Hi everyone!  This is Gitaro's agent, Erik (Number 5)!  I'm speaking on 
behalf of Gitaro to let you know a few things.  The interviews contained in
this Tenchi Extra (or Textra, as we like to call it) may contain things 
that would offend readers.

It may include things like SEX INNUENDOS, as well as BAD LANGUAGE, and
PERSONAL INFORMATION about GITARO and OTHERS that you may not want to hear.

We also try to BLEMISH OTHERS' REPUTATIONS by making up false things about
them.  Like Dav's foot odor.  Or his crying episodes during Boot Camp 
Church services.  Heh heh hehhh...heh hehh hehh.

Anyway, that's all.

Erik
Gitaro's Agent (Number 5)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEXTRA: SESSION 4
VICTIM: ALAN SARA

Gitaro:
	Hello everyone.  Welcome to another episode of Texra.  Recently, 
	we've switched sponsors, so I'd like to take a moment to advertise.

	Ahem.

	Gentle glide is now a gentler and easier glide than ever before.
	And for those with loose morals, we now offer gentle glide, extra 
	wide.

Crowd:
	OOOhhhhh!

Gitaro:
	(Grinning) Thank you.  Textra is filmed in front of a live studio
	audiance of unintelligent, ignorant morons.  

Crowd:
	(Cheering) Wooooh!  USA!  USA!

Gitaro:
	And now on with the show.

	I'd like to begin our show with my sincere thanks in your interest
	in the Culture Shock series.  If you've never read the Textra before,
	and are reading this one for the first time, there is an older 
	episode after this one.

	I do believe most of you have read it before, though.  So, again,
	I thank you.

Crowd:
	(Applauses.)

Gitaro:
	Our first guest is tonight is Alan Sara.  He comes from Illinois.

Alan:
	...no I don't.

Gitaro:
	Continuing, it has come to my attention that people from Illinois are
	more likely to develop self doubt, and skin cancer.

Alan:
	But... I'm not even from Illinois...

Gitaro:
	But the real issues tonight... are issues that are far more 
	important.

Alan:
	Are you pretending I'm not here?

Gitaro:
	Ladies and gentlemen, Alan! (holds hand out, 'presenting' Alan)

Alan:
	...
	...You're playing tricks with me, aren't you?

Gitaro:
	Are you mocking me?

Alan:
	No, I'm not.

Gitaro:
	Good.

Alan:
	Allright.

Gitaro:
	No problem then.

Alan:
	It's all good.

(A few hours pass.)

Gitaro:
	(Crying)

Alan:
	Look, I didn't even try to upset you... You invited me to your show,
	and now you're acting all crazy...

Gitaro:
	Can't you see?!  You're only hurting *yourself*!  <sniff>  The
	children, think of the children!

Family Shrink:
	The two of you are going to have to work out your problems with the
	attitude that things will get better.  Alan, could you consider being
	less hostile?

Alan:
	I didn't even do anything!

Gitaro:
	(crying)  I just don't understand... ...why?  ...why? <sniff>
	I mean, he's from Illinois, so of course he's going to be in 
	denial...

Alan:
	(sighs in frustration)

(A few hours pass)

Gitaro:
	Wow, I'm surprised things ever worked out between us.  I mean, you
	were so hostile for a while there.

Alan:
	Well, once I blatantly lied to you and said I really was from 
	Illinois, you suddenly became better, and that doctor-lady 
	dissapeared.

Gitaro:
	Well, it's come to my attention that you've had some questions about
	Culture Shock.  I've invited you to the show to hear them.
	
Alan:
	Are you a moron?  Are you reading from cue cards?  What's going on
	here?

	But... since we've finally gotten off of this lame Illinois thing,
	I guess I'll tell you.

Crowd:
	(Cheers)

Alan:
	(sighs with frustration)

	Well, *before* I met you in person just now, I thought it would 
	interest most people to know some things about you...  like you would
	prefer...

	...but I'm starting to change my mind.

Gitaro:
	Prefer?

Alan:
	You know, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Ayeka, or Ryoko?

Gitaro:
	I dont think I follow.

Alan:
	...
	...
	You know, like, in the sack.

Gitaro:
	I still don't understand.  Are you trying to suggest I can't have all
	four at once?

Crowd:
	(facefaults in unison)

Alan:
	...

Gitaro:
	Just kidding.  Well, as far as having sex with a cartoon character
	goes... I have a policy on that.

Alan:
	Yes?

Gitaro:
	I call it, AFAP, or as frequent as possible.  Usually it's 
	imaginary.

Alan:
	I'd imagine.

Gitaro:
	But I think I'd have to go with... uh... well, I suppose I would just
	take turns with each of them.  Although... if you're talking about
	not regretting it later, I would say Ryoko, Ayeka or Kiyone, because
	I need to be able to have a good conversation with a chick before
	I even think she's hot.

	Well, that's not entirely true... But... I mean...If they're really
	hot, you know, I can go ahead without... but stupidness in women is
	a real turnoff for me, you know?

	I think... uh... um...

Alan:
	You think this question is more than you can comprehend?

Gitaro:
	Pass!

Alan:
	Well, what about your *favorite* character?

Gitaro:
	Favorite...favorite..

	My favorite character would have to be... well, to be honest, I like
	all the characters, but when I first watched the show... I was into
	certain characters more than others, however... I mean, Ryoko is
	kinda cool... even though a lot of morons like her, too...

Alan:
	So you're a Ryoko-ite?

Gitaro:
	Well, not really.  Let's just say I wish I had a cave in my backyard,
	from which I could revive a cute Mummy.

Alan:
	Very well.

Gitaro:
	But I think Tenchi's kinda cool too.  It's cool to piss him off with
	Americans.

Alan:
	Allright, already.

Gitaro:
	Anything else?  I'm feeling confident in my question answering today!

Alan:
	Hmm... Did these questions have to be about Culture Shock?

Gitaro:
	What other questions did you have...?

Alan:
	XBox, or PS2?

Gitaro:
	I think I would go with...PS2, merely because I've never played XBox.

Alan:
	Ok, (reading from a card) If you were stuck on a deserted Island with
	five people, who would you take?

Gitaro:
	Wow, talk about personal.  I think I would take... my ex-girlfriend
	<   >*, and the other four wouldn't matter.  They could be whoever.
	Maybe a bunch of stupid people for us to eat when we run out of food.

	(*Name edited for privacy)

Alan:
	That's almost strange...coming from you...

Gitaro:
	(glares at Alan)

Alan:
	What?

Gitaro:
	Anything else?

Alan:
	Yes.  One last one.  Just where is Culture Shock going, anyway?

Gitaro:
	Well, first of all... I'm going to, uh... See, Ryoko and Tenchi are
	really... Bryan and Washu actually met back...

	To tell you the truth, I completely and totally forgot what I was
	trying to do when I started writing it.  I started with all these
	ideas while I was still a civilian, and they've been thrown around
	in my brain *so* much that I can't really say what I'm trying to do.

	I can't tell you guys the ending, but I at least know I'm trying to
	get to the ending.  It'll end someday!

	I just don't know how.

Alan:
	Is that... a good thing?

Gitaro:
	I don't really know.

Alan:
	So... this is a waste of time.

Gitaro:
	Of course not.  Neither you or I have lost any time during all of 
	this.  The only people that could possible be angry with you or me
	are the audiance, and *they're* complete morons!

Crowd:
	(Cheers)

Gitaro:
	Well, them and the morons that might be reading this.

Alan:
	Word.

Gitaro & Alan:
	(point at YOU and start laughing.)  AAAAAHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEXTRA: SESSION 5
VICTIM: DARK JETZER

Gitaro:
	We will return to our regularly scheduled program after I make a 
	brief statement on the bahalf of my long time enemy...Mavner 
	Dollidon (Name changed to protect the guilty).

	He wishes everyone a good day.  And that I die.  Thank you.

Crowd:
	Yeeeaaah!  Die Gitaro, die!  Die Gitaro, die!

Gitaro:
	(begins sweating)...I knew I should've hat those pat-downs at the 
	entrance to the studio before the show started...

	However, continuing... Here with us still is Alan Sara;

Alan:
	Hello.

Gitaro:
	Who has, since entering the studio become infested with a rash
	...on his feet.

Alan:
	...what?

Gitaro:
	In fact it's beginning to fester and ooze puss as we speak.

Alan:
	I DO NOT HAVE A RASH!

Gitaro:
	I'd also like to take this opportunity to tell everyone who our 
	next guest will be.  He's a dark soul, from the depths of hades.

Alan:
	You're doing it again!  You're pretending I'm not here!

Gitaro
	Introducing... Dark Jetzer.

(The studio gets real dark, and bright lights start flashing all around the
audiance.  Dark Jetzer runs out in skin tight pink leather pants, and a
black T-shirt with the sleeves cut out.)

Backround music:

	Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a...
	Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a...
	Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a...
	...CAGE!

(Backround music fades out, and the lights fade back on as Dark Jetzer 
takes his seat.)

Alan:
	What the hell!  How come *I* didn't get a song?

Gitaro:
	What's up, DJ!
	(Gitaro holds his hand up for a high five)

Dark Jetzer:
	What's up Git-aro!
	(High fives Gitaro)

Gitaro:
	So what have you been up to?

Dark Jetzer:
	Well, besides my life, not too much.  Chillin' in some chat rooms,
	with our buddies <   >, <   > and <   > at #<   >.*

(*Edited for our privacy.)

Alan:
	Just how long have you guys known each other anyway?

Gitaro & Dark Jetzer:
	We only met a few weeks ago, really.

Alan:
	What the hell!  I've known you for almost a year now!  How come I
	didn't get any cool shit!?

Gitaro:
	(to DJ) He's from Illinois.

DJ:
	Sorry to hear that, man.

Alan:
	I AM NOT FROM FUCKING ILLINOIS!

Gitaro:
	Well, welcome to the Show, Dark.  Feel free to anything you see 
	around here.  After all, it's not like I paid for any of it *myself*.

DJ:
	I think I will.  (Takes a pen)  Heh heh heh.

Alan:
	I give up.  I just give up.

Gitaro:
	So, what have you for me, Dark Jetzer?  I want to hear your questions
	for me.  I have some for all of you, but I'm waiting till everyone
	is here.

Alan:
	Everyone?

Gitaro:
	Everyone.

DJ:
	Well, I did have a few questions, yes.

	First of all, what's up with the two Tenchi thing?

Gitaro:
	Ah yes... the two Tenchi thing.  To tell you the truth, that was so
	long ago, that I honestly don't remember why I did it.  However, I
	can infer from what I know about me, as a person, as to why I might
	have done it.

	I think I was trying to go for a scenario that led Tenchi to have 
	something going on with both Ayeka *and* Ryoko at the same time.

DJ:
	You sure it wasn't just cuz you were too lazy to decide then what
	you were going to do?

Crowd:
	(Murmurs)

Gitaro:
	Silence, infidels!

Crowd:
	(Gets quiet)

Gitaro:
	Ahem.

	No, no, it's nothing like that.  I wanted to get Space Tenchi to 
	start wondering what Ayeka is doing, and getting closer in his 
	distance from Ayeka *to* Ayeka.  And the same for earth Tenchi and
	Ryoko.

	Eventually he'll be put back in one body, and he'll have both 
	memories in one mind.  It'll be kinda wierd, though, I think.  
	Because the one that went to space is the one that is tested to his
	limits by both Bryan and his circumstances, both mentally and 
	physically.

	The one on Earth will be in relative comfort, aside from some of the
	other drama stuff I'll be adding to his life.

DJ:
	Neat.

Alan:
	It's weird.  You were talking a lot, but I don't think you answered
	anything at all.

Gitaro:
	(Grins)

DJ:
	What about with Washu acting differently in the past?

Gitaro:
	Acting differently?

DJ:
	Well, I should probably reread Chapter 7, but in the brief moments
	we saw her in the past, she seemed kind of... regal, or mysterious.

Gitaro:
	Oh, right.

	(Grins)

	Basically it comes down to this:  The three clans I made up for the
	story; the Cleavi, the Falsi, and the Jurai.  Well, I only made the
	first two, really.

	Each are ruled by a goddess, which determines the... uh... powers (?)
	of each race.

	I basically determined that the Jurai race would be the race of
	power, the Falsi of knowlege, and the Cleavi of time (and thereby
	alternate dimensions, which might or might not matter in this fic).

	I'm pretending that 20,000 years ago, Washu decided she could use
	her intellect to outdo her sisters, and decided to lose a good most
	of her Goddesshood.

	Now, 6,000 years prior to the Tenchi show, she's in charge of the
	Falsi Clan, working in guise as a liaison/queen for the Goddess Washu
	(since she's hardly a goddess anymore).  Tokimi leads the Cleavi as a
	sort of Queen, and Tsunami is Tsunami.

DJ:
	I see.

Gitaro:
	I'd like to explain it in detail, but there's not too much to say.
	I'd like to work it out in the story somehow, but it might become
	kindof boring.

DJ:
	Yeah, I don't know.  Good luck, though.

Gitaro:
	I'm just surprised I haven't killed anyone on the show yet.

DJ and Alan:
	(start sweating)

Gitaro:
	Don't worry, I'm a new man!  I don't kill anymore!

(The Crowd Chuckles)

Gitaro:
	Quiet, all of you!

	(Turning to Alan & DJ)  You guys didn't hear nothing!  I'm a new man!
	I'm free!  I have a contract that says I'm not crazy anymore!  I..
	I... Get away from me!

(Two men in lab coats start dragging Gitaro away)

DJ:
	That was sudden and uncalled for.

Alan:
	Word.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEXTRA: SESSION 6
VICTIM: INCANTRIX

Alan:
	Uno!

DJ:
	This goddamn game, with it's colorcoded cards!  I only see black and
	different shades of grey!

Gitaro:
	MMMPH!

DJ:
	Gitaro, they told us you weren't to be untied until the drugs started
	to take their toll.  Once your eyes are completely bloodshot, we
	can let you go.

Gitaro:
	Mmmm..phfh pfhmfh pff.

DJ:
	Ok, ok.  I'll at least introduce the next guest.

Alan:
	Oh no you don't, it's my turn to take the spotlight!

	(Jumps in Gitaro's chair.)

	First of all, I'm not from Illinois.  I'm from...

Gitaro:
	MMMMMMPH!

Alan:
	Fine, it doesn't matter where, I'm from, but I *don't* have a rash.
	Nothing like it.  My feet are CLEAN.  CLEAN!

Gitaro:
	...

Alan:
	And it looks like the next guest is... (reads of a card)

	How the hell am I supposed to read this?  ...Is this Arabic?

DJ:
	Oh, I speak Arabic.  Let me read it.

Alan:
	You don't speak Arabic.

DJ:
	Yeah, you're right.

Abiz:
	But I do!

Alan & DJ:
	Where the hell did you come from?

Abiz:
	Move over.  Next on the list is a wanderer from a far off land.  He
	has participated in such things as proofreading for Gitaro, as well
	as talking to him in various chatrooms.

	Introducing... Incantrix, the destroyer of tiny worlds!

(The studio gets real dark, and Incantrix runs out, wearing a wife-beater
and loose fitting pants.  And a beanie.  Backround music can be heard.)

	WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!  WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO,
	WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!  WHO, WHO, WHO, WHO...

(Music fades out, and and the lights turn back on, revealing an angry
Incantrix.)

Incantrix:
	Who the hell picked out *these* clothes?  What am I, a thug?

DJ:
	At least *you're* not dressed like a fag.

Alan:
	I know, DJ.  Your pants *are* a little flambouyant...

DJ:
	I was talking about *you*.

Alan:
	WHAT?!

DJ:
	I mean, what kind of clothes are those?  You've got that *too* normal
	to be JUST normal look.  Are you normal, man?

Alan:
	Of course I'm a normal!  What the hell are you getting at?!

DJ:
	Oh, I.. uh... well... Hey!  Look at Gitaro's eyes!  He's cashed!  We 
	can untie him now!

Abiz:
	Oh god, this is terrible... I'm leaving, everyone.

Crowd:
	Goodbye Abiz!

Gitaro:
	You all are fairies of kindness... such pretty wings...  You freed me
	from the clutches of Mordor!

Incantrix:
	...
	...What the hell did I miss?

Alan:
	A very bad attempt at a Tenchi extra.

Gitaro:
	Ouch.  I may be cooked, but I still have feel..oh, a talking lampost!

Alan:
	I am not a lampost!

Gitaro:
	(Staggering to his seat, Gitaro sits down, and leans far far back.)

	Well, Incantrix, since I can't really answer your questions, we'll
	have the lampost do it.

Alan:
	I am a talking piece of furniture.  I know all.

Incantrix:
	Ok...

	...for some reason I have the feeling something bad will happen if
	I don't.

	(Looks around)

	So where is Tenchi right now?  It's some messed up Jurai ship if it
	*is* one.

Alan:
	I am furniture.  I talk good.

Gitaro:
	That's rude, lampy... I just...<gack!>

(Alan starts strangling Gitaro)

Alan:
	That's the last straw!  You can't do this to me!  I don't get 
	anything!  This is nothing but a big joke to you!

Crowd:
	Jerry!  Jerry!  Jerry!

Gitaro:
	<Cough!> <Cough!>  Ouch!  Ahh!  I take it back!  I'm an asshole!  I
	am scum!  <Cough!> <Hack!>

Alan:
	(letting go suddenly)
	Oh my god!  I can't believe I just did that!

DJ:
	You get used to it after hanging out with Gitaro...

Gitaro:
	Wow, that got me sober..

	...oh wait, no it didn't.

	(Gitaro turns to a plant) To answer your question, Incantrix, yes,
	he's on a Jurai ship, but it's in the past.  They have confused 
	Tenchi for being involved with the Cleavi, and have imprisoned him
	such.  After all, he was on a Cleavi escape pod.

	As far as the journal thing goes, it's just a story experiment I was
	thinking of.  I wanted to tell a part of it through a journal, but
	I couldn't find a real way of doing it.  So now I'm stuck with a
	semi-useless idea I had, but can't just erase because I've already 
	used it in a chapter.

Incantrix:
	I'm over here, Gitaro.

Gitaro:
	I.. HOLY SHIT!  Don't scare me like that!

Incantrix:  -_-

	Then there's the lady that Bryan is talking to during CH8.  Is she
	really Washu, or is it something different?

Gitaro:
	(Turning to the same plant again.)

	Well, basically, she is Washu.  I'm making up a small part of her
	past by ear, trying to make things work with the show, as well as
	what we know about her history.

	I'll try to get some sort of timeline figured out, showing what it is
	that I am thinking of.  We know Washu was at an Acadamy until she
	was imprisoned by Kagato.

	(Turning to a wall.)  Isn't that right?

	Well, anyway, I'm pretending that sometime around 4000BC she was
	involved in a war between three warring clans.  (This would be 6,000
	years before the show, or so.)  Um... I have a hazy idea of what I'm
	trying to talk about, but I also don't really remember the details.

	If anyone in the audiance thinks it's a good idea for me to make
	some sort of explanatory essay, Email me at Gitaro@msn.com.

	(Grins)

Crowd:
	Will do, Gitaro!

Incantrix:
	You're really wasted.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

TEXTRA: SESSION 7
VICTIM: FIREBIRD

(A few hours have passed, leaving Gitaro sober again.)

Gitaro:
	Welcome back ladies, and gentlemen.  I'm sorry to say I wasn't quite
	myself back there.  I also apologize to Alan, and Incantrix, for
	not being as hospitable as I could have been.

Alan:
	Thanks, man.

Incantrix:
	It's cool.

Gitaro:
	And it's ok if you wear pink pants.  If that's your lifestyle, no one
	has the right to take it away from you.

DJ:
	Hey!  *Your* show designers picked these out for me!

Gitaro:
	But really, this show is about diversity.  So it's O.K. to admit that
	you're different.  It's O.K., Dark Jetzer.

DJ:
	You can really go to hell now.

Gitaro:
	We have but one last guest on our little show tonight.  And finally,
	a female!

(Crowd Roars)

	She's a person I've known for a while, and am happy to say I don't
	know anything about.  She's real good at keeping her real identity a
	secret.

	She's a modern superhero.

	Ladies and gentlemen, FIREBIRD!

(Firebird walks out in a hot red dress, to the trippy tunes of acid jazz.)

Gitaro:
	Howdy Firebird.  You're lookin' on fire!

Firebird:
	That's because I am.  My father *was* a Pheonix, you know.

Gitaro:
	(turning to crowd) Hot!

	Here with us on the show still are Alan Sara, the Flawless Cowboy.

Alan:
	That's me.

Gitaro:
	As well as Dark Jetzer and Incantrix.

Trix & DJ:
	'Sup everyone.

Gitaro:
	And to remind everyone, Trix is just for kids.

Incantrix:
	What?  Are you trying to say I'm a pedophile?

Gitaro:
	You're the one who said it.  Not me.

Incantrix:
	Why I oughtta....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

We're sorry, Tenchi Extra is experiencing technical difficulties at this 
time.  If you will wait momentarily, the problem will be fixed.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incantrix:
	(standing on top of Gitaro's heap of a body)
	I am... King of the mountain!

Gitaro:
	Would you get off already?

Incantrix:
	Oh, sure.

Gitaro:
	So, you're the last guest on the show tonight, Firebird.  How does
	that make you feel?

Firebird:
	I feel about the same as I did a few minutes ago.

Gitaro:
	Hear that folks?  Unshakeable.

	Any questions for me regarding the fic?

Firebird:
	You're the one who invited me.  I just came here to steal stuff.

	I mean, um... no, no questions.

Gitaro:
	Great, that means I'm almost done writing all of this.  You wouldn't
	believe how hard it is to write... crap.

Alan, DJ, Incantrix, & Firebird:
	
	Word.

Gitaro:
	Allright.  I have questions for all of you.

	Aah, screw it.  That would take waay too much time.

	Let it be known, though, that I asked every one of these people if 
	they liked the Deftones.

	Only Alan did.  Therefore, Alan may leave first.

Alan:
	Woohoo!

	See you all later!

	(walks out of the studio)

Gitaro:
	The rest of you didn't even listen to them.  You know what this 
	means!

Crowd:
	Slosh fest!

Gitaro:
	That's right!  It's time for slosh fest, the part of the show where
	you get to throw anything; and I mean ANYTHING at the....

Crowd:
	Deftones haters!

DJ:
	Um... is this for real, Gitaro?

Gitaro:
	What's the special sauce today, Annie?

Annie, the gameshow host's assistant:
	Today it's a mixed blend, Gitaro!

Gitaro:
	Oh, how interesting.  What is it?

Annie:
	It's a mix of toddler pool water...

Gitaro:
	Ooh, urine!

Annie:
	As well as scum from feet.

Gitaro:
	That's right... *my* feet!

(Trix, DJ and Firebird sweat in unison)

	And you all remember what to do when I say the words 'Slosh Fest',
	right?

Crowd:
	Throw harder!

Gitaro:
	Yeah!

	Ready...3...2...1

	Sssssslllllllllllllllllloooooooo....

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

This function has been terminated because it has lost any redeeming value
whatsoever.  And while this doesn't work for television, it most certainly
does for Gitaro's writing.

I would like to apologize for those hurt this evening by Gitaro's words.

He means well, he's just... well... inept socially.

And as for Alan, Dark Jetzer, Incantrix and Firebird, he has nothing but
homie-luv for y'all.

At any rate, have a nice day everyone.

Annie.
Gitaro's Agent (Number 1)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------











OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD

Davner:	Well, It's that time again.

Cav:		Time for what?

Davner:	To review a fic, and this time, we're actually going to
		review a good one!

Cav:		Wait, wait.  That's not possible, there are no decent 
		fics left!

Davner:	Well you're wrong, I have personally found the best, most
		emotionally effective fic that is fair to every cast 
		member in every way!  It deserves three Tsunami's!

Cav:		(starts drooling)

Davner:	And it's name is....

Announcer:	WE INTERRUPT THIS CONVERSATION TO BRING YOU..... COMMENTS ON
		CULTURE SHOCK, WITH AUTHOR, GITARO!

Two Guys' Review Readers:
		Aaaaaaauugh!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------


	-INCOMING TRANSMISSION-

	Hey, how's everybody doing?

	(Glances around the room.)  Hey, this isn't Alcoholics Anonymous!
What the hell!

	(Gitaro's agent whispers something in his ear.)  Oh, oh.  Wait, *I*
have fans?

	Anyway,  If you've noticed by now, this isn't a chapter of Culture 
Shock.  These are some comments of mine, answers to questions that actual
readers have asked me and hopefully enough humor to keep you interested
in my fic while I'm gone.

	That's right, I'm going to be leaving.  Not permanently, but for
three months, while I'm in boot camp.  Try to get some extra hours of sleep
for me.  I'll be needing them.  As a matter of fact, eat some nice hot
home cooked meals for me, too.  And have sex for me (only if you would have
done so anyway).  But don't write my fic for me.  I can do that when I get 
back.

	Anywhoo, some of you may be wondering what exactly our crew is doing.
After all, there are 2 Tenchi's, some weird stuff, and other dingers (like
where the hell are Bryan and Tenchi now?!!) that leave you wondering
..... huh?

	So I have this spot to answer questions.  It will be updated every 
time I post another chapter (as long as I have something to post), and it
will tell you what's been going on.  Sortof.

-----------------------------------

Gitaro:	We'll be starting with some questions from a very cool dude,
		who will be writing an entire scene of my fic.  Meet guest
		writer, Stahlfaust!

Stahlfaust:	Woah.  Am I supposed to be feeling queasy like this?

Gitaro:	Uh, well that's just part of the computer-to-brain direct link
		thingy that Washu designed for me.  Uh, you're probably just
		not used to a 9 inch needle sticking into your head.

Stahlfaust:	Oh.  Well that explains everything.

Gitaro:	So, you have some questions for my fic, huh?

Stahlfaust:	Yeah.  You said that while you're gone, you want people to eat,
		sleep, and have *sex* for you?

Gitaro:	Ok, ok.  I'm not going to tell you people about my personal 
		life, except than I'll be leaving for a while.  I'm merely
		saying that if you're having sex already, have a couple minutes
		for my sake.  I'm not telling people to go around sleeping with
		everybody in my name.  K?

Stahlfaust:	K.

Gitaro:	Now, the questions.

Stahlfaust:	Yes, the questions.

Gitaro:	Ok, I'm going to be warning the readers now.  Stahlfaust knows
		a great deal more about my story than you probably do.  That's
		because he hacked into my computer, and stole all of my files.

Stahlfaust:	Not true.  I merely hired someone to do it *for* me.

Gitaro:	Right.  So, I can tell you now, you're going to be lost.  This
		will (hopefully) generate interest for you in the future 
		though.  Here goes.

Stahlfaust:	Ok, I thought that Tokimi was an extra-dimensional being.  What
		is she doing in the flesh?

Gitaro:	(He's reffering to the future chapters of my fic that I haven't
		written yet.)  Well, since this takes place in the past, I can
		make up what I want.  Essentially, I'm going to have her in
		her physical form during the war that Bryan and Tenchi get 
		involved with.  Later she dies.  When she does, she becomes
		extra-dimensional.  After all, nobody really knows what happens
		to a goddess when they die.

Stahlfaust:	Hey, that would work.  So what about Washu?  I thought that she
		was a goddess/sister of Tokimi 15,000 years ago, and was no
		longer one, having no memories of that.  Does she know that
		she's a goddess?

Gitaro:	Nice point.  Well, it's pretty open-ended.  The (OAV) series
		doesn't really anser that either way, to my knowlege.  So in my
		fic, she has full knowledge of her goddess status.  It might be
		that she removed her gems to prove that she could out-do her
		sisters without any help, so to speak.  Like a personal 
		Vendetta.  I'll be using that train of thought.

		She may not have her memory, but I think she knows about it.

Stahlfaust:	Allright.  On to question three:  Are the three goddesses' 
		clans on race divided, or three seperately created species?
		Are they basically the same genetically?

Gitaro:	I have them planned to be the same, genetically, with their
		culture and combat styles relating to their respective 
		goddesses.  They look different, the same way that black and
		white people look different here, but they *are* the same.

Stahlfaust:	Does Bryan actually *slow* time?  Or does he just speed himself
		up?  And, is this a Cleavi power, or a unique thing?

Gitaro:	Hmmm...  Originally I wanted Bryan to just speed himself up.
		This is a Cleavi Clan specialty, activated in each soldier by 
		Tokimi herself.  But this question did get me thinking.  I'm
		starting to get an idea... Bryan is a mutt of the three races 
		(as most earthlings are... but you'll find out about that :P),
		and so, odd repercussions should occur.  I'll leave this open
		ended for now.

Stahlfaust:	Allright, I see where you're going with this...

Gitaro:	Hmm... maybe I should change it just to keep you on you're toes
		:P

Stahlfaust:	Well, that's no fun.  What about the whole Tenchi clone thing?
		Is he just a clone, or will he be re-integrated?

Gitaro:	He'll be re-integrated.  One unique thing will be that the 
		Tenchi in space falls for Ryoko, while the one on Earth starts
		to have feelings for Ayeka.  Don't worry, I won't end this with
		a double marriage, or anything.  I also won't tell you who 
		really gets him, just yet.

Stahlfaust:	And I don't want you to.

Gitaro:	Um, reverse psychology doesn't work on me.

Stahlfaust:	Dammit!  Well, ok.

Gitaro:	Hey Stahlfaust.

Stahlfaust:	Yo.

Gitaro:	I hate to do this to you, but I have to get to the next guest,
		man!  I have to go to a commercial.  We have time for one last
		comment.

Stahlfaust:	Well, all I have to say is.... (looks behind Gitaro)  Hey, I 
		couldn't help but notice... is that an *elephant* rifle on that
		rack behind you?

Gitaro:	Um... (sweats nervously) no it's a uh... *garbage truck* 
		rifle... you know, them garbage trucks...  (winks at 
		Stahlfaust)

Stahlfaust:	Oh, yeah.  One of "those" rifles.  I got'cha.  (winks at 
		Gitaro) Can I check it out?

Gitaro:	Sure, man.  It's not loaded, and the safety's on.

Stahlfaust:	Dang, this thing's heavy!

GItaro:	It shouldn't be that heavy.... (Stahlfaust is peeking down the
		barrel)  unless..... it *is* loaded...

		{BANG!}

Gitaro:	Ugh....

Gitaro:	Um, cleanup crew!  Spill on the sofa aisle!

-----------------------------------

Gitaro:	Well, time for my next guest, the writer of a fanfiction that 
		is *new* (as of 11/15/2000), *and* is competeing with Aikan 
		Muyo in the fic voting booth.  This person is more famous than
		*me*, folks!  Here she is, HORSE_W_NO_NAME!

Kate:		Oh, just call me Kate.

Gitaro:	No problem.  So, you thought pretty highly of my fic, huh?

Kate:		Oh, yeah.  Consider me a fan.

Gitaro:	(Hands her a suitcase full of money)... Allright, on to the
		questions!

Kate:		Coolio!  First up, what was you're inspiration for using Native
		American Tribe names?

Gitaro:	I really have no idea.  I was just chilling one day, and 
		thought, 'you know, wouldn't it be cool if I somehow made my
		story revolve around the past of Jurai some how?'  It has to
		do with an old idea of trying to bring the cast to America,
		which I scrapped, because of the fic 'Tenchi goes to America'.
		I thought I was ruined.  But now I can use it again, thanks to
		my ingenious tactics.

Kate:		And they are pretty ingenious.  (Is handed another suitcase of
		money.)  Hey, another thing.  How many movies influenced your
		story.  One thing I clearly remembered was the 'Oh you know, 
		same shit different day.." quote.  It sounded rather 
		reminiscient of a line from 'Shawshank Redemption'.

Gitaro:	Hmm..  Never saw that movie.  I guess the only slight movie 
		steal was the Delorian, mainly for foreshadowing of some sort
		of time travel bit.  Most of my inspiration comes from...

		... what are you looking at?

Kate:		You... never... saw... Shawshank Redemption?

Gitaro:	Uh, no...

Kate:		(Frowns and shakes her head.)  Oh, Gitaro, you lost lost 
		soul...

Gitaro:	Um, can we focus on the questions?

Kate:		Right.  Can we the readers look forward to other surprises 
		about the human history or anatomy?  (i.e. the appendix)

Gitaro:	He he.  You hit the nail on the mark.  The 'organ' that Bryan
		had *was* his appendix, yes.  Other surprises include what I'm
		going to tie up with Bryan/Tenchi's excursion to the past.

		Let's just say that they inadvertantly create their own future.

Kate:		What about the history of Religion on Earth?  Are you going to
		address that?

Gitaro:	In one word, yes.  I'm not going to try to tie it in with 
		Jurai, though.  Not in any way.  I want the fic to leave 
		Religion completely open ended.  Some of the answers it has
		(although I would hope nobody takes it *that* seriously) for 
		the human race would leave religion to be seen as foolishness.

		I'm religious, so I want to keep it as open ended as I can.

Kate:		(Glances at her notes.)  Hey, these are all the quesions I 
		have.  Wow.

Gitaro:	What?  There's gotta be some mistake!

Kate:		No, this is all I had.

Gitaro:	Rats.  You don't suppose we could resort to firey lovemaking, 
		do you?

Kate:		Um.... no.

Gitaro:	Rats.  You know, you are a very attractive young lady...

Kate:		And you're an attractive young man.  I just don't think I...
		know you well enough to do that.

Gitaro:	Well, in that case, I have a question prepared for *you*.

Kate:		What's that?

Gitaro:	Can I have your phone number?

Kate:		Sure.  Ready?  It's 751-1111.

Gitaro:	Allright!  Cool.  I hope to be seeing more of you on the show.

Kate:		< I've got to get a new agent. >  Hey,  (looks behind Gitaro)
		Is that an Elephant Rifle behind you?

Gitaro:	...
		...
		... no.

Kate:		What about on the wall?  OMIGOSH!  That's an authentic Scottish
		Claymoore!

Gitaro:	< Oh, no. >  No, uh... it's plastic!

Kate:		(lunges at Gitaro)  Hey, quit holding back!  Lemme see!

Gitaro:	No!  You don't want to....!

		{Thwak!}{Click!}{Bang!}{Shhhuuuk!}

Gitaro:	...

		...

		...Man.  What are the chances, of a 5 foot sword falling off
		of a wall, triggering a gun while slicing someone's head off,
		only to have the bullet from the same gun knock the sword back
		into the person's gut as it fires, ricocheing into the head as
		it flies through the air?

		...

		...

		(glances at Kate's head.)  I really didn't think people would 
		end up dying on this show.

		(looks at the number she gave him.)  Hey, this is Pizza Hut's
		number!

-----------------------------------

Kenny:	(walks up to Gitaro's secretarial desk)  I'm here for my one 
		o'clock.

Gitaro:	Hey, it's Kenny, the Tic Tac Boy!

Kenny:	...

Gitaro:	What's wrong?

Kenny:	Just cuz that's my screenname doesn't mean you have to hark it
		everywhere...

Gitaro:	Nonsense!  Hey, I promise you won't die like my other two 
		guests, ok?

Kenny:	What do you mean, die?

Gitaro:	...nothing.  Really.

Kenny:	Ok.

Gitaro:	So, you've had some questions for my fic as well, haven't you?

Kenny:	Yeah, you know, I've been wondering... what was your 
		inspiration for this thing?  I mean, you've taken quite a few 
		unexpected leaps in the plot, and stuff.

Gitaro:	Well, to tell you the truth, music is my inspiration.  This fic
		in particular was heavily inspired by the Deftones newest 
		album, titled "White Pony".  It sounds fruity, but it's tight 
		as all hell.

Kenny:	...White Pony?

Gitaro:	Man, shut up already!

Kenny:	That's wierd.  You got inspiration for a fic from a music 
		album?

Gitaro:	Yeah.  A lot of the words tie in very nicely with the 
		situations that the gang in my fic will be running into.  Often
		I'll be listening to the song, and an idea based on the mood
		of the music, or the lyrics in the song will hit me.

Kenny:	That's pretty cool.

Gitaro:	I think so.

Kenny:	So who's your favorite band?

Gitaro:	Right now, it's Deftones.  I like them cuz their a lot 
		different than a lot of the crap bands coming out now.  They're
		not afraid to show emotion differently.

Kenny:	I guess.

Gitaro:	I'm also really into 'Facades' from 'Glassworks'.

Kenny:	???

Gitaro:	It's classical Music.  Also, I'm into Korn, Pantera, and 
		Slipknot.  (You should have been able to see that already, 
		though.)

Kenny:	Ah.  So what made you think about Bryan's specific character
		and personality?  He's not you're typical SI.

Gitaro:	Well, it started all while reading the 'Two Guys Review' page
		a while back.  I kept hearing about how they didn't like it
		when SI characters solved everybody's problems in less than a
		paragraph.  I believe it was the "Washu's new lab assisstant"
		review.

Kenny:	Yeah, that fic did kind of.... well let's just say it wasn't 
		the best fic out there.

Gitaro:	Right.  So anyway, I tried to visualize what would really 
		happen if *I* really did show up.  I figured my music would get
		on Tenchi's nerves, and that I would be a total slob.

Kenny:	Why's that?

Gitaro:	Basically, my music got on my German exchange student's nerves,
		and I really can be a slob.  I tried to point out my bad 
		traits.  I believe that's some of the reason I'm not all that
		typical.

Kenny:	You know, that makes sense.  Homer Simpson is loved by everyone
		not because he's superman, but because he's a complete dumbass.

Gitaro:	Something like that.  But basically Bryan is me.  I tried to
		put myself in the story and picture what would really happen in
		my mind.

Kenny:	The fight scene was pretty cool, too.

Gitaro:	Yeah, and to tell you the truth, Bryan's 'speed' thing isn't a
		'superpower' in the sense that he's not average.

Kenny:	What do you mean?

Gitaro:	I'm trying to make this fic say that all Earthlings are 
		descendants of marooned aliens from a war with Jurai.

Kenny:	Huh?

Gitaro:	Well, it'll make more sense later, but when Funaho tried to 
		kill Bryan (and there's a specific reason for that to be 
		explained in the future) it triggered an alien mechanism he 
		owns that was characteristic of the Clevians.  They were one
		of the participants in the war against Jurai.

Kenny:	.... so when does all this come up?

Gitaro:	Soon enough.  Chapters 7 or 8 will probably shed a lot of light
		on the subject.

Kenny:	Cool.  So are there going to be any other fics with Bryan in 
		them?

Gitaro:	Well, yes and no.  Of course this fic will have him, but 
		there's an AD (Alternate Dimension) fic based on TU (Tenchi 
		Universe) that Scott Craven is writing.  Or was writing.

Kenny:	I guess I'll check it out.

Gitaro:	(silently nods)  It has *a* person named Bryan.  He's a 
		different guy though.  He only acts just like the Bryan in my
		fic.  Also, he's associated with me in the sense that I'm 
		writing a lot of that fic, helping Roadog out.

Kenny:	That's pretty nice of you.

Gitaro:	Ain't it the truth!  Oh, and there will be a couple 'fun' 
		episodes of CS (Culture Shock) in the future, that have nothing
		to do with the plot.

Kenny:	Like what?

Gitaro:	I was thinking about a 'survivor' episode, where the *entire*
		gang from CS will be marooned on an island and have stupid 
		stuff happen.  Kindof like a survivor/Lord of Flies spoof.

Kenny:	What about a dark fic?  You ever going to write one of those?

Gitaro:	Well, kindof.  The fic that I'm helping Roadog write is pretty
		dark, if we can pull it off that way.  Basically, half the cast
		dies very gruesomely, at the hands of a clown masked villain.

Kenny:	Yeah, that has some dark potential going on there.

Gitaro:	Yea, a little...^_^  So, any more questions?

Kenny:	Yes, one last one.  How's my character coming along?

Gitaro:	... to tell you the truth, your character doesn't show up for
		a little while, yet.  And it is a pretty minor role.

Kenny:	What??!

Gitaro:	Hey, it's not *my* fault.  You didn't reply early enough.  All
		the good characters were already taken!

Kenny:	Well, I never.  You know.. hey, is that a Bufallo Rifle?

Gitaro:	(Pulls out his rifle once more.)  Ah, what the hell.

		{BANG!}

Gitaro:	You know he was going to die one way or another!  At least it's
		only a simulated world.

		(Gitaro's agent whispers something in his ear)

Gitaro:	What?!  This stupid machine!  You should have told me that they
		would die in the real world!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Announcer:	AND NOW BACK TO TWO GUYS' REVIEW!

Davner:	And that's that.

Cavis:	Definately.  This one deserves three Tsunami's.

Davner:	Agreed.  If you caught the name of this fic earlier, you 
		definately MUST read this.  It should honestly follow the OAV's
		because it's *that* good.

Cavis:	Mmm-Hmmm.  The definative of Tenchi Fanfiction.

Davner:	Three Tsunami's it is.  Now we will go and float in bliss 
		having read this fic.

Cavis:	I'll be commiting ritual suicide.  It was so beautiful that
		no moment in my future could possibly top it!!!

Davner:	I agree.  I'll commit suicide with you.

Cavis & Davner:
		HHORLKS!  (self-stabbing noises.)

		{In heaven}

Cavis:	Hey, we're *in* the fic!

Davner:	I knew it was *that* good!

	-THE END-