Because It's There By Ozelon Part 4: Ariel (It's a normal day in the Masaki house. Washu and Noboyuki are playing Tekken 3 on the PlayStation, Ayeka is reading something behind the kitchen counter, Tenchi is upgrading his energy sword in the lab, a Washu doll is in the corner constantly flipping on and off, Ryoko, Mihoshi and Yosho are watching Washu and Noboyuki, and Ryoko is having a coffee. Washu: Yes! I win again! (sings) I'm too sexy for this planet, too sexy- Noboyuki: Too sexy for who? Male Washus? That don't exist any more? Yosho: Shut up! Stop being Yoshimitsu anyway! Washu: Tell you what, you can be True Ogre. On account of you being $h!t. Nobyuki: I said, goddamit, shut up! Tenchi: (from downstairs) Shut up, you two! Mihoshi: Well that makes the score… umm… 94-0 to Washu today. Ryoko: But we'll all remember that memorable day when Noboyuki won a round. Mihoshi: When was that? No one told me. Noboyuki: Just shut the ?!@& up! PlayStation: Yoshimitsu WINS! Noboyuki: Shit! Sasami: Ah, god that feels good. Sweet ickle voice at door: Knock, knock! All but Sasami: Who the hell is that? Sasami: Oh, god… (Mihoshi opens the door and a ickle girl toddles in who's got the face of a 6 year old but is probably 16.) Sasami: Ariel?! Ariel: Yep! It's me, the most loveable thing on earth! Sasami: (whispers to others) Stay back! She's gonna use her special attack! Mihoshi: What has she got that we can't handle? (Draws hand blaster) Ariel: THIS! (A portal appears behind her) Tenchi: Ooh, real strong attack. Ooh! Ooh! I'm gonna die! Ariel: You will soon. (Yes! Tenchi! Dying! That happens a lot! In this fic!) (Barney the dinosaur steps out the portal) All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ooh, that's a loooong scream!) Barney: I love you,(interrupted by Tenchi driving his enery sword through his head (Tenchi? Sense? In my fanfic? With my reputation??)) you love me (interrupted by Mihoshi unsheathing her gun and firing a couple rounds into Barney's belly) we're just like-(Washu jumps on him and finishes him off) Barney: Aagh! (dies) All: Yeah! (Suddenly, the Bananas in Pyjamas jump out the portal and revive Barney) All: No! Bananas in pyjamas: They're bananas, in pyjamas, they're running down the stairs… Barney: I love you, you love me… (Everyone runs downstairs, leaving the fluffy bunch and Ariel upstairs) Tenchi: What the hell's goin' on up there? (Suddenly, the TV comes on.) Barney: I love you, you love me… Mihoshi: Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!!!!!! (Washu changes the channel very quickly) TV: And because we've been banned from showing the ShinRa Channel, or was that the Disney Channel, we have no other option but to show this- BAYWATCH RERUNS! Tenchi: Change the channel! Ayeka: No! Keep it on! (Sasami flicks over) TV: Annnnd now, heeere's your host, Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus Chri- (He stops) Washu: Iii'llll turn over. TV: And now, on the Anti-Barney, Bananas in Pajamas, and Ariel network, it's the Total Guide to obliterating the Barney, Ariel, and the Banananananananananas in Pajamamamamamas! All: Yah! Yah! TV: First, simply take a large rocket launcher. Tenchi: Ryoko, do we have a rocket launcher? Ryoko: (produces one from inside her... clothing) Yup. (Her breasts still appear the exact same size.) Tenchi: Ooooookay... TV: Now take a large rocket, and insert in the rocket launcher. Tenchi: (reaches inside Ryoko's... clothing, again) Righty, let's see what we got... a magnet, a ladder, a shotgun... 25 minutes later Tenchi: ...a photocopier, a lightsaber, aha! Gotcha! (He pulls a tac rocket out.) TV: (which waited for 25 minutes, because I wanted it to) Now, go upstairs, and fire the rocket launcher at Barney, the Bananas in Pyjamas, and Ariel! Tenchi: Okily-dokily! (He runs upstairs, and a loud explosion is heard. Tenchi's corpse is thrown downstairs) All but Ryoko and Ayeka: Yah! Yah! Tenchi's dead! Ayeka: Nooo! My boyfriend! Ryoko: Your boyfriend? He's mine, you fat ugly slutwhorebitch! Ayeka: We'll see about that! (slaps Ryoko, and the catfight commences) All: Yah! Fight! Mihoshi: Waste not, want not! (She dives in and starts randomly slapping, kicking and hair-pulling) Washu: Place your bets! Yosho: Now come on, be sensible. Noboyuki: I say 5000 gil on Ayeka! Washu: Hey! Tenchi: I put 10 grand on Ryoko! Kagato: (warps into air) Hello, I'm Kagato. I should be dead, but I'm not! Ahahahahaha! Do you see! I am God! Author's Voice: No, you're not. (Kagato disappears) Author: Hey Washu, I say 200,000 gil on Ryoko, at... 7-1. Washu: Done! (At that point, Ryoko whips a crowbar out her bra, and knocks the other two out cold) Tenchi: Woohoo! Author: Yeah! Noboyuki: Aw. (Boy, this fanfic is insane. Well, I don't care! I'm cast as an omnipotent being, so I'm fine with it!) Author: Hey, catch ya later. Ryoko: Hey, wait, Author. (sincerely) I know I'm not much, and (sad music plays in the background), well, you're a god and all, but, if it's not too much, then, can you revive Tenchi? I- I love him, after all... Author: I'll have to think about it... (pauses for 0.05 seconds) No. Do it yourself. You've got Tsunami watching your back, havent you? Sasami: I have. Author: Well, there you go. (he fades off.) Ryoko: Oh, thank you Sasami. Sasami: Hey, you're not doing that! Ryoko: What??? Sasami: Okay, let's have a vote. Who would like to see Tenchi revived? (Ryoko puts her hand up.) Sasami: I rest my case. Ryoko: Aw, go on. Sasami: Nnnnnnnnno. Ryoko: Go on, go on. Sasami: No, No. Ryoko: Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on. Sasami: N- Ryoko: Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, GO ON!!!!!!! Sasami: No, you bitch! The next day, at Sasami's funeral Tenchi: So how did she die again? Did she say "Ryoko is a bitch"? (Ryoko walks in, and sits down.) The next day, at Tenchi's funeral Author: Well, Ryoko's gone insane by killing the person she killed Sasami to save, and lots of people are dead. Well, that's another good fanfic for me! (He dematerialises, and everyone else does too.) On the author's personal dimension Washu: What the hell are we doing here? Author: You'll find out... next time, on Fantastic Fiction Time! (Everyone looks at him) Washu: We're not on TV. Author: ...they axed my show. They will DIE!!! The End PS Ariel, Barney, and the BiP's never died, but they self-destructed after their 'See only nice things' directive was destroyed when they all saw Tenchi'scorpse. ^_~ PSPS They never disappear from my terrestrial plane, at least not until after my next fic... PSPSPS Yeah PSPSPSPS Yeah! PSPSPSPSPS Why are you still reading this? Go and do something good, like... things. PSPSPSPSPSPS Let's see how long I can drag this on for... PSPSPSPSPSPSPS ..yes, I'm still going... PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPS ...and I think I'm gonna run out about... PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPS ...nnnnow. PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPS Okay, I'm gonna stop now. PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPS Honest. PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPS Who's still reading this? Who is insane enough? Well, me. PSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPSPS Right, that's it. THE END PS It really is, now.