David J. Thompson (sorta) Presents: "And now for something completely stupid!" Ch.3: "Virtual Stupidity" ******************************************* Normally after a blow like that, the hero would find himself in the company of a nursemaid of some sort. He would be lying in bed, open his eyes, and wonder where he was. Said nursemaid would assure him that everything was fine, get some sleep. Such was not the case for our hero, who had a very rude awakening seconds after he had passed out. The foot connected with his ribcage with a force that sent him flying 10 feet. "Hey!! You gonna get up and fight or not?!" said Ryoko, flying to where our hero lay. Meekly, Dave stood up and brought himself to full height, which was still shorter than Ryoko. The demon gave a small smirk. "Well, you wanna run and die tired? Or just make it quick?" Ryoko gave a laugh that sent chills down Dave's spine. \HEY!!! You there?! I could really use some help!!/ said Dave, using his telepathy. Although he never had telepathy before, it seems as though a channel had been opened between him and this "Voice" /Yes, I'm here, and I've been monitoring your situation.\ \GET TO THE POINT!!!/ /Jeez!! How rude.\ \Well, I'm about to die here, you can see why I'm being a bit rude/ Dave was in dire straits now. /Well gee, maybe I don't wanna help you\ Dave dodged a swipe made by Ryoko. \Ok ok!!!! I'm sorry for being rude. NOW JUST HELP ME!!!!/ he said as Ryoko backed him against the house. /Alrighty!! No what is it you request for fending off said attacker?\ Ryoko was inching closer. \I DONT KNOW!!! An attack, a gun, ANYTHING!!/ Ryoko could smell his fear. /Ok then!! One powerful energy attack comin' up!!\ As it said this, Dave felt energy building up. He knew how to perform it. Years of training on this one attack came flooding into his mind. Within the span of a few seconds, he was a master. Dave raised his hand and shouted "SHINDUU NAMI!!!" and slammed his fist into the ground. ************************* If you've ever seen a kamehameha pointed directly downwards, you'd know what the shinduu nami would do. Where Dave had stood just a few seconds before, there was now a large crater. The part of the house that had been in its radius, was now gone. And Dave, was standing right in the center. Ryoko was nowhere to be seen, possibly flew away, possibly was blasted away, but it didn't matter. She was gone, Dave was in the clear, today was a good day. Or so he thought. About a half mile away, he saw something get up and begin moving, fast. This thing was flying. And who but Ryoko would survive that and get back up to fight? She landed just a few feet in front of him, just so much that she could taste his aura of fear. She was limping, and clutching the side of her stomach. "That was pretty good boy, but you'll have to do better" the Demoness sneered. "But just for that, I'm going to do to you what every man fears most." Dave inched back a little. "Oh crap!!! She's gonna castrate me!!" the thought swept through Dave's mind. /Oh, it wont be that bad.\ the little voice calmingly said. /She wont' be castrating you.\ \Oh, good. What will she be doing then?/ Dave felt a little elation at the fact that he wouldn't be castrated. /Oh, something MUCH worse\ Dave's sudden bit of elation came crashing down on him. ********************************** Ryoko moved her hands into position, and prepared for the spell. "He's gonna hate me for this for the rest of his life." she snickered. An aura of power began forming around Ryoko as she spoke the ancient incantations. The power in the air could be felt for miles, if you were the right person that is. The bright blue aura that had been gathering around Ryoko suddenly focused into a point on Ryoko's finger. Pointing directly at Dave, she uttered a small curse of damnation unto our hero. The bolt loosed itself through the air and collided into Dave, who promptly fell backward into unconsciousness. Ryoko stumbled as she saw her opponent crumple into a heap on the ground. "He's going to feel THAT in the morning!" she said. "But what comes next is the real fun." With that, Ryoko moved over to Dave's prone form. She smiled as he Dave began to stir. He groaned and tried to get up, but only managed to sit up. His head was foggy, his ears rang, but somehow he felt lighter. He was relieved to be alive, but something was definitely wrong. His center of gravity had shifted, making him quite top heavy. He saw the demon/space pirate standing over him, laughing. She laughed, and began to speak. "Man, you're gonna need to visit the feminine hygiene aisle sometime this week!" Again she laughed. Dave could not quite discern what she was talking about, but that bolt had done something. He noticed a lock of extremely blond hair move in front of his eyes. He brushed it away casually. He moved to get up and....blond hair? He was shocked quite a bit by this revelation, for he was not blond. He moved to look at it. He felt its length all the way back and down to his butt. "Damn that's long" he muttered. After he had done the hair inspection, he felt his butt. For some reason it was unusually firm and small. He hand moved up and around the small of his back, around to his (unusually flat) stomach, and up to his....chest. There he discovered what Ryoko was laughing about. His vision was yanked right smack dab to the middle of his chest, where he saw a rather large set of female genitalia on his person. ****************************** Dave did not know how long he sat there looking at his new "friends", but everything seemed caught in a time warp. He flustered immensely as the truth dawned on him. "I'm....a....woman" he (she) managed to sputter. (From this point on, Dave will be referred to as "She") Ever so slowly, Dave managed to get to her feet and hobble a yard or two, only to collapse to the ground. "So boy, happy now that you've experienced what every man fears most?" she suddenly remembered Ryoko, and what Ryoko did. That bolt had changed Dave's gender, and there was a faint tingling of "I told you so" running through his mind. It kept repeating, and repeating, and repeating!! It became an annoying facet of the moment, and Dave tried to block it out, to no avail. \Dammit, stop taunting me!!!!/ she thought. /This should be no of matter to you, there are bigger fish to fry\ the little voice returned, its tone ver matter-of-factly. /Let me get you to my realm and we will discuss this as well as other things\ With that, Dave suddenly blinked out of existence, or so it seemed to Ryoko. Her opponent was there, but not there the next second. "What an odd fellow" she thought. Meanwhile, Dave descended deeper into the void. An inky black darkness surrounded her, much like when she came to Washu's lab. The same sense of falling, the darkness, and the pounding headache that occurred when one got to the other side. Dave skipped on the cursing this time. When she awoke, she was the presence of an odd-looking little man. He sat on a tatami, seiza style, sipping a diet Pepsi and belching. The man looked about three feet tall, with a goatee and hair pulled back in a pony tail. He was obscenely fat, with ugly piggish eyes. A typical otaku. "But I am no Otaku, I am Uuplaku!!" the man said, as if reading Dave's thoughts. "The master of the Aniverse(TM), Uuplaku!!!" This guy was too tripped out for dave. "All the while I have been communicating with you through extra sensory perception (ESP), and now I must tell you why I have brought you here!!" Uuplaku said in an orative style. Dave said "I thought Washu brought me here" Uuplaku laughed at this suggestion. He said, "As master of the Aniverse(TM), I have complete control over any and all Anime characters!!!" Obviously this guy had a problem with not saying his sentences with exclamation points. This may have been the author's fault too (Sorry. -Author). "So, I merely used our little Washu as means to the end of bringing you here!!" Uuplaku yelled again. Dave replied, "Ok, but why have you brought me here?" Uuplaku merely said, "Garbonzo...." ******************************** Dave: Just who is Garbonzo? Uuplaku: Well I can tell you!! Garbonzo is... Dave: I didn't mean that. Uuplaku: Oh. Dave: I was trying to do one of these "What will happen in the next episode" things with the characters talking, you know. Uuplaku: No, I don't know Dave: You're the master of the Aniverse(TM) and you don't even know about that?! Watch the Tenchi Muyo TV series tapes until after the ending song (Upwalkin' Galaxy) and you'll see what I mean. Uuplaku: Why, we can do that right now!! Singer: When you go fishin... Dave: STOP!!! I CANT TAKE IT!!! Uuplaku: Fine, Fats Forward, err fast. (They Ffwd to that part) Uuplaku: Oh, I see what you mean. Dave: Ok, back with the monologue. Ahem. Just who is Garbonzo? Why is Uuplaku mentioning him as the reason he has dragged Dave away from his computer? Why is aforementioned reason named after a type of bean? These questions and more will be answered in our next exciting chapter of "And now for some completely stupid"!! Uuplaku: What's the chapter name? Dave: Ch.4 "I cant think of any other titles that have 'stupid' in them" Uuplaku: OH THAT'S ORIGINAL Dave: Shut up Any questions or comments can be mailed to my NEW e-mail address at uuplaku-mail@juno.com "Ok I love you buh bye"