Disclaimer : Tenchi Muyo OAV and TV belong to Pioneer and AIC, and naturally I don't own them. I'm broke at the moment so suing me won't help. The story, however, is mine and naturally therefore is my property. This fic is not to be distributed without my permission nor to be used for any profitable means. Special thanks to Davner, John-Ohki, TenMan, GenSao, LitaEagle, and Megami-Ryoko for helping me out with this spam fic. Note : The following list in no way is to be taken with any seriousness whatsoever. Those who find it serious will be promptly shot. This spam fic obviously contains spoilers for Tenchi Forever, which should be called Tenchi Muyo in Love 2 if it wasn't for our wonderful friends at Pioneer marketing. If you are reading this not expecting spoilers, you shall be promptly shot. If you have never seen Tenchi Forever and expect to understand this, you shall be promptly shot. Remember, this is all for the cause of cheap laughs and not for curing cancer, solving the meaning of life, or explaining to someone why "child-safe" always means the child can operate it and the adult can't. Top Ten Scene Improvements for Tenchi Forever by Cav 10) *Tenchi is looking at Haruna in the tree.* Alright I'm taking care of this right now. *Ryoko proceeds to slash Haruna's head off.* Ryoko... now what the heck are we going to do with the next 90 minutes of the movie? Well we could give the fans what they really want and have lots of mad passionate sex? *Tenchi thinks it over.* Hmm... Ok sounds fine with me. It's certainly better then screwing that old maid. 9) *Tenchi and Haruna are about to have sex. Suddenly a great big Buddha statue drops on top of the pair and kills both instantly.* Sorry kiddies, but nobody in their right minds wanted to actually see that. 8) Well looks like I finally got myself a man! Let's see... *Haruna looks at the figure who is very pale, smiling, and has long black ponytails.* Hello my name is Sakuya and I want to love you! No, no, this isn't what I was looking for! *Haruna proceeds to run for her life.* Don't you love me Haruna? I can tell you do! Everyone has to love me! Let's get married! *running* Get *breath* back you *breath* evil creature! 7) *Aeka has just talked Ryoko into going back for Tenchi for the third time.* Aeka, are you really sure I should go back for him? Yes Ryoko I'm positive. *Ryoko gets up to leave and turns her back to Aeka. Suddenly Aeka takes out a lead pipe and smacks Ryoko in the back of the head knocking her to the ground cold.* Ha! Like you actually thought I was going to follow this lame script and let you take Lord Tenchi from me that easily! Washu reset the system so I can go back! Um... Aeka I don't think... Just do it! *Ryoko begins to regain consciousness.* Ow ow ow what the hell do you think you're... *Ryoko looks around to see that Aeka has already headed back into the other world to save Tenchi.* *Meanwhile back in the alternate world...* Well it's about time you got here Ry... *Tenchi stares at Aeka who is there instead of Ryoko.* I've come to get you back Lord Tenchi! Don't worry I won't let her stand in the way of us again. *Aeka runs over to Tenchi and hugs him. Tenchi suddenly lets go and looks at Aeka scared out of his mind.* Aeka um... how the hell are we going to get out of here? *Aeka suddenly stops and looks around. She looks up at the sky and suddenly realizes her mistake.* Oh no! Ryoko needed to fly out of here in the script! What have I done! *Aeka and Tenchi huddle together and start crying as the world around them collapses.* 6) *Tenchi has just awoken and looks up to see Aeka and Ryoko standing there. He suddenly remembers they have come back for the second time and looks around.* Tenchi are you alright? Yes what happened? Well you see, you accidentally got knocked unconscious during all that was happening. What happened to Haruna? *Ryoko and Aeka look at each other with sadistic grins.* Oh she's fine, don't worry about her. Yes, let's get going. Alright... although I really would like to know what happened with her. *Tenchi leaves with both the girls.* *Flashback one hour ago.* *Ryoko is holding Haruna, while Aeka is proceeding to punch her in the gut.* This is for the last six months, you sick sadistic tramp. Yeah and this is for making me have to actually come back here for him more then once. *Ryoko rips out a huge chunk of Haruna's hair as she screams in intense pain.* I don't deserve this! I've had a tough life! Don't you feel bad for me? *Ryoko and Aeka look at each other.* No! *Aeka proceeds to walk over to a cabinet and takes out a bottle of wine. She then breaks it over a table.* Well I don't think it is possible to make you any uglier, but I shall try. *Aeka proceeds to slash Haruna across the face with the broken bottle.* Why don't you go show our friend here what you think of her, Ryoko? It'd be my pleasure. *Ryoko, holding Haruna, takes off out of the house and proceeds to fly five thousand feet into the air.* Hey, what are you going to do to me? Ever seen MnE? Well let's say I don't like you as much as I liked Mayuka. *Ryoko proceeds to let her drop all the way down into a McDonald's dumpster. All the time Haruna is screaming at the top of her lungs.* 5) *Ryoko and Aeka are talking together before the movie starts.* Damn it, I can't stand these things. They're so sensitive. Ugh, you think I have it any easier? These things weigh a ton! I can't move around with any comfort whatsoever. Well how do you think I feel? These things are so small! How am I supposed to get anywhere with them? How long do we have to live with things like this? I think for only about ninety-five minutes. Then everything will be back to normal. Damn it, I can't believe this is happening. Well it wasn't my idea. Apparently some idiot in the art department thought it would look nice. *Ryoko and Aeka head off to film the movie.* *Ryoko and Aeka have just come out of a room marked "Surgery" at the end of the movie.* Finally, things are back to normal. Yes, it's about time. Ugh, let's never even think about going through that again. I would agree. I definitely liked the way they were before all of this. How did we get talked into switching? I have no idea, but I'll never let it happen again. *Aeka looks down at her breasts.* Dear me! I can walk upright again! Those blasted things must've weighed a ton! *Ryoko looks down at her breasts, now back to their previous larger size.* Oh my baby girls! *Ryoko hugs her breasts while she's kissing them.* Did you miss mommy? Did you? Oh I'm so happy to have you back! You know, Ryoko, I kind of got attached to those a bit. Well, they didn't look that bad on you. I have to say I got used to yours a bit too. The sensitivity doesn't bother you after awhile does it? No it doesn't. You looked kind of nice with them. *Aeka and Ryoko look at each other nervously.* Ok I'm out of here. *Runs off quickly.* Yes, that's a very good idea. *Runs off quickly.* 4) *Tenchi and Ryoko are talking near the end of the movie where Ryoko has come to get him.* Let's go home, Ryoko. Oh no you aren't getting out of this that easily. Um... Ryoko... You know how much of a jerk you've been to me? Remember I did nearly get myself killed back on Jurai for you. Ryoko can we... You just keep quiet for a minute. How about how you were so thrilled to see me again after you got back to Earth and never even once said "you know Ryoko I love you so much I don't think I could've ever lived without you?" Ryoko you can... Shut up. How about the last six months? That was real nice of you to actually put the woman who kidnapped and raped you ahead of me a few scenes ago. But Ryoko, I'm not going to remember any of this so bitching at me isn't going to help. Oh this is helping plenty. How about back in MnE when you slapped me? That's OVA Tenchi! I'm TV Tenchi! That's right and you'll never be as good as OVA Tenchi, either. And don't even bother to get me started on how inferior you are to Manga Tenchi. Um... Ryoko this world is going to collapse in a... What about in OVA 10 when you told me you hated me? Or what about Sakuya? Huh? What about this damn ending where I'm not even getting a fricken' kiss out of you? Ryoko we really need to get going now... You know, Tenchi, you're really quite a jerk. I have no idea why I even bothered to come back for you. You know what? Stay here and rot. I'm going to go get me a real man. *Ryoko takes off leaving Tenchi behind.* Hey wait a minute! Get back here, Ryoko! *Tenchi looks as the world is beginning to collapse around him and realizes his fate.* Come back Ryoko, I'm sorry! Please forgive me! I'll give you a kiss! Come on, I love you, Ryoko! Don't you know how much I love you! Ryoko! Don't leave me here! *Tenchi's cries for help fall on deaf ears as the world collapses around him and kills him.* 3) Aeka... Tenchi isn't going to come back. I know, Ryoko... oh well he wasn't that great a guy anyways. Yeah I know what you mean. I mean look at us? Fighting over that little man? Oh you're absolutely right, Ryoko. You know to tell you the truth... well I've always really had a crush on you, not Tenchi. Oh Aeka! I've felt the same way! *Aeka and Ryoko embrace and start kissing.* Hey wait a minute, what are you two doing! You're supposed to be trying to save me! I don't want to get stuck in here with that old witch! Sorry Tenchi you had your chance. I've found someone better. Yes Tenchi go back into your little world with that Belldandy woman. First of all she's Haruna, and second of all I don't want to get stuck here! Well you should've thought of that before you slept with her. It wasn't my choice! Honest! Hell it wasn't even my body! You have the script you know that! It'll be revealed in a few scenes! Oh yeah, we've heard that before. Goodbye, Tenchi. Don't bother to write. *Aeka and Ryoko walk off holding each others' hands as Tenchi continues to scream for help.* 2) *Tenchi and Ryoko are sitting together near the end of the movie* Ryoko... Yes, Tenchi? I was thinking... this ending really blows, doesn't it? Yeah I guess it was kind of a major screw job now wasn't it? Well why don't we give everyone a much better ending. *Ryoko and Tenchi embrace and start kissing. Tenchi starts to take Ryoko's clothes off. Suddenly a man in a suit and tie with a briefcase comes running in.* Now hold it right there! You two stop! If you give the fans what they want, we may not be able to milk this series off for another 10 years. *Ryoko proceeds to throw a energy ball at the lawyer. Tenchi and Ryoko continue to remove each others' clothes.* 1) *Haruna wakes up in her futon and looks over to see...* Wait a minute, you're not Tenchi! Who did I bring in here? Hello, young lady. Would you care to be a part of my experiments? *Dr. Clay proceeds to start to move on top of her.* NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Author's Notes : What in the world possessed me to write this? I have no idea. No, seriously, I just wanted to have a little fun and thought it would be entertaining. Would these actually make the movie better? You be the judge...