I don't own Tenchi Muyo! If I did, I probably wouldn't subject them to the horrors I'm about to. They belong to Pioneer right now, despite the fact that Pioneer doesn't know its ass from a Froot Loop. Anyway, into the story! Oh yeah, when there's a > sign, that's me, the author, talking. Because It's There By Ozelon Part 1: In Which Everyone Facefaults >The usual Tenchi crew is sitting around a big wood table acting (and I use that term loosely) pissed. Kagato has magically been resurrected with the help of a pencil, a tin can, and a dead Duracell battery. Kagato: Hey author! We're pretty pissed! (told you, bad acting) >I know! I wrote that in already! I know why you're pissed too! Know how I know? Because I AM THE AUTHOR AND I KNOW ALL!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAA...cough...hack... sorry. Anyway, back to the story. Lightning and thunder boom overhead. Some lightning strikes a chair around the table. Then a big fish falls onto the chair, breaking it into lots of little pieces. Unfortunately, the seat that the lightning and fish hit was being occupied by Tenchi. And now, I have to start actually getting into the plot (or lack thererof) of this story without going off into some weird mumbling about nothing. I mean it's just...mumble...mumble...mumble...mumble...oops! Sorry. Ryoko: Hey! >What? Ryoko: We're tired of being at the author's mercy in every fanfic! We wanna write our own! >Are you crazy!? You know how much hatemail I'd get if I let you guys do that!!? Washu: We don't care! We wanna write our own damn fanfics! If you don't let us, we'll strike! Kagato: I could write a fic about taking over the world! (The crew glares at Kagato.) Mihoshi: My fanfic will be about Kiyone! >Now wait a minute! I never said... Noboyuki: Yeah! I'm gonna write about... Sasami: Don't say it! Noboyuki: My son's life experiences!! Tenchi: AAAHH!! Not that! ANYTHING but that! >SHUT UP!!!!!!! >Ok now, obviously we have a dilemma on our hands. So gimme a second to get...HEY! Who stole all my action figures! OK, which one of you has 'em!? I'm not going on with this fanfic until...oh, wait...here they are! Never mind. OK, now it's Spineless-Sexless-Ass-Energy Sword Tenchi action figure versus Evil Green-Caped Kagato action figure...oh. Umm...I seem to have gotten a bit off track. Tenchi: Why won't you let us? (Oh yeah, Tenchi woke up. Actually a long time ago, but I was too busy writing important things to notice.) >Because...umm...I said so! Washu: That's not a reason! >Yes it is because it's MY fanfic, and what I say, GOES!!! All: THAT DOES IT! (they all leave.) >Ooooook. Umm, everyone left. Now what? Hmm...maybe I'll tell a joke. Ok here goes. A priest, a mini...oh wait, Tenchi forgot to leave. Tenchi: Umm...where did everyone go? >Oh yeah, did I mention the fish left? The fish left. Tenchi: Hello? Anyone home? >They went that way. Tenchi: OK. Thanks. *SMACK* >Umm...the door's THAT way. OK, I'm out of ideas, so I'm going to whistle. >*whistle whistle whistle...* (4 days later...) All: My fanfic's done! >Ok lemme see...first up is Sasami...hmm...WHAT THE HELL!? Pink bunnies!? This isn't a fanfic, it's a children's story. OK, next is Washu. This one goes in the trash before I even start. Washu: Hey! You #)$&#^%)(&#$^%)$(%&^$@)%($^%)$%^)(%&^$)&(!!!! Ayeka: WOW! Little Washu! Such language! >I'm going to ignore that. Next is Ayeka. A lemon. An S&M lemon. I don't like the title, though. "Ayeka's S&M Fanfic" isn't very creative. Other than that, it's all right. Next is Tenchi's. This should be good. ........ *sweatdrop* Umm, Tenchi... it's blank. Oh well. Who's left? Who cares? I'm done! I made a decision! All your fanfics SUCK!!! My fanfic reigns SUPREME!!!! >HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA...sorry. OK, that's that then...what are you doing!? Ryoko: Making signs. >Why? Ayeka: We're going on strike! >WHAT!!? You can't! Umm...damn. Everyone left. Hmm. What to do...I know! I'll get my action figures out again! Kagato: Hey! >What? Kagato: My fanfic's done! Kagato: Ryoko: Is that even a phrase? How can you say ? Mihoshi: You just did. Ryoko: What? Oh no, I'm starting to think like Tenchi! Tenchi: Huh? >.....Huh? They're done? Oh OK, my turn! Anyway, at that moment, I decided to turn into an invisible duck and steal things and that sort of thing. Anyway, back to the so-called story. Oh yeah, lemme get out my action figures so I can act out everything they do. They're like voodoo dolls. Here, I'll throw the Tenchi doll into a wall. Tenchi: AAAAHH!!! *THUD* >Here goes Ayeka (who has conveniently made herself scarce in this fic due to extreme annoyance to the author)! Ayeka: ACK!! *THUD* >Now I think I'll drop a large paperweight on Washu! Washu: You better no...*SCHMACK* >Hmm...that's strange. It sounded bigger when I ordered it. Anyway, anyone else want to write their own fanfic? Hmm? Anyone? All: NO SIR!! >Alright then! Let's begin the story! End Part 1 - - - - - - - - - - Author's Rant Was it strange? It was supposed to be. If you didn't like it, MST it. If you did like it, MST it anyway. If there was a plot, send hatemail to kw.oleson@verizon.net. Please. I hate plots. Anyway, thanks for reading, and stay tuned for Part 2!