "big johnson." And they kissed, Ryoko bending over Tenchi, warm, extremely passionate, Ryoko's tongue whipping around Tenchi's mouth like a two year old schizophrenic. After nearly five minutes, Ryoko let go, and Tenchi started gasping for breath. "Oh TENCHI!!!" Ryoko yelled. "THAT KISS WAS SO ... SO ... so ... well, it was kinda ordinary." "What was that?" Tenchi asked between gags. "Oh ... nothing." Ryoko forced a smile and grabbed Tenchi's hand, thrusting it upward, as if they had just won a wrestling match. And that was the Tenchi and Ryoko wedding. This is where a normal Ryoko gets Tenchi fic would end....