It was a dark day in the Oristian family. Nic slowly walked away from a cross. On the cross was the name Mr. Friskie. He had passed on on Christmas day. But following Nic was a kitten named Zoe. She was his new MST partner. "So what do we do" asked Zoe. "We make fun of fanfics" said Nic. So Nic flew off for his first Mst without Friskie but his first with Zoe. But when they flew they hit an asterod field and in came someone from there. It was Friskie with wings and a halo. "Hello" said Friskie. "Friskie" said Nic and Zoe. "Yeah I decided to go with you on MST trips to help. And now Nic, Friskie, And Zoe Present: Why Ayeka should get Tenchi, A Cautionary Tale ATTENTION: WHEN NIC FRISKIE AND ZOE TALK IN UNISON IT WILL SAY N,F,&Z THANK YOU The seating order from left to right is Nic, Friskie sitting on top of his seat with his wings and Zoe sitting on top of her seat Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer. "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" belongs to Garbage, Nic: Which that band is. to whom I apologize for the desecration it undergoes to illustrate my point. Notes: This story, which is based veeeeeeeeery loosely on the events of one OAV episode, Friskie: I hate when something is veeeeeeeeery anything. is meant to illustrate the dire consequences that would result if Tenchi married anyone but Ayeka. I'll rate it PG for content and N17 for extreme scariness. Zoe: NC17, Well I'm out of here. N&F: No you aren't. Why Ayeka Should Get Tenchi, a cautionary tale by Mihoshi and Tokimi Friskie: They teamed up. It was softly raining in Jurai's capitol. Drop upon drop of heavy water bounced up from the trampoline leaves of the giant palace-tree, and fragile ropes of rain swung down, connecting the arching branches to growing puddles far below. All along the acres of brilliant gold-green fields, weary peasants took time off from their farming to rest their aching necks and backs under the shade of a wagon or rickety umbrella, relaxing for a little while in the peaceful beauty of the dancing droplets, patiently waiting for real life to resume. Nic: It will resume in 5 4 3 2 1 Resume. In the palace itself, all was silent. The Queen tread softy through the throne room, Zoe: Which Queen, there are two. speaking in muted tones the orders necessary for the care of the castle. The courtiers, following their soveirgn's lead, were calm as well. There was no crash of swordplay from the long- haired royal warriors. Friskie: They should cut there hair. The chatter of the richly robed ladies was hushed to a mere murmur of scandal and jealousy and gossip. Nature had decreed a quit day for Jurai. Nic: Why did they quit. Which made the sudden eruption of singing from His Majesty, the Prince Consort all the more jarring when it pierced the atmosphere of the day with insolent stupidity. NF&Z: Yeah sounds like Seriyo. "I'M ONLY HAPPY WHEN IT *RAINS*" he screeched, as far from the intended key of the song as he was from the planet where it had originated. Nic: Where is that, Mars. "I'm only happy when its COMplicATED/ And though I KNOW you can't APPreciATE it/ I'm only happy when NF&Z: You shut up. it RA-INS!!!" A collective groan erupted from the throne room, before its occupants remembered their blue blood, Friskie: Coming from their ears. and pretended they couldn't hear the bleating voice. The Queen stopped in the middle of her orders to Azaka, one of her most trusted advisors. Her wine-colored eyes closed briefly, Zoe: Must be Fanaho and centuries of training in the dignified ways of the royal family and the knowledge of all the curious eyes glued to her were the only things that kept her from groaning with her subjects, tearing her violet hair in frustration and unleashing all of the mystic powers of Jurai that hadn't already been infuriated out of her on His Lordship, her husband. "I suppose Lord Seriyo is awake," she sighed finally, her clenched fists digging into her robes. "*POUR* YOUR MISERY DO-OWN! *POUR* YOUR MISERY DOWN ON *MEEEE*!" "Would you send someone to shu- see if he needs anything?" Queen Ayeka asked wearily. N&F:You were wrong Zoe. "I shall go myself, Your Majesty," Azaka bowed, pity unmistakable in his eyes. The once-placid corridors now rang with a faulty falsetto that grew louder and louder as the old warrior approached the Royal Bed Chambers (that's damn right, there were two; *nobody* deserves Seriyo 24/7), NF&Z: Amen. pausing with a grimace before he pushed open the heavy wooden doors and met with the unmitigated howls of His Lordship. Prince Seriyo was standing before the full length mirror that stood next to his giant pink bed. The overwhelming pinkness of the room in general was reflected behind the red-robed monarch who posed for himself, running one hand through his sherbert-like hair, holding an invisible microphone in the other. Nic: Gayness thy have a name. "Your Majesty," Azaka began after several disgusted throat- clearings had failed to gain the Prince's attention. "I can't hear you unless you address me properly," Seriyo replied nasally. Friskie:(Azaka) Your Gayness "Your Better-Than-Tenchi-ness," Azaka grunted through clenched teeth. Friskie: Close enough. "Oh, Azuki! How nice to see you!" Zoe: I knew a cat named Azuki. "Yes. Her Majesty-" he stopped at a look from The Effeminate One. "Her Likes-You-Better-Than-Tenchi-ness," he spat, NF&Z:(All spit) "would like to know if anything is needed to add to your comfort." "Actually, no. But I forgot to tell her about the inter-galactic phone call." "I thought Lady Ayeka had forbidden you to.... What phone call, my Lord?" Nic:(Ayeka from episode 13) From my mommy. "From the guy, you know, the one with the spiky hair?" "Lord Tenchi?" Azaka asked, his eyebrows raised with sudden interest. "Azippy," Friskie: di do dah. Seiyo sighed exasperatedly. "Was it His Didn't-Really-Beat-You-Because-Mihoshi-Interrupted- ness?" Zoe: He said a mouthfull. "Fortunately not. No, this one was blonde and he had a scar- thingy on his nose." Nic: Mihoshi's grandpa. "The Prime Minister of Aldalar?" Azaka choked, turning pale. Aldalar was an extremely belligerent planet which had recently been taking control of all the Galaxy Police Planets in the Gamma District. Word had it that after Xan, its Prime Minister (or Dictator, more accurately), finished off the GP, he was going to move against the Jurians. Friskie: He's like Kain. "That's the one!" "And what did the Prime Minister have to say?" coaxed Azaka with forced calm. Seriyo thought for a moment. Zoe: (Seriyo) Ding ow that hurt. "When's breakfast?" "The Prime Minister called to discuss breakfast?" Nic: No a breakfast club. "The Prime Minister can kiss my regal (BLEEP) (Nic censored that because Zoe is to young) I'm hungry." "It's four o'clock in the afternoon, My Liege." "Wow. Eggs. And Ryuten sausages." "What message should I bring the Queen about Aldalar?" "Oh that, Scar-nose said that if we didn't la-de-da something-I- can't-remember he would something something. Hey, I think he called me gay! NF&Z: Wow he is smart. Can you believe that! He said, 'Sleep well with your butler, Your Cupcake-ness!' Friskie: Thats a lot better than mine. Then he hung up!" Azaka looked like he was going to start hyperventilating. Nic: Breathe man breathe. He spun on his heel, forgetting the ritual bow, and practically ran for the door. "I don't sound gay, do I, Azizi?" Zoe: I knew a cat named Azizi to. Seriyo's yell echoed in the empty halls. *When Life gives you lemons, make lemonade* and e-mail it to Mihoshi. Soun has still yet to remove Mihoshi and her free-loading partner Tokimi from their happy home at THE TENDO DOJO @aol.com MSTers thoughts: Nic: That stunk. Zoe: Do you know me cat friends cause you used there names. Friskie: You must know Zoe's cat friends. Stinger: Seriyo: Azippi Friskie: Di do dah