"And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was
Death, and Hell followed with him."

-Revelation, 6.8


BGlanders Presents...

The Gentle Sound of Thunder

Chapter 4:  Through Aeka's Eyes...

*****

Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do.

I always try to do what's right.  I was raised to, as a princess of Jurai.  I
was taught to always think of my people, my family, my traditions first.  It
was instilled into me from an early age to always do what was right for the
kingdom and not for myself.  For years I always tried to live up to what my
family, my subjects expected of me...  

I had recived the kimono from my mother about a month ago.  She had claimed
that she was here on a social call, but when she handed me the log container
that was enscribed with the acient symbols, I knew why she was there..

I had been raised to belive that certain things, certain traditions were
beyond wanting.  It was etched into my soul for years that certain things were
unavoidable, that certain traditions were more importaint than my own wants or
needs..

I've tried to tell myself that it wasn't my fault, that what happened was
unavoidable.  We both knew what we were doing, and that Lord Tenchi's
inteferrience was something that neither one of us expected, but deep down, I
knew..

Maybe I let her cut me.  I still can't get that nagging voice of guilt out of
my head.  Maybe I wanted Ryoko to get the upper hand so that Lord Tenchi would
do what I knew he would do.  I wanted him to get between us

No I didn't.  His interruption was completly unexpected..

Oh damn it all!  I knew that Tenchi was going to interviene!  I could just sit
here and keep telling myself that it was for the good of Jurai.  I could say
that I was only doing what was right and that Ryoko was acting out of
obligation as well..

I know.  I knew then that Tenchi would have tried to stop us.  I kept telling
myself that somehow he would understand that this was unavoidable..

Oh the hell it was!

The law of the Empire is set!  It is as old as time and as solid as stone!
Nothing can be higher, not feelings or emotions or love..!

Love?

When I first came here, it was because I was in love with Yosho.  I had
travelled for over 700 years to find him and to finally do what I had always
dreamed of.  I would be a bride.  His bride.  I hunted across countless star
systems, salied over oceans of space until I finally arrived here on this
backwater planet out in the middle of nowhere.  I had finally found him, the
one I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with..

Then I found Tenchi.

Suddenly my whole world turned upside dwon.  Suddenly I found myself marooned
here with no way home.  Sudden;y I found myself living with my hated enemy.
Suddenly, I found myself falling in love.

At first I didn't know what to think of what I was feeling.  At first I
thought it was just lonliness that kept turning my thoughts to this pathetic
little earthling.  At first, I did my best not to care.  It is against Jurain
custom to marry a commoner, and there was no way I would ever disobey
tradition, not for my own feelings or for anyone else's..

But then..

Then I found myself drawn to him like no one I had ever known before.  Here
was someone who liked me for who I was and not what I was.  My whole life I
had been surrounded by false smiles, false well-wishers, false love.  Now,
here, I had found something more than any of those two-dimensional pansies
could ever hope to achive.  I found nobility, honor, frailty...

I found love.

In this simple boy, I found a reason to go on when I should have given up.  I
saw in him a reason to go on living, a reason to live.  Soon, he became my
world, my life, my light.  For that love, that friendship, that light, I
comitted the one, unforgivable sin for a Jurain noble to undertake.

I went against my families wishes.

I disobeyed my father, my family and my people all in one fell swoop.  I did
all this to be near him.  I did all this on the off chance that he would
someday love me, that he would someday ask me to be his bride.  That was the
first time I had ever even thought of opposing my upbringing, and it felt
good.

I'm not going to sit here and say that I was shocked at myself, well, actually
I was shocked, but no in the way I should've been.  I should've been mortified
at every word that had come out of my mouth, but instead..

I was happy at what I was saying.  I loved it, I adored it, I was relishing in
it for God's sake.  I wanted to keep disobeying him, to keep telling him what
I thought.  I wanted to tell him about every other thought I'd ever had about
disobeying him.  About the drugs when I was 14, about sneaking off with the
palace guards every time I was particularly angry at one of his decisions, I
wanted so badly to just up and start screaming at him right then, but
something stopped me.  I was suddenly gripped by an overwhelming fear from
somewhere deep in my stomach.  Fear of discrasing him, my family, my mother..
I couldn't..

But I already had.  I didn't realize it until later that I was quite possibly
the biggest hyprocryte in the history of the Royal family.  I had come in
search of my brother and had stayed for the love of a boy.  I had goen against
my father's wishes, yet kept silent about my own rage and feelings.  And now,
I've become the biggest hyprocryte of all.

All I remember of what happened is that Ryoko and I were fighting, then
suddenly she found a weakness, an opening in my defences..

I let her find it.

No I didn't!  I was fighting to win, damnit!  I knew I could if I gave it all
I could that I had a chance.  I was doing good, no, I was doing great.  Then I
saw Tenchi out of the corner of my eye.  I saw the look on his face, the shock
in his eyes.  He couldn't belive what we were doing.  I knew that he was just
looking for a way to stop us, a break in our dance, a pause in our fighting,
anything.  So I gave it to him.  I let Ryoko cut me, let her gain the upper
hand.

I let her win.

I was down and boy did it hurt.  I had never felt pain like that before.  I
suddenly remembered all the other times in my life I had been hurt.  I
remembered when my father thought I had slept with one of my suiters, some
pimple-faced loser from some far-off system that I had only heard of in
passing.  He had asked me to take a walk with him and I had said yes.  We
walked through the Royal orchards for at least an hour without anyone around.
I had thought it would be good to get away from all the prying eyes of the
court.  Then he boasted to his friends back home that he had made it with a
Jurain slut of a princess.  It was a lie.  I had never even touched him, let
alone made love to him.

I remembered my father bursting into my room with a look of rage on his face.
I remember that he had grabbed me by the shoulders and thrown me against the
wall and accused me of sleeping with that little shit.  I remebered I was
scared of him; his eyes were so filled with rage and hate.  I tried to tell
him that it was a lie, that the boy had lied.  He didn't listen.  He hit me
then as hard as he could with the back of his hand.

I went flying across the room and landed on my bed.  He just stood over me,
saying that I had discraced not only him but my entire family.  He kept going
on about how much family meant and how I had besmirched my ancestor's honor.
How could he have thought such a thing?  I was only 13 and he thought I had..

Then he ordered the Royal physicans to check me to see if I had...contracted
anything.  Once they confirmed that I was...unscathed, my father apologized.
It was a muddled, quiet whisper that sounded like, "Im sorry."  

After that, he pretended like nothing had ever happened.  I never told anyone
about it, not my mother or my sister or anyone else that I knew.  I just kept
it bottled up deep inside next to all the other things that had hurt me.  And
now, now this blow that Ryoko had laid seemed like nothing.  It was only skin
deep after all.  Then something more happened, I suddenly felt that I was
going to loose the one thing that meant something to me in life, I was going
to loose Tenchi.  Right then that horrible rationalzation struck home.

I couldn't hear what was being said, but I knew that Tenchi was suddenly in
front of me, defending my life.  At first I heard a voice in my head screaming
that this was a breach of the oldest, most sacred tradition in galactic
history.  Then suddenly this boy had thrown himself between Ryoko and I.  He
had done what is considered to be one of the most noble act that one can
preform. 

He took my place.

I knew that what he had done drove a thousand daggers right into Ryoko's soul.
Over the pounding mallets of pain in my head, I could hear her voice.

"Tenchi!  No, you can't mean that!  Please Tenchi, take it back now!"

"This is your last warning Ryoko.  Back away or else!"

I knew that she didn't realize what he was doing, and that he didn't either.
I knew that Ryoko had only one option left.

"Tenchi please, for the last time, I will not back down.  You just don't
understand..!"  

"You're right, I don't.  Right now, all I know is that someone I care about is
about to die, and I can't let that happen."

That's when it sunk in.  Her voice started to break and thorugh tear streaked
eyes I saw that her light saber was flickering.  She was broken.

"Tenchi, no... you can't mean that.."

"I can and I do.  Now put your sword down and we'll talk about this."

Ryoko raised her sword as the tears were streaming down her face.  "Please!
You don't know what you're doing!  DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!!!"  

I knew what was comming.  A part of me didn't want to look, but a larger part
of me, something in me that I didn't want to face up to forced me to look.
That part of me wanted to smile, to laugh at what I was seeing.

I know that Tenchi thought she was attacking, but that wasn't what was
happening at all.  She knew that there was only one option left..

She threw herself at him.

He defended himself.

The next thing I rememberd was Sasami and Mihoshi carrying me up the stairs to
our room.  I was still in a daze.  One side of me was happy that Ryoko was
dead, that Tenchi had defended me and that now he was mine.  The other part of
me was screaming why?  Why in the hell did you do this?  Why did you force
this?  For so long you've gone against everything!  All the traditions that I
had held so dear for so long..!  

When I was in our room with Sasami, I tried to convince myself that it had
been for the best.  Then I looked at her, I looked into her eyes and I knew
that I had made the worst mistake of my life.

"Why Aeka?  Why did you have to do that?"

I looked down at her then.  Sometimes I forget that she's so much younger than
I am.   She seems so old, so mature.  I knew that nothing I could say would
help, so I put on my most regal apperance and tried to save face.

"Because Jurain custom demanded.  We both knew the risks, and besides, she had
it comming."

I couldn't belive what I was saying, but that was nothing compared to what she
did next.

She pulled her arm back and slapped me as hard as she could.


It was like a freight train slamming into my face.  I couldn't belive what she
had done.

Yes I could

No I couldn't!  I had never seen Sasami raise a hand against anyone or
anything in my life, and to be hit by her of all people..  That hurt me more
than anything Ryoko could have done.  Her rejection of me at the time that I
needed her most was the last thing I had expected.  Of all the people, she
should have known that I didn't mean what I had said..

Hor had I?

For a solid year I had tried to fight Ryoko, tried to best her for Tenchi's
hand.  For one year, all my hatered, all my agression had been directed
towards her.  She was a monster, a demon!  And yet..

And yet..

She had been my friend at times that no one lese would. At times that I
thought my tradition had intefeered with my friendships here, at times when
the fighting had gotten to severe, she had actually been there for me.  I
still remember her with her bottle of sake, telling me to lighten up, to
relax.  She was always trying to have a good time with her friends, ehr
family.  
Us.

And now, this..this mockery of tradition!  What had I been thinking?  Why?
Why did I do what I had done?  What had I been thinking?  I know what I was
thinking, I thought it would finally get me Tenchi.  I thought it would
finally solve everything that I thought I wanted.

What I wanted?  

What did I think I didn't have?  Here I had family, here I had friends.

Here I had love.

I tried to get her to turn around, to face me.  I needed her to tell me that
everything was all right, to hold me and rock me back and forth.  I wanted her
to take me in her arms and sing the song that our mother used to sing us when
we were little to scare all the monsters away..

Right now though, I wanted one certain monster to come back.

I went downstairs, hoping to find some solace there.  I was sitting on the
couch, trying to tell myself that Lord Tenchi would forgive me for what had
happened.  That he would understand!

But at that moment, I wasn't sure that even I understood what had happened.

Finally I heard footsteps comming down the stairs.  I turned and saw him, saw
Tenchi.  He was dressed in his

No.

He was in his travel clothes.  In his hand was his duffel bag.  He was
leaving.  I jumped up and ran to him.  I grabbed him and begged him not to
leave us, not to leave me.  I wanted to stop him but then he looked at me.
His eyes, they were filled with such hate, such anguish at what had happened.
At that moment I knew that nothing I could say could stop him from going, but
I had to try.  I owed Ryoko that at least.

I put myself between him and the door.  I begged him not to leave.  I told him
that it was beyond his understanding, and that it wasn't his fault.  I sobbed,
crying out that he should stay!  It wasn't your fault damn it, you weren't
responsible!  

I couldn't tell if I had actually spoken up or if I was just sobbing
uncontrollably, but after awhile he spoke, and I so wished he hadn't.  His
voice was like..like.. It was if he were dead, to me at least.  

"If it wasn't my fault, then whose was it?  Hers?  Yours?  All of your
fighting, all of your jealously, its all come down to this.  As long as I feel
that her death was somehow my fault, I won't be able to go on.  Not here, at
least.  I'm leaving now, and I don't want you or anyone else to try and
follow.  If I ever come to terms with what happened, then maybe I'll return
someday, but until then..."

His words cut through me like a knife.  I found myself begging, screaming for
him not to go.  He just kept his eyes straight ahead and..and..

And then he was gone.

I fell to my knees pounding my fists on the door.  It wasn't your fault!  Damn
it Tenchi, would you please listen to me?  There are things you just don't
understand, things that go beyond what you understand!  Please, it wasn't your
fault, it was..

It was my fault.

***

Now all is quiet.  Sasami still hasn't come down from our room and Mihoshi
left awhile ago to report what happened to the Galaxy Police sub-ship in this
solar system.  I tried to talk to Yosho as he emerged from Washu's subspace
lab.  He just shot me a look that brought all my guilt bubbling to the
surface.  I broke down right there.  I ran to him, I grabbed him and sobbed.
I needed him to tell me that it would all be alright, that everybody would be
just fine!

But everything wouldn't be just fine.  I saw that in Yosho's eyes.  When he
looked at me, I saw the same hate that had been in Sasami's eyes.  The same
hate that was in Tenchi's eyes.  His look was enough to force me away.  I
backed up, almost stumbling when I hit the couch, and just cried as he walked
up the stairs to check on Sasami.

I had gone against everything I had belived in, and then gone against what I
had fought for.  I was alone.  I am alone.  I know that now.  No one here will
ever talk to me again.  I could go back, back to my palace and my people on
Jurai, but then..

Then I'd be accepting something that I had denied, and that would be the final
blow to my humanity.  I still have my dignity, my honor.  And by God, I intend
to carry out the last honorable act I can no matter what.  

I have no family on earth.

I have no family on Jurai.

I have nothing.  

I kneel now, beside the lake.  In the distance I can see the onsen floating
away, reminding me of happier times.  To my right, I see my brother's ship,
the Funaho standing as if nothing had happened.  I kneel and prepare.  I've
been preparing all day.  I'm ready now.  I know, I know what I must do.

I take a breath..

Goodbye my brother

I pick up the knife..

Goodbye Sasami

I take another breath..

Goodbye my dearist

Overhead, I hear thunder.

*****

Wow.  That's all I have to say.  Wow.  I never thought I'd end ch. 4 like
this!  It's amazing what you can do at three in the morning!  Anyways..

Special thanks to Gensao (as always) and Phil Masters for all the C&C, at
least I think it was Phil..

Tenchi &Co.  belong to Pioneer and AiC

All C&C should head to BGlanders@aol.com