[Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo! and its characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC, Inc. and was created by Masaki Kajishima. This story comes entirely from my imagination, and is strictly intended to be apocryphal--so please don't sue me.] PREVIEW: Ahoy, mates! Time to make sail on the open seas. There's a storm a-blowin', and this lubber feels like bearing off this dock. Get your sea biscuits ready, cause it's going to be a long voyage. If you're prone to seasickness, you'd better make sure your barf bags are ready, cause it looks like rough running. If action, adventure and romance is what you want, why just settle for Tenchi Forever, when you can have... TENCHI TILL THE COWS COME HOME: 1 STOWED AWAY Tenchi's quest means a nice two-week vacation for him, and fourteen days of pure hell for everyone else. On the bright side, Tenchi seems to be enjoying himself a bit more. 2 SHIPWRECKED Tenchi comes to the end of his quest, as the girls have one last encounter with pirates. Funny, though. I didn't know pirates and cops were working together nowadays... 3 THE CAT'S-PAW Time for a little resolution--not always a pretty picture. Things get literally sickening in this shocking dramatic finish. *** PROLOGUE: (A Discourse In Jurai Bureaucracy) INT. AYEKA'S BEDROOM Sasami and Ayeka are lying in their beds, apparently asleep. Sasami sits up, pondering. She looks over at Ayeka, thoughtfully. SASAMI: (softly) Ayeka, are you asleep? Ayeka scowls and sits up. AYEKA: Yes, I am. (sigh) What do you want, Sasami? CU. SASAMI SASAMI: I was just wondering about something... I never really thought about it, before. BEDROOM Ayeka lies back down, trying to get comfortable again. AYEKA: Whatever it is, Sasami, you can tell me. I would understand. I am your sister, remember? SASAMI: I know that, Ayeka. I'm grateful, too. Really. There's just something that's been bothering me for some time, now. CU. AYEKA AYEKA: (concerned) Bothering you? What's the problem, Sasami? CU. SASAMI SASAMI: (reluctant) Well... It's about something that Yosho told you before. I'm not sure what he was thinking. Sometimes, I wonder if Yosho doesn't really think before he speaks... BEDROOM Ayeka looks around, genuinely puzzled. AYEKA: What was that? SASAMI: You remember--when he told you that you were perfect for Tenchi. No offense, but I honestly don't see how you two could get married. AYEKA: (sigh) It's all very reasonable, Sasami. The Jurai royal family is expected to marry within the family, just like anyone else. We are the symbolic union of our society. We are supposed to set an example. CU. SASAMI SASAMI: But, you remember what Father said? He wants you to marry someone who can give us a political advantage. You know he would never go along with a marriage between you and Tenchi. CU. AYEKA AYEKA: (irritated) I don't have to have approval, Sasami. Just because Father is the king of Jurai, doesn't make him my master. I will marry whoever I please. BEDROOM SASAMI: I know, but you can't just expect him to sit by and watch you marry Tenchi. He might order you to marry someone else, as well. You'd still be a princess, after all. AYEKA: Common law forbids us from taking more than one husband, Sasami. You know that. SASAMI: Yes, but it has happened before. Precedent always takes priority over common law. AYEKA: But the Unified Galaxy Law forbids the action of precedent once common law is invoked. SASAMI: That only applies to Juraian customs. The taking of more than one husband is an Earth tradition. CU. AYEKA AYEKA: (surprised) It is? CU. SASAMI SASAMI: It's obscure, but yes. BEDROOM AYEKA: How annoying. Wait a moment--if I pledge Tenchi as my personal chamberlain, I can avoid the whole question of common law. The court of commerce specifically forbids the legal interference in matters of political office. I could claim the marriage as an official treasury expense and shield the entire thing. SASAMI: Yeah, I thought of that. Commerce policy only really applies to ad hoc situations. You can't just blanket the matter. An auditor would dispose of every motion you made. AYEKA: Oh. Right. Well... Civil law can restrain a family member from unwanted administrations of public duty. SASAMI: That would only allow you to assess a remedy, after the fact. Anyway, you'd have to abstain from public duty for the duration of your marriage, if you did that. And since you're a princess, that would require you to abstain in the household of the inspector general as his personal scribe. CU. AYEKA She sits up, looking very annoyed. AYEKA: My, what was Yosho thinking? Hmm... Maybe I could just refrain from my duty, then plead for amnesty from Tenchi. That seems like the most logical thing to do. Tenchi is the heir to the throne, after all. CU. SASAMI She looks at Ayeka, a little amused. SASAMI: Father would just revoke it. It's not like Tenchi has authority over the emperor--not unless he's willing to fight a duel over the matter. BEDROOM Ayeka ponders again for a moment. AYEKA: I think I have it. I could convene a family forum. SASAMI: That won't work. No matter what a forum decides, the father is the first surety of a marriage trust. AYEKA: (scowling) I could threaten a divorce. SASAMI: Then he would just order you to marry again. You would go back and forth, just making the situation worse. AYEKA: (groaning) Well, I was hoping to avoid this, but it has been in my mind for some time-- CU. SASAMI SASAMI: You mean, your idea about just renouncing the royal family name? CU. AYEKA AYEKA: It would be my last resort, if matters came to it. BEDROOM Sasami ponders for a moment. SASAMI: It might work. I don't think that that's what Yosho had in mind, though. He only abandoned the family to avoid a conflict with you over the throne. If you renounced the family name, you could never succeed to the throne. Didn't he promise that Tenchi would take care of you? AYEKA: Yes, I remember that. SASAMI: Yosho would lose face if you renounced the family name, wouldn't he? CU. AYEKA AYEKA: (frowning) What does Yosho care about his honor? He abandoned the family, remember? CU. SASAMI SASAMI: True, but a promise made to the emperor is the same as a life-pact. To break it would mean capital punishment. BEDROOM AYEKA: Yosho can't be held accountable for my actions. SASAMI: Really? Didn't he encourage you to marry Tenchi in the first place? That fact alone makes him responsible. If you renounced the family name and married Tenchi, he could have Yosho beheaded for it. AYEKA: Father would never do that. He still wants to win favor with Yosho, remember? CU. SASAMI SASAMI: Yes, but Father could always hold it over him--and he would always blame you. Besides which, Yosho would become the crown prince again. That could only outrage the orthodox factions in the Holy Council--which could lead to a civil war. There might not even be an empire left to rule over. The only way to avoid that would be for me to fight Yosho over succession. (grim) I think you know who would win such a fight. CU. AYEKA Lying back down, fretting with annoyance. AYEKA: This is very upsetting, Sasami. Remind me not to make you the maid of honor at my wedding--which, I assure you, will be soon. CU. SASAMI SASAMI: That's okay, Ayeka. As maid of honor, I would have to consent to your marriage--and I could be held legally responsible, if I did. BEDROOM AYEKA: So, it's a choice of whether I want my future husband to fight a duel for my honor or banish my own sister from the ceremony and risk galactic anarchy. (sigh) I have an idea. I could just become an Earthling and elope with Tenchi. That seems like the sensible thing to do. SASAMI: Tenchi would never go along with that. AYEKA: What makes you say that? SASAMI: Because he gave his word to Father, in accord with Yosho. He'll want to know whether he can keep it. You don't think he'll disappoint Yosho, do you? CU. AYEKA She pulls the covers over her head. AYEKA: I see why this has been bothering you, Sasami. Thank you for sharing. I shall enjoy reflecting on this. Goodnight. CU. SASAMI SASAMI: (smug) Goodnight, Ayeka. Pleasant dreams. FADE OUT