Legal Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo! and all associated characters are owned by AIC and Pioneer LDC. Seion Makibi, the Tokimian Knights, the Amatora, Planet Amano, and the Nexus Mercenaries are my own creations based opon the Tenchiverse. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CUE OPENING CREDITS SONG:"Tenchi Muyo! TV Theme" Basacally the same as the TV opening with the following changes: Megumi is chasing Kamadake. A Tenchi and Seion sparing sesion Nagi's in it Misaki, Tsunami, and Sasami are in the kitchen Aeka and Ryoko are not fighting over Tenchi. SCENE 1: MIHO-SEION'S ROOM Don't worry, all you hentai little creeps! You just missed seeing a lemon scene. They're just lying in bed talking. Next time I recommend you read this fic first. Maybe then you'll get to see that kinda stuff. ^u^ MIHOSHI: So, how'd you like that? SEION: Does anybody else know you have this talent? MIHOSHI: Just Kiyone and Ryoko. I tried to teach them how to do it, but Kiyone fainted and Ryoko just sat there with a shocked look on her face. SEION: So, wanna try it again tomorrow? MIHOSHI: Oh no. Kiyone wants to start planning the wedding tomorrow. SEION: Uh....(sweating)....yours or hers? MIHOSHI: (giggling) Why, hers, of course, Seion-chan. SEION: (shocked look) GUH! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ SFX: Eeeeeeeeeeoooo! EPISODE 37: NO NEED FOR MEN AND WOMEN! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Seion runs outta his room wearing only his boxers SEION: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! (he runs to Tenchi's door and storms in) Tenchi, we gotta big problem! Kiyone's planning a wedding and we gotta.......(he turns towards Tenchi, who seems rather, well, red) What are you doing in here? TENCHI: Uh, nothing? SEION: Nothing, huh? RYOKO: (her voice muffled by the blankets) That's what he said! SEION: Uh, okay. Anyway, Kiyone's plannin' a wedding and us menfolk gotta big problem! TENCHI: How's planning a wedding a big problem for us "menfolk"? SEION: You try coming from a matriarical government and you'll see why! TENCHI: I thought you told me that all the warriors from your planet where men! SEION: Yeah, but the women still control the government! And the military never questions the government, just like the men never question the women. If we do, they'll make sure we have no fun, like you seem to be having right now, ne, Ojou-sama? AEKA: (her voice muffled too) Ne. SEION: Well I'm gonna go get the other guys so we can plan our strategy. TENCHI: Alright, I'll be down in ten--(two sets of hands pop up in front of his face indicating that ten minutes is half the time that he needs to complete his task)--uh, TWENTY minutes. TWENTY MINUTES LATER........... Tenchi comes a stumblin' in. The menfolk are gathered around the table. SEION: About damn time! TENCHI: Sorry I took so long. So what's up with the wedding plans? NOBOYUKI: Kiyone says we can't be around when she starts planning our wedding. She even got a restraining order to keep us away from the house while she's doing it! TENCHI: Like hell she will! Me, Aeka, and Ryoko had a nice weekend planned and I'll be damned if Kiyone's gonna ruin it! I AM the crown prince of Jurai! (Tenchi gets up and heads for the door) YOSHO: Um, Tenchi, where are you going? TENCHI: To go give the future Mrs. Masaki a piece of my mind! Ain't no restraining order gonna stop me! (Tenchi heads for the stairs) SEION: OH GEEZE! (and with that, all of the men get up from the table and procede to gang tackle Tenchi) What the hell do you think you're doing?! TENCHI: The same thing you'd do in my place! NOBOYUKI: Tenchi, it's time we told you something about women. Never try to win an argument with them! If you win, you still lose! TENCHI: What's that suppose to mean? SEION: It means she'll make you life a living hell if you win the aurgument! TENCHI: Big deal! She's your sister and dad's fiance! It's not like I'm gonna live with her for the rest of my life! (and with that, the fiances twain come down the stairs to the heap that Tenchi's at the bottom of) RYOKO: (gasp) What are you doing to OUR Tenchi! (And then the two future Emperesses of Jurai procede to toss the other men aside like rag dolls) AEKA: Lord Tenchi! Are you alright? (Ryoko, with Aeka, hurriedly and hastly helps her hurt and harrassed hubby to be up. Sorry. I just needed to practice my aliteration ^u^) TENCHI: I'm fine. Have you guys heard what Kiyone's planning on doing? She's gonna kick us outta the house while she plans the wedding! RYOKO: Yeah, she told us! AEKA: Isn't it romantic? TENCHI: Romantic? She's kicking all of us out of the house! That means we can't be in the house until she's done! AEKA: Excuse me, Tenchi, but who is "We"? TENCHI: I means "us"! You, me and Ryoko! RYOKO: But we aren't going anywhere! TENCHI: So she's NOT kicking everybody out? RYOKO: No, just you boys. TENCHI: WHAT?!! SEION: Uh, there's something you must know about Amanese weddings.......... SCENE 2: Kiyone's Place of Business The boys are hard at work doing the girls jobs for them out of the goodness of their hearts...........and because the girls made them. TENCHI: First they kick us outta the house, then they make us do their jobs, and then they talk about us behind our backs.....probably! SEION: Like I said, this is the Amanese tradition, and the tradition states that while the women plan their weddings, the men have to stay away from the house for two days and take over any business the women have and then we can do whatever, but we can't go back until sunset tomorrow. NOBOYUKI: But Kiyone said she really wasn't a traditionalist. SEION: No, she's not. But I am! THE GUYS: WHAT?!!! KEN-OHKI: Chiao? TENCHI: (grabbing Seion by the collar) You mean this was YOUR idea?!! SEION: Yeah. Is there a problemo? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ SFX: Eeeeyoooo! (wood blocks) (picture of Ryo-oki and Ken-oki in ship form bumping into each other) ===================================================== COMMERCIAL BREAK SCENE: Tenchi, Ryoko, and Aeka at an expensive Japanese resteraunt. SEION: (voice over) Steak teriyaki dinner for three...........6000 yen Tenchi and the girls at the movies SEION: Three tickets to the latest anime film.................3000 yen Tenchi and the girls at a carnival SEION: Two stuffed pandas.....................................5000 yen Tenchi and the girls at a tea house SEION: Green tea for three....................................600 yen Tenchi in bed with Ryoko and Aeka beside him and smiling SEION: Scoring with Ryoko and Aeka in the same night..........Priceless There are some things money can't buy, for everything else, there's OtakuCard. Accepted on dates Animewide. ____________________________________________________________ SCENE: A college campus with that obnoxious guy in the "Pepsi One" car. Some girl, minding her own business, is assailed by this moron with a bullhorn. MORON: (yelling into the bullhorn) HEYYYYYY! I'M HERE TO SHOW THAT EVERYONE ENJOYS THE TASTE OF PEPSI ONE! GIRL: Uh, excuse me, but I have to-- MORON: COME ON! DRINK IT! (opens the can) GIRL: I said--(she is rudely cut off as this idiot pours the can out in her mouth) MORON: WHADDAYA THINK? BETCHYA CAN'T TELL IT'S ONE CALORIE, CAN YA? CAN YA? HUH? HUH? (just then this buffon is politely interuppted as Seion drags him offscreen. Sasami comes in and helps out the poor victim as Ryoko steps in front of the camera) RYOKO: Hello. This is Ryoko speaking out against obnoxious commercials. Everyday, innocent people assaulted by these annoying advertizments. We can stop them, but we need your help. All you need to do is contribute to our cause. Any amount will help. Me and Seion will do it for a few drinks, but we still need money. Leave all you contributions beneath the second pillar underneath the Seito bridge in the trashcan. SASAMI: And hurry! These commercials are starting to make my kawainess fade away. RYOKO: Won't you please help the children? SEION: (slamming the car door on the guy's head) Can you believe that this door only contains ONE calorie? (slams it again) COME ON! LAUGH IT UP! I GOT THE 1-800-CALL-ATT GUY TO KILL! ===================================================== SFX:Eeeeyoooo!(wood blocks) (picture of the cabbits with a bunch of carrots slung over Ken-oki's back) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Back to the scene we were just in...... TENCHI: IS THERE A PROBLEM? YOU DOLT! OF COURSE THERE IS!!!! YOU SCREWED UP A PERFECT WEEK-END! NOBOYUKI: YOU MADE IT SO WE HAVE TO SPEND THE NIGHT AWAY FROM HOME! KAMADAKE: YOU HAVE US DOING MENIAL WORK! AZAKA: YOU MADE SURE WE WON'T GET ANY OF SASAMI'S COOKING! KEN-OHKI: CHIAO! YOSHO: YOU'RE CAUSING US ALL TO YELL! (All teardrop to Yosho's last statment) Well he is. TENCHI: What in the universe possesed you to carry out this stupid tradition? SEION: How many of you have seen women plan a wedding? (Yosho and Noboyuki raise their hands) Frightening, isn't it? YOSHO: To tell the truth, I've never been so scared in my life as when Achika and her friends planned HER wedding. It aged me 10 years. NOBOYUKI: I was there when Junko and Achika planned one. It made me not want to leave my room. TENCHI: Aren't you exagerating this? (And, yes, right on cue, Nagi's boyfriend walks in as if he's seen a ghost) Hans! What happened to you? HANS: (scared to death) Nagi.......color pallets........wedding albums.....floral arrangments... YOSHO: I know that look. It was the one I had when Achika said "Guess what, Father! Noboyuki and I are getting married! I'm gonna start making the plans!" TENCHI: Ohmigosh, it's terrible! Is this what happens to you? How do we fix him? SEION: (holding up a bottle of green liquid) Amanese rum. TENCHI: How will giving him that fix him? SEION: He'll be so plastered he won't know which end is up. SCENE 3: Back at the House............... The girls are doing you know what. KIYONE: .....and that's why we send the men away from home. AEKA: A very interesting tradition. Maybe that's the reason that so many Jurian fathers go insane around the time of their daughter's weddings. MISAKI: (crying) I'll never get to see your late father go bonkers during your wedding!! It was a always a dream of mine! RYOKO: Now, now. Don't worry. We'll just substitute Yosho for her father. MISAKI: Yes! He'll do nicely! SASAMI: Oh boy! Can I make the food for the reception?! KIYONE: Well, here's the thing on that. Seion, being the eldest male in our clan, will insist on going out into the field, hunting down some animal, and cooking it over an open fire. AEKA: Oh, how barbaric! KIYONE: Don't call him a barbarian! I'll have you know that the Amanese are far ahead of Jurai in the fields of computer proccessors and governmental structure! MISAKI: Come now. Anyone culture that hunts down animals for dinner and worships tigers is rather barbaric, not matter what level of technology they've achieved! WASHU: So, I guess that makes the Jurians a bunch of tree-hugging Druids. AEKA: Uh, well........ MISAKI: Um........ SASAMI: (hugging as high on Tsunami as she can reach) I love my tree! TSUNAMI: Heh, heh. Oh my..... KIYONE: Thank you, Sasami. RYOKO: Okay, less talk. More drink. (Ryoko pulls out a bottle of sake) MEGUMI: Oh no you don't! (Takes the bottle of sake from Ryoko) We aren't men here! We have more dignity than to get intoxicated just for the hell of it! We're planning a wedding here! RYOKO: Then what do you Amanese women drink at these things? KIYONE&MEGUMI: Emerald Tea! A little while later, Kiyone pours Ryoko a deep green liquid into her glass. Ryoko gives it a strange look and then sniffs it. RYOKO: Hey! This stuff looks like that stuff Seion always drinks! What's the deal with it? KIYONE: This is Amanese Emerald Tea. Women on our planet are not permitted to partake of Amanese rum, so we drink this. AEKA: But why's that? I thought the women on your planet controlled the government. KIYONE: They do. Amanese Rum is used to keep the men on our planet calm. But Emerald tea does so much more. It clears the mind and helps us think clearer. Drink up, ladies. The scene quickly shifts to the boys, who are surrounded on all sides by foliage. Yosho is building a fire And Noboyuki is pitching a tent. TENCHI: (holding up a shotglass of deep green liquid) What is the deal with this stuff? SEION: Amanese Rum, my boy! Since the women won't let us drink Emerald tea, the men have to drink this! NOBOYUKI: Well, you said the men run the military. Why don't you just force the government to allow you to drink Emerald tea? SEION: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Why would anyone drink tea when they can have this mind clearing elixiur! YOSHO: It'll clear you mind alright! This bottle say's it's 180 proof! SEION: That's why I watered it down for you Jurians. Now drink up men! TENCHI: Well, when dad said we were gonna go out camping, I kinda had the feeling we'd actually do it OUTdoors. (the scene zooms out to reveal that they are in the greenhouse) NOBOYUKI: Quit yer complaining. It's almost like being outside. Watch (he turns on the sprinkler system) See? Now we have rain. (Tenchi gives his father one of those looks, and then looks to Seion and Yosho) SEION: Don't look at us. He's YOUR father. YOSHO: Now turn off the rain. (looks at the fire) Oh well. So much for the fire. What do we do for dinner? (they all look around and then they all say in unison) ALL: PIZZA! The camera starts to pull away and the music starts. From inside the greenhouse we hear... TENCHI: No mushrooms on mine! SEION: No veggies on mine PERIOD! Back to the girls........ MIHOSHI: Wow, his stuff really does clear the mind. SASAMI: Here you go, Megumi! (She hands Megumi a slice of Sasamimade Chicago Style pizza) MEGUMI: Thanks! So, what about your honeymoon? KIYONE: Hadn't thought about where to go. Noboyuki wants to go to Hawaii. I thought about spending a few days in Kyoto. AEAKA: Might I make a suggestion? How about spending a bout two weeks in a Jurian Palace? MISAKI: Wonderful idea. You'll love it. It's better than any 5-star hotel in the galaxy. KIYONE: Hmmmm.....I may just have to talk him into it. RYOKO: Well, no matter where you go, you two kids will have fun doin' you-know-what. Heh-heh! (she nudges Kiyone) Ne, Kiyone? MIHOSHI: Not if she doesn't start taking my advice. (All just give Mihoshi one of those looks) AEKA: What could YOU possibly know about, ahem.....intimacy? MISAKI: Hold on! Sasami, go to the Kitchen. You too, Tsunami. SASAMI: Alright.....(she picks up her plate and leaves) MISAKI: (with a pen and a notepad) Okay, let's here it! AEKA: MOMMY! MISAKI: Oh, grow up, Little one. Everyone in the Galaxy knows that Kizakan women are masters of the, ahem, intimate arts. Seion's a lucky man, and Mihoshi's a lucky woman. AEKA: What do you mean? Amanese men don't study that stuff. Seion even said so himself. MISAKI: Look at the boy, Aeka. He's 190.5cm and 102.6kg of pure MUSCLE! Imagine what he must look like without his clothes. KIYONE: NO THANK YOU! I prefer you NOT treat him like a cut of meat! MIHOSHI: Oh, but he has the cutest little-- KIYONE: MIHOSHI! MIHOSHI: Sorry. Well anyway, There's a spot on every woman that'll make her completely melt. AEKA: Yeah, right. Like I believe that! MIHOSHI: Yours is right..........HERE! (she pokes Aeka's breast and Aeka passes out) See? RYOKO: What about me? MIHOSHI: Small of the back. MEGUMI: And me? MIHOSHI: Behind the ears. MISAKI: And me? MIHOSHI: Like mother, like daughter. WASHU: Like you'll ever find mine. MIHOSHI: It's your temples! KIYONE: Don't you even tell them-- MIHOSHI: What? About how having fingers run though your hair gets you in the proper mood? KIYONE: YOU TOLD! RYOKO: Wow, you are good! What about men? Where do we get Tenchi? MIHOSHI: Gather around, girls, and take notes! Now for men, it's the same place on all of them. Now, you take your hand and............ Later that evening, with the boys....... TENCHI: That's more than I wanted to know. NOBOYUKI: Well, it's true. TENCHI: Yeah, but I didn't have to learn about how I was conceived! YOSHO: Nor did I. That was my daughter you were talking about! NOBOYUKI: Then I'll tell you about when Kiyone and I-- SEION: Do even start if you wanna do it with her again! NOBOYUKI: Well, that does it for all the women I've ever gone that far with. That leaves you, Seion. SEION: Well, I'll just start with me and Demi. We--(he's cut off by the cell phone. Tenchi answers it) TENCHI: Hello? RYOKO! I miss you and Aeka. How's everything going..... Yeah, he's here. Oh. (he hands the phones to Seion) She wants you. SEION: Yes? (the screen switches to split screen) RYOKO: Hey, I've got an idea and your the only one there I couls trust to make it fun. Me and the girls are gonna throw a bridal shower for Kiyone, and so I need you to hold a batchelor party for Noboyuki. You think you can handle that without Tenchi stamping all the fun outta it? SEION: Consider it done. Operation: Last night of Freedom begins. SCENE 7: Kairi's Ship. Kairi is in his office when one of his henchmen enter KAIRI: I though I made it clear that I didn't want to be disturbed! HENCHMAN: Yes, you said that unless it was her. And......it's her. KAIRI: You may go. (the man leaves. Kari goes over to an altar. a female voice greets him) VOICE: How is our plan coming along? KAIRI: Perfectly. My informant on Earth was right. They are all in the same location. VOICE: And how about my host? KAIRI: She doesn't even relize who framed her. She's desperate. You should be able to totally control her once we break her out of that prison. VOICE: Wonderful. KAIRI: About my payment, my lady. (as the figure shows herself, she is revealed to be Tokimi) TOKIMI: You'll be rewarded handsomley, my love. Once I bring myself into this universe, we can finally be together. And conquer this wretched universe together!! 8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 ENDING SONG: "Chacha ni Omakase" by Tomo Sakurai . Tenchi...........................................Masami Kikuchi Ryoko............................................Ai Orikasa Aeka.............................................Yumi Takada Sasami...........................................Chisa Yokoyama Kiyone&Megumi....................................Yuri Amano Mihoshi..........................................Yuko Mizutani Washu............................................Yuko Kobayashi Nagi.............................................Mizue Otsuka Ryo-oki..........................................Etsuko Kozakura Ken-oki..........................................Akiko Yajima Yosho and Noboyuki...............................Takeshi Aono Seion............................................Tetsuya Iwanaga Demi.............................................Tomo Sakurai Hans.............................................Sho Hayami Written by.......................................Patrick M. Stewart. CUE NEXT EPISODE MUSIC MITSUKI: YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME! I DIDN'T DO IT THIS TIME! KAIRI: In our next episode, The conquest of the universe is at hand, and one detective will be respossible for it. TOKIMI: Join us, or I'll leave you to the mercy of the GP! DAIKYU: Lady Tokimi is not to be questioned. TENCHI: But on Earth, more joyous matters are taking place. MIHOSHI: You're gonna make a beautiful bride, Kiyone. TENCHI: In our next episode, NO NEED FOR A UNION! @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Notes: 1. After Brazil gave me a review and a little CONSRTUCTIVE critisism, I've done a little reworking of my fic's format to make it look a little better. I hope you like it! 2. Just who are all these new characters? If you haven't read the first few Eps do so now. 3. Visit my website at www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bridge/9872. 4. If you wanna know what Seion looks like, just let me know by Email and I can send you a copy of his picture and his stats. Seion can be reached at seion@geocities.com. Don't flame me or my fic. If you do you will get nuked back. Smile for the nice people Sasami -----> (^-^) "Curse the handsome devil that I am! I'm always one step ahead of myself!"--Seion Makibi