Da-da-dada-dada-da-da-disclaimer: This stuff is owned by other people, except for the stuff that isn't. If you own the stuff I've used, please do not sue me. Firstly, if you do own any of it chances are you already have one hell of a lot more money than I do. Secondly, it's getting really hard to think of clever things to say in these things. The Legacy of Kain - Chapter 8 (Meditations) I watch him as he walks past the door to my room. He stops, looks as though he's going to say something. I turn my back on him, a sick feeling in my gut, and pretend to work on my calculus homework until I hear him sigh and walk away. -He killed my mom. -No. Kain killed my mom. -He IS Kain. -Kain is only a part of him. I turn the arguments over in my head for the thousandth time, and for the thousandth time I wonder if I've really made the right decision. My hand curls into a fist of its own accord. Damn. I'm ALWAYS wondering if I made the right decision always in doubt always AFRAID. I can't. I can't live with him, I can hardly stand to be near him. Even if Kain is only a part of him, it's there. I know it's there. It'll always be there. Maybe a better man could forgive him for that. I can't. Sigh. I just wish... I wish things were different. ----- I watch him as he slowly descends the steps into the living room where I sit. I have been composing myself for this moment. Burying the fear. I am prepared. He may rail at me, curse me, perhaps even attempt to do me harm, but I will not be moved. He will not have the best of me. He surprises me. He walks towards me, and...he is looking at me with that sad, knowing look on his face. He bows towards me, walks past me and into the kitchen. Perhaps that is a part of why I do not like him. I do not enjoy surprises. He is always catching me off guard...I expect him to be shamed, he stands proud. I expect him to rage, he is as still and placid as the lake. I know a moment of panic as I remember that Sasami is alone in the kitchen. I nearly leap from the couch before I hear the muted tones of their talking. He will not harm her. I know that, somehow. I sit back down. I hear Sasami crying, and then I do feel a fleeting pang of regret. She...likes him, for what reason I cannot fathom. As does Ryoko. As much as she would be surprised to hear it, I do not relish the pain this is causing her. Foolish woman. Can they not see how dangerous he is to us, to...to Tenchi? Still...for her sake, and for Sasami, I wish things were different. ----- I watch him as he hugs Sasami goodbye. She's crying. I think maybe there's a little suspicious moisture in his eyes as well, but it's kinda hard to see. I ease back around the corner. I want to say goodbye too, but I can't. I just can't. I wouldn't know what to say. I didn't WANT to vote against him, but Ayeka and Tenchi looked so mad, and even Katsuhito and Washu voted no and they're so smart, they know what they're doing, right? I sniffle a little. I don't understand this. Ayeka hates him 'cause of what his family did, Tenchi hates him 'cause of what Kain did, but...Ryoko did some really bad things, and everyone learned to like her, right? Ryoko...she's gonna be mad. Not at me, I hope. She started to like him a little, I think, even if she won't admit it to herself. They all think that I'm really stupid, I know that. I think that I'm better off not understanding some things. I don't want to understand hate. I don't want to understand the pain that people carry around with them for a hundred thousand years. I don't want to understand how they can all just close their eyes to how much they're hurting him. I wish things were different. ----- I watch him as he walks through the forest, away from the forest. The monitors provide constant readouts on his thermal, astral and kinetic patterns. I really should take this opportunity to take a few readings, do some tests. I tap a few keys halfheartedly. My heart isn't in this. Yes, folks, the greatest scientific mind in the universe has been distracted from the pursuit of knowledge. And why? My little girl is hurting. I can feel her pain washing through our link, through me, like the gravitational waves of a collapsing supernova. I can't even bring myself to summon the strength to form a block. I think...yes, I think I may even begin to cry myself. I suddely feel a steadying hand on my shoulder. I look up to see the face of the only person here I've confided in, the only one I can trust implicitly. Yosho's eyes are calm, which is as per usual, and sorrowful, which is not. "Are you all right?" "Hey," I say, "there's never anything wrong with the greatest scientific...mind in..." I stop speaking, ashamed at how false my voice sounds even to my own ears. I begin to cry, and Yosho, bless his stodgy Jurian heart, just holds my hands and lets me. At length I push away his hands, wiping my eyes. This just won't do. The days that are to come will be hard ones, and if I can't handle this, well...they need me to be in top shape. I can't afford this weakness. With an inward sigh, I take the pain, ball it up and sink it down deep inside. "Are you sure we've done the right thing?" I ask. I know the answer, of course, hell, under ordinary circumstances I wouldn't have asked at all, but, well, there you go. "The prophecy is obscure, of course, and as difficult to interpret as all prophecies. But I beleive he is the balancing element they spoke of. He will be back." "Hmm," I say. He's right. This family has to be unified, and this will only be accomplished after a time of fracturing. I smile. "What's that saying the Terrans have? About knowing the value of things?" He smiles back. "You mean 'you never know what you have until it's gone'? I confess, I have been thinking of that phrase myself." He stands. "We need him here, we need him whole. He must be accepted and invited back to truly complete the circle, or all is lost." "I know, Yosho. I feel her. She's coming." "Yes. She is coming." He bows. There is a disturbance in the air as his disguise reforms aroud him, and he is Katsuhito once more. "Good evening, Lady Washu." "Night." I turn back to the screen, just in time to see it. Kevin turns one last time, and looks directly at my camera. He waves, and mouths the words, 'bye, Washu-chan', and then he is gone. I sit, alone in my lab. I wish things were different. AUTHOR'S NOTE: Bit of a departure for me, but I was hankering to try a little something new. Send comments, criticisms, and chocolate to kakapo101@hotmail.com.