Fan-fictions: The dark frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Brian Drummond. It's eternal mission (without possibility of parole) to MST the lemons, to mock the darkfics, to boldly go where no fic should dare to go (though usually it's kicking and screaming that gets us there). Weber-san has come to an important decision. He has been isolated from his crew, kept seperate from them. Today, and forever onward, he will join them in their MSTs of these lousy fics. In order for that to happen, someone else has to control the USS Brian Drummond. To that end, he gives the command chair to Rei Ayanami. He joins his crew now, none of whom are owned by him, all used without permission. Please don't sue him, as he isn't making a profit on this. Roll Call: Bryan Weber: The things I do for ratings (sigh) Prince Vegeta: Why am I here? Zechs Merquise: This ought to be good for a laugh. Ryoko: Can we go yet? And ship's commander: Rei Ayanami: It's my link to people everywhere. Bryan sighed, "Could you just pour rubbing alcohol over the welts, Ayeka?" "What? I don't understand." "Well, it doesn't really sting at the moment. So if you'd be so kind as to pour rubbing alcohol on the welts, or maybe salt in the ones that are actually bleeding..." "Just why am I doing this for you, anyway?" "Because I'm going into an MST with Ryoko and Vegeta, and I needed to test my threshhold of pain. Fourty lashes didn't do much, so I guess I'm ready." Ayeka pours rubbing alcohol on his back. He sighs contentedly, "MMmmmmm. Yeah. Now that stings. And it disinfects, too." "You...you're enjoying this, aren't you?" "I got beat up alot as a kid. Pain and I are old aquaintances. Holodeck off." Ayeka vanished from sight, and the room became a yellow grid again. Rei contacted Bryan at that moment, "We have a fanfic. It's not pretty, either." "Another Suzuki peice?" "No. A lemon. I've assembled the others, and they're waiting for you." :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Bryan: Well gang, here I am. Ryoko: Great. So sit down and shut up already. Zechs: Don't mind her. She's just upset because this is supposed to be a lemon. Vegeta: If it's another Sasami lemon, I'm going out there and toasting a few writers. Bryan: Shhhh. It's starting. Disclaimer: This is a Tenchi Muyo lemon. This means two things. Bryan: It's gonna suck Vegeta: And it's gonna be MSTed. One, that the characters herein belong to AIC and Pioneer LDC. Two, this story contains sex. Lots of sex. Hot, freaky, lesbian sex! Bryan(at full attention): Hmmmmm. Ryoko: If this is an Ayeka/Ryoko pair up, I am gonna find this writer. Zechs: We're in trouble. Vegeta: I've got your back, Zechs. If you're under eighteen years of age, stop reading. Hey, what I just get done telling you?! Stop reading! Stop! STOP READING, YA LITTLE PUNK! Oh well, it's not as if we can reach through the phone lines and strangle you. (Authors try for several minutes without success.) Bryan: How unusual. Most lemon writers don't make that much effort. Well, anyway, I guess we have no choice but to assume you are of age. Some of you may wonder why we wrote this fic. Ryoko: Hentai no baka. Simple. (Grins) Someone told us it couldn't be done. Vegeta: And how we wish they were right. On with the fic! Zechs: No. Please. Not on with the fic. Not on with the fic. Bryan: You're fighting the inevitable, you realize. Lunch Date Minagi All: WHO? Rei(on Speakers): Ryoko's twin sister from the manga. All: Oh. Ryoko: I have a sister? had always gotten along reasonably well with Princess Ayeka, Ryoko: Some sister she is. so when the Jurain noblewoman asked Minagi to have lunch with her in the Ryu-Oh unit, Minagi thought nothing of it and showed up on time carrying a bottle of sake with her, her contribution to the meal. Vegeta: Well, she's as cheap as you are, Ryoko. No salad. No fruit. Bryan: Actually, if the disclaimer was any indication, we're about to see lots of "fruit". Ryoko(draws sword): Say it again, and you'll be eating all your meals through a straw in your neck. Ayeka met her at the door and invited her inside with a smile. Ayeka had everthing set up already. A table and chairs had come from somewhere, and the meal Ayeka had prepared was nothing short of exquisite, All: AYEKA CAN'T COOK! which was odd considering the Princess couldn't cook to save her life. Bryan: I wonder if Sasami knew what her hard work was being used for. Zechs: If she's involved in this, then the author needs to meet the REAL oujo-sama. Ryoko: Sasami isn't what I'd call a devious person. Ayeka probably told her it was for Tenchi. Ayeka sat her down and poured her a glass of wine. Minagi took a sip, and her eyes widened in shock. Jurain cherry wine was a very rare brand. Bryan: Nearly as difficult to find as JURAIAN cherry wine. Vegeta: Sheesh. You'd think Suzuki was spelling this. She and Ayeka had lunch and talked. Ryoko(Ayeka): Tell me more about my eyes. Zechs(Minagi): So, you had Sasami cook, did you? Ayeka made sure that Minagi's glass was never empty, and after an hour, Minagi felt her nose begin to go numb, Ryoko: Thus indicating that she was nowhere near as good as me at this sort of thing. Bryan: Do you want to think about what you just said. Ryoko:....D'oh! the surest sign that she was drinking too much. Ayeka smiled at her warmly and tried to pour her another. Ryoko: HEY! Don't take advantage of my sister when she's drunk! Bryan: YEAH! That's Ryoko's bit! Ryoko mallets Bryan. Bryan(weakly): Now I remember why I never came in here before. Minagi held her hand up. "Um...no, thank you, Ms. Ayeka, but I really have to be going." Zechs(Minagi): Since I only appear in one continuity, the writers have me on call 24-7. Ayeka looked a little disappointed. "Do you? I was hoping we could talk some more." Bryan: That line doesn't work for guys. What makes Ayeka think it'll work for her? Vegeta: 'Cause this is a lemon. Bryan: Oh. Right. She reached across the table and took Minagi's hand. Minagi gulped nervously. There was something wrong with this. Ryoko: Well, it's obvious that *I* got the brains in the family. Vegeta: I thought Washuu had the brains. Ryoko: You're asking for it, you know. She stood up. "Thank you, Ms. Ayeka, it was a wonderful lunch, really, but there are things I have to do today, Zechs(Minagi): And being molested by you wasn't on the list. and I..." She turned as she sputtered excuses. Behind her, she could hear the sound of Ayeka getting out of her chair. Minagi started toward the door... Ryoko: I'd have teleported away a loooooong time ago. Only to watch it slide shut in her face. She put her hand on the door and willed it to open, but it didn't respond. She turned to find Ayeka grinning at her, leaning against the table. Bryan: My, what big teeth you have. "Um...Ms. Ayeka?" The princess giggled and started toward her. Vegeta: It's either that Naga style laugh that the Japanese version used... Zechs: Or the Smurfette** cackle of the American version... Bryan: But either way, it's a sound that strikes terror into the hearts of men! Ryoko: Make it stop. Make it stop! Minagi took a step back and bumped into the wall. "Ms. Ayeka, really, I have to go!" Bryan(as Jeff Goldblum in Jurrasic Park): When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. Minagi decided that she would just have to be rude, and proceeded to phase herself through the wall. Ryoko: Thus ending the fic. Vegeta: You wish. Zechs: We ALL wish. Bryan: Well... Ryoko brandishes her sword. Bryan: Yep. Wish it was over. Nothing happened. She blinked in surprise and tried again, with a similar result. She turned to Ayeka in fear. Vegeta(as Minagi): Hey! No grabbing body parts to stop me from phasing! Another author used that already!(See WeberMST8) "My powers!" Ayeka smiled. "What did you think of the wine, Minagi?" Bryan: It was a bit sweet. I'd recommend it for a fish course. Ryoko: Do you want to think about what you just said? Bryan:(puzzled): I don't get it. Ryoko: What's supposed to smell like fish? Vegeta: He doesn't know, Ryoko. The boy's obviously never gone down... Bryan:(dawning comprehension): Oh sick! I'll never eat seafood again! Minagi blinked in confusion. "The chemists on Jurai worked for centuries to get this solution. It saps the power from life forms such as yourself and Ryoko. Ryoko: If the chemist on Jurai could come up with ANYTHING that could beat Washuu's works, I'd be surprised. Vegeta: Well, it could be worse. Ryoko: How so. Zechs: The stuff could double as an aphrodisiac. My father gave me the formula last time he was here...just in case." She giggled. Bryan: The horrible, inhuman sound! "I don't imagine he'd ever conceive of me using it like this!" Vegeta: Well, you did try to shack up with your brother, so I doubt he thought you were a lesbian. Bryan: You couldn't leave it alone, could you. You just HAD to bring up the incest, didn't you? Vegeta: So? Bryan: The thought makes me...ill. Minagi took a step back and noticed the wall there. "L-l-like what?" Ayeka grinned at her and nodded up at the ceiling. Minagi looked up just in time to see several vines strike down at her and wrap themselves around her arms and legs. Bryan: Whoah! Time out! The vines are not descended from the Overfiend! No naughty tenticles! Zechs: And how do YOU know about that? Bryan: It's on a list I found, Anime that gives Anime a bad name. It had titles, and plot synopsis. I wish I'd known before I got Wicked City. How that ended up on Colombia House's Best of Japanese Animation is beyond me. Minagi cried out and struggled, but the vines held her fast. Vegeta: While Ayeka decided to take it slow. Ryoko mallets Vegeta: That's my sister she's abusing! Her arms were pulled up over her head. She looked down and found that the ones around her legs were slowly pulling them apart. She looked up and saw Ayeka approaching her. "W..what do you think you're doing!? Let me down!" The vines pulled her upwards so that she was forced to stand on her tip toes. Ayeka grinned at her, placing her hands on Minagi's shoulders, she began to coo. Bryan: Coo. Coo. Say it twice and you have the author. "Shhhhhhh. It's okay. Just relax." Bryan: Like I said, it doesn't work for us guys. It shouldn't work for Ayeka. Zechs: Well, in this case, she has a captive audience. Ryoko: I've gotta make sure Tenchi never has lunch in Ryu-Oh with Ayeka. Bryan: Just send Sasami along as a chaperone. Vegeta: With the authors out there, that isn't such a good idea. Minagi tried to pull away from her, but the vines kept her from escaping. Ayeka stood on her tip toes and leaned forward, placing her hands on Minagi's pert breasts. Ryoko: What is it with her and grabbing other girls?! Zechs: Envy? Ryoko: Heh! I like that one. She whispered in Minagi's ear. Bryan(Ayeka as Elizabeth Hurley): I'm the Devil. "Most people don't see me like this," Ryoko: And they should thank whatever God there is. she whispered seductively. "Out there, I'm the prim, proper Princess Ayeka, Ryoko: How I miss her, all of a sudden. but you know what, I don't *like* the prim, proper princess Ayeka. I love Tenchi, of course, but sometimes...sometimes I just have let my other half out." Bryan (singing): This is the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... Zechs: Bonus points to anyone who can identify the band who's song Bryan is profaning. Bryan: Your singing voice isn't honeyed and sweet, either, y'know. Minagi swallowed nervously as she heard this. She was shaking in fear now, unsure of what the deranged princess had planned. Ryoko: Either Mom's asleep... Bryan: Or the wine cut off the telepathic link... Vegeta: OR, Ayeka paid her off. Ryoko smacks Vegeta in the face: My mother isn't a monster...like some people I could name. She felt something caressing her leg and looked down to find Ayeka running the tip of a riding crop up the inside of her thigh. Bryan: Um, I thought she had a whip, not a riding crop. Ryoko: Well, you can't play with the same toys forever, you know. Ayeka giggled. "I started doing this when I was fifteen. Bryan: Seven-hundred and five years later, she's still going strong. Ryoko: Where do you get 705? Bryan: The Role Playing book. It lists Ayeka's age as 720. Take away fifteen years, and you have 705. Vegeta: And considering how Juraians age, she must have been about Sasami's... Others mallet, shoot, and smash Vegeta. Bryan: That's enough of that, thank you. When you're surrounded by nothing but serving girls...you acquire a taste for them. Bryan: Well, I know *I* would. I admit, I've felt somewhat thrilled whenever Ryoko would show herself off. I could never let on, of course, I was the prim and proper Princess Ayeka, but...I always wanted her here where you are now." Ryoko(a really interesting shade of green): I did not need to know. The riding crop came up, gently grazing her stomach, up between her breasts until it was under her chin. Minagi's face was pushed upward. She blinked tears out of her eyes as she quivered with fear Bryan: OK, that's enough right there. I'm alright with lesbian sex. But a rape scene? Consider me nauseaous. Vegeta: Funny. I usually consider you nauseating. ..and something else. Ayeka grinned. "But I knew she would never submit to me. Not in the way you are going to." Ayeka blew in her ear. Minagi whimpered in fear Ryoko: Oh, that's it. Noone treats a member of my family this way! She is sooooo dead when I catch her. The riding crop went down her body again, stopping at her thigh. Ayeka began kissing her neck. Minagi's breath quickened. Suddenly she whimpered again. Ayeka had begun rubbing the riding crop between Minagi's legs, creating a pleasing friction between the fabric of her jumpsuit and her venus cleft. "I assure you," Ayeka whispered as she kissed her cheek. "You can find this quit pleasurable..." Vegeta: Uh-huh. Sure. Zechs: This is going to be an S&M fic, isn't it? Bryan: Oh good God!! Ryoko: He's not here right now. She kissed Minagi's lip, nibbling on it. Zechs(as Minagi): Note to self. Never use flavored lip gloss again. Oh, and kill Ayeka as soon as this is over. "If you let it...and obey." Minagi squirmed in her bonds again in another vain effort to escape. She felt the moisture between her legs as Ayeka rubbed the riding crop against her clit. "Ms. Ayeka...please, I..." she was cut off as Ayeka kissed her. Minagi's eyes went wide as she felt the princess' tongue enter her mouth. Ryoko: Bite her tongue off! Bite her tongue off! Bryan: That's it. I want my copy of Silence of the Lambs back at the end of the day. Suddenly, Ayeka stopped and stepped back. From her kimono she produced a wicked looking knife. Ryoko: She'd better be planning to cut her free, or else....(energy arcs around Ryoko) Others look on with sweatdrops. Minagi tensed. Ayeka smiled and began cutting away Minagi's clothes. Minagi felt the cold blade of the knife kiss her skin, followed shortly after by the noblewoman's lips and tongue. Before long, Minagi was nude, shaking in fear and a feeling she didn't understand. Bryan: It's called "being violated". It's not a pleasant sensation, and nobody deserves it. SO KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY! Ayeka tossed the knife to one side and began to remover her kimono. Minagi's eyes widened when she saw what Ayeka wore underneath. The princess stood before her arrayed in a black leather bra but no panties, revealing a thick tuft of purple hair between her legs. Bryan: I think we all saw in the OAVs that this was NOT the case. Vegeta: Forget it. We can't argue logic with fic writers who are obsessed with making people who were never meant to boink each other's brains out. Ayeka grinned and approached Minagi again. "Ms. Ayeka, please..." She gasped as Ayeka slapped her in the face. "You will address me as, 'Oujo sama.'" she ordered. Bryan: Oujo-sama to oyoubi. Yeah. Right. Vegeta: I'd rather call her a harlot after this. Zechs: Poor Minagi. Minagi licked her lips and decided to try again. Ayeka began to run her tongue around Minagi's left nipple while her hands gently caressed her ass. Ryoko: Watch the hands! That's my sister's ass! Zechs: It bears a striking resemblance to yours. "Um...Oujo sama..it's not that I'm..." she paused to gasp, "not flattered but.. Zechs(as Minagi): But I'd rather you not take advantage of me whilst I'm drunk, tied up, and at your mercy. .but..please, Ms. Ayeka, I..." She realized her mistake a split second before Ayeka made her aware of it by biting her nipple. Ryoko faints, and a scream is heard from the bridge. Bryan: Rei, you alright? Rei: Sympathy pain. Sorry. Zechs: Would it really hurt that much? Rei: Ask someone to bite the most sensitive parts of YOUR body, and see how YOU like it. "OUJO SAMA!" Minagi cried out in pleasant pain. "I meant Oujo sama!" Ayeka ignored her. She ran her tongue down her captive's stomach. Minagi whimpered when Ayeka stopped at her cunt. Ayeka reached out with her fingers and found Minagi's clit. Minagi's breath quickened as Ayeka's fingers caressed her swollen girl cock. Bryan: Now THAT'S sick. Not the act, the description. Ryoko: Speak for yourself. I think the act is pretty sick, too. Minagi gasped and arched her back as Ayeka inserted a finger into the young girl's cunt. "Do you like that, little slut?" All: NO! Ayeka asked her huskily. Minagi blushed a deep red, but could only mewl in pleasure as a response. Bryan: Logic check. What the hell happened to the fear and foreboding? Vegeta: The author never described foreboding. Bryan: Well, the fear, anyway. Zechs: Lemon logic. Once she has something shoved up her orifice, fear is eliminated by primal ecstasy. Ryoko: Or, a male's rape fantasy. Bryan: Hey, not all of us are such despicable fiends. Need I remind you of what we all did for Sasami?(See No Need For Grief) Ayeka stood up, but continued to massage Minagi's cunt with her finger. Minagi closed her eyes and panted as Ayeka inserted a second finger into her. Ayeka grinned and closed her mouth around Minagi's right nipple, her other hand roamed up the girl's back. Minagi groaned in a pleasure she had never felt before. Her heart was racing, the fear was still there, Bryan: AH HA! The fear is still there! Ryoko, as the female of the group, would any woman be enjoying this against her will? Ryoko: No. Uh-uh. No way. This is a sick rape fantasy, with Ayeka replacing what would ordinarily be a male character. but it took a backseat to the sensations of lust she was feeling. Ryoko(as Scott Evil): >CoughCough