Personal Log Entry 4594-B

People think that I don't understand anything.

Well, that's just not true. I understand a lot of things. I don't understand
everything, of course, and sometimes I get confused, but the universe is a
confusing place, isn't it? Just ask Washuu-chan -- I've seen her be surprised,
and if she can be surprised and confused then I don't see why it's so bad that
I'm confused too.

I mean, look at Ayeka and Tenchi and Ryouko. Ayeka takes Tenchi down to the
cave where Ryouko was imprisoned so the two of them can fool around -- Ayeka
and Tenchi, I mean, not Ryouko and Tenchi or Ayeka and Ryouko ... MY, but
that's an embarrassing idea -- but Ayeka doesn't think that Ryouko is going
to try and stop them? How could she be so silly?

So of course there was a fight and Ryouko got hurt. She's all right now, but I
was a little worried since she can be a really nice person for a terrible
criminal and pirate who should be in jail, but Washuu fixed her up.

But ever since then everyone's been walking around on ... I think they're
called eggshells, but that doesn't really make a lot of sense because from what
I've seen eggshells are really brittle and break easily so why would anyone
walk around on them?

I think I do understand why Washuu's so tense; if Ryouko's repairs don't work
right, she'll be humiliated. Because, after all, Ryouko is her daughter and if
anyone understands Ryouko it should be her, right? So if she couldn't fix her
properly, she doesn't really understand Ryouko as well as she told Ryouko she
did. I wonder if Washuu understands that. I wonder if Ryouko understands it.

But I don't understand why Sasami-chan looks so frightened lately. I wonder if
maybe she's starting to understand something she doesn't want to understand.
She was really upset when she heard about what Ayeka did to Ryouko. I've never
seen her be so upset with her big sister. She almost seemed like a different
person. You know, that might be it ... I think that Sasami is growing up a bit,
and she's a little scared that the person she grows up into isn't going to be
the person she wants to be.

I know what that's like. I ... I always thought that I'd be the best Galaxy
Police Detective the Galaxy Police Detectives had ever seen. And maybe I was,
for a while. But ...

But it's lonely being the best. I think Tenchi understands that, too, which is
kind of sad, because we might be able to talk about it and it would be nice to
be able to talk about it.

But Tenchi doesn't love me.

He never will.

And I can't understand that, I don't want to understand that. What did I do
wrong, that the first person I've loved since Kiyone died doesn't love me back?
Kiyone didn't love me either, but she cared about me, and sometimes I think
that if I went away, Sasami would miss me and Tenchi might miss me for a while,
but then he'd get over it.

And I'm never going to get over him. I never want to get over him, just like I
never want to get over Kiyone, or stop caring about Sasami, and Ayeka and
Ryouko and Washuu even though they don't care about me, and even though it
hurts that they don't care, and even though it hurts that I do.

Because it hurts to stop hurting.

I understand that, even if I don't understand anything else.

Maybe I understand enough.

Author's Notes
--------------

One more to go. I think you know who it'll be. (Unless, of course, Kiyone or
Misaki pre-empts it. :)

Mihoshi is ... well, the original, OAV version at least, isn't stupid. She's
honest, impulsive and a bit naive, and I choose to believe that the trauma that
Kagato talks about at one point was losing Kiyone, under circumstances not
unlike the events of her "special". Ultimately, a lot of her problems (like
those of most of the cast) are matters of their self-image not matching their
realities. The difference is, Mihoshi realizes this.

"Tenchi Muyou" was created by Masaki Kajishima and brought to North America by
Pioneer Entertainment and Viz Communications. This story, while incorporating
elements of a motion picture held under copyright by others, is copyright 2001
by Chris Davies.

Nobody Sue Me Okay?

=====
Chris Davies, Advocate for Darkness, Part-time Champion of Light
"One begins to long to come across a female protagonist called,
say, Naomi the Castrator. One could tell her to look up John
Norman for a start." -- Michael Moorcock, "Wizardry and Wild Romance"
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