Disclaimer: Here we go again...anyway, I do not own these characters, although I wish I did. You probably already know who owns them, and if you don't, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? Well, Pioneer and AIC does, and even if I didn't put a disclaimer, they wouldn't know anyway because they wouldn't read this fanfic! HAHAHA! Again, if you're sensitive to the "insulting humor" of your fave characters, I would like to apologize before hand, so if I see flames in my mailbox, I know that they're are people out there WHO DON'T READ THIS JUNK ANYWAY!! I would also like to apologize to anyone who was offended by the following paragraphs. Let's just get on the roll... Wait!! Another comment! This is based on OVA 5, which is "Kagato Attacks", which I thought was really cool and--- Whatever. Let's just go now, OK? Director: How come I'm still here with these idiots? Tiki: Cause I can't afford a new director. The assistant director left because he's going to join the MiB. Can you believe that? Director: No. Tiki: (comical puzzlement) Well, I can. Let's just get on with the show. We're about to lose our audience. Director: What audience? Tiki: Shhhh! (obvious wink) We DO have a BIG audience, right?? Director: (sweatdrop) Right. Tiki: Good. Now I won't have to deal with the FBI coming over anymore to arrest me for corniness. Director: What?? Tiki: (big smile) Never mind. I'm sure our AUDIENCE is getting bored, eh? Let's start the show!! Director: What show? Tiki: Shut up!! *FBI comes barging through the door.* Tiki: (sweat drop) LET"S GET ON WITH THE--- *Muffled shouts and static starts to crackle as the tape starts* --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Director: Tenchi, Ryo-Ohki, this is the part where you scold the cabbit for being greedy. All right let's do this! Tenchi: (pulling Ryo-Ohki out of the basket) Because of you, we had to change all our fields into carrots. Ryo-Ohki: But I like peas. Director: CUT! What do you mean, you like peas? Cabbits aren't even supposed to talk! Ryo-Ohki: Well, I get my roles confused with my alter anime role, Puar, OK? Tenchi: Stick to the right anime, all right? Hey, do you guys know what time it is? Director: No. Tenchi and Ryo-Ohki: It's MILLER TIME!! Director: (to Tiki) Is Regis running any applications? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Director: Ayeka, Ryoko...this is the part when Kagato comes waltzing in-- Kagato: Let's do the Can Can instead! Ayeka: No, I want to Tango. Director: (turning red) I DON'T CARE IF YOU "MACARENA" YOURSELF IN, JUST GET WITH THE PROGRAM! *sigh* Now, Kagato comes into the onsen, and you, yes you Ryoko, get alarmed. Then...oh there you are Mihoshi...then, Ayeka and Mihoshi start screaming hentai bloody murder. Throw stuff at him, just for a little more emotion. Ready? And...GO! Kagato: I've finally found you, Ryoko. Ryoko: Kagato! Ayeka: (slowly walking to Kagato) Wouldn't you like to find me? Kagato: (nose bleeding) Uh, uh...I don't know... Ayeka: (throws herself at him) Here you go! Kagato: AHHHHHHH! *faints* Director: CUT! Ayeka, stop picking on him! You know he's not as tough as Tenchi. Tenchi can chug a whole keg for Pete's sake, and Kagato can't even get a pint in him. Ryoko: Ewww! Tenchi, that pervert! Just the other day, he said to get in "his pimpmobile." Ayeka: I know! He asked me out about a million times, and every time I said no. He should know I'm going out with Nobuyuki! Director: I knew I should have been Jerry Springer's partner... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Director: Kagato, please try to understand... Kagato: NO! Every time I go out there they pick on me! *starts crying* Director: Jeeze...C'mon, it's only one more take, and then you can go back in your trailer! Kagato: I want my mommy! Ryoko: Here I am, Kaggi-chan...0_0 Tenchi: Wow, look, another Kodak moment. Ryoko: Shut up! Tenchi: Anyway, we have to get to the part when he finds out I have the sword...yada yada yada. So, you coming or not? *chugs a beer* Ryoko: Ok...Kaggi, if you do this, I'll protect you from that mean, awful, Tenchi! Kagato: *sniff* OK... Director: Is this even a blooper fanfic? It's more like behind the scenes or something. Tiki: (backstage) There are enough of those already! Director: All right... --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Director: Now, Tenchi and Kagato, its the scene when Kagato finds out you have the sword, OK? *to self* I hope... Kagato: I see, you have the sword... Tenchi: Oh really? Well, you want to see it closer? *Tenchi leaps at Kagato with the Tenchiken in his hand, cutting Kagato's cheek just a bit. Kagato flys away crying and Ryoko jumps in front of Tenchi.* Ryoko: Look what you did now Tenchi! I'm very disappointed in you... Tenchi: Don't be...hey, you want to see "my REAL sword"? Ryoko: Pervert! Nobuyuki: Tenchi, don't treat girls that way, be a gentlemen. Director: See? I told you it was like a behind the scenes! Tiki: Shut up!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tiki: I have to admit, this was kind of crazy wasn't it? WASN"T IT? Director: Yeah, yeah. Tiki: I ought to fire you...anyway, let me fill you in on the current news. Kagato is hiding somewhere, crying, no doubt. Director: Wussy. Tiki: Watch it! He's my fave, OK? So, Ryoko is running away from Tenchi, Tenchi is chasing after Ryoko, Nobuyuki is trying to stop Tenchi, Ayeka is smoking somewhere where there's No Smoking signs and Yosho is not drinking tea. Amazing. Director: Sasami? Tiki: Killing anyone who asks her to do something. For more info on this topic, read my poem, Cindersami. Director: Hey! This is isn't an advertisement! Tiki: Whatever. And Mihoshi is operating a hydroxcilidian, time warping electrode compacted into 1000 km of atoms contaminated with four different types of iodine diluted with silicon, not to mention a metamorphing, 6000 dimensional radium monitor every now and then. Director: WHAT? Tiki: She's making toast. Director: Oh. Tiki: Let's get back with the show! Director: What s--- BAM!! Tiki: *holding a broken sledgehammer in her hand* I said, let's get on with the show!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tiki: Since the director is...um, busy with something, I'll be your director. Ryoko: That's nice. Tenchi: Yay! Another passenger in my pimpmobile! Mihoshi: Huh? Yosho: Tea is bad for you! Sasami: Don't ask me to do anything for you!! Tiki: You're not even in these takes. Sasami: Oh. Ayeka: We're doomed. Tiki: Hey! (whispering to Ayeka) One more comment like that and no Camel cigarettes for you. Ayeka: All right. Where's Kags? Tiki: Crying under my bed. Refuses to get out saying that there's a monster ON my bed. Ayeka: Yup, he's finally gone insane. Fork over the cash Sasami. Sasami: No fair that you always win the bets. Screw you! Ayeka: I've been screwed plenty of times, honey. Tiki: Now I know how he feels. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tiki: All right, this is the part when Ayeka finds out Katsuhito is really Yosho. All right? And...ACTION! Ayeka: You're my brother Yosho, aren't you? Yosho: Uh...what was my line again? Ayeka: *slaps Yosho* Senile old twit! Mihoshi: So much for brotherly love. Tiki: Let's try that again. And action! Ayeka: You're my brother Yo--- oh what the heck! Let's just get it on right now! Yosho: *slaps Ayeka* Crazy idiotic whore! *A catfight starts between brother and sister* Tiki: Maybe I should resign. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tiki: Tenchi, this is the part when you pull out the sword from Funaho and suddenly, the blade goes out. OK? ACTION! Tenchi: *pulls out the sword* Behold your king, King Tenchi! Tiki: CUT! What do you think you are, King Arthur? This is not Excalibur! Let's try that again. Tenchi: *pulls out the sword* I am Sailor Moon, and I fight for justice--- Tiki: CUT! Stick to the right anime, will ya? Tenchi: *pulls out sword again* I am Luke Skywalker! *Star Wars music starts playing* Tiki: CUT! Mihoshi, turn that off! Hello Tenchi! We are in the anime TENCHI MUYO! Ok? ACTION! Tenchi: *pulls out--well, you know* Wow...*the blade goes out* Huh? *He pounds it, shakes it, looks inside it-bad idea* Tenchi: OWWWWWWWWW! Tiki: Guess the blade came out when he was looking in it. Oh well, guess I have to pay for his hospital bill...again. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE END!