Subject:     [FFML] [C&C] [WFL] The Mihoshi Incident, chapter 1-5
Sent:        9/3/96 1:39 AM
Received:    9/3/96 7:13 AM
From:        Travis Butler, tbutler@tfs.net
Reply-To:    Fanfic ML, fanfic@fanfic.com
To:          Fanfic ML, fanfic@fanfic.com

As the lights come up in the theatre, we see Frito standing on a soapbox, 
fist upraised in what would be a highly dramatic gesture -- that is, if 
it weren't being made by a squat halfling in a terminally-stained doublet.

Frito: Now it's time ta reclaim my destiny!

The camera pulls back, to reveal Windir and Lyra tied into their seats. 
Both show signs of a struggle. Windir occasionally strains against his 
bonds, while Lyra leans back resignedly.

Frito: Some people ain't been takin' me seriously. But dat's all gonna 
change! I ain't just comic relief no more -- now *I'm* takin' over da 
review team and remakin' da reviews da way I like 'em! I'm gonna mold da 
fanfics in *my* image, and CONQUER DA UNIVERSE! 
Moohoohoohahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Windir: <Aside to Lyra> I suppose that it was *absolutely* necessary to 
retain a sample of the meglomania pills?

Lyra: <Looking slightly embarrassed, but arguing gamely> Look, it was the 
first time we'd run into any of them! I mean, yeah, we could've deduced 
them from the ML traffic, but we'd never even thought they were possible 
until we raided that self-insertion gang...

Frito snickers obscenely.

Frito: I heard dat! <After snickering for a few seconds more, he stops 
and frowns at his captives.> And I ain't gonna put up with dat backtalk 
no more! You're gonna be punished! 

With a dramatic flourish, Frito pulls out a remote control, aims it at 
the projection booth, and presses a button. Windir and Lyra cower back in 
their seats, as the image of a blond girl in a sailor fuku appears on the 
screen. The pair stiffen in shock.

Lyra: AIEEEEEEEE!

A particularly obnoxious verse from the dubbed Sailor Moon theme blares 
out from the screen. Windir begins shuddering, clenching his teeth in 
agony.

Windir: NYARRGGHHHH!

Frito glares at them for a moment, before turning off the video with an 
offhanded flick of the remote. The pair fall back in their seats, panting 
and sweating.

Lyra: B-boss! <Wheeze> Why... why are you letting him do this?

[Editor's note: Er... OW! <Sigh> Uh, he's got me, too. Gomen.]

Windir: And did these tests you saved them for tell you how long they'd 
take to wear off?

Lyra: I... uh... <sheepish look> hadn't got that far yet.

Windir: <Shoots a beseeching look up at the ceiling, before looking back 
down and shaking his head.> Lovely.

Frito: <Tapping the remote against his palm> Alright, enough of da 
chit-chat! We got us a fic ta review! <Flourishes the remote again, and 
presses another button.> 

>The Mihoshi Incident 
>A Tenchi Muyo/Star Trek crossover 
> 
>By : Derek Sherman (doppleganger@usa.pipeline.com or mondomage@aol.com) 

Lyra: <Thoughtfully> You know, it could have been worse. <Looks 
speculatively at Frito> A *lot* worse.

Frito: Ya just ain't with da program yet, toots!

Lyra: <Dangerously> Toots?

After an exchange of looks, Frito wisely decides to back off.

Frito: Da point ain't ta review hentai fics! Da point is ta take innocent 
fun fics an' turn 'em *inta* hentai fics! We're gonna make the whole 
frekin' *Universe* a hentai fic!

Lyra: <Aghast> An entire universe of Lemon fics?!? You mean... 

Frito: Nah, I ain't sayin' *lemon*! I'm sayin' *hentai*!

Windir: <Sourly> A most enlightened difference, I am sure.

>Author's note : This is my first "official" foray into the territory 
>of crossovers, and into both the Tenchi Muyo and Star Trek universes. 
>If you have any comments at all about this work of mine - be they 
>good, bad, or indifferent - please send them!  

Lyra: Hmmm. Well, you didn't do too badly at all, for a first attempt.

Frito: Sez who?!? I was waitin' ta see all the babes bathin' naked, and 
he ain't done a single onsen scene in da whole fic!

Windir: <Dryly> A most unfortunate oversight, I am sure.

Frito: Uh-huh. <Looks suspiciously at Windir> Anyway, ROLL 'EM!

>Chapter 1 - Off We Go.... 
> 
>It was a peaceful scene, one that many people would dream of. A  
>distinguished-looking home nestled on the shore of a calm lake,  
>surrounded by forested hills. A mild breeze rustles the leaves.  
>Birds and insects call out ceaselessly to whomever was listening.  
>A handful of white, puffy clouds crawl lazily across the sapphire 
>sky.  
>  Yes, a beautiful scene. 

Windir: As was this one.

Lyra: Well, pretty good, anyway. <Smiles> It reminded me of the opening 
of the "Night Before the Carnival" OAV, with Ayeka's guardians standing 
on either side of the gate. 

Frito: Aww, it's *borin'*! When are we gonna get ta the fightin'?

>  A woman's voice, shrill and deafening. "Ryoko! Look at this mess! 
>How could you *DO* such a thing?!" 
>  Another woman, her voice defiant. "Hey! Don't you go blaming me  
>for this! Washu never told me that this thing would blow up at the  
>highest setting!" 

Lyra: Right on cue.

>  "Don't go trying to shift the blame, Ryoko! You shouldn't have  
>taken that thing from Washu's lab in the first place! What *is*  
>that... device... anyway?" 
>  A harsh laugh. "You mean to tell me that you don't know what this 
>is?" A barrage of laughter. "Boy, you *ARE* an inexperienced one,  
>aren't you?" 

Frito: Wa-ha-ha! Now *dat's* more like it! Yah, Ryoko! Make 'er blush, I 
love it when ya make 'er blush! Show 'er da stuff!

Windir: Yes... but what, exactly, *is* it?

Lyra: Some things it's better to leave to the imagination. <Looks over at 
Frito, who's cackling lecherously to himself and rubbing his hands> Then 
again, considering some imaginations... perhaps not.

>  "WHAT?! Why, you.... you.... demon!" 
>  A third woman's voice joins the chorus. "Will you two please stop 
>it! I mean, what's done is done, and there's no use arguing about  
>it if it's already done, right?" 
>  The first two women, in unison, "Shut up, Mihoshi!" 
>  Now a man's voice, "What the...? What are you doing to my house 
>now? Geez!" 
>  The defiant woman again, now apologetic. "Tenchi! Why, I.... uh.... 
>I was doing some.... uh.... redecorating!" 
>  Yet another female voice, this one noticeably younger-sounding.  
>"Dinner's ready!" 

Windir: This entire section highlights the major difficulty I had with 
the story -- namely, the dialogue for several of the characters does not 
seem to 'ring true,' as it were. Mihoshi, for example, comes across as 
rather more forceful, than is her usual wont. As for Tenchi... his speech 
is presented as that of an immature juvenile, particularly the 'Geez'; 
not the somewhat naive, yet still pleasant and collected performance we 
have come to expect from Masami Kikuchi. <Pauses in thought for a moment> 
In fact, that may be the issue. Although we have and watch the subtitled 
edition, as in fact all true fans do --

Frito clears his throat noisily.

Windir: -- we have, on recent occasions, been exposed to that laughable 
rendition that some ignorant beings refer to as the 'dubbed edition' of 
Tenchi --

Frito: Hey!

Windir: -- as if anything dubbed could accurately be referred to as an 
'edition' of a work of art like Tenchi Muyo --

Frito: HEY!

Windir: -- and the dialogue of those participating in that travesty of a 
production was not dissimilar to that presented here. It is possible that 
the author may have been unfortunate enough to have only been exposed to 
the dub --

Lyra: <Aside to Frito, while Windir continues in the background> It's too 
late... he's off and gone. You *know* nothing can stop him when he starts 
one of his rants --

Frito: Wanna bet? 

With a vicious grin, he stabs a button on the remote. As a brown-haired 
gamin appears on the screen and begins singing, "We Will Win" blares out 
from the theatre speakers in THX surround-sound. The captive pair slam 
bolt-upright in their seats for a moment, before collapsing into writhing 
heaps on the floor, too stunned to do more than moan unintelligibly. 
After a moment, Frito cuts the music, and hauls each of them back up into 
their seats.

Windir: All... I... can say... is that they had *better*... wear off 
soon. 

Lyra: Unmagliggle... <Stirs, and manages to get her head more-or-less 
upright> Aie... <Sigh> Much as I hate to say it, Frito, he's probably 
right; it does sound an awful lot like the dialogue on the dubbed 
episodes we've seen. And I admit I like the subbed dialogue a lot better 
than the dubbed version.

>Mihoshi held a pillow in a close, smothering embrace, giggling almost  
>hysterically. Despite the interruption, she hadn't missed as much of  
>her favorite show as she had feared. Marthus had apologized profusely  
>and proclaimed his undying love, and even gone so far as to adopt the  
>two illegitimate hatchlings that he had sired. Janus had taken him back 
>into her house and it looked like they were going to live happily ever 
>after. Life was good. 

Frito: Hey, baby! Ain't it about time ta start thinkin' about how he 
*got* dem 'illegitimate hatchlings'? He he he... Time ta get 
down-n-dirty, Mihoshi-chan!

Windir: <Aside to Lyra> What *could* you have been thinking of, leaving 
them out where he could get at them? You *know* he can't resist trying 
out anything he finds!

Lyra: <Aside to Windir> Er, well... <Shrugs helplessly>

Windir: <Louder, to room> Frito, you do realize that Mihoshi is always 
cast as the 'perpetual innocent'? Even if she did peruse the matter 
further, it's doubtful that she would have enough grasp of the mechanics 
to create more than a PG-13 rating.

Frito: Awww... but dis scene had so much *potential*!

Lyra: I think I agree, but not in the way you mean. <Smiles slyly at 
Frito> I also think it did a pretty good job of fulfilling it. It's a 
reminder of her normal activities for old hands, and helps introduce the 
character for new readers. The only thing that bothered me was the 
wording in a couple of places -- "as she had feared" and "even gone so 
far as" sound a bit too sophisticated when compared with her personality 
and what she was doing. The author might simplify them a little bit.

>  She looked up from the pillow. It was Sasami, Ryo-ohki perched on  
>her head. "Oh! Sasami! I didn't see you there. What is it?" 
>  Sasami smiled. "You're watch is ringing." 

Windir: That should be "Your." 

>  "Huh?" Mihoshi glanced at the multi-purpose communicator/criminal 
>detector/temporal indicator strapped to her wrist. "Why, you're  
>absolutely right Sasami! Thank you very much." 
>  "Sure." Sasami replied, smiling. 
>  Mihoshi smiled back and pressed the communications button. "Yes?" 
>  "MIHOSHI!" Yukinojo's distraught voice blared from the communicator. 
>"I've been trying to contact you for over an hour! Where have you  
>been!?" 

Frito: Hey! Why's he yelling at her?

Lyra: That's right, it is kind of odd. Yukinojo's words are always polite 
and respectful -- notice how he uses the '-dono' honorific in the 
subtitled version, which as I remember is a pretty respectful honorific; 
not so much as '-sama', but more so than '-san'. Yukinojo never yelled, 
either; the closest I remember him getting was a slightly louder, faster 
version of his normal speech. Mihoshi's *boss*, now... 

Frito: He, he, he... "DETECTIVE FIRST-CLASS MIHOSHI!"

>  Mihoshi paused. "Well, I suppose you could, but don't you have to  
>prepare dinner for everyone? We could be gone for a while." 

Lyra: Famous last words...

>  Some species put their spaceship crews in suspended animation for  
>the duration. Others use computer generated virtual reality simulations 
>to keep crews alert. One species went so far as to keep busy by playing  
>certain collectable card games smuggled from the off-limits planetoid 
>known as Earth to keep it's starship staffers from going insane during 
>the long journeys.

Frito: He he he... show us dem cards! I'll bet ya it's dat new 
XXXenophile Collector's Game! If it ain't, it oughta be!

>"Mihoshi? What are they doing?" 
>  "Ummm.... they're kissing." 
>  "They are?" Sasami leaned closer to the screen. "I've never seen  
>anyone kiss like that before." 
>  Ryo-Ohki nodded in agreement. "Meow-ow!" 
>  "Well, you see... they're Octarians, and Octarians don't have.... 
>um, well..... they don't..." Mihoshi buried her face in her hands. "Oh, 
>this is so embarrassing!" She stammered for a few more minutes before 
>finally stating "That's just the way they do it." 

Windir: Hmmm. Reasonably accurate.

Lyra: Now come on, I can see this! Can you imagine anyone who'd be more 
embarrassed about explaining the birds and the bees?

Windir: Tenchi.

Lyra: Um, well... all right, I'll grant that. But still -- Mihoshi got 
embarrassed trying to explain that Tenchi asked her to stay with the crew 
on Earth. 

Frito: Yeah, and it don't have to be happenin' no more! Hey, Author -- 
she's a major babe! You can make 'er as bold as ya want! Where's your 
otaku self-respect?

Lyra looks at Windir, and they both break out laughing.

>  Yukinojo's voice rang out from the command center. "Mihoshi!" 
>  Mihoshi stumbled into the command center, stubbing her toes against 
>an overturned chair. "Ouch! My foot!" She began leaping around, her 
>injured foot in her hands. "Ow!Ow!Ow!Ow!" 
>  "Mihoshi! Mihoshi! MIHOSHI!" the computer was shouting now, 
>its articulated head bobbing up and down in agitation. 
>  "Hmm?" Looking up from her foot, Mihoshi noticed that several 
>alarms were ringing now. "What's going on, Yukinojo?" 
>  "What's happening, Mihoshi?" Sasami inquired, stepping carefully 
>around the overturned chair. 
>  "Mihoshi, sensors are picking up an anomalous energy surge ahead 
>of us." Yukinojo moved closer to Mihoshi. "Regulation 167 sub- 
>paragraph 4 states that all anomalous energy readings should be  
>investigated." 

Windir: Again, this reaction is rather overblown for Yukinojo... 
particularly given the nature of the situation that lead him to page her. 
Even the alarm when Kagato was sighted, in OAV 4, was more restrained 
than this.

>Chapter 2 - Through the Looking Glass 
> 
> 
>Deep within the sub-dimension that she called home, the self- 
>proclaimed'Most Intelligent (not to mention the Cutest) Scientist  
>in the Universe'sat securely in the center of an enormous contrap- 
>tion of her own design. While the intrinsic workings of the device 
>were far beyond the comprehension of anyone not familiar with the 
>tenets of dimensional physics, temporal mechanics, and advanced 
>subspace engineering, it's function was easily explainable - the 
>device scanned the dimensions and located any and all unusual 
>phenomenon. It also served as a nifty cross-dimensional  
>communications device. 

Lyra: Heh.

>  Washu rubbed her chin, deep in thought. "Tell you what... if you 
>send me all your information and notes regarding these so-called 
>'Flowers of Life', then I'll be more than happy to design you 
>a system to obtain and utilize the bio-energy from them. I might 
>even throw in a few other gadgets, too, since you're such a  
>cutie." She winked at him. "How about a space fold drive that 
>operates at much higher velocities than the FTL drives you're  
>using now?" 

Windir: Ahem. *interesting* crossover. Is it not stretching things rather 
far, however, even for a joke?

Lyra: A bit much?

Windir: Crossover cameo appearences are indeed traditional, and it is 
also traditional in humorous fanfictions to have one of the characters in 
the 'main' story play an important behind-the-scenes role in the 'cameo' 
crossover. However, there comes a point when the 'important role' is 
stretched too far for even the credibility of a humorous story. This 
particular cameo is pushing the line, if it has not already crossed it.

Lyra: <Dubiously> You're sure.

Frito: Don'tcha see?! It's part of my evil plan! All da authors start 
puttin' all kinds a weird crossovers into da fics, until even *dey* can't 
tell which one is up! Then dey all have ta go back ta writin' their real 
inner feelins', da thing dat's at the heart of all fanfics...

Windir: <Wearily> And that is, Frito?

Frito: Hentai! And once everyone's readin' and writin' hentai fics, 
dey'll accept me as their natural leader... and I'll TAKE OVER DA WORLD!

Lyra: <Aside to Windir> You haven't been letting him watch *that show* 
again, have you?

>Washu frowned as data scrolled across her screen. Someone, or  
>something, was actively attempting to block her scans of the 
>warp. Pausing to crack her knuckles, Washu chuckled. "So, you  
>think you can keep the Greatest Mind in the Universe from 
>learning your secrets? Guess again!" 
>  She hadn't even begun her assault when a second alarm went 
>off. Calling up another screen, she saw a Galaxy Police cruiser 
>heading straight for the warp. Having repaired that exact same 
>cruiser several times, she knew immediately whose ship it was. 
>"What in the world is that bubblehead up to? She's going to-" 
>  The cruiser touched the event horizon of the warp, and there 
>was a sudden flash of brilliant white light. When the light 
>faded, both the warp and Mihoshi's ship were gone. 
>  "Not good." Washu muttered to herself, calling up several 
>scanning programs. "Definitely not good." 

Windir: Again, very much in character. Nonsensical crossovers aside, the 
author has a good grasp of Washu -- especially if one takes the <wince> 
dub factor as given.

>"Captain's Log : Stardate 26594.92. We've successfully repaired 
>the Gojius Deep Space Relay station and are en route to StarBase 
>221. We'll be passing close to the Neutrol Zone, but despite 
>recent Romulan activity along the border I don't expect there 
>to be any problems. The whole crew is looking forward to some 
>much-deserved shore leave." 

Frito: Ah, *now* we get ta da good part!

Windir: Indeed.

Lyra: <Looking puzzledly back and forth between the two> *Good* part? I 
always thought Trek was, well... kind of boring.

Windir: It is far worse than that; it is one of the most mind-benumbingly 
infantile examples of science fiction to ever appear in the universe, let 
alone the screen, small *or* large. It attracts minds in only the most 
immature state. Case in point. <Nods at Frito>

Lyra: Then why...

Windir: You think I would not look forward to seeing it... 'sent up,' I 
believe the vulgar term is?

Frito: Hey, check out da babes! They gonna bring on one of them green 
Orion females dis time 'round?

Windir: <Sigh>

[Editor's note: Hey, it wasn't all *that* bad.]

Windir: This coming from someone who only bothered to get two of the 
seven movies on tape?

>  "Possibly." Picard agreed, thinking. "If so, we should check for 
>survivors. And if it *was* an experiment inside the Neutral Zone, 
>then we should check that out as well." 
>  Riker allowed a slight smile to cross his features. "Yes, sir." 
>  Picard returned to his seat. "Full Stop. Mister Worf, prepare a  
>Class 4 probe. Send it to the Hrakkin system. Let's see what's going 
>on there." 
>  "Yes, sir." Worf replied. 
>  "Full stop, sir." Data reported. 
>  "So much for our shore leave." Riker muttered. 

Lyra: Not much I can say about this whole section. It read... well, like 
Star Trek. A pretty good job, really; as good as a lot of the Trek novels 
I've... oops. <She clamps her hand over her mouth and blushes>

Windir sighs and shakes his head. Frito, on the other hand, cackles and 
slaps her on the shoulder.

Frito: I *knew* it! I *knew* you had ta be foolin'!

Lyra: <Muttered> Well, at least he's not rubbing it in *too* hard.

>  "You mean we're lost?" Mihoshi whimpered, tears beginning 
>to form in her eyes. Sasami's giggle made Mihoshi start. "Sasami! 
>Sasami, where are you?" 
>  "Over here." the girl replied from near a window. "Come look at  
>the view, Mihoshi! It's pretty!" 
>  "Mrrow!" 
>  Mihoshi stumbled over to her. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" 
>  "Of course not." Sasami answered her. "That was a fun ride. Do 
>you have that much fun all the time?" 
>  "Fun? N-no, not all the time, no." Mihoshi stared out the  
>window at the barren planet that was hanging there, and the 
>dim red sun beyond. "Oh, dear." 
>  Sasami concluded that Mihoshi found the sight beautiful 
>as well. After all, it had brought her to tears. 

Lyra: Another nice character bit with Mihoshi and Sasami. 

>---------------------------------------------------------- 
>
>That's the end of Chapter 2. Whatcha think? 

Lyra: Well... Either the chapters are pretty short, or else the author's 
spending a lot of time doing setup. The whole point of the fic seems to 
be the Mihoshi/Star Trek crossover, and we don't see them actually meet 
until Chapter 4. The story pacing is fine as you're reading it, for the 
most part; it just feels strange seeing so many chapters go by without 
getting to the main point of the fic.

Windir: Although, you must consider the nature of the original source 
material.

Lyra: Huh?

Windir: Do remember, in the original OAV series, we didn't see a hint of 
the actual conflict in the series until the end of OAV 4 -- and that out 
of a six-part series. Indeed, we didn't meet Mihoshi herself until OAV 4, 
and didn't meet Washu until -- was it OAV 5 or OAV 6?

Lyra: <Sigh> I hate it when you're right. Never mind, I guess.

Frito: Ahhh, I'm bored. Wake me up when it gets interestin', right? <He 
crosses his arms and leans back against the lower part of the podium, 
faking sleep>
 
>  Data's hands went to work. "Low-energy plasma. The rate of 
>emmission is varying sporadically, and is consistent with the 
>uncontrolled lost of previously contained material." 
>  Riker suppressed a smile. "It sprang a leak, whatever 'it' 
>is." 
>  "Yes, sir." Data replied, turning slightly to favor Riker 
>with a look. "That is what I said." 

Lyra: Heh.

>Yukinojo bobbed in agitation. "Mihoshi, I have completed the system 
>diagnostics." There was no reply. "Mihoshi? Mihoshi!" 
>  Mihoshi's muffled voice came from under the command console. "So  
>*that's* where that book went! I always wondered what-" 
>  "MIHOSHI!" 
>  "Mmm?" Her head popped up. "What is it, Yukinojo?" 
>  "I said that I have completed the system diagnostics." the 
>computer replied. "I have prepared a list of damaged systems." 
>  "Oh, okay." She climbed out from under the console, a dog-eared 
>'Solarian Romance' novel clutched protectively to her breast. "What 
>kind of damage?" 

Frito: And what kinda stuff did they *have* in that novel, little girl? 
<Leers at the screen>

>  "What about Ryo-Ohki?" Sasami asked, picking the cabbit up and  
>holding her close. "She can turn into a spaceship." 
>  "While my programming strongly rejects the idea of relying on a 
>known criminal starship for assistance, that may be our only  
>choice." Yukinojo acknowledged. 

Windir: This strikes a false note. After the scene where Mihoshi first 
meets Ryoko and Ryo-ohki, I do not believe any of the cast ever refer to 
their criminal pasts -- particularly Ryo-ohki's past. Now, this has been 
something of an occasional puzzle among Tenchi Muyo viewers --

Frito: <Looking bored and slightly disgruntled> Ahh, pull the other one, 
it's got bells on.

Windir: -- and it is reasonable to assume that the author may be 
attempting to remedy that inattention, the inattention needs to be at 
least acknowledged -- perhaps by having Mihoshi or Sasami note that it's 
not been an issue before.

>  "Stranded?" Mihoshi muttered again, tears beginning to flow. 
>  "There is one other problem." the ship's computer added. "I do 
>not believe we are in our home dimension any longer. The space- 
>time rip we passed through was powerful enough to catapult us 
>into any number of alternate dimensions." A screen appeared, 
>data flowing across it faster than Sasami could read. "Data 
>gathered by the sensors before the main array was damaged  
>definitely indicates that we passed through at least 14 distinct 
>dimensions before coming to a stop here." 

Lyra: <Sly smile> And how many of those dimensions do'ya think they'll 
have to pass through before coming back home?

Frito: Hey, that's it! Author, make sure they visit the Sorority Girls 
from Planet Playtex on the way back!

Windir: Frito, this is *not* Bloom County.

Frito: And why ain't it?

>  "Oh my God! We're stranded!!" Mihoshi cried, falling backwards 
>into her seat. "We'll never get back!" 
> 
>--- 
> 
>"It's not Romulan, then." Riker noted. 
>  Data nodded. "Indeed. This craft does not match any known 
>Romulan design scheme, past or present. Further, it does not 
>match any known design for any of the races encountered by the 
>Federation up to this time." 

Lyra: This chapter and the next do a lot of nice cutting back-and-forth 
between scenes with Mihoshi and scenes with the Trek crew. An effective 
way of contrasting the different views of the situation (and the 
different universes).

>  Picard half-turned as the turbo-lift doors swished open and 
>Councillor Troi stepped onto the bridge. "Ah, Councillor. We seem 
>to have a quandry on our hands." He turned back to Data. "Any life 
>signs?" 
>  "The probe's sensors indicate three possible life forms on the 
>craft. Two are confirmed as humanoid life forms." 
>  "And the third?" Troi asked, joining the group that had 
>gathered around Data's console. 

Frito: Hey, where's da miniskirt!?!

Lyra: Miniskirt? 

Windir: Frito's mind -- although he has finally abandoned his incoherent 
refusal to acknowledge the Next Generation -- is, I fear indelibly rooted 
in The Original Series. Therefore, all women on the crew need to be 
wearing cute uniform miniskirts.

Lyra: Hmph. That getup *she* wears isn't far from one.

Frito: <Sulking> It still ain't da same.

>  "Actually, Mihoshi." Yukinojo pointed out. "All I said was that 
>it was extremely likely that we were not in our home dimension 
>any longer. There is a .52 percent chance that we returned to our 
>home dimension before the effects of the space-time rip faded." 

Lyra: Wow, what a chance.

>********** 
> 
>Chapter 4 - Take Me to Your Leader 

Lyra: Yipe! <Grins> 

Frito: Hey, nobody told me I was gonna be in dis fic!

>  Troi thought for a moment. "There are three distinct personalities 
>present on that ship. One is quite calm, almost amused, and very 
>curious. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was the mind of a 
>child. The second is on the verge of - no, beyond the verge of panic. 
>I'm having a hard time picking up distinct emotional impressions from 
>that one." 
>  "I'd probably be on the verge of panic myself if I was in their 
>position." Riker observed. 

Lyra: Hmmmm. Really, Riker? Mr. Smooth-move Bland-face himself?

>  "An hour! We have to wait an hour before we can talk to them!? 
>Is that what you're telling me?" Mihoshi looked at Yukinoko's 
>articulated "head" with tear-filled eyes. "What'll we do?" 
>  "Mihoshi?" Sasami asked, but the distraught woman wasn't 
>paying any attention to her. "Mihoshi?" 
>  "Meow?" 
>  Sighing softly, Sasami looked down at her feet and was silent 
>for a moment. When she looked back up, her eyes were glistening  
>with tears. "Mihoshi?" she said softly, her voice quavering, 
>"I'm scared." 
>  Mihoshi's eyes flicked over the the young girl who was gazing 
>up at her pleadingly. Taking a deep breath, she wiped her eyes  
>and glanced at the display, where the unidentified ship was 
>hanging motionless. "No need to be afraid, Sasami." she said 
>softly. Then, louder, "I am a member of the Galaxy Police. We're 
>trained to handle any situation with professionalism and calm!" 
>She began to smile. "There's nothing to fear! Nothing at all!" 
>  A slight smile flashed across Sasami's features. "Really?" 

Windir: Ahh, the appearance of Sasami the Manipulator.

Lyra: What?

Windir: It is a common theory among Tenchi fans -- based largely on the 
'shojo manga' incident in OAV 7, "The Night Before the Carnival" -- that 
Sasami is more than just a kawaii young girl, that she is actually an 
adroit manipulator. Often with a sense of mischief. The theory points out 
that there are several scenes -- like the one where she looks in on Ryoko 
and Ayeka doing 'research' in Tenchi's father's manga library, and 
giggles -- that suggest that she not only recognizes the mistake the two 
are making in trying to gain Tenchi's love that way, but that she even 
*encourages* that mistake by making comments like "It's about how they 
fall in love Earth-style."

Lyra: Oh.

Windir: In this case, the author suggests that Sasami is pretending to be 
scared in order to give Mihoshi someone to set an example for. 

>  As the transporter field faded, they got their first look at 
>the unidentified ship's crew. 
> 
>--- 
> 
>Mihoshi abruptly realized that she was no longer in her closet. 
>A second later she realized that there was a crowd of strangers 
>staring at her. Or, more correctly, trying to avoid staring at 
>her. "W- w- what's g-going on?" 
>  There was a tug on her pant leg. Sasami whispered "Mihoshi!  
>You're top's not on!" 
>  "What?" Looking down, she realized that Sasami was right. Then 
>she remembered - she had been rooting through a pile of clothes, 
>looking for a clean vest and shirt after taking off her tear-soaked  
>ones... after taking off... "AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!" 

Lyra snickers. Windir struggles with himself before letting out a 
chuckle. Frito leaps in the air and cheers.

Frito: Woo, WOO! It's about *time* ya got ta this! 

Frito looks avidly up at the screen. His eyes are beginning to glaze.

>  Sasami jumped off of the transporter pad to get clear of  
>Mihoshi's flailing arms. "Hello." 
>  From her position on Sasami's head, Ryo-Ohki blinked. "Meow." 
>  Riker cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Hello. Sorry for 
>bringing you here on such short notice..." He glanced at the 
>transporter pad. 
>  Mihoshi was a blur of motion as she attempted to both cover 
>herself and pull on the vest she was holding. "Oh my! Oh my! This 
>is sooooo embarassing! Oh, God, why doesn't this fit? Oh, my!" 

Lyra and Windir are laughing openly now. Frito is still staring fixedly 
at the screen; a trickle of drool starts out of the corner of his mouth. 
After a moment, the captive pair break off laughing to look at Frito.

>  Averting his eyes, Riker continued, "... but we had no other 
>way to contact you." He straightened. "I'm Commander William Riker, 
>and you're aboard the Federation starship Enterprise." 
>  "Pleased to meet you." Sasami gushed, thrusting out a hand. "My 
>name is Sasami." 
>  Riker took her hand in his and shook it. "Sasami, is it?" 

Lyra: Hmm. I would have expected him to be a little condescending, here 
-- patting her on the head, or bending over to smile at her, or something.

>  Before Sasami could reply, Mihoshi's wild gyrations brought her to 
>the edge of the transporter pad. Her foot slipped over the edge, and 
>she yelped a piercing "YAAIIEE!" as she lost her balance and tumbled  
>off the pad.  
>  "Look out!" Riker yelled, grabbing Sasami and dodging to one side. 
>  Mihoshi tumbled past them, shrieking all the way, and crashed into 
>a startled Worf and his two security men in a blur of arms and legs. 
>From somewhere within the pile, a female voice muttered a single word. 
>"Ouch." 

Both Windir and Lyra break out laughing again.

Windir: *Perfectly* in character! The execution could be improved just a 
bit, but... 

Lyra: Who cares, right? <Smiles>

>  Riker jumped to his feet and ran over to the tangle of bodies. 
>"Worf!" 
>  The two security men climbed to their feet, revealing the Klingon 
>beneath, Mihoshi (still shirt-less) lying on top of him. He spat out 
>a lock of blonde hair and grimmaced. "I'm here, Commander." 

Frito is still staring at the screen; then, a tic starts twitching in his 
cheek.

>  "Are you alright, Lieutenant?" Doctor Crusher inquired, leaning over 
>him with a tricorder. 
>  "I will be, Doctor," Worf barked angrily, "as soon as you get this... 
>this 'person' off of me!" 
>  "Miss Mihoshi?" Riker asked, touching her softly on the shoulder. 
>  "Mmmm?" Mihoshi mumbled, raising her head up and looking around the 
>room. "What happened?" Then she glanced down into a the face of an  
>extremely irritated Lieutenant Worf and her face went pale. "Eeep." 

Lyra: Another nice in-character bit.

>  "Mihoshi!" Sasami said, pulling on one of Mihoshi's arms. "Mihoshi, 
>get up!" 
>  She looked at Sasami, then back down at Worf. "What? OH! Oh, yes. 
>I- I'm sorry, so very sorry." She climbed unsteadily to her feet. 
>  "Mihoshi." Sasami said simply, holding out her shirt and vest. 
>  Looking down, her face went chalk-white. Mihoshi snatched the  
>clothing from Sasami's hands and clamped it to her breast. "Oh, this 
>is so embarrassing." 

With a sudden *ting*, Frito stiffens, then falls over unconscious.

Windir & Lyra: Frito!

Frito stirs, and slowly sits up.

Frito: Ah, my *head*... OUCH! <Winces> Wha happen... HEY! <Slumps back 
dizzily> Who tied you two up?

Lyra: Ah... you did, Frito.

Frito: WHAT?!?

Lyra and Windir look at each other.

Lyra: You don't suppose...

Windir: It would be a wonderfully ironic twist, would it not?

Windir & Lyra: <In unison> His hentai thoughts burned away the meglomania 
pills?

Frito: <Looking plaintively between the two> I don't unnerstand.

Lyra: Don't worry, Frito, we'll explain later. Now GET US OUT OF THESE 
ROPES!

>Picard let his eyes wander across the command officers seated before 
>him. He allowed each of them time to collect their thoughts before  
>speaking. "So what do we know about our guests?" 
>  Geordi LaForge spoke first. "Well, Captain, we've thoroughly  
>scanned their ship. There doesn't seem to be any major structural 
>damage, and their on-board systems can repair most of the sub-systems 
>that *were* damaged." 

Windir: Whew. <Shakes his arms out with dignity> That's much better.

Lyra: Speaking of 'breathing easier'... <grins> You don't suppose you 
could try double-spacing between paragraphs? It would make things easier 
to read.

>  "Most of them?" Riker asked. 
>  "Yes, sir." Geordi rose and walked over to the wall display. He 
>called up a schematic of the ship's drive systems. "Their engine 
>system were badly damaged. The materials used in the construction 
>of their drive system are rather unique." 
>  "Can't we simply replicate the required materials?" Picard asked. 
>  "Doubtful, sir." Data answered. "Our scans of the ship also 
>revealed that it has undergone a quantum shift, resulting in the 
>ship's materials being out of phase with our own. It would be 
>extremely difficult to replicate materials with the same phasic 
>shift, and utilizing materials without the shift could have 
>catastrophic results." 

Lyra: Oh? How conveeeeeennnient.

Frito: <Raising a fist in the air> Treknobabble strikes again!

>  "So they're not of this dimension?" Worf grumbled. "That would explain 
>many things." 
>  "Still sore, Lieutenant?" Riker dead-panned. He turned to Councillor 
>Troi. "Deanna, have you sensed anything more from them?" 

Lyra: Not bad. It's coming from Riker, but still... not bad. 

>  "Possibly, sir." Geordi answered. "The ship is enveloped in a  
>reversed neutrino field, which would weaken the beam considerably. We'd 
>need to re-configure the tractor beam emitters to counter the effects 
>of the field, and to account for the phasic shift." 
>  "How long?" Picard asked. 
>  "An hour, maybe more." 

Frito: Yaaaayy! Treknobabble to da rescue! Gots yourself a plot problem? 
Just use treknobabble! Only $19.95 at yer local plot device store!

>  Riker smiled. "Hard to describe, sir." He looked at Worf. "A ditzy 
>blonde, a young girl, and a small fuzzy animal. Hardly what I would  
>call a competent crew." 
>  "Agreed." Worf hissed through his teeth. "Especially that.... that 
>'Policewoman.'" He looked at Picard. "If she is a typical example of 
>a law enforcement officer, then I would hate to see what the 
>criminals are like." 

Lyra: Another good line. There are several good ones scattered throughout 
the story.

>  Picard nodded slowly. "Perhaps, but it would be premature to judge 
>an entire culture on the actions of one individual." He rose to his 
>feet. "Picard to Crusher." 
>  "Crusher here, Captain." There was a muffled crash in the background, 
>and an unidentified woman shouted "Oh, my!" 
>  Picard exchanged baffled looks with Riker. "Is everything alright, 
>Doctor?" 
>  "Perfectly, Jean-Luc." came the reply. "We've just had a small  
>accident down here. Nothing we can't take care of." Another crash. 
>"I think." 

All three chuckle.

Lyra: I wonder what happened?

Frito: I think we're gonna find out!

>Beverly sighed and shook her head slowly. "There's no need to apolgize, 
>Mihoshi. That med table was old and in need of replacing anyway." 
>  "Are you sure?" Mihoshi asked, staring at the bits of optical 
>conduit and electronic components poking out of the med table. "I 
>mean, all I did was bump into it, and..." 

Windir: I would agree with a previous commentator, who suggested that she 
actively poke at something to cause this.

>  "I said that it was okay." Beverly said. "Honestly, it is." 
>  "Well, if you say so..." Mihoshi said slowly. 
>  Turning away from the mess, Beverly motioned to one of the med 
>techs. "Run a micro-cellular scan on her, please." Almost as an 
>afterthought, she added, "Be sure to check for abnormal neural 
>activity, too." 
>  "Yes, ma'am." the tech replied, somewhat nervously. 

Lyra: I'm not terribly surprised. <Grins>

Frito: Yah, 'specially if the tech is male -- whatta babe!

Windir: I *don't* think that's what the author had in mind, Frito.

>  "Nevermind." To Ryo-Ohki she said, "Let's see if I can get you 
>some carrots." Beverly walked over to the replicator. "Computer, I'd 
>like three Earth-specific carrots." There was a brief pause, then  
>the replicator hummed and three perfectly formed carrots appeared  
>in the opening. "Ah, here we are, just li-" 
>  In a blur of motion, Ryo-Ohki leapt up to the replicator, grabbed 
>the carrots, and ran back to her position beside Sasami where she  
>began munching happily. 

Frito: Aww. Ryo-chan didn't look back up at her and meow?

>  "Ah... right. Okay," Beverly flipped the tricorder open, "Let's 
>start with you then, Ryo-Ohki." Before she could start, however, she 
>was interrupted by a piercing shriek from the opposite end of sick bay. 
>"What is it now?" Beverly turned to see the med tech who had been  
>running the micro-cellular scan on Mihoshi dashing across the room. 
>  Mihoshi had leapt to her feet and was spinning in a flailing 
>circle. "Oh no! Where is it! I just had it, where could it have 
>gone?!" Her voice was increasing in pitch with each revolution. "I 
>can't have lost it, I just *CAN'T*!" 
>  Sasami jumped from the bed. "Mihoshi! What's wrong?" 
>  Beverly positioned herself for a flying tackle, then thought better 
>of it. "Miss Mihoshi! Please *CALM DOWN*!" she shouted. "If you'll 
>tell us what's wrong, I'm sure we can help you." 

Frito: *Now* we're picking up steam!

Windir: Yes. This chapter (and to a lesser degree the previous one) are 
where the story really seems to find its footing and proceed. 

>  "Wrong? What's wrong? *Everything's* wrong!" Mihoshi shrieked. 
>"First Ryoko blows up the bathroom, then we get stuck in an alternate 
>dimension, and my chest gets exposed to half the galaxy..." 
>  "There were six people, Mihoshi." Sasami pointed out. 

Windir: The protest *does* seem a little strong. Or perhaps the wording 
is off; it doesn't sound quite right, even for Mihoshi. Especially for 
Mihoshi. 

>  Picard looked around the bridge, thinking. "What function does this 
>'cube' of yours perform, that you need it so badly?" 
>  Mihoshi shifted her weight from foot to foot. "Well, it's a standard 
>control cube... you use it to transport from place to place, to summon 
>important items, to... um...." she scratched her head, "to... well, it 
>makes some excellent coffee, by the way. Did I mention that?" 

Lyra: He he he...

>  Picard leaned to the side. "Councillor?" 
>  "I sense no deception from her, Captain." Troi answered. "She *is* 
>desperate to get this cube of hers back, but there's no malice in her 
>desire for it." Troi concentrated for a moment. "If anything, I think 
>the device is more of a security blanket for her." 

Windir: At last, some intelligent analysis.

>  Riker, who had been listening carefully, nodded. "It might be worth 
>it to get this cube for her," he glanced at Mihoshi, who was still  
>listing uses for her control cube, "if it will serve to calm her down." 
>  "Good point, Number One." Picard agreed. "Considering the damage 
>done to sick b-" 

Frito: You ain't kiddin'!

>  "Captain," Worf interrupted, "We're being hailed." 
>  Riker jumped to his feet. "Romulans?" 
>  "Negative, sir." Worf frowned. "The signal is coming from her ship."  
>He indicated Mihoshi with a curt nod. 
>  "...hot chocolate, although I haven't quite figured out how to get 
>it to add those teeny marshmallows..." 
>  "I thought there wasn't anyone else aboard." Picard turned to face 
>Worf. "Did our scans miss something?" 
>  "Scans still show no life signs aboard that vessel." Data replied. 
>  "Then who the hell is hailing us?" Riker inquired. 

Lyra: This seems a little out of character; after all, they've certainly 
dealt with automatic hails/computer communication before.

>  "There's one way to find out." Picard rose to his feet and tugged 
>the hem of his shirt. "Mister Worf, on screen." 
>  The view of Mihoshi's ship winked out and was replaced by the 
>face of Yukinojo. "Mihoshi! What happened to you!" 
>  "...and it's great at emptying out the trash containers on the 
>ship," Mihoshi grimmaced, "they get so yucky sometimes. It's also 
>good for getting those little dust rabbits out from under the-" 

Lyra: I like this whole sequence with Mihoshi and the cube; a definitely 
gifted passage.

>  "Mihoshi." Picard stepped up to her. "Who is that?" 
>  "Oh, that's just Yukinojo." She smiled. "My ship's computer. Why?" 
>  "Computer." Riker sighed wearily, falling back into his seat. 
>"I'm getting too old for this." He glanced over at Troi, who was 
>trying to stifle a smile. "What?" 

Lyra: Heh.

Windir: Another nicely-done character passage, even if it is founded upon 
an improbability.

>  Picard sighed. "Transporter room three? Energize." 
>  "Perhaps we could leave her over there." Worf wondered aloud. 
>  Riker laughed. "Why, Mister Worf. She's hour guest. It would be rude 

Lyra: Er... 'our' guest.

>not to bring her back." 
>  "Perhaps, Commander, but it would also be safer." Worf's attention 
>was drawn to a warning tone. "Captain! Romulan warbird decloaking!" 
>  "Red alert!" Riker commanded. "On screen!" 
>  The main viewscreen shimmered, changing to reveal a Romulan warship 
>decloaking directly opposite Mihoshi's ship. 

Windir: <Sigh> Deux ex machina. Or perhaps a better term would be diable 
ex machina. Despite the somewhat heavy-handed hints the author dropped in 
earlier chapters, I *do* wish he had resisted pulling in Romulans for no 
apparent reason.

Frito: Aw, come on! Give him a break!

Lyra: I'm a bit dubious, but shouldn't we wait and see what he's going to 
do with them? After all, the author *did* suggest this was a possibility. 
Several times.

>  "Captain, their weapons are armed and locking on us!" Worf reported. 
>  "Transporter room three, get Mihoshi back here!" Riker ordered. 
>  "I've lost the lock on her, sir." the transporter tech replied. "I 
>can't re-establish it!" 
>  "Is it the Romulans?" Picard asked. 
>  Data checked his console. "Negative, Captain. The transporter is being 
>blocked by a randomized ionic field. The field is not being generated 
>by the Romulan ship." 
>  "Then who?" Picard inquired. 
>  Data paused. "Unknown." 

Windir: <Sigh> More treknobabble.

>And so ends chapter 5. Anyone care to guess who's behind the 
>"randomized ionic field" and other assorted problems, besides 
>Mihoshi herself? 

Windir: Hmmm. Not Mihoshi, not Washu...

Frito: Could it be...

Lyra: The author? <Grins maliciously>

[Editor's note: All right, now that we've managed to get through *this* 
one while narrowly averting grievous harm. So... what'd you think?]

Frito: Erm... I can't remember most of it.

Windir: Hardly surprising, Frito. As for myself... I liked it a great 
deal, once it got up to speed, and several of the scenes between Mihoshi 
and the Enterprise crew were simply classic. However, there is an 
over-reliance on treknobabble, and there were some points -- particularly 
in the early going -- when the characters' speech patterns didn't ring 
quite true.

Lyra: <Grimacing> Well... what he said, for the most part. I was a little 
less picky on the dialog, but I agree the author was tossing a few too 
many buzzwords around; it looked like he was trying to use 'em as an easy 
way to close off obvious solutions to the problems. A 'quantum/phasic 
shift' that keeps them from repairing the drive, because the materials 
don't match? Wouldn't that also cause Mihoshi, Sasami, and Ryo-ohki to be 
out of phase with the rest of the crew? Aside from that, though, I also 
liked it, and I also thought there were some *delicious* moments. <Grins> 
Waiting for the next one...



Travis Butler
(The Professor, formerly of Myth and Magick!, Lawrence, KS;
 tbutler@tfs.net, now from the Wandering Powerbook;
 <http://www.tfs.net/personal/tbutler/>;
 Mac page <http://www.tfs.net/business/tbutler/>)

...Cats are the proof of a higher purpose to the universe.