Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer. "I'm Only Happy When It 
Rains" belongs to Garbage, to whom I apologize for the desecration it 
undergoes to illustrate my point.

Notes:   This story, which is based veeeeeeeeery loosely on the events 
of one OAV episode, is meant to illustrate the dire consequences that 
would result if Tenchi married anyone but Ayeka. I'll rate it PG for 
content and N17 for extreme scariness. 


			Why Ayeka Should Get Tenchi, 
                        a cautionary tale
                      by Mihoshi and Tokimi

	It was softly raining in Jurai's capitol. Drop upon drop of heavy 
water bounced up from the trampoline leaves of the giant palace-tree, 
and fragile ropes of rain swung down, connecting the arching branches to 
growing puddles far below.
	All along the acres of brilliant gold-green fields, weary peasants 
took time off from their farming to rest their aching necks and backs 
under the shade of a wagon or rickety umbrella, relaxing for a little 
while in the peaceful beauty of the dancing droplets, patiently waiting 
for real life to resume.
	In the palace itself, all was silent. The Queen tread softy 
through the throne room, speaking in muted tones the orders necessary 
for the care of the castle. The courtiers, following their soveirgn's 
lead, were calm as well. There was no crash of swordplay from the long-
haired royal warriors. The chatter of the richly robed ladies was hushed 
to a mere murmur of scandal and jealousy and gossip.
	Nature had decreed a quit day for Jurai.
	Which made the sudden eruption of singing from His Majesty, the 
Prince Consort all the more jarring when it pierced the atmosphere of 
the day with insolent stupidity.
	"I'M ONLY HAPPY WHEN IT *RAINS*" he screeched, as far from the 
intended key of the song as he was from the planet where it had 
originated. "I'm only happy when its COMplicATED/ And though I KNOW you 
can't APPreciATE it/ I'm only happy when it RA-INS!!!"
	A collective groan erupted from the throne room, before its 
occupants remembered their blue blood, and pretended they couldn't hear 
the bleating voice.
	The Queen stopped in the middle of her orders to Azaka, one of her 
most trusted advisors. Her wine-colored eyes closed briefly, and 
centuries of training in the dignified ways of the royal family and the 
knowledge of all the curious eyes glued to her were the only things that 
kept her from groaning with her subjects, tearing her violet hair in 
frustration and unleashing all of the mystic powers of Jurai that hadn't 
already been infuriated out of her on His Lordship, her husband.
	"I suppose Lord Seriyo is awake," she sighed finally, her clenched 
fists digging into her robes.
	"*POUR* YOUR MISERY DO-OWN! *POUR* YOUR MISERY DOWN ON *MEEEE*!"
	"Would you send someone to shu- see if he needs anything?" Queen 
Ayeka asked wearily.
	"I shall go myself, Your Majesty," Azaka bowed, pity unmistakable 
in his eyes.
	The once-placid corridors now rang with a faulty falsetto that 
grew louder and louder as the old warrior approached the Royal Bed 
Chambers (that's damn right, there were two; *nobody* deserves Seriyo 
24/7), pausing with a grimace before he pushed open the heavy wooden 
doors and met with the unmitigated howls of His Lordship.
	Prince Seriyo was standing before the full length mirror that 
stood next to his giant pink bed. The overwhelming pinkness of the room 
in general was reflected behind the red-robed monarch who posed for 
himself, running one hand through his sherbert-like hair, holding an 
invisible microphone in the other.
	"Your Majesty," Azaka began after several disgusted throat-
clearings had failed to gain the Prince's attention.
	"I can't hear you unless you address me properly," Seriyo replied 
nasally.
	"Your Better-Than-Tenchi-ness," Azaka grunted through clenched 
teeth.
	"Oh, Azuki! How nice to see you!"
	"Yes. Her Majesty-" he stopped at a look from The Effeminate One. 
"Her Likes-You-Better-Than-Tenchi-ness," he spat, "would like to know if 
anything is needed to add to your comfort."
	"Actually, no. But I forgot to tell her about the inter-galactic 
phone call."
	"I thought Lady Ayeka had forbidden you to.... What phone call, my 
Lord?"
	"From the guy, you know, the one with the spiky hair?"
	"Lord Tenchi?" Azaka asked, his eyebrows raised with sudden 
interest.
	"Azippy," Seiyo sighed exasperatedly.
	"Was it His Didn't-Really-Beat-You-Because-Mihoshi-Interrupted-
ness?"
	"Fortunately not.  No, this one was blonde and he had a scar-
thingy on his nose."
	"The Prime Minister of Aldalar?" Azaka choked, turning pale. 
Aldalar was an extremely belligerent planet which had recently been 
taking control of all the Galaxy Police Planets in the Gamma District. 
Word had it that after Xan, its Prime Minister (or Dictator, more 
accurately), finished off the GP, he was going to move against the 
Jurians.
	"That's the one!"
	"And what did the Prime Minister have to say?" coaxed Azaka with 
forced calm.
 	Seriyo thought for a moment.
	"When's breakfast?"
	"The Prime Minister called to discuss breakfast?"
	"The Prime Minister can kiss my regal ass! I'm hungry."
	"It's four o'clock in the afternoon, My Liege."
	"Wow. Eggs. And Ryuten sausages."
	"What message should I bring the Queen about Aldalar?"
	"Oh that, Scar-nose said that if we didn't la-de-da something-I-
can't-remember he would something something. Hey, I think he called me 
gay! Can you believe that! He said, 'Sleep well with your butler, Your 
Cupcake-ness!' Then he hung up!" 
	Azaka looked like he was going to start hyperventilating. He spun 
on his heel, forgetting the ritual bow, and practically ran for the 
door.
	"I don't sound gay, do I, Azizi?" Seriyo's yell echoed in the 
empty halls.








	

*When Life gives you lemons, make lemonade* and e-mail it to Mihoshi.

Soun has still yet to remove Mihoshi and her free-loading partner Tokimi 
from their happy home at

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