The new rules of engagement:
<"">= Writer #1
<{}>= Writer #1 (thinking)
<<"">>= Writer #2
<<{}>>= Writer #2 (thinking)
<<<>>>= Writer event
<<<<"">>>>= Writers in unison
<<<<{}>>>>= Writers thinking in unison
{}= Character thought
Old rules:
We used to have some.... but.....they've been...ummm..."fixed".
There was also a rule about the fics making some kind of sense.....oh, wait, 
nevermind...


<"So, let's start our story, 'TENCHI:RETURN OF THE OLD MAN!'.">

<<"Hey, wait a minute!  The title of the story was supposed to be...'THE OLD MAN 
STRIKES BACK!'.">>

<"No, it was 'TENCHI: A NEW OLD MAN'!">

<<<The whole Star Wars cast appears out of nowhere.  Luke and Vader each take a 
writer and begin to "Force Strangle" him.>>>

<<"Huh, Think you're all High and Mighty..." he gasped, "...Think you can beat 
us?  We're the writers!">>

<<<<"SECURITY!!!">>>>

<<<Ukio runs in the door and smashes The scrawny bodied Mark Hamill, and his 
would-be-sweetheart, Carrie Fisher!  Then, an entire regiment of SpacePolice-
Policemen run in, taking most of the minor characters out, one-by-one and 
leaving Vader, and the little cratures like Jawas and Ewoks.  Shampoo runs in 
with Mousse following close behind."
"You I kill!" yelled Shampoo, smashing Vader with her bonbouri.

<<<As Vader is smashed, Writer #1 pushes a button, opening the ceiling. People 
clear out of the way as a giagantic, purple foot, with a Nike emblem on the 
bottom, comes crashing down, smashing the little creatures with a 'SPLAT'!>>>

<<"Thanks Shinji!">>

"No Problem!" Shinji shouts back, turning back towards NERV.

<<<With the rude interruption gone, The writers get back to...what else...Writ--
screwing around.>>>

<"So, back to names for this episode...">

<<"I think that we should name it 'TENCHITENCHITENCHI'">>

<"NO!  How 'bout 'Tenchi: The day that didn't make sense'">

<<"But that's every day in our stories...">>

<"Oh yeah...">

"Hello?  Am I late?" asks Tenchi, as he tries to sneak into the building.

<<"No, we haven't started yet...">>

"...oh, good," he said, relieved.

<"We'll call you when we're ready.">

<<<Tenchi walks out of the building.  Outside, he is met by a horde of horny 
women.  After a couple seconds, a beam sword is ignited as Ryoko scares the 
women off.  Ayeka, Sasami, Washu, Kyone, Mihoshi, and Ryoko then pick Tenchi up 
off the ground, and carry him off to a discreet location.>>>

"Where are you taking me?" asked Tenchi.

"Somewhere where we're gonna' have "fun"!" answered Ryoko.

"I'm scared!" screamed Tenchi likle a little girl.

"You should be..." replied Ayeka.

"Sasami too?" asked Tenchi, horrified.

"Yes, Sasami too..." answered Kyone.

"Who's pinching my ass?" asked Tenchi, even more horrified.

"I am!" said Mihoshi.

"You've been a very good boy, Tenchi!  We're going to "reward" you!" said Washu.

...meanwhile, back at the studio...

<<<<"Lucky bastard!">>>>

<<"Why does he have women "rewarding" him?">>

<"He's got a hot ass..I mean....">

<<"Is there something you havn't told me?">>

<"No, I didn't type that!">

<<<They hear tippity-tappiting under the table, and look to see what it is.  The 
Funny-looking old man was typing on a compact keyboard.>>>
"Hehe, they'll never know..." he chuckled to himself.

<<<<"Ahem...">>>>

"Ooops, you caught me..." said the old man dissapearing in a puff of smoke.

<"Damn, why'd we have to go and give him that power?">

<<"I don't know">>

<<<Writer #2 picks up a paperweight and throws it over his shoulder.  The old 
man, who was sneaking in the window, was hit directly on the nose, and 
dissapeared in a puff of smoke.>>>

<"Jeez...He's worse than cockroaches...">

<<"Hey, I'm kinda hungry.">>

<"Yeah, me too.  Let's get something to eat.">

<<"Sure, lets get the backup writer.  Where's Tenchi?>>

<"He's off gettin' screwed, remember?">

<<"Oh, yeah.  Lucky bastard!">>

<"Get E.T. then...">

<<"Okay.">>

<<<E.T. comes to the typewriter.>>>


----Rule change:  When someone fills in for the writers, they mark with this: 
{""}

              
{"E.T. Write story.  E.T. Write good.  E.T. Phone home.  E.T. Phone clone at 
home.  E.T. phone clone at home with phone. Gooood.  E.T. Poet!  E.T. Write 
Haiku:
	Falling upside-down.
	Wet the bed last night...real wet,
	Bush laughs mockingly.
E.T. Also write song! ...No want to hear? ...Why not? ...audience sucks!
Want to hear 'nother poem?:
	Like Pornography,
	Have lots of fun all night long
	Masturbating good.

...No Like?  Brother F.U. like lots!"}


<<<A faint "SECURITY" was heard from the direction of the local McDonalds.  
Suddenly, a Gigantic purple foot with a Nike emblem on the bottom breaks through 
the ceiling, killing E.T. instantly.>>>

<"Damn!  You forgot to open the ceiling!">

<<"Oops.  I'll fix it.">>

<<<Writer #2 snapped his fingers, fixing the ceiling.>>>

<"Damn that E.T.!  I should have known he wasn't trustworthy enough to carry out 
our duties.">

<<Yeah, but...HEY!  Doesn't Tenchi have a cell phone?">>

<"Oh, yeah!  Give him a call!">

<<<A phone appears on the table.  Which Writer #2 picks up.>>>

"Hello?" answered Tenchi, a bit faintly.

<<"Hello?  Tenchi?  We need a replacement writer.">>

"Why can't you write?"

<<"We're eating lunch...">>

<"With our girlfriends..." he whispered.">

<<"..yeah, with our girlfriends.  Say hello, um, Mink!">>

<He puts his fingers to his neck, cleared his throat and..."Konichiwa!"  A 
perfect facsimile.>

"what's wrong with her?"

<<"Not dubbed...?">>

"oh.  ok."

<"Don't forget my girlfriend: Mima!" He picked up a second phone.>

<<"Hello" another perfect facsimile.>>

"Okay.  I'll be there soon."

<"by the way?  How was it? with the girls, I mean.">

"oh, well, they took me to an amusement park."

<<"Kinky!">>

"they took me on a roller coaster, I think it was called The Liquifier."

<<"Wow, really kinky!">>

<"I thought you had motion sickness...">

"I do.  That's how they "rewarded" me."

<<"oh, so you really got screwed, didn't you.">>

"yep."

<<"sorry about the bastard thing...">>

"it's fine"

<"take some Dramamine.">

"I did.  It worked for the first five times, but after that..."

<<<<"oooooo....">>>>

"well, here I come."

<<<<"alright, thanks. bye.">>>>

"yeah, bye.  Have fun with Mink and Mima."

<"We will...">

<<"bye">>

"bye"

<<<They both hang up and pick up again.  #1 dials Mima, and #2 dials Mink.>>>
<<<<"Hello?">>>>
"muushimuushi"     "Hello?"
<<"Hi, Mink?">>  <"Hi, Mima?">
<<<<"will you go out with me?>>>>
  "nani?"           "What?"
<<<<"Will you go out with me?">>>>
        <<<click>>>
<<<<"They hung up!">>>>


{"Hi, Tenchi here!  I've been asked to write in the place of te regular writers.  
Hmmm, les'see now. That's strange: It seems the writers haven't written anything 
worth writing."}

<<<Phone rings>>>

{"Hello?"}

<<"That wasn't very nice!">>

<"Yeah, you try writing on an empty stomach! ok, bye">>

<<<click>>>

{"Oh, well.  I'll start from scratch...Now, where to begin..."}

"Good morning Tenchi!" said all the girs in unison.
It was a bright, sunny Sunday morning.  Tenchi was able to sleep in as late as 
he wanted to, Sasami made a large breakfast like usual, Mihoshi was still 
sleeping, Washu wasn't blowing things up, Kyone was by the garden, minding her 
own business, Ayeka and Ryoko were calmly watching TV together without arguing.
Life was perfect...  {"ahhhh...."}
...except for the annoying buzzing of cicadas!  Damn those cicadas!  If they 
weren't around I'd have a perfect day! I can't believe thos things don't shut up 
once in a while!

The scene shifts to the garde where Kyone is happily speaking with the cicadas.  
What?! speaking?! with cicadas?!  What has this world come to?!  Kyone grinned 
one of those grins that make people nervous, and turned to the house.

"Go, My little friends!" she screamed.

The scene shifts again to Mihoshi sleeping in her bed.  Well, sort of in her 
bed...as much of her bed that she can actually sleep in while she has twisted 
around to be spread over most of the other beds in the room.  Mihoshi slept 
soundly, as one of Kyone's "friends" slowly crept up to her.  It crawled into 
her ear, and immediatly replaced her brain. (yes, she does have a brain...of 
sorts)  Mihoshi sat up, stood up, ran out the door, and began hitting her head 
against the wall.
	
Tenchi, upon hearing the slamming sound, ran up the stairs to find that Mihoshi 
had knocked herself out.  After a closer inspection, Tenchi saw a cicada 
crawling out of her ear.
	
"It's one of those damned cicadas!  What are you doing here?"

"Just doing my job, I'm on break.  Where's the grub?"

"Down stairs, to the right.  In the kitchen, but-  Hey! Since when can cicadas 
talk?"

"Since last week when the union began to protect us."

"Oh, okay- Hey!  Since when do bugs have unions!?"

"Since we wrote the writers, and they never replied saying we couldn't, so we 
did."

"Oh....like that guy who's selling the moon?" (Yes there really is a man who's 
selling the moon.  It was on the news.  Go to ***NOTE*** at the bottom for more 
info.)

"Exactly!"

"Oh, okay," Tenchi carried Mihoshi to her bed and walked back down stairs.

The scene changes once again to Ayeka, Ryoko and Noboiyuki watching TV.  
....Well, not quite watching TV....

Tenchi, walking to the kitchen oversaw Ryoko and Ayeka passionatly making out 
with eachother on the couch, <<<<"If you want us to write lemons, let us know! 
Don't just sit there and expect us to write them.  It's this new thing they call 
"Reader input" ever heard of it?">>>>

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?" he said, more confused than he was surprised and 
excited.

Noboiyuki, very casually replied, "Catching it on tape."

Ryoko and Ayeka, on the couch, had nothing to say, for they were lip-locked, and 
tuning everything else out.

"Dad, STOP DOING THAT!"

"I will, once I run out of tapes and batteries..."

Tenchi looked over to see a three foot tall pyramid of tapes, and an A/C cable 
connecting the camera to the outlet on the wall.  As soon as things began to get 
X-rated, Tenchi kicked the camera out of Noboiuki's hands.

"HEY!"

The camera flew for what seemed like minutes, until, by some bazaar twist of 
fate, hit Ayeka and Ryoko at the same time, knocking two, confused cicadas out 
of their ears.  Ryoko and Ayeka pull apart from teach other in shock and 
confusion, then smile and continued where they left off.

Tenchi hung his head, and sighed.  He walked out of the room, dragging a kicking 
and screaming Noboiyuki.  As the door closed, you could hear Tenchi mutter, "Get 
a room."

And they had.  They had the Living-ROOM.

<<<<"C'mon ask us to write a lemon! Please!  The only limitation to our infinite 
writer powers, is that we're not able to write lemons unless we are asked 
to...please ask us! We're Dyin' to torture you with something different">>>>

<<<Tenchi returns from the bathroom>>>

{"Hey! What are you two doing back?  I thought you had dates..."}

<"Well, we finished aour dates.">

<<"Yeah, and they went home.">>

{"C'mon! I wen to the bathroom, and now you're here.  I thought you were going 
to let me write!"}

<"We did.">

<<"We saw the part that said  --life was perfect...--  and thought it needed 
livening up.">>

{"You guys suck!  Well, Explain why you're back so early..."}

<"Well, it all started when our dates went home...">

<<<flashback>>>

"Maybe we should wrtie a prequel..." suggested Writer #2.

<<<flash back pauses>>>

<"We should use our names...">

{"What ever!  just go!"}

<<<flashback continues>>>

"What a great idea... but what are we going to write a prequel to?" asked 
George, aka Writer #1.

"Lets say this chapter is a prequel."

"What to?"

"The next chapter!"

"have we written that yet?"

"no, but the readers don't know that! They'll believe anything we say!"

"Yeah, they're so gullible."

"and besides...even if they find out, we'll tell them lawn gnomes did it."

"yeah, lawn gnomes..."

"Bwahahahahahaha" they laughed evily together.

"are you done with your dessert yet?" asked James.

"Not quite... don't rush me!  I like to savor my desserts."

"alright, fine!  Savor your desserts!  I'm gonna go wander around the park 
aimlessly for a while." James looks over at George.  George continues to "savor" 
his dessert.

<<<later>>>

"alright! that's 5 to 1!  You're goin' down Old Man!" exclaimed James, out of 
breath.

"you're good-- 1on1!" The old man whistles, and 4 old men pop out of a nearby 
bush.

"Do I get to pick my own team?"

"of course..."

James's snaps his fingers and the opening line-up of the Lakers pops out of 
nowhere.  He points to one of them, "you! go warm that bench! and When I win, 
which i will, that bench better be mighty warm!"

"what makes you think you're gonna win?"

"I gotta hunch..."

<<<moments later>>>

"I can't believe I lost 0 to 10!" whined james.  "You, Laker-boys, you're 
fired!"

"wait!  i'll give you a chance to redeem yourself.  I challenge you to a dance-
off!"

"haha! you may be good at B-ball, but you can't beat me at dancing!"

<<<a bit later>>>

"So, how to dance....Break dancing? you won.  Square dancing? I won. 
Riverdancing? I guess that's all there is left..."

"don't we need more people?"

"yeah..." snapps his fingers, and tons of old men and James' appear.

the old me say in unison: "let's go!"

the music began.  Everyone was lined up on oppsite sides of the court, dancing 
their feet off.  After a few moments, everyone was integrated into a big line.  
George, done "savoring" his dessert, walked by.

"what are you doing?"

"huh?" the other James' dissapear along with the old men in a gigantic puff of 
smoke. "nothing!"

"you left while I was eating and now you're riverdancing with the old man?"

"well I couldn't stand watching your orgasmic reaction of eating icecream..."

"it's been a while since I had rocky road..."

<<<flashback ends>>>

<"well, to make a long story short, I'll never conga again.">

<<"Don't worry George, the sheep will be fine!  He'll walk a bit funny, but 
he'll be okay!">>

<<<tenchi just stares, then turns away in disgust and walks home.>>> 

The End.



<<"alright! let's start that fic now.">>
<"it's over already">
<<"really?">>
<"yeah.  look up there^.  it says: The End">
<<"oh well, we'll start it next chapter.">>



<<<and they never conga'd again...>>>


***NOTE***
about the moon thing: some guy wrote to the american and russian gov. asking if 
he could own the moon.  since they never replied, he assumed it was okay.  He 
also claims that he owns all the other planets as well.

Thanks for reading this crap.  We should be shot!  
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