Author: Mike Fenton Title: AFS #15 (SILLY LESSONS) Notes: Regular (OVA), script format Summary: Ayeka has a mysterious visitor and Ryoko gets a hair-raising revelation. [Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo! and its characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC, Inc. and was created by Masaki Kajishima. This story comes entirely from my imagination, and is strictly intended to be apocryphal--so please don't sue me. Minmei is an homage (ahem, ripoff) to the character in Robotech--Lynn Minmei (Minmay), the sweet girl of Rick Hunter's (Ichijo Hikaru) dreams who he naturally decides to dump at the end. Robotech is the property of Harmony Gold, and was made from SDF: Macross-- which was made by Tatsunoko Studios.] 1 EXT. NEAR GATE Open on trees with coloring, suggesting early fall. Two large log-like creatures guard the entrance. AZAKA: Just another fine morning? KAMIDAKE: Yes. It's going to be another peaceful day. 2 EXT. A SMALL CLEARING NEARBY A couple figures wearing a peculiar style of GP uniform force a man with a video camera away from the area, toward a small vehicle. VIDEO GUY: Hey, who are you guys? You can't suppress the media! What do you think you're doing? 3 INT. RYOKO'S BEDROOM Ryoko is lying in bed, covers sprawled--looking like warmed-over death. One arm is hanging limp over the side, and she is merely staring upward, blankly. (Ryoko appears to be very thin--like someone dying of cancer. Her face is sharp and her eyes seem large. Her hair is mostly flat and limp, and she moves with a kind of vague slouching--like a death march.) The door slides open for Sasami. (Sasami appears to be about eleven--tall and long-haired, but still fairly thin and lacking in definition.) She scowls and waves at the air. SASAMI: Ryoko! How long have you been lying there? What in the world were you drinking? Ryoko glances at the door and groans. She closes her eyes and struggles to get up, failing. She sighs and looks around again. RYOKO: (not much more than a croak) Go away. Mihoshi appears next to Sasami. SASAMI: Ryoko? Are you sick or something? MIHOSHI: Hey Sasami, did something die in here? It smells like a dead skunk. Ryoko gets up and glares at the door. RYOKO: Leave me alone! Sasami flinches and Mihoshi gapes. They slowly close the door. Ryoko lies back down. A few beats pass, and the door slides open again. RYOKO: (looking around) Didn't you hear me? Oh, it's just you. Tenchi looks on in pity and disgust. (Tenchi looks about twenty-one--a little more muscular and defined. His hair is still short, although he wears a thicker pony-tail.) Ryoko stares upward again. RYOKO: (softly) Just let me die! Please! 4 EXT. FLOATING ONSEN 5 INT. POOL Tenchi is sitting over Ryoko--who is sitting in the pool. Tenchi has a considerately annoyed look. TENCHI: You should really eat more. You look like you could blow away in a strong wind. RYOKO: I'm not hungry. (her stomach growls) Okay, maybe just a little. Tenchi hands her a bowl and some chopsticks. She the bowl. She starts to eat, then looks up at Tenchi. RYOKO: You're not embarrassed? TENCHI: (a twisted smile) Nothing I haven't seen a hundred times, Ryoko. Ryoko goes back to eating. Tenchi sighs and leans on his hands. TENCHI: What's the matter with you, Ryoko? You know I care about you. RYOKO: (nearly choking) Oh yeah, sure... TENCHI: Well... RYOKO: (smiling grimly) Then why don't you join me? Tenchi rolls his eyes. Ryoko looks back at her food. RYOKO: (softly) That's what I thought. TENCHI: You still hate me. You'd never forgive me, you know. RYOKO: (sullen) I know. I really hate it when you're right. TENCHI: What's the hurry, anyway? I'm not going anywhere. RYOKO: Really? TENCHI: Yeah. She frowns, thoughtfully. Tenchi is a little nervous, he reflexively ponders. TENCHI: I think the Galaxy Police have finally rounded up all those damn fortune hunters. It was a good thing those knights showed up when they did. It's weird, but the media still has no idea what's really going on. Ryoko finishes and sets the bowl aside. RYOKO: People aren't stupid. They know there's something here. I think Yosho is kidding himself if he thinks this is still a big secret. TENCHI: Sasami said it wasn't on TV, so I think we're okay. RYOKO: (flinching slightly) You always listen to Sasami? TENCHI: What? RYOKO: (annoyed) Tenchi, every other time we talk, it's always 'Sasami said this' or 'Sasami said that.' What's going on? You're always hanging around with that kid, lately. TENCHI: (pleasant) I can't help it if she likes me. What am I going to do? Tell her to buzz off? Ryoko dunks her head for a moment, then comes back up. RYOKO: (casual) She's sinking her claws into you, Tenchi. You don't notice it, but she's not a little kid anymore. She has a very different look about her, lately. I'm telling you, Tenchi. That girl is really giving me the creeps. I thought Ayeka was scary, but she's pleasant and nice compared to Sasami. TENCHI: Don't be silly, Ryoko. You're just imagining things, again. Sasami has never said or done anything threatening. RYOKO: Just my point. She's luring you into a false sense of security. Then, when you're totally under her influence--bang! TENCHI: (smirking) What? She turns to Tenchi. RYOKO: Oh, Tenchi. (mournfully) Promise me you won't ever leave without telling me. Please... TENCHI: (a little shocked) Huh? Oh, okay... Ryoko pleads with her eyes. RYOKO: Tenchi, this is serious. I'm really worried. TENCHI: (amused) Wow, that's weird. Me run off with Sasami? I've never even thought about it... RYOKO: (irritated) Aren't you listening to me? The door slides open and Sasami enters. SASAMI: Oh! There you are! Hey Tenchi, I've got another one. I'd really like to know what you think. Tenchi looks around at Sasami. Ryoko frowns, looking away. TENCHI: (brightly) Another libretto? Hey, that's great! I'll be right with you. SASAMI: (looking down) Oh, hey Ryoko! I hope you feel better. (looking up again) See you, Tenchi. Sasami makes a nice wave and Tenchi chuckles and waves back. RYOKO: (contralto) Well, what are you waiting for? He looks down at Ryoko in some confusion. TENCHI: Huh? 6 TITLE: "EPISODE 15: SILLY LESSONS" 7 EXT. MASAKI FRONT YARD Mihoshi is wearing a teacher's uniform and Ayeka is wearing gardening overalls. Ayeka is arranging some large rocks by a bit of entourage. MIHOSHI: What are you doing, Ayeka? AYEKA: (matter-of-factly) Just about to serve some tea, actually. No better place for tea than the yard, you know. MIHOSHI: (amused) You don't think it's strange? Isn't it silly to sit in the yard, drinking tea? Ayeka bends down to arrange another rock. AYEKA: No, not at all. I imagine it would be quite relaxing. MIHOSHI: (a little flustered) But what if it starts to rain? Ayeka kneels to adjust another rock. AYEKA: But that is what the sky is for, Mihoshi. It is there to serve us tea. Why else would we be out in the yard? MIHOSHI: Huh? Oh, that's just silly! AYEKA: (very casual) What's so silly about the sky? I think the sky is a remarkable thing. There are many civilizations that never get to see the sky--I mean, except through windows in the ground. MIHOSHI: Oh wow! Really? AYEKA: Don't tell me you've never visited one. MIHOSHI: (pondering) Well... AYEKA: (smiling in a peculiar way) In those civilizations, Mihoshi, up is down and people float along the ground to wherever they want. There is no need for a sky. After visiting such a place, you come to understand that the world is just a place fed by an ever-watching sky. The sky is our friend--you might say it is our tea-time companion. Ayeka gets up again, as Mihoshi scowls in thought. AYEKA: But in this world, Mihoshi, we have to make sure that the sky is happy. You understand? MIHOSHI: Uh... AYEKA: Yes? MIHOSHI: (stumped) No... AYEKA: Well, we are not all worthy of our companions. I have noticed this more and more every day. You have a companion named Tenchi, I do believe? MIHOSHI: (slightly alarmed) Uh... Well, yeah... AYEKA: (waxing eloquent) Make sure your companions are happy, Mihoshi. Don't let your friend Tenchi get beguiled by unwanted visitors. Ayeka kneels to arrange another group of rocks. MIHOSHI: But isn't Tenchi your friend, too? AYEKA: (snippy) Don't get technical on me, Mihoshi. You're supposed to be my mentor, remember? MIHOSHI: (sigh) I know you're just having fun with me, Ayeka. I'll leave you alone for awhile. AYEKA: Farewell. Don't fall into the sky, Mihoshi. Mihoshi turns and quickly returns to the house. Ayeka wipes away some sweat. AYEKA: (softly) What a nitwit! She looks up and widens her eyes in surprise. A short, pretty girl with long, dark hair appears. She looks vaguely rat-like, and her gaping expression might give someone the impression that she is charmingly naive. AYEKA: Minmei! Hey, is that you? MINMEI: It's me! Who else would that statue be? Ayeka hugs Minmei. AYEKA: It has been so long! You still stand like a statue. They chuckle and look at each other. MINMEI: Well, you look more like a statue. I don't suppose you've gotten any less fussy? AYEKA: This statue has been carving away at some slight blemishes of her own. MINMEI: (wryly amused) Anyone else doing some carving? AYEKA: (giggling) If anyone knows about carving, Minmei, it's you. They seem amused for a moment, then Ayeka frowns, gesturing. AYEKA: You should come inside, Minmei. Have something to drink while you explain what brings you here. There must be quite a bit of catching-up to do. MINMEI: (starting to follow) There's not much to tell, actually. I hope you don't get disappointed. AYEKA: Now, how could I possibly be disappointed? It's not every day that a good friend comes to visit. MINMEI: Well, I'm not actually here to just visit... 8 INT. MAIN HALL Tenchi is sitting at the table, writing. Sasami is sitting across from Tenchi, looking in a booklet, holding a flute. TENCHI: (still writing) That was up to A-sharp? SASAMI: B... TENCHI: Oh, okay. Oh, I see. This sequence is just a harmonic of the last. SASAMI: (smiling) It's just another pattern, Tenchi. I thought you knew all about this stuff. TENCHI: (scratching his head) Actually, I'm not very good at musical composition. Sasami frowns and looks down at the libretto. SASAMI: I'm not sure this lyric really works, though. TENCHI: Which one? SASAMI: '...among the shadows, longing to see,/ If you will ever return to me...' It seems so cliche, don't you think? TENCHI: I think it's really good. SASAMI: (still frowning) I don't know. '...yearning to see...', '...eager to see...'? It's that word 'see,' I think. Nothing good rhymes with 'see.' Ayeka and Minmei enter. Ayeka leads Minmei to the table. AYEKA: Lord Tenchi, I'd like you to meet someone. This is Minmei. She and I were constant companions at one time. MINMEI: Hi, everybody. Tenchi and Sasami look at Minmei. TENCHI: Hi. SASAMI: Hello, Minmei! Sasami stands as Minmei approaches, thoughtfully. MINMEI: Oh, wow! Sasami, you've gotten really big. You're taller than me, now! This is incredible! SASAMI: (chuckling) Well, I couldn't stay young forever... MINMEI: Hmm... I can't imagine it, but it must be from living off-planet, huh? I always thought I had a century on you! Tenchi frowns, thoughtfully. AYEKA: Now, Minmei. We mustn't embarrass little Sasami. She's still very young, after all. MINMEI: Yeah, but that's remarkable! AYEKA: (somewhat annoyed) Let's not dwell on the obvious, Minmei. I should like for us to discuss this little arrangement we have. I'm sure the others are already curious. MINMEI: (smiles sheepishly) Oh! Right. Let's sit down and have a drink, before we get started. I'd like all of us to get to know each other better. This is going to be much more fun than I thought. TENCHI: (casual) I'll just get some drinks. AYEKA: No, that's okay, Lord Tenchi. You make yourself comfortable. I shall get us something. Minmei and Sasami sit. MINMEI: Lord Tenchi? That's your name? TENCHI: (nervous) Well, it's really just Tenchi Masaki... SASAMI: Ayeka likes to be very formal, you know. MINMEI: Hmm... Yes. You mind if I just call you Tenchi, then? TENCHI: (chuckling) Oh, that's okay. Really. MINMEI: (smiling) Super! Now, Tenchi. I want you to hear this too. I've been sent here by the Jurai council to fill in for Mihoshi. I'm not her replacement, mind you. They just wanted to be sure Mihoshi wasn't overworked. You understand? TENCHI: Yeah. So, what does this have to do with me? MINMEI: Well, I'm your tutor now. I'm here to train all of you--I mean you, Ayeka and Sasami. I'm not completely sure why they sent me. I guess it's just because Ayeka and I are such old friends... Ayeka reenters with a plate of drinks. SASAMI: (frowns thoughtfully) All of us? Like a class? How is this going to work? Ayeka sets the drinks on the table and sits. MINMEI: Well, I thought I'd handle you on an individual basis and take it from there. I mean, you all have separate disciplines, right? Ayeka, you were studying arts and crafts? AYEKA: Hmm... I suppose I was. I think we shall have to discuss this at greater length. TENCHI: Yeah, you can't really compare a Jurai education with Earth, can you? AYEKA: That's okay, Lord Tenchi. I'm sure she just means Sasami and myself. MINMEI: No, no. I want Tenchi in on this. Jurai is his roots, too. AYEKA: What? MINMEI: (nervous) I know it's a little awkward, but bear with me. I'm a pretty lousy tutor, but I think we can fourth-level if we study hard enough. TENCHI: Fourth-level? AYEKA: (still stunned) You mean, you are Lord Tenchi's tutor, as well? Minmei sighs. 9 OMIT 10 INT. MAIN HALL Ryoko goes across the balcony to her bedroom. 11 INT. RYOKO'S BEDROOM Ryoko enters her room and flops down in bed. She snaps her fingers and the room goes completely black. She flinches as a dim light hits her. RYOKO: Hey! The alchemist sits on the floor, reading a book. He is holding a small torch. ALCHEMIST: (softly) Quiet! I'm trying to read. Ryoko sits up in her bed. RYOKO: Hey, old man, who are you and what are you doing here? ALCHEMIST: (smug) An interesting question. I'd say I'm just a dirty old man violating a woman's privacy--but I'd be wrong. I'll have to settle for something a little less obvious. RYOKO: (teleporting in front of him) Listen, buster! You've got two seconds to live if you don't answer my question! ALCHEMIST: Two seconds? My my! You are generous. I guess a long autobiography is out of the question. Oops! I just used it all up! (chuckling) I suppose I should look for a burial site or something. Ryoko glowers, as the alchemist continues to chuckle. RYOKO: Hey! I know you. You're that guy who blocked me when I went to follow Sasami into that passageway! You did something to Sasami, didn't you? You are a dirty old man! ALCHEMIST: Hmm... Just as I suspected. Well, since I obviously cannot erase your memory, I'm going to have to make a deal. I'm very good at making deals. RYOKO: What are you talking about? Don't change the subject. I'm still going to kill you, you know. ALCHEMIST: Kill me? How amusing! A light-dagger hovers just under his chin. He sets down the torch and very casually takes the light-dagger by the blade. ALCHEMIST: (curious) Hmm... Hey, now this is some craftsmanship! Huh? Oh, sorry! He hands the dagger back to Ryoko. ALCHEMIST: Just an old habit! RYOKO: What the hell? ALCHEMIST: Now, let's not get insulting. I only came here to conduct some business. I don't get personal-- not that I can't. It's just not a sound business policy. Ryoko puts away the dagger. RYOKO: What kind of business? He picks up the torch again. ALCHEMIST: (loftily) You could say that I illuminate the darkness. I am an alchemist. Ryoko doubles over, laughing. ALCHEMIST: (taken aback) What? RYOKO: I'm sorry, I thought you said you were an alchemist! What a joke! ALCHEMIST: It's no joke. You think I'm a comedian? RYOKO: Oh, there's no way! It can't be done! What is alchemy, anyway? ALCHEMIST: (very shrewd) Alchemy is love. I believe this is something you are interested in. RYOKO: (suddenly deadly serious) What did you say? You'd better not be joking. The alchemist stands and faces her. ALCHEMIST: (firm) I've never been more serious. I know all about you, Ryoko. I have a good memory. RYOKO: What are you talking about? How do you know me? ALCHEMIST: It was a little over three years ago. I saw you in a rather revealing moment. You fought with yourself and your other self over Tenchi's fate. It aroused my interest. Now, what I want to know is how much you know about me. RYOKO: Only that you're obviously not someone to be trusted. What did you do with Sasami? ALCHEMIST: (aloof) I could tell you all about Sasami--anything you could ever want to know--but it would cost you the opportunity of a lifetime, Ryoko. Think about it. RYOKO: (scowling) Okay. I want to know something. How can I win Tenchi again? ALCHEMIST: (very matter-of-factly) You can't. Tenchi is beyond your reach, now. Sorry. Ryoko reels a little. RYOKO: (nearly breathless) What? ALCHEMIST: I said he is out of your reach, but I can give him to you. For me, it's a snap. RYOKO: (groaning) No, I don't believe you! (vicious) You're a monster! ALCHEMIST: (chuckling) Hey, it isn't my problem. I'm just a businessman. This is your problem. Ryoko tries to slap him, but the alchemist grabs her hand. Ryoko tries to pull her hand away. ALCHEMIST: You should be more respectful to your elders, young lady. I'm old enough to be your grandfather. RYOKO: Let me go! The alchemist continues to hold her hand, drawing her closer. ALCHEMIST: (softly) I know what you want, Ryoko. You want a quick change, but it can't happen quickly. You have to be patient. Time is an absolute. Ryoko suddenly flies backward a few feet, rubbing her hand. ALCHEMIST: (casual) I'm usually a very pleasant person, Ryoko. All this dramatic nonsense is wearying to me. If you really take me seriously, you can visit me later this evening. RYOKO: (frowning) Where? ALCHEMIST: I'll be with the young man at about that time. I'll have a few things to ask him, as well. See you... The alchemist flickers, and the room is engulfed in darkness. 12 INT. MAIN HALL (table) Minmei looks at her empty cup, frowning a bit. TENCHI: Hey, you want some more? MINMEI: Oh, that's okay. I'm just wondering how I'm going to catch up with all of you. This is so confusing... AYEKA: (thoughtfully) Yes, I agree. This seems more like an attempt to spy on me, although I can't believe it. Why would someone go to all this trouble? Minmei shrugs. Ryoko floats down next to Tenchi. RYOKO: (mournfully) Tenchi? Tenchi looks around at Ryoko. TENCHI: What the--? Ryoko is trembling, tearing up. RYOKO: (terrified) You know I love you, Tenchi. Don't you? TENCHI: (kindly) Ryoko! What's the matter with you? Have you been drinking again? Ryoko begins to weep and hovers off through a wall. Minmei starts to ask something, then stops. MINMEI: Uh... Ayeka looks around, then looks back toward Minmei. SASAMI: Oh, Minmei. That was Ryoko. You might have heard of her. AYEKA: Yes. You know, I wasn't quite sure how to describe her, but I think this explains her much better than I ever could. 13 EXT. MASAKI SHRINE Midday. Mihoshi sits on the front steps, leaning on her hands. Yosho comes out and stands just next to her. YOSHO: Oh, hello Mihoshi. Is there something wrong? MIHOSHI: Oh, it's probably nothing. YOSHO: The studies are going well, I hope. She frowns and stares vacantly. MIHOSHI: Ayeka's playing mind games with me again. I think she enjoys it, too. YOSHO: Well, as long as it's all in fun, I don't see the harm. Mihoshi looks up at Yosho. MIHOSHI: You're not worried that she might start acting crazy? People who talk like that can become violent, I know... YOSHO: Hmm... Yes, you're right, of course. It was prudent for you to bring this to me, but I doubt that we need to worry. Ayeka wants to be here, correct? MIHOSHI: Huh? YOSHO: She won't endanger herself. As long as no one is making her leave, I don't think we'll see any serious trouble. Mihoshi looks back around, doubtfully. MIHOSHI: You don't think Tenchi might want to leave? He looks down at Mihoshi, fairly annoyed. YOSHO: What makes you say that? Mihoshi sighs and leans on her hands again. MIHOSHI: Oh, nothing. I'm probably wrong about this. Yosho rubs his chin thoughtfully and returns to the shrine. 14 INT. MAIN HALL (table) Tenchi and Sasami are at the table. Sasami is looking through her libretto, and Tenchi is pondering--a large sketchbook lying in front of him. TENCHI: I wonder what that scene this morning was about? SASAMI: Oh, well--you know Ryoko. TENCHI: I thought I did. She looked really scary. I've never seen her this bad. Sasami continues looking through the libretto. SASAMI: Yeah. I could see her hands trembling. She had a few lines around her eyes I hadn't seen before. Something must have given her a good shock. I almost felt sorry for her, myself. He looks intently at Sasami. TENCHI: (softly) You looked like you recognized something. Is there something you want to tell me, Sasami? She frowns and looks up. SASAMI: (sighing) Sorry, Tenchi. I'd really like to tell you, but I can't. I made a promise. 15 EXT. PATIO Twilight. Tenchi sits in a chair on the patio. He sits up, a look of mild surprise. A door flickers and materializes just above the patio. Tenchi approaches the door. He touches it carefully, then looks around. He looks behind the door and considers. He looks at the door skeptically. Tenchi knocks on the door. The door promptly opens, and the alchemist appears behind it. ALCHEMIST: Yes? TENCHI: You're the man who frightened Ryoko this morning? The one Sasami won't tell me about? The alchemist bows. ALCHEMIST: The very same. I am at your service. Won't you please come in? Tenchi follows alchemist in. The door closes and vanishes. A moment later, Ryoko appears. She looks around, fairly irritated. 16 EXT. RIVERSIDE PATH A path leading through the woods to a castle. Beside the path is a bench. The bench looks out across a vast river. Beyond the river are mountains. The trees sway in a good breeze. Tenchi and the alchemist walk toward the bench. The alchemist gestures, and Tenchi sits. TENCHI: This is a nice spot. This place seems very peaceful. ALCHEMIST: I recommend a good riverside view for your retirement years. It's very soothing. You mind? TENCHI: Not at all. Please-- ALCHEMIST: Thank you. (sitting) It's so nice to have a pleasant conversation. Don't you think? TENCHI: (looking very relaxed) I agree. It seems like ages since the last one. ALCHEMIST: (smiling) You know, Tenchi-- I may call you that, may I? TENCHI: I don't mind. ALCHEMIST: I just knew you would appreciate this view. You seem to be the calm and serious type. Tenchi starts to look thoughtful. TENCHI: There's no point in getting worked up. What happens, happens. So, you're retired? ALCHEMIST: Well, I have some hobbies, but I'm mostly retired. He hands a book to Tenchi. TENCHI: What's this? 'On Turning Straw Into Gold'? You're an alchemist? ALCHEMIST: That's my profession. TENCHI: Well, I've seen stranger things. ALCHEMIST: Tenchi, do you mind if I test you? I'm just curious. You seem to have a lot of hidden power. TENCHI: (a little concerned) Test me? What do you mean? You don't mean scanners and samples? ALCHEMIST: (chuckling) Oh, nothing like that. I'm not a scientist. My work is a little more subtle than that. I mean, I want to riddle you. You just figure out the riddles, that's all. TENCHI: (confused) Riddles? How are riddles going to find my hidden power? ALCHEMIST: You'd be surprised what you can discover just simply by asking the right questions. But, then again, maybe you wouldn't, huh? TENCHI: Huh? Oh, I see. So, what do you want to ask me? The alchemist slowly stands and stretches. ALCHEMIST: Oh, no hurry. I need to have time to think of the right riddles, you know. You aren't in a hurry, are you? TENCHI: (introspective) No. I guess not. Tenchi contemplates for a moment. He looks at the book again, then looks at the alchemist. TENCHI: So, what's the book for? Is this some payment for the test? ALCHEMIST: Huh? No. That's for Ryoko. I need an apprentice, and she seems like an excellent choice to me. TENCHI: Why should she be your apprentice? ALCHEMIST: Well, in return for her service, I can make her very happy. Ryoko is very easy to please. TENCHI: Hmm... Yeah. Ryoko does need a hobby. Tenchi stands and looks around, thoughtfully. TENCHI: I should probably go. ALCHEMIST: It was a pleasure to meet you, young man. I look forward to seeing you again. 17 INT. LIBRARY Mihoshi scans a shelf. Minmei enters behind her. MINMEI: Hey! MIHOSHI: Oh! (turning) Oh, you scared me! MINMEI: (amused) Just having some fun, you know. MIHOSHI: It's okay. I just like to play nice. MINMEI: (a little sullen) Yeah, I realize that now. Sorry about this morning. MIHOSHI: Huh? MINMEI: It was very rude of me, but I just had to know. I mean, (chuckling) who would have believed it, huh? A house full of women all in love with one guy! It just seemed so crazy! MIHOSHI: Oh! (nervously chuckling) Yeah, it does seem crazy. MINMEI: I didn't know you'd go off like that. I'm not really taking Tenchi away--at least, I don't think I am. MIHOSHI: What do you mean by that? MINMEI: (annoyed) Well, those councilors were pretty thorough about making sure I had a lot of passports and rights waivers. I looked at them, but they were only made out for Tenchi. Weird, huh? It's like they expect him to come back with me to Jurai. I'm probably just being stupid, though. MIHOSHI: (very nervous) Yeah, it's probably nothing. Minmei becomes serious again. MINMEI: You mind if I ask you something personal? MIHOSHI: No... MINMEI: What is it about that guy? I mean, sure he's cute and all, but no guy is worth this much trouble. They all just want the same things we want. What's so special about him? MIHOSHI: Uh... MINMEI: Well, not all guys are the same, of course. But, come on! (chuckling again) You aren't all really in love with him, are you? MIHOSHI: Well-- MINMEI: What is he, like a god or something? I know--you all just like the shy, mysterious type. I'm sorry, I'm just going on and on... You must be terribly bored by all this! Here I am, just chattering away! MIHOSHI: Uh... 18 INT. RYOKO'S BEDROOM Ryoko is sitting on her bed, considering a drink. She gulps it back and flinches. Tenchi enters. TENCHI: Hey Ryoko, you busy? RYOKO: (grimly amused) I just have some music stuck in my head, Tenchi. You know, Earth songs are all very pretty, but they're all about love--being in love, the joy of love, the insanity of love, losing love, how painful it is to lose love, how much you'd do to get love back... It's like they're reading my mind... He nervously scratches his head. TENCHI: Uh, yeah. I figured you'd be in a bad mood, so I wasn't sure you would want to hear this... Ryoko teleports next to Tenchi at the door. RYOKO: What? Did that dirty old man tell you anything about me? TENCHI: Huh? Oh, no. He just said to give you this-- (holding out the book) RYOKO: (taking the book) What is this? He thinks I want to be an alchemist? TENCHI: That's the idea, I think. He said there was some kind of arrangement. She considers the book. RYOKO: Tenchi, I really don't care about things like this. What kind of book just has one little trick in it? This is a really thick book-- TENCHI: (mildly amused) Well, it's your choice, Ryoko. If I were you, though, I'd love to be able to turn straw into gold. It seems just like the kind of thing you'd enjoy. Ryoko sets the book aside. RYOKO: You think so? TENCHI: Oh yeah. RYOKO: (reluctant) I guess it couldn't hurt to give it a try. 19 INT. LIBRARY Mihoshi is paling as Minmei continues to chatter away. MINMEI: It's none of my business, of course, but what do you think your chances are? I mean, let's be realistic. You think you have a better shot than Ayeka or Ryoko? Tenchi seemed to be hitting it off pretty well with Sasami, too. I know she's still pretty young, but she's going to grow up someday. If I were you, Mihoshi, I'd split like crazy. I mean, percentage-wise, you're at what? Ten, twenty, if that much? That's five-to-one odds against, huh? Everyone has a destiny, sure, but you think your destiny is luckier than Ryoko's? I mean, wow! Mathematically, it's just so silly! MIHOSHI: (stunned) Would you please shut up? I'm trying to think... MINMEI: (wistful) Sorry, but you've got to admit it's curious. I mean, I'm really confused. Not that I'm any big expert. I've been around the block a few times, but what do I know about real fixation? You're really hung up on this guy, right? Mihoshi flees the room. MIHOSHI: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! MINMEI: (somewhat remorseful) Hey! What did I say? 21 INT. TENCHI'S BEDROOM Tenchi is drawing at his desk. He hears a slight knock and turns. The door opens for Minmei. MINMEI: Hey Tenchi, it's just me. TENCHI: Oh, hey. What's up? MINMEI: Is it just me, or is everyone really weird? I keep trying to start a simple conversation, and they all freak out on me. TENCHI: What do you mean? MINMEI: You mind if I come in? This is so awkward... TENCHI: (chuckling nervously) Oh, it's okay. Sorry I didn't invite you in. Minmei enters. MINMEI: Thanks. I was beginning to worry that they were rubbing off on you. I mean, I've always known Ayeka was nuts, but she's my friend. She's a nice kind of crazy, you know? TENCHI: (amused) Yeah. MINMEI: She can get downright vicious at times, but she has lots of charm. That goes a long way, for me. TENCHI: I notice that you're not one to be shy-- MINMEI: (smiling sheepishly) Well, you should see me and Ayeka at the palace. Whew! I can never get a word in, edgewise! Around here, it's just so quiet. I love it, here. TENCHI: I'm just trying to imagine what it must be like. MINMEI: (frowning) Oh, you'd never fit in there, Tenchi. I mean, besides being from Earth--which is still pretty much frowned on--I think you'd really hate how elaborate and exhausting they can be there. You know how Ayeka likes to be so formal. They're all like that there--even lackeys and hangers-on like me. TENCHI: You seem pretty casual. I can't imagine why anyone here would have trouble talking to you, Minmei. What's got everyone else so freaked out? MINMEI: Well, Sasami just glared at me and said that I'm rude. Ayeka thought I was cracking jokes, and Mihoshi just looked at me like I had the plague or something. I have no idea what's wrong with them. TENCHI: What about Ryoko? MINMEI: Hmm... To tell you the truth, Tenchi, I can't quite work up the courage to talk to her. I'm really worried she'll do something nasty to me. TENCHI: (smiling casually) I see. Well, you can always talk to me, Minmei. I'm very easy-going. As long as you don't do anything crazy, I won't mind. MINMEI: (obviously relieved) That's super. I really want to have some fun, too. I'm always the one who has to round up guys, though. Ayeka is too proud for that kind of thing. I have a knack for it. Guys just follow me around everywhere. I hope I'm not embarrassing you. TENCHI: No. Actually, it's nice to meet someone who seems perfectly normal, for a change. MINMEI: Wow! Here, I'm normal. I'm going to have so much fun. This is great! TENCHI: Uh... As long as you're here, you mind if I ask you something? MINMEI: No, I don't mind. He holds up some artwork. TENCHI: What do you think of this? MINMEI: Hey, that's really good. I like that. TENCHI: You think so? MINMEI: Oh yeah. I just love all that detail--the smile on that kid's face looks just perfect. Just a hint of smugness without seeming too impertinent. TENCHI: Okay. What about this one? (he flips to another page) MINMEI: Oh, that one's good too. I love the way you hold the image just before the throw, suggesting the action. That's a stroke of genius. TENCHI: Now, you're just being flattering. MINMEI: No way. It's brilliant. TENCHI: All right. What about this one? MINMEI: Well, that one's good too. You must have put a lot of work into all that. Tenchi frowns. MINMEI: (concerned) What? TENCHI: (wistfully casual) Sorry, but you're not much help to me. I'm stagnating. I just can't change. I never do anything original, anymore. Are you sure you didn't see it? Minmei shrugs. 22 INT. HALLWAY (Tenchi's bedroom door) Ayeka pulls back from the door, frowning. AYEKA: (to herself) Oh, this is just intolerable. We really must do something about this girl at once. 23 EXT. MASAKI HOUSE The middle of the night. 24 INT. MAIN HALL The darkness is lit by a dim circle of light, dancing across the floor. Minmei is asleep on the sofa. She murmurs and looks up, a little surprised. MINMEI: What--? Ayeka is holding a small light. She leans over Minmei, making a quieting gesture. AYEKA: (whispering) We mustn't awake the young one. Ayeka is flanked by two silhouettes. One of them emerges--Ryoko. AYEKA: (softly) Minmei, I don't believe you have yet been introduced to my good friend. Ryoko, please meet Minmei, an old friend of mine from the Royal Palace of Jurai. RYOKO: (grim) The pleasure is mine, I'm sure. The other figure emerges slightly--Mihoshi. Mihoshi looks very angry. Minmei sits up. MINMEI: (very nervous) Oh, hello. Excuse me for not introducing myself. AYEKA: (seemingly amused) No, no. The fault was all mine. In my haste to make you comfortable, I believe I may have overlooked a few details. We shall soon remedy this, won't we Ryoko? RYOKO: (scowling) We can be very curious, but we are anything but impolite. MIHOSHI: (frowning sagely) We don't take our good friends lightly. Minmei tries to stand. Ryoko appears behind her and makes her sit back down. MINMEI: (chuckling) Whoa! I'm getting a really creepy vibe here. Ayeka grins, as Mihoshi glowers and Ryoko floats above Minmei, looking a bit irritated. 25 EXT. MASAKI HOUSE Early morning. 26 INT. MAIN HALL (table) Ayeka sits at the table, drinking some tea. Sasami enters and looks around. SASAMI: Hey Sis, have you seen Minmei? AYEKA: Good morning, Sasami. No--I believe she had an unexpected appointment last night. SASAMI: Oh! Is she all right? AYEKA: (very composed) She'll be quite all right, Sasami. I doubt we shall see her again, though. SASAMI: (sighing) That's a relief. No offense, Ayeka, but Minmei was really getting on my nerves. Ayeka looks very content with herself. 27 EXT. FLOATING ONSEN 28 INT. POOL Tenchi sits above Ryoko. Tenchi has his arms folded and Ryoko is sitting in the pool. RYOKO: You sure I'm not a bother, Tenchi? TENCHI: There's nothing we don't know about each other, Ryoko. I don't see the point in getting annoyed, anymore. She rolls her eyes. TENCHI: (frowning) What happened to that girl, Minmei? RYOKO: (smirking) You know, I thought she might be a pest, but once I got to know her better she turned out to be a real sweetheart. She had a transport waiting and everything. (a little grim) We just made sure she was on it. TENCHI: (a little alarmed) We? Ryoko looks around at Tenchi. RYOKO: It's so nice that you care about me, Tenchi. I promise I'll make it up to you, someday. TENCHI: How are you going to do that? RYOKO: Oh, I'll think of something. She holds out her left hand. A shimmering line of white light appears above her hand. RYOKO: You see? I'm learning already. Tenchi looks on curiously. TENCHI: What's that? RYOKO: This is the elemental tool of the alchemist's apprentice, Tenchi. It's a dimensional blade. From this, all other things in alchemy are born. At least, that's what the book says. TENCHI: It doesn't look that impressive to me. Tenchi gasps sharply and covers his mouth. RYOKO: Catch! Tenchi flinches as Ryoko's ear lands right in front of him. He stands shakily and runs out the door. Ryoko covers the side of her head with her hand. RYOKO: (chuckling) Silly boy! I can always just grow it back. Hmm... Ayeka was right. I think that van Gogh guy was on to something. THE END