Log of the USS Downwinder - "A Passion Satisfiying, Ground Shaking, Glass Breaking. Tenchi Muyo! Fan Fiction MST by Elwin "Blaine" Coldiron-bigkwell@juno.com http://hometown.aol.com/bigkwell/myhomepage/profile.html "Tenchi Muyo!" and characters were created by Hiroki Hayashi and Masaki Kajishima and are property of AIC/Pioneer. Any other characters appearing are property of their respective creators and distribution networks. I do not own the characters, the series nor the fan fiction. I just write the MST. WARNING: The fic being MSTed contains lemon content (i.e. sexual situations). Anyone under eighteen years of age should not view this MST. *** The Crew: Elwin "Blaine" Coldiron- commanding officer and MSTer, Earth human. An overweight, bald, middle-aged fan fiction author from Kennewick, Washington who wishes he had a better job besides commanding the Downwinder. Loves beer. Secretly aspires to visit AnimePort#9 just to freak out Ramna Saotome with KD. KD- helm officer, Earth house cat and companion to the commander. Food and sleep is her only passions. Jim Hawking- fic officer, computer expert, Earth human. A twelve-year-old boy with more smarts that ten adults, and one of the more mature members of the crew. Nagi- Recently appointed first officer, MSTer, extraterrestial humanoid, bounty hunter. The most feared in her profession in the universe. Obsessed with the ultimate capture and killing of Ryoko (and any author who writes her in a lemon fic.) Rally Vincent- MSTer, Earth human, gunsmith, 'skip-tracer.' No bail-jumper (or lemon author) escapes her. A crack shot, not to mention good with a gun. Spike Spiegel- Mars-born human, MSTer, bounty hunter. His past is his own business Tasuhiko Shido- Earth native, private investigator, humanoid vampire, MSTer . His past is a mystery even to himself. Forms weapons from his own blood. A bit of a pervert. Guni- MSTer. Earth native. A six-inch "urban fairy" with bat wings. Claims she can change shape, but has yet to demonstrate this ability. A real wiseacre. The ship: USS Downwinder-MST-71660- NX-class variant starship constructed and modified by Washu Hakubi especially for MSTing. The crew is still trying to work out the quirks. *** Ships log, entry number four: Sometimes the fics come to you and sometimes you've have got to go out and find the fics yourself. The Downwinder is currently on patrol outside the Sol system, searching the subspace domain for any Tenchi fics that need our "special" touch. I would much prefer to download them directly off the Internet. However, because of the special nature of the sensors of the ship, that option is not open to us. So we have spent a week just crusing space searching, but to no avail. The crew is getting seriously bored. I'm thinking about calling off this patrol and allowing a two-week lull before trying again. Mostly as part of an apology for the debacle from the last fic we MSTed, I had decided to appoint Nagi as my first officer. Nobody else minded, since they had to sit thru Nagi's almost constant vomiting. *** (Scene opens in the Downwinder bridge. The crew is sitting at their stations engaged in some activity. Blaine is sitting in the command chair, typing on a holographic laptop trying to put a new story together. KD, for once, is awake and guiding the ship along. Jim is sitting in the fic station, calibrating the sensors further. Nagi is sitting in the chair next to Blaine, trying not to fall asleep [and failing]. Rally is at the weapons station, cleaning her gun for the sixtyith time. Spike is at the internal security monitor, trying to take a quick nap. Shido and Guni are sitting at the ops station, playing a dart board with a drawn picture of Cain on it, several bullseyes scored on it's nose.) Blaine (yawning): Crud. How long have we been crusing out here? Nagi (looking at cronometer): From the looks of it, six days, eight hours and thirty seven minutes. Blaine (grumbling): Thanks for telling me. Nagi: Well, you did ask me. Blaine: It was in the retorical, Nagi. Guni (yawning): Looks like this trip is turning into a real pisser. Spike: Yeah. I think the fics got wind that another ship is out there and decided to lay low for a while. Rally: You're telling me. I'm glad the holodeck here has a shooting range program, otherwise I'd go nuts. KD (yawning): Me wanna go home. Jim: I agree. At least I can do a little more work on these sensors. Shido: So what do you say, cap? Should we head on back? Blaine: Yeah, lets. I've got to get back to work anyway (mumbles) such as it is. (then aloud) Okay little girl, why don't we. . . (A loud beeping is heard) Jim: Hey wait a minute, looks like we got ourselves a fic dead ahead. Nagi: It's about time. Blaine: Right. Got a synopsis scan on it. Jim: Working on it. (punches buttons) Looks a lemon, or maybe a lime. Rally: What about characters? Jim: It's coming up. O_O HOLY COW!!! Blaine: What? What? Shido: Yeah? Jim (going pale): Looks like a Sasami fic. (long silence) Blaine: Shit. I guess we were bound to run into one of those. Let me take a look at it. And get me an author scan. Jim: Right away. Nagi: The bastards. Why do such people get a cheap thrill just to see such a sweet, kind girl like Sasami debased in such a manner. (draws sword) When I find those authors, I'll make certain that they will pay. Spike: I'm with you, Nagi. A couple of them might be worth a few wolongs. Rally, Shido and Guni: Right. Blaine: Hold on everyone. We've got a clarification on that fic. Seems that this is a Sasami lemon spoof. And the author's name. . . OH NO!!! The others: WHAT!?! Blaine: It's . . . Peter Suzuki. (thunder and lightning erupt, then the sounds of an pipe organ playing horror music, then another long silence) Guni: Yeah? Who's he? (everyone else facefaults, then jumps in front of Guni, veins bulging on their foreheads) All except Guni: WHO'S HE!?! Rally: That guy's has to be one of the wierdest Tenchi fanfic authors ever. Blaine: Not to mention a fellow MSTer. [(thinking) Hee hee hee. I just can't wait to see you, Peter. You, the rest of your crew. . . and especially you, Ramna Saotome. I certainly would like you to meet my kitty, you gender- changing, cat fearing wuss.] Shido: Blaine, what's with you? You've got this weird look on your face. And why are you rubbing your hands together like a mad scientist? Blaine: O_O' Oh , nothing. Nothing at all. Well guys, we've waited almost a week for this. Shall we give this fic that special Downwinder touch? All the others: LETS!!! Blaine: Okay. Jim, load that fic in and head for the booth. KD, come to a full stop. The rest of you, to the theatre! All the others: YEAAAAA!!!!!! (all rush to their places. I'm not bothering with the seating order.) Blaine: Take it easy. You all act as if you all were willing to roast another lemon. Nagi: If it involves Sasami, I'm willing to defend the honor of that little girl. [WHAZUPWITDAT!?!] Rally: Fan fic sign everyone! Grab your stuff and find a seat! Blaine: OUCH!!! Spike, watch those gunboats of yours! You nearly flattened my toe! Guni: HEY, WATCH IT, CAPTAIN LARDASS!!! DON'T SIT ON ME!!! Blaine: Sorry. And please don't call me "Captain Lardass", okay? Nagi: Okay everyone, let's knock off the insults, okay? Save them for the fic. All: Okay! (belltone sounds) Blaine: Okay, let's roll the trash! (everyone sits down, fic starts) >A Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction. A Passion Satisfying, Ground Shaking, Glass Breaking. . . By Peter Suzuki. Guni: What about stomach turning? Spike: It'll get there eventually. >The series "Tenchi Muyo" is owned by Pioneer LDC, AIC, and its contributors. All rights reserved. >WARNING: Mild LEMON! Nothing TOO graphic, but younger (or immature) readers should not be reading this. Blaine: It better not be or . . . (runs slashing motion with index finger across throat) >In fact, I don't know why I'm even explaining to you, Nagi: Anything YOU write needs to be explained. >ANYTHING after the word "Lemon" because if you didn't want to read something 'sexually explicit' then you would have hit the "Go-back" Rally: To hell. >button by now, right? >Anyway, on with the show. Blaine: Okay everybody, let's brace ourselves. >####################################################################### >EARTH: 4:00a.m. Shido: It has already started badly. Rally: I thought you were a night person. Shido: I can stand as least a few hours in the daylight. >Yosho was up early this morning. Blaine: Why? >He did not even really know why, Blaine: D'OH!! >other then out of habit. And now he could not even get to see the sun rise because of the overcast. It looked like yet another gloomy, autumn morning. Rally: Looks like the mood is already set for this fic. >He let out a bored sigh, and continued to drink the tea that he made. No sense in letting it go to waste. Blaine: I found that tea is just like beer; you don't drink it, you rent it. Spike: Is beer the only thing you ever think of? Blaine: I think about a lot of other stuff. Writing, family. . . Guni (interrupting): Eating. (Blaine dumps popcorn bucket over Guni, then goes to the replicator to get more) Guni (digging out from under popcorn): Sheesh! What a grouch! Aren't fat people susposed to jolly instead of grumpy? Shido (looking sideways): This could get ugly. >Then he heard it, or rather FELT it. A slight tremor shook the shrine. Even the birds stopped chirping. An earthquake? Shido: From all the signs, it sounds like one is coming. >No, it could not be so. In all the seven hundred years of its existence, the Masaki shrine was never effected by earthquakes. Blaine: What do you mean by that? They're in Japan, for crying out loud. Those people live with earthquakes everyday. >Besides, this felt as if it was caused by something close by. Something that shook the very earth that the shrine sat upon. Nagi: Localized earthquakes? Now that IS unusual. >As Yosho got up to investigate, the shaking started again, and did not stop. Blaine: Find a doorway and stand under it. Rally: Duck under a table. Blaine: Rally, most people in Japan kneel at the table. Those tables are only six inches from the floor. No one can fit under them. . . well, maybe Guni. Guni: >_< Very funny. >This could not possibly be an earthquake. It was more of a slight vibrating, rather than a quake. Nagi: Ryoko left her vibrator on? >Yosho slowly made his way to where the shaking felt strongest. For the first time in a long, LONG time, Yosho was genuinely shocked. Spike: That's what happens when you stick your fingers in an electric outlet. >The trees were causing the shaking, or more specifically; the Funaho tree, the Ryu-oh tree, and the trees born from the Funaho tree's seeds were causing the shaking. All: 0_o' >Yosho did not move, even as a sapling that had been placed in a pot, gently vibrated across the ground like one of those tabletop football games. Blaine: That could only mean one thing. >"Washu." Yosho mumbled. Blaine: Looks like we're on the same level. Nagi: That's not a nice thing to say about the person who built this ship. Rally: Well she IS an oddball. >"If she's not the cause of this, then she must at least have some kind of explanation for this." >Yosho then ran as fast as he could, toward the Masaki house. His expression was somewhat reminiscent of how a little child would look, after hearing a big dog bark at him. Blaine (imitating Yorkshire terrier): Yap yap yap yap! >KLONG!!!< Blaine: @_@ Lookit da pretty birdies. . . heeeeeeee. . . (falls face forward) Guni (with king-sized mallet): Gotcha for that popcorn bit! >Yosho came to a screeching halt at the door of the Masaki home. Nagi: Not easy to do with wooden sandles. Blaine (rubbing head): That's for certain. >He briefly turned his head toward the front gate, as he heard a slight humming coming from that direction. All: Hmmmmm hmmmm hmmm. . . >He had a very bad feeling of what he would see. Blaine: The feeling's mutual. >Azaka and Kamidake hovered in mid air, spinning like tops, and shaking like maracas. Blaine: O_O Whoa. Rally: That IS odd. >The mail man walked by, muttered something about 'it getting weirder every day', Spike: Which at AnimePort #9 would be a normal day. (Blaine snickers maniacly. Everyone just looks and shrugs) >and managed to stuff some envelopes into Azaka on one of the revolutions, before continuing on his way. A large sweat-drop formed on Yosho's head. All: 0_o' >Yosho then heard one of the girls scream from the bedroom window. Blaine (as Ayeka): A MOUSE!!!! A MOUSE!!! A MOUSE!!!! >KLONG!!!< Blaine (swiping mallet while rubbing head): Enough with that, Guni! >Without another thought, Yosho rushed into the house. >If Yosho would have stayed a minute longer he would have heard Kamidake moan, "S-S-S-o-o-o-G-G-G-o-o-o-o-o-o-d-d-d-!" Blaine: Huh? Guni: What's so good about spinning around? Nagi: I think that it must relate the screaming. >In every sense, Washu was not having a good day. First, last night's experiment ended in disaster with only herself to blame, Rally: In other words, she let Mihoshi in the lab. >then she was woken up by Ayeka, at this unruly hour, about something happening to Sasami, and when she got to the bedroom she saw THIS. >Sasami lay on the floor, flopping like a fish on dry land, moaning like a banshee. . . and seeming to be enjoying every minute of it. "Ahh! AAAH! Oooh! Mmmm-YES!!" All: 0_0 Blaine (without enthusiaum): Oh boy. >"And when did you find out about this?" Washu asked Ayeka. Shido: When you thought that a mouse was skiddering next to you? >"Well, I got up to get a glass of water. Sasami then told me that she felt slightly cold. When I got back with a blanket, I found her like this." Responded Ayeka. >"Did you check her for symptoms of sickness?" Washu asked, as she materialized her computer. Rally: One question NOBODY should touch. Especially with a Peter Suzuki fic. >Ayeka looked a little bit distraught about it. "Well. . . I DID try to check her for a fever, b-but when I placed my hand on her forehead she. . . she. . ." Ayeka seemed reluctant, and slightly scared to mention what happened next. Nagi: Very disturbing. >Just then Ryoko phased in through the wall, and Ryo-oh-ki toddled in from the hallway. Ryoko said, "Hey, why are the windows shaking like. . ." Spike: A bowl of Jell-o? >Ryoko then noticed Sasami jerking around on the floor. Blaine (spitting out his drink): HEY! WATCH THE PHRASING, SUZUKI!!! >"What the? Washu! Did you do something to Sasami!?!" Ryoko said in her most menacing tone. >"No! Now get out of the way, I'm trying to find out what's wrong." Washu snapped. Guni: That reminds me of. . . Shido (interupting): Guni, don't start with the captain! Guni: Aw c'mon, can't I have a little fun at his expense? Blaine: Not if you don't want to get blown out of an airlock. >Tenchi, from his bedroom, Nobuyuki, from the library, and Mihoshi, from wherever she passed out last, entered into the bedroom. They each saw Sasami, and said, "Washu!! Did you do something to Sasami!?!?!" >"WHY IN HELL DO YOU ALL THINK THAT I'M THE ONE WHO'S CAUSING SASAMI TO BE LIKE THIS!?!?!?!" screamed Washu. "I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG, DAMNIT!!!" Rally: It fits, doesn't it? >Ryo-oh-ki approached Sasami, and gently nuzzled the arm of her best friend. Suddenly, Ryo-oh-ki found herself in the bone crushing embrace of the blue hared princess. Sasami rubbed the cabbit all over the front of her body. >"S-so warm, fuzzy! AH! Feels so good! Ooooh!" Sasami seemed to really enjoy the feeling of the small furry body on her own. Blaine: Oh now this is getting sick >URP!<. Spike: I'd say. There's no way in hell I'm going to let Ein get anywhere near her. >Ryoko went over to free her cabbit from Sasami's remarkably strong grip. When the former pirate pulled Sasami's arms away, Ryo-oh-ki rolled off of the princess, and passed out a few feet away. Blaine (as Ryo-Ohki): Me--OWWWW!!! >Suddenly, Sasami quickly embraced Ryoko, kissed the shocked young woman fully on the lips, and began to hump her body. Blaine (shielding eyes): AAACCCCCKKKK!!!!! I KNOW I LIKE YURI, BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH!! I MEAN, SHE JUST A KID, FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!! Rally: OH GOD! JUST KILL ME NOW SO I WON'T HAVE TO WATCH THIS! God (loud, booming voice): SORRY! YOU WALKED IN, YOU WATCH IT!!! (the MSTers look up nervously) >Ryoko let out a muffled scream of surprise as she was embraced in a hug that was strong enough to push all of the air out of her lungs. Nagi: I don't think even Sasami's THAT strong. >Sasami continued to moan softly into her kiss, and every so often let out a cry of pleasure on the upbeat of her humping. Shido: I don't think that even a nightbreed will go THAT low. >"Ayeka, would this be similar to what happened to you, when you tried to check Sasami's temperature?" asked Washu. Rally: If she even nods her head yes, I'm >HORCK!!!!< throwing up. >Ayeka, ghostly pale as she watched the scene unfold, simply nodded "Uh- huh." (Rally starts retching) Blaine: TROUGH!!! (the trough rises, after which Rally vomits) >Yosho then marched in from the hallway. "Miss Washu, the trees from Jurai are shaking, I think Azaka and Kamidake are trying to do 'The Macarena' again, and. . ." Yosho noticed Ryoko & Sasami, and regained some of his usual composure. "Miss Ryoko, could you two at >least wait until Sasami is older?" Blaine: I don't think that Ryoko has any say in the matter. >"mrrrph! Himmph! Grrmn-himph!" Ryoko's muffled screaming held more panic, than actual anger. Nagi: Could have fooled me. >"Trust me Yosho, it wasn't Ryoko's idea." Said Washu as she turned back toward her computer. "Oxygen intake, increased by fifty percent. Blood pressure, increased by twenty percent. Hormone balance. . .up one hundred and twenty percent!?! How can that possibly be?" Guni: I'm not sure we want to know. >"Miss Washu!" Mihoshi interrupted. "I think Ryoko's having trouble breathing!" Guni: Why is it that the ditz is allways noticing something? Blaine (as green as Guni): Habit I guess. >EURRRRRRK!!< >"What are you talking about?" said Washu. "Ryoko was made to withstand environments with zero oxygen. . ." Washu noticed that Ryoko was indeed turning blue. Spike: DUHHHHH!!! >"Oh. . . Help me separate them." All: ABOUT TIME, DAMMIT!!!! >Tenchi, Mihoshi, and Washu managed to pull Sasami's arms from around Ryoko. The cyan-hared one then jumped back away from Sasami, and started gasping for air. >"I *PANT* really *GASP* wish *WHEEZE* she *GASP* didn't *PANT* slip *HUFF* me *GASP* the *WHEEZE* tongue!" Ryoko managed to say, as she got air back into her body. (suddenly Blaine starts retching violently and joins Rally in the trough) >Ryoko's three saviors stepped back before Sasami could get a hold of them too. The blue-hared girl let out a slight disappointed moan at the loss of sensation, but quickly resumed her previous actions. Shido: Spell check malfunction. Blaine (lifting head from trough): I've been guilty of a few of those. >Mihoshi then realized something. "You know, Kiyone used to do something similar to this all of the time. Only she usually had her hands between her legs when she was doing it. But if you come within arms reach of her during that time, she'll grab you and-" All: MIHOSHI, SHUT UP!!! >Mihoshi did not notice the shocked stares coming from everybody else. . . Except of course for Sasami, who was gyrating her hips, and Ryo-oh-ki, who was still passed out on the floor. Blaine: So far, the cabbit's the only casualty. Rally (lifting head out of trough): Are you sure? We've got a few here. >Washu decided to check the hunch that what was happening WAS similar to what Mihoshi was referring to. Needless to say, it solved one mystery only to lead to another. >"This can't be right." Muttered Washu. "There's no outside stimulus, no internal stimulus. This shouldn't be happening on its own, especially at this level of magnitude." All: WHAT!?! WHAT!?! >"What's wrong, Miss Washu?" asked Tenchi. >"Don't call me 'Miss', and according to my readings, Sasami is about to experience pubicloital, fricative sensation, sensory overload." All: Huh? >"Huh?" remarked six voices, eerily in unison. Spike: You're right, Blaine. We're all on the same circuit. >"She's going to have an orgasm." Washu explained. All: O_O'' WHAAAAATT!?! >"Oh, that's all." Said the six, sounding relieved. Blaine: It should hit them soon. >Then they realized what Washu said. "SHE'S WHAT!?!?!" Even Ryo-oh-ki woke up at that realization. Guni: That little piece of news should keep everyone awake. >Washu decided to continue. "And according to the psychological readings, she's reacting to all outside stimuli as if it was causing the sensation." >Nobuyuki was the only one who understood that. "So whoever she's hugging, she imagines that THEY are having sex with her?" Nagi: That guy WOULD understand that. "That's correct." Said Washu. Nobuyuki quickly left the room, and then returned with the camera. "Uh, what are you planning to-" Blaine: He BETTER not! >"Tenchi!" exclaimed Nobuyuki. "Go over there and hug Sasami." All: DON'T YOU DARE!!!! >"OVER YOUR DEAD BODY!!!" shouted four girls, and one boy. Rally: Thank goodness. If he did, I'd never get my head out of the trough. >"Miya! Miya! Miya!" chirped Ryo-oh-ki. Blaine: No, no birds chirp. Ryo-Ohki meows. >"No, you may NOT go over there and let Sasami hug you again." Snapped Ryoko. All: O_O" Nagi: I'm glad Ken-Ohki didn't hear that. >Ayeka then realized something. "Miss Washu, if Sasami reacts that way to any stimulus, then when she hugged. . ." both Ayeka and Ryoko reached for the wet spots on their clothing. The warm, sticky, wet spots right were Sasami had been rubbing that special spot between her legs, on them. Spike (goes green): Oh no! Don't tell me. . . >"Yes, Ayeka. When Sasami had you in her hug, she was imagining that you were copulating with her." (now Spike hits the trough, along with Blaine, Rally, Guni, and Nagi. Shido just seeths.) >Both Ayeka and Ryoko turned white as pale as ghosts. Ayeka quickly made her way toward the bathroom, and threw up. Blaine: Join the group. >URP!!< >Ryoko looked very depressed. Shido: You guys look very sick. Rally (sarcasticly): Oh? What was your first clue? >"S-Sasami thought that she and I. . . Blaine: Doin' the naked pretzel? (everybody else except Shido throws up) Shido: Bad timing, cap. Blaine: Oops. Sorry. >Oh, I feel so violated!!!" cried Ryoko. Nagi: Normally, she'd be the one doing the violating. >Ayeka walked back into the room and muttered, "If mother ever found out about this, she would laugh until she lost bladder control." Blaine: Knowing Misaki, she would have probably thrown up just like the rest of us. >Ryoko cried on Tenchi's shoulder. "Oh, Tenchi! I'm sorry. That's probably how it's like for you, too, isn't it? I'll never try to seduce you again, unless you want us to make love, I promise!" said Ryoko. >"Miss Ryoko!" Ayeka snapped. "You know perfectly well that Lord-Tenchi has never made love to anybody, especially to a woman like YOU!!!" >Ryoko glared at Ayeka. "Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, will ya! I mean WHEN he wants to make love." She lovingly gazed into Tenchi's eyes. "Right, Tenchi?" >"Ryoko, will you please not grab my rear-end like that." commented Tenchi. Blaine: Geez! Can't she keep his hands off his ass for one minute!?! >Ryoko looked perfectly innocent as she said, "Okay, Tenchi. How do you want me to grab it?" All: -_-' >Ayeka slapped Ryoko's hand off of Tenchi. "OW! Hey!" >"Miss Ryoko! Lord-Tenchi did not mean what he said in THAT way, and you know it!" Ayeka then lovingly gazed into Tenchi's eyes. "That monster woman did not molest you too badly, did she Lord-Tenchi?" "Don't worry Miss Ayeka. I'm fine." Tenchi then frowned slightly. "I'd feel even better if you would now get YOUR hand off of my rear-end." All: Hee hee hee hee hee!!!! >Ayeka managed to pull her hand away before Ryoko could slap it. >Mihoshi scratched her head. "Miss Washu, shouldn't we move Sasami to your lab, or something? I mean there has to be something that you can do." >Washu shook her head. "For the last time, it's LITTLE-Washu, not 'Miss' Washu, and it would not be a good to move her at this time." Shido: Prior experience should have taught them better. >"Why?" questioned Ryoko. "It's not like she's going to explode." Blaine: Uh oh. >"In a way, she IS." Replied Washu. All: UH OH!!!! >Then they all realized something. Spike: So did we! >"Ohh! Ahh! OOOOOHHhhh!! EEEahh!! AAAh!! OOOoooh!!! OOOOOAAA!!!" Blaine: This is bad! REALLY bad! >Sasami's moaning was getting louder. >"What's going on!?!" Tenchi yelled over the noise. >"She's reaching climax!" replied Washu. Blaine (turning to booth): JIM, INCREASE FLUSH RATE ON THE TROUGH!!! Jim (weakly): Excuse me? Blaine: O_O JIM!?! YOU WEREN'T SUSPOSED TO LOOK AT THE DAMN FIC!!! >"Whatdowedo!?!? Whatdowedo!?!?! Whatdowedo!?!?!?!" Mihoshi panicked. >"Pray I don't run out of video tape!!" said Nobuyuki. All: SHUT UP, NOBUYUKI!!!! >"Mr. Masaki, I would greatly appreciate it if you would NOT record the embarrassment of my little sister reaching the 'Clouds and Rain', thank you very much!!!" Ayeka shouted at Nobuyuki. Rally: That's telling him, sister!!! >Ryoko arched an eyebrow in confusion. " 'Clouds and Rain'? What the heck is that?" (the MSTers facefault) >Everyone else stared, shocked at what Ryoko just said. "You. . Really don't know, do you?" stated Ayeka. Nagi: Ryoko wasn't much on brains. >Ryoko did not get a chance to respond. Washu realized that if Sasami's voice kept getting louder at its rate, well. . . Blaine: HOLD ON TO YOUR STOMACHS, GUYS!!! WATER'S GETTING ROUGH AHEAD!!! >"EVERYONE, GET DOWN!!!" Washu shouted. >Everyone else started making 'Rap Music' noises. Nagi: Geez! I don't believe these characters! Guni: You're telling me. >"I MEAN, DUCK!!!" Washu shouted. This time everybody understood, and listened to Washu's orders. . . Well, almost everyone. Blaine: Oh don't tell me. . . >Ryoko and Ayeka flapped their arms and called out, "Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack!!" Spike: Is everyone in this fic THAT clueless!?! >Upon Washu's angry glare, the princess and the pirate stopped fooling around. Rally: No wonder Washu left the ship. >"AH!!! OH!!! OOOOOHH!! YES!!!! AAAAAAAH!!!" >At that point, Sasami finally climaxed. Her INTENSE screams rocked the very earth itself. Blaine: HOLD TIGHT, EVERYONE!!!!! THIS IS IT!!!!!! >"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!! YES!!! YES!! YES!!!!!!! AAH!!! AAH!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!" (everyone survives without throwing up) >####################################################################### >JURAI: About the same time. Rally: Wait a minute! Somebody's changed gears here! Blaine: How did we get on Jurai? Nagi: That's what I like to know. >It was a very bad day in the Jurian royal palace. Almost all of the soldiers, servants, and officials were in a panic. Almost all. >"Hey, Karu." Said an old, retired Jurian night, who sat in an old rocking chair. >"Yeah, Taro?" responded another retired Jurian night, in a similar rocking chair. Spike: Old farts ahead. >"Ain't never been a panic like this one in a long time, has there?" said Taro. >"Well I don't know, Taro. The royal trees shaking like they are don't seem so terrifying ta me." said Karu. Blaine: I guess they seen worse. >"Oh, yeah? Well, name one time that there was this much panic in the troops." Said Taro. >"Well. . . There was dat time when the Emperor found Misaki and Funaho, in bed together." Replied Karu. Blaine: I though Azusa knew. >"Yeah, I guess ya got me there. Nutting was like that day!" said Taro. >Both old men shared a very good laugh. Nagi: What about when Ryoko attacked? You might find THAT funny. >Yes, the Jurian empire was in an uproar because all over the galaxy, all of the Jurian royal trees, weather guardian, ship, or just plain tree were seeming to shake enough to rattle the universe itself. The ships were bouncing around the docking bays, Jurian officials were getting motion sick in their space vessels, the guardians were actually succeeding in keeping intruders away from the palace. . . including everyone else for that matter. It was like all of the trees had gone bonkers, at once. Shido: Very strange. >Queen Misaki woke up to the feeling of the palace shaking. Still half asleep, she decided to do something about it. She kicked her sleeping husband, Emperor Azusa, out of bed, and told him to do something about the shaking. Shido: I hope Riho doesn't do that. Rally: Why? Shido: We share the same coffin. Rally: THAT would be hard to do. >Grumbling and groggy, the emperor picked up one of the alarm clocks in the bedroom as he plodded out the door. He continued down the hallway, to the main hall, past the throne room, through the mob of panicking soldiers and servants, by two retired Jurian nights, >"Good morning, Taro." Said Azusa, in monotone. >"Good day, my lord. Lovely day for a stroll." replied Taro. Blaine: At least he remembers the troops. >"Good morning, Karu." Said Azusa, in monotone. >"You are aware that you're still in your pajamas, right?" replied Karu. Guni: I don't think he cares right now. >Around the corner, through the arches, following the yellow brick road, Rally: Now we're in Oz? >up the hill, down the hill, up the hill, down the hill, around the McDonald's, Blaine: Mickey D's sure gets around. over hill and over dale, past the Denny's, nothing but net. . . oops, wrong bit. . . All: Go on. >through the double doorways, past that weird guy they found on Earth, >"Good morning, Elvis." Said Azusa, in monotone. Blaine (as Elvis): Thank you very much. >"Lemmie outta here, man!!!" Screamed the overweight, greasy-hared musician. >Past a couple of jerks who were caught in the palace gardens lighting their farts, >"Good morning, Beavis. Good morning, Butthead." Said Azusa in-ah you know how he says it!! Rally: Those assholes didn't die!?! Shit!! >"Huh-huh, he said 'butt'." Chuckled the brown-hared one. >"Heh-heh, Fire! Fire!" said the blond-hared one. Nagi: They can't be THAT stupid. Blaine: Believe me, they ARE. >Through another pair of double doors, past the Clocman Diamond, and finally to the place that housed the garden for the royal trees of Jurai, and where a great amount of the shaking was coming from. >When Azusa opened the doors, he saw ALL of the trees shaking like crazy. In the distance, he could swear that he heard a woman's voice. Blaine: Oh don't tell me. . . >The emperor shouted, "HEY!!! WHOEVER IS DOING THIS!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS!?!?! IT'S. . ." Azusa noted that the clock he took required a power outlet, not that it mattered since its cord was ripped out. Spike: I guess lack of sleep does that to you. >"WELL, NEVER MIND EXACTLY WHAT TIME IT IS!!! IT'S STILL EARLY IN THE MORNING, AND ROYALTY NEEDS TO SLEEP YOU KNOW!!! SO STOP IT RIGHT NOW, YOU HEAR ME!!!" >The royal trees stopped their shaking momentarily, to make way for what was to come next. Blaine: GRAB YOUR SEATS, GUYS!!! >A massive wave of orgasmic pleasure ripped through the melee, causing the trees to shake even more violently then before. Azusa was knocked over as the force nearly shook the entire dome off its foundation. Then, although it had nothing to do with the emperor's threat (like that would stop him from taking credit for it), the shaking stopped. Azusa congratulated himself on a job well done, and left. Guni: Egoticical prick. Blaine: That's royalty for you. >Meanwhile, at the center of the garden for the royal trees, Tsunami sat in front of her tree. Her hair was a mess, her robes were undone, there was a puddle of something forming between her legs, clear goo covered her left hand and trailed down her arm, but she looked VERY content with herself. Blaine: >URK!!< Rally: What's wrong with you? Blaine: THINK! >BLURP!!< TROUGH!!! (Rally thinks, then a look of realization hits. She retches and joins Blaine in the trough.) >"That was FUN!!" cheerfully thought Tsunami. "I can't believe I never thought about doing this before." She then licked her cum off of her hand, and reentered her tree. Guni: OH GROSS!!! DID WE REALLY HAVE TO SEE THAT!?! God (loud, booming voice): YES!! (the MSTers, including the ones throwing up, look up nervously) >####################################################################### >BACK ON EARTH. >Fragments of broken glass lay on the floor, from all of the shattered windows. Nobuyuki's camera lens was cracked, as was his glasses. Mihoshi still was crouched down, covering her ears and face. Yosho was just wearing a mangled piece of metal on his face, for that was all that was left of his spectacles. Washu's computer had a large fissure going down the monitor. Blaine: Didn't think holograms can crack. >Ryo-oh-ki uncurled her ears, Ryoko and Ayeka tried to stop the ringing in their heads, and Tenchi checked to see if he still had the ability to hear. Spike: Nevermind them, what about the kid? >And where was Sasami? The second princess of Jurai lay in the center of the room. Both of her pigtails had come out of their buns she tied them in before she went to sleep. Her pajamas were stained near the bottom, with a warm, sticky, fluid that could only be her dew of passion. And aside from being very worn out, she looked very, VERY happy with the whole situation. Guni: And you got a lot of people here who are very UNhappy. >Tenchi was the first one to speak. "Washu, do you think it's over?" >"Yes it is, Tenchi." replied Washu. "Whatever it was, it has now run its course, and is finally over." Blaine: I'm glad that's over. >Sasami then sat up, and wiped some of the sleep from her eyes. With a cute smile she stated, "Whatever it was, I hope that it happens again! ^_^" (the MSTers facefault) >And to all, a good face-fault. Blaine (rubbing nose): I can't go through another one of those. >THE END. All: YEAAAAA!!!!!!! >AUTHOR'S COMMENTS: All: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! >I'VE POURED GASOLINE ALL OVER MY BODY, SO DON'T FLAME ME!!! O_O Guni (hands crackling): I smell a challenge. >Now that I got that out of the way, I wish to defend my Fan Fic. Weather you like it or not. Nagi: We didn't like it. Now shut up. >Wow, my first lemon. . . And it's (kind of) funny. Blaine: FUNNY!?! YOU CALL THAT SICKENING PIECE OF CRAP FUNNY!?! I'M GOING TO ENJOY COMING OVER TO ANIMEPORT# 9 AND GIVING ALL OF YOU A HARD TIME. . . ESPECIALLY RAMNA!!! YA HEAR ME, SUZUKI!?! Shido: Huh? Guni: What's that? Rally: Whatcha say? Spike: Go there? Nagi: Are you crazy? Blaine: Oops. >I don't know when I decided to make this a lemon. It just CAME to me all of a sudden. >_< Nagi: On second thought, you might have a good idea. >Yes, I know that this is a Sasami lemon, and that everyone says that they all should be burned in some great funeral pyre, with their writers. Blaine: Remember Suzuki, you're the one drenched in gasoline. >Hey, I hated "In The Carrot Patch" (sorry, don't know the writer's name. But it is rumored that some other Fan Fic writers us his name as an alternative to cursing now) Rally: Along with yours. >as much as the next guy, but I tried something different (I hope) from the usual 'Sasami-Lemon-Fic'. >If you paid attention, you would have realized that I didn't make this the usual "Oh my god!! That was sick AND perverted!!!" lemon Fan Fic. I tried to make this one kind of cute. ^_^ Nagi: You failed miserably. >. . . . . . I should be worried, shouldn't I. -_-; All: YESS!!! Well, if you still hate it so much then do a MST on it. Blaine: Already done. >I certainly won't stop you. In fact you could do the same for ALL of my Fan Fiction stories, and I won't stop you. Go ahead, make my day! >Just remember, I can also do an MST of a MST. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!! Guni: That might be good for a laugh. >Oh, by the way. I've finally found an answer for why there are so many Sasami lemons, but no Nobuyuki lemons. Sasami is the cutest 'humanoid' character in the series, and gains some sexual attention from some respectable Fan Fic writers (You know who you are.), and MOST non-respectable Fan Fic writers (Same thing. You know who you are.). Weather you like it or not, Sasami is cute, sweet, and more desirable then MOST people would like to admit. Blaine: That's why if I ever get brave enough to write a lemon, it WON'T include Sasami in the lemony parts! >Nobuyuki is another story entirely. Being a pervert is not the problem, if perversion was a problem then there would be no lemon Fan Fic, right? The problem is that Nobuyuki looks, and acts like a Japanese version of 'Homer Simpsion'. Rally: Only with hair and without the paunch. Guni: You mean the same roll of fat our captain has? (Blaine dumps his popcorn bucket again on Guni, only he doesn't go back for more) Guni (flies in Blaine's face): WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT!?! Blaine: Only if you'll stop the fat remarks. Guni (sighs): Okay. >And if you get the English dubbed versions of the Tenchi Muyo series he even SOUNDS like him. Also here's something to consider; Who in their right mind would want to see Nobuyuki having sex? All: Not us! >Just a thought. >Oh well, until next time. Adidas! >Peter Suzuki. (fic ends) Blaine: I'm glad that's over. (looks at crew) Well, I guess my secret dream's out. Look, if it every comes to pass, I won't force you guys into it but. . . Shido: Say no more. After seeing that fic, I'll gladly help you out. Rally: Me too. Spike: Same here. Nagi: You have my vote. Guni: You can count on me. Blaine (looking at booth): Jim? Jim: You're on! Blaine: Alright! Thanks, guys. I don't seriously think that Suzuki is going to let us get anywhere near that station, so I think that one day we might "drop in" unannouced. Shido: By the way, what is it that you want with Ramna? Blaine: Oh, I just want him to meet my cat. Rally (eyebrows raised): Isn't Ramna afraid of cats? Blaine (grinning maniacally): Yup, hee hee hee hee!!!! Guni (whispering to Shido): If he does that, we better make sure that Sickbay is ready. Shido (whispering): What for? Guni (whispering): Because Ramna is going to kick his fat ass from one side of the universe to the next after they get him pried off the ceiling. (Shido just nods) *** Ship's log: entry number five -- Another fic successfully MSTed. I've decided to give the crew a two-week layover before the next cruise. Jim says the fic sensors by then should be more sensitive to fic, so we won't have to wait so long. I'm coming to get you, Ramna. Me and my kitty. Hee hee hee hee! *** 9/11/01 FDNY-NYPD-THE REAL HEROES