Who Wants To Be A Millionare? Tenchi Muyo! Style Disclaimer: Again, these cooler than life characters are owned by the bigger than life Pioneer and AIC. I do not own them (of course) and never will. So don't say I didn't warn you. Author's Note: This is sort of like the prelude to "The Weakest Link Tenchi Muyo! Style", so go and read that first. I'm kidding, but you should, because it's good. I dedicate this fanfic to Kristine, who is PRORYOKO, since she is a fellow writer as well. Anyway, you all know how the game show goes, so let's play Who Wants To Be A Millionare! Regis: Our four contestants are Hotsuma, Ryoko, Sakuya, and Ayeka. Who did you bring with you, Hotsuma? Hotsuma: My boss. Yugi: You better win, or no more liver and onions! Hotsuma: C'mon! Regis: Representing Ryoko... Washu: Is her mommy, the greatest scientific genius in the universe! Audience: Hail Washu, the almighty! She is life and death! Regis: Ok....representing Sakuya? Sakuya: I brought my boyfriend, although I can't remember his name or my past. Tenchi: *sweatdrop* Uh...Hi Ryoko! Ryoko: Why you wretched little--- Washu: What a potty mouth we have! I'll turn you into a water sprite until you reflect on your behavior! WHOOOOSHHHHH! Ryoko the Amazing Water Sprite: RIBBIT! Regis: What a tough crowd! And Ayeka, who did you bring? Ayeka: My little sister, Sasami. Sasami: Hi! Regis: Finally, a normal person. (The door slams open) Tiki?! Tiki: Not so normal Reggie. (shows him paper) See? *For more info on this topis, see my poem "Cindersami." Regis: *sweatdrop* I see... Tiki: Just thought I ought to warn you. Washu! Turn Ryoko back into a human right now! Washu: Why? Tiki: Fine. But if you'd like to share a trailer with Seriyo again... WHOOOOOOSHHHH! Ryoko: I owe you one Tiki. Tiki: (blushing) No sweat! Just win, or else I owe twenty bucks to Kagato. Regis: Let's start the game! The person who can get the statements in the correct order the fastest will move on to the real questions! Here are the statements: Put these Tenchi movies in the order they came out: Daughter of Darkness Tenchi Muyo in Love 2! Tenchi Muyo in Love ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Regis: And the winner is...Ryoko! Tiki: YES! Kagato: (at home) Aw man... Ryoko: I finally beat you Hotsuma! And I beat my two rivals too! Regis: OK Ryoko, let's start with the questions. You have three lifelines which you can use at any time. OK? Let's play! For 100 dollars, what is the animal that loves carrots? A) Bear B) Rabbit C) Duck D) Cat Ryoko: Can I say a cabbit? Regis: No, that would be combining two answers together. Ryoko: A rabbit? Regis: Correct! For 200 dollars, what two elements create water? A) Helium and potassium B) Sodium and Iron C) Hydrogen and Oxygen D) Rain and Wind Ryoko: Washu, what is the answer? Regis: You can't do that! Ryoko: Screw you! I'll just call someone. Regis: Who are you going to call? Audience: GHOSTBUSTERS! Ryoko: I'll call Kagato. RING RING RING RING RING RING Ryoko: Does the guy ever answer his phone? RING RING RING BEEEEEP "Hi, I'm not in right now, because I'm either destroying a galaxy or playing Nintendo. Please leave a message after the absurdly long scientific equation." *123=5thmatter-812mLx2mm= WHO CARES?* Ryoko: He really is hopeless. Washu: He's so romantic... (drools) Ryoko: You actually understood that load of rubbish? Regis: I'm sorry, but you get your lifeline back. Now, do you have an answer? Ryoko: (through telepathy) Washu, what's the answer? Washu: (still drooling) C... Ryoko: Thanks! The answer is C! Regis: Correct! Next question! For 300 dollars! What is our galaxy called? A) Snickers B) Butterfinger C) Crunch D) Milky Way Ryoko: Milky Way! Regis: Is that your final answer? Ryoko: Yeah! Regis: Are you sure? Ryoko: YEAH! Regis: Are you very very very---- Ryoko: IT"S MY FINAL ANSWER! Regis: You are correct! For 400 dollars, what is the capital of Washington? A) Olympia B) Tallahasse C) Honolulu D) Walla-walla Ryoko: I think I'll call a friend. Regis: Who are you going to call? Audience: GHOSTBU---- *Washu blows the audience up* Ryoko: Kagato, if he's there. Regis: (on phone) Hello? Is this Kagato? Kagato: Yes, and whatever you're selling, I don't want any! Regis: I'm not selling anything, but Ryoko is on a game show, and she needs your help. Kagato: Whoop-de-do and how do you do! What do I care? Ryoko: C'mon Kagato! I really need your help! Kagato: Listen here, I lost twenty bucks because you're on this game show. *CLICK* Ryoko: That a--- Regis: You are correct! The answer is A! Ryoko: Huh? Regis: Next question for 500 smackaroonies! What kind of animal is the comic character Garfield? A) Dog B) Walrus C) Bird D) Cat Ryoko: I have no idea. Regis: That's not an answer. Would you like to ask the audience? Ryoko: (looks at the empty charred stands) I don't think the audience is very lively. Regis: HAHA! They're always like that! Why don't you call a friend? I'll give you two call a friends, in place of the audience. Ryoko: All right! I'll call Mihoshi! Washu: WHAT?? RING RING Mihoshi: Hello? Masaki residence! Regis: Your friend Ryoko needs help on a question. I'll give you guys 30 seconds to talk. Ryoko: Mihoshi, who is Garfield? Mihoshi: A cat! Everyone knows that! Washu: Wha... what? I didn't know that! Ryoko: Thanks! The answer is D! Regis: Correct! This one is for 1000 dollars! What is the fuel used for space shuttles? A) Helium B) Hydrogen C) Oxygen D) Mercury Ryoko: I think I'll call a friend. Regis: Who are you going to call? Washu: (looking around at the empty stands) What the heck...GHOSTBUSTERS! Ryoko: I'll try Kagato one more time. RING RING RING RING Kagato: Hello? Masaki residence! Tenchi: (holding on for dear life on a piece of burnt wood) WHAT?? What is he doing in my house? Regis: Hi Kagato, your friend Ryoko--- Kagato: Who said she's my friend? Regis: I did. Kagato: Pitiful earthlings always make mistakes. Tenchi: Hey, I didn't make a mistake when I cut you in half, did I? Kagato: But I'm fine now! Tenchi: Yeah, but you're on steroids, IV, oxygen tubes, and respirators. Kagato: So what if I'm a little bit out of tune? Ryoko: Define "little bit." Regis: Can we please get on with the show? Kagato: No! I have to play Nintendo! I've almost mastered Luigi's Mansion! *CLICK* Ryoko: That b---- Regis: You are correct! The answer is B! You have 1000 dollars to keep now. Let's go on to 2,000 dollars. This is the Tenchi questions section now, so you should ace it! Ayeka comes from what planet? A) Jurai B) Earth C) Venus D) Planet of the Apes Ryoko: This is so simple! I just wish I could say D... Regis: What's your answer? Ryoko: CAN YOU WAIT?? Regis: No. Ryoko: Go figure... The answer is A, as in Ayeka isn't going to get Tenchi! Ayeka: (digging out of rubble) WHAT? Regis: That is correct! Ayeka: Regis! You agree with her that I'm not going to get Tenchi? Is that true? Regis: *sweatdrop* Well, Ryoko has the body, and looks, and everything else, but that's not the point. Ryoko: Then what is? Regis: Anyway, this question is for 4,000 dollars. How many ancient ruins has Kagato destroyed/stolen? A) Around 3,000 B) Around 30,000 C) Around 300 D) Around 3 Ryoko: I guess I have to call him again as usual. RING RING RING Kagato: (drunk) Uh..this is the Makibi residence. What do you want? Ryoko: The Makibi residence? You're staying over Kiyone's house? Kagato: Yup, we're having a party here. I'm as drunk on sake as Ryo-Ohki's full on carrots. Ryoko: I want to go too! Kiyone: (in background) My career is ruined...hanging out with an Eternally Wanted Criminal... Regis: Kagato, you four eyed creep, don't you hang up this time! Kagato: OK... Ryoko: Wow...even I can't insult him like that! But of course, he's drunk. Regis will be dead tomorrow... Regis: Now, the question is, how many ruins did you destroy? All right? Your 30 seconds start now! Ryoko: C'mon Kagato, tell me the answer! Kagato: Wait...Let's see, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,--- Ryoko: DON"T COUNT! Kagato: 6, 7, 8, 9, 10--- Ryoko: Hurry up! Kagato: Skip a few, 3,000! Ryoko: Thank you so much! The answer is 3,000! Regis: Correct! For 8,000 dollars, who is Kagato's parent? A) Mikamo B) Washu C) Naja Akara D) Minagi Ryoko: Are all these questions about that senile freak? Regis: Yes, I'm afraid so. The fanfic writer is a Kagato fan, so don't you dare insult him. Ryoko: But you did! Regis: I know. (sees Tiki standing by the doorway, holding a bazooka) Shhhh! Ryoko: (sees Tiki) Who the heck would like him? Regis: An insane woman, that's who. Tiki: WHAT?? Regis: *sweatdrop* Well, Ryoko, what's your answer. Ryoko: I better call Kagato again, since I don't want to use my 50/50. Regis: Last lifeline! Call Kagato! RING RING RING Kagato: Hello? Kuramitsu residence! Ryoko: How come you move from place to place every 5 minutes? Washu: Yeah, what are you doing in Mihoshi's house? Stupidity is contagious you know! Kagato: Well, I was lonely... Ryoko: Forget it. So, are you going to help me? Kagato: Heck no! Ryoko: C'mon! I'll split the money with you! Kagato: Ryoko, I can sell your pantyhose for more money then what you're going to earn on this game show! Ryoko: Oh yeah? Who's going to buy it? Hotsuma: (under pile of wood) I will! Ryoko: Shut up! Kagato, please help me! Kagato: Fine, but you owe me one. Regis: Your 30 seconds begin now! Ryoko: Who's your parent Kags? Kagato: I'm an orphan. Ryoko: Well no duh, but how about before that? Kagato: Ah yes, I remember when we used to go to the park, and swim by the sandy shore... Ryoko: Earth to Kagato! Are you going to spend the 30 seconds reflecting on your past? Kagato: Fine, my parent was Naja Akara. (sniffs) I miss my mommy... Ryoko: Thank you! Kagato: WAAAAAAA! Tiki: I didn't know he could be so sensitive. Ryoko: The answer is C! Regis: Correct! For 16,000 dollars, who is Tenchi's mom? A) Achika B) Asahi C) Mayuka D) Haruna Ryoko: Do I have any lifelines left? Regis: No, I'm afraid not. Ryoko: Hmmmm...I remember! Achika is the answer! Tenchi: I miss my mommy!! Kagato: (bursting through the door) Me too! *Kagato and Tenchi hug and cry* Tiki: (standing in the shadows) Bleeding hearts unite... Regis: *sweatdrop* All right... Ryoko: Am I correct? Regis: Huh? Oh, of course! Now, for 32,000 dollars, what is the name of Nagi's cabbit? A) Na-Ohki B) Gi-Ohki C) Kimi-Ohki D) Ken-Ohki Ryoko: Simple! D! Regis: Is that your final answer? Ryoko: Yes. Regis: Are you sure? Ryoko: Yes! Regis: Are you really sure? Ryoko: YES!! Regis: Are you sure that you're sure that you're sure? Ryoko: HOW MANT TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT I'M SURE??!! Regis: About 3. Ryoko: Yes, I am very very very very sure. Regis: Just to make sure that you're sure.... Ryoko: What is wrong with you? Tiki: My first guess would be... a lot. Regis: Very funny Tiki. Remind me to give you a pay raise. Tiki: Really? Regis: No. Ryoko: Did I get it correct? Regis: Yes! You get to keep 32,000 dollars now. Now for 64,000 dollars, what is the name of Ayeka's guardians? A) Log 1 and Log 2 B) Elvis and Bubbles C) Aye and Ka D) Azaka and Kamidake Ryoko: What kind of selection is that? Tiki: A really screwy one. Regis: Tiki, you're supposed to be writng the fanfic, not barging into it. Tiki: So? Regis: So, why don't you go bother Kagato? Tiki: (grinning) OK! Kaggi-poo! Regis: Now that we got her out of our hair, let's hear your answer. Ryoko: It's D. (thinks for a moment) And that's my final answer. Regis: You are correct! For 128,000 dollars, what is Katsuhito's favorite drink? A) Sake B) Tea C) Beer D) Gasoline Ryoko: Well, it depends if you really know the guy... Regis: What do you mean? Ryoko: In the Toonami version, it's tea, in the Japanese version, it's sake. And, if you hang around with him behind the scenes, he drinks Bud Light, and he has chugged down a gallon of gas before. Regis: So you're saying you can't answer this question. Ryoko: Yes, but I could, if we could do something. Regis: What? Ryoko: Let Tiki handle it, OK? Tiki: (shoving a big cooler in the studio) This is the Katsuhito taste test! Come here Katsuhito! (He walks over) The 7-UP taste test! *Tiki takes out two cups, and puts out two cards face down* Tiki: Try the first one! Katsuhito: Hmmm...*drinks the first cup* Tastes like tea... Tiki: Exactly! Try the second cup! Katsuhito: *drinks second cup, and then clutches heart and begins to die* Tiki: What you just drank was Mihoshi's miso soup! That proves that tea tastes better! He likes tea! Ryoko: *looks at Katsuhito's dead body* I should think so... Regis: That woman has some serious problems. Ryoko: My answer is B, I guess. Regis: You are 1/4 correct! Ryoko: What?? Regis: All of the answers were correct, so it doesn't matter! Tiki: Well, there goes my paycheck. Regis: Now, for 250,000 dollars, what is the name of Tokimi's and Tsunami's sister? A) Taita B) Washu C) Sasami D) Tiki Ryoko: If that insane fanfiction writer is related to the goddesses, then I'm a Juraian princess. Tiki: Hey! I'm the one that saved you from being a water sprite you know! Ryoko: Can't be Sasami...Hey! What is Washu doing on the board? Washu: I was going to tell you sooner Ryoko, but you were too young, and I just couldn't. You were only a child... Ryoko: I just met you 3 months ago. Washu: WHATEVER!! Tiki: She's right you know. Washu: Tiki, don't you dare spoil this moment for me!!! Tiki: Whatever. Washu: I am a goddess, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Forgive me Ryoko-chan. Ryoko: Oh, Mommy!!! *They hug, and that funky music from lovers' reuniting comes on.* Tiki: Kagato, gag me! Kagato: That's so precious... Tiki: Aw, don't tell me you're going to cry too! The Class A criminal? The one who destroyed so many planets? You're going to cry? Kagato: It's just so touching... *Goes over and hugs Washu and Ryoko* Tiki: The Hakubis unite... Tenchi: Come here Ayeka, and let's join them. *Ayeka and Tenchi go to them and hug as well.* Sasami: Don't forget me! Nobuyuki: I'm feeling left out Dad. Let's go. *Drags Katsuhito's body over to the hugging group* -----------------------------THE END------------------------------------------- Tiki: Wait!! It's not supposed to end like this! Come back everyone! We didn't even get to a 1,000,000 yet! Everyone: Who cares? Tiki: I do! Please, I need to finish this fanfic, and I can't do it without you guys! Here, you can even make a request that I'll fulfill at the end of the show! Make a wish list you guys! Everyone: OK! *Takes a long piece of paper and starts writing* Tiki: Things I do for art... -----------------------------NOT THE END------------------------------------ Ryoko: The answer is B! Regis: You are correct! For 500,000 dollars, what is the name of Tenchi's daughter? A) Yuzuha B) Nagisa C) Tenko D) Mayuka Ryoko: Hee hee...depends, you know. Ayeka: What exactly do you mean by that? Tiki: Well, there is a myth that Ryoko and Tenchi have had a---- Ayeka: A WHAT??!! Tiki: Well, Nagisa is the name of their rumored daughter. Ayeka: WHA--WHAT? Tiki: Whoa, PMS lady, don't get all freaky on me! Ayeka: Please tell me it's a rumor in one of your idiotic fanfics! Tiki: Two things: No, I did not start this rumor, and two, you are in one of my "idiotic fanfics". Ayeka: I am a princess to Jurai, and Tenchi is the heir to the throne! That can't be true! Tiki: Actually princess, I find that quite easy to believe, since Ryoko is much more beautiful than you are. Hotsuma: Hear hear! Tiki: Also, I can't keep but wondering if you only like Tenchi because he's the heir. Ryoko: Tiki, you go girl! Ayeka: How dare you, you crazy psycho maniac! Tiki: (wagging finger) Uh uh uh, you shouldn't insult the ruler of this fanfic! Ayeka: Tell me Tiki, who the heck is Tenko? Tiki: Ask Sagami that. Ayeka: Who?? Tiki: Remember the checkpoint? *Tenchi Universe* Ayeka: (marching out of the studio) SAGAMI!!! Tiki: Now that we got that purpled haired punk out of our way, we'd like to hear your answer. Ryoko: Since I wouldn't want to prove or disprove the rumor, I'll just say Mayuka. Regis: And that is--- *looks at Tiki, who's giving him the evil eye of death* Correct! Ryoko: WOO HOO! Regis: The last question, for 1,000,000 dollars, what is the name, birthdate, address, zip code, state, next of kin, family, age, grade--- Ryoko: That is one long question. Tiki: I don't think he's done yet. Regis: Friends, enemies, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite TV show, last name, middle name, how many bottle caps he's collected--- Ryoko: What the heck?? Tiki: Can all that fit on that little board? Regis: Where's he been in the past five years, where's he's planning to be, where he is now, what he wants to do with his life, who he doesn't want to be, who he wants to be--- Ryoko: Who the heck is he talking about? Regis: The favorite animal, his favorite day, his favorite year and the number of fingers that the creepy thing that showed up in Episode 1 of Shin Tenchi has? Tiki: Mamasita and holy canolie! That is one bambucha, mucho grande question! Ryoko: I didn't get anything that you said Tiki, but I agree with you. How the heck am I supposed to answer this question? Hotsuma: Ryoko, if I may speak--- Ryoko: No. Regis, that is impossible to answer! Tiki: Yeah, you just don't want her to get the money! Hotsuma: If I may say my ideas--- Ryoko: Shut up Hotsuma! Tiki: Regis, just give her the money now! She deserves it! Regis: What does Ryoko look like, a hooker? Nobuyuki: Yes. Tiki: You keep your perverted hentai mind out of this! Hotsuma: Ryoko, I think the creepy thing he was talking about was you. Remember? Ryoko: Oh, yes! Regis: Well thank you Hotsuma! (pulls out gun) Now you're going to pay! Tiki: No, you are! (whacks Regis with her purse) I happen to like tall men with long hair and glasses! Ryoko: You have serious problems Tiki. Tiki: I know. Now just kill Regis, take the money, and be off! Ryoko: Tiki, that is the strangest thing you have ever said to me. Tiki: So, are you going to do it or not? Ryoko: OK. Regis, catch! Regis: NOOOOOOOO!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tiki: Thank you for watching Who Wants To Be a Millionare! I hope you like this fanfic, and I hope you liked me! Now, since I like you so much, I'm allowing you to go behind the scenes into my office. Let's see what the Tenchi gang asked for: Tiki, All I want is a new haircut and some decent clothes. Yugi. Tiki: Ok, I can do that. Let's see another one. Tiki, my sweetie pie, Please, please, get me Ryoko! Hotsuma. Tiki: What does he think I am, Santa, the HO HO HO dealer? Tiki, I want Tenchi, and I want Ayeka to go back wherever that evil %&*%* came from! Ryoko Tiki: Hmmm...I can do that, and I'll enjoy it too. Tiki, I want a hydorxillaian, radioactive, time warping accelerator compacted with metric tons of frozen atoms at negative 105.23786 degrees Celcius, with a galaxy destorying mechanism with complete understanding of physics, and a biological plant morphing xypholopial radar. Washu, the Ultimate genius in the Universe! Tiki: Without reading the signature I know it's Washu. Next one! Tiki, I want Tenchi, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Sakuya (I think) Tiki: Sorry hon, shop's closed. Next! Tiki, I just want my normal life again! Get these woman out of my house! Tenchi Tiki: Tenchi, you ask the impossible. Tiki, you crazy psycho maniac, I want you to kill Ryoko, kill Mayuka, kill Sakuya, and kill everyone on this planet!! Except Tenchi, of course. Ayeka, the most beautiful girl in the world Tiki: You are crazy, very crazy. Now way in heck am I going to do that! Tiki, I want you to be my slave forever, and cook for me every single day, and let the food get cold while I take my sweet old time fighting with TenchiI HA HA HA HA!! How do you like them apples? Sasami Tiki: Sasami, you have some serious issues. Tiki, I want you to stop worshipping me! I am not the Great One! Stop following me around and being my greatest fan! Stop it! You're driving me insane!! Kagato Tiki: Oh Kaggi-poo, you know I can't do that! Hmmm... Nobuyuki is the only one left. Tiki, my sugar mama, I want you and me to get in a limo and drive, with some champagne and wine! See you at 8:00. Nobuyuki, your sugar daddy Tiki: Um, why don't we just end this fanfic? See you next time!