Author: Mike Fenton Title: AFS #12 (DISASTER SILLINESS) Notes: Regular (OVA), script format Summary: One disaster after another... [Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo! and its characters are the property of AIC and Pioneer LDC, Inc. and was created by Masaki Kajishima. This story comes entirely from my imagination, and is strictly intended to be apocryphal--so please don't sue me.] 1 EXT. EARTH A missile heads toward Earth, correcting its trajectory, then ejecting the rocket portion. 2 EXT. SKY A pair of meteors streak across the sky--one disappears, the other strikes the ground (making a long, large crater). 3 EXT. NEARBY HILLSIDE A pair of figures are standing, looking at the crater. The first figure is Samantha, dressed in a hooded raincoat and thick gloves--hunched over a sketchbook. The second figure is Roger, an odd man who has a fondness for sunglasses and distracting people in strange ways. His hair is also light and reddish, but he has a rather blocky build --his demeanor evokes drowsy numbness and broody somberness, especially when standing next to Samantha. ROGER: Varoom! There you go, again. SAMANTHA: Hmm? ROGER: Drawing the old hand again, eh? SAMANTHA: You know it's reflex, Rog. Roger looks around casually, as if suddenly transfixed. ROGER: That's quite a hole. Maybe we should check this one out. SAMANTHA: (scowling) Roger darling, shut up. ROGER: (smirking) Heh. Whoa! Look at that... Samantha looks up, then turns the other way. She starts down the hill, as Roger continues to stare the other way. SAMANTHA: Come on, Roger. ROGER: On my way. Hmm... Samantha collects Roger by the arm and leads him the other way. 4 EXT. NEAR CRATER Azaka and Kamidake glide up to the edge of the crater, then disappear down into it. 5 EXT. MASAKI HOUSE Evening is approaching, as Azaka and Kamidake approach with a large case held between them in a magical sphere. 6 INT. MAIN HALL Ryoko and Tenchi are eating, along with Mihoshi, Ayeka, and Sasami. Noboyuki and Yosho are sitting at the sofa, drinking tea. NOBOYUKI: (casual) Sounds like fun. YOSHO: Huh? Are you hinting something? NOBOYUKI: No. You know me. I'm not the type to intrude. YOSHO: (unwavering in his outward calm) Of course. Tenchi may have reached the age of maturity, but he is still very young. NOBOYUKI: (frowning, glancing around at Tenchi) Prepubescent in terms of manliness. TENCHI: (a little upset) Hey! RYOKO: (laughing) He's got you there, Tenchi! YOSHO: (wryly amused) However, I don't believe he needs a chaperon--if that was what you were implying. Azaka and Kamidake enter with the case. NOBOYUKI: Me? A chaperon? (chuckling) Why, I'm young enough to need a chaperon, myself. Ayeka stifles a laugh, as she gets up to inspect the case. Ryoko doubles over in laughter, as Tenchi looks down at his food, a little nervous. AYEKA: I find the matter entirely absurd. I have quite enough maturity for all of us put together. AZAKA: Your Highness, this package from Jurai just arrived. AYEKA: Another--? Sasami gets up to help Ayeka, as Ryoko appears next to Ayeka. RYOKO: Mature? You? Now, that's funny! AYEKA: (rolling her eyes) Unlike a certain uncouth space pirate, I have very refined tastes. Sasami opens the case, taking a very gaudy outfit. SASAMI: Say, Ayeka, isn't this one of yours? Ayeka flinches in shock, as Yosho inspects the outfit over Ayeka's shoulder. YOSHO: Very flattering, I think. Ryoko face-faults, and Tenchi hides his face behind his hands. TENCHI: I'm surrounded by children. 7 TITLE: "EPISODE 12: DISASTER SILLINESS" 8 EXT. FRONT Tenchi is sitting by himself at the patio, arms folded and frowning. Noboyuki joins him, looking annoyed. NOBOYUKI: The old man hanging around? TENCHI: Uh... I don't think so. NOBOYUKI: That's good. Noboyuki takes out a bottle and drinks from it. NOBOYUKI: He doesn't look it, but he can really pack this stuff away. I've got to be careful. TENCHI: Thanks for the information. Noboyuki takes another drink, then scowls. NOBOYUKI: You know, Tenchi, you are young. You should be a little more appreciative. TENCHI: (geniunely puzzled) Excuse me? NOBOYUKI: (glaring at Tenchi) I envy you, boy. You know how long it took me to get women to notice me? TENCHI: (a little nervous again) Uh-- I don't know-- NOBOYUKI: (looks down, sadly) Neither do I. I was hoping you knew. Noboyuki chuckles and stands again. NOBOYUKI: Seriously, though, I thought my life was over, about your age. I got married and suddenly every woman I ever met was fawning all over me. TENCHI: Dad, are you sure you didn't dream it? NOBOYUKI: Oh, it's the truth, Tenchi. Trust me. (sighing) Then she passed away, and I couldn't so much as get the time of day. It's like a conspiracy. Women know things that men can only dream of. TENCHI: (very skeptical, but curious) Really? NOBOYUKI: (strangely determined) Yeah. I have this feeling that she's still hanging around, making sure I can't hit it off with anyone else, too. I tell you, Tenchi, women pull your strings if you let them. You've got to stand up for yourself, sometimes. Be a man! TENCHI: (leaning back, unconvinced) Sounds like a bad movie to me. NOBOYUKI: (undeterred) I often wonder what might have happened if I had just been a little more assertive. Yeah. That was what went wrong. I was too passive. Noboyuki turns and faces Tenchi, very seriously. NOBOYUKI: (softly) It is our duty as men to fight over these women. TENCHI: What? NOBOYUKI: You don't want them? TENCHI: You can have them. NOBOYUKI: (leaning closer) I don't think you understand, Tenchi. You see, these are women. TENCHI: (still puzzled) Yeah? NOBOYUKI: (a little annoyed) Women like to talk. They get the idea you don't want them, pretty soon, every woman is going to get that idea. You understand? Tenchi glares at Noboyuki for a moment, and Noboyuki backs off. TENCHI: No offense, Dad, but you can't fight me. NOBOYUKI: Yeah, you're right. TENCHI: You know I already had my heart set on Ryoko. NOBOYUKI: (chuckling) If you say so. TENCHI: Really. NOBOYUKI: You don't sound convinced. TENCHI: (a little introspective) Yeah, well... I'm not. NOBOYUKI: (still smiling) That's good. I always thought she had some wild infatuation with you. Now that it's worn off, she hates your guts. Am I right? TENCHI: (cringing) Gya! NOBOYUKI: (shaking his head) I am right! How about that? Well, Tenchi. You're going to have to grow up pretty fast to catch up with Ayeka. (winking) That is, if you're quicker than me. Tenchi stands and gestures threateningly, as Noboyuki backs off. TENCHI: What's that supposed to mean? NOBOYUKI: (chuckling) Oh, you're grown up now, Tenchi. You can figure it out. Noboyuki walks back into the house. TENCHI: Geez... I just can't see that. 9 INT. MAIN HALL Ayeka is sitting alone at the table, as Sasami enters-- Ryo-Ohki in humanoid form just behind. SASAMI: Did you like it? AYEKA: Yes, of course, Sasami. I've always said you have the most remarkable talent for cooking. SASAMI: (grinning) Well, that's nice, Ayeka, but it wasn't me who made dinner. AYEKA: (surprised) Hmm? Who did? SASAMI: (casual) Tenchi has been making supper for the past few weeks. You didn't notice? Ayeka gets up and glances across the room--where Yosho is sitting by himself, apparently reading a newspaper. AYEKA: He never spoke a word of it. Sasami stands next to Ayeka, as Ayeka continues to study the unmoving form of Yosho. SASAMI: Actually, he told me not to tell you. I'm a little embarrassed. Ayeka leans around and looks at Yosho's face. AYEKA: Strange... Sasami nervously glances at Ayeka. SASAMI: Ayeka? AYEKA: (pondering) Remarkable. Sasami, do you recall how calm our brother was just before he went off after Ryoko? Ayeka stands right next to Yosho, waving her hand in front of Yosho's face. Ryoko flickers and appears next to her, curious, as Sasami nervously slinks toward them. SASAMI: Uh... No. AYEKA: It's rather ominous, in fact. YOSHO: (glancing around) Excuse me. AYEKA: (pulling her hand away) Forgive me, Brother, but I was afraid for a moment that you had departed this world. Yosho turns calmly back to his paper. YOSHO: I'm busy reading. In a moment, I will return to my duties at the shrine. Ryoko appears transfixed. SASAMI: (a little bewildered) Uh... Ayeka? AYEKA: (turning) Yes? Sasami looks down, sighing. SASAMI: Nothing. Mihoshi enters and trips her way to the sofa. MIHOSHI: I'm sorry, but am I interrupting something? AYEKA: Remarkably disappointing. Don't you agree, Ryoko? RYOKO: I can't believe this sluggard actually beat me in battle, once upon a time. AYEKA: And many other more worthy foes. Ryoko glances at Ayeka angrily, and Ayeka smirks. Yosho looks up from his paper, casually peering around. Pan across the attentive faces of Ayeka, Mihoshi and Sasami, to Ryo-Ohki and Ryoko. Yosho calmly adjusts his glasses and glances around. YOSHO: Ah, look at the time... Ayeka sternly stares him down. AYEKA: Yosho, my brother, what are you up to? RYOKO: Yeah, Yosho. Out with it. What are you planning with Tenchi? YOSHO: What do you mean? AYEKA: (her most studious expression yet) I'm recalling a certain match you made some time ago. It was between Tenchi and Mihoshi. YOSHO: (a little annoyed) I wanted to spare you a little humiliation, Ayeka. It's not my fault they returned when they did. MIHOSHI: (shocked) Oh my! And you told me that it was just to cheer him up! RYOKO: (smug) Get over it, Mihoshi! Yosho here is a master of manipulation. He maneuvered both me and Ayeka, then tricked you into getting Tenchi out of the way. Who knows what he's got up his sleeves this time. Sasami folds her arms, as the others continue glaring at Yosho. SASAMI: I don't believe this! A few little innocent suggestions, and you make our brother out to be a monster. YOSHO: Exactly. Really, Ayeka. What could be the harm in a dinner and a show? AYEKA: Innocent, huh? I think not. It's the perfect opportunity for Yosho to stir up more trouble. Remember what happened last time? RYOKO: Hmm... MIHOSHI: Oh, yeah. Ryoko slept through it. AYEKA: (upset) I meant, the consequences. These arrangements put us in an awkward position. RYOKO: (smiling, slyly) You mean, they put you in an awkward position. Mihoshi starts chuckling. AYEKA: (almost furious) You see! It's already starting! I refuse to be treated like an inferior! Yosho stands and smiles. YOSHO: All right, Ayeka. You've found me out. This was the first step in another one of my elaborate plans to rule the galaxy through Tenchi. Ryoko snorts, as Ayeka clenches her fists. AYEKA: I knew it! You just cannot be serious! Everything you arrange is for your own amusement! What's it to be this time, Brother? Pistols at ten paces? YOSHO: Ayeka-- RYOKO: Oh, never mind! I don't care. You can go by yourself, if you really want. MIHOSHI: That goes for me, too! AYEKA: (a little perplexed) Uh-- YOSHO: (rolling his eyes) There you go. Problem solved. Goodnight, everyone. Ryoko and Mihoshi sulk, as Yosho leaves, and Sasami frets. SASAMI: But we aren't just going to waste two tickets, are we? AYEKA: What? MIHOSHI: I think Sasami wants a ticket. SASAMI: (gasping) No! I wouldn't dream of imposing. Not unless I were invited again, of course. Ryo-Ohki folds her arms and turns away. RYO-OHKI: Miya miya! Tenchi steps into the room from the entrance, looking around curiously. Mihoshi and Sasami instantly break out in grins, as the others continue to sulk--Ryo-Ohki looking a little uncertain about it. TENCHI: Oh, hi, everybody. I've brought a friend again. Tenchi looks back toward the entrance for a moment. TENCHI: Geez. I guess they're a little shy. MIHOSHI: Tenchi, who is it? The door to the entrance opens again. TENCHI: Well-- Oh, here they are. Samantha and Roger enter. Samantha looks around awkwardly, as Roger looks bored. SAMANTHA: Hello. SASAMI: Hey, it's Sammy! (gasping) Is that who I think it is? SAMANTHA: (bowing) Hello. This is Roger. ROGER: (a little hesitant) Sumimasen. SAMANTHA: (grinning) I've taught him all the Japanese he'll ever need! What a remarkable word, huh? TENCHI: (chuckling nervously) Hello, Roger. Nice to meet you. ROGER: (relieved) Oh, thanks! I hate it when nobody understands what you're saying. The others look on curiously, while Tenchi gestures. TENCHI: Sammy and Roger were visiting here, so they decided to come by and say hello. AYEKA: Nice to see you again. (to Roger) I believe we've met before? ROGER: (a little nervous) I don't think so. AYEKA: Oh, yes. The one hiding in the bushes. I thought the sunglasses looked familiar. Roger takes off his sunglasses, somewhat sheepish. TENCHI: (chuckling) Anyway, they just got into town. They were at a geologists' convention. Is that right? SAMANTHA: (casual) Yes. Roger has an interest in things of that nature. Ryoko walks up to them, casually appraising for a moment. TENCHI: Oh, and this is Ryoko. RYOKO: You have an interest in theater? SAMANTHA: Huh? Well, it's not really my thing, but Roger is always quoting Shakespeare. Really. I can't take him anywhere. RYOKO: (very casual) We have an extra pair of tickets if you're interested. SAMANTHA: (a little disbelieving) You're having me on, right? TENCHI: (confused) Extra tickets? What's up? RYOKO: (smiling) No, I'm serious. They're all yours if you like. MIHOSHI: (about to say something) Uh-- SAMANTHA: (pondering, a little unsure) I'm grateful for the offer, but I'd have to discuss it with Roger, of course. Mihoshi and Ayeka stare at Ryoko--who glances around innocently, as Tenchi scratches his head. Samantha whispers to Roger for a few moments. AYEKA: Now, I'm suspicious. RYOKO: What? I thought you'd be thrilled. This will give you and Tenchi a perfect opportunity to double- date. TENCHI: Hey-- AYEKA: Exactly why I'm suspicious. RYOKO: Besides, who could turn down dinner and a show? Samantha turns and smiles in a strange way. SAMANTHA: Roger said if there's dinner involved, he'll take it. Tenchi glares at Ryoko, perplexed. TENCHI: There must have been a misunderstanding, here. 10 EXT. SKY A shooting star blazes across the night sky. 11 INT. LIBRARY Tenchi enters, holding a sketchpad. He discovers Ryoko reading, and hesitates for a moment, then sits nearby. Ayeka nudges Sasami--both of them are hiding behind a bookcase. TENCHI: You know, Ryoko, I really should do one of you. You're very pretty. RYOKO: You think so? TENCHI: Yeah. Tenchi opens up his sketchbook. He looks up in surprise, as Ryoko stops him. RYOKO: (wistful) I still think you're completely crazy. TENCHI: (blankly confused) Huh? RYOKO: (thinking) You realize what's happening? You're playing make-believe again. TENCHI: (smiling) Old habit... (chuckling) I really think you're pretty, though. Ayeka grimaces. RYOKO: (frowning) What am I, stupid? You want me to fall for all that again? TENCHI: (a little shocked) But-- RYOKO: (bristling) I lost my grip on my own reality because of you! You saw what happened. You didn't think for a moment that I was 'pretty.' Sasami is about to say something, then stops--a little overwhelmed. TENCHI: (suddenly filled with pity) Oh my god! Ryoko, you're still upset about that? Ryoko is furious. Tears in her eyes. RYOKO: Get away from me! Tenchi gets up and puts a hand on her shoulder. TENCHI: Like hell! I can't leave you like this. Ryoko gets up and pushes Tenchi back into the bookcase, right in front of Ayeka, then lets him go. RYOKO: You still don't realize what might have happened. Even if you were a freak like Ayeka or as dimwitted as Mihoshi, you'd deserve better! Why are you even still here?! Tenchi reels, confusion warring with shock. RYOKO: I may be destined to watch you die, but I'll be damned if I'll just sit here and let it happen. Tenchi breathes a sigh, grimacing. TENCHI: Ryoko, we all have these things happen to us. It doesn't mean anything! RYOKO: No? TENCHI: No. RYOKO: (brutally eloquent) Then I'll have to stop everyone from getting killed. From now on, no one will ever be murdered again! Do you hear me! Ayeka flinches with pity, and Tenchi trembles. RYOKO: (fierce and determined) Everyone, like me, who has already been murdered will just have to stay dead. Ryoko punches the books, and a few of them fall on Ayeka's head. Ryoko then flickers and vanishes. TENCHI: Wow. What a scene. Ayeka quietly catches her breath, as Sasami looks upward, worried. TENCHI: Poor Ryoko. A bright flash goes off outside, and a huge explosion shakes the house. 12 EXT. BOOK STORE One room is still lit in the upper floor. 13 INT. UPPER ROOM Roger is standing at the sink, brushing his teeth. He turns and glares at Samantha in disgust--who is casually tossing some articles of clothing about. ROGER: Senseless woman. SAMANTHA: That Ayeka is awfully thin. Don't you think? ROGER: (absently) Were you raised in a barn or did your parents accidentally confuse you with one of their pets? Samantha holds up a dress that is two sizes too small for her. SAMANTHA: Is this the kind of thing you would guess that she'd wear? ROGER: (muttering) I'm making someone pay for this. Samantha gestures at several dresses and long shirts thrown around on the floor. SAMANTHA: Does any of this make sense? Massive length, thin sleeves, wide neck, narrow waist-- ROGER: (sighing) The girl is a walking toothpick, my dear. What do you expect? SAMANTHA: But I just cannot make any use out of these things she gave me. Darling, maybe someone you know-- ROGER: (grunting) You have quite the imagination. SAMANTHA: (innocently surprised, smiling) My grandpa always told me it was my most flattering quality. ROGER: (spitting into the sink) Your grandpa didn't live with you, did he? SAMANTHA: (a little serious) Actually-- Roger turns, gesturing with the toothbrush in a dignified way. ROGER: Samantha, must you always make everything a conversation? SAMANTHA: (sullen) I'm very reserved, Roger. You know that. Anyway, my grandpa didn't exactly live with us. You could say that, since he spent a good deal of time at our house, but technically-- ROGER: (turning back to the sink) Yes, yes. I see your point. Samantha continues tossing clothes, as Roger starts to pick them back up. ROGER: I see you're finally coming out of the closet. SAMANTHA: (sarcastic) Oh, very funny. ROGER: Are you getting dressed to kill or just dressing to annoy? SAMANTHA: (flaring) Oh god! Why do you have to make everything I do into a joke?! ROGER: (chuckling) That's more like it. My dear, you become utterly unsufferable when you're trying to be serious. SAMANTHA: (frowning) 'Unsufferable?' Is that a word? Roger hugs Samantha for a moment, and Samantha gently pulls away. ROGER: What? SAMANTHA: Don't get too comfortable, Mister. ROGER: Why the cold shoulder, Samantha? Samantha glares at Roger for a moment. SAMANTHA: Since when did you suddenly develop an affinity for my feminine wiles? ROGER: Your what? SAMANTHA: Wiles. As opposed to the place wherein I grew. ROGER: (puzzling) It's just not like you to have such a thing, my dear. SAMANTHA: (a little angry) Exactly! So, keep your paws to yourself! Weirdo! 14 EXT. MASAKI HOUSE A rainy morning. 15 INT. KITCHEN Sasami is leaning on the counter, thinking, as Ryo-Ohki in cabbit form plays with her hair, like a cat with a string of yarn. SASAMI: What do you think, Ryo-Ohki? Explain things, or not? RYO-OHKI: Miya? SASAMI: (sighing) It isn't easy. I feel as if I could turn to ice. I wish I could, anyway. RYO-OHKI: (a little pensive) Miya... SASAMI: (flustered) It wouldn't be fair to Ryoko not to, but Tenchi always takes things so seriously, it wouldn't be fair to him if I did. RYO-OHKI: (sympathetic) Miya... SASAMI: (somber) I wish there was a way to explain things to Tenchi without having to upset him. Ryo-Ohki scampers around in front of Sasami and paws at her meaningfully. RYO-OHKI: Miya. Miya, Miya. SASAMI: Wow! Why didn't I think of that? Will you really, Ryo-Ohki? RYO-OHKI: (happily) Miya! Sasami picks up Ryo-Ohki and hugs her. SASAMI: Wait. I haven't explained it to you, yet. Ryoko appears next to Sasami, just behind her, looking cheerfully curious. RYOKO: Explain what? Sasami drops Ryo-Ohki, turns and faces Ryoko, chuckling sheepishly. SASAMI: Nothing! Ryoko briefly puts a hand on Sasami's head. RYOKO: You're such a kid! Silly, Sasami! I can always read Ryo-Ohki's memory, so whatever you explain to her, I'll just discover it, anyway. SASAMI: (a little shocked, still chuckling) Oh yeah, I forgot. That's convenient. Ryoko leaning down and glares at Sasami, straight in the eyes. RYOKO: Yes, it is. So, there's really no point in getting Ryo-Ohki involved. Why don't you just enlighten me? SASAMI: (very nervous) About what? Ryoko leaning a little closer, her eyes briefly flicker red. RYOKO: What's so unfair to me if you hide it? SASAMI: (trembling) Gah! RYOKO: (becoming very serious) You know, Sasami. If you're nice and you cooperate with me, I'm as sweet and gentle as Ryo-Ohki. But if you hold out on me, (scowling) fiery novas, galactic black holes, colliding neutron stars will seem calm compared to me. Sasami shrieks and pulls away, fleeing from the room. RYOKO: (casual) Did you see that, Ryo-Ohki? (snorting) She still swings her arms like a little girl. Ryoko starts laughing. 16 INT. MAIN HALL Tenchi is sitting at the table, working in his sketchbook, as Sasami runs out of the kitchen, weeping. TENCHI: Sasami? Is something wrong? Sasami stops and turns away, wiping her eyes. SASAMI: No. TENCHI: (annoyed) Come on. Is Ryoko taunting you again? SASAMI: (growing calm) No. TENCHI: (getting up) Ryoko-- I swear! She never grows up! Sasami turns and faces Tenchi, still a little upset. SASAMI: Tenchi, there's something I think you should know. TENCHI: (calm again) Oh? What is it? SASAMI: (fidgeting) It's about... Well, you know... (frustrated) Oh! Just forget it. It's nothing, really. Tenchi takes a step toward her, very curious, just a bright flash goes off. TENCHI: Not again-- The house trembles again as a thunderous explosion roars, shaking the walls. 17 EXT. BOOK STORE Several people pass by, carrying umbrellas. 18 INT. UPPER ROOM Roger is sitting at a portable computer, typing, as Samantha plays with an origami crane. SAMANTHA: Boom! More heat-seeking missiles on the way! ROGER: Samantha, please. I'm trying to work. SAMANTHA: (chuckling) I'll bet you didn't expect missiles under these wings. Roger stops typing, and turns to glare at Samantha. ROGER: My dear, if I don't finish this, then we shan't be able to have dinner with that nice young man. SAMANTHA: (casually perplexed) We shan't? Oh, how awful! Well, then, I'll behave like a good little girl. ROGER: (rolling his eyes) Oh, don't start that again! SAMANTHA: (feigning innocence) What? It is true, you know. I pick up after myself just fine-- ROGER: (muttering) She says, while standing knee- deep in clothes. SAMANTHA: (annoyed) But you always come along with your nit-picking and patronizing, and then you say something like, 'Oh, we shan't do this or that until I can get this done.' ROGER: (continues typing, grimacing) Patronizing? What an awful thing to say. Samantha holds the crane in front of Roger, as if letting the crane speak to him. SAMANTHA: It's that word, Roger. 'Shan't.' It's a dead give-away. Roger bats away the crane. ROGER: Then I shan't say that word, ever again. SAMANTHA: Good. Now, get back to work, for heaven's sake. We don't want to be late for our dinner date, do we? Roger sighs, a little dramatically. 19 EXT. CHINESE RESTAURANT The store front proclaims it "Koh-Ryo Hanten" (Rain Dragon Restaurant). Several people pass by out front, as the cloudy evening starts to grow dark. 20 INT. RESTAURANT Tenchi, Ayeka, Samantha, and Roger are sitting at a table filled with finished dishes--strangely silent. The room is busy, with several people walking here and there at any given moment. A few other conversations are buzzing in the background. AYEKA: (softly) Strange. I thought there would be more to it than this. Roger leans forward. ROGER: What did you say? SAMANTHA: It's all right, Roger. You wouldn't understand a word, anyway. (to Ayeka) Excuse me, but could you repeat that? AYEKA: (smirking) I said I hope you enjoyed those clothes. They don't seem to suit me. SAMANTHA: (casual) Oh. (turning to Tenchi) So, what's the show? An inexplicable hush falls over the room. TENCHI: It's called _The Demon of Rashoman._ I'm not entirely sure what it's about, though. It changes from year to year. SAMANTHA: Really? That's fascinating. AYEKA: Isn't it? I've never seen it, myself, but I've heard that there is a new musical number. SAMANTHA: Now, I can't wait. Roger mumbles to himself and stands. ROGER: Samantha, I'm going to wait outside. SAMANTHA: Anything wrong? ROGER: No, I just need a cigarette. Samantha seems casually reassured, as the buzz gets louder again. SAMANTHA: But, Darling, you don't smoke. Roger walks toward the door, already taking out a pack of cigarettes. TENCHI: (getting up) I think I'll go wait outside, too. AYEKA: (a little dismissive) Take your time, Lord Tenchi. Tenchi and Roger leave, as Ayeka and Samantha continue to sit at the table. AYEKA: The two of you seem to be a wonderful couple. SAMANTHA: Who? AYEKA: Roger and yourself, I meant. SAMANTHA: Oh. Well, if you say so. AYEKA: (frowning with thought) You seem to get along well enough. Are you not already married? SAMANTHA: (laughing) Married? Of course not! AYEKA: (a little disquieted) No? SAMANTHA: (chuckling, a little nervous) ... How should I put this? Roger and I are not exactly what you would call... lovers. Ayeka glances around, then leans forward. AYEKA: But you are to be married, no? SAMANTHA: Eventually, I guess. AYEKA: Are you not worried? SAMANTHA: About what? AYEKA: That you'll lose him. Samantha shrugs, casually disinterested. AYEKA: (cringing) Does this not upset you? SAMANTHA: (smiling) Why should it? What? Do you want him? Because, if you do, you can have him. AYEKA: (frowning again) Then why are you...? Oh, I see. Samantha seems a little confused. AYEKA: You do have a thing for Tenchi, don't you? Samantha grins, rolling her eyes. SAMANTHA: Silly me! 21 EXT. MASAKI HOUSE Thunder rumbles and lightning flashes in the distance, on an otherwise clear night. 22 INT. KITCHEN Sasami and Mihoshi are picking through some dishes, as Ryoko appears. RYOKO: (cheerful) Hey, everyone! Sasami and Mihoshi turn and glare at Ryoko. RYOKO: (innocently shocked) What's with the gloomy expressions? MIHOSHI: (sputtering) I don't believe you! You are so mean! SASAMI: (a little forlorn) It wasn't bad enough that you let Tenchi go alone with Ayeka and that other woman-- Mihoshi somehow manages an angry expression. MIHOSHI: Then you had to threaten Sasami! What did she ever do to you!? Ryoko is mostly unconcerned, a flicker of guilt. RYOKO: Oh, please! You know I was just playing around. Sasami looks up at Ryoko hopefully, as Mihoshi doubtfully scowls. SASAMI: Really? You weren't serious? RYOKO: Of course not! MIHOSHI: Hmph! Likely story. RYOKO: No. Really. You know I like you, Sasami. Hey, I know... Let's go have a picnic. MIHOSHI: (surprised) In this weather? At night? SASAMI: (delighted) Yeah! That's a good idea, Ryoko. I know just the place. 23 EXT. CHINESE RESTAURANT Roger lights up and blows a plume, as Tenchi goes upwind. ROGER: So, what's the story, here? TENCHI: Huh? ROGER: Is Ayeka your fiancee or just your friend? TENCHI: Oh. Well... Technically, she's just a friend. Tenchi is suddenly a little nervous. ROGER: Oh, so it's like that, is it? TENCHI: (pleasant) Don't get the wrong idea! We're close, but not... You know. ROGER: (slightly amused) You didn't look like you were... you know. Tenchi chuckles. Several people pass by, as Roger takes another drag. ROGER: Samantha has been looking forward to this show, but I cannot say that I am. I think it's going to be frightfully dull. TENCHI: Yeah? I thought you were a theater buff. ROGER: I am a devotee of the art, yes. I'm afraid my tastes are rather exclusive. TENCHI: Oh. Roger gestures with his cigarette. ROGER: Ordinarily, I enjoy a good show--even of the French variety--but this kabuki stuff is a complete mystery to me. TENCHI: (a little annoyed) It isn't that type of theater. ROGER: (skeptical) Really? TENCHI: (firm) I'm pretty sure. ROGER: (flicking away his cigarette) Samantha's going to be a little disappointed. She's a big theater buff, as well, and I think she's taken a bit of a liking to you. Tenchi is briefly confused, then a little surprised. TENCHI: That's... How do you figure that? Roger turns and begins counting with his fingers, as he explains. ROGER: Yes, let's use some deductive reasoning, shall we? Firstly, Samantha matriculates in France. We meet under suspicious circumstances that I later discover were orchestrated by her grandfather. I blissfully go along with some of her more eccentric ideas, because I assumed she was also from a wealthy family. Imagine my surprise! Tenchi chuckles nervously, as Roger continues. ROGER: She studies in Chicago, Seattle, and some awful place in Alaska. I think, all right--she's definitely a nut. Then I learn she enrolled in some school in Japan, and that made me very suspicious. I cannot help but notice, because the bills for these ventures are all in my family's name. After a little digging, I discover that she's dropped out of every school she ever enrolled in. Funny, but she spent at least a year-and-a-half here. I can't help but wonder why. TENCHI: (curious) Now that you mention it, it does seem strange. ROGER: (very stiff) I imagine it was all the more peculiar for her grandfather, because Samantha was not content to lay around anywhere. I did even more digging and discovered that she'd worked several small jobs here and there. Such tenacity, I think. And all for what? TENCHI: (pondering) Sounds perfectly normal to me. ROGER: (pleasant) But that is the facade, young man. You look at the whole pattern, and what do you see? TENCHI: (still not convinced) Well... ROGER: (assessing) She's built a studious facade around this strange ambition of hers to live here. I couldn't help but see the pattern, myself. I know her quite well, and this isn't the first time. She specializes in constructing fanciful illusions, after all. Tenchi is absorbed in thought, while Roger turns back to the restaurant, and gestures to Tenchi. ROGER: Don't worry about it, young man. I'm sure we'll sort it all out. In any case, Samantha is not an unpleasant person--unless you happen to be me. 24 EXT. FOREST PATH Ryoko is leading the way, with Sasami, Ryo-Ohki, and Mihoshi following. Mihoshi is carrying a small basket. MIHOSHI: Why am I the one carrying the basket? SASAMI: How much further is it? RYOKO: Another mile or so, I think. Another monstrous explosion goes off, roughly in the direction from which they came. MIHOSHI: (alerted) What's with all these explosions, lately? SASAMI: (casual) Some of them are care packages from Jurai. Some of them are part of the construction process for the new fortress entrance. RYOKO: (grimly amused) Some of them are pirates-- still making raids into the fortress. So, then they have to redesign the entrance, to compensate. SASAMI: (sullen) The guardians don't even bother standing near the entrance. MIHOSHI: (cheerful) Oh! I guess that explains why they were so happy to see me. 25 EXT. THEATER A large outdoor theater. One man dressed as a farmer does mock battle with a samurai, as another man sings of his tragic fortune. One man is singing about how he longs to be with the woman he loves, but she has fled from him. Ayeka, Tenchi, Roger, and Samantha are seated somewhat near the back--the seats are nearly all filled. TENCHI: I don't remember this part. SAMANTHA: (to Roger) Darling, could I switch with you? ROGER: (a little flustered) Switch seats? Isn't it rude to switch seats during a performance? Samantha gives Roger a very warm smile. SAMANTHA: Please. I'd get a much better view. ROGER: (grudgingly) Oh, all right. Roger and Samantha get up and switch seats. Ayeka notices that Samantha is next to Tenchi. AYEKA: Tenchi? TENCHI: (transfixed with the play) Hmm? AYEKA: (very nicely) I hate to bother you, but could you do me a favor? 26 EXT. NEARBY FOLIAGE Ryoko, Sasami, Ryo-Ohki, and Mihoshi are hiding behind a few bushes. Sasami is holding a pair of binoculars. Mihoshi and Ryo-Ohki are eating. Ryoko tries to grab the binoculars, but Sasami fiercely hangs onto them. SASAMI: I think I see them. RYOKO: (scowling) Let me have a look. Sasami hands over the binoculars. SASAMI: I wish I could be watching the show. Ryoko peers through the binoculars. RYOKO: Where are they? I don't see anything! Mihoshi looks through the basket. MIHOSHI: Sasami, where's the gratined snapper? Didn't you put it in with the rest? SASAMI: (looking back) Isn't it there? MIHOSHI: (irritated, shaking her head) I looked twice. No snapper. SASAMI: (gasping) Oh my god! 27 EXT. MASAKI HOUSE Yosho stands at the edge of the gate, watching as the last of the house burns to the ground. Azaka and Kamidake float up to him, and report. KAMIDAKE: Sir, we've found no sign of anyone. If they were inside when it went off-- YOSHO: No, I'm certain they weren't. Ryoko appears a moment later, and starts laughing. Yosho looks around, a little annoyed. YOSHO: What are you so happy about? Ryoko contains herself for a moment. RYOKO: Nothing. I just can't wait to see the look on their faces! (laughing hysterically) Yosho folds his arms. YOSHO: (VO) What a reaction! It must be reflex. THE END